The IWC Bible - 2009 Edition

[Slyfox696]

Within these pages, you will find that which shall guide each and every new member of the IWC, who wishes to forsake the ability to think for themselves, and hand over their logic to conform to the mantra of the IWC. In order to become a full-fledged member of the IWC, you must forsake all other beliefs.

1. John Cena needs a gimmick change. Clearly what he is doing is working, so the WWE would be better off turning him heel and completely re-working his character.

2. Triple H is a power hungry fiend, who uses sex with the daughter of the boss to further his own political agenda.

3. TNA has no idea what they are doing. Despite showing a rating improvement every year since their first show on SpikeTV, and the fact they have become a company which is turning a small monthly profit, the people in charge clearly don't understand how to book wrestling near as well as we in the IWC do.


These are the first three teachings of the IWC Bible. I ask that each and every one of the more experienced members scribe their own passages into this sacred document. Please remember to elaborate, or else the IWC gods shall smite you with the bant hammer.

 

[BooCocky]

4.Turn him heel and give them a mouthpiece manager: I read this on a daily basis when a face character isn't working, I usually read turn (insert name here) heel and give them a mouthpiece manager. When the smark darling Shelton Benjamin wasn't working as a face everyone said turn him heel and give him a manager, or give an already boring heel a manager. Even though this hardly ever works this is everyone's solution to bring something extra to ones character. No one gave a damn about Brian Kendrick but when he re-debuted with Big Zeke everyone was on his jock. Even though it was just something to do before they released him.

So to be a good wrestler in the IWC's eyes, you have to be a heel who can talk, or a heel with a mouthpiece manager.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

5. *insert bigger named Superstars here* needs to be released.​

Can't really express how much I despise seeing these types of threads. They typically go in line for the likes of Cena, Triple H, Michaels.. and then smaller names, yet the ones who're making a profit for the Company as a whole.

Cena sells the most merch.. of course he deserves to be released. How dare he fucking grab the attention of small children, who have the ability to get their Parents to spend thousands each year on t-shirts w/ his quotes & mottos all over them.

Triple H can still manage to play off some of the best storylines in the business.. of course he needs released. He's only where he is, because Stephanie loves the cock.

6. Hulk Hogan v. Steve Austin - Up-Coming Wrestlemania.​

This is about the most pathetic type of thread I've seen. Its been happening around the beginning build-up for Mania, since 2006. It hasn't happened yet. Steve Austin, himself, seems to think its not going to happen ever.

But, because the IWC seems to continue to believe if they post about it constantly, all the fucking time, its bound to come true sooner or later. You know, when Austin's in need of more money and Hogan's likely dead.

 

[48.7 is Approximately 49 Times Better Than You]

7. _____ Deserves A Push

How many times have we seen threads like this? They're always about how some middle of the card superstar deserves to be thrust into the main event scene, go over the likes of Batista and John Cena, and receive title shots. The most commonly mentioned: Shelton Benjamin, The Miz, Christian, Jack Swagger, and Ted DiBiase.

No. Just no. These threads are the ones that most irk me. I just can't wrap my head around the mindset it would require to convince myself that mid-card wrestlers who have done very little to prove themselves as superstars "deserve" to be in the main event. I'm high on The Miz, Swagger, and Christian. Do they deserve to be made into World Champions right now? No, of course not. It'd be ridiculous to think otherwise. Steve Austin worked his way up the ladder, as did Triple H, Edge and countless others you see headlining shows. Give them time, and someday they'll be the big-dogs that you're begging to have pushed aside by a lowly newcomer.

 

[FromTheSouth]

8. And the Lord said, thou shalt hate Batista.

Nevermind that he is 300lbs of solid muscle. Never mind that he is The Animal. He should do backflips. Picking someone up and throwing them down again over and over is boring. Batista should learn some submissions, too. He should be a chain wrestling machine.

Either that, or he should be released. He does nothing for the company, except draw money, but he doesn't appeal to puro fans, so he isn't very good.

 

[48.7 is Approximately 49 Times Better Than You]

9. There shalt be no other gods before me, but Bryan Danielson

Bryan Danielson is the God of the IWC. He's the best pure wrestler in the world, knows seven hundred variations of the wristlock and can chain wrestle for six straight hours! Bryan Danielson is a better wrestler than Triple Gay and Bortista. He should be main-eventing WrestleMania, because he's that damn good.

 

[SK]

10. John Cena only has 5 moves

FU, STFU, 5 Knuckle Shuffle, Spinning Back Suplex and Fame Asser. These are the only moves that Cena knows and has ever done. The IWC are sick of Cena's 5 moves, why can't he just learn a new one? Why does he always have to finish his matches with these 5 moves, it's boring and nobody even wants to see him wrestle. The IWC shall not recognise any move that Cena does other than the first five listed. The IWC will not be impressed by Cena untill he turns heel, jobs and can do a shooting star press.

 

[Nate DaMac]

11. MVP's ring attire looks like a Power Ranger outfit. Nevermind the fact that Power Ranger's outfits were full body suits and they wore masks, the fact that the top and bottom pieces of his attire aren't seperate gives me the inexplicable excuse to compare him to a Power Ranger. Any wrestler who doesn't wear traditional trunks needs a change in appearance.

 

[Nitafrong]

When another fan says to thee, what my dear sir is your opinion on the subject of the pinnacle of wrestling spectacle? Be it the epic encounter between the Undertaker and the Animal Batista? Or do you instead stand by Jonathan Cena verses Robert Van Dam?

Thou Internet Wrestling Fan shalt strike down aforementioned fan with great vengeance and furious anger, and illustrate to him that no matches before 1909 can ever be considered and that really if one was to talk of great wrestling spectacle, one would be derided as a knave and a fool if one did not make references to the Bavarian Village Wrestling League of 1145 or the great issuer of promotional material Kärnten Dyrason who drew as many as four longboats a night.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

12. Thou shalt despise thine newest of ECW

Vince McMahon created the new ECW to bury and tarnish the old ECW and buried all of the ECW originals. It is an absolutely rubbish show and needs to be all hardcore matches.

 

[Lee]

Oh my brother thou shalt hate the PG era with a passion for thou must know that PG means that thou shalt not enjoy thy self, and when something a little bit risky happens thou shalt say "that's not PG" when in fact my dear brothers it is. Thou shall also refuse to find out what constitutes a PG rating and mock it because thou shall want DX to say that foul word "fuck" and thou shalt refuse to let kids watch despite starting watching wrestling as a kid.

Oh brother testify!

 

[ztwhite]

13. Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me... Except Barbie Blank (aka Kelly Kelly)​

Every member of the IWC should recognize that Ms. Blank is barely legal and possesses hardly a speck of wrestling or strip dancing ability. Yet, she can stop a man or woman dead in their tracks when she smiles. That alone should suffice for commandment 13, but if more persuassion is needed, her ass in spandex should convince us all to believe.

 

[48.7 is Approximately 49 Times Better Than You]

You guys screwed up the numbering. We're on 16 now.

16. Thou shalt complain about long feuds, and then complain how feuds are too short

Feuds are too short! There is no build-up! Remember back in the day, they'd have two superstars feuding for months before it all came to a head and they had the big match. That's what we're missing now a days. These one month feuds are so boring.

Conversely, this Orton/Triple H feud is too long! Jericho and Michaels feuded for too long last year. By God! Will someone else feud with Edge so Undertaker can do something else?

Hypocrites.

17. He's being BURIED!!

Forget the fact that a superstar floundering in the mid-card is being put in a meaningful feud, getting time on TV and PPV, and facing an established star, he's being buried because he didn't win the first match! The Miz, or John Morrison should just start winning the world title already.

18. Get out of the main-event already!

Forget that Triple H and John Cena are the most over, highest drawing superstars in the entire wrestling industry, they should just move down to the mid-card and start jobbing to Primo. I want to see Sheamus against Cody Rhodes at WrestleMania! Forget The Undertaker against Chris Jericho, they're just holding people down. Give me some Yoshi Tatsu and some Charlie Haas. That'll be PERFECT!

 

[Nate DaMac]

Someone fix the damn numbers. 19. Jeff Hardy doesn't deserve to be in the Main Event picture. Even though he gets one of the biggest pops in the entire company, and he sells assloads of merchandise, he needs to make way for Tyson Kidd and John Morrison. Obviously they would contribute more to the company. Also he is a meth head and is bad representation for the company. Even though the tests have never been made public, and he appears to be a perfectly healthy human being with no tweeker qualities, he has tattoos!

 

[Wrath]

20.Cena is Showed Down Our Throats:
One of the biggest hypocriys comments ever.Just because he had 3 long title reigns before which were all good and last long reign was great he is considered as the man being showed down people's throat.Edge and Orton are showed down our throats more than Cena but IWC still hate Cena and love Edge and Orton.Cena is the top face of the company why wouldn't he be the main concern.

 

[My$terio_Fan]

21. The WWE should stop hiring models as divas.

Even though Trish Stratus arguably the greatest diva in the WWE history was a model, any model WWE hires is just a waste of time. I mean damn Kelly Kelly & Alicia Foxx at improving and getting pops. Also all diva search rejects are useless twits. I mean Michelle McCool is a diva search reject, she must suck, right?

Only powerful girls like Beth & Natayla are any good and should be pushed ahead of any girls who were hired because of their looks. Models stink, let's hire indy lady's who can work a great match. There in the indy's, they must be better at making fans care.

 

[The Mark of Zur-En-Arrh]

22 - Thou shall blindly believe that a mere peasant will one day slay the Dragon

I swear to God, i see a new 'Who should end the Undertaker's WM streak?' thread crop up nearly every month. Why can't the guy just have one achievement that doesn't have a terrible ending? Why does everyone want to see some no-name usher in a new era for WWE, by shitting all over one of their top Legends at the Showcase of the Immortals??

Once he's retired i suppose you'll all move onto 'Who's going to beat Kane's Royal Rumble Elimination record?' threads, right?

23 - Anyone who has a match that lasts more than 5 minutes on TV, and forms a coherent promo MUST be praised as the saviour

It seems that Hornswoggle is the only guy in WWE not to have, at some point on WZ, been described as being worthy of a ME push. God forbid we assess a talent's full range of abilities and rough areas before we start demanding that Vince put them in a WH title match against some other non-entity.

 

[Blade]

Thou shalt await the return of The Rock for his match with John Cena

Another thread that pops up every few weeks, will The Rock return to battle John Cena. And so many hopeful little marks flock to these threads and post about how it's definately gonna happen and how Rocky will proverbially pwn Cena.
Not gonna happen. Rock can do so much better these days.

Thou shalt blame Russo for all that is wrong in TNA

So many people screaming 'Fire Russo' because he, according to the IWC, controls every single aspect of TNA. So he's the only one who gets insulting chants against him. No chants against Jarrett, Carter or any of the rest of the gang. Just... "Fire Russo"

And the most sacred of commandments...

Thou shalt never be satisfied
This speaks for itself. No matter what happens, the IWC will always find something to bitch about in every angle, match, push and title reign. They can't be happy with anything.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

27. Thou Shalt not say John Morrison's name in vain

For he is like manna from heaven, dropping from the heavens with so many starship pains. He is the future of the WWEm and anyone who may badm mouth, with such vile things as "no promo skills" is surely a TNA mark to burn.

28. The Montreal Screwjob was _____'s Fault

It is written that threads may come up, once a week. And the IWC says unto you, that any thread relating to Bret Hart, HBK, Canada or Survivor Series must be immediately changed to a screwjob discussion. And it is done.

TESTIFY

 

[Dave]

29. Ye, Vince McMahon looked down upon what he had created and saw that it was shit. He left it that way though because "Vince doesn't care about the WWE".

There isn't a week that goes by that I don't hear someone bash Vince McMahon because he is not adhering to their will as to how the WWE should be run. Obviously, people only want him to retire for the good of the company...

 

[Phoenix]

30. Because he is injured, he's going to come back and win the World Title or Royal Rumble

How many times have I seen that. As much as I am an Edge mark, it's over the top to think he's returning to the Royal Rumble, he's only just started his recovery and it will be a long process. Don't assume he's going to be back any sooner.

31. Put them in a the Cell already!

Everyone keeps going on about Triple H & Orton going on in a Cell. They're not feuding atm but they will be going in a Cell at its special ppv. For goodness sakes!

32. John Cena and everyone else needs to turn heel

No matter what, everyone wants John Cena as heel, despite being the current 'Hogan' with the 'Cenamaniacs' and what not, he has to be a heel, as does Triple H, Bastista, HBK as a heel except for Edge and Chris Jericho!

 

[Chill]

33. Gail Kim botched the ending of her match, she must either resign or be fired!!

Thou shalt not forgive Kim for possibly being concussed and buggering up the finish to her match with Ms. James. She shalt be buried from here on in! (if she doesn't resign or be fired that is).

 

[Tastycles]

34. Vince McMahon knows less than I do

Vince McMahon is a billionaire. He made his money by running a wrestling promotio. I have watched wrestling for 10 years, and I was head paper boy for a while, therefore I know more about wrestling than he does and can criticise anything he does.

35. Jokes about Michael Cole saying vintage, the divas matches being a bathroom break and other such things never get old.

Quite the opposite in fact, they are the single funniest thing in the history of humanity.

 

[Coco]

36. Randy Orton needs better booking!

Forget that his time as the focus of the show is often met with a dip in ratings, forget that he's boring in every way, forget that he's supposed to be making his opponents look strong, forget that he's been on top for most of this year. We want more punts and clean wins and we want them now!

 

[Monkey_Mania]

37. Thou Shall Never Speak Bad Of Any Dead Wrestler

Why should we? I mean, Crash Holly is a former Hardcore champion, he did everything for WWE. So did Benoit and Guerrero, even if they were only with the company for 5-6 years and won the world title on one occasion. They were wrestling god's and should never have a bad thing said about them.