RP Feedback Thread

[Danmen001]

Stokes, I liked your ideas but it was far too short. You didnt pay any significant attention to anyone in the match. Like I said the idea to push Australia as your reason for being where he is is good though. Being brutally honest, that won't get it done. But there is potential.

Well originally I was looking at it and it didn't seem too short, and I didn't expect everyone else to write ones that were seemingly alot longer.

Which brings me to my next point, I feel alot of people seem to be stressing quantity more than quality. In my opinion that isn't neccessarily how it should be looked at, but because alot of you seem to think different and I'm fine with that, I will just have to put more consideration into it next time.

Now then, the RPs.

Polley: Done greatly, you could feel the darkness around it. You set the scene well.

S_E_M: I liked the idea of it alot. Someone who can guide Apotheosis and tell them what to do is great.

GM: You went through all our characters well. As a counter point to what you said before, (I'm not just saying this), I felt yours was a bit too long and that kinda slowed it down.

Ricky: I thought yours was great. It looked through your career and what you wanted to achieve, and what you hope the achieve.

 

[Father:_Polley]

I agree with the statement Dan made. I admit it, I hate writing long things. I'd rather have my RPs reasonable on the shortish side, but get all I need to say in in the process, and go out with a bang, still having people remember the start.

I'm not knocking anyone for writing a long RP, if you can do it, great. But there's nothing wrong with a short RP that says what you want and then gets out.

 

[Derf]

I'm doing all my feedbacks in the Voices Be Heard thread, but I just read one RP that I need to give my thoughs on right now, and thats Alex Bowan. That was emotional, powerful, it told the story that we've all been watching so carfully this whole time. Great RP. I just hope the "to be continued" part is fora different show, as this IS a PPV, and you only get ONE RP. But even then, it's still a cliffhanger, and could easily be used to continue the feud past Kingdom Come.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Alex Bowen: Very, very emotional Rp and by far your best to date. Milenko is going to have an incredibly tough time out-doing that. I felt that this was the a-typical RP for anyone to follow through with, especially with the type of feud and grudge match you're headed into.

I was hooked on every word. It was just the right length and it was even formatted very nicely. My only confusion was why you ended it with "to be continued" when we can't add more than 1 RP for the p.p.v..

Everest: I've never been the type of guy to believe the longer a RP was, the better it would automatically be.. but I have to admit, this was a very short RP that (I hate saying it like this) felt a little weak. I don't think you'll have to worry about Reaper, he seens to be M.I.A.. and the RP itself was still a lot better than I've seen from others, but at the same time it's definately not near your best.

I never thought I'd see the day I'd ever say that about an Everest Rp, and I gotta admit you're one of my favorites to read, so it makes me sick saying it, but I always feel the need to be honest. I'm sorry if it offends. I liked the setting of "in-house interview" and you had some intensity, but it seemed rushed too.

Vengeance: Another "outta the ball-park" grand slam in my opinion. Your use of words is amazing, and you're playing this character so well that I really am convinced you kill people when you aren't praising the Great Khali.

I would tend to side with what others have said. You've mentioned the Master and whether you win or lose being his desire and wish alone. It's making me believe strongly that Vengeance isn't in this match for any other reason, than to be a stand-in. I loved how you picked apart everyone, and even at the same time showed loyalty toward Apotheosis. I think it'll be hard to beat this RP. (keep in mind, I'm reading down the list, so I'm unaware if anyone has)

Daniel Stokes: Anytime I read your RPs (this is the second, I do believe) I just can't read it without picturing Steve Irwin being the guy telling the story. I still don't know if that's what you want, but it does at least allow me to get in-depth with your character's background.

I think you did an amazing job explaining the King for a Day Chamber, especially with the comparison regarding it to a prison. As far as your review of each opponent, it wasn't as good. I feels like you didn't even review who you were facing, as much as to take their name-sake and mock it.

You felt Murf!sh was nothing more than a fish, when his character is actually the size and strength of Batista. (in a ways) You did elude to Mystique wearing a mask, but at the same time you didn't touch on anything other than him possibly being ugly. lol Ricky as a pirate isn't being used as much now as it has been before, although I could be wrong depending on what Ricky wrote in his RP. Vengeance was the best described by you, which is good considering his RP, but at the same time you focused on his name and not his abilities. And you only mentioned change to Apotheosis.

All in all it was a very great read, and a very good RP. Definately not bad by any means, however the next time you review your opponent(s) you may want to do some background checks on who they actually are.

Apotheosis: I'm gonna play the role of idiot right now. I didn't know your character was playing the part of messiah. (of sorts) Everything I got from your RP was both great and knowledgably. You revealed a lot of character depth to yourself, and you reviewed your opponents very wisely. (albeit your review of Vengeance and Ricky were shorter than the rest, which could hurt)

I think you're playing off the role of getting visions from people better than some others have in the past, but at the same time I doubt you'll be using this as a regular method in Rps, so it was a very well thought out idea for this match. I think you stand a strong chance in winning.

The only thing I believe could've hurt you is the idea that a cameraman was randomly in your hotel room in the middle of the night. I know it'd be hard to explain how we're witnessing this event unfold, but I think that's where the idea of an RP has to come into play. I think sometimes a "cameraguy" doesn't always have to be there, for the event to play out. (I could be wrong though) All in all, I loved your RP and much like Polley, you play with words amazingly.

Grand Mystique: Extremely Long isn't worthy enough to explain what your RP was. And that isn't the greatest thing to say about it. I admire how much work and effort you put into this RP and parts were very well read and done, but a lot of time it was hard for me to stay focused because it seemed to keep going in and out of subject.

The character of Grand Mystique started off on fire with Rps surrounding cryptic messages and future fore-telling events. Now it's hard to understand if he's still the same character or not, because one minute he's playing the role of gypsy and the next he's playing the role of Rocky, punching a bag.

Also, I have to say this and I definately don't mean offense by it.. but stop detailing exactly how the room(s) look. I spent 5 minutes reading and rereading to make sure I just read how detailed you explained a room with cream walls and "lovely pine flooring" was. That's way too much thought process for something so minor. I felt you almost spent more time detailing and reviewing the setting than you did your actual opponents.

When you finally did go to direct your attention to your opponents, it's almost as if you went out of character with how I'd assume a Mystique would sound. I might need your help with understanding what you expect me to hear/read when reading your character, because I felt I should've read someone who's a mystic.. but reading it, I didn't feel that way.

In closing, it was extremely well written and amazing in-depth. If I were awarding anyone for length, format and detail alone.. you'd get it hands down.

Steamboat Ricky: Emotion is all throughout this RP, and that alone kept me amazed with it. The only problem I have right off the bat is you neglected to mention anything with any of your opponents, minus slightly hinting at Apotheosis & Vengeance. That could be a big downfall on your behalf.

I think you did an amazing job at selling the point of Ricky being serious and what he's in the business to do. The history trip was well thought out as well, but a lot of people might not understand that those things actually happened for you before.

Your RP was just the right length and the amount of emotion, again, is just over-whelming. I think that's the one thing selling your RP to me more than anything, but again I can't get over how it seems you just neglected everyone (practically) that's involved in the match with you, just to focus on selling how dangerous the Chamber could be, and how much it benefits you. I see the point(s) you were making, but I just feel you should've added more about your opponents.

Elite X RP: Monkey, is it you? I liked the fact that the Rp was actually set several weeks ago, and it shows the origins of the mystery videos. I didn't like how it was honestly very short and just.. I'm not sure, I just didn't get a sense of passion within it. Although the wrestler is unknown as well, so it's hard to get a grip on passion, when you aren't sure of who it is.

Like someone else mentioned, the ending is what hooks you. It almost becomes second nature on who the mystery opponent is.. compared to who the mystery opponent was talking to.

 

[a0161613]

Will, thanks for the feedback. I agree with what has been said about the length. Truth is this was started weeks ago and I added to it over time. The description was part of the original idea and looking back it should have been cut.

The sound is down to me finding it tough to write the same old foretelling thing while staying original. And to be honest I wanted to build off the head injury angle, to show a kind of dual personality. Hence the change in attitude in GM.

The punching bag idea is similar to what Apotheosis (i think) had in his last RP. Training and working out, despite the injury. No Rocky comparisons intended. (Never seen the films, lol)

 

[Straight_Edge_Mystic]

BigWill - Firstly, I appreciate the history lesson of your career and the relationship between you and Rios. It was really helpful in understanding the depth and importance of your match. Your format was really was nice, it felt like an episode of LOST with all the flashbacks, that was a really cool aspect. It was also very nicely balanced, great job. And I love that nickname, The One Man Dynasty. It's gold.

Whoever the mystery opponent is, it was nice to see how he/she came in the match. Hats off to Monkey on creating more intrigue for this match. I am really interested in finding out who this mystery person is.

GM - Like a few others have said, it was really long. You did break it up, however it felt like two promos rolled into one, which is fine. I liked both parts, but I do have to agree with Will's assessment. Gypsy into Rocky, seems like a lack of continuity. I get why you did both, but you really only needed one of them. The first part was more from who GM is, with all the strange, supernatural stuff and I think it should always be like that. I liked the card thing a lot. I was picturing The Joker in my mind, not because you're like him, but the cards reminded me of him. Great effort overall, but the length and two opposite parts kind of took away from it.

Ricky - Very serious and very good. The ending was slightly ambiguous, which is great for what the RP is addressing. I enjoyed the look back on your career and how it has been fun, but it hasn't been fulfilling cause of that lack of World Title gold. It seems he is refocusing himself and looking forward to what the future holds. Steamboat Ricky is going to be a frightening menace in the Chamber due to how he's changing.

Everest - Yours is probably my most favorite. You wrote in a very cool way and just how Everest is just bothered by this need for an RP makes a statement. There was some funny statements in there too, which I like. And it wasn't stupid humor, which is always a good thing. I really don't have anything else to say. It was just what the RPS needed this time around. Th rest of us are being all serious and stuff and yours has some humor and is up front, gets right to the point.

Bowen - Some pretty dark history there. Nicely written and nicely detailed. Great emotions. There's a lot of anger, rage, and bitterness going on with your guy and it is very understandable considering your background and how your brother is blaming for all of his crappy background. And your story is not done, I am looking forward to hear the rest.

Milenko - Great tie-in with Bowen's. You have even darker history and your rage is even more justified. While it may be an RP for an online wrestling fed, the story you and Bowen are telling is all too real and all too tragic because it happens all the time and I think that realisticness to the both of yours and the emotions contained within it give it that extra fuel to what has been a very interesting feud. I, like with Bowen's, am looking forward to hearing more of this story.

And thanks to everybody for the feedback on mine. It was encouraging, informative, and will be helpful for future RPs.

 

[Derf]

Ok, Derfs turn for some feedback! I'm gonna do what I would have done in the Voices Be Heard thread here, since no one reads that one. So here we go.

Juggalo Death Match

Alex Bowen, I liked the idea of a basic interview going good, and yours was fantastic. It was emotional, it caught my attention, and I absolutly love how the two of you keep writing RP's telling the same story, and you keep adding to it. One thing I don't get, no one does, is why it was "To be continued", unless the rivalry is to continue past this, which I would be all for with the recent developements.

Milenko, your RP looks like exactly what I'd imagine it should have looked like following Bowens. It was the same basic idea, no corny storys or backdrops, just telling a story that caught out attentions. It also made you look like the Darth Vader of WZCW, a guy that was so innocent, yet became so evil, even if their is some good deep down.

Both of you had great RP's, and with the "To be Continued..." being added to Bowens RP, I'm gonna have to go with Milenko on this one, ONLY because the good guy always wins the last match, and I'd like to see this continue for a bit. it's really got my attention.


Elite X Title Match

Well we don't have much to go with on this one... We know who's NOT going to win, and we know we're gonna have a new champion... But who? with Monkey being on staff, and already having a title match, I don't think it's him, I'd hope not anyways, no offence whatsoever. Good RP though, really got people wondering who could be returning, if anyone at all. I liked the idea of the random phone call to Mr Myles, and the whole mystery should pay off. So obviously, I predict the Mystery Opponent to win.


Mayhem Title Match

Well this one's also a no brainer. I liked the idea of Everest only doing the interview because the "Bigwigs needed a soundbite" lol. Classic IMO. Short RP, could have been better, but against a no showing opponent, why bother with the greatest RP the world has ever known? Lol Everest for the easy win here.

I'd also like to add that Reaper hasn't RP'ed in quite some time... I think it might be about time he was written off the show untill he returns, it's not fair to have him still on the scene over others that havn't missed a date yet.

Tag Team Title Match

Another one sided match (grr). Monkey, nice debut RP. Shows your a trash talking kinda dude, don't wanna take crap from no one. Also like how you pointed out being the first person to have a title shot in their debut match, congrats.

NorCal... Your RP was short, but good... For a heal. I can understand wanting to beat an opponent, but don't ya think you passed the Face/Heal mark a bit there? Either way, great RP, nice use of words, and please don't bleed on me lol.

Agrex... It's short, which isn't a bad thing, but it's also late, which upsets me. It was good for such a short RP, but why couldn't you have gotten it in a day earlier? (grr)

As for my own RP... if I knew I'd be set to lose a handicap match, I'd have saved the idea for later. But no loss, I had a chance to write what i consider a good RP, so it's all cool. But because of the handicap, I'm gonna have to say Anthony Michaels and Mighty NorCal for the win.


Grudge Match

Magnus Maximillian is evil. I love it. That RP shows just how evil a person can be, and it really helps make Manzo look like that much more of an unstoppable heal with such a good mouthpeice. Your a master at RPing, and I'd be happy to be squashed by you someday. Sincade, however, missed his RP. Which is a shame. I just read through EVERY show yesterday, and saw what he did as Leader for a month, and I would have loved to actually see how the guy RP'ed. However, he didn't so the winner here ought to be Manzo, hands down.


King for a Day

Ugh, to much work...

Vengence... "Somthing wicked this way comes"... Didn't I see that same thing in Milenkos RP? Or did yours come first? Oh well. Good Rp, your longest to date, I believe, and for good reason, you had to Talk down 5 other guys. Which is somthing I will get out of the way right now for all of you. Going after each guy, one at a time, all in a row, seems a little bland to me. Wanna talk em down, mix it all up! Now that thats taken care off... Oh, I wanna see Master. That sounds awesome. I really hope you have somthing planned with "Master", and not just a charecter gimmick.

Daniel Stokes... First off, congrats on such a huge debut match. You to listed off opponents and talked em down, which loses points. I do like how patriotic you are, but take it from me, a guy that started with the same idea, it won't work. Keep the Austrailian gimmick, just leave Austrailia lol. Thats what I had to do, and I finally won a match for it.

Ape Man... Sorry, I can never remember how the hell to spell that lol. This "Dylan" charecter... It almost sounds like your taking the same route Vengence is taking with "Master", but you did it better by actually having him appear, sorta. I LOVE the fact that your charecter is involved with Church, we never see that anymore, and the fact that your a wicked heal adds to it, as opposed to the comedy gimmick of Reverend D-Von.

Grand Mystique, your RP is HUGE! Theres so much going on in it, I can't keep track of it all! i like the idea of the card throwing, but you should have uploaded a pic of it, that would have been nifty lol. You as well did the "list", but the choice to end it on MurF!sh was a good one, I'd LOVE to see an actual rivaly betwene you two. I also like that you made him seem more human by having him in a gym. I love how people show that part of their charecter. When will we ever see Undertaker working out? Lol

Aww... Ricky went angry. I mis corny and random. But a good RP none the less. The "clip show" of your past beatings was fun to read, although confusing as well, since I never heard of such people. And once again, I just love when someone can turn an interview into a can't turn away story. Great RP.

Murfish, did you write this, or was it the guy that writes for the TNA announer dude? Lol I kid. Good RP, it sounds like somthing you would see at an actual PPV, where they'd do one thing for each person in the match. You too did the list though. You all need to mangle it up some more! Also Murfish... the opening, fantastic! Just a regular scene promoting the match tself, not the people in it, awesome. You should write for TNA lol.

All in all, I can't choose a winer for this match. However, givin the power this match can give, and I hate to say this, I would like to see Anyone but Ricky win this. Ricky, your RP was exelent, but you've already got power, and I think it'd be awesome to see one of the younger talents get a chance to hold a handful of power, if only for a week. I just can't choose a winner out of all of you.


WZCW Heavyweight Championship

The Main Event. The Big One. No pun intended.

Will, I love the history lesson, and it was even cooler when I went back and read every show, and even remembered when everything had happened, like when Dynasty first formed, and how everyone was brough into it and junk. Great RP. Good Job.

Rios, I like how your a self proclaimed Face in this match, trying to make Will look that much worse, that much more of a bad guy, and I'm sure, in charecter, no one bought it lol. I liked the idea of using a video, and it was even custom made for you lol. Good RP, lots of good points, and I can't wait to see how student VS teacher goes.

Now, who do I think should win this match? The answer is actually simple. Big Will. Why? Because this is an e-fed. People have been complaining and leaving because of Rios "hogging" the title, and I don't think someone in power should be using that much of the power, no offence whatsoever. Plus, I think we could all use a new change of scenery.


Now... Anyone wanna do feedback for me?

 

[Father:_Polley]

Show feedback time.

To be honest, all the matches were absolutely awesome. All the writers deserve full credit as they really put a lot into the matches, and given the quality of RPs they had to work with, they let no-one down.

Looking forward to seeing 'What happened next', with so many potential storylines set up by the outcomes.

 

[Hyorinmaru]

the show was awesome! 100/10 definatly. For everyone who won their matches I See nothing but good things in store for you guys. I personally hope to become Co #1 Contender for the Elite-X Title. *Crosses fingers*

 

[Monkey_Mania]

I was really happy with they way the show turned out. I want to congratulate everyone who won there matches and also the title winners. The people who wrote matches for us, each of them were great. I also want to thank you all for making me feel so welcome around these parts, and also want to thank you for a great show. Especially my first big one. Thanks all.

 

[a0161613]

Great card guys.

I was going to post in the time off thread but that aint necessary now. Im off for a holiday but as i am not going to miss anything it is all good. I have managed to pull out one RP so it is for Murfy, Alex and Cory to bring it for everyone else in the match.

I look forward to seeing some feedback.

However, I couldn't believe Polley got one out even quicker.....I dont have time to leave proper feedback so I hope that you will be happy with - I thought it was great. *Pull out a second one, it could win you the match!!!*

 

[Derf]

Alright, feedback time! And we're only 1 RP short, no one got banned, so this should be fun!

Alex Bowen & Milenko v. Grand Mystique & Murf!sh

GM, when reading your RP, I couldn't help but think of... Batman. I never saw the movie, so maybe that was the idea anyays, but thats what I got. Probably from the Rey Mysterio thing from Summerslam. But anyways, real emotional RP... No, emotionals not the word I'm looking for... Detailed. Thats trhe word. I really like how you (and others) have actually mentioned their last match, and how bad it was, as opposed to ignoring it and going on regularly (like I did... Although my first RP for this got deleted, it did have me with a band-aid)

Milenko, it's good to see someone actually say "I'm in it for the gold", as opposed to "Gold means nothing even though I want it anyways". Once again, I like that you though of your injurys from your last match in your RP. Oh, and congrats on facing someone thats not Bowen lol. I like how you can "hate your partner", yet theres already been so much story in your rivalry that we can see how you as partners could actually work.

Murfish... I liked the old Murfish lol. The one that, although a heal, you just wern't sure. Your RP was to, whats the word... Quiet. I like to think of urfish as a big, loud guy, sometimes funny. A dark serious blue haired guy is just wierd. But thats my opinion, onto your RP... It was great. It was long, well though out, worded awesomely. I like how you singled out Milenko at the end, instead of thinking as both Bowen brothers as a single unit. Good job.

Oh, Murfish, I'm not on creativeor anything, I'm just shooing in the dark, but with writin starting soon, and your RP coming in so late, it might be a little late for those chatecter changes.

Alex Bowen, nice to see you RP on time (same as Murfish) But you turned heal I liked you as a face. or at least, you looked heal in your promo lol. And as much as Bowen and Milenko hate each other, you put the obvious hate aside for a chance at gold, which is awesome. You know, with this "heal turn", you and Milenko would b great contenders to the Tag titles in the future. With that said, I think Murfish and GM have earned the W in my opinion.


Anthony Michaels v. Eric Derf

Well I'm not gonna do feedback on myself, or pick a match winner, obviously, but I'll do fedback for Michaels. Great heal promo, thats the kind of heal I enjoy reading. Cocky, funny, able to poke fun at stuff. Not all the dark emotionless zombies we have running around. I also think it's cool that you think you "single handedly" won the titles, and you don't even like NorCal. when I read your promo, I was thinkin of Mr Kennedy saying every word. Good job.


Agrex v. Mike "The Assassin" Ryder

Congrats on your winning your debut match Mike Ryder! Hahaha Don't worry, I'll do feedback anyways. Just like Monkeys RP, I see a comedy heal, or better yet, a great heal with a taste for comedy. Not ead serious. I also like that your comin here with a story, being your family, grandparents, needing to impress. it might not last, but it's a great way to start, IMO. I have good faith in you being here for a while.

Agrex, on the other hand, not so much. Two late or missing RP's? Whats going on? are you still in, or are you out?


Vengeance v. Daniel Stokes

Vengeance, congrats on being the first to RP. And what an RP it was! I simply cannot wait to see who yur "master" is, assuming you've already got that much though up ahead of time. Good RP location, inside your chamber, even with the broken glass. And you like hurting people! Thats nice!

Stokes, your Aussie gimmick is cool, but you need to start doing some other stuff. My first two RP's were of my canadian gimmick. And I lost both. To Vengence no less. Other than that, well though out RP. But wouldn't the burning flag be kinda oxy moron? Why burn a flag?!?! lol But I see good things in you, your a great RPer, but I have to give the nod for this match to Vengence


Mayhem Championship: Everest (c) v. Apotheosis

Everest, I love your RPs. I can't imagine your RP's comingout of Lance storms mouth though! lol Awesome how you went from almost thinking of your title as a burden to a blessng. But if it ever becomes a burden again, I'll take it And the idea of being interviewed thee times, thats just funny. And good job on the little kid idea. I can honestly say your going to be WZCW first face champ, unless Will turns face.

Apotheosis (i got it!), I miss flogging myself. Thanks for the memories. I think you might have misread you you were facing though. You just cut a promo on Murfish. Your opponent is Everest. He wans't even in that match. You had an uphill battle as it was, but that got you nowheres. Good RP though. Everest for the Win.


"The One" Big Will v. Ben Legend

New world champ VS Returning Elite X Champ. Sounds fun.

First off, welcome back Ben Legend. I'm Eric Derf, the guy that's gonna take yout title someday lol. And you even foun a cameraman to follow you, just like I do (only mine is personal already) You really went into alot of detail on just returning to WZCW. Thats awesome. Even Bernie, that was just the cherry on the pie. And then you put more whip cream on that cherry with your RP against Will. No hard feelings, yet all the hate in the world. He "cost" you a few months, so it's only fair you get a shot at him upon return, and the Champ vs Champ part just makes it sweeter.

And Will, congrats on the world title win. I real your RP, and I can't tell if your a face or a heal anymore. I liked how you seemly didn't even notice earlier in the night Ben Legend won the title you helped build. Almost a cocky sorta dealio there. And the Anti Virus thing. Thats just funny (but I don't think it was Really help). And way to much wordplay!! hahaha.

So, for the winner of this match... I can't pick. it depends on one man, Josepg Rios. If he interferes, Ben Legend for the win. If Not, Will for the win.

Oh, and Will... Your worl champion. Shouldn't you have a last name now? lol

 

[Bentallica]

Alright, I just finished reading everyone's RPs, and I believe that means it's feedback time. So let's get to it.

Alex Bowen and Milenko vs Murf!sh and Grand Mystique

I'll go ahead and start with Bowen's RP. You know, I just wasn't feeling this RP. It started out very rough, and it had potential to be very good with the cemetary setting. But instead of creating an over-arching story for the RP, you seemingly ranted about how I'm not a suitable champion. Don't get me wrong, I expected to be shot down in 5 RPs this week, haha. I just think your arguement about it was very weak and could've used a bit more stability. Near the end, when you began to speak about the match itself and partnering with Milenko, the RP really picked up. I just don't think it was enough though. Not a bad RP, but I think I expected a bit more.

Now, let's talk about Milenko's RP. I thought this was a very well put together RP. I thought it was kind of short, at first. But after reading thoroughly, I felt it was a very good blend of narrative and speaking. I also like how you have a different take on partnering with Bowen, which was somewhat expected. I just think this was a very solid RP, and I really don't have too many faults with it. Except that the highlight video piece at the end seemed very out of place. I would've kept something like that out, but that's just me.

Alright, now we go on to GM's. You cranked out quite the RP this week, my friend. The thing I like about your RPs as of late is that they are very in depth. We get a full retrospective of the atmosphere, and it makes you care about GM and his well-being. I know a lot of people say length doesn't make the RP, which is right. But when you use such length to make something truly special, then more power to you. Great RP, probably the best out of the match, IMO.

Last but not least, Murf!sh's RP. Like Milenko's, this RP seemed kind of short at first glance. But that's mostly because there's much more depth in the speaking than the narrative. The mature take on your character seems like quite the drastic change, but your making it work, which is good. The reasonings behind your actions seem quite simple, though. Other than that, good RP.

WINNER: I'm gonna go with Murf!sh and GM, but I believe all four of you have certain aspects that make you all respectable contenders for my title. I'll be reading this one with great intrest.

Anthony Michaels vs Eric Derf

First and foremost, I have to say I loved Derf's RP. There's a certain aspect of it that I can't quite name that just makes it a delight to read. I thought the kayfabe breaking was perfect, although a wee bit out of place. Your shots at NorCal were great, and it all just came together nicely. Great RP.

And now we go on to Michaels's. It was a good RP, no doubt, but I just don't think it can beat Derf's. I think the arrogance of your character was captured nicely, but you didn't really give yourself enough space to work with. The RP was just too short, IMO, and I fully believe you could crank out one of a better caliber. Still a good RP, though.

WINNER: Well, if you haven't caught on, I'm going with Derf to take this one. He's got some great skills, and he could be a big force in the fed soon. But give some props to Michaels, though. He did put together a solid RP.

Agrex vs Mike "The Assassin" Ryder

What's up with Agrex no-showing again? If someone could get in contact with him, that would probably be good. I'm not questioning his dedication, and I'm sure he probably has a good reason to not be here, but I'd just like to know where he is.

But let's talk about the RP we did get for this match. I think you're trying to do too much for your first RP, Ryder. It seems like you took a lot of development for your character that could've been spread out much more and threw it into one RP. I think you definetely have an interesting character on your hands, you just need to work on your delivery.

WINNER: Obviously, Ryder is going to win this one.

Vengeance vs Daniel Stokes

Alright, will start with Vengeance. Again, a very interesting character. I like how you spoke of your character and what he stands for, and I like how you described his showing in the KFAD match. But no talk about Stokes in your RP is a definete let down. It was a very good RP ruined by no speaking about the match at hand. I still believe you have one of the most interesting characters in the fed, though.

Now on to Stokes's. Like Derf's, I really liked this RP. The pacing was very good, and the delivery was perfect. I really can't find a fault with this one. This another RPer to keep an eye on.

WINNER: It's gonna be close, but I'm gonna go with Stokes. This should be a fun one to read.

MAYHEM CHAMPIONSHIP: Everest (c) vs Apotheosis

Another solid Everest RP, folks. What a surprise. I love how you addressed the meaning of being Mayhem champ, and the contemplating of how you deserve better. The "Meet your favorite WZCW Wrestler" thing was a nice touch, and the multiple interviews got a little chuckle out of me. Yet another good RP from you.

I'll be honest, I thought Apotheosis's RP was kinda trippy. I see what you're going for, and the delivery was good, it's just that I think your character is kind of odd. Interesting, but odd. A solid RP nonetheless.

WINNER: Another close one, but I think Everest is gonna take this one. He has gold, and he's not gonna let it go so early.

"The Uprising" Ben Legend vs "The One" Big Will

I'm obviously not gonna give myself feedback, so let's talk about Will's. A very good RP, no doubt, but I am questioning your character's direction. It seemed like you were going face after winning the World title, but you brought back some classic heel Will with this one, I think. Other than that, I think you belittled me the best. But it think the snappy word play may have been a bit much, haha.

WINNER: Again, can't choose. So I'll leave that to you guys.

RP OF THE SHOW
It's either Derf or Stokes for me. But if I had to choose, I'd go with Derf, definetely. Don't get me wrong, though, I think everyone put out some solid RPs. It should be a fun show.

 

[Uncle Phatso]

To derf.

Kinda funny and Good use of the quote, and little picture quote things. Loved the little refrences to the e fed in there. Such as rp and breaking kayfabe. But really just try to stick to the reality aspect here. People don't know this is a e fed. Its a story and its all real. But still good quotes,they added to the reality aspect of the rp. And good stuff on your opponets. Allways use that to your advantage.

 

[Danmen001]

Sorry guys, but for this lot of RPs. I simply do not have time to reveiw them. I could fit it in, but the reviews wouldn't exactly be worth anything. If i have time, next show I will reveie them in depth.

I just though I'd post this because I wanted to answer Derf in particular about my character. I know that you lost your matches, but it may be different for me. Besides, I don't really want to revamp my gimmick totally ... that would be kinda pointless. I mean what you mean by "other stuff", and I can incorporate that as well. But keeping to my Aussie gimmick isn't going to hurt.

In fact it almost sounds like you're basing my RP on my gimmick. But, maybe that is just from my perspective.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Vengeance: As always very cryptic, and while it was definately different, it always seems to remain the same. I liked the slight hint of Vengeance questioning whether or not 'The Master' was only brain-washing him and using him.. only to swerve directly back to the darkness, in saying regardless of whether that's true or not, the reason he also does it.. is because he loves doing it.

The negative I have, albeit not a big one, is you completely gave no inclusion of your opponent, as if you didn't even have one. The funny thing is, we talked about this during Kingdom Come (we as in the whole e-fed) and the fact that an RP DOES NOT have to include your opponent, but it has to make a point. Vengeance, your RPs always make a point, but I'm also kind to the add-in on showing your opponents at least name respect. (In other words, mentioning you're facing them, as opposed to purely ignoring them at all)

a0161613: The very first thing I want to say is THANK YOU. Why? Because that Rp has to be shorter than your last, and you still got your point across. (See, wasn't that hard ) Now then, I have to say while you continue to describe your surroundings a bit too much.. it definately set the surrounding to get a different type of vibe. I don't know what you wanted us to feel, but I pictured Grand Mystique being kinda like Eric Draven from 'The Crow', in the rain on the rooftop.

I completely enjoyed how you played off the purpose of the match, the feuds within your team and your opponent's team, and the goal being a shot at the Elite X Championship. Well done indeed.

The one thing I'll say is this. I believe you've given away bits of a storyline that wasn't fully revealed yet. Murf!sh 'turned' on you at Kingdom Come, but it was a match in which everyone was for themselves. So it should've been expected. However you seem to have revealed Murf!sh as also being the guy who attacked you on Meltdown as well.. I have to admit, I don't write everything for each show, but was it revealed at Kingdom Come that Murf!sh was that attacker as well?? I didn't think it was.

Ben Legend: Your RP was definately on fire and great. It started out kinda boring and slow, and it just seemed like a typical guy walking backstage as the show was getting ready to go. But then you stepped into everything. Talking about your injury, talking about our connection with that injury. Talking about training to get back, your title win, what you're gonna do to Big Will, and even more on 'The Uprising".

I loved your play on words with using selfishness to be apart of Will, all because he calls himself 'The One'. Very impressive, a lot more than my "Are you a Legend, or a Has-Ben". At any rate.. your Rp was everything I wanted to see. You took every element and just went to town on them. I didn't see any negatives other than the beginning just kinda doesn't catch on quickly.. so some might not know how great it becomes, because they could've gotten too bored to finish.

Derf: First and foremost, I wanted to point out that when I seen your RP I almost dread reading it, because it looked to go on FOREVER. I was pleasantly surprised to know I could skip over 40% of it because it was you "replaying" the Pay per view that should still be fresh in everyone's mind.

I'm gonna say while I loved your Ricky-isque RP attempt, I don't know if that'll help or not. I laughed, and I assume that was your point in writing it, so well done. Outside of that, you hit all your levels on que, but whether you put full 'strength' behind them or not is another story.

The most you said was that you could've won had you just been able to rest. You didn't really add much more than that, regarding your loss. You had more fun addressing Agrex missing an RP, then talking about him letting you down as a Partner. (albeit you mentioned that as well)

Finally, I loved how you ended your Rp because it's almost like you could be reading into the match. While I wouldn't say you are or not, you adding NorCal and even mocking him leaves everything wide open as to whether or not you're trying to continue a feud against BOTH Tag Team Champions. Overall, it was one of your better Rps. (nice and med. length too)

DJ Supreme: Mike Ryder's debut RP. It had some good points and negative points. First, I liked the backdrop on Ryder doing this for his Family. However the off-set from that is are you a heel or a face?

I ask because as a heel, you demanded cocky respect by being refered to as "Sir" all the time. You also did a couple other heelish tactics. Yet as a face, you showed respect toward Family, something a heel rarely does. And you said this is about your pride and honor.. two things a heel doesn't have.

I'm not saying this to upset you, but I really wish Agrex would've Rped because I think he could've definately challenged you. You didn't give much explanation on anything, outside of the slight Family backdrop, and to say you're gonna be the best in the company. (not really original) I think you'll do just fine as time rolls on and you RP more.

Milenko: Much like GM, you played off everything as well, only not with as many words or as long-winded RP. lol Like I've said before though, Less is more on some occasions, and you definately showed that here.

I love perfectly how you started with a small preview of teaming with your brother, albeit I would've liked if you continued to play a bit more off that. I mean, you and Bowen teaming up could be just as symbolic as the Undertaker and Kane together for the first time. This is a big moment, and you kinda pushed it aside.

The thing I loved the most, was the one thing I don't feel GM capitalized on the most. That's your opponents. You took the mind games that are already between Mystique and Murf!sh and you added to them x10. It was perfectly done, and in a real-life wrestling promo I think you'd be seen as the top player in the match for that alone.

I don't have hardly any negatives other than what I already said.. that being I wished you would've played off teaming with your brother for the first time a bit more. I've loved your storyline with him for as long as it's went on. I know other's got bored with it, but I've always been a fan.. so to see it kinda just take a back-seat and fade away suddenly is disappointing.

Everest: If I said it's nice to see you back, would you understand what I meant? LOL Once again you had a very good, if not great RP. I loved how you played perfectly on the Mayhem Championship being considered somewhat of a "reject" title in W.Z.C.W., and afterall it is an 'unsanctioned' title.

I loved how you played on Everest feeling somewhat lack-luster and depressed with being in the company so long, and having his first title being the one he himself could've seen as a joke. Finally, having everything turn on the drop of a dime from the words of a child is A-1 face branded good-guy sauce.

No negatives from this Rp, unless you factor in the small amounts of opponent mentioning, albeit you mentioned him twice and really did the only thing you could, since neither of you have any type of past and Apotheosis is still new. So with that said, great RP.

Monkey: All in all a good Rp with some positives and negatives. The up-side is the cockiness levels you show are off the charts, which is what your character is so you play it perfectly. I think in some manner you could've shown a bit more "paranoya" toward NorCal looking for you. Even as a cocky heel, the one thing they all know how to do.. is act scared and play off not being it. You didn't show any type of emotion toward NorCal being on the lookout for you, other than to run him down.

As far as your bits regarding your opponent, like I've said I'm keen on liking when people mention their opponent and try to win based off that. I know it's not a requirement and you obviously don't have to, but to me it's a respect type of thing. I wouldn't expect anyone to win over anyone else, if they didn't even acknowledge them being in a match. (This is going back to a staff argument over a 3-way in which someone would've won, but they neglected to mention one of the 2 opponent's they had.. and that opponent completely tore them a new butt in their RP)

At any rate, your RP was designed not so much to have anything to do with Derf, as opposed to your beginning feud (apparently) w/ NorCal.. so on that level, you hit all 5 star qualities.. minus the "scared but refusing to accept it" bit. Nice Rp overall.

Danmen001: I was very impressed by your RP. I thought you took your loss from Kingdom Come and turned it into a passion not just for your character, but for everything your character stands for. You mentioned some great points about your opponent only wanting to inflict pain, not so much win. You then brought up great connections, or rather the lack there of.

I don't have any negatives toward your RP, as I feel it was one of your best. However (not a negative, just picking at minor details) ever since you joined I've been reading your character as if he was Steve Irwin. (sp?) Half of the beginning portion of your RP.. I didn't get that vibe at all. It was hard for me to read it, just because I didn't feel it was being said by an Australian. Outside of that, arguably one of your (if not the) best Rps.

S.E.M.: Your RP started out very good, then you completely swerved on who you were refering to, by directing practically everything to Murf!sh. It's one thing to not mention your opponent, it's a comple other to write a RP about a guy that has zero factor in the match itself. I'm confused by this, other than to assume you want to feud w/ Murf!sh??

The reason I'm unsure what to think is because your RP has a deepness to it, a level of darkness that some may not see, and the twisted part is, it's something several have followed in life. I liked the addition of "flogging" and I know of what it is. (didn't know the name for it though) You're definately adding depth to your character and that's what made this RP amazing.

Again though, I just can't look beyond the fact that you took everything and completely turned in against a guy that wasn't even involved in the match. This is also a Championship match, which definately leaves me confused because you gave zero interest in gold being available to you. Great RP, but it would've been perfect if it was against Murf!sh, not Everest. lol I'm hoping you'll explain whatever it is I'm missing.

Murf!sh: For starters, you've pissed a lot of people off. I'd say it's arguable to call you the best heel in the company right now. Your name is appearing in my Rps than anyone else. Now, onto your RP.. very nice, kinda gave a "Masterpiece Theatre" feel to it.

This is a whole new side to the Murf!sh character and one I have to admit I love. I'm seeing you as an up-tight, snobbish genius, who thrives on playing games with people's minds. If this is where you're going, keep it up because I for one love the direction. I will point out you said "lockdown" instead of "meltdown" though. Way to go, genius.

I loved your 'masterpiece' type play with the biblical reflections on Milenko and Bowen being a modern day Cain and Abel. I also loved how you explained your turn on Mystique at Kingdom Come. All of which were excellent points. Overall, I have zero negatives with your RP. Great stuff.

Alex Bowen: The one negative I have right from the very beginning is the use of foul language. I get that it's fine and all, and it apparently adds character to some.. but I couldn't read through your RP without you feeling the need to swear in and out of each sentence. I find that a bit over-played.

I love how you continue to play along with your storyline with your brother. You did it a lot better than Milenko did, and for that I loved this Rp. Even with all the blood that's been lost. Even through every war you've both had. Bowen still seems to have a small piece of care left for his brother, and that just plays on me more than anything. I loved it. It's sad to a degree.

You didn't say much about Murf!sh and Mystique, other than to mock their characters which is fine to a degree. Again the large amount of swearing comes into play. You aren't the first person to think foul language in Rps = victories every time.. but I hope you're smarter than he was as well.

All in all, it was a very good Rp, and well thought out. I loved the setting, the backdrop for the story you unfolded for us, and all in all practically everything in general. I just can't get beyond the endless amount of foul language you felt needed to be used. Good Rp, could've been great if you cut back on the cussing.

Overall: I'm very proud to have seen everyone RP for their matches. Minus one person who also explained why. Thank each of you very much for the amount of dedication you've shown.

Derf, while your dedication levels are off the charts.. so is your annoyance level. Stop it. I'm not trying to be an ass to you, or mean, but you're turning people against the e-fed, because you're constantly trying, if not downright demanding, that people give feedback.

If I've said it more than once, then you people need to listen closer. Feedback will be given by those who want to give it. You can't force anyone to give it, and those you do force don't often know what they're suppose to say any ways.. and just randomly find something to say to make you feel good. It's going to build you into thinking you're better or worse than you are.

All in all, asking for feedback is fine. (in the bar room) But demanding it, and pushing for it in every other post you have.. it's annoying, and it's borderline depressing. So please watch what you do. I appreciate the amount of dedication you're showing, it's more than any two individuals in this e-fed combined.. but sometimes dedication and annoyance can be blurred. So be careful.

 

[Father:_Polley]

As promised...Feedback time

Vengeance - This guy is just pure awesome. Like I'm that vain. I'll admit this isn't my best RP. I felt my KC one owned that right, but this was purely done to address the past - What made my character and why I chose to pursue a path. My opponent wasn't mentioned as a way of highlighting what was said, to make you notice the omission and what I did say.
Daniel Stokes - I admit I was a little confused at times, however you're improving very very quickly and finding your rhythm and I look forward to working with you on the match.

GM - You're an absolute master at setting the scenes. I like the vicious side to your character that seems to be coming out. The way you word things is eloquent, and makes you seem menacing as opposed to outright nasty. Between you and Murfish, you both do that aspect so well. With regards to Will's comment...I took it as you assuming it was Murfish, as opposed to having hard evidence. Either way, I liked the visual aspects to it and it's a strong RP
Murfish - I read the intro and thought 'What?'. Then I read it and thought 'Damn that is clever'. To me, you come across as a sort of William Regal...arrogant, pompous, but able to back up what you say and stir things up spectacularly well. I love the classical references, as well as the biblical analogies to the RP and it was fun to read
Milenko - Again, an RP which was filled with pure contempt and selfishness to fit your character perfectly.
AB - I've said before I'm not a fan of the swearing. In moderation it's ok. Other than that...an unusual RP. Confident, focused on the gold, all good. The setting threw me just. lol. I'm easily thrown

Everest - Using a child to get your point across. So cheap...so damn effective. lol. It works and helps keep you face while saying what you like about your opposition
Apoptheosis - Dark and very gothic RP in its violence. Effective...but the Murfish scenario hurts you my friend.

Mike Ryder - a solid debut RP. Good start, but develop a persona and work on it, hone it and make the character yours. I appreciate the family aspect...but make it one or other.
Agrex - I'll miss you

Two left...
Monkey - I like the whole aspect of dismissing Derf (He deserves it) I jest. It's a very effective way to make yourself heel and show complete disregard for others...and adding in the Scooby Doo impression works well.
Derf - I like the playing the clips to show your strengths. Blaming Agrex made you look better. the humour was good, a little 'smarky' for want of a better term, but it def made me smile a bit. Intensity wise...a perfectly pitched RP given the state of your character

And finally...the champions
Ben - I liked the meet the new champ. thought it was a good way to introduce yourself again, especially since you were gone when I arrived. It was a nice start. However...I call gimmick infringement on the last line! Overall...a nice RP and definately a good way to fuel the rivalry
Will - Master of the pun as ever. The play on words are all very intelligent, and I see you as Edge with the little one-liners to get your point across. Very good debut RP as champ

Tough show to call...hence no predictions. Very good though by all.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Eric Derf: To me, this has been your best RP yet. It's not too long, it's very in-depth and it shows just how much Eric Derf is disappointed in losing, but at the same time doesn't feel it's his fault so much as the companies. I love the direction the anger is taking Derf.

If you had no clue you were facing Manzo next, you sure found a needle in a haystack, the only problem is it was more like a bomb in a factory because out of ALL your opponent's, I know Manzo (Isy) is going to give you the most in his RP(s).

With this being Meltdown, it might just help you that multiple RPs are allowed, but realize quickly you could type out 100 Rps and all Isy has to do is find 1 really great one to beat them all. It isn't in how many you produce, it's how good you produce them. I definately love the direction this RP is going and the unsettling nature Derf seems to be in, especially with feeling the pressure of losing all the time.

Well done Derf, no complaints from me for this Rp at all.. your best yet.

Kyle Christiansen: You had a nice beginner RP, but I can definately find flaws in what you've done. For starters, you did the one thing that I believe everyone will or has done in their RPing 'careers' and that's basically say nothing more than "I'm the best and I'm promising that I'll win".

The thing is, you can't guarantee anything, so unless you want to make your character look really foolish, or unless you're out-rageously confident, I wouldn't make bold predictions and risk your character's credibility. I'm not saying the cockiness is out of place.. from what I gather, you're a heel and you definately have the heelish nature to be one.

What I advise is this. Read over your opponent's Rps, do some in-depth research on them, especially Apotheosis who (to me) is your biggest threat. I'm not saying Ryder isn't one, I'm just not yet sure of what he can/can't do. I've only seen one RP by him, and if I recall it was without an opponent to go against.

I also suggest searching deeper inside your own character to give us all something to read and learn. A simple 'I'm gonna win' promo isn't enough to gain you the victory, and I can almost guarantee short of both of them no-RPing, you won't win with that one RP alone. It was good for a beginning RP, but if you expect to win, you need to strive deeper. I'm sure you can, you were hired afterall.

Vengeance: You claim I'm very witty with the word-play, but at the same time every RP I've ever read by you, you're dead-on with the cult-like character. I'm still more than plugged in for being curious on this whole "Master" storyline and where it's going to lead.

I loved how subtly you played off the loss to Stokes as being all apart of proving a point, that is perhaps the best thing you've done yet. Just because it shows you in a new light, it shows what you can do when you aren't winning and how you respond to it. I liked it very much, indeed.

I would like to see a bit more, as I honestly felt the Rp was somewhat too short. I refuse to say "longer is better" mainly because I don't want GM to read this and get a hint that he needs to out do me. I would, however, like to see a continued path in where this storyline is going.

Depending on Daniel's RP, I might just get my wish because I'm unsure if this one RP can win you the match alone.. and Daniel is greatly improving with each RP he posts. (in my opinion)

Never the less, this was once again another great, cryptic, RP that was definately fitting of your character. The last bit with the Australian flag was a perfect ending as well.

 

[a0161613]

Derf, awesome start, absolutely nailed it and it has me itching to read the next.

Iscariot, nice focus on the past...I hope we get one focussing on the future?

1&only, very short (too short IMO) and as Will pointed out the common flaw of overconfidence is also present. It will get better, I am sure.

Polley, awesome description again, on the short side of a decent length, but it is totally fulfilling at the same time.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Iscariot: First and foremost, I warned Derf that he was going to have a challenge and I believe that challenge has shown it's first true colors of being powerful. I enjoyed the flash backs that showed Manzo in his debuting true form, a monster that destroys everything in his path.

The one thing I'm more interested in, even more than the tournament and Vengeance's 'Master' is where the storyline will go with Magnus controlling and using Manzo for his own personal gain. If I read it correctly, I think I read Manzo seemingly unhappy at first, and the entire RP was basically Magnus telling Klamor about how he'll reign supreme over all (more or else) with his 'tool' Manzo.

I don't have any regrets about this RP, and for anyone who might feel jaded due to Manzo not being involved more.. I think it goes without saying that normally the mouth-piece for every Superstar is the main focus in promos. This time, Magnus, is the Puppet Master and Manzo is his pawn. I can't wait to see where that goes.

G.M.: I could almost e-hug you, almost. You finally cut your RP down (kinda) to a 'to the point' (kinda) type of way. The flashbacks were nice, but I'm a little unclear why they were used or needed.

You had a nice blend of focus on NorCal, as well as Murf!sh which is where your main focus needed to be. NorCal, being your partner, and Murf!sh being one of your opponent's. The only thing to me is.. and I of course never mean offense, but it's really HARD for me to understand where G.M. is coming from.

I just don't know what I'm suppose to feel when I read your promos, because I get the feeling you aren't in 100% character mode. Again, maybe it's just me and if it is I'll take that myself because "I" just can't get a grip on how to read your promos and get the proper feel for where they're suppose to come from.

The main thing(s) I gathered were what I assume you were trying to give off, which is basically you'll show Murf!sh how enraged you are with him, but you'll also save a bit for the p.p.v. The one thing I felt the entire RP was focused on was getting NorCal to get enraged though, and destroy Anthony Michaels. Again, I'm sorry Alex, you are definately a good RPer and you have written some great ones as well.. but it's hard for me to get any type of feel for them lately because I don't know where they're suppose to be coming from.

 

[a0161613]

The flashbacks refer to the first paragraph Will, about pain, betrayal etc......I was trying to come up with something different in my RP's.

I will make no bones about it. I am struggling with things; for one, trying to come to terms with writing these short RP's. I feel that I have to sacrifice either speech or description to fit in with the short style that is preferred here. (I try not to make my longer RPs seem boring but for some reason I think some think I believe quantity over quality which is bull. If it wasn't relevant and / or interesting then i would not use it)

And with the Murf!sh angle, I have been trying to play off the fact that GM is still not quite right in the noggin', and has not been since before the last PPV. But if that is not coming across well, then I will need to try and rethink.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

The flashbacks refer to the first paragraph Will, about pain, betrayal etc......I was trying to come up with something different in my RP's.

I'll never mock that, or shun it. Coming up with something unique and unlike the stereo-typical 'promo' that 90% of all Rps are, is always a good thing. And I liked the beginning, it's just I couldn't get a grip or understanding on why it was there or what it was leading into with the rest of your RP, except for the betrayal bits regarding NorCal & You, compared with Murf!sh and Anthony.

I will make no bones about it. I am struggling with things; for one, trying to come to terms with writing these short RP's. I feel that I have to sacrifice either speech or description to fit in with the short style that is preferred here. (I try not to make my longer RPs seem boring but for some reason I think some think I believe quantity over quality which is bull. If it wasn't relevant and / or interesting then i would not use it)

I think this is something "I" should apologize to you for. Alex, I never once intended to come across in telling you, forcing you, or even demanding to you that you had to shorten them. If you write better with them longer, then do it. Do what you need to do, to ensure to yourself it's a winning RP.. cause otherwise, what's the point?

But all I'm saying, and once more this is just MY point of view, not everyone else's.. but to me, I have honestly found myself drifting in and out of your long written RPs because I can't keep my concentration up for them. It's hard for me to get where you're going in them, because if anything so much stuff is just either dragging on and on and on, or too much detail on pointless things is boring me.

But regardless of all of that, if YOU feel they're worthy of winning, and you like them.. WRITE THEM. I'm not the guy writing your RPs, and I'm not the solo individual judging whether or not it's worth winning, I'm just giving you my opinion because I have no reason to lie and tell you they're 100% perfect.

And with the Murf!sh angle, I have been trying to play off the fact that GM is still not quite right in the noggin', and has not been since before the last PPV. But if that is not coming across well, then I will need to try and rethink.

Once again this could be all on me. As I stated in the away thread I wasn't going to be around for a while because I had some personal issues to tend to. Personally, I'm understanding how G.M. is in the 'not right in the head' bit. So maybe it was just my inability to stay concentrated on the RP long enough to catch any of this.

 

[a0161613]

It's fine Will. I wasn't digging at you at all, it is the general feeling that I get from some of the guys on occasions. I don't feel that I would do the character any justice by making an RP shorter. I feel my problem with GM is that I feel obliged to describe the surroundings to aid the mysticism and maintain the aura about him.

I think the length issue came about from my KC RP; looking back that was far too long and I could have taken so much away from that and it would be no better or worse. I have been thinking about that recently and I am intending to remedy that.

 

[Father:_Polley]

Derf...I must say it's good. I like the anger and the frustration. The humour is good at times, but as you seem to have noticed, gold brings out the desperation and fury needed.

The reaction was brilliant and pretty real and it lead in perfectly to the following RP. Overall - masterful moves.

With that...Iscy was up to the task and is equally sadistic and manipulative with Magnus. I love the tension in there with Manzo. The power hunger is there and it leads to an outstanding match.

My verdict - who knows. A 1-2-3 Kid/Razor Ramone scenario...anything could happen and I look forward to seeing what actually does

 

[Derf]

Alright, Feedback Time! what looked like it was going to be a card with alot of holes quickly filled out at the last minute. So in saving the Chase Matchs for the end, I'll start off with the Triple Threat.

Apeothesis VS Mike Ryder Kyle Christianson

Well, right now we have a triple threat mtch involving three heals who currently have no direction. Anyone thats reading this and thinking of signing up, this is why we need faces. Wanna be garenteed a story? Use a face. Moving on...

Mr Christianson, your first RP was honestly, IMO, your basic Debut Heal RP. Not that it's a bad thing, as in reading it, I already feel I know you. I honestly "Lol'ed" at Leon "Washington". It's Kensworth. An speaking of names, you didn't even mention anything about your actual opponents, and thats a huge mistake on your behalf.

Mr Ryder, your RP was awesome. I didn't know how you would continue to use your dead grandparents as a story, but this RP fit it perfect. I also liked the idea of a semi drunk heal. And the fact that you managed to trash tak both opponents in the same segments, as opposed to lising paragraphs trashing each one one at a time, is awesome. Last week, your opponent no-showed, and you won by default. This week, two opponents showed, and I still think you can win it. But first...

Mr Apeothesis... Your RP wasn't as detailed as some of your other RP's. And unlike the above, you used two dfferent paragraphs to trash your opponents, and as well Murfish, which completely threw me off. In case your one of te ones that doesn't follow other RP's and stoies, Murfish already has a match at the next PPV. It's a triple threat match between himself, GM, and ben Legend for the X title. In a nutshell, I've seen wat you can do, and this isn't near your best RP.

I closing, I think this match should be won by Mike Ryder, his RP was awesome. Apeothesis, you can do better, and Kyle, you will learn as you go.


Mighty NorCal & Grand Mystique VS Murfish & Milenko (formerly Anthony Michaels)

First off, an interesting twist in this matchup. Michaels is gone, but seeing as Monkey is on creative, one can't help but think he's gone for long, and I can see him screwing with NorCal in this match. But onto the RP's...

Mr GM... First off, I'll make note that you wrote your RP for when Michaels was still in this match, so I forgiv you for no mention of Milenko. But I liked the clip show of others getting hurt. It made me glee to see my name pop up in your RP. After that, other then the bottle anology, your RP kinda... Fizzled out... (see what I did there?) It became the basic RP. But at least you mentioned your Redemption opponent, that gets bonus points in my mind.

Mr Milenko, congrats on being on the card. And I'm glad you were it just furthered things one step further for yourself. But I have one question... Did you push Michaels of his bike to get put on the card? Lol I kid. Pretty good RP, I didn't like how you ended it though. Talking out possibly havin atitle shot in an RP tha in no way leads to gold. Thats a negative in my book.

Mr Murfish, I want to know were you come up with your ideas, and if I can borrow a few of em. Thi RP was quite awesome, I like this Murfish better then last weeks Murfish. I can't really see any flaws in this RP. I'm just glad yu got it in on time.

Mr NorCal... I get your charecter perfectly. But your RP's have been... lacking. I've only seen two RP's and they were both quite short. And this ones not the best, No offence. I dislike when people talk down ther opponents ne at a time, and thats literally all yours was. It immediatly started talking about ne guy, and ended in epragraph about another. I think being a champion requires a sligh bit more work put into his RP's, maybe some detail as to where you ar, how you look, hell, if it would have bene formatted with color... I can tell it was rushed at the last minute, so maybe you should take a bit more time next time.

I'm leanin towards Murfish and Milenko for the win here. Milenko had a pretty good RP, and Murishs RP was awesome.

And now onto the Chase Tournament!

Steamboat Ricky VS Big Will

What could have been agreat match ends with a double RP, which I'm assuming is ment to be for storylines purposes, or I would hope anyways. But or the No show either way, I would hope this match isn't the ME because of it. So maybe this match will happen next week? Maybe no at all? maybe someone gets a By in the tournament? who knows. Wait till meltdown and see folks!

Everest VS Alex Bowen

First off, I was hoping to see Bowens RP, but he couldn't get it in due to a family emergency, which sucks. But I'll look at Everest's RP anyways.

Mr Everest, once gain you follow through with an awesome RP, and I still don't see how your still not World Champion. I though it was funny that you claimed you didn't even know Bowen, and even went as far as to get him confused with Rob Shnieder, or however you spell it. It was a nice long RP wih lots of talking, and allhe inbetween detail to keep it going smooth. Everest is my 2nd pick to win thisole tourny sed on this weeks RPs. (I'm first) Everest for the win.

Daniel Stokes VS Vengeance

Mr Vengeance... The only problem ad with your RP's is the way to almost completely devided them up. Your first RP was all abou Stokes, not a word on being in a tourny. When you did mention the tournament in your 2nd RP, you barely menioned Stokes at all. The only thing you said was "Daniel Stokes. This week we shall meet again." Thats it. Both were individualy great RP's, but thefact that they were so far devided to get two different points across costs you points. Oh, and you acuse Manzo of ****ing himself out to satisfy another... good job "coughmastercouch"

Mr Stokes. Awesome RP. And dedicating an e-fed match to Steve Irwin on the anniversary of his death? Dude, I honestly hope yo win this match. Not just because of the dedicating, but you RP was awesome! You showed you had a goal, and like Mr Irwin, you now plan on being the guy that keeps Aussies on the map. You set a hell of a goal, and your reaching it. Great Job

I honestly think and want Daniel Stokes to win this match. Vengeance, your devdeing of you points cost you big time in y eyes, especially goingup gainst such an awesome RP.

Eric Derf VS Manzo

I knew coming into this match, I was gong to be challenged, and I wasn't left disapointed. Your RP was really good. I'm afraid to even do any feedback on my opponent this week. But I will say this, I stepped my game up, and I honestly think this atch has a 50/50 chance of goin either way. So may the better RP'er win

"Extends to shake Iscys hand..."