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RP Feedback Thread

In that case I should post when I should be asleep more often. I was half wondering myself about how I could pull it off I must say, but now all I need is some inspiration for my own RP.

On a side note, yours was rather good. Quite James Bond like with all the mirrors, but it was definately effective.

Derf I'm waiting to see what parts two and three are before I make judgement, but a good backdrop to the character
 
Danmen - Sorry, i neglected your debut RP and that was remiss of me. I agree with what will said...it's impossible to read without hearing it in a strong Australian accent. For a debut RP, it is a sign of great things to come, especially since you pretty much came into this thing in what is in effect a free-for-all match with no backstory to the match other than it was something you were contracted into, and you managed to make light of the man who made the match and the champion.

I look forward to reading your future work and destroying you at a later date.
 
Derf: Without a doubt, the story you're telling is one that grabs you and pulls you in. I went from the first part of the story to not really understanding it.. to the second part of the story and wanting to know what's going to happen next.

The final part (I assume 3 is the final part) I would still hope actually has something to actually do with the match, however, as the objective of RPs are to more or less go against your opponents, not tell a life story.

By no means am I trying to discourage you though. Thus far, this is the best set of RPs you've put out.. and I can not, simply can not wait.. for the third installment. Goodluck with everything.
 
First of all can I say that frankly it sucks that something stupid like 7 of us have RP'd and it is two days before deadline. The lack of commitement is astounding.

Vengeance - I like the language and the intentions a lot, it's clearly well thought out. Though it's far too short for my liking, prob means that i wanted to read more of it.

Derf – this is amazing, the story is amazing, the formatting actually helps to increase the quality of the story that you are telling. This shows potential, a lot of it.

Milenko – again, far too short. I liked the fact that the mental aspect is played on. If Alex doesn’t rp this fued has to end IMO, you have to be pushed on at his expense. The last line was brilliant almost playing on the fact that he may not even rp again.

All the Rios ones done by you guys were far too short, but again the ideas behind them were very good.

Danmen – I see Crocodile Dundee - not Steve Irwin, the lines attacking both Rios and Will are great.

Will – very good, I am concerned about the thought process and general direction of a heel vs heel match at a big PPV like this, one of you needs to change and I think it has to be you. There were aspects of this which showed that but also it was very heelish.

Apotheosis – loved the wording, but it should have been broken up. It hurts it IMO.

My RP's are finished and they are right up there with my best work.

I want some feedback.
 
In response to GM's comments, I think the amount of RPing has been pretty good. I am very pleased with the volume of RPs even a few days after the card being posted. So, let's not jump to too many conclusions that RPs are missing because people don't have strong commitments.

I have not RPed yet because I been trying to hammer stuff out with the entire production of the show, although I must say that I am impressed that Will has RPed already, considering the amount of thought he has put into the show's execution.

Fear not, however, as I will have my RPs in before the deadline, save some emergency surfaces.
 
a0161613: You're RP is really good. It's very descrptive. I also really enjoyed the whole "detective" thing Leon was playing to found out GM's condition. Good job! :thumbsup:
 
Agrex and Derf, two really emotional RPs and I found myself really drawn into the reasons as to why you are both here, and want to end the losing streaks. And with those RPs, you will against pretty much anyone on here in my view.

I was going to post another RP tonight, but I thought it was more deserving of my Kingdom Come RP in this case. there is one posted though that ties in to the Rios situation and addresses the health of GM
 
Everest, I just read your RP. I liked that you mentioned every single person in the match in it, the location was simple and easy to Understand. I also like that you sorta went out of your way to let me and Agrex know not to talk about the past as much as focusing on the future. And with the RPs I just did, I do plan on now focusing on my future instead of my past. I'mm be more offencive in RPs as opposed to more reminisent. Sorta. You'll see when I post my Rios/Roster Rp tomorrow.
 
e-Derf thank you for the feedback. I do want to clear up the one point about my RP. My telling you to focus on the future was purely in character. If Everest is sitting there watching your promo on TV knowing he's teaming with you both his first thought is going to be, these 2 need to be ready for what's coming. I loved both of your guy's RP's and I think they were nicely done and I understand the direction you are going and can't wait to read the follow ups. All in all I guess I'm trying to say I thought your RP's were good, very good. Sorry I think I rambled on.

See you at Meltdown.
 
Michigan...I have to say I really enjoy your RPs. They're really well written and very simple. No drawn out imagery, just straight to the point, almost brutal in the way they are composed. And yet there's just something about Everest that appears so approachable and almost likeable, despite the intensity he conveys. I enjoyed both RPs and somewhat dread the day I have to go up against you
 
Ricky, Awesome RP. That was quite funny. As you can see, I even went as far as to sig a little part of it. You keep coming out with even funnier RP's, and I'm far to scared to even ask where these ideas come from. I though I was random, you take the cake.
 
Thank you e-polly I appreciate that and don't worry when the time comes you'll be able to hold your own. You are doing just fine.
 
A little late for feedback, I suppose, but here it is nonetheless and I am doing it for the first time. I can't do them all, so I will pick a few. I shall learn to do this better.

Murf!sh - Hilarious, strange, and from my simple understanding of your character, it fit perfectly. I loved how you went from comic mode into serious mode. The hospital stuff was slightly deranged and a little creepy, but I found it to be really funny. The distress over getting the chicken soup to GM was priceless. I also enjoyed how you used Angie as a venting tool, it allowed me to see inside your head a little more and know what you're feeling. Murf!sh really cares for GM, I think, and he's just under a lot of stress lately. I really loved it.

GM - Very mysterious stuff going on and never really could tell if GM was okay or not. But all that strange stuff was awesome, lights shattering, and what seems like a dreamlike trance or maybe another dimension or something, very cool. I kept picturing Mysterio with all of Taker's powers. I liked the set-up, very descriptive and really emotional. The way you described the situation made me feel for GM. When he woke up and talked with Leon and the girl, that was good stuff. Really angry and really prophetic words of doom. I also enjoyed your vocabulary. Very supernatural, and very very good.

Vengeance - Amazing as usual. I love the way you talk. I love your directness and the brutality contained within it all. I felt like you were in the hospital watching the proceedings of GM. That made it even better. The Master and your destiny. You are right in saying that we are agreed and are on a similar path. I really don't no what else to say, it was great. I loved your anger , hatred, and fury in your roster RP. How you addressed that it wasn't in The Master's plan and what you're gonna do about it. It was most definitely justified. I can't wait to see your scapegoat.

BigWill - Yours was very interesting. I loved the use of the hall of mirrors, and it was very cool. Your over here reminded of me the first X-Men movie when Wolverine is about to leave the mansion and Professor X just invades his mind with similar things and Batman looking for Ducard in the army of ninjas in Batman Begins. This thing between you and Rios is deeply seeded and very personal, so I loved how the promo was all about him and why you chose this match. When you finally appeared, that capped it off nicely. I also hope the Willenium was on the cameraman, and not the camera, cause if the camera got it, that's a strange visual.

Danmen001-I love Australians and I am glad that you're not going the Bushwhacker route. I liked how you provided an introduction to who you are, and segued into why you're gonna beat Rios for career reasons and to show what Aussies are really made of. Nice debut RP. Thanks for the pics as well, especially Uluru, I've never seen it and thanks to Lost, I'm really interested in learning about it. I liked how you employed Australian speech, that helped in reading it in an Australian accent. Good job.

Milenko- I liked the idea of yours, but I don't think it worked out as well as it could have. It was all clips. I would've liked to have heard from you on the match. That's for the roster one, I realize those were supposed to be short, but I would've rather heard from you more. However, I liked your RP for your match against Bowen. I heard more from you and how you address Bowen, it works. I like the whole "on my terms" thing. I'm gonna go read some of your past ones so I can understand the character more.

Steamboat-Hilarious and a very nice one switching to music references instead of movie ones. Since, I know you outside of here as well, I think I can say that you would say this stuff in real life as well. Your stuff is odd, but comedy gold, and very random, and that's what makes it all good.

I felt that everyone that I didn't directly feedback all did superb jobs, Gus, E-Derf, Agrex, Michigan, and Rios. There were so many great RPs this week, you should all give yourselves a pat on the back.
 
Its funny how people complained that I didnt rp enough and then I rp for a match and then get no feedback from it. I just dont get it lol
 
Its funny how people complained that I didnt rp enough and then I rp for a match and then get no feedback from it. I just dont get it lol

Joseph Rios VS Roster

Wow, I loved the showup for this match. Vengence, Daniel, Milenko, GM, Ape Man (lol), Everest, and myself all deserve a bit of credit for being the ones to RP for it, and they were all good RP's. Will, being that your the biggest name on "Roster" side of this match, I was hoping to see a bit of a longer promo. It was good, no doubt about it, but it got lost with everyone elses RPs for the same match. And Rios, no disrespect whatsoever, but your RP don't seem like it could beat a rosterfull. A one on one match, yes, but against so many odds, I just don't see how it can beat it.


Thats what I though, but theres alot more in the "Voices Be Heard" thread.
 
ffs enforcer, try REVIEWING other peoples roleplays then, not just waiting on someone to go "wow your teh great3st!!11".
 
Isy you hush! I review peoples Rps in my own head, but your right. I will re-read everyones rp and then edit this post later with my feeback.


Edit:

People that RP'ed in the Roster vs Rios match. I must say I was quite happy to see you guys rp for that match. I honestly believe that every single one of you guys showed true potential as future main eventers in WZCW. Those of you that rp'ed for the match stepped up and took control of your characters by putting yourselves in the main event. Will, nicely down rp, I like the mirror thing, it was quite different and was enjoyable to read.

I am going to be doing more feedback in the coming weeks because I know it means alot to people to have some opinions on their work. So you guys will be seeing me post in this thread alot more as rps are posted
 
Just wanted to say. The show was great. I really enjoyed it, and I can't wait for Kingdom Come. I'm happy to finally get a win, and overall the show was one of my favourites. Good job guys. Your efforts have not gone unnoticed.
 
It was a really good show with a lot of chaos and I like chaos. Some great match-ups with very interesting ways of being carried out, especially the Ricky/DC match. I give each of the writers a high-five. It really built up towards Kingdom Come in certain aspects. I think it would've been cool for all King for a Day participants to come across each other outside of the Rios/Roster match-up, but what was done with it was still cool. Keep up the good work everybody.
 
Vengeance, your King for a Day RP is by far my favorite of yours. It was dark like you are and straight to the point. I think it's your best to date. I loved the ending, with the match. It was written beautifully. I believe it said, Something wicked this way comes, very soothsayerish of you. Could it point to the arrival of your master cause that would be interesting.

Stokes, your RP was written like you've been here quite a while. I loved your use of analogies with the different Australian things being like the King for a Day. Very nicely done, mate. I also enjoyed how you addressed each participant. It was very casual and had some humor to it. A very nice outing on you second RP, I believe, and a pay-per-view one at that.

I'm really excited to read the rest of the KFAD RPs as the rest of the PPV. I smell greatness coming this way and it smells, well, great. Good luck and Namaste.
 
It points to my kicking ass at Kingdom Come more than anything...as well as being the 4th reference from a well known play regarding the death of a king.

SEM, you're promo was quite haunting I must say. I liked the aspect of being willing to step on anyone who got in your way

Danmen - a solid RP, I think there will be great things to come from you in the very near future
 
OK my feedback on the KfaD match first of all.

Stokes, I liked your ideas but it was far too short. You didnt pay any significant attention to anyone in the match. Like I said the idea to push Australia as your reason for being where he is is good though. Being brutally honest, that won't get it done. But there is potential.

Vengeance, you havent written an RP that I didnt like. The fact that this seems to be building up to introducing the Master at the PPV makes me like this even more.

Apotheosis, i think you got everything right. The length was spot on, the amount of focus on each character was very good and the detail was there.

As always guys, the formatting, setting and use of words was very very good.

Will, your WHC RP, was as good as you have written in a while. This brought back some intensity that has been missing since the early days of the Gus fued. I would have liked to have seen a little more at the end, but it was very good and think that Rios will need to put out something very good to match it.

The Elite X title RP, is something that I was not too convinced by at first. The ending hooked me in though.
 
To re-inforce a point, the end of my RP is not a reference to the Master, it is a reference from Macbeth, said by the witches upon the arrival of Macbeth. I thought it appropriate, with the analogy of my character being Macbeth...a character who kills the people in his way of becoming king so he can do so himself. One of four in the RP
 
Polley: Great RP. We discussed what I thought could be better on your RP, and it seems to be kind of a trend with this set of RPs. I'll address it in another person's review. GREAT Macbeth reference...I didn't catch it being from Macbeth right away, but I knew it sounded familiar. Excellent.

S_E_M: We talked about your's. Make sure that you are RPing from the soul and that you aren't trying to fit into some rigid structure. Overall, quality. I liked to see that you are giving more focus in your version of widespread spiritual cleansing.

Danmen: You said something about how Aussie's don't say all the words I said in that promo that I wrote....and then you used a lot of them! Oh boy. Anyways...a good debut promo, using some humor. We need some witty faces.

GM: Very good RP...very much liked the card thing and the overal "MYSTIQUE" of the presentation. It may have been a touch long, and the flow could have improved some...which leads me to:

On all 4 of your RPs, I noticed good flow from the beginning to the middle....then BAM. Stop. You took whatever route you were going in and altered it to a stop to take time to describe each opponent's situation. I don't know if there is some "unwritten" rule that you have to mention all of your opponent's in an RP...but it shouldn't be that way. Sometimes it makes sense to mention them...sometimes it does not. In all of these RPs, it just hurt the flow.

Will: Great, great, great RP. I loved the line at the end and the spoiler tags throughout. That must have taken awhile.
 

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