RP Feedback Thread

[TheOneBigWill]

DAVID: Right off the bat, Johnny Kramer introduces Maxx with somewhat of a pleasant feel. Is this really how you want one of W.Z.C.W.'s top heels to be viewed? With a pleasant opening? lol

While the segment obviously installs fear within the Maxx and Nation of Islam, collectively, its just my beginning feel. I would randomly think while every announcer would try to address thier interview target with respect.. Maxx is a very "evil" character, who should more or less take on fear whenever a person (announcer) merely knows he has to take part in anything with him.

I love the intensity, but I have to also admit I find myself laughing because when I read the bigger font letters, I think in my head Maxx may have an issue CONTROLLING THE VOLUME OF HIS VOICE. Especially since he expressed some of the weirdest words as intense. (pinfall, for example)

Overall, your Rp was very good and I love the continuation of Gabriel. Its going to be very hard to keep this up, without making it become stale. I know you can do it, and I await seeing further Rps involving this matter. Just be careful you don't lose sight of whats truly the most important, and thats the actual matches you're involved in.. not the storyline within a RP.

POLLEY: In the opening part of your RP, I loved the clips and the echos bit.. however the ending echo "and then we'll go win the match" doesn't quite fit your character. While its common knowledge that everyone wants to win, since you're doing a rather dark character I doubt hes going to openly and willfully say "we'll win" since technically it should be something he already firmly believes and shouldn't have to state.

Perhaps instead of "we'll win the match" to end the final clip you could've went with something like "we will have served our purpose." (which for better or worse would mean.. you did what you setout to do, win.)

I am simply put.. in love (e- even) with the character you have created. His cult-like verbal skills amaze me, and the Master that he continuously speaks of is a great in-Rp storyline for now. Much like Maxx's Gabriel.

Polley, this would be an extremely hard character to pull off for most, but you seemingly do it with ease. You have manipulated the way of words, to make everything fall into place with what you say, and how you phrase everything. That is why your skills are beyond a lot of what I've ever seen, dispite you claiming to never have done this before. Without saying more, simply put.. you're a Natural.

I'm going to agree with Derf, for the same reason I explained to David.. you have to be very careful on how you continue to use the same overall feel toward your RPs, as it could become stale. Now for both you as well as David, I don't believe either of you could suddenly make the in-RP storylines you're using to turn stale. I'm quite in love with your character (Polley) and I'm completely enjoyed to see where both you as well as David's in-RP storylines are leading.

Both of you did a very great job on your RPs. Polley, an extra appreciation goes to you for formatting and using colors better. Even I get upset with how I use typical red and blue to describe heels and faces. But you both have a way with making the way you format look leap years above how even I do it. Well done, indeed.

EDIT: David, I have to agree with Polley.. Maxx never said the name "Gabriel" in that RP, yet Kramer asked who he was. If the idea was that neither Rajheem or Kramer seen him, then how would Kramer know to ask of him?

 

[Iscariot]

Klammor. As in play on words to clamour, noise? No? Never mind.

 

[Father:_Polley]

POLLEY: In the opening part of your RP, I loved the clips and the echos bit.. however the ending echo "and then we'll go win the match" doesn't quite fit your character. While its common knowledge that everyone wants to win, since you're doing a rather dark character I doubt hes going to openly and willfully say "we'll win" since technically it should be something he already firmly believes and shouldn't have to state.

Perhaps instead of "we'll win the match" to end the final clip you could've went with something like "we will have served our purpose." (which for better or worse would mean.. you did what you setout to do, win.)

That's the thing will, those words are not spoken by my character...they are actually taken straight from Derf's promo before the last meltdown. It's meant to set up to show that Eric Smith made promises but was unable to deliver on what he said, setting up for the opening of the promo.

Derf...I liked the idea behind the promo, the unexpectedness of an otherwise squeaky clean character showing enough intensity to be arrested. The imagery was very effective, likening where you grew up to where you are now, deepening your character's history and letting people know what shaped the way he is

I intend to follow mine up with a second RP so don't lock the thread just yet please

 

[Deexter Jorgan]

Well it was more the fact that Maxx was infront of the camera the whole time he was talking to Gabriel, but i thought i made that obvious how everything changed, its showing more Maxx's decent into madness, and the whole story issue was more to spice things up due to the fact that cutting constant promos wont help you all the time as people kind of find out if there is a formulae to what you do and find wholes in order to out rp you

But all critiscism is welcome

Also will if you checked the banter between DJ and Kramer he asks him if he can stop as Dj is making him do the interview light hatidly again i thought that i highlighted that in the RP itself

 

[Deexter Jorgan]

DJ, a solid RP that worked to develop whatever storyline is planned for your character. My one issue is with continuity...namely how did the interview know about the Gabriel character when Maxx doesn't mention his name. Minor, but a solid RP

It was more the fact that Maxx spoke to Gabriel in front of the camera, Remember Maxx isnt disappearing hes more or less going nuts, thats why i made the rp structure the way it is to highlight that aspect of his character

I will give my own personal feedback in awhile thanks for the criticism guys it helps me work better

 

[Iscariot]

His name is Klamor for crying out ... oh whatever.

 

[a0161613]

It is OK Iscy, breath!

I get it! Even if no one else does. lol

DJ I also get the appearance of Gabriel; no one saw him and Klamor only sees Maxx talking to thin air.

 

[Deexter Jorgan]

It is OK Iscy, breath!

I get it! Even if no one else does. lol

DJ I also get the appearance of Gabriel; no one saw him and Klamor only sees Maxx talking to thin air.

GM: Exactly, The structure of the rps is to show Maxx decending more and more into madness, its something that i Feel gives his character more and more layers, IMO

Iscy Sorry I didnt mean to misspell Klamor, I will make sure by next Time I use him his name will be used correctly

 

[a0161613]

Polley: WC

Wow, very good second rp, you have shown me two things.

a) you would make a very good match writer.
b) you are going to be a great Rper.

 

[Derf]

Polley, I liked your 2nd RP, but I don't think it was any good at all for the charecter your supposed to be portraying. If it was a normal charecter, it'd would have been good. But you made your charecter seem so immortal, and then put him in a sparring match, it just seemed really wierd and out of charecter for you man.

On a side note, I agree that you would make an exellent match writer. That little bit was impressivre.

 

[Father:_Polley]

Mystic character or not, he still needs to train and I decided that it would be a different setting and show my character is not simply a machine, that he is capable of displaying some human emotions like respect if he feels it is merited. that was my mindset for it. It was meant to feature someone as partner, but I got impatient with no reply and modified it to suit.
You posting a second 1?

 

[Agrex]

I got my RP up for my match against Apotheosis. Could you guys tell me what you think?

 

[Derf]

I'm not gonna post a 2nd one this time. I have a good RP in mind, but I'm gonna hold off on it for another match someplace down the road. I don't wanna use up all my good stuff now and be left with nothing. I'm hoping my one RP is good enough. Your one RP was good enough last time, so know it's possible. Speaking of which... Which the exeption of you, I havn't gotten any feedback on my RP yet...

 

[Derf]

I got my RP up for my match against Apotheosis. Could you guys tell me what you think?

Haha. I though your promo was a fairly strait forward interview, which I havn't seen to much of. Nice to see someone go normal. Which is actually kinda a bad thing. I felt that you didn't use as much emotion as you could have. And when I was re-writing my own words for ya, I felt that alot of what you were saying to my replies was just... well, bland! Next time, try to use better words, set a backdrop, let us know whats going on in the background. We need more depth than talking.

 

[Agrex]

Haha. I though your promo was a fairly strait forward interview, which I havn't seen to much of. Nice to see someone go normal. Which is actually kinda a bad thing. I felt that you didn't use as much emotion as you could have. And when I was re-writing my own words for ya, I felt that alot of what you were saying to my replies was just... well, bland! Next time, try to use better words, set a backdrop, let us know whats going on in the background. We need more depth than talking.

This RP was just to explain everything. And to get one in. I wasn't really planning on showing too much emotian. I'm saving that for my second RP which will be one with a pretty interesting backround, IMO. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get it in, but I'll definately fit Monday's deadline.

 

[Straight_Edge_Mystic]

I feel the same way about that Derf does about it. It was good in that you showed that you were excited about this opportunity, but I couldn't visualize it as that, only read it as that. It showed confidence, which is always a good thing, but I think what it was missing was passion. I look forward to the second one as you seem to be eluding that it will be more emotional. Other than that, it's definitely got my gears running on how to do a second one, which could be tonight. Keep working on it and you'll get it.

Derf, I have read yours and that was very interesting. I could tell you hated Vengeance and were willing to do anything to beat him. The whole bike thing was a little odd, but maybe I can eventually understand it. Your whole RP said to me that we actually need to look out for this guy as he's another troublemaker. I liked it a lot, especially the childhood background stuff. That was emotional and it gives your character more depth and understanding. Keep it up.

 

[Iscariot]

Ok, views and opinions from the WZCW Inquisitor himself, =I=:

Polley: - Great RP aagin, really worked well. I like the whole mystery angle that's coming across here, I think theres good things in your future. I like how you use descriptive comments to bring about the background and imagery, it's really good. Your second RP was a great finish on it, working out in the ring showed great intensity and really had me enjoying reading. Well done.

Derf: - I loved yours too! I like the angle you have going on here, and I liked the look into your past, about what makes your character himself. Really competative RP there from you and it's a toss up, I feel, on who wins the match. Well done man.

Maximumdj: - Great RP, except that you got Johnny Klamours name wrong. As I invented Klamour, I take offence. Fail ... No, I'm kdding, it was a great Rp and really had soem heated moments within it. I liked the fact even Maxx isn't sure about anything going on, and probably doesn't realise how crazy he's being portrayed.

Michigan: - Awesome promo as per usual, I liked the whol corner shop store look you gave it, and liked the little contridictions you placed inside. I really enjoyed reading it and could keep going on about that, but then you're always great I feel.

Big Will: - Great promo, I think you've done better but then I consider you one of the premium RPers here so then the bar for you is very, very high. I liked the descriptions again, and I like the consistantly arrogant character you portray week in week out. Great RP.

Gus: - I liked it. I think the speed in which Gus seemingly took Hedi back is a bit awkward, especially Gus being cool with her being this close to Will again in the tag match, but on the whole it was well put together and came across good. Shame you have no RP's from your opponents, which makes the match a rather one-sided affair.

Nevermind: - Nice short promo, very in fitting with the raven'esque character you seem to have going on. I'm enjoying your work, and think you can only get better. Keep it up.

Phatso: - Nice for the most part, but for me there's something so overdone in general with the whole barbed wire insert-object-here. You might as well just set it on fire and be done with it. I find it a bit like "oh here we go again" when people start wiping out the weapons, how they're the only true friend, and how the weapon will save them. i swear one day I'm gunna have Manzo bring a butchers knife, see how people like that when he cuts em up.

Straught_Edge_Mystic: - Awesome. One of the best RP's of the show. Dear lord, brilliant. I'm canny speechless to be honest trying to find a way to say how great I thought it was. Well done X10.

Agrex: - Sub-par. Sorry. I know you're new, and I'm assuming by the quality of your work this is your first RP experience, but you come across very raw. I lked the concept of a good old fasioned interview, your character just seemed very plain throughout the whole thing. I have trouble envisioning anyone in the place of your character, and still sounding so plain. I think you need some kind of hook. Hopefully a few more shows and we'll get the best out of you.


Well, that's my views, gimme yours. I've posted my RP, tell me what you think. Is Ricky's the superior product? Does Manzo continue his winning ways? Lemme know, so I can be better

=I=

 

[michigan]

Iscariot

Once again thanks for the good words, I really appreciate it, with the holiday comin up and some time off coming with it I plan on sitting down and catching up. I'll hopefully get some feedback up soon.

Take care everyone and be safe for the holiday
Everest

 

[Agrex]

I would just like to apologize as I said that I would get a second RP in before Monday, but that obviously did not happen. I thought I would have computer access on Monday that would last me long enough to get the RP in, unfortunately I couldn't. And maybe, I'll keep it, just change a few things around, and I'll be able to use it for my next match.

 

[Straight_Edge_Mystic]

I certainly appreciate the compliments Iscariot. I know I'm fresh here, so this may not be taken too seriously, but know that I only say this in seriousness. Steamboat, I know you and you are my friend and you can deliver some hilarious promos, and I understand you are a pirate, but I am wondering where is the insanity at in your promos. If I remember correctly, your guy is based off of Foley. I just thought that a Foley inspired promo would fit your guy since you are the hardcore legend. I say this because I was watching some old Foley promos from early Mankind and ECW days and I pictured Steamboat giving promos like that. It's just an idea. I personally think it would be cool.

 

[Iscariot]

I'm convinced no-one has actually read my RP's, ever. Can't remember the last time anyone commented on them. I even made a point to comment on everyones, so I get something back. This was a big RP for me in fully and totally introducing the new Character Magnus Maximillian. What do people think? I'm genuinely interested in your thoughts.

=I=

 

[Father:_Polley]

I like the prospect of Magnus. I think he has a twisted, determined demeanour about him, sort of like a more determined Ted DiBiase and I look forward to learning more about him. It was a good RP Iscariot, I liked the insight and the descriptions that went along with putting the guy forward as a threat

 

[Straight_Edge_Mystic]

I definitely agree with Polley about Magnus. I also picture him as a sort of Armando character when it come to handling Manzo. I am interested in seeing what happens in the progression of the character. What is his true motivation besides more gold? How did he come to be associated with Manzo? I also realize the threat that he possesses, after all, money is power. Magnus, to brush off Dynasty, either he's really stupid, brave, or he knows exactly what he's doing. I think he knows what he's doing. Magnus is a character that I think will be hated quickly, in a good way of course.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Polley: Short and sweet. Polley, I'll be completely honest.. I had NO intention of Rping for this match, as I really didn't have to. But after reading your RP, it inspired me to want to write something. Thats what I love being capable of doing. Reading something so much, it inspires me to want more, to want to do something regarding it.

I was very curious how some individuals, including yourself, would play off an Rp in which you really don't have a storyline or back-drop for.. but once again I was amazed. You did a great job of having your characters on story and background play into the match. I loved how Vengeance was so enraged with having to take part in this, when it wasn't The Master's wish. Its showing so much angst that he has to go against what hes only known to do.. almost as if hes so angry to have to listen to any one other individual, that isn't The Master. Definately a great Rp.

Danmen: Am I ever glad I took a chance on you. Dan, I hope I can call you Dan. lol Your Rp was excellent for a starter. When I read your application, I was a bit unknown on if you'd be able to pick it up completely. None the less, I must say I owe you a great deal of apology because you knocked one out of the ball park.

Not only did you debut yourself nicely, but you did so at the expense of both Big Will as well as Joseph Rios. Whenever someone can do that, its definately something to be amazed at.

After reading your Rp, as long as you can keep those up.. I think you'll do great. I have to admit, when I read it I got sucked completely into your character, and even the words. I kept hearing Steve Irwin, I don't know if thats what you intended or not.. but it sold your character to me. (again, I don't know how you wanted your character to come off sounding.. but you seem like a face, who's got strong Aussie blood in him, and definately favorable of his home)

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Derf: Thats the first flag I send up, when I read the whole thing and just sat wondering how on earth it had anything to do with the match.

Its a nice starter to diving into the character of Eric Smith, and you're gonna get a TON of extra points from me because you used the Wonder Years' theme and that show was awesome. lol But in the end, I'm still left with a "what the fuck" type of reaction, cause without the other parts.. I just don't understand it.. except for to see Eric's life not changing from being beaten from his Parents, to being beaten in the ring.

Seriously though Derf, your formatting and your story are great. It just needs to be continued, definately, because without the other parts its just unknown and unfinished. I also greatly hope it connects to the match. PLEASE connect it to the match. lol