RP Feedback Thread

[Iscariot]

I actually liked the idea behind it myself, and think the whole hand-held camera thing could work really well. Your formatting made it very hard to read and Will is right when he said it feels just thrown together and you need to touch base with your opponents more, but I feel with the right layout and more of a direction and structure to your Role-Play, the whole "excited rookie with a camera" thing could be a nice touch. It WILL need work, but the concept is different enough that I found myself liking bits and peices.

=I=

 

[TheOneBigWill]

I actually liked the idea behind it myself, and think the whole hand-held camera thing could work really well. Your formatting made it very hard to read and Will is right when he said it feels just thrown together and you need to touch base with your opponents more, but I feel with the right layout and more of a direction and structure to your Role-Play, the whole "excited rookie with a camera" thing could be a nice touch. It WILL need work, but the concept is different enough that I found myself liking bits and peices.

=I=

I think Isy is touching base on where you could end up leading your character. He could become a form of the Motor City Machineguns. Alex Shelly, or Chris Saban. The camera could be your 'niche'. I think, honestly, thats a really good idea and if the team of you and Agrex come to terms.. we could be looking at a very popular up-and-coming Tag Team.

(speaking of which, does Agrex KNOW hes got a match? Derf, since hes your partner you may want to speak with him. Typically we don't inform people, as its their/your job to know when you have a match.. but this idea of you and Agrex as a solid Tag Team could work so well that you should get in contact with him immediately to work something out. And to let him know he needs to RP.)

 

[Derf]

I think Isy is touching base on where you could end up leading your character. He could become a form of the Motor City Machineguns. Alex Shelly, or Chris Saban. The camera could be your 'niche'. I think, honestly, thats a really good idea and if the team of you and Agrex come to terms.. we could be looking at a very popular up-and-coming Tag Team.

(speaking of which, does Agrex KNOW hes got a match? Derf, since hes your partner you may want to speak with him. Typically we don't inform people, as its their/your job to know when you have a match.. but this idea of you and Agrex as a solid Tag Team could work so well that you should get in contact with him immediately to work something out. And to let him know he needs to RP.)

I told him yesterday via PM, so he knows.

And for those of you that though my RP was just tossed together, it was. When you claimed I looked like an exited rookie, thats because, well, I am. And I pretty much cut a video promo that I think a rookie would cut. Exited, always getting off topic before realizing he's so exited. And I also mentioned to Agrex about the Tag team thing, but he has yet to reply. We will continue with this, and hopefully I can get better with all of your advice.

PS: The whole Camera angle wasn't ment to be anything long term, in my charecters mind, he's just video taping his first visit to the WZCW locker room. However, I may keep the camera regardless.

Oh, and props to PWC. Awesome RP. I mean, it looks like alot of the ones I've read here, with the "death" and the "Hardcore", and the it's dark in here", it just seems to remind me of half the other RPs out there. But thats why I'm a rookie. Just my opinion. My opinion though that while my RP was different, it was exiting in being idfferent. Oh well, all feedback is really only onto the road of good RPs.

 

[Father:_Polley]

I thought it was a decent enough RP Derf. It summed up you character's gimmick perfectly so I thought it went well

To be honest, my promo came from my role as a cult leader...nah, it was just something I threw together randomly for fun to be fair. I've PMed my partner to try to get him back to do his RP.

 

[Iscariot]

I told him yesterday via PM, so he knows.

And for those of you that though my RP was just tossed together, it was. When you claimed I looked like an excited rookie, thats because, well, I am. And I pretty much cut a video promo that I think a rookie would cut. Exited, always getting off topic before realizing he's so exited. And I also mentioned to Agrex about the Tag team thing, but he has yet to reply. We will continue with this, and hopefully I can get better with all of your advice.

PS: The whole Camera angle wasn't ment to be anything long term, in my charecters mind, he's just video taping his first visit to the WZCW locker room. However, I may keep the camera regardless.

Oh, and props to PWC. Awesome RP. I mean, it looks like alot of the ones I've read here, with the "death" and the "Hardcore", and the it's dark in here", it just seems to remind me of half the other RPs out there. But thats why I'm a rookie. Just my opinion. My opinion though that while my RP was different, it was exciting in being dfferent. Oh well, all feedback is really only onto the road of good RPs.

I agree with you Derf, and hope you didn't interperate my comments as actually negative towards the work itself - I have an A* in English Literature and Language, so I'm very big on people working with correct sentance structure and ensuring the spelling and layout of their Role-Play is up to par, and it was this that I was pointing out when I said it looked thrown together and formatted correctly. I actually really like the fact that you have a happy-go-lucky character that seems just thrilled to be in the WZCW, it is, as you said, a refreshing change from "I am teh darkness rawlz!", so I quite like the angle you may (or may not) be going with.

My comments on the camera was exactly what Will picked up on, it is such a good unique outlook and will give a nice edge to your Role-Plays if you decided to keep it. A video journal for a web-blog or whatever, I think the whole camera thing, especially in a joy-filled enviroment your character will hopefully keep portraying, could be a really unique selling point for your character. If you can structure your Role-Plays out, I'll be interested in where you go.

=I=

 

[a0161613]

Derf,

I liked your over-excitedness. It definitely seems like you are excited to be here, which is great.

It also came across noobish but i think you will catch on quick enough and get better with that. There is no reason why you should not.

Maybe take advantage of the time that you have because the fact that it is a Meltdown and not a PPV means (i think) no limit to the amount of RPs that you can submit.

Hope you and PWC will not be let down by your partners.

 

[Iscariot]

a0161613 is right, you can get in as many Role-Plays as you want for MELTDOWN!, and only one for the PPV. So feel free to do more if you want Derf.

 

[a0161613]

I have posted mine. I like it. It looks a lot shorter on screen than it did when I imagined it. I would love your feedback on it guys. I am just going to work on writing the match now.

 

[a0161613]

Murfish, I really enjoyed yours...the gimmick infringement section at the start was very funny!

That is a really good RP to start yourself going here!

DJ,

I am glad you appear to be going somewhere different no that Maxx is champ. It was needed but you have managed to carry the emotion etc through and that will be important!

I really liked it and hope to continue seeing the story.

 

[Father:_Polley]

I quite enjoyed both the RPs. thought they were interesting, succinct and got the necessary information over. good job

 

[Agrex]

Okay, I just got my RP in. Can you guys read it, and tell me what you think about it. It's my first one so it's probably not that good, but please constructive critism would be great.

I'm sorry that I couldn't check in on WZCW to see if I have a match, I was just overloaded with school work, and I didn't have when to go on WZ, and actually look around every section, other than going on for 15 minutes.

BTW, Polley, and Derf, both your RP's look amazing. Good job, guys!

 

[Derf]

Agrex, In my opinion, it was a pretty cool RP, with both of us just playing regular people, without the over the top gimmicks. We're both like Pre June 26th Chris Benoit. I liked it, but I did see quite a few grammer errors, and I'm not Mr perfect either (actually, you are haha)

Murf!sh, I just wanted to say that was the funniest RP I ever saw, and while I laugh at you for it, I spite you for possibly ruining my next RP, as it was walking down a simaler line as yours.

 

[Deexter Jorgan]

Alex: Thank you for your kind comments, also i loved your rp, has the same GM edge, with a great deal more detail.

Murfish: You have come soo far, i cant believe how great you are becoming, you are growing as an rper fast and i cant believe it, you may even get your first important win here good job

 

[Deexter Jorgan]

Derf: Solid RP, proved your point and showed a bit of character depth, the formatting needs to be played around with a little more, give a bit more description in regards to actions but still pretty solid good job especially for a first rp

Agrex: Short but sweet good rp

Polly: Solid very solid, i liked the story of your character, I want to see more its got me intrigued very much so, I would say work on your formatting colour, actions etc, but still very solid good job

 

[Straight_Edge_Mystic]

I got mine in earlier today. What should I do to make it better, character wise and language wise? Is there a particular format I should use? And just what are your overall opinions on it? I did like Polley's, Derf's, and Agrex's. Theirs really helped me figure out what I wanted to say and how I should say it. So kudos to you three. And Murf!sh's was hilarious and genuinely odd. Storyline wise, Maxx's freaked me out. It was rather intense and now I am scared for what lays ahead for both Maxx and Ricky.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Murf!sh: I'm not trying to be negative, and I fully apologize for any forth-coming offense I may cause. The first thing I wanna address is I'm pretty sure W.Z.C.W.'s version of Bobby Heanan wouldn't talk the way you had him talk.

Second, your character is almost all over the place and I had a hard time focusing on what to see you as. Somehow I came up with a version of Spike Dudley from E.C.W., in Batista's body, with a Festus gimmick of being a part time druggie/part time loose cannon.

I liked the split personality gimmick, we can roll with that.. but you might want to tighten everything up and redefine exactly who you are.

Agrex: You and Derf couldn't of been more perfect for each other. Your RPs are mirror like. Not exactly in the best of ways, as they both have a lot of rushed/thrown in stuff. But both of your characters have the excitment of a rookie who's debuting.

If you'd like to write another RP, please do so. The advice I'll give is take out the cheap pops that end almost every paragraph. If the fans don't know you, they aren't popping anything. Second, define your character through another RP.. focus on exactly who you are more, focus on what sets you apart from the rest and why you're going to win.

Apotheosis/S.E.M.: Much like Agrex was to Derf, you are to Polley. Both of your characters have a dark, cult like feel to them. If you're both interested (Derf/Agrex too) I think we have the development of two new Tag Teams on our hands.

S.E.M., unlike Polley's, I couldn't completely invision your RP. Maybe spacing it out a bit next time would help with that, or adding more interaction outside of all talk. Overall, it was a great debut RP for W.Z.C.W.. just maybe try spacing more.

Maxx/David: Maxx is taking on a duel personality all his own, and I'm loving every minute of your RPs lately. The mystic/mind games and the prophet reminds me of a Dungeon of Doom sorta gimmick, but more hardcore, more violent and a lot better.

I don't know what more to say about your RP, except for keep up much of the same. I'm very interested to see where these visions and dreams go. You're creating yourself a storyline all your own.

 

[Father:_Polley]

I might add in another short RP before the deadline, but it's undecided as my finals end tomorrow. As for tagging, I'd be willing to tag provided it wasn't a full time thing, as I see my character more as a loner, focused on individuals.

 

[a0161613]

Will, i feel left out...lol

Apotheosis and Agrex, for first RP there were not bad at all. I like both you stylings and while you have room for improvement, you have a decent base here.

Like Will said, tag teaming could benefit all four of you. If that was the case, then you would do well to see some of DJ's RP with Rajeem and DJ, as well as the brilliant DevilSpawns. Oh and the WVC....how could i forget our champions!

 

[Iscariot]

Will, i feel left out...lol
Oh and the WVC....how could i forget our champions!

The who? Sorry, can't seem to recall them atm. I know we have a couple of guys in a match who HAVE YET TO ROLEPLAY, you mean those soon-to-be-jobbers?

=I=

 

[michigan]

Hey mine is done, just need to post it tonight. Sorry for the delay

 

[Iscariot]

Michigan, I always, always, have every faith in you. I was referring to our tag team champions lol. The day you miss a deadline without a perfectly valid excuse is the day Manzo goes on the Atkins diet.

 

[Straight_Edge_Mystic]

Thanks for the feedback, I will definitely keep that in mind next time I have to do an RP. Yeah, I would be willing to tag team with Polley, maybe not as a permanent team, but maybe sort of as allies that help each other out when needed.

 

[Father:_Polley]

I think a sort of casual alliance would work well due to the similarities between the two characters. We'll see how things pan out though. Overall, I'm quite looking forward to seeing how the debut match goes for all four involved

 

[a0161613]

PWC & SEM, an alliance would certainly be a good way to describe any relationship that you two could have.

Michigan,

I really enjoyed your RP. There was so much emotion there without going too OTT. It was really well structured and worded. It is the perfect example of why you are consistently one of the best RPers around here.

 

[michigan]

a0161613 -- Thanks very much, it was a fun one to write, a little homecoming of sorts. It's harder and harder to find backdrops for RP's sometimes.

Iscariot -- thanks for the confidence, we wouldn't want Manzo missing any meals now!