Deexter Jorgan
Has a Dark Passenger on board...
what did you think of my rp izzy?
RP Feedback Thread
- Thread starter sincade20
- Start date
Bentallica
Work in progress
TheBigBen - Brilliant as always, but I've come to expect that from the man who speared Ricky down to the floor in awesome fashion. You're becoming quote the RP'er and I like the fact that you've started to evolve beyond the original character into a more hardcore extreme wrestler, to me it's like watching Justin Credible from when he was just about the wrestling to evolving into a really great brawler and hardcore fighter. It's cool to see man, keep on growing
Riot
I wouldn't have had the chance to evolve my character if it wasn't for my feud with Ricky, so I owe my success to him. In my RP, I tried to let people know that even though he's becoming quite the hardcore wrestler, he's still a very technical wrestler, which is what I hope will be showcased on Meltdown.
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
Okay, my rundown of everyone's Rps so far.
Alex: I definately don't mean to be harsh, but your RP was too long for me to sit through and keep an open mind on seeing everything clearly. You laid it out perfectly, you detailed everything nicely, but I'm having such a hard time "seeing" your character. I seen some things, but a lot of it like the stuff about mars being aligned and stuff like that.. you just lost me.
I honestly think (personally, everyone else could love them long) but "I" think you should shorten them, if you're gonna go completely far off like that.. especially because some people may have a hard time keeping up with everything. Outside of that, it was good, and I loved your formatting.
Ben Legend: I honestly think your RP was very average. Normal, almost. I don't mean that badly either, it was very good and very detailed.. it was just nothing more than another normal interview to me though. I don't know if this time around will be harder for people because they don't know who they'll be facing, or not.
I do know you'll be a big star, however, because you have skill. This RP wasn't, to me, one of your best though.
Gus: I honestly think this was one of the best RPs you've done yet. I was getting kinda scared that you weren't improving, but instead dropping off. Especially after the ppv RP.. but I honestly admit, this RP was great.
Finally.. and I saved this intentionally..
Maxx: BEST.. RP.. YET! The intensity, the passion, the rage.. I felt all of it. Maybe it was the text getting bigger and bigger, maybe it was the fact I could really feel the rage, I don't know.. but what I do know, is you captured something great in that RP.. and I hope you don't lose it.
I knew you had talent, and I'm glad you finally kicked out a dominate RP. Not that your others haven't been, but this one alone is almost promised to be solid regarding whomever you're up against. Great job, David!
Alex: I definately don't mean to be harsh, but your RP was too long for me to sit through and keep an open mind on seeing everything clearly. You laid it out perfectly, you detailed everything nicely, but I'm having such a hard time "seeing" your character. I seen some things, but a lot of it like the stuff about mars being aligned and stuff like that.. you just lost me.
I honestly think (personally, everyone else could love them long) but "I" think you should shorten them, if you're gonna go completely far off like that.. especially because some people may have a hard time keeping up with everything. Outside of that, it was good, and I loved your formatting.
Ben Legend: I honestly think your RP was very average. Normal, almost. I don't mean that badly either, it was very good and very detailed.. it was just nothing more than another normal interview to me though. I don't know if this time around will be harder for people because they don't know who they'll be facing, or not.
I do know you'll be a big star, however, because you have skill. This RP wasn't, to me, one of your best though.
Gus: I honestly think this was one of the best RPs you've done yet. I was getting kinda scared that you weren't improving, but instead dropping off. Especially after the ppv RP.. but I honestly admit, this RP was great.
Finally.. and I saved this intentionally..
Maxx: BEST.. RP.. YET! The intensity, the passion, the rage.. I felt all of it. Maybe it was the text getting bigger and bigger, maybe it was the fact I could really feel the rage, I don't know.. but what I do know, is you captured something great in that RP.. and I hope you don't lose it.
I knew you had talent, and I'm glad you finally kicked out a dominate RP. Not that your others haven't been, but this one alone is almost promised to be solid regarding whomever you're up against. Great job, David!
Will, i am not going to take that personally. I agree with you!!
Up until one point, it was going to be two RP's one after another most likely. But as i was deciding how i was going to format it (with the colours - like red etc ) i just didnt separate it.
Consider it lesson learned. Im going to read what is already there and consider making another one.
Just read the RP's so far (up to DC) and the standard is very good. While i was happy with mine, i thought Maxx's is the benchmark at the moment. A really clever use of font size. And DC's is right up there as expected.
Ben, yours is good but i got a very real impression that you could get another one out (especially in reply to maxx's) if you wanted to.
Gus, that was a real step up from you too. No that i didnt like your all or nothing one though.
As always, reading the RP board gets me looking forward to the show being posted like nothing else!
Up until one point, it was going to be two RP's one after another most likely. But as i was deciding how i was going to format it (with the colours - like red etc ) i just didnt separate it.
Consider it lesson learned. Im going to read what is already there and consider making another one.
Just read the RP's so far (up to DC) and the standard is very good. While i was happy with mine, i thought Maxx's is the benchmark at the moment. A really clever use of font size. And DC's is right up there as expected.
Ben, yours is good but i got a very real impression that you could get another one out (especially in reply to maxx's) if you wanted to.
Gus, that was a real step up from you too. No that i didnt like your all or nothing one though.
As always, reading the RP board gets me looking forward to the show being posted like nothing else!
Deexter Jorgan
Has a Dark Passenger on board...
Thank you will it means alot to me, your last comments regarding the all or nothing ppv really llit a fire under me, i was angry and felt let down by my character, i channeled that and really went to town using your critic as a starting point and i really am proud of this rp, but for now i will keep on working and pushing to get maxx where he should be at the top of the heap
Alex Bowen....
I liked it. Really liked it.
But.
The layout, the spelling and the grammar sucks. The good news that if you sort out these presentational issues quickly, and your forthcoming RP's are up to that standard (and laid out better) then you will be OK.
I am sorry if that sounded a bit harsh and i didnt mean it like that. We just want to see everyone do well.
If you got the patience for it, try reading through some of the older RP boards and the old shows. And the threads in this section should also be a lot of help. Comments by people like Will (in particular), Iscariot, DJ really helped me too. You just need to put the time into it.
Hope it helps
I liked it. Really liked it.
But.
The layout, the spelling and the grammar sucks. The good news that if you sort out these presentational issues quickly, and your forthcoming RP's are up to that standard (and laid out better) then you will be OK.
I am sorry if that sounded a bit harsh and i didnt mean it like that. We just want to see everyone do well.
If you got the patience for it, try reading through some of the older RP boards and the old shows. And the threads in this section should also be a lot of help. Comments by people like Will (in particular), Iscariot, DJ really helped me too. You just need to put the time into it.
Hope it helps
Uncle Phatso
Mid-Card Championship Winner
thanks man i no im horrible at grammer lol im gonna be a flippin junior next year and ill be in a english 9 class lol spelling blame on frickin firefox lol damn spell o check you've failed me again and ill be a son of a bitch i forgot to put color and bold in there again thanks for saying layout ill be back i gotta edit that shit lol
Deexter Jorgan
Has a Dark Passenger on board...
well the best way to deal with the spelling and grammar issues is by using word, i always use that to formateall of my rps, also if anyone wants to take a look ive got an rp up for the allied powers, let me know what you all think feedback is appreciated
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
David: Once again, your RP is phenomenal (sp?) it truly grabs your attention and makes you take notice of how angry your group is.
I think if you keep this up, you could be a Champion in no time. Although, you have to make sure to switch it up too every now and then, because too many all out anger burst RPs and they'll get old. All in all, it was another great one though.
Leore: I'll be completely honest, your RP was way f'n long. I think people believe the longer their RPs are, the better they are.. and my total attention span isn't wanting to blow 20 minutes sitting and reading through all that.
I will try my hardest to find the time to completely pay attention to it.. and I'm sure its good, assuming anyways. However, I'm being honest in saying I simply don't have the urge to want to sit and read through all of that.
I think if you keep this up, you could be a Champion in no time. Although, you have to make sure to switch it up too every now and then, because too many all out anger burst RPs and they'll get old. All in all, it was another great one though.
Leore: I'll be completely honest, your RP was way f'n long. I think people believe the longer their RPs are, the better they are.. and my total attention span isn't wanting to blow 20 minutes sitting and reading through all that.
I will try my hardest to find the time to completely pay attention to it.. and I'm sure its good, assuming anyways. However, I'm being honest in saying I simply don't have the urge to want to sit and read through all of that.
Deexter Jorgan
Has a Dark Passenger on board...
Ok here is my feedbackon the rps for the roulette
Alex: Amazing work, i really liked the emphasis of realism that you gave the rp itself, but there are times that i felt it got weeker due to the length of it, but you are coming along quicker then most, if you keep this up we may have another one big will on our hands!
Ben: Solid as always, i cant say more then that your character is developing more so it really is leading to something interesting
GUS: I love the whole feud between you and will i really feel that you get better with time, and with this feud you been able to go leaps and pounds i really am glad to see you evolve the way you are.
DC: I love the whole screw you campaign you got going on there, and nice use of storyline too, you made sure that you looked back at the ppv and referenced it which alot of people forget to do, great job you are showing why you deserve to be a main eventer
Will: Amazing rp, i did love the fact that you managed to kill everyone on the roster in a couple of sentences, i laughed my ass off with every word, i really see you headlining against rios soon coz these rps keep getting more and mroe compelling
Reaper: The RP was solid, but ive seen better from you, i dont know if its because you havent got anything on the line but usually when i see your rps there is always something that makes you step up your game, this one didnt have that
Joe: You are getting better, this rp shows that, but i still felt that it was abit too short to enable you to really build off of all or nothing and the current event that is the roulette
Alex Bowen, well i liked what you where going for bro, but i feel that you need practice, it was an ok rp but it wasnt the type what would make me say yeah ill read that again
Lee: As will stated earlier it was abit long but i didnt care i really liked this rp, it was Hilarious in terms of a hasheem rp, even though some accidents occured i really like it
Alex: Amazing work, i really liked the emphasis of realism that you gave the rp itself, but there are times that i felt it got weeker due to the length of it, but you are coming along quicker then most, if you keep this up we may have another one big will on our hands!
Ben: Solid as always, i cant say more then that your character is developing more so it really is leading to something interesting
GUS: I love the whole feud between you and will i really feel that you get better with time, and with this feud you been able to go leaps and pounds i really am glad to see you evolve the way you are.
DC: I love the whole screw you campaign you got going on there, and nice use of storyline too, you made sure that you looked back at the ppv and referenced it which alot of people forget to do, great job you are showing why you deserve to be a main eventer
Will: Amazing rp, i did love the fact that you managed to kill everyone on the roster in a couple of sentences, i laughed my ass off with every word, i really see you headlining against rios soon coz these rps keep getting more and mroe compelling
Reaper: The RP was solid, but ive seen better from you, i dont know if its because you havent got anything on the line but usually when i see your rps there is always something that makes you step up your game, this one didnt have that
Joe: You are getting better, this rp shows that, but i still felt that it was abit too short to enable you to really build off of all or nothing and the current event that is the roulette
Alex Bowen, well i liked what you where going for bro, but i feel that you need practice, it was an ok rp but it wasnt the type what would make me say yeah ill read that again
Lee: As will stated earlier it was abit long but i didnt care i really liked this rp, it was Hilarious in terms of a hasheem rp, even though some accidents occured i really like it
Uncle Phatso
Mid-Card Championship Winner
awww i read davids and i thought he was talkin bout me first lmfao but its cool any one no what he got banned for ?
Coco
i really liked the RP, yes it was incredibly long but it was pretty cool how you got everyone involved, even the Great One!
Alex
I am not sure what happened with DJ, it happened at some point in the last 5 or 6 hours because he posted quite recently.
But nobodys mentioned it.
i really liked the RP, yes it was incredibly long but it was pretty cool how you got everyone involved, even the Great One!
Alex
I am not sure what happened with DJ, it happened at some point in the last 5 or 6 hours because he posted quite recently.
But nobodys mentioned it.
Uncle Phatso
Mid-Card Championship Winner
he dosent really post to much anyware other that the e fed lol how do u get banned in the e fed other than for flaming and spam 2 word submissions?
Hyorinmaru
Sit Upon The Frozen Heavens
My first RP is up. Tell me what you think. Any feedback is appreciated.
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
Milenko: Okay, without it sounding harsh.. I feel that you have a lot of work to do. Your entire RP was basically you writing yourself in a squash match of sorts with a biker.
It didn't have hardly any promo, outside of Milenko stating he had no conscious, and that he was coming. I feel you could've added a lot more to it. I understand with the storyline we've talked about entering you with, that giving out to much information too quickly would ruin it..
However, at the same time I think you can afford to put forth a little more information about your characters personal habits. His opinions, his mannerisms. When I think of your character, and what direction it'll be headed in.. I honestly think of the "poeticness" of that of Raven. Does that make sense with you? Do you understand what I'm saying? If so, I encourage you to try to make more riddles within your RP, and try to create an true sense of surrounding within your RPs of that of someone who is mysterious.. and unknown.
Instead of that of someone who is merely a thug. Which is what the RP told me, in you scaring a little kid, and beating up a drunk.
Uncle Phatso
Mid-Card Championship Winner
i read a wile back on coo coo's rp that it was to long sorry to whoever wrote that but i loved it i love to read its prolly just me tho. and to the outsider i liked your rp i have no real business to tell you what to do but really what will said put it into more depth. i liked it but tell about him i no he's misterous but other than being here in wzcw who are you comming for and what are your goals? whats your like past tell us a little bit more everyone else i enjoyed your submissions two but coo coo's was my favorite for right now gotta wait for a few more to come out tho
Bentallica
Work in progress
Hey, I posted a second RP. I think it's a bit better than my first, so if you guys can check it out and leave feedback, that would be cool.
M
Melon Farmer
Guest
THANK you so much to DJ and Alex and to everyone else, I love that you loved my RP, makes me feel good.
Will,
You are right...it is a bit too long. But to be honest, I was a little upset about a personal problem I am dealing with in my personal life, and Mic (Maxx) and DJ (who has been banned for just a week, I wanted people to know) motivated me to stop all my work, and just simply turn that anger, and sadness into an RP. And I did just that. I started at 10:30. Stopped at 11 to take a shower. At 11:20 I resumed and I posted the RP whenever I did. It took me like 45 minutes, tops. It was so easy for me to do, it's like something just came to me and I just wrote nonestop without stopping, I was in it. I was in the zone!!
If it is too long, then maybe you can cut it up into parts and read each part by part. If you can't then you don't have to, but I think you will and I would love it if you did. I respect you and your opinions so much, I also respect everyone else's...but we have spoke way before you joined the fed...and you were an excellent friend, and I appreciate it. I haven't read all the RP's because I was busy, so it is taking me a while...so I don't care if it takes you a while too.
Thanks to everyone, and the more reviews I get, the better my reviews will be.
Will,
You are right...it is a bit too long. But to be honest, I was a little upset about a personal problem I am dealing with in my personal life, and Mic (Maxx) and DJ (who has been banned for just a week, I wanted people to know) motivated me to stop all my work, and just simply turn that anger, and sadness into an RP. And I did just that. I started at 10:30. Stopped at 11 to take a shower. At 11:20 I resumed and I posted the RP whenever I did. It took me like 45 minutes, tops. It was so easy for me to do, it's like something just came to me and I just wrote nonestop without stopping, I was in it. I was in the zone!!
If it is too long, then maybe you can cut it up into parts and read each part by part. If you can't then you don't have to, but I think you will and I would love it if you did. I respect you and your opinions so much, I also respect everyone else's...but we have spoke way before you joined the fed...and you were an excellent friend, and I appreciate it. I haven't read all the RP's because I was busy, so it is taking me a while...so I don't care if it takes you a while too.
Thanks to everyone, and the more reviews I get, the better my reviews will be.
Uncle Phatso
Mid-Card Championship Winner
shoot dude you gotta think of it as a promo some promos are long and some are short what would you rather whatch a 20 second promo of the good shit going to fast or a 3 min promo all played out and slower ? i loved it one ! because it had ... me! in it and 2 i love to read and 3 dwayne in it was frickin hallarious
M
MR.SCOTT
Guest
yeah lee alex b is right, your promo had all the tools to take you to the next level you freaking main evented that board and in my opinion you are head and shoulders above everyone here for the roulette so i hope you main event!
Bentallica
Work in progress
Coco, I did enjoy your RP. To me, length isn't really a problem as long as the RP is good. Plus the way you insulted my character. It helped me think of a way to badmouth Hasheem, and made my new RP better. Looking foward to hopefully facing you one on one someday.
Ricky, I remember you used this line on me once, but your RP was short but definately sweet. I'm still enjoying our arc, and hopefully will face off in some form on Meltdown.
Ricky, I remember you used this line on me once, but your RP was short but definately sweet. I'm still enjoying our arc, and hopefully will face off in some form on Meltdown.
M
Melon Farmer
Guest
Thank you Mr. Scott and Ben. I appreciate what you both had to say.
Mr. Scott...I don't think I am heads and shoulders above the rest, because I think everyone is amazing, just they need to let out their full potential. Some are still new, so they hadn't had a chance, and I feel I am slowly letting out my full potential. I am trying, it's hard. Will, Sincade, Iscariot, DC, Enforcer all seem to be just about there with letting out their full potential, and one I day I wanna be just as good as they are!!
Ben...my main point of my RP wasn't to have Dwayne Johnson come out or to make it super long because I want to show people that I can write, which is what Will said but he was wrong, (always thinking bad of me) The main point of my RP is that I wanted every single person here to HATE my character even more!! I want harted and I'm going to get it!!!
Thanks again
Mr. Scott...I don't think I am heads and shoulders above the rest, because I think everyone is amazing, just they need to let out their full potential. Some are still new, so they hadn't had a chance, and I feel I am slowly letting out my full potential. I am trying, it's hard. Will, Sincade, Iscariot, DC, Enforcer all seem to be just about there with letting out their full potential, and one I day I wanna be just as good as they are!!
Ben...my main point of my RP wasn't to have Dwayne Johnson come out or to make it super long because I want to show people that I can write, which is what Will said but he was wrong, (always thinking bad of me) The main point of my RP is that I wanted every single person here to HATE my character even more!! I want harted and I'm going to get it!!!
Thanks again
Bentallica
Work in progress
Thank you Mr. Scott and Ben. I appreciate what you both had to say.
Mr. Scott...I don't think I am heads and shoulders above the rest, because I think everyone is amazing, just they need to let out their full potential. Some are still new, so they hadn't had a chance, and I feel I am slowly letting out my full potential. I am trying, it's hard. Will, Sincade, Iscariot, DC, Enforcer all seem to be just about there with letting out their full potential, and one I day I wanna be just as good as they are!!
Ben...my main point of my RP wasn't to have Dwayne Johnson come out or to make it super long because I want to show people that I can write, which is what Will said but he was wrong, (always thinking bad of me) The main point of my RP is that I wanted every single person here to HATE my character even more!! I want harted and I'm going to get it!!!
Thanks again
That I get, which is why I liked your RP. You had a bad thing to say about everybody and delivered those thoughts in a very sinister way. A great RP and it should not be overlooked by length.
M
Melon Farmer
Guest
Correct. I also wanted to say bad things about the heels, but I didn't feel it, so I acted like the R- I mean Dwayne Johnson, lmao, and it just rolled so easily!
Jus read Ricky's....wow....just wow.
Completely out of character (again!) showing that he is more than a confused, time-travelling, Will Smith-attacking pirate thug!
But i think that it does something unique among the RPs submitted so far, it makes you look forward to the next one.
Completely out of character (again!) showing that he is more than a confused, time-travelling, Will Smith-attacking pirate thug!
But i think that it does something unique among the RPs submitted so far, it makes you look forward to the next one.
