RP Feedback Thread

[GI Cake]

Barbosa:

So what did I miss? What is Kravinoff seemingly being written off the face of the Earth? But I like the idea that Barbosa is being Co-Kravinoff for a day. It helps with his image and pushes his gimmick as a loony toon. I am also digging your character, to be honest I was a bit scared in reading your RP's because of how difficult it was to understand your character, but I realized that is what makes your characters unique.

But back on track, the RP was once again well done, it could have used a bit more build up for your team mate Toyota. Half way through I almost forgot you were in a tag team. A play-off from Toyota's old tag team with Kravinoff would have been really cool to see as well. I look forward to reading more of Barbosa.

Ricky's Thoughts:

Boy this guy is kinda creepy, so what's his deal, is there two people stuck inside him or something? Why is he pretending to be a king Kravinoff, whatever dude, I plan on staying as far away as possible from this guy. But I would like to see if he pulls any antics on his team mate Wasabi.

 

[GI Cake]

The Internet Warrior:

First off, It was kinda strange reading this part.

Out of the car steps a lanky man wearing athletic shorts and wearing a WZCW logo t-shirt. On his head is a black wrestling mask, but his excitement radiates through the fabric covering his true identity. What isn’t hidden, however, is the giant smile on the man’s face as he picks up his duffle bag and begins walking toward the door with the car driving away behind him. He says hi to everyone he walks by, receiving everything from a rushed “hi” to a weak nod in return. When the masked man finally reaches the back door of the arena, he takes a deep breath and walks in.

After a bit of searching I found out that was your character, The Internet Warrior. Now if you're going to color in nicknames, well, they gotta be nick names. But after getting through that, they're weren't any other silly loops like that and I got to read the RP with ease. I like the dialog and I have to say The Internet Warrior is coming up to be one of my favorite Stars, along with Action Saxton, King Shabba, and Chris K.O. And that was with one match, and that is a good thing.

The one last thing I think that needs tweaking is the interview dialog. I am never been of a fan of long, giant boxes of dialog. The best way to break it up is by either adding a few bits of action. Make him shuffle side to side, take a deep breath or a nervours cough, anything. And adding one of the WZCW backstage guys would have been perfect. That would provide some nice back and forth, breaking up the dialog.

Overall I enjoyed it, I can't wait wait for the next round for more of your work.

Ricky's Thoughts:

Ohhh my god dude! You're up against Baller man! I hope you're not too blasted from my party dude. Anyway, if Baller doesn't pull a fast one, you should do fine. Good luck my Brother!

 

[GI Cake]

Baller:

I would like to start off saying that you're one of the few people who can manage to write a short RP, but are able to cover all your bases in the process. You covered the past, the present, and the future match against Black Dragon and TIW. You did a good build up against Black Dragon and TIW. You gave out an even amount of verbal carnage and played true to your character.

Ricky's Thoughts:

Ohh Bro don't whine like a baby, you lost by a couple milliaseconds big whoop. Instead of crying in your fruit loops you should get ready for your match.

 

[Remix]

Ricky Runn

This was a pretty good RP in my opinion, and you really understand your character. However I didn't like how you spoke more about The Internet Warrior's actions at the party than your opponents. In my run as Wilhelm Wunderbar, not talking enough about your opponents was something that counted against me in my first few RPs. I also don't get why Ricky held his party at an office instead of somewhere more suited for a party. It's not like Las Vegas is short on places to have drunken fun.

Overall, a decent RP but not a perfect one.

Steven Holmes

This RP was damn good. You incorporated the past into your present actions perfectly and justified your reasoning for going after the Elite X title excellently as well. But that did sort of highlight that you're doing the same things that you've already done (or tried to do) in the past. That's not a criticism, but it is interesting to see that you're still trying to save a division you don't approve of. Even the "Our scene opens with... Fades to black" stuff was justified, given that it was being portrayed as an internet show. Seriously good RP mate. Well done.

Internet Warrior

I have to say Thriller. You have created a good and fun little character. The RP was similarly good but I do have a couple of formatting issues. I really wasn't fond of the brown text you used for TIW, nor that you needed to identify him every time he was mentioned in the narative. It also highlighted that you used "the masked man three times (as well as the man in the mask once) the colour making it seem more repetitive than it would because of how it draws the eye. I also liked how well you seem to understand your character, especially in the pre-interview portion of the RP. In short this was a good RP, with a few fairly minor issues that can be easily fixed and don't take much away from a good RP.

Mr Baller

This RP was fun to read. Baller was beautifully arrogant and funny here, spitting out fruitloops and getting angry over 0.03 seconds. I also liked how you were dismissive of your opponents without ignoring them. I don't think the "The camera phases into... Camera Fade Out!" was needed. It's fairly obvious when a scene starts and stops, after all. There were also a few logical problems I have with it. I mean there's a "WZCW Gazzette" and the headline on the front is about Baller rather than the Barbwire rope match or Ty defeating Austin? Also wouldn't Baller have the e-mail addresses or phone numbers of the people he could complain to directly? But even so this was a good, well written RP.

Hiraku Susumu

Ah, my opponent. Let me take a moment to say I love your character and I think it's got potential to be used to great effect in dozens of ways. With that out of the way, let's move onto the RP. I loved your throwback to your sample RP with the bonsai tree and how you handled my character and his similarities to yours. There are some grammar issues I have though. There wasn't much need to have the first two lines of speach as separate lines in my opinion and you overuse commas but that's really nitpicking. You seem to me to have absolutely nailed your character and mastered your chosen RP style.

Titus

I loved the shoutouts you made in this RP, from football to Maury they were perfectly done and didn't seem out of place. The interview was similarly brilliant. Just a faultless performance capped off with a perfect ending.

Johnny Scumm

This was a pretty good RP in my opinion. You could and probably should have done a little more research on Titus but I've been guilty of that myself in the past too so as long as you do more in the future it shouldn't be a problem. There wasn't a whole lot of focus in this RP either. There was no need to talk about Saboteur or Runn and since Titus clearly DOES know he's not a super hero (he chose to become Red Mask again for a good reason) there was no need to mention that much. But yeah, a good RP blighted by poor research and focus.

Austin Reynolds

I really loved this RP. It got a lot done with Austin deciding that Hayley is more important then the title and deciding to move away from the Main Event and be the show stealer for now. I also thought you handled your opponent well, dismissing him as a nobody who's beneath you but not ignoring him. Very well done Mr Reynolds.

Action Saxton

Saxton's RPs are, if nothing else unique. I'm going to be honest and say they aren't my favorite style but you've got the character and RP style down to a science. As for the RP itself it was an enjoyable read. Saxton giving a copy of his movie to everyone on earth to prevent calamity just gives the perfect look into his mindset and life. And while I normally like RPs to at least mention their opponents, Saxton is the one guy on the roster who can get away with not mentioning them at all just because of his outlook. Good job with this one Doc.

 

[Thriller Ant]

Here’s the feedback for those who asked. Before I get started, here’s a heads up. I try to be as critical as possible, because it is impossible to improve when all you hear is how great you did, and everyone can improve, no matter how good you are. So don’t take what I say as a personal attack, because it isn’t. It’s just my honest opinions on your RP. Feel free to PM me if you don’t understand a criticism.

Alexander Stark

- A couple formatting errors with your text color. Nothing huge, but something that distracted me from the actual content of the RP
- There were a few places where I noticed commas missing, but I’m a grammar Nazi and love commas, so that’s likely a bigger deal for me than anyone else
- The metaphor of a chess game is used a lot, but I feel like this worked well here
- I didn’t like you bringing up that you expect your opponent to lose his temper after you had just talked about your own anger issues. You did a decent job of talking your way out of it, but that definitely did not work the way I think you had intended it to.

Austin Reynolds

- I love the part at the beginning recapping your match. You quickly tie it in, but don’t waste a ton of dialogue/space on it.
- I think I would’ve have liked a little more at the end, as it felt like it was just starting to get rolling with you talking about your opponent when it ended pretty suddenly
- Very, very solid effort here. Nothing overly flashy or spectacular, but definitely an effort that should win a vast majority of matches

Big Dave

- Was that a Harry Potter reference?
- I like the idea of a character adjustment/change for Big Dave. He’s been on top for so long, but never reached the pinnacle. This could be that extra boost he needs to reach that.
- I really want to find issues but I’m struggling. Maybe a little more background about how he ended up there specifically?
- This was really good, and I can’t wait to see where it leads

Ricky Runn

- I will admit that I came into this knowing nothing about your character, but this RP taught me a lot about him, which is good for a newer character
- The entire start of this felt like it was ripped off from The Hangover. I don’t know if this was intentional or not, but it really hurt what was otherwise a pretty creative RP.
- This may just be another Thriller Pet Peeve ™, but to me, having Bateman and Myles confronting you and doing anything other than firing you is unrealistic. You’re new, and wrecked WZCW headquarters. Either ignore the authority figure aspect, or make it play out more logically with only one of the GMs.
- A few grammar issues, but nothing major
- I did like this. You have a bunch of potential, and I can’t wait to see what you can do with more practice.

Ale

- Same as Ricky, why do you need both GMs? Pick one or the other, there is no need for both.
- The second half felt a lot like filler to me. I understand the premise of it and, while unique, didn’t do much for me. Either flesh it out more, or cut it shorter.

 

[GI Cake]

Ale:

-Did you really have no other color to use for pink for Vance Bateman? The color alone kinda throws off the tone of the story.

-Your dialog is always very well done, once again the interaction between Ale and his father are sound and the bits with Vance and Chuck Myles felt pretty real, which is a huge plus.

- What on earth is a shopping cart doing Backstage? I can understand if Ale and his Father brought a dolly or something, but a shopping cart is kinda strange. I understand what you were trying to aim for and perhaps the scene would have worked better if Ale was at like Lowes or Home Depot.

-Like I said before, setting seems to be your only weakness. From reading your RP's I can see the image your trying to paint, but then it always feels incomplete or empty, or something seems out of place. (Like a shopping cart in the backstage of Asecnsion)

-Like the rest of us "New Bloods" you're improving. It seems the WZCW brass are challenging you by placing you in matches against Champions and big name stars. Losing to them shouldn't hurt your confidence.

Ricky's Thoughts:

Blah blah blah, all I see is a big ole' daddy's boy with a chip on his shoulder, which I am surprised he hasn't ate yet. Alex Bowen is a tough cookie, I don't see the Master of Mayhem losing to the big baby...Unless Ale wraps his big ugly Micky Mouse hands around his skull...Know what? Let me fight Ale, hell I'll fight his dad too to even the odds for the poor sad sock.

 

[GI Cake]

Titus:

-I like what you did with the start of the RP, Oliver reminds me of some quick talking dark fellow on a the show, Family Guy.

-The interview itself was very nice and it let me in on some information about Titus, but not so much about Johnny Scumm.

-And on that note, I thought it was a very effective tactic that you spent the interview correcting Johnny Scumm about your characters history. Well played.

- It was a short RP, but it didn't need to be all that long to cover all your bases.

Ricky's Thoughts:
Ohh man Titus, dude in that one movie you played in, you absolutely killed it man! I don't know why Scumm thought you were a bad actor or a wrestler. Anyway, best of luck between your match, I don't know if you or Scummy is going to pull out a win!

Johnny Scumm:

-Scumm still seems to have a big ego despite not having a single win in this match. This is a good thing for a heel but it would have felt fresh if that gave him more fire to rip apart a baby face of the company like Titus.

-You can never have enough details when it comes down creating a setting for your RP. All I knew was that Scumm was in the alleyway with a camera man. Was it day? Was it at night? How come no one was fighting in the alleyway now? Details, details, and details. As I learned, too much detail in simple things like character actions may hurt or seem like filler. But when you create the background for your RP you want it to be ideal.

-I can't tell if you pulled a fast one on us if you sneaked in a bit of Titus's past by saying he would get memory loss. But the way you worded it was strange. Is Titus going to lose his memory again from your Memory Loss?

-All and all I like the simple interview RP, a lot of faces go with this so it was nice to see a heel to something similar.

Ricky's Thoughts:

Oh hey, is it that smelly dude with the cool ass hair do? Didn't I beat on the last show with my Broski, Saboteur? Anyway dude it seems like you're on a slow start, but maybe with this match with Titus you can turn it around. It's funny, I thought you said you had a funny accent because you're from England, but Titus is from England and he doesn't have one?

S.H.I.T:

-Like I said to Thriller, I don't like giving a bunch of dialog to characters who don't even have names, like "The man" and because of that, I had a hard time figuring out if the green text was Gustav, or if The Man was Gustav.

-The heavily German accent in the dialog was pretty funny and found myself giggling at some parts as I always do with your RP's.

-This RP felt like it was more about Gustav than it was S.H.I.T and his match. But at the same time, I felt like after reading this. I didn't learn much about Gustav as I hoped.

-It might be because I am a Mark for S.H.I.T, but the funny 1-3 word dialog describing the people you're in a match with works so well. He's a robot, he doesn't have any feelings. He knows Skinner is arrogant, and Cruz is a bit of a sissy rich boy. I don't know how to describe it, but it felt like you actually asked a Robot to write this dialog. Which is a very good thing.

-Again, detail in the setting is key. What time was it when S.H.I.T walked into Gustav's office? Where is Gustav's office located? Is it in his home country, Germany? Is it located in the U.S. Location, location, location.

Ricky's Thoughts:

Ohh man I gotta go out and buy myself one of those S.H.I.T T-Shirts on WZCW.com. That thing is quickly becoming one of my favorites to watch every night. When it comes down to him against Cruz, and Skinner. I got him picked to walk away with the number one contender! S.H.I.THead for life dude!

That's all I can do for now, I have to run out for class and to grab something to eat. Funkay and Saboteur are next.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Baller: Loved the way you handled the loss. You didn't dismiss it as lucky, but did say it was a cheap win. Good, clever heel tactics. Very nice, general heel RP actually. Lots of smart, yet dirty moves all over this. I wasn't a big fan of Baller simply typing up a complaint, and felt that he should have made a call instead. With that there could've been good dialogue between Baller and Myles, or Baller and an attorney if that's the way you wanted to go. Good, entertaining stuff generally speaking.

The Internet Warrior: Why Blade? Seems like a very weird person to include here. Was kinda odd and I think it would've fit better with someone like Dave, who is still the same person as he was when he was a heel, just the people appreciate him more. Liked the marking idea though, that worked well. The idea that passion is the driving force for TIW is good, but it can only go so far. The character concept is good, I just want to see what you can do with it.

S.H.I.T: It's a little rare to see some broken English in an RP, so that's a pretty neat twist and it works as comedy. Something that's unique about this character is that it's more to do with what surrounds it as opposed to the character itself and in most cases I'd be a little disgruntled by that, but with a character like S.H.I.T. it works. Not sure about the beer bit, especially with Gustav's seemingly somewhat sinister (try saying that five times fast) persona. Everything else was top notch though.

Alexander Stark: A few small formatting issues here. You should re-read your RP a few times to make sure you've ironed out them. No HUGE problems though. I liked the concept that Stark knows that he has weaknesses, but he has ways of dealing with them before they become an issue. There's a lot of attention to detail here which is great to see and I was compelled to read it. Good stuff all around here.

Wasabi Toyota: Great use of Barbosa there and it's cool to see Toyota interacting with the fans through a catchphrase. Barbosa sort of vanished in the midst of this RP which was a little odd, as he wasn't even mentioned at the end. The Kravinoff mask thing is...kinda creepy. Toyota's a nice guy with a heart of gold, but has a dark past, so you can play both sides of the fence and it's a clever move. I'd like to see the darker persona of Toyota come out a little more, but as always, good work.

Saboteur: Really, really enjoyed this RP. Perhaps it's my continuing to delve into the source material for a lot of these RP's, but I am really loving the character of Saboteur. The "Oh Woe is Me" line fit perfectly into this whole story and played up just how irritating Saboteur can be. The metamorphosis from funny to serious was...okay. I would have liked maybe a little description describing how Saboteur changed as opposed to a cut. Otherwise, great RP.

Ricky Runn: Appreciate all the hard work you're putting in with feedback such. Criticism's first: There are a few errors in spelling. Nothing major, but "too" should be "two", stuff like that. The opening was a little too long for my tastes with a lot of stuff that perhaps didn't need to happen going down. Description was good as was the explanation behind the handicap match. Little things like that can make an RP and this was a good effort from you. Improving all the time and this was your best yet.

Austin Reynolds: I was pleased to see you go down the route of being pleased with the result of Apocalypse as you got the girl, even if the WHC opportunities do (seem) to end here. It's good to see Reynolds take a step back and relax for a little while coming off of the uber-intense feuds he's had as of late. Not sure about getting pissed at the end about Williams was that great a move. I mean, it does make a difference from the usual "I won't underestimate him despite being a rookie" speech, but it just felt a little out there with this RP. Good, fairly simple, stuff otherwise.

 

[GI Cake]

Stephen Holmes:

-I see you took more of a T.V promo approach to this RP. Now that I don't have much of a problem with this, in fact you do it well enough I could imagine you could write a screen play for it. However the setting did feel kinda bland. Were they're any people watching the recording? Was the studio empty other than the T.V behind Smith?

-I am going to be honest, I went into this RP having only a vauge idea of who Stepehn Holmes is. This RP played to your character well as this arrogant high-browed heel. I also like the dimension of the character doesn't really like the fans because of the events with Sam Smith, well played sir.

-You break up the boxes of dialog for no real reason. I understand you don't want a giant block of text but at least provide something for the reader like "Holmes then takes a few steps back as he glared into the camera." That way, the reader could understand why the text is broken into pieces and it adds to the overall RP.

- I couldn't tell if they're were people in the recording studio or not because the fans had no reaction. I mean, if I were sitting in the stands as you belittled me, I would have started booing.

-Overall I really enjoyed reading this RP and I can see why you're in the Uppercard gunning for the Elite X title. You covered your bases and you touch into the history of the Elite X title. You have just put yourself on my "To read list."

Ricky's thoughts:

Eww I hate those snarky pepole who think they're better than common folk. You remind me of my dad bro, and guess what. I don't like my dad! I feel if I invited you to my party you would be the Buzz Kilington. Ha! I should call you that from now on! I can't wait till I get a chance to face you in the ring Dude!


Saboteur:

-Just right off the bat, how does Garrett know about some T.V marathon? Did he see an ad for it on the T.V? Was he reading the T.V guide? It helps the dialog to share a little of that info but other than that the bits between Saboteur and Garrett are always funny.

-Throwing in a reference to the Tag Team you tried to make, clever and it adds another reason to put Saboteur in a bad mood.

- One or two HTML errors but nothing too bad, everyone forgets to put that little "/" Every once in a while.

-

Saboteur: You’re right. How do you beat a champion, especially one that’s reigned as long as Ty Burna? They say that he can’t be beaten, but there’s got to be a way. If I learned anything from my time in the frozen tundra of Russia, it’s that you should never drink vodka that’s been sitting in the sun… but I also learned that even titans falls.

Just gonna say this bit of dialog showcases the strange, humours mind of Saboteur. How on earth could Sab learned anything from spending time in the Russian tundra is beyond me. And the best part is that it doesn't feel forced.

-You can tell quickly the mood for Saboteur changes from depressed to overjoyed after he gets that phone call. Then it switches to super serial. Now maybe reading Saboteur and not cracking a joke or being helplessly funny feels kinda odd for me. It might have worked better the next round despite winning or losing your match. It just didn't feel right.

-And at the final part of the brick of dialog you did the same thing Funkay did and break it up for no real reason. Add a little bit of movement and character action. Saboteur is not the kinda guy I would think making a long winded speech as he sat lifelessly in the chair.

Ricky's Thoughts:
Saboteur my brother! It seems like our tag match impressed somebody because we both got booked in high profile matches. You up against the World champion, and I'm against the Tag Champions. Man is life looking up for us! Hopefully after our wins we can go celebrate and have some apple juice together, how about it!?

 

[DirtyJosé]

Cock Shaped Pillow

-He's so angry!
-Blowing off Leon is always good for heel points
-Not really much in character development other than generic heel "I'm so tough" stuff.

Uncle Phatso

-Nice setting. I can't recall RP's being at a con before.
-Nice usage of outside characters, gives life to all three very well.
-I think more could be done with the whole "no respect for Mayhem" stuff. The poster bit at the start got things off on a foot that was never followed up on the rest of the RP.

Thriller

-I don't think much more could be asked of an intro RP like this.
-His over-eagerness makes me chuckle, and more importantly makes him endearing.
-Not really much in the "why I should/am going to win" stuff, but again, it's an intro RP so it's understandable.

Baller

-I like my Baller like I like my coffee: cold and bitter.
-I also like the whole "I don't care about my shot, I'ma ruin yours" stuff.
-Fruit Loops? Really?

Gelgarin

-The font change is effective. The lack of color works because there are really only two voices so getting lost isn't much of an issue.
-There's some really strong stuff here. Love the bit about inflicting enough pain until you get to inflict it on someone worthwhile.
-Not quite enough is said about the opponents. Not a major issue at all, just pointing it out.

Low_Ki

-Good stuff. On point with storyline.
-Hammond comes off as intimidating without having to be violent. Always a plus.
-BE A SURVIVOR, DON'T SMOKE!

Blade

-Again, good stuff. This is shaping up to be a intriguing storyline.
-I like how most of the RP in internal, the lack of dialogue works in this case.
-I'm not such a fan, however, of how that internal discussion was formatted. Nit picking, I know. I think it could have been done as a Blade "talking" to himself in his head and been just a bit more effective.

Doc

-Action RP's are always a blast to read. Well formatted, well paced, and clever.
-I think it's established by now that your RP's can be great without ever mentioning your match at all. Loved the VERY subtle digs at your opponents.
-Of course, this has the effect of me having to scroll back up to the top of the page to remember which match this was and who it was with.

FalKon

-I've always been a Kurtesy fan, so seeing his transition to full on face complete makes me happy inside.
-I dig the rebirth stuff, the "starting fresh" angle. Leaves Kurtesy open for any old storyline that'll come his way.
-A face committing potential hospital fraud!? What kind of example is that?

Baez

-High energy Baez is always a plus.
-Such a douchey maneuver to go corporate with all the sponsors, perfect heel stuffs.
-I was a little confused by the formatting and the font was kinda small. AND MCDONALD'S DON'T HAVE ONION RINGS! HOW CAN YOU FORGET ONION RINGS!

Ricky Runn

-This might by my favorite RP of the bunch, and that's saying something.
-I like the gimmick. Could have been done all wrong, yet you seem to work it well. Rob is a great straight man.
-Big ass party and no Dirty One? For shame! Austin! Call a brother in next time!

Showtime

-Excellent handling of the multiple parts of this RP.
-Showtime is such a snake, it's awesome.
-I miss "The Show"...

Superhero

-Good humor. Excellent timing.
-Seriously, the "We're all American" line was golden.
-Not quite enough about pounding Ricky, which is ok really since Showtime covered that rather well.

NightShiftLoser

-Near everyone hits on Becky at some point, very nice to see someone play this the other way.
-My first time seeing this guy ever and already I've got a good picture of him, a testament to good RP skills.
-Kinda just ends.

Miko!

-LULZ what a name.
-I really like the concept of a robot and a disgraced coach training it.
-A little light on match details and some grammar errors. Nothing major.

Hawkeye

-I like the mystery ally, gives you something to work with going forward.
-Very nice face RP where you don't resort to talking crap, focusing on being strong enough instead.
-Feels a little short. Also, not a fan of the smileys as text.

 

[GI Cake]

Toyota:

-I think you and Barbosa are the only ones who are able to use Barbosa in their RP's to their full potential. Like I said before, he is a tough character to understand but it seems you can do it with ease. Nice job.

-So...Many...Food....Puns...Can't....Stop...Must...Eatttt. Entering the RP I understood Wasabi's gimmick and the dialog seems to be given the double stuff of food jokes.

-As said before, Barbosa seems to pretty much vanish in thin air from your RP. That kinda thing could really hurt the quality of the read as it leaves the reader wondering where on earth Barbosa went instead of the actual quality RP you wrote.

- I like the idea that Toyota is honorbound to protect Hunter's dignity. Makes the characters emotion seem more real and dignified. Very face like.

Ricky's Thoughts:
Wasabi! I want you one on one next week in a All you can eat Ice Cream Contest! Winner leaves with a very sore stomuch and a bad taste of regret!

 

[Johnny Scumm]

Kotre/Alexander Stark
I was liking the concept of the Chess Match here, although sometimes I just found it strange to follow. But you paid a lot of attention to detailing everything, which is good. You've got a good chance in your match, well done.

Lee/Titus
Terrible RP, your opponent will DEFINITELY win this one. No, just kidding, it's a great RP. Love the way you manage to turn everything and anything I said back on myself. You focused in on all the weak points of my character which is another good idea. You've obviously and definitely got a brilliant chance here & I think that you'll pull one out of the bag when you need to.

GD/Toyota
Love your formatting. The way you use larger and smaller, bolder and thinner text just catches my eye & it's definitely my favourite RP to read. Other than that, I really like it. Nude meditating sessions? Lovely. You brought back past matches that may hint at a little bit of tension in between Barbosa & Wasabi. Should be a good match, and a nice RP there.

Ricky Runn
You've definitely given it some worth to show you've got what it takes to go up against BOTH the Tag Champions a 2 on 1 Match, and you're pretty new to the Fed, which is a good thing. Nice to include the General Manager in there and you handled him well. Sometimes people don't handle Characters the right way in their RP's, but you've pulled it off. Considering you've got a distinct disadvantage taking on 2 Opponents, you've got a good chance in the Match.

EDIT: Shit, forgot C-S-Pillow. I'll do it later on.

 

[Johnny Scumm]

Ale/Cock
First up, it's a shame you're against a Champion, because it puts you in a disadvantage, what with you being a "Newbie". Then again, having said that, you are in a Title Match. You are putting everything you have into this one. Again, what Ricky said, the Pink is a bit off-putting, but I'm reading your RP, not judging colours. The Shopping Cart is random, but then again, you can find almost anything backstage of a Wrestling Company. All in all though, it IS a good RP definitely. You're gonna put up one hell of a fight, it's not gonna hurt you if you lose.

 

[Lee]

I'm stealing the dirty one's idea here

Alexander Stark

Great use of visual language
I like how it read like a book totally putting us exactly how the charcters are feeling

You missed off the formatting for one bit:

“Hey, I went to college!” Becky retorts. “And not wasting your precious time isn’t an answer, seeing as we’re standing in a park playing a game” she adds with a hint of venom.

The bit I bolded should be in blue, aside from that top notch RP, I can't fault it at all.

Did you know: This is the second RP with a chess match and Becky? She once claimed she was a chess champion at college.

Ricky Runn

I quite like your character of the daredevil, it's the typical cocky broski but with a nice twist.
The description is fantastic and really does set a brilliant scene

The font doesn't work, it makes it hard for me to read it though it does stand out as different.
The title thing I think suits people like Saxton but not yourself.
Too many man's and bro's
A too should have been two

Overall a top notch RP but you are against Showtime who is one of the best in the fed so whilst you may not get the win you're on for a great future.

Kurtesy

Too many heels turning face causing a lot of the established faces to be lost in the shuffle...but I digress

All in all quality RP but that's what we expect from you, good back and forth between Kurtesy and the former Vixen.
I liked the way you dealt with Baez and Saxton as opponents, too often it seems forced, this is something you never strugggle with.


Overall a great flowing RP that had me hooked from start to finish.

Johnny Scumm

Description was lacking

As I noted in my RP too often when preparing to face a new opponent they'll read the roster page and that was it, read a couple of RPs of the person in question. Read RPs AGAINST the person and you'll realise how often Titus has been called a washed up actor and a filure as a wrestler.

Asdide from that the content was good a great backstory that gives us the reason WHY you're cocky.

Whilst to most it seems generic on first glance a second read shows how well it was done.

Did you know: This is the only time since my return (my first return not the second one, so pretty much Titus' peak) where I've resorted to commenting what people have said about me in their RP? That means you did well and you're certainly going places, this will be closer than you think.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Titus:

I won't get nit-picky and mention that there are a couple of grammatical errors in your RP, it happens.

This is the typical Lee RP where you employ the technique you taught me upon my entry to WZCW: Past/present/future. It's a solid method that has worked and it definitely shows here. I've got nothing against the character developing bit with Keystone City but I do have a bit of an issue with... err.. for lack of a better term "responding" to your opponent's RP. I've never been a fan of using stuff in another's RP and making fun of it in your own, always felt as if it was sort of cutting corners (i.e. the Saboteur/Ricky Runn bit). Although, considering your opponent's RP I do think you've done a sufficient job of at least matching his and giving Scumm a run for his money.

Also, I didn't really get the idea of having someone watching the TV without being introduced. Maybe instead of using Action Saxton (although we all love that bad-ass mother-sucker) you could have put Titus watching himself and the broadcast of Keystone City to give it that in-depth character development feel. After losing to Baez throughout a comic book style fashion feud, having the good guy sit alone in a dark room could have developed a mini-storyline where Titus tries to get back on his feet and elevate himself once more. I'm not too good with comic stuff so what I'm trying to say here is you could have done something a little more with the someone's watching TV thing.

Otherwise, decent-good RP that has all the essentials to possibly defeat your opponent.

 

[Harthan]

Here's a bit of feedback to start off with, I'll try to get in more as time permits.

Ale: I liked this RP a lot. It had a lot of quiet intensity to it, which is a nice thing to pull off. I thought that some of the dialogue was lacking and a little bit unnatural. For example, the metaphor vis a vis the dolphin and a tiger shark was a little awkward. I would have preferred Ale and George never started talking about the weapons they were gathering (when they grab the trays, etc.). I felt like the vibe going on before that was very nice, of two men knowing what they have to do, without a need to discuss it. When George snaps at Ale after nodding (unless I read that incorrectly) it seemed a little off - there didn't seem to be much tension between the two, and this was incongruous. The sentence "Wow, I see how you have negative feelings towards that guy. " is awkward - perhaps something like "I see you're not too fond of that guy" is a little better. The former has a stiff formality to it that doesn't jive. There are a few grammatical errors scattered about that a more thorough proofreading would catch, but we all make them from time to time. If it sounds like I'm nitpicking, I am, because overall this RP was really good. It's structurally sound, reveals and develops character, addresses the opponent, and is unique to your character. Once those kinds of things are addressed, the only left is the little details. Overall, very good.

Alex Bowen: There are more spelling and grammatical errors here than is average, so I'd keep on eye on that. In particular, you're misspelling "where" (ware) and "sitting" (setting) repeatedly. I felt like overall it was a bit scattered and rambling. I got bored after a little while - you were saying a lot of good stuff about your character, Ale, and the match, but a lot of it was repetitive and not presented compellingly. I thought the ending was a little bit copped from O'Neil, which hurts it a tad. I can appreciate the tongue in cheek, but perhaps it's more suited for the middle of the RP, rather than the closure. I'd say this was pretty decent and average, with what I've already discussed dragging it down.

 

[Kermit]

Ale

I was really happy for you when I saw the card and realized that they gave you a Mayhem Title shot. You have been placed in some very tough matches since your debut, and I think it’s fitting that you got this. However, I was not expecting such a brilliant performance. I have read every one of your roleplays since your first contract battle royal one. You have impressed me so much with your progress, and I truly believe that you are worthy of winning this title. It was not perfect, but it is definitely great compared to your early works. You had a few grammar errors, but they were hardly noticeable because of how engaged I was into your roleplay. Good job bro!

S.H.I.T.

Very plain jane. It’s good that you brought in a secondary character to increase character depth. I thought it was originally going to be an origin piece with Gustav being transformed into S.H.I.T. So, you could imagine that I was a little disappointed. It was well written, but I would like to see more depth. Like the cliché robot learning to love, or something.

Jack Skinner

I was a tad afraid that this roleplay was going to turn into an approach on Rebecca Serra, but it’s good to see that it didn’t. It is very well written, but it was very simple. Great structure, good writing, but no jazz. Good job man.

Wasabi Toyota

I love the blend of seriousness and small chunks of humor that you do. Toyota has half of a chance of being the new WHC, so in reality this should be the biggest thing that he cares about. He needs to care about destroying Barbosa to get it. Some people will probably feedback you and say that you should have mentioned your opponents more, but in reality it’s not a top priority. The objective is not even to win this match, it should be to further examine Barbosa. Good job man.

Steven Kurtsey

Great roleplay coming out of your feud with Holmes. It truly felt like a “moving on” type of piece. Your roleplays are always fun to read and very fluid in their structure. I don’t see you have much trouble reintroducing your self to the single’s division. The only errors were a few grammar problems and fragment sentences.

Ricky Runn

What silly antics could Ricky be up to this time? A birthday hangover? Nice. The roleplay had a very good structure and flowed well with its transitions. There were a few minor speed bumps with grammar, but I think you have finally got better in how your use tenses. I liked Ricky’s innocence in this roleplay. He reminds me of Kelso off of That 70’s Show. Great job Ricky.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Ricky Runn:

The Hangover 3: Ricky's Revenge? That's be a movie I'd love to see... however I can see you have vastly improved from the last RP and have centered the RP environment and situation around the RP writing (i.e. the big party wasn't there just to show that Ricky is a thrill-seeker). Apart from the grammatical/spelling errors, it's a solid RP. I must admit, I did go into a lulz-moment when you thought Bateman's rhetorical question was a green light to hold a party. Awesome work... wouldn't have occurred to me to use that.

I'd say next time put some more emphasis on your opponents but I'll let you have the pass considering this is a handicap match. In these situations, you either try your damned hardest to earn the victory or produce an RP that'll help you in the future/build on character developments. Good to see that you've picked the right one here. I'm loving the Ricky character and the RP possibilities are endless for you... continue this work and improvements and you'll be a champion before you know it.

 

[GI Cake]

Dr.Kurtesy:
-The setting in the RP is fantastic and it paints the image you obviously intended for it to be.

-The dialog sounds a whole lot like medical doctor gibberish (Which is a good thing considering Kurtesy is a doctor and his lady friend is a nurse.)

-I love the whole "Peace at mind" deal you have going on with your character. Granted I have not been around long enough to known of Kurtsesy's past but from the sounds of it he did a lot of things he sure did regret.

-Following up on my last comment, Kurtesy seems to be having "Brian Kendrick" Syndrome. I could see a few of your upcoming RP's of him medatating or doing some "Zen-shit"

-As always a top notch RP by you. I always love reading your RP's because I feel a little bit smarter at the end of them.

Ricky's Thoughts:
Woah man, I think that match you were in put a few more dents in your head then you might think. I would never have thought of a "Mental coma" before dude. But hey, if it lets you sleep at night and get over your demons I don't see anything wrong with that. But hopefully it's the right state of mind when you're up against Action Saxton and Baez. Be on your guard but I trust you would be able to win this match, because afterall, you are a doctor.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Titus: Oh hey, Sunderland lost to Newcastle did you hear? That yellow font's a bit ugly isn't it? Foreshadowing change perhaps here? I like, I like. I liked the first bit, but this second part's a response to Scumm's RP which isn't something that work's very often. It's a little lazy in some people's eyes. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's good, but it's not like it's that interesting. The closing paragraph is by far the best thing in this second part of the RP. It shows a different side of Titus in comparison to Red Mask and that's good RP work, otherwise, okay stuff.

Ale: It was said before, and I'll echo it, Bateman and Myles did not need to both be in this RP. They're not friends by any stretch and they certainly wouldn't do that with Ale. Ale questioning Bateman/Myles why they care doesn't really work for me either. Chris K.O. note was pretty funny/good. There's a bunch of good stuff here, but we're at a point now where Ale needs to develop as a character and move forward. Evolving the character is a necessary thing for any/everyone. Pretty good none-the-less.

James King: King getting angry is good. It shows a new emotion from King that we've not really seen before as he rose up the ranks of the tag division with relative ease. The lack of Alhazerd is somewhat odd, even though he's left now. I would have thought that there would at least be some sort of dialogue concerning him individually rather than just as a team. However, what this RP does establish is a sense of independence to King's character now that he's separated from Alhazerd and he's now begun to develop a new persona. Good work.

Blade: First off, hope all is good with your new accommodations. Anyway, a different approach here from you and I enjoyed the shake-up. Usually you can expect some chaos, fear and darkness from a Blade RP. Here however, it was more of a reflective peace, looking over what has happened, and what is yet to come. That works on a lot of levels and is something we don't see done in this way a lot. In terms of problems, there are parts that seem to be filler to add length. They're not necessarily needed, and despite it's length, it was a thoroughly enjoyable RP.

 

[The Best]

The Internet Warrior-

Positives:
Lots of description
The use of other characters (especially Blade, I liked using his character as a cameo a couple of RP’s back)
Great character buildup here; really lets me know this guys gimmick/ his past before WZCW

Negatives:
Just a few (not too many) grammar mistakes, but mainly in the opening paragraph
When you say the lanky man and put it in one color, and then the masked man in the same color, it can throw the reader off. I suggest that if you’re going to use a guy’s description instead of just his name, either use one, (i.e. the lanky man) or use both (i.e. the lanky masked man).
Just a suggestion, when you introduce a character, it’s better in my opinion to put a description of the guy you’re about to introduce at least, nothing big though.

Baller-

Positives:
WZCW Gazette? Creative.
I like the 2.97 seconds part. That, again was very creative, and it’s something that most of us either wouldn’t have thought of, or wouldn’t have posted, and I like that.
Usually when I read someone’s RP after a huge loss, they either focus on the loss 95% of the time, and their next opponent 5% of the time, or the other way around. With your RP, you mixed both of it in pretty evenly, which is very, very good and important in my opinion.

Negatives:
Grammar, quite a bit of mistakes.
When you say “who is this Internet Warrior Guy,” and then talk about his background, then I think that he knows a bit about the guy, besides saying he’s never heard of him a few lines before.
Don’t really see someone like Baller eating fruit loops. Haha.

Black Dragon:

Positives:
Just as always, your RP’s are easy to read, and easy to get in to.
I really like the similes and metaphors you use in the RP’s.
Very deep RP, with a lot of description.

Negatives:

It was hard to understand who was speaking in most of the dialogue.
I didn’t feel like you talked about your upcoming match as much as you could have.
This RP didn’t bring out who your character really is as much as your other RP’s have.

Scott Hammond:

Positives:
Hammond seemed a lot more serious in this RP than he has in his other ones (especially the one against me); I feel like you write better when Hammond is more on the serious side than the funny side.
Despite Hammond being obviously furious, he keeps on the face side, which is very good for his character in my opinion.
Very strong dialogue from everyone you used here.

Negatives:
I find it a bit unrealistic that a detective would take a bribe.
Felt like you could have had another line or two talking about Blade, or making it clearer on how exactly Blade cheated.
More description of the setting itself could have been put in as well.

Blade:

Positives:
I like how you used your opponent’s RP against him.
Good job explaining the handshake.
Lots of description while describing Hammond.

Negatives:
Obvious lack of dialogue.
Didn’t mention the rematch.

Action Saxton:

Positives:
Saxton’s my favorite character next to S.H.I.T, and all of your RP’s are very different, and creative.
Lots of description with the characters and the actions.
I like how he’s not sad about the loss, and he is still focused on his goal of winning titles.

Negatives:
Saying orphans have sad little lives is more of a heel move than a face one.
Don’t talk about your next match.

Steven Kurtesy:

Positives:
Excellent dialogue between the two here.
Good opening paragraph; it really drew me in to the RP.
I like the doctor-nurse connection a lot.

Negatives:
Could have some more action in between the dialogues.
Small grammar problems.

Baez:

Positives:
I’ve always enjoyed your RP’s and your character, and this one is no different, very readable, and easy to get hooked in to.
Calling out your opponents was great, fun read about Saxton especially.
Still mentioned his huge win over Titus.
I liked the humor about McDonalds with Becky.

Negatives:
Very small Grammar errors.
Could have mentioned more about Rent A Video a bit more instead of just McDonalds, but it really doesn’t matter.

Ricky Runn:

Positives:
Strong Dialogue.
Good use of NPC.
Even though it’s 2 against 1, he’s still pumped up and ready for the match, which fits his character well in my opinion.

Negatives:
Small font; really not a fan of that; kind of hurts my eyes after looking at it for a while.
Would a 16 year old in a major wrestling promotion really be open about drinking? Especially with wrestling, I would find it un-realistic for a company to fire a 16 year old, who makes it publically open that he drinks (not talking about parties in general though; just want to get that clear; I really like your gimmick, and this was your best RP yet minus the font).
Some spelling errors.

“Showtime” David Cougar:

Positives:
Great way of using Rogers in general. I especially liked how you set up the start of his RP with the interview with Kensworth (well it would have been).
His conversation with Bateman was gold (I don’t say that too often). How you used both your character and Bateman was great, and Showtime was able to get his way again.
The Show was great as usual, as I liked all the aspects you used in it.

Negatives:
In the phone call with Showtime and Bateman, you only used one color. I mean, I could tell who was who since it was so short, but you still used one color for two men.
I think one grammar error, but I need a second thing to say.

Stan Rogers:

Positives:
I like Stan’s sense of humor.
Stan’s lack of knowledge about technology is a good addition to the character.
Got your point across about Runn, while staying on the face side of the tracks.

Negatives:

Kind of upset that your RP didn’t start after Showtime introduced Leon to Stan in his RP. That would have been really good in my opinion.
The opening part was pretty confusing, but that just might be me.
Some very small grammar errors.

Jack Skinner:

Positives:
You really established your character well in this RP; I really liked that.
There was some good humor in here in my opinion.
Talked well about your opponents.

Negatives:
Some small grammar mistakes.
Jack seems like a coward towards the conclusion of the RP, which really didn’t fit with me.
How would Becky walking out of an interview “kiss his chances of winning goodbye”?

S.H.I.T:

Positives:

S.H.I.T is honestly my favorite character in the entire fed, and your RP’s suit the character very well.
Good introductions to your NPC.
Great humor.

Negatives:

The RP was more about Gustav than it was about S.H.I.T’s match, and Gustav till wasn’t that thoroughly introduced.
Could have been a bit longer; kind of adding on to the comment above.

Sean Cruz:

Positives:

Sean’s story for me seems very inspirational, and something that you would see in a movie. That just might be me, but I really like that about your character, and this RP added on to it.

Good introduction to the NPC. Really liked her role in the RP.

He’s obviously not cocky, which makes a great face, and a different one, because a lot of faces are pretty cocky.

Negatives:

Instead of putting a :0 in your dialogue, I suggest you put in a transition/ action, or whatever you want to call it saying something like Sean’s jaw drops nearly to the ground, or something like that.

Sean seems too down. It seems like he needs someone around him to function; not really a big fan of that.

Some grammar errors. I suggest less one word sentences.

Ty Burna- You’re the champ; hands down.

Saboteur:

Positives:

Your RP’s keep on getting consistently better, and this one is the best one yet in my opinion.

Good way to talk about your opponent; I liked that part.

Good humor, but……….. (see below)

Negatives:

Don’t solely rely on humor, which is what I feel that you are doing.

Wasn’t really a big fan of the “timely and unlikely coincidences.”

Could use some more actions in between your dialogues.

Austin Reynolds:

Positives:

Excellent dialogue.

Good mix of having Haley back, talking about your match with Ty, and your upcoming match with Jackson Williams; great job with that; really liked it.

Great description of the setting.

Negatives:

Really wasn’t a reason to put down Williams in my opinion (as in calling him a bottom feeder).

Kind of the same thing as above, but did seem like a heel towards the conclusion.

**Note, Chris K.O and Steamboat Ricky put up my two favorite RP’s in the round; it’s extremely hard to pick a winner between these two.**

Chris K.O:

Positives:

Great use of dialogue, and actions between the dialogue; really got me in to this RP.

Great use of setting.

Great use of WZCW history. I really like that, especially since your fairly new to the company, and you use events that happened before your character started in the fed.

Negatives:

If K.O.’s a heel, than I don’t get why he would have the crowd cheer Leon.

You kind of seem like a tweener here, but it’s really nothing big.

Steamboat Ricky:

One, sorry for your loss man, I can only imagine how your feeling.

Positives:

Good job using your actual life in this RP; it gave a lot more feel to it.

Great dialogue and grammar.

Way to out in a bit about your opponent, even though it obviously wasn’t the main subject of the RP.

Negatives:

It was a bit short (with a completely acceptable reason though.)

Didn’t really see Klamor’s character come in effect (haven’t read many of your previous RP’s though, so I could be missing something between the two.)

This is just the first half, so if your name isn't on here, than don't be worried, you'll get yours.

I know some of my negatives can be a bit confusing. PM me if you really care about them that much, and I'll be happy to explain them.

 

[Kermit]

Blade

• Good shoot promo.
  
• I liked how you included the WZCW: Kingdom Come game in your RP.
  
• It sounds like what Chris K.O. and Blade are on the same page.
  
• Blade looks very much like a face in this one. He is going up against Chuck Myles, who is a prick, and taking stances that are pro faces. He is pretty much calling out all the BS, and taking the face's side. I don't know if you were trying to look like face or not. Then again I honestly haven't read much of your roleplays before this so this may be the norm.
  
• Steamboat Ricky got barely a mention in your roleplay. I know your character was built up in your frustration, but Steamboat Ricky is a former WHC. He is an icon and he only got a quick verbal assault. I just don't think Blade should be taking him so lightly.
  
• It is a good solid roleplay, but I feel like it's lacking something.

 

[Daniel]

I went to bed early, woke up, and now I can't go back to sleep. So, I thought I'd do some feedback.

Chris K.O.

• I'm sure of told you that I like your character and you as an RPer. You have a very reserved style and it's a joy to read.
• I like you calling Everest by his real name. It's not really the done thing, and I like that it had a purpose. Instead of just sying his name, you go on to talk about "masks" and "aliases". Good stuff.
• As I read through, there did feel like there was something missing. Maybe human interaction of some kind? I'm not sure. I know it's not K.O.'s style, but I like my character bouncing off other people. Maybe something to think about in the future.
• The last couple of sentences are awesome. I see nothing wrong with ending on a soundbite.
• Overall, a very good little RP where you've hit every major point equally and with style. But I do feel that there is something missing, and that missing something hinders the RP slightly.

Blade

• I'm a smarky smark, so I'm all about shoots, obviously. This one was great. It didn't feel over the top, you judged the tone very well.
• Blade makes some interesting points (about the younger guys and such) which I hadn't really thought about. This RP got me thinking, and that's a great thing.
• I liked the use of the video game in the RP, which is something I've done. It's using your "e-fed surroundings", so to speak.
• I don't think enough people write about the day-to-day activities of a wreslter, such as photoshoots. I try to do that with Stan Rogers because I think it's a concept that works really well. It feels real and relatable.
• On the whole, I enjoyed this immensely. From an objective point of view, building up your match with Steamboat Ricky more probably would have helped. Subjectively, that doesn't matter. I found it an absolute treat to read.

 

[Blade]

For Abyss' Two Front Teeth:

-Ok, my first thought is that for a guy who's supposed to be sort of a psycho fighter, he's awfull human in his happiness at defeating Titus. Obviously, I'm not saying I understand your character better than you, I just think that maybe I don't quite understand the character. I think you should work towards clarifying him and his gimmick, that's the only way you can develop him because Scumm seems a little all over the place, a bit unfocused at the moment.

- Decent stuff on Kempa. You're good at picking out (kayfabe) flaws.

- For a second, I thought that said Barbosa. Lolz.

- This is all pretty standard stuff. But that's to be expected from someone who's still new to the fed. Bear in mind, though, we appreciate failed risks in RP's rather than just going for what's safe. Remember that.

- Again, I just have to say that Scumm seems far too human. I looked over your application when you first submitted it, and I was quite excited because we've had no true psychopath, beating people up wrestler. Well, never a good one. I wanted some kind of Abyss/Early Mankind type thing, and that's what I expected. But he just seems like a regular guy who happens to be a good brawler. So I dunno. You need to focus your character more, give him some edge, or else you won't get far. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but I'm not one for sugar coating.

Overall: Somewhat bland and vanilla, but to be expected this early in your fed career. You understand other people's characters well. You need to accentuate your gimmick far more.


FunKay:

- Firstly, your recent win/loss record does not reflect your recent RP's at all. You may be having a bit of a patchy spot right now, but your RP's are always consistently good and I think no one would complain if you won the Elite X title.

- The talk about Smith is pretty standard heel stuff. He's not a worthy champion, downplaying his recent accomplishments and so on. While this part of the RP wasn't bad, it felt like you were just getting the formalities out of the way at that point before getting to the good part of your RP. As you know from my RP's, I don't think that a most of the RP should be about the opponent, but that's just me.

- A lot of people are talking about being the 'saviour' of WZCW and the wrestling industry. But that isn't your fault. Hell, I'd probably choose you if I had to pick a 'saviour'.

- That picture. Awesome.

- While you were perhaps a bit lucky with the questions you received because of how well they seemed to fit with the RP, the order, the answers and Holmes' growing frustration were fantastic. Really entertaining stuff here.

- Little things like telling someone to call you Mr. Holmes even though the questions are by internet post is a good touch, it's what makes Holmes Holmes. And the correcting of the grammar gave some good laughs.

- I enjoy Holmes' ridiculous delusions as I obviously have a lot of that with Blade, but in a different style. Holmes thinking he knows what's best is some great character development. Keep it up.

Overall: Good RP, but the first half dragged it down a bit. Whether or not it's good enough to win the Elite X title is still to be seen, obviously. Not your best work, but Smith will definitely need to put in some real effort to beat you here.

 

[Johnny Scumm]

(I started this, then Safari crashed, so it's not going to be as good this time).

Steven Holmes

- The Q&A is a great idea, love the concept & great thing to include in your RP.
- The way that Holmes answers the questions, his reactions are brilliant. I felt as though maybe a couple of answers were missing "something" and towards where he was getting angry, I think maybe there could've been some added description in it.
- The addressing of Smith & his Championship was very well done as well.

Overall, I think you've got a good chance here in a Title Match, good luck.

Sam Smith

- Empty Arena, good. I hate RP's in front of a crowd, had my experiences with them before, they don't work.
- The pent up anger, about the Mysterious Voice, smashing the chair into the Turnbuckle, all done well. However, is there possibly a bit too much focus on the voice and the future instead of your Title Match? Have you lost what your eyes should be on? You're talking about what happens after your Match, BUT you've not actually retained yet, what happens if you lose?
- Finally, the end part, where you watch that video over & over again, then make your phone call, is that needed? I'm not sure what it adds to it, but let me know the point of it.

To be brutally truthful, I think that you may have a big challenge in Holmes this week. But we shall see, we shall see.

Titus

- It's different. Good, I like different.
- Short & simple, but it works. You address EVERYTHING Titus related in a very short amount, which is great.
- I like Oliver Billy. Who else does he think is "good"?
- The RP is strange, I wasn't sure what to make of it at first, but it's good.

With that being said, you're in a Tag Match & your Opponent didn't RP. Ho-Hum.

Brad Bomb

- Firstly, welcome back. I'm glad you told us all what happened when it came to your injury, because it was a long time ago & well, I wouldn't have checked back that far & I don't think a lot of newbies would know what had happened either. It's nice to go over that.
- Mentioning the WZCW Kingdom Come Game made me laugh, nice to see you've had a good time off.
- You make yourself sound/seem confident for your first Match back, it's good.
- A bit of a weaker RP for your return, but you might be a bit rusty? I'm sure you'll be back into it in no time.

Sean Cruz
- It's colourful.
- Making yourself look as good as you possibly can in a Title Match, good on you, you are up against one heck of an opponent.
- It seems like you have a plan against Bowen, waiting to see what happens.
- It's difficult, because you're up against such a good opponent, but you're looking good. & In a Mayhem Match, you've got to put up a very good fight.

Whether you've put up enough to win is debatable, but good luck nonetheless.

Austin Reynolds

- The interaction between Reynolds & Runn is great. Very well done handling a character who isn't your own.
- The way Reynolds comes across is great, he is really up for this Match & you've done well in picking out the fact that Stantime are individuals, picking on their weaknesses.
- You made it blatantly obvious that you two want the Tag Team Titles and to be honest, you've got a very good chance of getting them.

You & Ricky look good this week, all the best.