RP Feedback Thread

[Johnny Scumm]

& I'm back with a second set of Feedback. Lets get this underway.

Blade

- First off, it's a shame your Opponent didn't RP, so yours is definitely the superior
- VERY well done with the Video Game photo shoot, the character comes across as a very strong man, full of feeling for the Company.
- Possibly also, my favourite RP of the week. It's very well written and it gets better up to the point where I'm annoyed it's ended.
- Finally, the last line is just a gold ending.

Brilliant RP, but it's a shame Ricky didn't RP, 'cos I'd have loved to compare it.

Action Saxton

- First of all, good work handling other peoples Characters. You done it well, which takes some doing as they're not your usual. Your Black Dragon was brilliant & Saboteur even more.
- I think the whole RP is very strong, throughout.
-

National Beat The Hell Out Of Every Jive-Ass Sucka Who Gets In Your Way With A Stick Made Out Of Pure Machismo And Reinforced Steel Day

is the best thing I've ever read, ever.

To be honest DDP/Action, this is pure brilliance & I love it. Definitely puts your Team up ahead, along with Saboteur's own RP. Didn't read Black Dragons, but I'm sure it's also great.

Alex Bowen

- First of all, being the Champion, you have to put on a top RP for every show & when defending your Title, you have to make it even better! You've done that here, this is definitely the superior RP in the Thread, which means you should have some fun defending.
- The RP is very dark & I like it. The hoodie covered in Barbed Wire is a brilliant touch, nice one.
- As strange as cutting down a tree sounds, it's a good idea & is a great of symbolising different feelings etc.

Great RP, you should defend no problem.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Gordito: Not sure on the first part of your RP. It's a little...pointless, or so it would seem. It seems to hint at something for the future. Perhaps we'll learn more next time round. Second part was superior by a fair bit. It has some good characterisation and details Gordito's thoughts on what's come for the future, and made me legit chuckle at his "laying into" his opponents both before and after addressing that point. Nice dig at Baller. Pretty good.

Saboteur: First point, Saxton is written well. Great chemistry between those two. Secondly, good description that helps set the scene very well. Thirdly, good humour as always. Fourthly, a problem I have with this is Becky's characterisation. She seems a little off here. I don't think she'd be that surprised by Sab's answer as she's probably aware of the seriousness of Sab's work last time out. However, you get it back on track with some good answers to her questions. Good work my friend.

Action Saxton: Action Saxton is so great that when I tell people that I right for an e-fed, I show his RP's as an example of what we do. I always, always enjoy Action Saxton and this one is no different. Much like how in Sab's RP Saxton is written really well, so is Saboteur here. If I have to have a complaint, it's probably how your spacing can seem to drag out the length of an RP, but that's about it. Great stuff.

Chris Beckford: Something about Beckford that's different to pretty much any other is just how clean cut he is. He's always happy and cheery, and even has sympathy for the biggest of evil men (such as Mr. Holmes who gets namedropped). It's unique to the character. It's shown again by the respect shown to Harrys. I was a little thrown off by the internal dialogue being in red and the actual dialogue being in red. Fairly standard happy face, but well written and delivered.

Austin Reynolds: Good work encouraging Runn. Makes both seem incredibly committed to getting themselves off as a team. Not sure I agree with your analysis of either Showtime or Rogers. They seem slightly off. I think there's a missed opportunity for Reynolds to cover Showtime here as they've got a fairly lengthily history. To continue being a downer, I don't think the NPC's were needed. They just seem to be there just to be a different voice. Fairly solid, but not really as good as it should be.

Ricky Runn: How many interns do WZCW have? I mean seriously. Anyway, this was okay. Not sure about Klamor's use here. He's a bit of a douche and here he isn't really used as such. The swearing at the end seemed unnecessary also. Another weird thing here is the conversation with the intern. I was confused with what was going on as it didn't really lead to Ricky realising that Reynolds could work with him. Came across as odd. In terms of positives, you expressed yourself well in the interview with Johnny.

Titus: Nice with the different style. It's always good when someone breaks their standard style and goes in a different direction. That being said, I'm not sure about it. It didn't really see us get your point of view on events that are recent in Titus' career. It's also not really hugely detailed and lacks real passion that we see from Titus. Yeah, I wasn't a great fan of this. It's well written, but not necessarily used well.

Mr. Baller: Within the first part of the RP, there are a few spelling mistakes. Goes to show, everyone should look carefully at their RP's before posting them. Good back and forth discussion between Baller and Bateman, though I'm not convinced by Baller's claims of superiority. Second part however, I far more convinced. You speak well and express yourself very well. Also, good interaction again with Leon this time. Consistency seems to be a weakness here.

Brad Bomb: Welcome back. Bradley Bomb? That seems a little out of place. Just...a little weird. I would have focused on the new appearance a little more, but that a personal preference thing. Good to get some background info on Bomb's actions whilst not in WZCW. There isn't really enough focus on King here. Solid outing for a comeback with good detailing, just needs some refining and you could be where you were just before you left.

Ale: Honestly, if I wasn't on creative, I would not read all three parts of this. Length can be a negative as well as a positive, keep that in mind. I also think the flashback's etc, were a bit much. Perhaps if you dedicated one RP to that, one RP to setting up the bar scene, and then the bar scene, then it's easier to follow. It's good to get more of an insight into Ale's backstory. It's always a plus. More focus on Shabba would normally be needed, but obviously he no-showed, so it doesn't matter too much, but keep it in mind for next time.

Wasabi Toyota: SAL! Missed the pizza place I did. Did...did you just break the fourth wall? That's...sort of cool. I expected Saboteur to do it, but not Toyota. It's intriguing to see Toyota's emotions beginning to get the better of him. This opens several options for the character to go with and could lead to the World Championship sometime in the near future. Some of the RP seems a wee bit like filler, but otherwise, funny stuff, which also has some solid serious work. Very nice.

Johnny Scumm: I like how Scumm buys himself as the victor of his match against Titus. Scumm's a little trippy isn't he? Not sure about the whole, psychotic element to the character. We'll see where it develops but I'm not fully behind it at the moment. See, the second part see's Scumm move from damaged, psychotic heel to general douche-bag. It's not really a great transition. That being said, I liked the writing with the Barbara character, both funny and got across how nasty Scumm can be.

Alex Bowen: Some mistakes with spelling etc... at the start. Proof reading can be great. The comparison with the tree is fantastic as it allows Bowen to relate to something living that isn't a human. That's an odd thing, but here, it works. It also showcases Bowen in a different light. You cover Sean Cruz and others you have faced very well, but it almost seemed like Bowen was turning...heel? Interesting...

 

[GI Cake]

Here is the new Feedback format I am trying out for those who lost this week. If you guys like the feedback feel free to rep me telling me so. If not, simply red rep me and I will use the regular, Red, green feedback.


James King:

What I liked:

You cover the past of James very well, you can tell he is upset over not only the lost of the titles, but more importantly the loss of his partner.

James is now fighting for his buddy who is in the hospital. It sets you up as a feel good Wrestler into the match. But yet, this hurts you as a heel.

What I think you did that costed you the match:

The part in your RP I was confused on if James was heading to the locker room, or in the hospital trying to see Alhazred. So needless to say your setting was very static and was shifting way to quickly.

The parts where you broke up the quotes from past shows with dialog from James felt a bit strange. However I feel this would have been better if the setting was better.

Although you are trying to establish James as a Heel, I feel as a singles wrestler your writing would be much better as a Sympathetic face.



Titus:

What I liked:

I like the podcost wrestling radio show you did this week, pretty creative.

You cover your loses well by explaining Titus's history on his good and bad days. I don't know much about the past of WZCW, so reading this really let me into the past of Titus.

What I think costed you the match:

Way to short for my taste, and because of this, you didn't provide to talk up Titus and Baez, and talk down who they are against.

Despite the creativity, it was kinda difficult on understanding the RP. I really didn't know how I could immerse myself in your story.

Baez:

No show, enough said. I like your RP's, but you need to actually post one, I know you can do one. I hope this isn't a habit, because I really like your stuff.

Sean Cruz

What I liked:

A happy Sean, is a good Sean. His confidence is at all time high and honestly why shouldn't it? He became a number one contender for the Mayhem title and his buddy Armando Paradyse is coming back. You did good expressing this through your dialog.

The whole tiger bit was enjoyable. Reminded me a lot of the movie, "The Other Guys" where Mark Whalburg calls himself a Peacock who needs to fly.

Going in with a 50/50 chance of winning or losing. You built your RP to develop your character for the future.

What I think costed you the match:

Where the hell was the RP taken place? Backstage, your home, Mars? I had no idea.

Nikki felt kinda like an air-head. She provided one line of words, then Sean just sat there and carried on. I feel if you added a bit of actions between Sean and Nikki it would have made the dialog feel more real.

 

[Miko]

Ewan Kampa: It was a decent RP, but it didnt seem to go anywhere in regards to your match, Ewan demands an interview but then takes a phone call before he gets any meaningfull questions about Scumm or his match. I see that your trying to develop the character and also his relationship with Cindy, this was better, and also fuel for your next RP. Like me sometimes, I think you've just struggled to find the balance between match build up and character arc.

I'll do more feedback for people if I think I can add more than a wordy version of "Dis waz really good"

 

[Lee]

Action Saxton:

I love this, I really do. The Myles/Bateman thing I was wondering myself and just did a lucky guess with Bateman, as Ty said last week on the discussion thread it goes to show they're interchangable and should not be the focus.

I liked the memo idea as well, the cute kitty made me think of Armbar who himself is a MMA fighter, it just shows how badass Saxton actually is. Then we get further onto content, good to see the superheroes get a bit of praise and the destroying fish adds to the background of you loving pussy/cats. I like that you also built up your long running storyline with RIcky Martin and Crashin, what ever will come next.

So you addressed your match, built on existing storylines and had some comedy thrown in for good measure. Currently it's better than anyone else has done in your match. Add into that how different it was than normal and you tick all the "what makes a good RP" boxes.

 

[GI Cake]

Armando Paradyse:
First off, I would like to start off by saying, welcome back Armando. But now back to the feedback. I found the RP needlessly short, there wasn't enough detail in the RP for me to immerse myself into the return of Armando. Secondly, I don't understand why Armando went heel. Armando wasn't injured, he went on a cruise, so at first glance I thought Armando would be back, happier than ever. Thirdly, It comes off as weak when you wrote that Paradyse carried his team with Cruz. As much as I loved reading you and Cruz's RP's. You guys never became tag champions, if Armando carried on about his new found hatred of Cruz because he prevented you from ever grabbing the titles. It would have been more effective.

Overall the RP felt rushed, the dialog is spot on and the heel work is impressive. I feel if you spent more time and writing into painting the background for your RP's you will be making A-class RP's in no time.

 

[GI Cake]

Titus:
I thought your Baez was crazy, I know for a fact Barbosa is crazy. But now, Titus is starting to lose it? This RP was well worth the read as you are clearly moving forward your character. This scene reminds me a lot of the first Spiderman when Osborn was bickering with the Green Goblin mask. And the way you ended the RP made me wonder if he is truly going wacko, or if he was just acting. Anyway, the setting was on point so that was always a plus. However their really wasn't enough meat on Barbosa for me to think you will beat him this week.

 

[NSL]

Titus - I loved this. You addressed everything you needed to, story-wise, and character-wise, and it was very well written, as always. I was kind of worried about where it was going, but the ending cinched it up well, which is the purpose. I don't have any real complaints here!

 

[JGlass]

Sam Smith- You conveyed the anger of Mr. Smith very well, which was definitely the most important part of the interview. You painted a very good picture of the angry Sam Smith wreaking havoc backstage and being so pissed and obsessed with revenge that he blatantly disregarded one of the most powerful men in WZCW.

That said, I thought Sam's dialogue could have been shorter. When someone is REALLY pissed, they aren't able to eloquently state their thought process. Short and not-so-sweet threats and brief explanations would fit better than some of Sam's longer paragraphs in the ring. I thought his stuff with Bateman was good though.

Overall a good RP, but with room for improvement. As this stage of your career goes on, I think you'll get a better feel for how to write these angrier, more chaotic RPs.

Stephen Holmes- Right off the bat, I have issue with your description. The image it paints is wonderful, as always, but how is the audience to know that Holmes is waiting for Bateman? This is a simple mistake that is commonly made in screen writing, and it can be easily fixed with a line of dialogue. I think Stephen Holmes is the type of guy that might utter a complaint regarding how long it's taking Bateman to meet with him.

After that, I have no more complaints. The dialogue was perfect, from Bateman's scolding but professional language to Holmes' reasoning for facing The Internet Warrior. I also enjoyed his "two wrongs DO make a right" philosophy. Classic heel work in violating one of the oldest rules in the book.

Very enjoyable RP. I think Holmes is one of the better written characters and I can't imagine him not maintaining a high position in the card.

The Internet Warrior- The font annoyed me at first, but I got used to it.

It's beautifully written, that's for sure, and if it was a short story I'd give you two thumbs way up... but it's a wrestling promo. How is the audience to know what's going on in The Internet Warrior's head? If I were watching this promo on television, I'd see a guy driving to an arena and going inside, all the while thinking to himself.

Perhaps I'm misinformed about what an RP is to consist of, but I was always under the impression that it's supposed to be a sort of vignette, something that someone can watch. While you're RP this week was really insightful and revealing into the mind of The Warrior, it didn't really show us anything.

 

[NSL]

Blade & Hammond - I'm doing these together, since you two clearly put your heads together this week. First, Blade. I liked the set-up for your RP, and liked the flow of the dialogue. You show your experience, add some insight to your character, and handle the upcomign match very well. Not much to say, other than great job. Same to you, Hammond. You flowed very well off your partner's RP, and gave enough story for your character, that even I (who hasn't read much about you...apologies) know what's going on. Good luck this round!

Saboteur - This RP started as a great read, and had the expected humor from Saboteur. It covered every angle well, and should continue your push to the top. My only complaint, is the length. AAfter a while, it seemed like I was only reading because I had to, not because I wanted to. All-in-all, a great RP, but could've been a bit shorter.

 

[The Crock]

Saboteur: Very well done here. Really creative idea with the presidential pins, it separates you from the rest of the competitors. The RP was funny, it showcased how much of a nut your character really is. You did a decent job of focusing on your opponents, not looking past them, but you talked about the future (Ty Burna) too, which is always a plus.

My only problem with it is how you used Kensworth. He wouldn't scurry away. Dude's been kidnapped and all other sorts of stuff, he can take a guy in a mask yelling at him.

Internet Warrior: The first thing I noticed was the font. I'm unsure if I like it or not, but I did get used to it after a while. I liked that you segmented it, keeping the parts separate. You didn't really talk about your opponent much, but you managed to cover it a bit.

For a short RP, you got a lot in, but I feel like it's just lacking focus on your match up. Stylistically, it's very interesting. Nobody else does their RPs like this, so that's a good thing.

Blade: I like this a lot. The in-ring promo was solid heel work, you detailed multiple wrestlers whose careers you derailed and played up your impressive EurAsian Title reign. The backstage/locker room part was my favorite though. You looked for Hammond, but had no luck. You had a few interesting interactions (the stagehand, Runn) as well.

Overall, good stuff. No problems here, except for a few formatting errors.

Brad Bomb: I don't know about this one. It seems a bit random, but not in a good way. The Walkman, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, it seems like you're trying to get laughs out of people. I mean, wasn't it only a few weeks ago (I want to say it was in the Random RP Thread, not sure) you were pulling serious promos? On top of that, you said "out of breath" in reference to Bomb, which makes sense as he was swimming, but that never showed in the dialogue.

The stuff you were saying wasn't bad, you covered your opponent and did a good job there, I just wasn't a fan of the rest of the situation.

Stan Rogers: I love Rogers as a character. It's such a bizarre idea, quite entertaining. The General was an excellent accent to Stan, he's an off the wall personality himself. I thought the actual promo you cut was pretty good, it fit the mold of what you were trying to go for, but it wasn't too over the top. The humor was there as well, can't fault you there.

I don't have much of a problem with anything, except for the first mention of Runn. I feel like you just popped it in there without much thought.

“Nice. Speaking of which, how are you feeling about you’re match against him?”

“I’ve beaten him a couple of times. Three, if you count one those stupid battle royales they put us in. Should be OK. He always goes for those stupid ass big spots, though. That’s the worst thing.”

It threw off the momentum of the RP for a bit. Good job otherwise, a few spelling errors, but nothing too major.

Alexander Stark: The first paragraph of description is my favorite part of the whole RP. Very nicely done, you captured your character and just did a bang-up job of getting me interested. The discourse between Stark and Susumu is also very well done. You covered your opponents thoroughly and you further injected some doubt into my mind, as the reader, of their shaky bond.

Solid outing.

Ricky Runn: This was an entertaining RP. I thought you did a good job of capturing the clashing mentalities between Runn and almost everybody else, the dialogue was well written, all that stuff. There's one major problem though... You didn't cover Rogers AT ALL. You gave me a couple lines about him, that your character didn't even say. He beat you the week before and your only advantage over him seems to be that you're not bald and you have a couple friends. I don't exactly see myself leaning in your favor. You have got to do a better job of talking about your opponents or you'll find yourself losing again.

Not a bad RP, but you missed a key element.

S.H.I.T: Interesting, to say the least. S.H.I.T is an excellent character, the likes of which I've never seen before. You covered all of your opponents, gave viable reasons as to why you should win, threw in some humor, all that made for a good read.

You should try to split up your dialogue though. A line of descriptive text can go a long way. Make sure not to make spelling/grammar errors too (their/there). Good stuff otherwise.

Sean Cruz: You're certainly improving. Decent job here. You covered last week's events and your match for this week. Even though you only spoke of Paradyse and had no mention of the other 3 opponents, it worked, as you tried to advance this little feud you have with Paradyse.

Try to shy away from references that some people might not get. I mean, I'm sure some people had no idea what you were talking about when it came to the Green Lantern. Also, try to shy away from the cheesy dialogue.

Barbosa: Hell of a job, as usual. The personalities seem to be working better than ever and you had my interest throughout. The formatting was solid, over time I've grown used to the different font sizes.

You might want to shy away from using too many spoiler boxes, but none of them were overly long, so it was manageable.

James King: First off, I noticed this multiple times right off the get-go, you use apostrophes to make words plural. Shy away from this, as it's wrong. Normally I would skip over these mistakes, but it happened multiple times, and it's an eyesore.

The song was a nice touch, I guess. You conveyed your anger well and it's an interesting situation you have brewing there with Richard and James. Good work.

Titus: Cool scenario here, Titus/Red Mask and the ruling about vigilante justice being illegal. I really liked the dialogue and you painted a good picture of Titus' mindset for me, you covered the past and your match with Barbosa very well, but you really did a bang-up job with the parts about Baez.

Only problem here was that you misspelled Barbosa, but not a big deal.

Jack Skinner: Congrats on your win, you certainly celebrated like you won the World Series.

It was entertaining to see the interaction between Leon and Jack, but you also managed to filter in some solid discussion about S.H.I.T and the rest of your opponents. You're really getting into a nice little groove with Skinner as a character, I like what you've been doing.

Solid job.

 

[NSL]

Sam Smith - This is the type of RP you'd expect from a champion. It did the most important thing it needed to do, and that's cover the storyline surrounding the Tron and Smith's past. You sprinkled in just enough about your opponent for this week, but didn't get distracted from the big picture. Excellent dialogue as well.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Internet Warrior: It's an interesting concept to speak of the situation as a narrative like this but I don't think you covered your bases enough. You mention everything that should be in an RP such as character development, your history and whats coming up... but it's only the basics you have mentioned. As a new character, it might be hard to get the ball rolling in the first few weeks to see which direction you want to take them but you definitely needed more meat in this RP. Not sure if I like the font or not though.

Titus: This is probably one of the best Titus RP's I've read since I started in WZCW. Not only did you do the gimmick mimic RP (using your opponent's gimmick to show that you can do it better than them) well enough but you twisted in a way that specifically involves your character. I loved the idea of using your mask as alter ego's and bringing in the dreaded black mask back into the picture. I can't pinpoint any flaws here... excellent work.

Ricky Runn: Indeed an interesting RP where Reynolds is angry at you, almost in a heelish way. Although, it does tie in with your previous tag team RP so I guess it makes sense... just thought it was weird to see Austin mad again. Conveying Runn as someone who is upbeat really came through in this RP as you pretty much shrug off any negative or serious comments directed towards you for a more positive conversation. It's a part of Runn's character that I enjoy and I feel that's what gives your RP's that edge against others: gives it something unique. You've also improved on your past/present tense, so commendations there as well.

Mr. Baller: I don't think I'm a fan of this RP. You covered taking out Big Dave and Kurtesy out and expressing your character excellently as usual... but the focus on Ty Burna in a tag team match where he is your partner is probably a bad idea. You say that the two of you need to work together to take out your opponents but then you say you want to take down Ty. You leave that sort of material for the PPV. You should have focused more on your opponents and brush off your confrontation with Ty like the classic heel should do. So yeah, didn't like the RP concept at all but everything else was spot on.

Chris Beckford: I always love reading your RP's as it gives off the feeling that you are the ultimate face. No matter what the situation is, no matter who you are talking to... Beckford always has a smile on his face and talks with a positive attitude. It's good to see that you made the contrast however that not all people view you as such by going out on the football field to kick some goals for cancer. Just by utilising your character qualities you've turned a generic RP into something really good. You've given your opponent a run for your money with this RP.

Armando Paradyse: With this one RP, I can definitely say that I enjoy the heel Paradyse. So much arrogance and cockiness... it's weird to see but you've portrayed it well. However, the three different situations in the one RP... didn't like it. Next time, you should decide on one of them before creating an RP because it mixes alot of different styles in. Always stick with the one style. You could have pulled of an amazing RP if you stuck with any one of those three situations but too many cooks spoiled the broth here.

Sam Smith: This insanity thing is... whoa. I'm definitely looking forward to a final match between Holmes and Smith with both of them being messed up in the head. You've portrayed Smith as a psychopath who will stop at nothing to take his enemies down but done so as a face, Randy Orton style. I didn't think you could pull it off at first but you've proved me wrong over the last few weeks with the transition. Well done. The intensity and the passion is just oozing out of this RP and if you continue this to Unscripted, I'd be hard-pressed to vote against you. Excellent work all round.

Steven Holmes: You've definitely got the character down with how diabolical and high-class Holmes is, it's scary sometimes to think that a fictional character can be so realistically sinister. I love the interaction between Bateman and Holmes, especially the use of Bateman and the dialogue gets the point across. I also love the breaking of dialogue with descriptions of Holmes enjoying the wrath he is inflicting. Apart from a couple of parts where you missed to highlight dialogue in colour, the RP is pretty good. My thoughts are in the air about the whole fine situation but I'll see how that plays out.

Ale: The first half of the RP did wonders for your character development and showed just how nasty Ale can be as well as your father embracing you blindly as his child. It's a little unorthodox that you attacked an NPC as such but it worked well for you... just try and tread lightly on those as they can be frowned upon. The second half of George naming names and you saying one-liners is what I didn't like. It comes off as a half-arsed attempt to talk about your opponents. You are better off discussing the match as a whole instead of focusing on individual people: it's the key to writing for multi-man matches, trust me.

Saboteur: That was a long ass RP filled with joke after joke. However, I did not find myself laughing at most of these. The only one that made me legit lol was the "Damnit Kensworth" line and that's because it's a personal inside joke that me and my friends have with another person, except her name isn't Kensworth. Back on track: I liked the use of all the characters here and how they interacted with Saboteur though, it held everything together and the jokes tried to break the flow of seriousness which is always a nice touch but unfortunately, I didn't find them funny. Not good enough to win the match but good enough to keep yourself afloat here.

Alexander Stark: The interaction between the two of you is amazing. I love this whole intellectual discussion with ego's flaring involved, gives off a distinct love to hate and hate to love vibe about this team. The descriptions given off are also different for the most part, giving description to how each man is talking and how they feel during dialogue. As a tag team, you two are certainly working well together. You two might have only teamed twice and RP'd three times thus far, I firmly believe you are both ready for a tag team championship shot.

Gordito: Is it okay to say that I really enjoyed the RP and I can't really say anything bad about it, so the feedback for your one is completely unnecessary? Oh, it is? Cool... kthanxbye.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Shit... I forgot S.H.I.T.! Sorry Miko, I didn't see my User CP:

The use of the robot character this RP around is a huge improvement over last week. Seeing how SHIT views the world is amazing and comedic, especially when describing your opponents. I loved how you went with Ale and Johnny Scumm, I legit lol'd at both. I didn't mind you re-using the same thought-process for describing Paradyse although I would have went a different route. A nice RP that holds it up for the rest of the team.

 

[Lee]

Ricky Runn The text for CC in the quote bit is hard to read, maybe you should have changed the text colour for it? The phrase is "couldn't care less" if you could care less then you obviously care about it. I liked the context of this, I liked the interaction with Ricky and Reynolds if a little strange seeing as Reynolds has been the flashy "ratings winner" yet telling you to be more grounded. All in all a cracking RP, good work.

I think you didn't need to point out that the Frisky Kitty was a strip club, it's hardly going to be a book store is it?

This was my sort of RP, sheer comedy mixed with the seriousness of the match with S.H.I.T. One minor mistake though

Jack wakes up about 6a

shouldn't that be AM?

Still a top notch RP!

Sam Smith You used Storms twice in your first two descriptions, as well as this line "a frustrated Smith begins to take out his frustration on anything in sight" it could have used a different word to frustrations. Aside from that it's a good RP, many will say you didn't focus on Beckford enough but that's not Smith's concern in the match, his concern is Holmes. That worked quite well especially with the Bateman annoyances. Good work!

Kurtesy I liked the scenario with you being up the mountain. The description was spot on, the dialogue was great. You covered the past, present and the future with some nice chemistry with Dave. The my child line was a bit overused for my liking, aside from that great RP.

 

[GI Cake]

Dr. Steven Kurtesy:

I am really digging the whole, buhdda quazi angle you are going with Steven Kurtesy. Looking back from your character's bio in the roster, I can tell Kurtesy has made strides in terms of devloping and growing as a character. I like the idea of a Kurtesy/Burna feud because of the contracting believes in their religons. Overall, this will be a very intresting few weeks heading into Unscripted, nice work!

Steven Holmes:

Not much to say about this one, you did very well covering your bases from last week, Steven Holmes is quickly becoming one of my favorite heels to read because on how innovative you are with your RP's. After reading this one and Thrillers, you should have no problem coasting through this round.

 

[GI Cake]

Johnny Scumm:

Sorry for the late feedback, but here I go with making it up to you man, free of charge.

I honestly think this was your best RP here in WZCW. This is the best I have ever seen Scumm shown as a physcopath. I also love the Xenophobic aspect done from an English side of things. You do a great job breaking up your long segments of dialog with realistic actions and movements that help continue creating an image for the reader. You also do an amazing job mixing all the three elements of RP together for this match. Without reading the others in the match I can say that your odds of winning this match our very high. Great job man, and continue writing these high quality RP's.

 

[Lee]

Here are some reasions why Armando Paradyse is seen as a joke in this fed:

Vince Bateman- Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls, I am Vince Bateman and welcome to the Unscripted Press Conference.

You mean Vance Bateman not Vince.

Paradyse gets up and walks over to the podium. All the women in the crowd are going nuts.

Paradyse- You can quit aploding me now.

Applauding.

I mean, you have me.......well you just me who has any talent at all in that match.

This does not make sense.

Ale, You walked out of the match this passed week.

Past.

You take what I do for a living and make a mock out of it.

LULZ this should be mockery.

I'll drop you faster than I did you're sister.

Your.

What the hell Armando? You were suppose to talk about the match not make fun of you're opponents.

Supposed.
Your.

Also please use comma's. The content was generic at best and did you ask for permission to use the characters?

Write an RP, wait a few hours or even a day then re-read it, I do that with my blog and the typo's/incorrect English is usually glaringly obvious. You have a TON of work to do, but so did Baller this time last year and he's (rightfully) in the title match.

 

[GI Cake]

I guess I will start with the Mayhem guys.

Alex Bowen:

I always thought Alex Bowen would be much better as a heel. And this RP really showed what you can do as a hardcore heel and you do it brilliantly. Turning into this RP, I have had no idea that Bowen had a brother. Looking back through the Non-player characters he is sort of a gentle giant kinda guy. The RP had the emotion that showed that Bowen has truly lost it and is only thinking of defending his title.

Now the only issue I have with this is that I feel your character is ready to move up to the next level, the Mayhem title might be where Bowen excels but I would love to see Bowen win a higher title and then torment whoever wants the title by forcing him to fight in mayhem matches.

S.H.I.T:

With the mood I have been in lately, this RP was a real breath of fresh air and helped pick my day up. I love the idea of S.H.I.T in a box, just reading that in my head "SHIT in a box" made me giggle. It is also pretty unique setting for your RP considering that it seems that every time wrestlers are blind sighted by the press they gladly answer questions. Having SHIT refuse to answer to questions because he is in a box is amusing. I also like how you use other characters to describe and provide promo on the others in your match because the fact S.H.I.T doesn't answer as colorfully as people would hope. This might just be match of the night if RRR are not voted in for the tag match. :3

 

[NSL]

Runn Reynolds Runn - I loved these RPs. It's great work as a tag team, and really pushes you guys as top title contenders. Each partner had their showcase, but it was still a combined effort, and a good example of what other teams should strive for. I wish I had read these, before using something similar in my RP I obviously liked the ideas you used though

 

[NSL]

Action Saxton - The description here was perfect. It was a lot, but not so much that it took away from the dialogue. You covered the match well, and gave me just enough insight to your character. Well done!

Gordito - This RP was looong...It didn't feel like a chore to read, but it seemed to have too much to it. I also haven't read many of your past RPs, so it could just be something I'm missing about the character. As far as this match, it seemed to be a solid RP. You covered all the necessary angles, and mixed up the description well with the dialogue.

Johnny Scumm - The first half is a bit crazy, which fits the character, and covers your last match well, but seemed to dwell on the past a bit much, where the title match at the PPV should have been the major focus. In the end, where you hit on the match, you went on a bit on each individual opponent, which takes time to read, and gets boring. The content, divided into separate pieces works, but for a PPV, and as a whole, it's a bit much.

Alex Bowen - Whereas Scumm went a bit long, this is OK. You're the incumbent champ, which means you're expected to cover each opponent. Also, after a heel turn, there's a lot of character stuff to go over with a PPV title match coming so quickly. Overall, I liked it. As a fan of the old-school ECW, I could see envision this RP in my head well.

Ale - The dialogue here is very good. you cover the match and the importance of it, without dragging on. But, you go on a lot about a guy (Antonio) that isn't even in the fed, and doesn't have a real impact in your WZCW career. You dominated a portion of the match last week, and talking about that would have been more impressive.

Steven Holmes - You always have good dialogue in your RPs, and I like how you break it up with description as simple as "He takes a sip of wine". It flows nicely, and never feels like I'm reading it because I have to. Not much else to say...

Titus - This was a solid RP, without the video. With the video, it's another step up. Definitely takes some dedication, and I can imagine a lot of work to gather all the info needed. As usual, this is a great RP from you.

 

[NSL]

Baller - I honestly haven't read much from you lately, but I can definitely see the vast improvement from when you started. It's a very solid RP, but you're up against some tough competition, and I'm not sure if you took that "final leap" to being the WZCW champion. Good luck!

Sam Smith - I can pretty much copy and paste what I said to your opponent here. I love the dialogue, and the description helps it flow very nicely. It was long, but not too long, and was what a reader should expect from a champion defending his title.

 

[Johnny Scumm]

Ricky Runn
I loved the premise of you RP, the nice guy visiting the sick kids. Nice for mentioning myself as well First of all though, you need to be voted into the Match! If you do, even with the RP that you've put up, you're up against 2 great opponents.

Austin Reynolds
Your RP, along with Runn's, makes a great Team effort. However, like I said, you've gotta be voted into the Match first & then you still face the challenge. Loving the look of that T-Shirt, I would buy that. There's not really anything wrong to pick out from it. You've focused in well. Vote RRR!

 

[Johnny Scumm]

Baller
Two words. LOVED IT. Seriously, it's a great RP. The first section starts it off well, then moving into the Basketball Court, that section is gold. You've made yourself look great going into this Match, I wish you all the best luck. Then again, you are up against Ty

 

[GI Cake]

Big Dave:

Since you never really ask for feedback, I will hook up right now.

First off, I would like to say that I like the plug in of the Montreal Screw Job at the start. It was cleaver and it was pretty funny considering this was back when Dave was a kid wrestling with his sister. I also love the dialog in the segments between Dave and the doctor. You do it so well you go over your past, your childhood, and your future very well. Also towards the end of your RP, you manage to fit in a great promo covering the three other contestants in your match, best of luck man.

Gordito:
Oh the Dirty One, I remember G.D Once made a reference to my character to yours, and through this RP I can see the parallels. I love the attitude and tone you can set for your character, the happy go lucky face is a rare act seen here in WZCW and it is nice to see someone else do it so well, hell even better than myself.

The only real issue I have with this RP is that the way it breaks apart feels to halting. The different scenes never really meshed well and took me some re-reading to find the links between the past, present, and future. But that is without saying you did not nail all three scenes brilliantly, because you did.