RP Feedback Thread | Page 52 | WrestleZone Forums

RP Feedback Thread

Stan Rogers: (Quick Note, I did these in reverse order so this is the last one I gave feedback to) What is it with the use of cars here? So many RP's with cars. Ah, the old bait and switch, very nice. Great use here with the aspiring young superstar. This is sort of like Saboteur's RP, but a less mocking and more joking. It's a nice change of pace to see a nice guy. I like this concept of an older wrestler, schooling everyone else. Good shot of a contract here, and even the win.

J.T. Brooks: HOLY GENERIC CHARACTER BATMAN! As you know by now, rich heels are very common here in WZCW. Hell, I'm one of them. To be honest, I think this character is incredibly meh. It's nothing we haven't seen before. The writing though is good. It's something you can apply to a better worked out character. I think you'll be out of the running for a contract, but come back next time with a different character, and we can see you being in WZCW one day soon.

Creed: You've been through this a couple of times now. Got to say that I respect you sticking through despite now getting that contract the first two times. You've improved since those first two, and now, you're far more polished. Don't use "@". It's lazy. You show good progression and this is solid overall. I see it being third time lucky.

Jack Skinner: There's potential. A lot of it. There's a narcissist thing brewing here which could work really well if done right. This felt like a teaser for the character, and in that respect, I don't think we got to know your character well enough. I think that's going to prevent you winning, but I think you're getting a contract none-the-less. How you work with this gimmick will be very interesting.

Ricky Runn: MY EYES! Damn that yellow text is horrible. You say Ricky waaaaaay to much in that first paragraph. Miz it up a bit with Rick, Ricky, Runn and maybe a nickname. The formatting is also bad. The enter bar is your friend; use it more often when it comes to dialogue and disruption. There's some okay description, but that's about it. I can't see anything coming your way at the end of the match.

Ewan Kampa: ...Que? I feel as if I'm watching a commercial for Lassie. This was very, very odd. I mean, it's great establishing a character, but when you don't talk about your match, your opponents and very little about wrestling/WZCW, then your only really establishing one half of the character. It’s fairly well written and formatted, but it just doesn't have the content. No contract for you good sir.

Jackson Williams: Showtime's right, this is Showtime without the talk show thing. But at the same time, it's a fairly basic gimmick, and you make it work pretty well. The biggest problem I have is that the security guard doesn't recognise you, but the interviewer does? Not sure I buy that. The interview was good though and your points came across well. Candidate for a contract for sure.

Johnny Scumm: You could well have called this "My Homage to Batman". That's not necessarily a bad thing though, that's just what it screamed to me. The writing's very good, and while your character is a little weak, you have time to build up on that. Everything's fairly solid and it looks pretty polished so I think you've got a good chance of earning a contract.

Saboteur: Now, I'm already well acquainted with your character following your RP for All Stars so I'll be giving you slightly different feedback. I liked the interaction between Alvin and Saboteur. Obviously your character isn't the most serious person in the world so adding a polar opposite helped showcase the brashness. Good to see you might keep him around. Some of the stuff about getting paid seemed like filler though. Outside of that, I enjoyed this one quite a bit. I'd say you're getting a contract.
 
Action Saxton: There's a little bit too much description here. Hell, you even address that at the start with the "I digress" part. The Eugene joke is always good and funny. Saxton is a different type of character to review and this is a good bounce back following defeat. You were serious, taking a different tone last time. You return to comedy with force. The storyline's got a lot of mayhem in it, is that intentional? I don't know, but it works.

Wasabi Toyota: The making fun of Baller's storyline/situation with Ricky was a great place to go. Work was good in that area. I also think you did a better job than Hammond of cementing that you're moving towards a singles area. However, you also managed to maintain that there's a relationship still there with Hammond. The rap was funny. My biggest problem was that there wasn't really any development from losing the tag titles. You didn't talk about that at all. Otherwise, good stuff.

Sam Smith: Okay, I would venture to say this was your best RP to date. You established that many feel that you were going to be easy pickings for Constantine (which for a little while I thought if I'm brutally honest), but that you weren't going to go down easy. The second part of this was also intriguing. You're building to the future, but also saying you’re a star here and now. Nice balance. Defiant, honest and brutal. Very good work. I see a successful first defence.

Black Dragon: There's a good mystique around this character. We don't know much about him and that helps the style you write in. The book thing is different and works well for this character. However, I felt this was a little bit too long. If you're going to establish your claim to Mayhem, This should probably be shorter and more to the point. That's my biggest complaint. Otherwise, good work.

Blade: Why is Blade dealing with Bateman? That's the big question I have. Bateman's in charge of Ascension and the Elite X strap, not Meltdown and the EurAsian. Why come to Blade instead of Smith? Very interesting stuff here. Not entirely convinced by that transition from Bateman to Becky. Came off as a little bit forced for me. Much like Smith, your building for the future and it works well, especially seeing as you're facing Everest next.

Austin Reynolds: I liked the second part far more than the first. The foundation for turning on Ty was laid in the first part yes, but only when you discussed it in-depth was it interesting. The first part was just kinda dull. Nothing really happened and it was fairly uneventful. The interview segment was much more interesting and in my opinion better written. Too much stuff here and too much of it was pointless filler.

Titus: Right, first off, despite it taking us like half a day to work it out, the Ty reference is good. Complicated, but smart. Not sure I totally dig no use of Titus in the first RP, though it is something unique and different. May have to re-read that later. Made Bowen look strong at least. The second RP was much more in tone with Titus since his return and worked very well I felt. You balanced between your opponents well. Overall, different, but good. Not your best.

Hunter Kravinoff: Thanks for the analysis on my RP earlier by the way. Much appreciated. That last Kravinoff part should be broken up more. It was long and very, very compact, but could've used some more breathing room. Liked the establishment of you not playing by the rules that Dave plays by. That was a nice touch. I like how Kravinoff, despite facing Dave and being the heel, is much more the aggressor in this feud. Makes him seem like a legitimate threat and a deadly one at that. Good stuff all round.

Dr. Alhazerd: How many colours did you use? I felt like I was under attack. I didn't like that at all. Too much man. Strange stuff going on with King and Alhazerd. Little bit weird. Maybe I have to tell TMZ and get you sent to some GLAAD classes? Decent way to establish yourselves as the new champs, but it felt pretty lame overall and quite a tame effort with strange little jokes and references rather than laying the foundation for the future.
 
Kravinoff:

You took what seemed like a dare in a straight fight by Big Dave and turned it into him acting like a coward. At least from Krave's point of view. That's a very unique twist to make a heel stand up so straight in the face of adversity. Most heels today would do the exact opposite and complain about it. But not you. Points for going against the norm (not that it's anything new to you) and for a greatly told story. Although there's a few grammar issues in there.

Big Dave:

This seemed pretty generic. I'm OK with standard talk and truth from a face, but this match has a major deal on the line. I think this one lacked in detail in order to fight back at Krave's more unorthodox and aggressive RP.

Black Dragon:

I liked the poetic stuff. But I think there's a bit of an issue. A minor acknowledgement of your opponent's doesn't really make me think are better than them. I'd be OK with you targeting Vance Bateman, if he were the one running the show you are going to compete in. Vance runs Ascension. You're competing in Chuck Myles' show.

Sam Masters
:

I have to give you points for the perspective you gave. Very unique visuals involving the fireworks and burning out. But you never even acknowledged what you were going to do next. Nothing. That kinda leaves you in a blank direction with nowhere to go.

This guy:
tumblr_ldn4q4sBbC1qzlydfo1_400.gif


That was a hell of a fun read. You kept the topic straight, full of comedy, handled your opponents and blew up a classic car. Goddamn.

Ale:

I said Phoenix' RP was too simple, but this one was even more simplistic. And it had many grammar errors and lack of coding. It makes the RP seem even more weak. Sorry, but next time you gotta watch out for that stuff.

Sam Smith:

A very nice speech. Rocky would be proud. That bit with the phone call better not lead to DDP debuting though.
 
Along with the Rep, some feedback in return would be nice :P

Stan Rogers: You are what these young kids call "The Shit." Stan is a very unique Superstar I haven't seen pretty much anywhere. You play your gimmick very well and the promo was top notch. It seems to me both of our 'agents' have a hard time keeping our egos in check and from going over the top. Dare I say a tag team between the Second City Daredevil and the Strongest Strong man to ever live be holding tag team gold soon?

Austin Reynolds: I love how you convey the emotional trauma Austin is going through after having his fiancée kidnapped. His friends and family do his best to try and help him keep his composure and face off against a WZCW legend. I don't know any other way to praise this rp but by actually being able to grasp the emotion from the RP I think you have a good chance of winning this week.

Ale: I read your previous post and I have to say your post have improved. The relationship between Ale and his father was made much more clear as a coach/student kinda deal. It also feel's as if the Father is trying his best to hang off the coat tails of the levathian of a son. Going up against the World champ is a huge task. And Ty's RP is really top notch but I can see Ty being too distracted with the whole Haylee/Austin situation that you can steal a win against the world champ.

The Forgotten Powers: Redskull asked for the feedback but I chose to do the feedback for the tag team. Overall I really enjoyed it, and to be honest, I have been reading your post's to see how exactly tag team RP's work. You and your partner have a lot of chemistry when it comes to your post and mesh well together. Hopefully I can get a match against you guys with (Insert partner here)
 
Kravinoff: I liked your RP a lot. I enjoyed Krvinoff's bizarre celebration of Congoing around a McDonalds despite the fact that he's probably more of a fire dance type of guy, and I thought the language you used to portray Serra was perfect. I couldn't tell if Kravinoff really believed he had X-Ray vision or if he was actually just exaggerating, which I liked.

I would have liked to hear more about his plans for the King for the Day briefcase, though, but I suppose all will be revealed in due time.
 
Wassabi Toyota- I need to acquaint myself more with your character before drawing any real conclusions, but the idea of a massively fat naked man in a hot air balloon with two other people is quite hilarious. I would have liked to see Leon and the balloon operator a little more squished in. Also, there has to be a fart joke in there somewhere, if that's your style.

I also liked how discontent he seemed with his last win. He's hungry, and that's a good attitude going into a rematch (at least, I think it's a rematch, sorry, I'm pretty new at this).
 
Stephen Holmes- I got such a image of what this scene looked like based entirely on the dialog and the props alone that I was getting some chills. I imagined the two sitting at a very long table in a dark hall lit only by candle light, which just makes the scene all the more creepy. The dialog was perfect, though I think Holmes should have been even more condescending to Constantine and Constantine should have been even less vocal as Holmes seems to be the type of guy that demands control of any conversation that he's in.

Overall I think this was one of the best RPs I've read so far this week. I'll definitely be reading yours again in the future.
 
Steven Holmes:

-I like the intro. But at the same time, I'm always leery about devices like this as wrestling promos on television normally aren't narrated to tell you these things. I reckon text that isn't dialogue should be devoted to describing setting, action, expression, etc. When I see a few sentences dedicated to describing the mood the mood your character is in, it's something I think should be instead be communicated through expression and dialogue. It's not a bad intro, but I do have a different take on how to communicate things than you. Not a bad thing, just a perspective thing. I may have used a similar device a time or two myself, so I'm not above this sin, but I'm often distracted by how it would come off on television. If that makes sense.

-Piping hot soup in the summer? Is this one of those weird things heels do just to get a reaction?

-Holmes licking his lips makes it sound like he wants to eat the belt. Which is awesome.

-Holmes having to preface "breaking your balls" with "what's the expression" is exactly the sort of thing I expect from him. What. A. Cunt.

-I don't really care for RPs that respond to losses with the cliché "I'm in a rut and I've got to do my best to get out of it and show everyone how good I really am!" theme. That said, it's executed well here and the parallels between the mean streaks of Holmes and Constantine definitely make this feel like a unit rather than a two guys randomly tagging. I like that kind of thing.

-I love that Holmes goes onto disparage the name of Mayhem like he did last year but this time with his recent actions against Kurtesy casting as delicious hypocrisy over the proceedings. You're tying a lot in here very well.

-Fine RP overall. My only lingering thought is that I pictured the table between them as an extremely lengthy one which you used frequently to stereotype wealth. So when they tapped their glasses, it caught me off guard. Given your gimmick, you might want to address such things. Other than that, I dug this overall. The two guys seem like a natural fit and you take some themes which could feel "blah" and put a nice Steven Holmes flavor on it. Keep up the good word.
 
Alex Bowen: This isn't mean to be rude or anything along those lines, but your RP's can be very similar. They are good and it's nice that there's a common theme, but taking a risk every once in awhile certainly doesn't hurt you that much. It can open up a realm of new possibilities. This RP was decent, but this was far more concerned about Saxton than it was about the match at hand. That may cost you in the end.

Stan Rogers: I like that the character takes himself very seriously. It opens a realm of funny scenarios. I also found myself cracking up at the constant cutting and starting of the recording. Did you really make a David Arquette reference? That may be a first. I like it, and I like that it's just a little different. I think this character has some legs and I think it's going to earn you a contract.

Ricky Runn: See how much better it looks without the yellow text? You might have had to explain that they weren't on a regular plane, because at first I was wondering why Ricky was throwing his agent out of a plane. Not much to really say here. It was a little different, and we got to learn about the character more. It's an improvement over last time.

David Cougar: ...I hate you so much for making your RP's so long. In the RP vs. Blade, I like how you use recent events in others RP's to your advantage and also enjoyed just how much Cougar rambled on and on. I must say I don't entirely buy Cougar as a changed man. Moving onto the tag RP, doesn't this directly conflict with the other RP about the interviewers? Saboteur was a funny character to interact with. I like that Cougar interacted with most of the new characters here. Not sure about Leon's use here at all, but fairly good.

Titus: Wait...skydiver? Keystone City? What is this? De Ja Vu? Little Jimmy? What is it with this RP? It's chock full of weird and wonderful references. Pretty sweet for me personally, but not sure everyone's going to make complete sense of it. This second RP? We get to see Titus become serious which has been fairly rare since he returned. It's very direct and to the point and I enjoyed it personally. The "I've heard legends of..." line is good, but you might have overused it slightly here. Was quite repetitive. Otherwise very nice.

Sam Masters: Truth be told this is character I haven't really been keeping up with so I'm not really sure what to expect out of these RP's. The philosopher quotes at the start are a nice touch. There seems to be a lot of unnecessary stuff here with the ATM thing. It's nicely done, but it could be shorter perhaps. However in the tag team battle royal, you cut straight to the point. Poker's a little clichéd, but works all the same. Not really sure about the first RP, though I think you are going to win there. Second RP could take you far into the match.

Austin Reynolds: I like the final part you did talking about the journey you've gone on to get to where you are and addressing that you won't be in the same state of mind as usual. It's not the way I would necessarily do it, but I always find it interesting that you use the NPC for pretty much every RP you do. Much better than last week, though I'm not so sure on this paranoid angle that seems to be emerging. Who do you think you are? R-Truth?

Ale: I do like that your RP's tell a continuing story. It's something I wanted to do, but could never quite fully get, so this is something I can admire. Parts of this character are still a little odd to me. Why is he interested in beating the shit out of a woman. Perhaps go deeper into that next time. It's solid actually and you deliver a fairly good RP here, covering all your bases pretty well.

Johnny Scumm: Not so sure on this one. Alvin, based on the one RP I saw him in before this, seemed somewhat badly written. Just seemed like this could easily have been Leon, Becky or any of the other interviewers. In fact, it would've been funnier with either Johnny or Stacey as both would've freaked if this happened to them. Dialogue was clear and to the point, though it was pretty generic. We really aren't learning very much about the character, so that would be the next logical step.
 
Ale

I would suggest a spell and grammar check before submitting your role play. You won’t always catch everything, but it helps with polishing it up. The role play seemed repetitive, but I liked the fact that you did research on your opponent and included it in your role play.

Ricky

Do a grammar check before submitting your role play. Some of your sentences don’t have periods and it stops the flow of the role play. It was a good role play considering that you are going into the match with out knowledge of who your opponents will be. It was a good promo, but the random choppy sentences hold it back. Also, watch your usage of tenses.

Austin Reynolds

Great role play coming out of the events that unfolded on Ascension. It was a great read, and I think you portrayed your character well in the area of dealing with your kidnapped fiancé and a looming match with a WZCW veteran. Transitions were done smoothly. I usually like to add in some constructive criticism, but the role play effort was solid in my opinion. I think it all depends on the move by your opponent if you will win this or not. Good example of why you are in the world title picture.

Hunter Kravinoff

It’s always silly, in a funny way, to see heels celebrating a big victory over a face. I loved the opening scenes with Barbosa and your self congaing in McDonalds. The role play was a strong step after coming off of your recent win. There are a handful of grammar mistakes, but nothing too noticeable. Also, in the initial part of the scene you mention that he had a Burger King crown inside a McDonalds. This made my mind stop and think about these two contradicting places; causing me to be drawn into the role play at a slower pace. Overall, it was a brilliant work. Good job.

Titus

The promo was short, but it didn’t try to fill up the spaces with useless information. I like that the role play was a cut-throat call out, but I don’t know if it will win you the match against your opponent. Being a new person in this fed, it was cool to see your WZCW career captured in a single paragraph, but it held no real value to me; it was like looking at trophies through a glass case.

Johnny Scumm

I like the idea of having a title, because it acts as a teaser for the work. So, when I read through the role play and the reference to the title was a single sentence at the end; I was disappointed. The story progression in the role play was fair, but the writing felt choppy, which distracted me from being “bought in” into the role play. Make sure you re-read your work and polish it up. A consistent flow was your biggest problem, because I would have been a lot more interested in Johnny Scumm’s character if I weren’t hitting speed bumps along the ride.
 
Ricky Runn
The writing in the past tense is a bit weird. You’d be better off writing in the present tense, to be honest. However, you put over the character well as a daredevil and I enjoyed reading it. It obviously looks better without the yellow text, too.

Ewan Kampa
My main problem? Nothing really happened. Don’t get me wrong, I really like the idea of having an RP around moving to WZCW but it felt a bit schmaltzy. Is that the right word? It felt too nice and certainly lacking in attitude. However, I liked the way you managed to have an interview without actually having an interview. That was cool.

Showtime Cougar
First let’s look at the tag RP. It’s nice to see not just someone talking about the other wrestlers, but also interacting with them. Plus, the affairs bit really made me laugh. I really, really enjoyed it. The one for the match vs. Blade certainly felt different. Cougar is such a good character that I can just read him talk for quite a while and not get bored. Which is lucky for you because that RP was long. Also the interaction with Allen was very enjoyable.

Titus
The thing I love about Titus RPs are the little references you put in. I’m sure there are more than what meets the eye, but the ones I got were cool. The tag RP was more my kind of thing. I like RP’s which aren’t particularly serious, but that’s obviously just personal preference. The singles one was more serious, but a nice change to other Titus RPs I’ve seen. Still, I really like the “I’ve heard legends” line. I’m a fan of repetition as a literary device. Overall, two strong role plays.

Sam Masters
First, the tag RP. The poker thing was cliched, but it really did work and made for an enjoyable read. Well written, it’s both descriptive and substantial in terms of character development. I enjoyed it. On to the singles one, which was also good. It had description, story development and character development in equal measure. It was a bit long though. But this was a heel turn RP, right? So it’s definitely forgivable.

Alex Bowen
I felt a slight bit of genericism, I'm afraid to say. But there's not enough to hold it back. It definitely picked up in the second half when Bowen was talking about Saxton. However, it didn’t jump off the page like I think good RPs should.

Steven Holmes
You brought out the similarities between Constantine and Holmes which made them feel like a real tag team, even if it’s for only one match. The descriptive elements of the RP were well done and I feel that I “get” Holmes. I can imagine what the room looks like and I can imagine how he talks. Very good.

Ale
Simple. Simple, but I like it. I liked the repetition in saying Ty’s name. Like I said with Titus, I like repetition like that. It’s affective. Effective? I don’t know. Anyway, this was a good RP. You hit the key points of addressing what happened last week and what will happen. My only problem is a lack of character development, but I guess that will come in time.

This is my first feedback post. So if it sucks, I do apologise. I’ll try to get better.
 
Alex Bowen- Well done Phatso! I loved the defiance that Bowen showed and you flashed a good sense of humor with the preacher bit. The idea was a little over the top, but hell, if Raven was standing outside a WWE Houseshow with a sandwich board on and a megaphone, I'd imagine a few hundred people would be crowded around him to hear what he had to say.

My favorite part, though, was that your personality shone through in this RP, and that's some good stuff brother.
 
Ale

Dude, this was a great improvement in your role play writing. You put in a little more depth than your previous ones, and had good continuation in your work. The key things that you need to work on now is how you word certain things, and stretching your imagination in storylines. It was still pretty basic, but you showed some good character development, and I’m glad that you took some of the advice that others have given you. Good job, continue to get better.

Ricky Runn

Good role play mate. I’m enjoying the wacky antics brought on by Ricky’s playboy persona. I’m still finding issues with the usage of tenses and random spelling and grammar errors. These really hinder the ability of the reader being able to get immersed into the story. It’s like hitting pot holes on a road. I really like how you and Saboteur put this one together. You guys really meshed each other’s styles. Great team effort, but it needs some polishing.
 
Skinner- You had a lot of good to go with a bit of bad, so let's make a delicious compliment sandwich.

It was very funny, and I especially liked the Starbucks part, it was clever and witty.

It was too segmented, especially at the beginning. I know you had to do that for when he was driving around town looking for Black Dragon, but at the beginning you had a scene where all he did was call someone and drive away. I feel like he could have whipped out his cell phone after he talked to Myles and accomplished that in the locker room. I feel like you had a vision in your head, and while that might have been good, it didn't come across in the RP.

Your dialog was great. It has a very realistic tone and feel to it but it doesn't sacrifice humor either. Skinner and Leon seem to have a pendulum relationship in that sometimes Skinner is kind and appreciative of Leon, and sometimes he has nothing but contempt for him, and the dialog not only reflects that well but also makes full use of this comedic device.
 
Austin Reynolds - I liked this RP rather much considering the fact that you knew Kravinoff would not RP this week. You sold the injuries from Ty very well, and you addressed Ty very well as the segment with Myles was very well done. I like how The Ratings Winner isn't doing it for the ratings this time but instead doing it for all the people that hate the mind tricks played by Ty. You showed great respect for Ty, as you should, since he hasn't lone in a very long time. I wish you would've spent a little more time on Kravinoff, but since you knew he wasn't RPing it made sense to focus more on Ty and the world title.

Well done.
 
Titus - Ahh the simple interview. Sometimes it is just the perfect route to go as it was here against Sean Cruz. I like the fact that you address Baez, and say that you we're not screwed over in that match last week, and that you are supposed to be prepared for anything. As a face, you said all the right things there. We all know Titus is the better man then Sean Cruz (no disrespect to Cruz), and I love how Titus will not count out Cruz because he knows nothing about him, and has never really interacted before with Cruz. You make him out to be a legitimate threat and in an face interview, you are supposed to do that. For such a simple interview, you covered Red Mask, Baez, Cruz, and the future. So past, present, and future, and that is what you need (as you put it as well). Well done.
 
Titus

I like the use of colors for the name change dealy, I chuckled. I love that you put Cruz over here. I'm a big fan of him and a rub from Titus is a big deal. Solid and simple RP that worked well with the match and Baez storyline.

Sean Cruz

Super Smash Bros. reference FTW. I like the idea that losing Armando is taking it's toll on Cruz. The Titus letter was a nice touch and seemed like something he would do. Works well with Titus' RP as too. You always have good dialogue and descriptions that show your personality, which is always a good thing. I think as you move up the card, I would expect a little more from your RPs though. You have a different character that you have a firm grasp on and your dialogue comes off as natural. I likded but would give Titus the win barring a Baez interference.

Baez

I have to be honest and say I didn't really like this RP, it just never clicked. The intro and beginning were good but after that the dialogue and comedy kind of seemed forced. Your capable of better RPs, sorry. I did laugh at the "his people" line though.

Action Saxton

Wrestlezone and Chris Cash deliver the finest reporting around, nice to see them getting their props. "Impressively, she completely fails to rip off all her clothes in a fit of passion" I legit lol'd at this. Very funny and entertaining RP as usual. The announcement of the announcement and the Black Spider-Man thing was were awesome. Loved it.

Everest

Really good RP as usual. I liked that he doesn't like to be called a "veteran" when he isn't really that old, he's in his prime as you say, shows you still have more to prove. "The Legacy of WZCW" is a great moniker and I hope it sticks. Nothing bad to say, great stuff. Good back and forth with Becky and Everest, even the formatting was perfect lol.

Baller

I love the current story line you're in. The fact that he's "beaten" Ricky twice has gone to his head and bolstered his confidence and ego tenfold, almost to the point where I believe he might actually be able to win. It was very well written and it showed that you are really enjoying your current story line. Good stuff.
 
Toyota

This RP was really entertaining. From beginning to end it was very funny, the imagery was great. I like that he thinks Barbosa is beyond saving, possibly hinting towards a more serious Toyota during this feud.

Constantine

Constantine's mindset that the Elite X Title needs him is a interesting aspect to take. With Winters' reign ending the way it did and Sam Smith on vacation, the Elite X has lost it's luster a little. The belt needs a bigger and more credible name to bring back the glory, so to speak. There was a strong hint of the shoot Coco did and what you said. Add in a little mix of the Punk/Vince interactions and it worked very well and fit the current situation and Constantine's character perfectly to me. Enjoyed the RP, great work.

Masters

You should have broken up the paragraph in the beginning. It was awfully long and just looked unappealing. Something that could have easily been fixed by splitting into two or three separate paragraphs, would have given it a better flow. The paragraph itself was quite funny and reminded me of Professor Chaos from South Park. I would have liked you to put your partner over a little. Even if you know he's not going to RP, talking trash about him won't help you win the match and shows poor teamwork. It was a decent RP; you went over your matches and opponents well. I think you should shy away from the comedy for the sake of comedy style RPs. Comedy RPs can be great, but if they don't fit the character and situation they usually don't work. You do show a lot of promise.

Ricky Runn

The party/dare-devil thing works well, for now. It establishes how you want your character to be perceived and who he is. It's alright for the first few matches, you'll need to step it up and change it up as time goes on. You did show great teamwork with Saboteur. You seem to understand his character which is a big part of being in a tag team. Good RP overall though as you went over all the important aspects you needed to.

Saboteur

Awesome RP. Really funny and your personality came through. Like I said about Ricky, you showed great teamwork. You understand his character and he gets yours, they also mesh together really good and seem to have some chemistry. I noticed you did a lot of research on your opponents. This fits your character and made going over your opponents more believable and better overall. Dancing, comedy, went over everything. Awesome RP, great job.

Skinner

I had fun reading it and I could tell you had fun writing it. That's something that gets lost from time to time, this is about having fun. It entertained me and I was into it the whole time reading it. Not much else to say, I liked it.

Black Dragon

Just like your wrestling posts, I came out of it feeling smarter and dumber at the same time. It's always so well written and has an intelligence to it that I don't have whatsoever lol. I always feel like Dragon has something bigger at work than his current matches. That makes the situation with Skinner a little funnier. You have this grand plot to accomplish and he's no more than a mosquito to you. On the other hand, the only thing he's focused on is you really. As always great work. You're in my fav 5.

Shabba

Decent RP. The Burger King scene was pretty funny, reminded me of "Coming To America" for some reason. You have a really good character and you show that you understand and know what you want to do with him. That shows in this RP and your others. Good dialogue, fun RP and situation. I will say when it comes to guys Big Dave and guys at his level, it's never a good thing to make it seem like your character is writing him off or overlooking him. That will bite you in the ass.

Reynolds

You always manage to tell a great story. Your use of your secondary characters and interviewers is probably the best I've seen around here. They're as much a part of WZCW and your RPs as Reynolds is. I like that he is tired of "external forces" always coming into play. It seems like most of the matches lately have had some type of interference in them. I thought this was a great RP and I don't have any complaints. Considering what's been going on and knowing your opponent won't RP, it's pretty impressive you pulled out an RP this good.

Ale

You have the blessing of having a character whose shear size makes him a threat to anyone, no matter what. It can also be a curse in that it could lead to a bit of laziness, fortunately I haven't seen that yet and I don't think I will. It was good and you covered everything you need to with good writing. But I will say; I felt like you let your matches do most of the work for you for this RP.

Hammond

I like that he's a little lost without Toyota, it shows how great a tag team the BiA were. He's letting that and Blade get to him a little but George's encourage and his own confidence in himself shows he has more to offer and much to prove. Solid RP, looking forward to seeing where you go from here.

Bowen

The megaphone at the house show was a great idea and you pulled it off fantastically. You always deliver amazing promos, it baffles me how you do it sometimes. I like the inclusion of Austin, it gave Bowen a little more to fight for and to think about heading into arguably his biggest match. This RP showed why you're a champion, your dialogue is always top notch as are your descriptions and your character is so likable and easy to root for. He knows Ty is the big dog 'round here but is going into the match without a shred of fear and ready to push Ty to his limits. Really good RP, should be an awesome match.

Stan Rogers

I'm a fan of your character and can't wait to feud with you. I like that even though Stan is the manliest of manliest,, Showtime's mistreatment of him kind of hurt his feelings. So much so that he's questioning wanting to be in a Tag Team with him. It was a good RP and made me interested in seeing where this "beef" with Showtime goes.
 
Ricky Runn:

- I really doubt fine print is needed for the "interveners".

- To be honest, this doesn't sound like Johnny Klamor for the most part. You may wanna look around to see how he's mostly used.

+ You definitively play the party boy role well and it shows in how the character speaks.

+ This thing is spliced as 2 RP's isn't it? Nice trick.

- In the second part, you should point out what color corresponds to what character.

* Too many references. Don't know if that's good or not.

* Half of this RP was done by JGlass. JGlass also did his own RP. The idea is a good one, but his RP should have featured the same thing and split that work in half. Whether he wrote the second part of this one or just gave it thumbs up, it seems more like he did more work than you. Assistance is good. Overdoing it doesn't seem right. The reason is I see more of Saboteur in the RP than I do Ricky Runn. He's your partner, but it's still your RP. I don't like it, but I won't dismiss it. Others might think it's a good move.

JGlass/Saboteur:

+ The first part is definitively amusing. All you needed was a chair to dance on, and you'd be an LA Park parody there.

+ Sonic reference.

- The show is "Ascension". Not "Accension".

+ I liked it. Great interaction, comical and such. Saboteur reminds me of my character a bit dating back to last year.

Simplehero/Sam Masters:

+ That's one funny opening paragraph.

- Not a good idea to dismiss your partner. You kinda need him if the idea is to win.

- After the first paragraph, this got kinda generic.

+ It's an OK promo. The character has some good flow and it shows in the RP, but the pace in it goes from funny to serious to a bit serious. You may wanna keep whole RP's in one simple mood later on.

Johnny Scumm

Oh. No wonder he never answered the phone.


Stan Rogers/Seth:

+ "Stantime" *giggles*

+ I don't really know if a cranky old guy would work in wrestling, but it is quite funny.

- Strain in a tag team, temporary or not, isn't something I'm too popular with. But you're with Showtime, he must know what he's doing.

Showtime:

+ So that's where all the old WZCW talent ended up.

+ The more "crazy" Showtime oozes an unbelievable arrogance.

- Given your spot on the roster, it should feel normal for Show to look down on other wrestlers. For some reason though, I feel it isn't all that right.



Who the hell am I kidding. Neither opponent showed.
 
Saboteur - I really liked this. It describes your character well, which is important this early in your "career", and it shows some good chemistry between you and your partner. I like your use of setting/background, instead of counting strictly on dialogue.

Dr. Alzhared - While I liked Saboteur's setting and background, I loved your use of dialogue. It furthers the story behind the tag belts, sets you up for the next match, and leaves lots for the future (which most people don't think about).
 
Sam Masters
I thought the strongest part of your RP was the start. It was easy for me to picture the scene of Masters skipping down the street, and how you could tell it was purely sarcastic. The quotes before all your RP's always seem to match and set the overall tone and keeps the direction for the RP. It sucks that your partner no-showed and such a good RP is gonna be wasted but if you keep it up you should be getting more wins soon.

Baez
One of your shorter RP's, but overall it was a good read. The dialog wasn't colored but I remember you posted something that it glitched or something right? Anyway, the dialog shows that he is upset with being a fan favorite and is aggravated when people expect him to be. But the one thing you didn't really talk much about was Action Saxton. Granted you displayed Baez angst against Titus very well but it needed more Action Saxton in it.

Dr. Alhazred
You've just made any future tag teams lose any desire in taking your belt. And not in a bad way. I mean, who wants to hold onto the stank, gross old belt Dr. Alhazred seems to idolize. And you also displayed that no one is giving proper attention to the tag team division and that helps seeing that Dr. Alhazred is half of the tag champs.
 
Dr. Alhazred

First of all, let me tell you that this is coming from someone who has never read your role plays before. I read this one just for fun, and I was intrigued. It flowed well and the theme served its purpose. A therapy session is a generic theme, but you did it in a way that kept it refreshing. This role play definitely made me want to read more and I think it is a good build going into your Tag Team Title match next round. I do not want to leave you without any constructive criticism, but there wasn’t much to point out in this one. One thing in particular is the lack of addressing your opponent this week. I know that the tag titles are the hottest topics on your mind, and I feel Alhazred’s mental frustration, but I think your role play should have granted more than a few sentences to Dr. Kurtsey. It was a tough cookie in this aspect, and I think you could make cases for including him more or less.

Wasabi Toyota

Interesting role play with a silly story line. You can’t help but smile at the thought of a large sumo wrestler being interrupted from his bath in a lake. The scene is just silly, and I love it. You used Stacey well in moving the role play along. Her bluntness was the air-freshener to the text. There were a few spelling and grammar errors, but nothing that was catastrophic. It’s a coin toss for me. The match has two good role plays, and I believe it’s going to come down to creative’s preference.

Mr. Baller

I loved seeing Baller’s cockiness in this role play. You know you are doing a good job when you are drawing heat from people reading your role play. I want to see Ricky beat you so bad! Haha. It was a good piece of work and a solid effort. The analogy with the hills is a good illustration, but I felt like it was a little rushed. It could have gone more in-depth without being over the top. Good job overall though.

Jack Skinner

Great usage of multiple scenes to take cracks at Dragon, but I felt like they were too short to really soak in. The way you transition scenes is weird and seems a bit lazy to me. It does not make the story flow it’s like, “story story story story STOP story story story story STOP story story story.” Get what I mean? There were a few grammar errors, but nothing that can’t be fixed with a simple check.

Constantine

Very engaging! It was well written for the most part, and I liked the vibe that the role play gave off. I’m still unsure on how I feel about Wasabi getting a tail-end paragraph considering he is your next opponent. You used “you’re” and “you are;” I would suggest picking one to use consistently. It’s poor grammar to go back and forth between the usages of conjunctions.
 
Constantine:

Here's the thing, this RP works if you're planning to go through with this new direction, then it works. You have to keep Constantine going as the guy who thinks he's telling it like it is but is really bullshitting. Like an R-Truth or Christian type thing. If you keep Constantine going in that direction, then I would consider the RP a success. This would be a good way to build the foundation for some new depth to your character But if this is just a one time thing for Constantine, then I'd consider it disappointing, simply because it's not what Constantine is like as a character, and if you don't follow it up and try to develop it, then it's all a bit pointless and too un-Constantine-like. I know this feedback is about your RP in a very general, somewhat vague way, but that's cause I don't have anything to talk specifically about from your RP. Like I said, the future will determine whether or not this RP was a good idea.


Baez:

I really enjoyed the back and forth with Stacey, even if it did go on maybe a little too long. It shows Baez has some good wit. You put across Baez's irritation and lostness well, as well as the petty envy that Toyota is currently in the midst of his clichéd 'split tag team member push'. Admitting Wasabi has done nothing to you while still promising to kick his ass adds some badassery to your character. Just a few negative points. Some formatting and grammar errors, but that happens to all of us. I also thought it could've been longer. Maybe Baez doesn't have much to say right now, but I was hoping for a bit more. The end seemed to come a bit abruptly. But still a solid RP.
 
Lee/Titus:

+ Dug the accent/color change thing. Nice touch.

+ You come across as quite the uber-face here praising your opponent and even hyping him up.

- This was a tad too short.

Sean Cruz/Hawkeye:

- That letter Titus sent you had a lot of errors. It said "Now that Armando is around it's time to cultivate that potential." I scratched my head for a bit on that one.

* Irrelevant to the feedback, but I have yet to face Titus myself.

+ The wrestlers and their intake are a very nice touch.

+ Great. Now I'm wondering how far I'll have to go to beat him.

+ This looks more like for adventure anime than a wrestling promo. But given it's a young guy being handpicked to face a legend, it kinda fits well.

+ Great, great job on this. It's a tad short, but well done enough for an Ascension/Meltdown RP. Work on the grammar though. It even misinterprets the information. That can be a bit of an issue.

Phatso/Bowen:

* Forgive me, but I don't have the slightest idea what a sandwich board is.

+ A priest siding with a former juggalo turned punk-emo hybrid to battle an occultist fanatic?! :wtf: And THEY SQUARE DANCE!! Only in wrestling. No, really. Just watch Nacho Libre and the real life version of the guy. Tis a weird world.

* I feel parallels to the Punk/Cena deal. It's different enough to ignore though.

+ Austin's involved. Really helped the ongoing story.

+ Very solid. Good luck.

Ty Burna:

+ Damn extravagant details. They always get to me.

+ :undertaker2:

+ This kinda looks like one of those ridiculous damsel in distress TV cliches near the end doesn't it? I was picturing Donkey Kong talking in an ominous voice with a shiny belt draped on his shoulder. I guess that makes Austin Mario and his wife that chick that never really got a name, huh? I hope you take this as a compliment. I got no real comments on this. Too solid.
 
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Dr. Alhazred

I loved this, it would probably be better suited to your actual tag team titale match at Apocalypse as it seemed the Kurtesy part was just thrown in for good measure. Nothing more to add to this aside from a mild over use of saying charcaters names.

Mr Baller


I'm loving this gimmick, since you first appeared your gimmick has been one that should have been fun, a one where you love doing it. Instead you went the serious route but you can see the huge jump in quality since you've decided to have fun with it.

The cockiness with Baller is hilarious as there's so much potential, you can use this gimmick to jump to the next level. I didn't like the basketball bit as it seemed a needless analogy but aside from that it was a truly great RP.
 

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