RP Feedback Thread

[Da Prophet]

Meltdown 55: Big Dave vs Constantine

Big Dave: Congratulations on winning KFAD. I really liked this RP, the idea around it was really well done. You used another side of wrestling, that being the behind the scenes. Having Dave not be jumping at the chance of pretending to be a real king sets him apart from others. I liked how you said that having the title shot is worth more than being a king. Making the title shot seem that much more important. This RP was really well done and having such a strong opponent in Dave you sure did pull something great out.

Constantine: I thought the idea was cool, something different than the normal RP. It is always good to try new things but I'm on the edge about this RP. The different options, picking what Constantine did. It's a nice idea, however coming off a PPV I think you should have just stuck with what you normally do. Constantine really should of had one mind set about the PPV, and picking what he thought just didn't work.

Winner: I'll be picking Big Dave to win this match. After winning KFAD at Kingdom Come a solid win against Constantine will do him the world of good.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Armando Paradyse: Not bad. You gave a little bit of back story to your team here, how they formed and how you came up with the name. You used the characters well and the story moved along well. There wasn't that much here though, aside from the two things I mentioned, nothing really happened in this RP. No real character development or even talk about the tag team division.

James King: I have to agree with a prior assessment here and say I'm not a fan of the initials being used instead of the names. The colours were also similar and kinda hard to read. I like how you used the father here. He's showing some concern for his son but also offering advice. Well thought out in terms of the content, but the formatting could use some work.

Austin Reynolds: Not a fan of the font. I think you're really good at using Reynolds as a fan favourite and have a load of ideas that make your character work. You really do seem to want to engage the rest of the WZCW community with the Reynolds character. Not sure we needed the first part with Reynolds in the hospital as it was all really summed up in the second part.

Titus: Liked this one a lot. The idea of Keith Fitt essentially poking fun at the RP system was fun and lord knows Kitchens Direct are freaking annoying. Liked that you mentioned all the various other RP ideas and even through one of your own in there. I also liked how you brought it back to the five cards. Not sure I'd agree with the Cougar statement as Titus was almost a mentor like character to Cougar so I'd think there would be something there. Anyway, great job.

Wasabi Toyota: Good usage of Klamor for the most part, though I'm not quite sure why he has a cowbell and not a whistle or ring bell or something. Very odd. Speech on Crashin was solid talking him up as the devious leader of the Movement. Thought you could've hinted towards a little bit more of as problem emerging for the BiA in Forgotten Powers being a different sort of foe to the Crashin Movement. Overall, solid stuff.

Phoenix: Holy short RP Batman! Despite it's length this one did it's job. You got straight to the point as only these RP's do. You used credible points to talk down Bomb and also brought up good arguments between you and Winters. I felt you should have addressed how you felt about Winters' turn a bit more but otherwise solid stuff.

Action Saxton: Much like Reynolds, good use of the WZCW community for this one. You didn't take my idea... Nice idea with the t-shirt and as always, very entertaining. Ricky Martin...was just really an odd choice. Not sure I dug that as much as the rest of your RP. This continued the biggest problem Saxton has though which is there's nothing here about Winters when you could really have used him well here.

 

[Lee]

Saxton
My three annoyances were as follows:
1) You mentioned Winters on your twitter but not here. I think if that was added in it may of made the RP better as your twitter is not marked on matches.
2) I would have preferred if you called Ricky Martin Micky Rartin or something.
3) Old Spice commercial parodies are done to death.

That was me nitpicking however. I loved the RP, quality and fun. You can tell you're enjoying this character a hell of a lot more than you enjoyed Karzai.

Steven Holmes

I am so glad you're not teaming with Crashin now. You're better than that. This was brilliant, the way I do RPs myself. You went over what happened, you developed Holmes, you bigged up your partner and had a level of respect for your opponent whilst still keeping the focus on yourself. All whilst keeping it in a very simple interview RP...Great work, nothing to add really.

 

[The Crock]

Lee (Titus): Well, this was quite good. It was good for some laughs, some serious moments, and then some mystery as well. It's always nice to end the RP with something a little different, keeps the reader intrigued and interested for your next RP. You also used Keith very well. You used him as a buffer for Titus, somebody to work off of, it provides for a nice change of pace. That being said, I do have one, albeit minor, gripe. Your transition from the humorous part to Titus suddenly being serious wasn't as smooth as it could have been. It seemed a tad bit forced, I guess. A few more lines tossed in between showing Titus get more and more serious would have been better. That being said, it is a minor problem in a nice RP, great job!

Thriller (Phoenix): Nice and short here, quick, fun read. You kept yourself firmly in a "feud" with Winters, while also focusing on your opponent. The intensity, the recap of Kingdom Come III, it all fit together. My only suggestion would be having a few more pauses, even if it is this short, cut up the reading into smaller pieces. Toss in a few more movements from Phoenix, just a bit more of a description. I did enjoy it though, nicely done.

Doc (Action Saxton): Nice description to start, immediately excites the reader for what is about to come. Very funny throughout the RP, as usual. I love how seemingly cheesy it all is, it's awesome. I marked out for Ricky Martin, he's one bad "motha sucka." Now, I know Saxton is a funny character, but every once in a while you might wanna throw in him actually talking about his opponent for an extended bit. Other than that, just keep on doin' your thing, it's quite good.

soldiermysterio (James King): You're growing into your role here in WZCW very quickly and doing a damn good job of it. Very happy to see the progress of the Forgotten Powers. Good thought using your father in the RP, nice and laid back. I like the relationship you've established between the Kings, I also enjoyed your use of Alhazred in a minor role. It was a nice read.

Baller (Mr. Baller): That Sam Smith guy, must be pretty damn good. Alright, the RP itself was nice. The frustration, the anger, it all leads to Baller being more motivated than ever, and he'll need it in this match against Showtime. You called your coach to get back on track, I like the idea. The ending was nice and symbolic with Baller finally draining the shot, that kind of stuff is always nice. You do need to work on some things, for one I'm a stickler when it comes to spelling and grammar and you'll need to separate "you're" from "your." Nevertheless, fine job.

FunKay (Steven Holmes): Solid RP here. You cover all the bases, from being a future champion to getting rid of Crashin', you do it all in this one. Your use of Leon Kensworth is nice, he's probably the only interviewer I could have seen you use in this RP. I enjoyed how you talked about Kravinosa Barbinoff. With one simple sentence you made their team look like a minor ripple in the water in comparison to Kurtesy and Holmes. The only problem with the RP is that it drags on at times and gets a bit monotonous, but that was only for a moment. It was a nice job.

Dave (John Constantine): First off, this idea was fucking awesome. You could actually choose the route you'd go with Constantine, we as readers could do what we thought was best, brilliant. I went with the "mega-heel" route at first, although I read it all the way through anyway. You also did a great job talking about Austin Reynolds and Big Dave. This was one of my favorite RPs of the round, if not only because of the idea. I can actually see you winning this match, as the RP was quite impressive and you obviously put some hard work into it. Nicely done.

Showtime (Showtime David Cougar): Damn fine job. You start off right where Kingdom Come III left off, good idea. Showtime seems angry, but resistant too. You furthered your issues with Ty, while then also totally tearing down Baller. I like the idea of being on a basketball court and Showtime seemingly being a bit delusional, certainly an interesting story to follow weekly. The RP just keeps getting more exciting and more bizarre as I go along. It was an awesome job, I don't see you losing this week, not even close. That was a stellar read.

Killjoy (Baez): Your formatting is interesting as usual, not exactly easy on the eyes, but it does separate you from the pack, so that's nice. This isn't the first time I've seen you use a kid in your RP, you seem to work well with them as supporting characters. Baez actually seems to be slightly childish, it's pretty good. I enjoy the cheesiness of the ending, quite nice. It was actually relatively quick and short, but it seemed bigger because of the font. It was solid, a definite change from Blade's RP, an interesting combination as a team. Good job.

Rox (Sean Cruz): Your font colors are extremely irritating, you might want to use something a bit easier on the eyes. It's an interesting setting, I don't think I've ever seen that before. Nice little DK Wilton cameo, same as Doug Crashin', even if it is completely against their characters, it was funny. You're relying on the gay/straight thing a little too much, good for some cheap laughs, but your entire RP shouldn't be based on it. It was good enough, you're improving.

 

[The Crock]

Numbers (Austin Reynolds): Interesting idea here, kicking off with a magazine excerpt, then eventually leading to the Q and A session. I liked new font, it was easy on the eyes, not too distracting. You managed to fit quite a bit of information into the RP, you covered quite a few different topics, I didn't see any issues with it. This was an awesome RP, I'm sure it's one of the best this week. It could be a winner, but I'm not sure. It's up in the air for me, either way, it ought to be a tough match-up between you and Ty. Very nice job.

Ty Burna: First off, nice use of Gordito and the Sludge Pit. Nice to get a different setting every once in a while. It was a nice, friendly banter between yourself and Gordito, you delved a little deeper into his loss, giving the reader some insight there. The ending, after you met with Serafina and after that, was absolutely amazing. Even if the paragraphs were bigger, not the conventional idea for an RP, but yours flowed so well that it made for an interesting read. The descriptiveness, the intensity, everything, so good.

General Disarray (Wasabi Toyota): This character might be my favorite member of the WZCW roster. You're in tune with where he needs to be, what he needs to do, everything just clicks when you're writing as Toyota. Good use of Klamour, I'm not sure anybody uses him as well as you do. I laughed throughout the whole thing, but surprisingly enough you get all the fact through using this method. My favorite part though, had to be the ending. Brilliant.

 

[The Crock]

Michael Winters: For you first heel RP, this is very good. I liked the quoted text, it was a nice way to set the scene. You really established Winters as a heel pretty well here. Nice job using Kensworth getting under Winters' skin as a way for him to get angrier. It was short, a quick RP to go through, but that's not a bad thing. It was quite good, nicely done.

 

[ABMorales787]

Funkay/Steven Holmes:

Aside from one or two grammatical errors (you wrote this when it should've been these) you did a solid job of putting out one last hoorah for the Movement before moving on. Great way to set the stage for a singles career. I liked the straight shooting method of the interview as that's what fit s character like Holmes best. He's not the kind to be up to backstage shenanigans. Solid effort.

Barbosa x4:

Take it well, but when I read it for some reason I was imagining a Three Stooges short. Must be the interacting between the different persona's. The only thing missing was some slapstick. Why do the manic and depressive share the same font color anyway? Other than that, solid as usual.

Kravinoff/Coco:

I'm sure you meant "scorn" and not "score" at the beginning. The whole "they're racist because I'm African" was hilarious. And the end really made the RP come off with humor even though it carried great seriousness in it. Great, Barbosa's RP had me imagining the Three Stooges, now I have Pinky and The Brain in the head. In case you're wondering what my rambling is about, great RP.

FalKon/Kurtesy:

I think you have an issue which as weird as it sounds, is not your own fault. See all the other RP's go straight to talking about the wrestling. Barbosa started recapping KC, Coco picked up where he left off and Funkay started off with an interview. But you were giving character development when the RP began. The Steel Cage comes to play early, yeah. but wrestling itself doesn't. I'm not saying it's wrong, it's just that because you didn't take the direct approach like everyone else in that particular thread, it makes you stick out and it makes the RP seem to drag a bit. Other than that, solid job. I am starting to notice that pattern of you losing Cage matches.

 

[ABMorales787]

Action Saxton/Doc:

Um... What was Action Saxton doing with a 7 year old Ricky Martin in Rio De Janeiro? Not to mention omitting Michael Winters for almost the entire thing. I don't think a random factory worker wishing you luck is gonna really help.

M. Winters:


A corrupt wrestling priest sounds like something off a cartoon. Probably Ultimate Muscle. But you pulled off the heel turn excellently. You really knew what to say to sound like an evil Christian. But just like with Doc, no focus on the enemy. That hurts.

Prophet/Justin Cooper:

You should fix the formatting. The narrative and dialog should be just as noticeable. The narrative stuck out waaay too much and made the dialog hard to read. And the choice of color didn't help. Dark vs light in a coloring contest, dark wins and sucks out the light. I could hardly read it.

Sam Smith/Crock:



Sums it up quite nicely, I believe. I can't really find any flaws, so I'll pencil this as a hit.

 

[The Crock]

Blade: Very enjoyable beginning, kicking off right after Kingdom Come III. Nice back and forth with Becky, you used her to bounce Blade's maniacal attitude off of, it paced the RP nicely. The ending was good, throwing a wrench in there by talking about Rush recovering. It gives you a possible direction, a place to take your character, gives the reader a reason to read your RP next week. Nicely done, very enjoyable read, and a good change of style from Killjoy's RP.

 

[Find'er Woo'er Ryder]

KillJoy:

I didn't like it at all. Seemed like it was rushed. I'm not really one to speak but no action at all really. You just talked to the kid. One thing I liked is that you also dissed you're partner. You're too badass for a tag team partner and basically it screamed "I can take Gordito and Beckford without any help". Ryder's rating: 5/10.

Prophet:

Emoitional RP. You will go a long way here if you stay. I liked how you fit in Bowen and and Smith in you're RP. I think you have what it takes to take the Mayhem Championship from the reigning champ. I didn't like how you kept saying you're actions with what Cooper was saying. It was like he'd say it, then the action would repeat it. It was just kind of annoying. Ryder's rating 7/10

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Sam Smith: Coach?
[YOUTUBE]PJEIdJTz-A4&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]

Anyway, I thought this was a good RP. You brought it back to your roots, discussing just what it is that motivates you. It was a tad clichéd, but what does that matter, we got to know more about Smith and it helped me understand the character a bit more. My biggest criticism has to be the fact that very little was talked about Justin Cooper. This guy's a formidable opponent so I'd have expected more from you when it came to him.

Brad Bomb: I think you start off by letting yourself get away with Leon's first question. There can be no doubt that Winters has pinned you three times. Perhaps you should've talked about how it was time for a change of pace for you and focus on earning your spot against Winters. You covered most of the bases well talking about future foes and current threats. Overall not bad.

Dr. Alhazerd: The initials thing isn't good. It just doesn't do it for me. Interesting to see King's character taking the reins a little more with this team. It's been a bit more about Alhazerd & Mister recently so it was fun to see the King's be a bit more involved and help Alhazerd more. You split this RP up well addressing the BiA situation first and then your match with Paradyse Cruz. Overall some solid stuff here.

Sean Cruz: I found the Wilton/Crashin joke funny. It's odd actually, but you and Paradyse seem to write your own characters as the 'brains' of the team while the other is learning from your character. Not sure if that was supposed to come across like that but that's something I noticed. There are some good laughs here, and this team should be interesting competing with the likes of BiA and the Powers.

Michael Winters: I think everyone's done this before, but you should probably brush up on Leon's history as he was kidnapped by Vengeance at one point, and showed balls then so not sure if he'd be that scared of you. Also, no talk about Saxton. Anyway, onto the positives and this was written very well when it came to Winters. This was the first heel RP and as such this needed to be more aggressive, more raw even and that what came out here. Well done for the most part.

Masked Vigilante: I recently watched Ghost Dog and I could've sworn I saw something like this in that movie. However that works for this type of RP. It flowed together well, defining who this character is heading into this Battle Royal. Did you increase the font size? I suppose it works due to the fact that it's meant to be read as if it's part of a book. Overall some nice work introducing us to the character with a vignette style RP.

 

[gd]

Crock - One of your betteer efforts for sure. I definitely agree with what numbers said, knowing the background makes it that much better. You gave a reason for us to care about and be confident about Smith. Just one line in the flashback missing color, but other than that formatting, spelling and the like were all good. Perhaps a bit more about Cooper could have been used at the end, but I actually think this is a pretty good length. Bottomline - one of your best RPs thus far. I'd be surprised if you didn't get the win and you should provide a decent challenge to Winters if you keep imporving.


FunnyKay - Rock solid as usual. Not flashy but you get the job done. I'm not a fan of the standard interview everyweek by any means, but here and there it is just fine. You've began the transition for Holmes as a face very nicely without coming right out and saying so. The bits on Crashin and Kurtsey were just what you should have said. Formatting and the like is all dandy. Bottomline - Another solid effort, it won't be enough to pick up the win, but I'm not sure any team could beat Kravinosa nowadays, so you should feel name shame in that. You will be making some noise in the midcard in the near future, I'm sure.

HORACE STICKLEFISH - Bah, tough break. You probably should lay off beating up the interviewers though. Or any other random person for that matter. Your opponent can tell you about that. However, even without the incident I don't think you would've won here. At this point I don't have a great grasp on your character and I'm not sure if you do either, which is understandable as it's early and Agony is obviously quite complicated. In this one he felt a little too "human" for me. And the formatting was a bit off at times. I did like how you tore down Jones though, he just tore you down harder. Bottomline - You are still one of my favorite new members of the fed and I have complete confidence you will be making an impact sooner rather than later. The more you write the better you will become, don't let a minor bump in the road derail your torpedo of truth.

 

[The Doctor]

Wasabi Toyota

Awesome. I love how yours and Hammond's characters gel, and you got Ty down well as well. I really dug the humor and the clever use of props and the explanation of how each one related to your opponents. Fantastic idea there that you nailed. I marked out at the picture of Ty.

I will say that at first it was a little hard to remember which character was which as you didn't tag who was Hammond and who was Toyota at the beginning, and I can have a short memory, but it was quickly figured out so it doesn't really count against you.

All in all, a good RP that showed of clever thinking and teamwork. Sorry about the short feedback, but you really didn't do anything wrong in my eyes so there isn't much I can say!

 

[Uncle Phatso]

Allright since Ryder is my Broski and asked for my feedback I'm going to give it to him

First things first broham, Discription is key bro. You start off with Ring Ring, Ring ring. I want you to sell Armando. What is he doing. We know he is there. But what is he wearing. Is he dressed up, or just gotten out of bed. Sell your charicters style man. Funkay and Falcon are great roleplayers. Go take a look at their opening description.

Good talking between you and Sean, it really shows that you want to work with him on being a better team.

Armando let's go of Cruz and he falls down onto his bed.

This, you can work on description very easily this way.

This is perfect the way it is. But you can spice it up. Show me this:

*Armando looks back from the Tv at his tag team partner. Cruz still has wide eyes but has settled down a bit, Armando lets his partner down lightly back on the bed and stands up and backs up into the room.*

Great stuff on focusing on your opponets and how to be a better tag team. You can only get better by watching the better teams Ryder. Bonus points for the MCP's lol.

 

[gd]

nightmare, here you go. Not bad at all for a first, or was this second, effort. A few minor tweaks and you should be good. Grammar needs some work. An error here or there isn't a big deal, but the more mistakes you have the more it distracts from your work. Use spell check and/or have someone read over it before you post.

Also, according to your app you are a face, but this RP came off a bit too heelish for me. Obviously you want to make yourself look good in a RP, but making yourself look too strong by wrist locking a random person into submission, etc is not the way to go. Overall though, not bad. If you just fix a few things up I'm sure you'll get on the main roster sooner rather than later

 

[nightmare]

Funkay-

I definately love your character. Every chance i get to read an RP regarding Holmes it makes me want to see him live in action. This RP was a great way to get the point across of you "shedding" the Crashin Movement & the setting of the barbershop is a great touch to get that done. This is a great jump off point to getting back to your roots, so to speak. Definately a good read & shows great things to come from your character in the coming weeks.



Numbers-

Besides the hiccup in code at the beggining, that was pretty badass. Reynolds' RP's always have a good flow & dont get jumbled in converstaion. Your use of the NP characters was great. Ha, 'mic stand'- classic. I definately like how you mention making Ale relevant to the Network but at the same time, not losing focus of your greater goal. Your last few matches have been a good read & this shows no signs of that goal slowing down.


More FB to come when i get some more time

 

[ABMorales787]

Simplehero/Sam Masters:

I can tell you can go far here. Great, great storytelling. However as an early tip, always remember that you are roleplaying against someone else. Don't ignore your opponent otherwise there is no reason to think you are better than him. By the way, points for Mickie D's.

Gelgarin/Black Dragon

Finally! I'm not the only one with a mask. I dig the occult gimmick. Though it'll take time for me to get to know the character. Far different from mine, that's for sure. You also highlighted Sam pretty well. I don't have much to say, but it's definably a winner in my book.

Numbers/Reynolds:


Them interviewers seem like absolute creeps, heh? Glad people notice that. Gotta give you points for wanting to make a big deal out of what should be a passing match. Fit's your character to wanna spice up something relatively small.

Ale/The Best:

I get it. Your character is a pompous, obnoxious teenager. Original if anything. But there's no real need to place the foul language in so oftenly. I get the character, but for a strange reason, undermining Austin Reynolds like if he was just another jobber doesn't really click for me. Maybe you should have gone more in depth. It would have helped show more of a personality that way.

Showtime:

This is basically a two-in-one. Very nice. The first part continues the relapse story very well. I liked the comparisons for Ty and Austin. Very clever picks with the monkey and bear. As for the second part, I should probably take notes there. I haven't been in good shape with my RP's in a good part sadly. But I have no issues saying your half RP told a better story than most of mine have lately. Not kissing ass here. I'm saying it because that's how I feel. You expressed the faults I've been targeting with Gordito far better than I did.

 

[ABMorales787]

King Shabba/TheKingHustla:

I gotta admit that this one really impressed me for the most part. Shabba is definably an entertaining one. His attitude is pretty unique and fun to read. The Panda Express deal was pretty funny. However, I think after talking about The Agony it dragged for a bit too much.

Horace/The Agony:

I had a bit of an issue figuring who was talking. It's a good idea to color coat names or write who speaks in dialog form to help out. Other than that, it was OK. You got to the point on talking about Shabba and addressed Justin Cooper. But for some reason, it felt like it was missing something. I don't really get the direction of The Agony. Is he a goth wrestler? Some sort of avenger or something? Though it's still pretty early to just say that. Characters develop over time. Good job.

Scott Hammond/Low_Ki:

That's some weird ass doctor. A-OK in my book. Text book team RP with some weird sitcom flavor thrown in.

GD (A.K.A. New Milenko)/Wasabi:

Would I be wrong if I felt like read the script of an episode of My Name Is Earl? Think about it. Scott acts like Earl being the older brother and looking over Wasabi. And Wasabi acts like Randy talking all this crazy stuff that seems irrelevant. Pair of ace RP's here for sure.

Doc/Saxton:

The RP is told from Leon's point of view? I think it's the first time I've seen that. Nice. Though. He did ask about the match. He never got anything close to an answer.

Uncle Phatso/Alex Bowen:


I read this and thought back to last year when I was in the division. Really digging the direction. Intense but loose. Bowen see's his errors and wants to fix them. Always a good direction. But you gotta watch out for the spelling. There's a few errors there that kinda mess up the sentences. Great job non the less.

 

[a0161613]

Bowen: Really good stuff. The intensity screams off the page. I can't tell if you're face or heel but that doesn't bother me with you like it might for others.

I can even overlook the spelling.

Saxton: The perspective is so unique. Really great use of the character and I love everything about it. No excuse for not talking about the match though. You try that in the title match and it may cost you, especially against someone like Bowen who excels in "cutting promos".

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Action Saxton: Very unique RP here. Told from a different point of view and at points incredibly humorous, you really wrote this one wonderfully. Saxton’s a very strange character in that he’s not your typical wrestler, and these RP’s are never typical, and at first I wasn’t too fond of that, but I can see you’re having a ton of fun and who am I to stop you doing that? Overall very good work here.

Sam Smith: From one use of Leon to another. Is that a Macho Man reference? Oh I see the whole thing’s a big tribute. Cool stuff. Nicely done. You focus on Winters pretty well here seeing as he’s your opponent for Redemption, however I think more focus could’ve been on Jones who you’re also feuding with. Other than that, well done.

The Agony: I like how you describe things to start things off. It really sets the scene for the RP and you can get a feeling for the location and characters too. Leon again? What is it with everyone and him this week? I liked that Leon was showing he was proud to be working for WZCW. That was a nice touch. Interesting that you use the potential tag team thing here and address it fully. That’s something different and others may think it didn’t work, but I thought it was fine. King Shabba isn’t mentioned at all which isn’t going to do you any favours; however this is a well written RP.

Austin Reynolds: I loved the fact that you came up with an idea that talked about the interviewers tracking the wrestlers to the oddest locations. I enjoyed how you addressed Ale, you made sure you were serious about facing him but also wanted to show why you’re in the main event at Redemption. That’s good stuff. Right now you’re one of my favourite RPers and this one shows why. Excellent stuff all round and all the bases were covered.

Ale: I get what you were doing at the start, but I just didn’t buy it. Why wouldn’t Ale watch Ascension? It just didn’t seem right to me. Also, just because you throw swear words out doesn’t mean it adds anything. I wasn’t a fan of this overall. It was too stop-start and while it’s good to get some back-story and cover why your here, I think you could’ve structured this better to lead up to that.

Barbosa: I think you’ve really got a grasp of balancing the identities now and your RP’s flow better because of it. You’re also able to do that switch from serious to comedic pretty damn well. This was good for setting up Kravinoff and built some very solid intrigue for just what would happen in that part. I also like how there’s tension between Kravinoff and some personalities.

Kravinoff: Starting off with an old classic heel trick never hurts. I think Barbosa could’ve been used a tad more frequently here. There’s quite a lot of dialogue here, and I think you could separate it a wee bit more, but none-the-less you get your points across very well. This was a good tag team outing with some solid balancing between you two. It would be very interesting to see you two actually make a run into the tag team division.

Big Dave: I wasn’t really buying into the idea that Dave didn’t believe in himself after about a year of being in this fed, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dave show a lack of confidence and I know he’s recently face, but it just didn’t really sit well with me. Everest worked well for what you were doing though and it shows a good alliance between the two. Solid stuff overall but nothing really remarkable.

James King: Much like Agony, good descriptive writing to start off. It’s interesting that both you and Alhazerd (who I’ll get to) both talk about your past, and that’s good for this type of match, but I think there really could’ve been more done to talk about the present and potentially the future, after all you’re getting a tag title shot if you win.

Dr. Alhazerd: Interesting back-story with the power glove being somewhat explained now. There’s something very face about this whole RP from the way you talk about your defeat last week to talking about what’s coming up. I think that’s a good thing here and shows a different side to the team. Excellent stuff all round.

Sean Cruz: The two characters in this team work really well together and I think teaming up was a very smart move. It’s improving your RP’s and it gives you something different to do compared to the rest of the roster. The gay thing’s getting a tad thin I must admit. I liked the Oprah thing. That made me chuckle slightly. This was a fairly decent RP.

Armando Paradyse: Was this...supposed to be before Sean Cruz’s RP? That’s the way it seemed and it was a tad odd to read his RP and then this. Much like your opponents this RP has something about it that screams heel. You’re the sinister playboy types and that works quite well, and better than the gay thing. There’s something very cocky about this whole thing and it turned out pretty well in the end.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Dr. Alhazerd: I actually thought this was really good RP. We focus a lot on the gimmick of Alhazerd with the old microscopic submarine idea. There's also something hilarious about the relationships between Mister, Alhazerd and the King's. I could completely buy that as a TV show. Action Saxton was incredibly funny and well used here. The adventure inside Toyota was also very funny. Overall this was very, very funny and I enjoyed it immensely.

James King: Not bad here. There was a simple idea that worked pretty well and built up the dynamics between the characters quite well. That being said, this wasn't anything really special either. It was okay and that's about it. There was good character progression, but very little was done for me in terms of the match at Redemption outside of the very basic "We're going to win." interview that didn't do anything for me.

Austin Reynolds: Not a fan of the font. Seemed...strange. I wasn't really sure about this one. You've got some really good things here like the back-and-forth with Austin & Dominic, but at the same time, this RP seemed more focused on him than you, and that's not going to get the job done, at least not in my view. I do like how you talked about being the real underdog in this match. That part was particularly good, but overall not your best work and I don't believe you'll be leaving as the new champion.

Constantine: Something told me that you'd be going down this route. Might have something to do with me watching that episode of South Park recently. The mental image of Constantine reading to children was pretty hilarious. I also like how you basically just ignore them. That's a simple yet very effective heel tactic. Perhaps more talk of how you'd reached this point to face off with Titus. Good stuff overall though.

Action Saxton: Interesting RP here. Usually we see Mr. Saxton in some sort of over-the-top action sequence where he's fighting a villain, here we got the complete opposite. Something that was very simple and wasn't really meant to be comedic. Short and to the point. I would've liked to have seen maybe a mention of the tag math last week but otherwise solid stuff.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Titus: Now, I loved this RP. South Park references, Division Blade references, and a hot political debate that parodies (whether it means to or not) a current WWE theme. Funny and inventive, this was a quality RP. There was a slight bit of drama towards the end, taking a serious tone, before lighting it up again. This is your best RP since returning and I expect you (sorry Dave) to be victorious.

Alex Bowen: Interesting RP here. We go into Bowen's backstory, introducing and origin and a wife. That's good character development, but at the same time, I feel it took away from the RP being about the title defence. It seems like the backstory could've been used any time, but you may only defend the title against Saxton once. That being said, it was well written and solid throughout.

Sam Smith: First off, I must admit I'm saddened to see your opponenet didn't RP. Congratulations could be in order, but that could be premature. Good to see you reusing the brother character. Nice development here, giving us a bit more insight to Smith's past and at the same time demonstrating a good relationship between yourself and the brother. I feel you needed to focus on Winters more though and should've talked more about Redemption.

Hunter Kravinoff: There was a good story told here throughout. You deal with Kravinoff losing Freud, but also use that subject to talk about how you'll take down Dave, make the feud between you two seem very important and extend your gimmick (I'm of course referring to the bear section). This was a very good RP overall and some of your finest work. I think there could've been more focus on the PPV name, though that may have been a tad clichéd.

Ale: Bright green is not a good font colour. I liked how you addressed the fan that through the water bottle. That was solid. The concept here is good. You have a theme for the RP with the scavenger hunt. It's different and I enjoyed it. At the same time I'm not sure what to make of the relationship between Ale and his father. They seem to sort of like each other, but not really. I don't think your writing made it clear as to what the relationship is like. Not bad, but not as good as some of the other RP's in this match.

 

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

Constantine

Constantine is definitely one of my favorite characters here and your RPs are always amazing reads, I never miss them. The story at the beginning was very well written and was a great way to convey what Constantine is feeling and who he is becoming. The first paragraph of dialogue there was a lot of desperation in his words. His recent losses have gotten to him and he knows he's better than that. He seems desperate to gain the admiration of the fans as well, almost like he wants to be a face but does so in a heel way. Overall a very good RP that outlined Constantine's feelings toward Titus and the match exceptionally. It also had the Redemption them without being forced or done in an expected manner.

Holmes

Really solid heel work here all around. Holmes always gives great heel promos that work really well with and highlight his "Elite" and royalty gimmick. That's something you excel at, working with your gimmick. The stuff about Kurtesy was great, it's no surprise given how much history the two of you have. It seems as though you know Kurtesy's character just as well as FalKon does. Overall a real quality heel RP, no complaints here.

Ale

I like the interaction with the fans outside of the arena. Very smarky fans picking on the new heel is very realistic. Although I think Ale's dialogue could have been smoother, it came off a little generic and forced. The scavenger hunt was a great idea, but I think you dragged it out a bit too long. The father/son interaction was pretty good. Their relationship seems complicated and will be a good setup point for later RPs. Overall it was alright, I think Black Dragon or King Shabba will get the nod here however. You do have potential as does the character I will say though.

Action Saxton

A nice change of pace from Action Saxton's usual escapades (I love his adventures but it's always nice to see something different). You worked the "Simplicity" them to perfection and the writing and descriptions was solid as expected from you. Overall it was a different style RP that I enjoyed, not sure how others will perceive it but it worked for me.

Blade

I like how that chick was clearly trying to bone him but he's too focused on Beckford that he could care less. I love the fact that he's not satisfied with ending Beckford so soon. It shows everything he does is carefully planned and he has a clear idea of how he wants his "destiny" to unfold. Even though Beckford is gone, Blade is still paranoid and delusional enough to believe Beckford could still interfere in his match, blinded with hatred almost. You quickly went over your opponents, almost like they were an after thought compared to Beckford. But to Blade and most they are so it worked well.

Sam Smith

I like the choice to vist and chat with his brother, their conversation shows how much WZCW means to him and how much he's risked to get where he is. The part about Winters only being in it to further his own religion was great and a good face way to show you deserve the belt over him. Overall a very solid all around RP. You went over the match, Smith's past, the importance of WZCW in his life, and you even put in some interesting character development with his father. You would have had a great shot of winning even if Winters RPd imo, you definitely deserve it and the Elite X title fits Sam Smith well.

 

[Lee]

Just short RP feedback as I'm sure 90% of them will be "that was funny"

GM Random, but I like random. I can't remember much about GM so that makes it even better for me. YOu're the better of the two here but not by much.

Broski Fairly generic RP here, "I'm better than you here's why" it was pretty much an old Swagger promo or going back Mr Perefect. Still it was well written.

The Masked Knight! So much potential but not really done in the way I was expecting. That's not a bad thing.

Nemesis I loved this, the mom thing was hilarious and the delusions of grandeur worked so well. I pick you as the winner.

John Doe Simple and to the point, the meme spoof worked so well on here though the colour scheme made me have an epileptic fit* The Hulk Hogan emoticons at tne end added to it. You'll win by default I guess.

Blayto Far too similar to Bowen I think. I liked the description and it was short and sweet but it wasn't different enough to what you'll usually say. No comment on match winner though as I'm in this match.

Sandy Deserts This would have been better suited to a roper WZCW RP, I just didn't feel the element of fun in it at all. Still really goofd work on it.

Japan This was quite the opposite to FalKons in that it was fun from the bat, it made me laufgh a few times and you can tell you enjoyed writing it. That being said without the rules I don't think there was the need for the parody names. Good job though.

I can't pick a winner for this match.

Erik I gave feedback over MSN, I'll do SHIT and Saboteur's if they want them. S.H.I.T FTW though.

Kaster I really thought you were going to add a second one. It was too short and far too generic to have any real impact.

Colby Congo Both were generic yet funny, it comes accross as if they were supposed to be that way as a piss take. I liked them and I have you FTW here.

*may be a fabrication.

 

[Showtime]

Saboteur

Checked over your App. Really like the gimmick so far, and all criteria is met. The RP was an enjoyable first read for the match. I thought the humour hit and you played off of Alvin well. Structure is well presented and grammar is excellent. You did exactly what should be done with an RP for this kind if match, introduced your character and his persona, and boasted about winning without going into too much detail. 2 minor issues I had. One had to do with the way you used Alvin. While the character was spot on how I imagined him, his role could've been played by one of our many WZCW licensed interviewers. See the link in the roster section. While the use of random NPC's is done, we prefer to see guys like Leon or Stacey handling the questioning and answering. The ending gave indication that this character may be used again, hopefully does, so this is a none issue. Even less of an issue but still something of note, while you gave us a description, we the reader weren't told his name was Alvin until about the 2/3 mark, yet beside each of his dialogue was his name. None issue, either give us his name in the description paragraph or wait until he mentions it to add it beside his text.

Verdict: I can't see why you wouldn't get a contract. I'm already looking forward to you teaming with Action Saxton to take on Hunter and Barbosa

J.T. Brocks

A very generic gimmick from what I read in the App. I could go on a rant about weaknesses but it has been approved already. Been said in discussion thread, this is generic. Wealthy guy who grew up on wrong side of tracks and had to work hard to make it to where he is. Being African American makes it even more generic. Maybe I'm lost about the whole RP. How is it you attained your mass amount of wealth? Why are you an intern at a law firm, and how do you find the time to also include training to be a wrestler, road schedule that comes with it, and have time for your entrepreneurial activities? Unless you plan on elaborating on that either in the RP or in the future, none of it was necessary to put. Thankfully note as irrelevant as most of Doug Crashin's RP's. All you need to do is mention your really expensive car, boat, chinese panda, and then you've hit Doug Crashin bottom. The paragraph about your hardships is nothing that hasn't been seen, read, or stereotyped in countless films, shows, and publications. Also... your like in your 20's. Did they even have just black and white TV back in the 80's?

Verdict: I think you might miss out on it this time, but it'll give you a chance to try maybe a different approach. I see this character more as a heel than a face. I think you'd play it better as that. He doesn't need to change his smile or good nature, that is his heelness. He reminds me already of Rock when he first debuted as Rocky Maivia, you know without the wealth. Always smiling and working hard. And then the fans turned big on him. This guy could keep the values and play more like Alberto Del Rio and I think it would work better.

Johnny Scumm

Character App checks out in my books. It's kinda generic, but there is enough differences I think that make him your own. One thing that I want to point out first is far too many commas. Maybe you were trying to write like he was saying it slow or with lots of pauses. That's kinda how I read it, but it's still looks cluttered. I suggest either breaking the paragraphs up more, almost line for line, or using "..." when you really want to emphasize a pause. Cue the hardship paragraph which at least had some useful history bits about your character and detail. I don't know what to make of the Father part, rushed? dramatic? unnecessary? maybe should've been saved for a later RP? one maybe with a more dramatic effect. Whatever the case, aside from the good cheap heat, it didn't sell me any more on the character than the first half of your RP did. Aside from all the commas, the writing was good. I like the character enough and really would like to see how you do in a one on one match.

Verdict: I don't see you winning this match, but I think you have a good shot at getting a contract.

Jackson Williams

Character App has me written all over it. This is Showtime without the talk show. Hell I didn't even have the talk show idea when I did the App. This is like the enforcer sized duplicate. Maybe not but regardless onto the RP. As man who plays a self obsessed heel, it's important as a writer not to become self obsessed with his image as well. So I very much enjoyed the open bit that put the kid down a level or two. You have very good storytelling. Jackson says exactly what I would believe he would say and there is enough description to go along with it. Textbook interview segment and still managed to take another, lighter, shot at your characters ego. Sold the ending well. Great writing. Good RP.

Verdict: Definite contract. Good shot at winning as well.

Ewan Kampa

Something is wrong here. I read the character App and I imagined this very straight-laced wrestler. One who thinks the world of himself, lives and breaths wrestling. That over intense, into himself, guy. And one who also appears well off as things are handed to him and he is presented as the best. And he is a heel. We get to the RP, and suddenly I imagine Alabama or at least somewhere in southern USA. I imagine your guy as a farm hand or guy who works is an auto shop. Wrestling sounds more like a spur in the moment or something you've only been training for like a year, not your life's work. So your friends funeral was that morning and you wore jeans, flannel baseball cap. I know a guy who wore jeans to a funeral. After that day I became the favourite son-in-law. Moving on, I wouldn't have known you were a wrestler until you casually brought it up on the date at the bar, which by the way left out the juice details of how you picked her up. Sappy. And again according to the app wrestling is your life, why does you dad sound so surprised about you going to WZCW if your a wrestler. And finally, 100% face in this RP. Between your RP and your App it was night and day, which is a shame since the writing and structure was fine.

Verdict: Character building pieces are fine, but only when you have your contracts. You spoke nothing about your match and little more about wrestling. I don't see you winning.

Ricky Runn

First thing, yellow, never want to see it again. Now the RP was difficult to read because of it. The App speaks of insanity and bravery. While the description describes a very intense individual I don't think insane quite came up in it. On the not of description you should try and separate it from dialogue parts rather than in the same paragraph. And description paragraphs shouldn't explain to me things like this line "No longer will the little men like Ricky be ignored by the world as giants and strongmen that infested the Professional Business." this is something your character should be telling us. I also don't see the flirting aspect of your character after your interview with Becky. The "info on your opponents" template works in large matches like these as long as it's not over done. Struggling to read your sentences I think you were effective, the only ill begotten fault I see is no explanation how you came across such documents.

Verdict: In short, too much description, not enough dialogue, poor choice of font colour. Will not be winning.

Jack Skinner

Oh NSL, why did you have to be the only other one who posted later. I would've saved you for tomorrow if one other person RP. Curses, no matter you will face the wrath of my tired crankiness.

App was awesome. Loved the character. RP was even better. I'm afraid to fight you out of fear of losing to a man of your embarrassing stature. The trainers reactions were perfect. This guy is the biggest heel since Doug Crashin. No wait... way bigger. I want to see you manage 5 guys just so you'll have to RP in all their matches. The whole piece flowed smoothly and Jack's dialogue was as I would imagine him. I even enjoyed the voice I had penned in my read for him.

Verdict: Out of respect for your characters... "inabilities" I can't see you winning, but WZCW would be blind not to sign Jack Skinner Immediately following his elimination.