RP Feedback Thread

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Ty Burna: This is somewhat nitpickicking but the first line of dialogue bothered me:

How dare her, after all I have done for her. Serafina you ungrateful ****e!

Nothing wrong with the context, but the grammar was off. Just something I noticed. Liked that you brought in what was said between you & Gordito before. I also like the friendship you two have and the respect that's shown. The Sludge Pit comment made me laugh for some reason (I think the visual of Ty drinking there is what got me). My only other problem here is that it felt more like you were talking about Showtime and had somewhat ignored Lights. I know you talked about him at the end, but even then you were talking about Constantine & Showtime. More focus on your opponenet next time perhaps. Good work overall though.

 

[Mr. Artistic guy]

D.K. Wilton

I always enjoy when an RP sets a scene to the point where I can envision it happening perfectly, so I was satisfied from the get-go in that respect.

I also think you did what you set out to do. Your character sounded very bitter but did a good job of putting everyone else on notice for when he immanently returned. Setting yourself up with the parts about how you faced some of the top guns worked well for me, I can buy that being experienced with tough competitors makes you a force to be weary of.

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A few things that I liked less: For me there was very little physical development after the initial part of description. Now I don't know if it was intended or not but I just feel with the licence to go more or less wherever you want in your RP, that you could go for a little bit more to the physical aspect of what's going on, because aside from the initial actions and the small touches like camera adjustment and taking a cigarette the latter part was essentially a block of speech which, whilst good in itself, is a little uneventful. Perhaps a little demonstration of just how your character intends to impact when he returns would do nicely.

Everything else is quite pernickity. "It was like someone had taken a number two in his cereal that morning." I can see some people's reactions to this being a little hit and miss. "I'm coming back with my head on shoulders and you better believe that". Now I know you missed a word out of this bit but even still it doesn't really work for me this, it just doesn't sound particularly threatening which it seems it was intended to be.

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But still you pretty well achieved what you set out to with this, it wasn't outstanding because there wasn't really enough wiggle room for the character in his current predicament to make it so but it ticks most of the boxes and there isn't anything majorly wrong I can see so I don't think I can give this less than a 7/10

 

[ABMorales787]

Sam Smith/Crock:

Hm. Interesting move. Using your RP to actually give a feud to the match. I liked the promo at the beginning. While I liked the idea of having Blade attack you, it just seemed unneeded to me.You're not in a feud with him, so it seems pretty pointless for him to just jump out and attack you. Basically you just cut two babyface promos and separated them with a rather too casual to mean much beating. Points for originality and the first promo though.

Blade:

Objection! That was just awesome. That's a very unique trick that really added to the RP. Blade's a smart guy. Greatly showed here. I do feel that at this point, the attack Crock wrote into his RP did you more favors than it did him. More build for you. Not much for him but a sympathy card. Great stuff.

Numbers:

I like the continuous seriousness from Austin. Very angry right now and it shows just how personal the feud is. I laughed at the end when Dom asks if Austin is talking to himself. You did have a bit of grammar errors in the beginning.

Constantine:

Rock references? Why? I think you were better off imitating him than mentioning stuff similar to his catchphrases and then referencing him. Other than that, some solid heel work. Constantine sounds like he's affably evil at times by being so outspoken with his hype at times. Still solid job. But 3 Stages Of Hell at KC? Dammit, now I have to fix up the graphic.

 

[ABMorales787]

Funkay/Holmes

Either Ojos is an illusionist or Holmes was dreaming. Still, pretty weird stuff going on there. Didn't quite catch the point of it, but it did lead to an interesting conversation about Ferbian. Sadly, it would seem all of that wasn't really needed.

Ryder/Paradyse

First, it's Los Angeles. Not Los Angles. Sounds like a spanish sitcom starring Kurt Angle. Bad spelling can screw you if not careful. Second, hermosa. Not harmosa. Third:

Armando-I am a Proffesiona wreslter.

Your business card needs some tweaks. Fourth, your character sounds like Rob Schneider. I think the whole women thing is too distracting for the character. It makes him look like a comedy character and you know what happens to those.

Beckford/Leeds

Nice promo. Nothing gets a babyface over like a solid babyface ring promo. And of course a few burns about Blade don't hurt either. You didn't talk much about your opponent though.

Doc/Saxton

You write "sucka" more times than Booker T says it. But other than that, I can roll up your RP into this:

I didn't like the bagpipe's bit though. Cartoon Networkish and it reminded me of Cena's cheesy jokes.

Big Dave/Phoenix

I'm gonna get my ass kicked, aren't I?

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Sam Smith: Interesting RP from you. I thought the idea of you learning from the previous week’s loss to Blade was a nice move. I also liked the way you talked up the psychology of your character. That worked for me and it's something I wanted to do when I was starting out here. I thought you closed this one well too talking about it being you're chance. Not sure where you fit in at Kingdom Come, if anywhere at all, but it should be interesting to follow you. My major problem though is that this came across as heel like to me. The way it was written was in a heel manner and somewhat cerebral, almost methodical, and it screamed heel to me. I've never been a big fan of your character as a face, as to me the character you have screams heel, but to each his own.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Sam Smith:

Is that a new colour for Smith or was it that since you were imitating Baller, you used the colour that he always writes with? Either way, it's a nice touch to the old red you used to use. Not a big fan of it as the sole colour, blue is much easier on the eyes. Speaking of the Baller imitation, it's a great way to step up your game and be off-putting for your opponent... getting at them psychologically. You force them to write an excellent RP, or have them write an RP as your character. What I find interesting is that instead of berating the lifestyle, you embrace it as your own... something I expected a face would do in the same situation. I like how you addressed that you'll need to work hard and step up your game to get places, including this year's KC.

The only criticism I have is that you talked a lot where you mentioned a couple of things multiple times. The opening was solid, the ending finished off strong... but the middle I found myself skipping parts because I read it before. I felt a little more flow could have aided your RP in the same area as well.

It's not stellar, but Baller's going to have to do something similar to stellar to defeat it.

 

[The Encore]

Chris Beckford:

Positives:
- I liked the little line suggesting that Leon was with me at the time, it really made the RP seem more realistic and like everybody's RP's take place on a time line rather then all the random RP time placements.

- Emotion, you got emotions across greatly and I feel like it pulled the RP together nicely especially with the bit at the end about the mother dieing. You conveyed emotion just by his reaction. I thought it was straight forward and solid.

- Action Saxton was used briefly and it was all you needed just so that the focus wouldn't come off of your character.

Negatives:
None that I can think of.

Overall it was a great RP.

 

[Dave]

Titus (Lee)

This RP is perfectly good and that is about as much as I can say about it really. I like that people are starting to use Stacey a little more often and I think that Titus uses her very well. She is the perfect foil for some of the other faces on the roster and I think that you have written her perfectly in this RP. She should be nonchalant and uncaring towards the bigger faces of the company and I think you hit that nail right on the head with this RP. Another thing that really pleased me about this RP was the wacky nature of it all. I missed Titus and I don't think anyone manages to catch that side of RPing quite like you do. This RP was no different in the respect that the Titus character is being built upon with great belief in the angle leading up to Kingdom Come. I think that you covered all of the bases pretty well and there is only a couple of things I would have changed if I were writing it.

The first of which would have been the strike out of some of the names. I realise that you were trying to gte the point of humour and Batman across but I think that Strike outs should be avoided because you are trying to show that there is speech and you can't strike out speech in a normal conversation. I think it would have been funnier if the butler had just called you Master Wayne with no remorse.

Still, that was the only flaw in an RP that shows you are back to your witty best with Titus. The part with the cards at the end was pretty good and leaves me wondering who else is referenced on the cardboard that resides inside the pocket of everyone's favourite super hero.

Good effort.

 

[Lee]

The Crashin Movement vs. The Forgotten Powers

The Crashin Movement

Overall a decent push for the team, that being said it's obvious who is the stronger one of the two.

Funnykay: I loved the way you used Crashin here, you seem to have his arrogant almost JBL esque thing down to a T and I love that. A true test of an RPer is if you would trust them with your character, I'd definitely trust you with Titus. The only fault really is the there at the end should be a their but hey what can you do?

Doug: You started off badly here by spacing out needlessly with double spacing between lines, that really irritates me. In addition to that I feel like it's one of those average RPs that could have been good if there was substance to it but there wasn't and you really didn't use Holmes/Kurtesy well. It's like you had some ideas and threw them out for good measure but no expansion....though I am intrigued about Mexico.

The Forgotten Powers

I'll be honest here, I am a mark and a half for this team. A great mix really with Dr. Alhazred and King. Such a contrast but that works, you guys need some interaction as a team, look at the great teams of WZCW's past and the ones that work as a team interact tell a common story rather than two individuals thrown together works well. Anyways individually.

James King: This I liked, it was simple and to the point. It wasn't good, it wasn't bad but I still liked it if that makes sense. You've essentially been thrown in a tag team and you're still finding your feet on it so it makes sense that you would do a basic RP. Nothing to pick on really, needs more meat to the bones but that will come once you've had a few shows together.

Dr. Alhazred: I love your character so much. The 80s computer font for speaking with the ET thingy to your quirkiness. This one though I didn't like Mister, but that's probably because I've read hundreds of Rps where people mock Leon. That's me being mega harsh on you by the way because I'm pretty sure you'll get loads of feedback saying AwSum RP!!

I predict a Forgotten Powers win here, as great as Funnykays RP was, Crashins brought it down.

 

[Lee]

Ty Burna & Austin Reynolds vs. Showtime Cougar and Constantine

I won't do this as I did the other one (ie team strengths etc) as you're not a tag team.

John Constantine: Fucking hell that is the most emotional RP I've ever read. Wow how do I say how good it is in words? The music worked perfectly setting the mood for this so much. The words, music, tempo of RP worked so so well. I didn't get the 47 year thing though, seemed a bit random as I'm pretty sure in 1964 someone being too fat for a wrestler would never have happened. But that's me being nitpicky.

Austin Reynolds: Ah you finally beat me Longest reigning Elite X champion, congratulations. I love it when people use Klamor the way he should be used, probing going further like an oldschool reporter. The contrast to Dave's RP works so well but again you can feel the emotion through it, the fact that Reynolds knows being Elite X champion is an honour. Another spot on RP couldn't really fault it.

Ty Burna: This is why you are champion. You write this with an authority yet I love how you kind of throw the gauntlet down and say stuff the mind games, this is a physical thing. Something that Ty really hasn't done in what I can remember.

Showtime: This is great, you know that. Not much I can say to that. The storyline with Serafina's really added some heat to the fire of this match at KC. Character devlopment and the PowerTrip thing showing a kind of alliance thing but not 100% teasing it up. I like that.

Honestly I can't call this match, you're all too good.

 

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

Holmes
Love the dialogue and setup, you have a clear view of how to write your character as well as Doug's, I'd say you actually write it better than him lol (no offense Doug). Not really much to say, no flaws, a solid RP as usual.

Constantine
Holy crap, what an awesome RP, I was hanging off of every word. The music at the beginning worked so well at setting the atmosphere and gave the RP a nice feel. I love how you took what Ty does best, twisted it and used it against him, almost mocking him. A nice place to start for the new direction you say you want to head in with your character. Flawless RP to me, I really enjoyed it.

Paradyse
Good face antics to start, he's not satisfied with a cheap win, he wants to do it on his own. The kind of depression it gave him shows he has some cracks underneath his "perfect" exterior so to speak, so much so that he ignores the one thing he loves the most, women. The bit about apologizing to Beckford on a voice mail was a nice touch. It kind of starts to go down from here. A quick tip: don't just run down your opponents like they're on a list. Work it into the RP naturally so it doesn't seem forced and just their for the sake of being there, you need to let it flow. You show signs of promise, just a matter of getting the experience and working out the kinks.

 

[Lee]

AS 29: Mayhem No. 1 Contender Battle Royale

DK Wilton: Yeah I'm not feeding you back as you're fiahed.

Justin Cooper: I loved this RP so much. The intensity of Cooper knowing that this is his. You're focused on the match at KC and seem to have the arrogance that this is just a formality.

Action Saxton: Short, sweet. Made me laugh. I'm not a fan of sex scenes in RPs but this worked. Not your best, but I know you were rushed for time.

Ferbian: What can I say? This RP stole the show.

Armando Paradyse: I thought Alex Bowen was Mayhem champ? Anyways I liked this RP aside from the glowing mistake. You can tell you're improving, but the list thing just really grinds my gears. The best thing in a multiman match is not to do the list thing, or if you do make it subtle, if it reads like a list it takes away a lot from it. You're improving, and that stands out for me more than someone who's always been good.

Sean Cruz: Again how can I fault this?

The Agony: You do my three pet hates here. 1) You have a large font just to make your RP seem bigger. 2) The way Stacey acted initially was out of character but I'll let you off with that. 3) You did the list thing. Seriously the list thing annoys the hell out of me, there's some where you just tell us their gimmicks, why bother? Though the character is interesting to me and the diary aspect worked for it. Your description is brilliant, you have a way with setting the scene.

Winner: Whilst it should be Ferbian or Cruz with their phenomenal performances I think Cooper deserves the win in this match.

 

[Lee]

MD 54: Alex Bowen vs Chris Jones - Mayhem Championship

Jones: An in ring promo? Very rare to see this, even rare is someone pulling it off. You did that. Again good intensity in this promo, it's pretty much how any wrestler would react to that, and the threat of leaving the Mayhem division I think is a good move, it's a bit cluttered at the moment. It's time to make the next step if needs be.

Bowen: You're improving week in and week out. Your gimmick is perfect for Mayhem champion, and the mention of the KC history really adds to it. A few typos and what not, but you know that we mentioned it in the discussion threads maybe trying your RP out in open office or Word to do a spelling/grammar check. Definitely worth it as that's the only thing lacking here.

Winner: I can't ppick a winner as I don't think any was better than the other, but Bowen doesn't deserve to lose so I'll go with Bowen.

 

[Lee]

AS 29: Brothers In Arms vs. DK Wilton (Handicap Match)


DK: Yooooooooooooooooooooooooou're fiiiiiiiiiiiahed (but this RP was a HUUUUUUGE improvement.

BIA

Hammond: I loved the humour in this, the mocking of the Mario brothers to the rip off of Anchorman. It was a different way to do a typical “talk about your match” Rp in that it was an apology, I liked that. Honestly nothing bad to say here.

Toyota: Another great emotional RP here. It happens so much where people come in with this gimmick about wanting to be a good guy or save WZCW and then get caught up in winning or keeping a belt. It's good to see Wasabi going back to that, and hopefully that's a non kayfabe way of you saying you're going to RP for fun as really that's what it's all about. Top notch RP definitely.

BiA with the win even if Encore hadn't been a tool.

 

[Lee]

AS 29: Michael Winters vs. Brad Bomb - Elite X Championship Best of Three: Round Two

Ty Burna: I liked your first RP in this thread, but the second one seemed pretty much the same as your one before with another line added on. Not original, no emotion.

Brad Bomb: I liked this RP but did you read Beckfords RP with his mother dying and his brother he didn't really want to see thrown in for good measure? It was too similar for my liking but words, description, intrigue....you've got it all! Keep up the good work.

Michael Winters: Bloody hell what's with everyone having bad weeks in WZCW? It's not your fault. Anyways on topic...very well written, description, character development. Though I think it seemed like the match was an after thought in the RP here. Still good work.

Brad Bomb for the win here, he was focused on the match despite being at a grave. Plus you two both deserve to go to Kingdom Come and fight for a belt.

 

[Lee]

MD 54: Sam Smith vs. Mr. Baller

I want to say to start off that I am glad I am not calling this match, both RPs were excellent and neither one was better than the other. Maybe a time limit draw?

Baller: I love the focus is on KC, you know that's your aim and you know it can make you if you're on the card or break you if not. The back and forth with Myles worked really well and I'm not usually a fan of these type of interactions but this circumstance called for it. Then you lost it at the end, and seemed really genuinely bitter rather than kayfabe bitter. That being said still a top notch RP and you continue to get better.

Sam Smith: This was polar opposite of Ballers, you understand that Myles knows best and if he wants someone on they'll be on for the right reasons. The basketball playing with the story of the old men gave a sense of warmth to the RP and I think the blue text added to the calm feel throughout. Great description was used as well.

 

[Da Prophet]

Winters: This is a pretty important match for you, so I’m expecting something big here. Going into this I don’t see the series ending on the second match. We will see the third and final battle at Kingdom Come. But let’s get to the actual RP, nice description to start off, always a good thing. Helps give the feel of where the RP is going. Really like the stuff about how you can’t take back what has happened. However you go out to the ring to make “Him” proud. I thought that worked well, followed by the shocking heat attack. That got me hooked; you have left us on a cliff hanger, nice job. Overall, it was a solid RP, the only down side I could find was I didn’t get the big match feel. I didn’t feel that you were heading into a career making match. Maybe something to work on for the final match at Kingdom Come.

Titus: I really enjoyed reading the whole RP, nice work. The way you used Stacy was perfect, something most people fail to do. Cool picture, one thing that was kind of weird was the fact the word “Alfred” was crossed out. Not your fault, just spooky how things turn out. Over all I like it, you spoke about your match, and didn’t just do some boring interview. You made it exciting to read, nice work Lee.

Bowen: Nice setting to start off, having it in a hotel room gives some normality to your character. Really liked how you spoke about becoming the Mayhem Champion, and what it means. Then you gave some insight into your character, which I thought you did well. You finished the RP well, I think that last couple of lines were really good. Something your character would say. Overall, nice job, it was a solid RP.

Jones: I expected Jones to be angry about last week, and you did a great job of showing that. You would expect him to be pissed off, and I got the feeling he was. It was good to see some rage from Jones, as he talked about his past Mayhem Championship runs. That was well done, I couldn’t find anything major that was wrong with this RP. Just like Lee said, maybe it is time for Chris Jones to move onto bigger things? With the best of 3 series going on, maybe Jones could be the next challenger?

 

[Da Prophet]

Sam Smith: Smart thing for a setting, it’s always good to have a setting which you can include into the RP. With it having some importance to the upcoming match. You did well with working off Ballers basketball gimmick. I thought it was a smart move on your part, and it made the RP really good. You say this is your chance to impress, how? What is going to happen if you win this match? Overall, it was a fine RP, and if I had to pick, I going with you this week.

Agony: Well you do set the scene well don’t you? I loved the description aspect of it; you seem to have an act for that. However the actual content, it was OK but nothing amazing. You didn’t really speak about your opponents, only a short dairy thing. That was a nice idea; I wish you would have done more with it. Maybe something you could do in a future RP? It was a solid RP, but it isn’t enough to win this very important match. Good work however, you’re improving.

Constantine: May I call an RP beautiful, because that is what this was. Damn, the song set the tone, gave the RP something more. I can’t write it, but it just made the RP flow together. People usually don’t do that, you did, and it worked. Fantastic work at thinking outside the box. I feel that Constantine took a back seat when he was with Showtime. And wasn’t the same guy we saw at the beginning. This RP reminds me of what you did before, I think Constantine is going back up the ladder. Great job, the dialogue was wonderful, and everything just felt right.

Steven Holmes: Another fine job, with a wonderful RP. The dialogue was written very well, and you used Crashin well. People find it hard to use others characters, yet you made it look easy. I couldn’t find anything major that was wrong with the RP. I was also wondering why Mexico?

Action Saxton: With the limited amount of time you had, and computer problems, this was a decent effort. Most people would have just no showed, and said sorry. I respect how you actually took the time to write out an RP, even with the limited time you had. It was funny, and made me laugh many times. The description was good, and you used that more than actual speech. A sex scene to end the RP, god Saxton is a lucky man. It was decent, but not the best, given different circumstances, I think you may have been a favourite to win the match.

Wasabi Toyota: Another great RP from you, it really worked well. The whole RP just flowed, with nothing being done wrong. I think you captured everything perfectly and it made the RP fun to read. And if you’re not enjoying reading the RP, it really isn’t any good. This was fun to read, as are all of the RP’s you do. Great work, and I can’t think what is going to happen when you hit the singles division.

EDIT: Mr. Baller: I really like the opening with Myles, you did that well. Actual I thought it would bomb, and was surprised that it didn't. Nice job Baller, I'm already impressed. You did the second half of the RP well, and gave it a more serious tone. You used the fact you don't have a match yet to your advantage, something that came off well to me. Nice job Baller, this match is going to be hard to call. However I'm still giving it to Crock (only just), great work sir.

 

[Find'er Woo'er Ryder]

ZeroVX
Very Instense heel RP. I like how you brought up you're first Mayhem title reign. I like the way you played the crowd with agreeing to leave the Mayhem division if you lose against Alex Bowen. One thing you could have done differently is a mention of some people in the Mayhem battle royal. I know you are focused on Bowen right now but if you win this match you would have to face the winner of that match at Kingdom Come. Overall I enjoyed you're RP very much.

Uncle Phatso
Emotional RP. But nothing really stood out to me. You mentioned the Battle Royal which is good.

Alex- Chris you may be WZCW's savior, But I am the Hardcore messiah. I'm going to bring this division back to what It should be, a true hardcore division. I'm in charge now, not some pissed off little prick. This place needs me as much as I need it. The WZCW Mayhem division is under new management, and I plan on making a few changes.

That right there is what saved this RP. I loved it and if you pick up the win, that's the reason.

Da Prophet
Great RP. I can see you winning this match actually. Only thing I didn't like at the end was the rap. Some of the lines came off a little corny.

Red Skull
Amazing RP. I like how you talk about the littlel things and then turn them into big things. I got to be honest I thought you're character was a little cheesy at first but now I am a fan of Dr. Alhazred. I'm unsure if he is a heel or a face though. Good work
anyways.

Lee
Good mention with last week against Barbosa and Hunter. I enjoyed it but to a point. It seemed to have some pointless talking between the two. I liked the whole Batcave/Cave of Wonders angle. It was a comedy side to Titus. I do see you securing the win here but the only reason that is because of the whole Pheonix not RPing. My favourite part of the RP was at the end when you crossed out Pheonix's name. To funny Lee. Good work.

 

[Lee]

MD 54: Everest vs. Blade - Special Ref: Chris Beckford

Beckford: I loved the way you used Action in this RP, it worked well. I loved the way it had an upbeat tempo all the way through telling the story to further the feud for it all to come crashing down at the end with a big thump for Beckford and that's more realistic and stands out more for it.

Blade: I don't think Blade would get his own locker room and it's illegal to smoke indoors in an arena, but I'm just being picky. Good work as ever, the story for Beckford is building nicely and KC should be an interesting match between the two of you. The shift in focus onto Everest was great and the “It's not 2009” line was great.

Everest: I've waited a while for you to go back on form and this RP nailed it. down to the plugging merchandise and the almost but not quite flirting with Becky. This was old school Everest showing why he has the reputation as one of the best in the fed. You're a man on a mission and realise things have changed, but to mix that up with how you've always been works well. Sound RP here.

 

[Da Prophet]

Armando Paradyse: The RP is an improvement, and if you keep taking advice you'll keeping doing better. I didn't like the fact that you gave each opponent one word or a short sentence and were done with them. You needed to give more for this high stakes match. It just wasn't enough to get the win. Another thing was that I didn't like the idea you calling Beckford, saying you are sorry. Then to be a cocky, and "I can beat all of them". It was weird, and I thought unusual for the character to change so quickly. I see that you're improving, keep going, however this isn't your week.

 

[Lee]

Hunter Kravinoff, Barbosa & Baez vs. Gordito, Big Dave & Dr. Steven Kurtesy

Here we go, I'm 99% sure this will be me writing “great RP” six times so I'll be pretty harsh.

Barbosa: Did you get the OK to bloody an interviewer? Aside from that I loved the contrast here, the Manic v a calm Hunter worked quite well and the whole getting insnae off something so trivial...it worked. A+

Baez: That opening for Klamor was a bit off, more Helms than Bobby the Brain Heenan. Ah great someone else using Rock catchphrases, this hasn't happened for a while. I really wasn't too much of a fan of this one, it seemed far too faceish with the Klamor interview remembering that he is the heel male interviewer. This is the same Johnny Klamor who has just been beaten up The first and last part were great just the Klamor bit would have been more suited to Leon all in all top notch RP. What I loved though is the way at the start you explained who Alisha was, I like it when people do that as it doesn't leave anyone confused who may be reading one of your Rps for the first time. A

Hunter: I honestly can't fault this at all. Not much else needs to be said. A+

Kurtesy: Flawless, the way you used Gordito here was incredible. He's the only face in this match but he's sympathising with his team mates for the greater good. Not else to say here. A+

Big Dave: I told you on MSN I liked this, I'm glad Ace got a mention a good nod for the old school ones in WZCW. This flowed very well from Kurtesy's RP and if you read it as one you couldn't tell a change in writer and that's a good thing. A+

Gordito: I guess the only fault here is I didn't really know who Jack was, not your fault at all just it's the first time I've read one of your Rps and was rather curious for a tiny bit. I loved how well this worked with everything coming to place nicely at the end, almost like an 80s sitcom. A+



All good Rps throught here, this'll probably just descend into anarchy as it's every man for himself at Kingdom Come.

 

[Lee]

AS 29: Titus vs. Phoenix

Phoenix: I was a bit disappointed with a no show, I wanted to see whether I was back on form or not and there was no one better than someone who has improved so much recently.

Titus: I liked this RP, I liked the flow, I liked how it had Titus operating in his crazy way. We finally see the cave of wonders that has never been mentioned before. The AlfredGeorge thing I wasn't sure about leaving in, I went for it anyways and see it almost like when you read a comic book, sometimes you'd get a strikethrough. All in all a nice step on a return to form I hope.

 

[Da Prophet]

Big Dave: Damn, I LOVED this RP. The talk between Dave and Kurtesy was done to perfection, it was like FalKon would write it. It was the right move to have Dave question trusting Kurtesy, brilliant move. It all went well together, and I can't find a fault. I looked, and still couldn't find one. Great job, and a strong push toward Kingdom Come.

Steven Kurtesy: Time to give my favourite character some feedback. Nice description to start off. You really do capture the character of Kurtesy really well. Probably one of the best at showing how to use a gimmick, and use the character to your full advantage. The interaction between Kurtesy and Gordito was done well, and I know it's hard to do that, yet you did a great job.

Gordito: All three of you have down a wonderful job of making this like a story. You read all three RP's and it just goes together. Again you used both characters (Big Dave and Kurtesy) well. I can't find nay fault here, it just all went well. The description, character use, it all just worked.

 

[newc868]

Titus/Lee - First off, without an RP from Phoenix, you've got the match won already so I don't really have to worry about writing that part up, with that I'll jump into what I liked/disliked of my second Titus RP (that I've read).

As your second RP on your return you've not got much to run on to be fair but I didn't like that you didn't blatantly reference your match at Kingdom Come, which would seemingly be a priority for you. However, I was very intrigued by the way the ending with the 6 cards. Phoenix is one of them... so who are the other 5? Only time will tell I'm guessing. Going back to my point though, I don't see how this ties in with Everest at all at Kingdom Come. It just erks me, I don't know why.

The comedy is decent. I'm laughing out loud or anything but for me it's just a well pieced together, collection of jokes that build towards a good RP as well as being quasi-serious. You built your own back story to this going back to MD21 which I liked. Meant that Titus really is focused about his opponent this week and isn't just in a rush to get to Kingdom Come.

You built it up well. By this I mean that the first 2/3 or so, were all building up towards the final pay-off. At first I thought, there's too much build up and idle stuff happening but re-reading it, it all felt the same importance wise which is something I like.