RP Feedback Thread

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Kurtesy:
I really enjoyed this RP. You really showed off your sadistic side whilst playing to your gimmick/profession. It's nice to see Stacey being used in an RP, she doesn't appear too often. I think you should have chosen two colours that weren't so close to each other though. Purple & Pink? A little too close for my tastes. You tick all the boxes here and a great RP from you.

Reynolds:
Description was great here:

The smell of gas and singed flesh had not left his nostrils when the Ratings Winner was leaving the arena. Unscripted was going to be a huge success but at the moment, Austin felt far from champion. In fact he felt pretty sick and had done since the match.

Very nice stuff in that department. You're rant towards the end was solid. I'm not sure if I liked you dismissing Constantine by not saying anything at all or if I didn't I'll have to think about that. Overall, nice work.

Baez:
You really can tell it's a Baez RP when the font is different to anyone else’s. You really are on a string of solid form and it’s no surprise that you're the longest reigning Mayhem Champion (Though It Should Have Ended At Unscripted ). I've got nothing specific to say except, nice work all round on this one.

Jones:
I find it interesting that you went the route of having you cut a promo by yourself, not playing off of anyone. Most interesting indeed. Your gimmick is the thing that shines through the most in this RP. I'm not sure if it'll be enough to become the new champion but you're definitely on the right road.

Lights:
This was your best in a while. Saying that, you're still trying to establish a solo character having been in a successful tag team and that shows quite obviously. Overall it was decent.

Ty:
The New Champion is off to a bit of a flyer. You're playing yourself up and you're using your gimmick well. I particularly liked the moment where you claimed that 'There Had Been Whispers of When It Would End' (Or something to that effect) and you dismissed it simply by pointing out that NO one had the courage to say anything. Very well done.

 

[ZeroVX]

Leeds Guy: This was a nice one. I particularly liked how descriptive you were in the first half about your match at Unscripted and your character's thoughts going into it. Your character is a very good sympathetic face and it shows here. Very good.

Dave Mizanin: I liked this one. I like how your character constantly walks the line between overly-confident and flat out arrogant. Also, I can see what you mean by how our characters are similar, especially with the speeches. Makes me wonder why we haven't faced off yet. All in all, well done.

Total Numbers Action: This one was pretty good. Your character's cocky persona is very clear here, but it's kind of hard to tell if he's a face or heel. Maybe that's what you're going for, but it can make things confusing. Other than that, this was a good job.

AJ Remix: This one wasn't bad. I liked how you developed your character through the descriptive text, but I think you could've elaborated a bit more on your opponents. True, it helps establish your character as a no-nonsense type of person, but it won't really help your match. Pretty good.

General Disarray: This one was alright. I liked how you gave the rather sad moment of Kravinoff's departure some dark comedy. Plus you gave an explanation for the somewhat random pairing of you and Hammond. All in all, a good job.

Baller: This one was...interesting. I really have to question your explanation for your return. You somehow had surgery that saved your life after getting your head kicked off? I know that the head-removal thing was questionable in itself, but is that even possible? You could've said that it was an evil twin of yours or something, but this just seems odd. Other than that, this one was pretty standard. Nothing special.

The Bearded One-Der: This one wasn't bad. Your character is clearly established and very likable, but I don't see why you had to divide this into two posts. You could've cut out a bit of the first one and compressed both into one RP. Other than that, this one was OK.

Leafy: This one wasn't that great. It's very hard to grasp just what your character is, or what his motivations are. Also, why'd you only talk about Graham and not Steele? It doesn't make a lot of sense. Not very good.

Spaceman Spif: Not a very good one here. I don't really get why you'd attack your partner. Granted, you gave an explanation, but it wasn't a very strong one, at least if you weren't going to split as a team, which you aren't. Also, again, why did you only address Graham? If you're going to address your opponents, address both of them, not just the one who posted before you. Very weak.

falconsault: This was a good one. I like your character's no-nonsense attitude, and I also like how you've started an ongoing backstory with him too. I'm interested in seeing how this will play out, and how it could impact the team. Nicely done.

The Thriz: This one was pretty good. It was short, sweet, and to the point, but didn't really have much of a Phoenix feel to it. If someone was reading this without knowing anything about your character before, they wouldn't really learn much. Having said that, it's still a very well written RP. Nicely done.

Showtime 24/7: This one was very good. I liked how you referenced Chris Beckford's status in the company, as I feel that the two of you have similar characteristics. Also, there were a few lines here and there that could be used for hinting at a heel turn, which would be very entertaining. Very nice job here.

 

[DirtyJosé]

Constantine/Random RP Thread:

Wow. The recent State of WZCW RP was great work in keeping a feud with Austin Reynolds warm, but this blows open the doors on Constantine's psyche. You address the grey area between Constantine, Crashin, and Jones, and then proceed to spend the rest of the RP demonstrating exactly what makes Constantine's gimmick different. Glad to see even Constantine is getting caught up in the new era with renewed conviction and determination.

A side note:

Mia (confused): Sir! Gordito is from the United States!

Constantine (desperately): You are not serious!? His name is Gordito, for Constantine’s sake! That’s as Mexican as they come! Its right after Juan on the ethnicity scale, Mia.

Mia: No, Sir! I did some research for the match and it turns out that he is born and bred in this country!

Constantine: Hmm! That throws somewhat of a spanner in the works, Mia.

I shit you not, I laughed so hard that a single tear formed in my left eye.

 

[Dhays9]

Brad Bomb: Nice RP as it was a good read. However, I have a problem with the fact that your two faces, on the same team and yet are trying to pick a fight with each other. If your face you should stay face and not try to make a face look like a heel. Another, problem I have is the fact that you didn't mention anything else except how you and ferb wanna fight each other (which makes no sense as your both faces). This would include: The battle royal (besides trying to start a fight with each other), your opponents, and your other tag team partner (this is a trios match).

I guess my main concern is the fact that your making both ferb and yourself to look like heels with a tad bit of face in them even though you are suppose to be a face.

 

[future admin]

Review (first review, probably won't help, but what I think of it)
Zero- Really solid RP, the new nickname is really smart, and works really well. I like the anti Patriotism involved in it aswell, I think that it is good. Agreeing with the Power German always helps aswell!
All in all, I thought it was a really good promo, congratulations.
I know it probably doesn't help much coming from someone in Development, but I thought I might give a review a go!

 

[Super Crazy]

Chris Beckford: This is by far one of my favorite RPs from you. You can really feel all the different emotions from Beckford. This is one of the few RPs where the thoughts of the wrestler are put in words and it actually works in my opinion. You do a great job building yourself up for the match, and I like how you are getting ready to go without the manager, as Chris Beckford as really become quite the star. I remember you said a few weeks or maybe longer, that you were the guy from our start that hadn't won any championships, but man, you are definitely one of the best from our group for sure. You've always been an excellent RPer, and I feel your tmie is coming with this RP. One small problem is that I feel you do too little to mention the match and your thoughts on it. The RP has a whole was great, but that one part was too brief.

 

[DirtyJosé]

Who loves ya', baby?

JOHN WATSON:

The intensity with this guy is still there. Over the top works, and when I sit back and think about it, I don't think this promo would have worked as well if he were anywhere but home. I can totally buy the idea of this gym freak warrior pumping iron and fuming over every match at home.

An area for improvement remains the use of NPC's. Becca is a great person to use, and I totally dug the payoff of sorts at the end of her indifference to him. What I didn't get was why she carried a photo of Jalapeno around; it seemed a tad juvenile. I felt highlighting your total opposition to most everything about Jalapeno's lifestyle was more effective when it was focus on him and not so much the size and fighting style difference. I think comparisons are good, but just pointing out that "I'm bigger!" isn't really proving or saying anything. It's like saying "The sky is blue!". Granted, you're a little impaired because, being new, both of you have very little to work with against each other.

Every step forward is a good thing, period. This is a good step forward from the last show. Keep it up, Beast!

JALAPENO (how do I do that funny thing over the n?):

I feel like this was a mighty fine RP that was missing one important element: what is being seen. It opens with Becky, and that's it. First of all, it makes it a little more difficult to really grasp the guy if all he comes across as is a voice. Second of all, and as I've mentioned before elsewhere, people can get lost in big blocks of dialogue. I can't imagine him standing still for very long. Show us movements and looks and nods and all that other stuff. What is he doing with his hands and arms? Animate the guy for us.

Beyond that, it's a great piece of work. Again, every step forward is good, and this is most assuredly a step forward.

ZAKK FALCON:

I may as well get this out of the way: way way waaaaaaaaaaaay too much of this RP is spent focused on Becky. On top of this, the flirtation and the sudden outbursts about breasts bring everything to a screeching halt. She's a big girl and has been working here a long time; I just don't see her taking to a developmental star so suddenly, or acting like such a child. The first time he spits out the reference to her breasts, she'd have been out of there.

Everything focused on your opponent works. Nothing wrong with being a little cheeky. Just keep away from anything that could seem like sexual harassment. Besides the Becky thing, it is a well written RP. I just wish it was more about him than it was about her.

DK WILTON:

Speaking of steps forward, this is a nice, crisp, and cleanly written RP. Your changes are effective. There's some good heel stuff brewing with him, but I felt like we only got a small bit of that from him. My only real complaint here is the criminal under usage of Klamor. I feel you'd have more fun bouncing off of Leon, and I think that this reads more like one of his interviews than it does one of Klamor's.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Jones:
I like these little promos with you in a room by yourself, I think it reflects your character well. You seem to be leaning towards being a face at the moment which is interesting but I am finding it a tad dull that the Mayhem Division is stuck in a rut of having face champions. I think you worked out a solid promo here. I've seen better from you but this was still solid.

Wunderbar:
I enjoyed this one. I thought you introduced the character of Schwarz well and kept on topic. You seemed to express yourself better when talking about Holmes than about Jones. Overall this was good and I see (as I said in my RP) a bright future in WZCW for Wunderbar.

Michael Winters:
First, congrats on winning your Battle Royale. Second, your formatting is really easy to read and well laid out so that's a gift to my eyes. I felt that this was an RP establishing your character rather than moving him forward. Everything here was fairly basic with slight character development but overall there was nothing remarkable about this RP. It was decent.

Барбоса:
This was interesting. I like your character, I like your ideas, and I like your execution, but there's something that I can't put my finger on. It bugs me to no end but i feel as if this character has something missing. I'm not sure what it is. Overall you did a good RP here, speaking well and developing your character (which you de very well). I enjoyed reading this one.

Blade:
Adding a darker twist to your character works (Interesting that it Coincides with a Possible Return of Rush) and I liked the thing about how everyone was basically Phoenix to you. I haven't really got much to say as far as this one goes but it was a back to basics style promo that worked. Well Done.

Doug Crashin:
Glad to see you've gone down the road of typing this up on Word beforehand. Your overall format just looks a lot smoother and reads better. Personally I enjoyed your description, character development and the entire RP if truth be told. Sad to see you taking time out and I hope the surgery goes well. You've left on a high note for sure.

Chris Beckford:
I love the way you write your RP's, it gives them a different feel to everyone else’s. That out of the way, I think you always do a good job making yourself a likable character and I feel that you're going to find yourself near the top of the card in the months to come. This was a fine RP from you.

Gordito:
Nice interaction between Gordito and Jack. You introduced this character well and I feel like the Gordito character has developed an intriguing personality (Holmes, Toyota & Gordito=Best Battle Royale of All Time). I've always enjoyed your character and I think that you're moving up the card at a faster than anyone could have predicted. Well done overall.

Constantine:
I don't know how everyone else feels but I preferred your previous one (The One that You Posted in the Random RP Thread). Not to take anything away from this one (Which as Still Good) but I think that the other one had more development, an intriguing plot to it and overall was just better. This was less wordy but I don't think it's enough for you to get the win.

Everyone who hasn't received feedback should do so within the next few days.

 

[Leeds Guy]

Jordan Lights vs Mr Baller - The first thing I notice is the RP is a little short and as I read it It feels rushed. You cover the basics well and do some nice research bringing up your past with Baller and Karzai. The most positve thing about the RP is you can tell Lights is focused on nothing else but Baller. As for the location, it's your usual in ring promo but I feel you could have used a bit more description as you come across quite Heelish from your entrance e.g: no interaction with fans etc. It wasn't bad but I've seen better from you.

Steven Holmes vs Willhelm Wunderbar vs Chris Jones - Plenty of description in the opening and I liked how you re-capped the events of last week. I also like how you set yourself a target of Championship gold however the line of The WHC may be a step too far for the Crashin Movement makes the Movement seem weak, especially as Kurtesy has had a few efforts at the Champion already. The preaching about you're doing this for the fans own good is great stuff and the line for Wunderbar is pretty cool. I think that this mayhem match up will be very good as all three of you have good RPs.

 

[a0161613]

Beckford: Very good. When the thing I can say that I dislike is that the dialogue has no description (it's minor) because when you do description, it's very good.

The character is coming across as so likeable and honest, that there is no need for him to have any extreme or unique personality traits. This works with your writing, which is fairly plain (not meant as a negative) but consistent. You deserve this chance and shows that creative seems to like you and trust you with this chance after our run. I think everyone thought that you might go backwards but you have shown this to be unnecessary by bouncing back.

Keep it up. I don't see any serious change needed to this change for you to prosper. I see you as a very serious potential constender for the Eurasian belt if you do not get the chance at AoN.

Constantine: I have to say, I think I also preferred the other one, but that was a more blatant rip off of JBL when he was feuding with Eddie Guerrero.

This was good though. It showed him to be devious (the imagery about the trapped mouse was awesome).

I think you could expand on the Mia character though. Her introduction was essential but we know nothing about her or her work with Constantine.

Showtime: I liked it. It leaves your current direction quite heelish, while not being completely clear. The change in tone was funny and it had the typical Showtime attitude. And I like the teasing of the announcement too.....

There were some spelling mistakes, but i thought the lack of description hurt it a little more.

 

[Барбоса]

Michael Winters: Some nice highlighting of the potential feud between Winters and Барбоса. I'm not sure if it is intentional but you show hints of the dark side in Winters that Барбоса is trying to exploit. Be careful though because such vengeful ideas come off as heelish.

Zakk Falcon : The cheekiness could be funny but it verged a bit too close to the sexual harassment line. The talk about Wilton was good for the most part but be careful to follow one of the abidding tenets of a promo - do not make your opponent look overly bad for if you beat him, what use does it do you and if you lose, how bad does that make you look?

DK Wilton : As has already been mentioned, I would have thought that this would have been better with Kensworth rather than Klamor. Aside from that, good stuff. I particularly liked the throwing back of the cowardice line, although recalling your taking one of the biggest men in the Battle Royale could leave you open to accusations of stupidity instead

Matt Hancock: A good two-part RP starting off a singles career that builds on a perfectly normal scenario of a tag team break up without relying solely on the basics. It also focuses on revenge but does not become overly heelish. I liked the cliffhanger too (unless longer standing members know who it is?).

John Watson: Again be careful about burying your opponent as a no-hoper. It is easy to do but not overly productive. Other than that, I liked the building of the Beast as an angry individual who will not tolerate his own failures or other people's mistakes. The relating of the goings on of the Contract Battle Royale was also good. A heel always needs to have an excuse for not winning and calling it a fluke works well. The warning to Bud Dakota also presents a possible future storyline.

Jalapeño: A little short and perhaps not 'spicy' enough for what I would perceive (correct me if I am wrong) as more of a hyperactive character. As has already been said, the blocks of text don't seem to fit with the 'spicy' character. Good focus on the opponent. "Meathead" seems to fit perfectly for the Beast. You were wary of going over the top too, particularly with regard to the Battle Royale for as you said there was little difference in your outings.

Wilhelm Wunderbar: A good heel RP. Thoroughly enjoyed reading it, especially the faint scent of hypocrisy when you address Holmes. Wunderbar seems just as aristocratic at times. Maybe break up your paragraphs for appearances sake with a space.

Steven Holmes: I would be wary of longer blocks of text but the content is more than enough to keep the reader intrigued. You set out your goals and a nice recap of past events. The German was also a very nice touch.

Chris Jones: I am a little confused as to whether this was a heel or face promo. However, the content was enough that this almost added more intrigue rather than detracted from it. Good interaction with your opponents. Some nice descriptive terms at the end and a good finishing line.

 

[a0161613]

Holmes, Wunderbar and Jones: Kind of banding you together because you all did similar work this round.

The structure for your Rps are there. With a good balance of description and dialogue and although the settings were simple, it didnt hold them back. Generally they were good pieces of work.

Jones: My problem is with the description - I'm glad it's there but it needs to exist for a reason. If he is sitting forward, why is he? If he is frustrated and agitated then how is that reflected in his movements?

Wunderbar: Besides the complete lack of description for the most part, I like this. I do think you should emphasise how German he is and how that is reflected in his behaviour and mannerisms.

Holmes: I think you nailed the balance here. The character came through a treat and you represented the Crashin Movement well. Regardless of what I think of what the group is about, I think you deserve the win here.

I do hope you can continue to develop the character. Bring up his background and more of his personality - even more of Regal-ness.

Jalapeno: Very much a plain RP, with an absolute lack of the personality that I was hoping and expecting to see. I imagine a hyperactive version of Curry Man. I think you need to work on your original vision for the character and evolve it.

 

[gd]

Winters

- You could go with straight color instead of including the names before everytime, or not. Just a preference, really
- Like the focus on the background and whatnot, especially since you're a new guy.
- Catchprhase at the end is always pleasin.
- Good stuff, overall. Short and to the point. Thumbs up.

pedobearbarbosa

-Quite emotional to start off. Well done
- The bipolar gimmick is quite awesome. Really unique and you could go a lot of ways with it.
- High quality stuff here. It was a really easy read and touched on everything you needed to. I reckon you'll be the victor this week.

Dick Wilton

- An obvious upset loss? Umm ... sure.
- What's your gimmick?
- Icarus, is that mythology? If so, clever.
- Probably should've used Kensworth instead of Klamor.

 

[Dhays9]

Note to the individuals I am feedbacking. I wrote this while reading so it is stuff I picked up while reading it. I'll add stuff at the end about how I feel your RP is as a whole.

John Watson:Alright, some of your back and forths about Jalapeno were good, however, be careful about how you do it as some just don't make sense or do not have a good.....flow i guess you could say.

I do like how you came off as a meat head (atleast I am hoping you were).

I like the mentioning of Dakota and how you are angry about being elimanted as it shows why you are mad in your interview and can set up a possible fued.

I don't like the Becca thing as people said before. If she has been here for so long why would she fall in love with a developmental guy. She is also a face and you are a heel which contradicts itself. Also, she is intimadated easily so you would have scared her with all your yelling.

Overall the RP had its highlights and disappointments. I say its an average.

Jalapeno:For some reason your short RP's don't bother me at all. However, I feel your RP was starting out as a tweener then went to a more heelish approach when you talked about your opponent.

I felt your first RP was better in terms of developing your character as I felt he was a hyper guy ready to wow the fans. Where as this RP I just felt he was another random guy on the roster.

Overall, I say below average (compared to your last one). You need to work on developing your character more and staying face throughout your RP.

Zakk Falcon: First off I love the day dreaming part as I find it humorous.

First off, I don't feel that your RP with Becky is really appropriate for these boards. I don't know if thats me but I know it states to limit the cussing in the RPs so I figure you should watch that to.

I do like how you addressed DK Wilton and wished your RP was more on that than Becky as that brought your whole RP down. I feel you could have done a lot better and that was due to the fact that your whole RP was on Becky's Breast. Again she has been in the fed for a long time and wouldn't go straight for a developmental guy.

Also, it brings down both your RP and Watson's RP as you both are trying to state that Becky is in love over you when well her character wouldn't be (atleast in my eyes) and it makes your RP sound similiar (in my eyes) which is not a very good thing.

Finally, the whole Becky part did not make you come off as a face. If your suppose to be one as I cannot really tell from your RP if your suppose to be a face or heel.

DK Wilton Don't understand your first part calling our someone who won when you got elimanated first. Also, I don't understand you calling yourself an old timer. It makes you look weaker in my eyes saying that your old. To me it comes off as you saying that your to old to make it.

Second thought. Who are you referring to as kid as it sounds like you then call him old timer which contradicts itself. Unless your Ep who's character is suppose to be confusing due to one factor or another please keep it clearer on who your talking about when.

I don't like the part where you yelled at Klamor as he does not seem like the person who would care and is therefore just seems awkward. Also, it makes you feel desperate as your trying to get on the camera at all cost.

Also, you never expanded your character. All you really did was come up and talk about the battle royal. I thought you were suppose to be a fallen musician and there was no hint there. You need to play off your gimmick more just like Jalapeno needs to do.

You never really talked about your opponent and when you did it was really short but well done.

Overall I say its alright probably average. My main arguement is to develop your character more. Make him that fallen musician as all he sounds like right now is a big ol cry baby.


THIS IS TO ALL THE POSTERS ABOVE: Use the NPC's as they are intended. Don't add to them or take away from there personalities. Also, don't make up your own romances when it does not fit the NPC. IF the NPC is a face and your heel don't have the NPC like you. If the NPC is a hard nose reporter don't make him come off as he is afraid of you.

USE THE NPC's CORRECTLY.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

There will be a third instalment so I will get to everyone:

Showtime:
I liked the use of the agent, I thought that was pretty good and I like the interaction with Leon. I always find your RP's a tad odd because there are points where you seem to just go on a rant and while that works at times, I'm not sure it did here. Overall this was good.

Reynolds:
I liked it but I think you could have separated it into two RP's. It felt like you were trying to set up the second part with the first and I feel that separating it would have been better. That being said this was a good read. You put a lot into your description and I like that. I also like the interaction. I also like the fact that you're not trying to be the likable face but one with attitude and that shows, especially in the latter part.

Ty:
Good work as always. This really just shows where Ty is in terms of his character following the title win. This contained a lot of basic stuff that was done really well. You focused on your current storyline (Gold Rush Tourney), your opponent and their storyline(s) and of course, the future. Throw in some nice witty banter and I think we have a good RP. Nice work.

Kurtesy:
This was different to what we’ve seen from you before and I'm still deciding whether or not I like it. On one hand I felt we still got some of the great description you can write, but on the other I was missing a lot of the character interaction. I liked the idea and the execution was there, will you win? That's one open for debate. Overall, Good Work.

Everest:
I enjoyed this one. You were answering your critics here. You went for the jugular with the T-Shirt, the setting and everything else. Perhaps you went a little too far for some tastes but I enjoyed it. You do what you do every week, churn out a solid, entertaining RP.

Phoenix:
I like how you always keep your RP's short and to the point. It makes you seem unique. I think it's really nice how we've seen Phoenix grow over the last few months and this RP is the coming of age RP, I would say. This is really all about stepping up to become the champion and I feel that you showed that well here.

 

[newc868]

Just some thoughts from my match:

Justin Cooper - I enjoyed reading your RP. It was entertaining, you shifted from point to point quite well and as heel you obviously dug into your opponents. One thing I saw were a few spelling mistakes (I'm a grammar Nazi) and another thing I found difficult to comprehend was the shift from a MTV Cribs type start to full on promo.

I think you could've done some more if you'd kept the Cribs like style and overall I think it would've been better for it but that's just my opinion.

Ferbian - Another RP I liked but there is room for improvement. Obviously I loved the Brad Bomb part ( ) and not just because it's my character but because I like face animosity. You can't just throw two faces together and hope they'll get along fine and dandy - especially after something happened the week before. As for the interview part - it felt too short and lacked a bit of oomph. I think at the start you can take a lot more risks in what you try to do so just unleash the writing flow.

Sam Smith - Ok I get that he's extremely arrogant and loved the part where he tried to blame the light being in his eye and also when he shifted from 1st to 3rd person in that one part of text, once again - loved it. It really pushed the RP a little bit to show that he loves to here his own name. Although I'm not sure of the gimmick here. Are you an experienced wrestler masquerading as a newbie (like Bryan Danielson)? or are you just an arrogant s.o.b?

Hays - it's a strong heel promo and you do reference mine and Ferbian's earlier RP but I think this wasn't a good thing. I know Ferbian's doesn't show the time-scale but my RP happens pretty much directly before my music hits. Now I'm not sure where MD46 is being held but unless you could teleport, you wouldn't make it to the arena. I'm just one for consistency.
Other than that - I liked it. You came across as strong and determined. You built the character well through the desire to be number one and it was a strong read.

Brad Bomb - What an awesome RP. Would read over and over again. Brilliant gimmick and saved to my shortcuts just like your last RP.

 

[a0161613]

Brad Bomb: Decent, the structure was there and like I said above, it's important to nail that. I think for a new guy, establishing the gimmick / characteristics important. I liked the boxercise thing and the fact that he is ticking bundle of energy.

Need to work on your spacing though, some lines were out of sync. Either keep them together or leave a line.

 

[The Crock]

Cooper - Solid RP, came off very well. Kept up a solid heel vibe throughout the whole thing, definitely solid.

Hays - Yet another good RP. You were consistent and it didn't seem rushed or anything, you got a lot of information out.

Ferbs - Great job man. Great to see some animosity between faces, not your average encounter between faces. Good read, you're also keeping your character very consistent... not jumping around.

Bomb - Like Numbers said, the boxing thing is really working for you, your guy is really energetic, or so it seems. Keep up the good work, just make sure to have good organization to your RPs.

More to come later.

 

[The Crock]

Reynolds (Numbers) - Excellent RP, great little scene you set. I enjoyed the humor you had in the first part, lightened up the whole RP really. I loved the promo at the house show, you were so descriptive I felt as if I was right there in the arena with you. One of the best I've read yet.

Beckford (Leeds Guy) - Good job, man. I liked the small bits of drama in there, the whole part about losing your manager was gold. I also enjoyed that you were taking questions from your fans, really makes your guy seem down to earth.

 

[The Crock]

Constantine (Dave) - Really descriptive, quite enjoyable little read. The setting was great, I could pretty much envision what you were saying. Now, I enjoyed you comparing WZCW to a rat race, I could see where you were trying to go with that. Very well done.

 

[The Crock]

Big Dave (Phoenix) - Very well done, I expected no less from the Head of Creative. I could really sense your guys anger over not being able to challenge for the World Heavyweight Championship, he seemed very threatening. I loved the last line, "...we'll see who the real Killjoy is."

 

[a0161613]

Phoenix/Big Dave: Short and Sweet. It got across everything that it had to. The story is simple and that is what makes it potentially effective booking. (I kinda hope you don't win the LL and earn it the long way.)

The only thing I want to see from this one is more description to compliment the emotion that you put across with the words, which would have put this RP out of the park.

 

[Dave]

Wunderbar (Remix): I liked this but I felt that it was somewhat long-winded. At times, I felt as though you were repeating things that you had said previously and it would have made more sense to tie them into what you were saying earlier rather than having to repeat yourself. That being said, I enjoyed it. The Kaiser is a good character and I feel as though you have a good understanding of the mentality of the character. What you were saying is things that I would have expected you to target but without being predictable.

All in all, it was a solid RP.

Reynolds (Numbers): Again, I felt it could have been a little bit shorter but that is completely subjective. The RP itself was pretty damn good, to be honest. There was parts that I felt were completely unneeded. For instance, I didn’t get the part at the beginning. To me, it just seemed strange that you would reference something like this and then not mention it again. Then again, it added some more environment to the RP.

The content itself was really good and although every second line was a pun about being cancelled and the like, I found it to be a good RP. All in all, it was a good effort and probably enough to pick up a win. However, I just felt like it should have been cut down and not a trial for people to read. I found myself being blown away at how much you had written but felt it should have been separated by chapters at least.

The other thing is that I must finish off your streak! It's killing me! If I manage to scrape out of Ascension as the winner or not pinned, me and you will be facing off and something has to give...

 

[a0161613]

Crock: While generally I don't like it when new guys says they are the best or the king of the company, but the gimmick and the dialogue does make it work. And I love the ambition.

I think you could have attacked him more. His nickname is the Justice and everything about you means you should be able to attack everything about him and his nature. You are effectively two sides of the same coin.

But generally this is very good and I did enjoy it - short and sweet.

Ferbs: I can't pick up on it but Ferbian is an absolutely likeable character. Beckford has it too in many ways.

Like I said in the other thread, the promo is lacking. You will need to practice being nice in character but having an effective promo at the same time. But you have shown enough already that you are good enough to learn in time.

But there is something about your character and your writing that makes me think you will end up an absolute success here.

 

[The Crock]

Dave (Constantine): GREAT RP! You delved into a part of Constantine we'd never seen before. Constantine, the hero that he is, tries to help. He may come off as a bit of an egomaniac, but he is very comfortable talking in front if all those people. You really let his personality shine through. Also, Mia seems to be his "security blanket". Whenever he needs comfort, she's there. Well done.