RP Feedback Thread

[Hyorinmaru]

Dave (Constantine): This being the first of your RPs I've read I can't go into much detail on your character. I did however love this RP. What I look for in an RP is Building your character up and then bringing them down again and you do this very well.

Another thing I look for is Character development. Again after reading a few of your past RPs I can tell you got this part down as well.

Usually I like to give a pointer on what a person can do to make their RPs better but honestly I can't think of anything you can do to make it better. Awesome job

(Expect me to edit in more feedback tommorrow)

 

[The Encore]

Milenko - Very good promo, one of my favorites. You established your character and his gimmick very well, with him being a Juggalo and all. As well as when you were using college students & little kids, you made both dialogs very different which made it very likable. All in all I would give you a nice 9.5/10 on that promo. BTW That Layout/font style.. I'm going to steal it

 

[Dave]

Sam Smith (Crock): I don’t really know what to make of this but I enjoyed it. The thing about most RP’s around here, is that no one will take a chance and do something different. You will notice that the people who are doing the best work and are higher up in the company, wont have RP’s that solely consist of them sitting in a dark room and talking to an interviewer whilst they pass questions at them. To be honest though, I liked this one. A lot of people tend to overdo it when they try an RP like this but I felt it was a good length and full of substance.

What I will say though, is take a chance with the next RP. Take Smith out of his comfort zone and give him a story to use. Tie that story into your message and your RPs will be much more interesting.

Cory Allen (Milenko): Given that all the n00bs are raving about this RP, I thought I might check it out for myself. Really though, this was a really vanilla RP. Numbers said it in the discussion thread and I tend to agree with him. A lot of it really didn’t make sense and at times, I felt as though you needed a soapbox as you tried to convince people about the legitimacy of your way of thinking. I enjoyed parts of it but other parts just made no sense. For example, why would 20 ICP kids be standing outside the show? Or why is Allen outside and taking off his shirt but then back inside to switch on his music at the end?

It was good and the formatting should make some waves. It could use some work though.

 

[Da Prophet]

I'm bored so here is some feedback on RP's that are up.

Constantine: Well let me first say I love the character. One of the reasons I started reading WZCW again. Your RP's are something I always wait for, and love to read. So lets get to this one, from the beginning you have good description. I like the way you talk about streaks, and how yours will never be seen again in wrestling. Everything just flowed really for me, and I liked it. Well done.

Steven Holmes: I thought this was a great idea for an RP, having people sign a petition to get rid of the Mayhem division. Good idea since Holmes has seemly failed to do it in the ring. You talk about Doug, which is something I believed had to be said in at least one of the two members of the Movements RP's. You got straight to the point say that he wasn't gone but just not wrestling. I like the use of the MIB situation that happened, very cool.

Michael Winters: First off, I wasn't a fan of having the dream about the "dead wife". I wouldn't bring it up very often, as it is something people could really use against you. But if I join it together with the second part it does make sense. I again like the use of the Father, he seems to be a smart guy. I could really feel the sadness that was coming from Winters. Asking if he was going to be forgiven, or if this was all for nothing. Very good.

Ferbian: I like the use of Marcus, he did come off as an old friend. Someone who has been with you all your life. I liked how he didn't seem to know much about your career so far. How he thought you should just go back to being an investor full time. I also liked how you said you must prove yourself to the people and the wrestlers. Which as said before, make your character seem likeable.

 

[Барбоса]

Baez: Quirky as always. I really liked the complaints about beating Big Dave but not getting a EurAsian title shot. An attack on the lack of logic that exists in ALL wrestling. Even if it was not meant that way, I also liked the hypocrisy of Baez ridiculing Барбоса as weird. The only things I would question is Baez' glibness again in the face of an opponent. He did it last week against Big Dave too. Also Барбоса is almost certainly not Catholic. His latest RP was an attack on Catholicism... which leads me to...

Michael Winters: Again I liked the conflict within Winters in that he wants to portray this reformed, clean cut character but clearly still has internal issuses; issues that sometimes come to the surface such as refering to Барбоса as having suffering from a plague with little evidence of feeling sorry for him. I would still be very careful about such descriptions of your opponents as they can easily come off as heelish in a "better than you" type way.

Seeing as how you are starting to use the Father consistently, I would ask that you read Барбоса's latest offering for his match against Baez in case you have any problems with it

 

[ABMorales787]

Ferbian:

You're new, so it fits the bill to not know your characters all that well. But just don't let it become a habit. I'm not saying that you did wrong in having low focus on your opponent, I'm saying it as a tip as you progress. As your character develops, so should your knowledge of your surroundings.

As for the rest, you did well in establishing your character and your body guard. You are an investor who enjoys fitness and wrestling and your RP established it well with the scenery and the story told. Good job.

Chris Beckford/Leeds Guy:

You went from gloomy and depressed over your losses to optimistic and motivated over the course of an RP. Of course that's great. You're a face. Optimism is the backbone of a face character and you defiantly showed it well here. However the actual writing seems a bit bland for me. I tend to hate reading, so if it doesn't attract me by colors or shapes, it can turn me off.

 

[Leeds Guy]

Ferbian vs Chris Beckford - I like this, plenty of description throughout the RP and you come across as a face which past developmental faces have failed to do. The layouts good and the formatting works well. I like how you left some suspense and thought for future RPs in regard to what happened in 2003. You speak about Beckford briefly but it works well considering you're new to WZCW. Good stuff here man.

Blade vs DK Wilton - Nice bit of history to kick the RP off, this week we find Blade in a reflective mood...wait Ballers been around that long...shocking. I like how you compare what happened with Baller to your match up with DK. I like how you have given Blade targets as it is the time of year where everybody should be focusing on Lethal Lottery and Kingdom Come. You had me legit laughing with your rant about rookies. Overall its a fantastic RP.

Baez vs Barbosa - First thing that strikes me is the layout, personally I think its horrible, Blue and Purple rarely work well. I loved the interaction with Leon, I think that is one of the strongest parts of your writing as it's not the first time you have hit gold with this. I like how you played up the win over Big Dave as it's a fantastic achievement for your character. I also like how you have given yourself the goal of getting the EurAsian championship. Good stuff other than the layout which in my opinion is horrid.

Austin Reynolds vs Constantine - I like how you have taken a play from Constantines book with the address. I also like how you brought up what happened the first time you met Constantine on the Ratings Spike, its a good idea with so many new people here they can get a feel of where this all began. Really good stuff.

Constantine vs Austin Reynolds - Much of the normal from you here which is always good. One thing I thought you could have addressed was the fallout from Ascension and the Gold Rush tournament. As I'd imagine Constantine to be fuming about that, and yet you fail to mention anything about it. I like how you focused on the streak as this is why Constantine seems so incensed with beating Reynolds. Nice to see a bit of development and explaination with Mia as well. Good stuff. Going to be a close match.

 

[newc868]

Scott Hammond - I loved the RP and when I say love - I do mean it. There was a brilliant mixture of the slightly serious in pointing out last week's happenings and The Crashin Movement but the comedy parts stole the show. To imagine a 400 pound Japanese sumo wrestler motorboating a stripper is just brilliant. As I said before - loved the RP and I think I've lost this week.[/B]

Ferbian - the use of Marcus was well done and it's another solid RP. He helped establish a back-story to your character and I like that use of the feature. You then establish the primary drive of your character now and I can feel the determination to win - although it seems a little too intrinsic? It seems like this you proving something for you. You're not doing it for anyone else and that generally strikes me as a heel quality. I don't know really, it just has an air of heel-ish about it. I'll more than gladly retract the comment with relevant examples (I'm sure there are some).

Michael Winters - Despite the fact that I've seen you've got same rave reviews so far, I hadn't read anything of yours up until this point. I liked it. It was some back-story and as I mentioned in Ferbs - I like that. It adds more depth to the character. To know their past, you can engage with them better. Once again, like Ferbian, you go from the past to engage in the present. You establish your gimmick in the second half and it's done without any recognisable fault to my eyes. Although - I want to know more about Rachael...

Chris Beckford - The RP decent. It lacked the colour and other formatting features but that makes it better because it reads more like a soliloquy and therefore more personal. It glides easily from part to part and you get a slight feel of the pressure on Beckford as he dissects each and every situation that you can see in WZCW at the moment. The mentioning of development, the EurAsian, the Gold Rush tournament, to your match against Ferbian - every holds an equal importance almost. It's a decent RP. It hits the spots. It gets you going. It establishes you but to me it lacks that oomph. Lacks that something that just transcends it from rant. Anyways - I like it.

 

[Leeds Guy]

Brad Bomb vs Brothers in Arms - Nice description to start things off. I don't like the light colours used. Light colours are usually a pain in the arse to read. Nice bit of interaction between the Barmaid and Brad. I like how you keep it very descriptive throughout. I love the conversation with Brad's Gran, it's a nice little way to take the RP. I feel you could have mentioned your opponents more and even address what happened last week in the battle Royal in more detail. Perhaps even given yourself a direction of where you want to be in the federation.

Barbrosa vs Baez - ...Crazy is a word I'd use to describe this. It's very good stuff though. I love how you delve into each of the personalitys which ultimately shits the priest up as it would do anybody else. I like how you addressed Michael Winters aswell covering what happened last week. If I had a criticism it's that you didn't really mention Baez. The guy has pretty much owned the Mayhem division for the past few months and with him being your next opponent you don't speak about him at all. Overall though good stuff.

 

[Super Crazy]

Gordito - This is my first time reading one of your Rps and I have to say I like your style. It comes across well. On to the actual RP though. I like how you acknowledge how this is the biggest chance you've had in WZCW and you need to focus. Reading this RP I can really tell you've connected with your character. You do a good job of talking about both Phoenix and Ty, and it balances out. Good luck in your match.

Phoenix - Excellent RP this week. You've always been a consistent RPer. Good work using the beetles as an example of the mayhem division. By putting down the division, you also put down Gordito, yet at the same time you show signs of slight respect for him. Yet in the end you still show that same confidence and strength that you always seem to have. Good work.

Big Dave - Good summation of last week's events with Baez and Everest. I like how you take cracks at Baez and Everest , and Jalapeno. You can feel the anger and emotion from Big Dave. This is a very strong RP, great job.

Reynolds - I like how the basis of your RP is essentially mocking Constantine. Good work bringing up the history you and Constantine have. This is going to be a huge match and you do a good job acknowledging that in the RP. Another solid RP from you.

Beckford - I like this new style of RP that you have done. Going into the mind of the wrestler, rather then having him speak is something different, and you do it really well. I like how you compare yourself to other wrestlers, including Ty, saying that the EurAsian Championship is a great stepping stone and things like that. I love the confidence at the end too. The one thing I would differently is format it a bit different if you try this again, as it looks very plain and bland to the eyes.

 

[ABMorales787]

Low_Ki/Scott Hammond:

Great way to solidify your unity as a tag team. Tremendous work on that. However, you failed in mentioning your opponents. You'll need your partner to cover that ground.

I fail in responding to tag team RP's, let's just get that out of the way.

Nuke/Brad Bomb:

Great formatting. You need to pick your colors better, they are too light. The RP was great in storytelling, but lacked focus on your partner and your next match. Which is the point of RPing for this match. That can cause problems, because there is nothing to write on once a show comes along. You need to always remember that the most important thing when telling a story in an RP is to always address your next movement and not recap so much what you already did.

Dave/Constantine:

And I thought you were just another guy. I love basic work and most of this RP is basic heel work. Hence why I love it. You twist your words to sound good even though you mean wrong. That adds to the obvious heel tactics used here. Constantine is a very basic character, yet so unique here that it makes his absolutely wonderful. Great RP.

Austin Reynolds/Numbers:

Yet another great RP build around your basic work. This time for a face. I absolutely loved it. This is gonna be a very close one to call. This is the kind of promo work the new guys should look into as it establishes a wrestling persona instead of an every day character. Great job.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Ferbian:
This is a solid well rounded RP developing your character further whilst also using Marcus in a good way. I like the self-doubt, showing off a more human side of Ferbian whilst also providing some motivation. This is pretty good overall.

Beckford:
I liked the route you went here. I liked how you started off with the word failure. It's simple yet effective. Your face persona shined through in the end though and that's exactly what was expected and needed. This worked well and this is an enjoyable RP.

Baez:
Please Don't Italicise Comic Sans, it looks very odd. There's a little bit of a heel seeping through in this and I find that to be interesting as you take on someone who's in fact even more unpredictable than yourself. I find this to be more about development as you're at a cross roads at this moment and I liked that. Nice One.

Барбоса:
Another interesting RP from you here. Your character is undeniably original and I do like it. It's got a nice core but a total and utter jagged edge that comes off as more tweener than heel but still. You perhaps focus on your previous opponent a little too much and could do with more focus on Baez. Overall this is good and is going to be an interesting contest.

Winters:
You're making waves and it's obvious why. The character is good, defined but only to an extent which is great and there's a real sense that this could go anywhere. The Dead Wife Dream is some-what strange but seems to work as part of the inner turmoil. I see a bright future for you.

Baller:
This one seems a tad strange to me because the first part seems like something that you should have put in your first RP back. You do cover all the bases but only briefly and while that works for some, I didn't really get the feel of a complete RP here and thus I'm not sure your going to win this one. Nice Try Though.

Reynolds:
This is an interesting idea. I like the idea of using the magazine article as a reference point to go forward with. That's a solid idea and I feel you used it well. Overall you're really becoming one of the top faces in the company and a future world title feud isn't too far away for you. Great Stuff.

Constantine:
Is Constantine becoming the Dictator of a Small Country in South America because that's what I see in his future. This was another good piece from you and an improvement on your last one. I honestly think this could be one of the closest matches in WZCW to date. I don't envy the people who have to chose between you two.

 

[Dhays9]

Ferbian:First off I like the way that you are trying to develop your character. However, I feel you are just showing how much you don't deserve to win by saying it over and over. Also, you might wanna re read your RP before posting it as you stated the same thing quite frequently with only one or two sentences in between. Also, I enjoyed the ending however I felt the transistion to not be your best. IMO its kinda awkward as you went from totally in despair to a glimmer of hope in one sentance (similing looking for papers) then total desipair then hope again. The glimmer of hope with the similing is what really made it feel weird though.

Constantine:Holy shit!!!! This is probably the best RP I have read in the history of me reading. You made all the emotions of of the characters come to life and I could feel that I was watching this scene on the local news as I was reading it. I don't have much else to say as it was awesome.

 

[ABMorales787]

Ty Burna:

The way I see it, this RP lays you out as a the heel going into the match, but the tweener as an overall character. Given the uprise of talent that's a good move because it lets your character have a more diverse interaction with others due to you not having an affiliation as face or heel. That shows well as you face Gordito. The helped lay down what's important and that's the Heavyweight title. Even though you pointed out that Gordito had to be placed over even though he lost, you still put him over pretty well by saying he is well liked.

Great job and great contrast for the World Champion. All bases covered: 9/10

DirtyJose/Gordito:

Going back on this page, you can see I always liked your style. It was a natural and easy going babyface character. And now a few months later he's challenging foe the World title. Well done. I really liked this RP. You show no fear and don't lose your focus one bit, but still keep your character's upbeat charm and happy-go-lucky attitude. It's long but very straight forward. All I can say is good luck. Win or lose, you did a great job. And I'm picking you over the champion, so you can't say I'm kissing up.

10/10

 

[ABMorales787]

Numbers/Austin Reynolds Part 1:

Your character plays a great face. He seems like a great sportsman that way. Basic talk always gets to me. But I don't think it looked well to have the narrative go into such detail as to what Reynolds is feeling, because I feel that is something the character himself should say. Whether it's through gestures or through speech, I don't think the narration should explain more than the character.

6/10

Numbers/Austin Reynolds Part 2:

This second one has the same detail about the narrative as the first.

Austin firmly believed that Showtime was being affected by some sort of mental disorder which provoked his inner narcissus.

That feels like a bit too much of an explanation for something that's just supposed to dictate the atmosphere.

I also felt this one was a bit directionless and just had Austin rambling for a bit.

4/10

Showtime:

Your 2 RP's would make a killer hype video. You did a phenomenal job in going through facts about you and Austin. You show more of a tweener character, and I guess it's OK given your opponent is playing a face. You deifnantly did a good job laying out why you think you are better. And all the flashback videos were a nice touch.

9/10

 

[The Encore]

DK's Cream of The Crop -

Barbosa: You are really becoming character here in the WZCW, as new as I am. But I must say you are going a very good way. I would say I'm the Edge type of character and you are truly the Mick Foley/Mankind. If we were to collide, crazy shit would happen. But onto your RP. Your various faces of yourself really shined through in this one. Like your past RP's this one was a treat. And it was a good example of how an RP should be especially given the situation THE LOCKER ROOM is in. As for All Or Nothing.. Great Job!

8.5/10


Toyota: This RP was seriously the funniest I've yet to read. Right from the get go it shows how much of a dynamic person you are in character. You could either be some monster or one hell of a comedy segment. The interactions with Leon & Toyota was merely influential in comedic ways. Displayed how Leon was feeling when he thought Toyota was doing cocaine at first, displayed that "Deer in the headlights" type of moment. I loved it.

9/10

Constantine: Very dramtic, intense feeling RP that you gave us for this round. Honestly I enjoyed it as well. Not much I can say, but I'm glad you focused in on what you focused on. Although I felt it was missing something, I can't really put my finger on it at all! Left me hanging there, I really want to know the fate of those men. You could take that angle you left it at and pretty much go anywhere's with it. You could be leading an army, become a dictator, hell you could even start a faction with yours truly. The possibilities are endless.

9/10

 

[Coco]

My first batch of feedback for this round is here. Enjoy. Or don't.

John Constantine

-Your description is superb and some of the best in the fed. Delicious as always, sir.
-Sound promo and you played your hand exactly how you should have in regards to your loss, your new partnership, and the upcoming shows.
-Aside from the suggested hangings, which were a little extreme, I think this was a home run.

Bottom Line: Dig it. Also, I’ll take one of those vengeance frosted beers.

Steven Holmes

-Plastic surgery is no laughing matter.
-I might have placed the conversation with the parents before the introduction by the father and then followed it by the big speech. I think that would have allowed the segment to flow more naturally.
-Nice to see that the tag belts continue to be touted as world titles.
-You did a fine job establishing what you’re all about in the speech and building towards the Lethal Lottery. A little more could have been done to mention the numbers game which gives you a huge advantage, but it’s probably best left to let faces bitch about this instead.
-Your speech didn’t always flow flawlessly. A little revision here and there would be a good idea in the future to make sure everything comes off as natural. That said you’ve come a long way since pointlessly crying to Chris Jones.

Bottom Line: A good promo that didn’t always flow as well as it could have.

DK Wilton

-I don’t care for your explanation regarding your loss to Blade. You lost because of how deeply you wanted the win? I know what you were trying to say, but it just doesn’t ring true to me. Sorry.
-Minor formatting issues in the interview with Kensworth. Be on the lookout for such things. You have a week to bang this bad boy out. Don’t rush.
-Questionable grammar aside, I like where you were going with the jabs at Winters. More of that please.
-I like the fact that, at the very least, you seem to have an idea where you want your character headed.

Bottom Line: In the future, try to put a more finite and unique stamp on your promos. “Inspired to be innovative” isn’t exactly something I’ll remember in five minutes. Say something. Don’t be too general if you can help it.

Also, see if you can get a little more outrageous with what you’re saying, if only to make your promos more palatable. Watching you compare Father Winters and Father Christmas? Now there’s a young guy ripe with potential to be amusing. Watching you talk about how your destiny is to, in a very general sense, inspire? You’re not exactly blowing my skirt up, buddy. Be the ridiculous things about pro-wrestling and have fun with this.

Where should you go from here? If I were writing your next promo, I’d declare my ultra-absurd intention to E-WZCW-GOT and then run down my opponents for not being as multi-talented as myself. Now that’s a direction!

On a final note, focus on the basic mechanics of writing and ensure that your dialogue will sound proper when spoken. Not to be insulting, but it never hurts to polish up one’s work.

Barbosa

-I love your character and I love how you pull it off. This is just another great example of you improving every week and this was another great step in showing everyone the uniquely well-defined internal strife which exists in your character.
-Your promo here did a good job leaving your options open. One Barbosa here could easily drag the other two into hostile cahoots with a tag team partner while the other two seem poised to pursue other endeavours. In doing this, you’ve really painted yourself (in my eyes, at least) as an asset for creative. There’s really no direction Barbosa can travel which wouldn’t be consistent with some part of his character.
-You pulled the humor off very well, something which always adds to a promo.

Bottom Line: You’ve taken a complicated character and in only a few rounds found a VERY strong voice for him (or them). I’m not on creative, but with performances like this I can think of no reason why you won’t be racking up the wins in the very near future. You’re on the right track and you should know it.

Alex Bowen

-Could I have done without the lengthy intro before your brother showed up? Yes. The answer is yes.
-I find it odd that you chose black for your dialogue and color for descriptive text. I don’t think everyone needs to be a conformist, but this threw me off multiple times when you consider how most other RPers use black text. Very distracting.
-I like that you’re expressing renewed purpose and a feeling that being in WZCW is being part of the conversation now. That’s all well and good. However, in lieu of overall quality comparable to Barbosa’s RP or even focus on a potential opponent as was the case in DK’s promo, this felt like it was lacking something. To me, this was overlong considering how empty I felt it was. More attention should have been paid to potential Madness and Anarchy going-ons considering how little seemed to have been accomplished in your promo.

Bottom Line: Less mundane fluff, more focus on what exactly it is you’re going to be dealing with in WZCW, opponent wise and/or match wise. As I said to DK, find something finite to say and cling to it. Not to be insulting, but if you aren’t the kind of writer who does the mundane stuff well, then you’re best off finding something interesting to say content-wise and roll with that. It’s a promo strategy I would say is akin to spot-monkeyism, but I’m very guilty of it and I would have to say it’s an effective plan.

Ferbian

-I like that you mention how it was your move that facilitated Baller’s win at All or Nothing. It shows that you ARE good enough to win a match. In fact, I might have even thrown another sentence on the matter in there to stress the point that All or Nothing was evidence that you CAN win a match, and you just about did exactly that. If you have a good point like that to make, run with it. It’s a legitimate bone that creative had thrown you, IMO. You shouldn’t be afraid to use it.
-I like the bit about the older, more experienced men being your employees. Exactly the sort of strong shit I’d be stressing just a little more than you are. Don’t beat it to death either, but add maybe another sentence just to make sure everybody knows what the end result is when you hit your stride.
-Minor grammar errors. I don’t wanna be a Nazi about this, but take the time you have to look over it.
-Once again, you aren’t going as far as you should. You flirt with explaining why the unknown element that’s involved in this week’s shows favor you, but you don’t take it all the way.

Bottom Line: I like this and don’t like it at the same time. I like it because you’re clearly headed in the correct direction when you look at the broad stokes of the promo and what you’re saying in general. But you fall short in some of the finer points. Don’t just flirt with your ideas. Really say them to their fullest. Go balls out, essentially. That’s part of what’s really going to make your RPs undeniable come voting time, IMO.

 

[Coco]

Second batch of Coco feedback for the round.

Blade

-Black Ops is the big game at the mo'. Couldn't have worked that into the promo, you silly goose?
-The way you ran down several members of the roster at once was well-played and the sort of thing that always tickles me. Dig it.
-Probably my favorite All or Nothing reflections of the round to this point. You're all over the place from the coffee and extremely bitter, but this still comes off as an amusing piece of business that flows well. It's not without its charm.
-You connected Madness and Anarchy to your frustrations very effectively.

Bottom Line: This promo is a winner. I look forward to seeing who you face.

Chris Beckford

-Well, generic it was. That said, it was fundamentally sound and well written. A look back at your win, a moment to appreciate what it means to you, and a look forward. You say it's short, but it was what it needed to be and it was well written. What more could you say? It's not like you were going to take the moment to randomly jump into a blood feud with someone for no particular reason.

Bottom Line: A sound, to-the-point piece of business and a refreshing contrast to all these other people who are wrapped up in their master plans and their major feuds.

Chris Jones

-I think that attacking this poor individual was uncalled for and was your way of creating an impact your words simply could not (possibly a shortcoming of your writing?). It was a little extreme for my taste. Extremely criminal to boot. So not exactly my favorite tactic to garner heat.
-That said, I sure am giving you enough of it, you sick bastard.

Bottom Line: Well written and very heelish but perhaps a tad over the line.

Scott Hammond

-You've done a fine job expressing frustration with the Movement's success while at the same time cutting a darn fine promo on them. So points for that.
-Great touch wishing for your ideal opponent. T'was a tactic used to sway votes going into the various fan voting PPVs the WWE put on, and it also gives a bit of flavor to promos for an event like this. I dig that.
-I could do without yet another priest related promo, but that's just because we've had Barbosa and Winters using that tool in recent rounds. Still, you executed your idea well, so that can't be faulted.

Bottom Line: Solid, logical step forward.

Wasabi Toyota

-Zebra print? Finger sucking? Pure Columbian goodness? Facts about biology? Yep, this has the usual Wasabi Toyota charm.
-See, people are always yelling in wrestling but people rarely ever jump in reaction to this. Great take on pro-wrestling absurdity.
-You maintain the usual Toyota charm while cutting down the Movement and do a fine job explaining why you're gonna murder someone in the name of all that is pure and good at Madness and Anarchy.

Bottom Line: Dig it.

Baez

-I think the figure is actually closer to 182 and seven tenths. Still, good point.
-Salamander nuts. Also a good point.
-Ass kicking can be love. Depends what you're into.
-Nice and insane like usual with plenty of random jabs at things that make no sense.

Bottom Line: You stay true to the Baez I know while giving the past and the future plenty of attention. Can't go wrong with this.

 

[Барбоса]

John Constantine
Let me get one thing straight - I love Constantine. You write the articulate villain so well and I find him so simplistically compelling. However, and I may be in the vast minority and somewhat hypocritical given my own recent RPs, I have found your last two RPs to be unnecessarily graphic, relying more on what is happening around Constantine rather than what he is actually saying.

I still enjoyed it, particularly with the reveal of these five condemned men being your opponents at AoN, but I personally would have rather had Constantine sitting in his study, perhaps with Showtime, and commenting on how he made the best of a bad situation and yet still talking about how the AoN 5 have signed their own death warrants.

Chris Beckford
While this was generic, it was the perfect kind of RP for a new champion who does not know who his next challenger is going to be. However, I do think that there was a slight missed opportunity. For a brief second, I thought we were about to get a DVD-style alternative commentary from Beckford and Leon about the entire Six Pack Match. The "quotation" boxes could have been interspersed with questions from Leon and comments from the new champion instead of those of the commentators at AoN. That way you could easily have worked in your thoughts not only about winning the title but also your thoughts on pinning Constantine and the other guys in the match from whom your next challenger will likely come from

Hunter Kravinoff
I always liked Hunter's character but now rather than being a Kraven the Hunter rip off I think he has a proper direction of his own. The combination and danger of an uncivilised man who suddenly discovers civilisation but finds the vast majority of it to be detestable is truly deep. Furthermore this civilised barbarian then decides to latch onto a part of 'civilisation' in Freudian thought that would have him follow baser instincts, making the civilised Kravinoff even more barbaric than his original self. That irony is just delicious, as is the accompanying sig. Great stuff.

DK Wilton
My feedback about this would mirror much of what Coco has already said. Instead of trying to straddle the boundary between clever and funny, just go full bore into the amusing heel character. You mentioned Edge in your feedback for me and I hope that you meant the Edge of "Edge and Christian" rather than the "Rated-R Superstar" because that kind of borderline goof could be great in the Mayhem division or in a tag team

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Toyota: This was definitely a wonder to behold. The idea was excellent and well executed with Leon making the perfect character to play-off. I would be interested to see the reactions of both Kravinoff & Hammond to the sugar and perhaps there could be more to it than Toyota is letting on. You showed the rage of Toyota well here with a distinct focus on the Crashin's. Overall, very good.

Kravinoff: First of all, welcome back. Second, let's all forget that Chris Jones promo ever happened; I'd rather not remember it. Anyway, this was a strong return RP. You managed to address that you are in fact a loner in the ring (not out of it as you always have Sigmund) and no longer wish to partner with Toyota. You also addressed the Crashin's which I was a tad disappointed by as I would liked to have seen you talk about possibly focusing your rage upon them. End of the day; Very Nice!

Hammond: Interesting setting choice here. At first I wasn't sure because I felt with Michael Winters also around it would be a little repetitive. However, upon reading it again, I actually thought it worked well and was clearly different to the way Winters uses the theme in his. You managed to stay focused and on topic without veering off and away from the main subject. Overall a good RP.

Constantine: First off, I love the setting. Second, I'm going to have to say I wasn't a big fan of you moving towards the 'Salvation' angle. I thought it wasn't a good idea at the time and I still don't so to see this is intriguing to me. You take a portion of that character and fused it with the older character to showcase a better, less generic and better rounded character. Not you’re best but a good RP none-the-less.

 

[DirtyJosé]

DK Wilton - Random RP

This is what the Random RP thread is for. I never caught on with why Leon is tied to DK in this RP, but I do like the prima donna attitude coming from DK. I liked the line about "swag"; I think that "I'm cooler than cool" rockstar attitude is perfect for him. I like gimmicks that can still work as effectively whether the performer is winning matches or losing them. This gimmick will work both ways.

For the future, I'd recommend reading up on RPs from Doc/Max Karzai as a starter to kind of get the feeling for what has been done before (just remember that Karzai was a face...you get to have much more fun as a heel). You very clearly want DK to stick out as an asshole artsy-fartsy type elitist, and I think it will do you good to know how high the bar has been set before so that you know how over the top DK needs to be.

Every RP of yours is an improvement on the last. Keep it up.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Austin Reynolds: Strong RP here. You dealt with the loss of your title as you would the breakup of a relationship and that worked out pretty well I thought. You addressed the situation well and made sure to use both Madness & Anarchy, drawing it back to Showtime & Constantine. The use of Beckford was also interesting. Showing a respect between the two of you whilst still being pissed at his appearance. Overall I enjoyed this one.

Baez: I must admit that I did laugh at the yelling joke. I thought it was pretty funny and I thought the build up to that was good. I like your comedy/humour and it worked out here. You took a different route to most of us and delivered a good piece talking about the situation you're currently in. Good all round RP.

Blade: I like the relationship on sorts you've built up between yourself and the female backstage staff. It adds an extra element to this one and it's very entertaining. The shot at Crashin was...very strange. I get the *********ion thing but why didn't you pick someone like Barbosa who is a nutcase and likely to do something like that? Seemed odd and slightly misplaced. The talk about destiny intrigued me. End of the day this is an entertaining and well executed RP. Nice job.

Chris Beckford: You took your usual RPing manner and added a new dynamic to it. You came up with something different whilst still using your standard and that was a good move as this is definitely the time to be doing something like that. This was fairly bland but it worked out with you finally winning a title. Something basic and good but nothing extraordinary.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Jordan Lights: Your RP's are always rather short and to the point and this was no different. You went from disappointment to hope in the space of this small RP. However I see that as a double edged sword. For one it works as it shows your face characteristics, on the other it seems like a waste of potential. I feel you could have stretched it out a bit more but it came up a little short.

David Cougar: Nice interaction between Klamor & Leon. I feel that you sometimes write incredibly long RP's that go on a bit too long but this was very well done. Your length was good and let us into what Cougar was thinking, but still left us with some questions left to be answered. The alliance is definitely going to be interesting to see play out, though I suspect that this may fall apart quickly, once Lethal Lottery comes.

Phoenix: Much like Lights, these are always fairly short, but unlike Lights, you seemed to have a fleshed out idea that was used fully. You expressed disappointment and pretty much suggested that you'd move on from it and then had excitement. It was good. There also seems to be a move towards becoming a face. Your feud with Blade, as well as this Rp seem to indicate a turn. I hope this isn’t the case as I feel you have more to give as a heel (at the moment).

Chris Jones: You rebounded well after your loss to Wunderbar in the previous RP round and this was the same. You may have been knocked back but your up and in there once again. You definitely show here a slightly darker side of the Saviour gimmick and it works. Jones is in a difficult place right now and he's using the gimmick to let out some frustration. It was a little much for some perhaps but I liked it.

 

[The Crock]

Constantine (Dave): I enjoyed this one, good read. Very intense. At the very end I could completely imagine the sound of the rope. It's definitely a little out there and edgy, but very well done.

Toyota (GD): That was pretty good man. I must say, it made me laugh, but at the same time it got all the facts across. There was also an undertone of anger going on the entire time, nicely done. Toyota is one hell of a quirky character, I like it a lot.

Kravinoff (Coco): Nice job. I enjoyed the back and forth banter between Kensworth and Kravinoff, good to see you back here in the 'Z. Also, I liked the attention to detail you gave it, and it was humorous at times. It had a nice blend of things going on.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Ferbian: Interesting. You seem to come across as rather heelish in this one. I'm not sure if you meant to but that's what it felt like to me. That actually worked for me though. You seemed to want to display passion as well as a new found aggression. I like it, but do try to remember to maintain that face persona. This was fine though.

Michael Winters: This was a little odd. It was shorter than you usually try so I found that to be odd but it worked fine. It's a tad strange that you didn't really build on anything though. This felt pretty repetitive and just plain...bland. There was no real character development nor any comments about your potential opponents/future opponents. It was well written and formatted as always though.

Барбоса: Excellent work here. You've really been on fire as of late and you seem like a character than could go almost any way. You could possibly end up in the Mayhem Division with that streak of insanity & malice or perhaps you could be or you could shoot through to the midcard with any of your personas. Very good stuff here. I think you've got that something that I thought you were missing.

DK Wilton: I admire your persistence, and your continued attempts to improve yourself. Your RP's have been getting better and that's apparent in both of these. In both you seem to have a better format than before as well as more clarity (via spelling and your formatting) Overall these are both well done and I see a marked improvement. Keep it up.