For fun, I'm not checking much about anyone's background before I read these. I'm not looking up if they are face or heel; instead, I'm seeing what I get out of the RP. I gotta say ahead of time that this is a pretty good batch of RP's from everyone, and the majority of criticism is likely about formatting more than it is the actual content.
I don't do scores or star ratings. Sorry.
Brad Bomb:
-I don't know how practical they are in the long run, but I liked the little pictures. They didn't bring much to the story, however. If you want to continue using them, go right ahead. Just try and save them for moments when they add to the RP. In this instance, I felt the last picture was totally relevant. Yeah, it was something you
could have described with words, but it served its purpose. The first picture, in my opinion, could have just been described with words instead.
-I know someone already mentioned color to you, so I'll just add to it: pick colors that contrast each other for easier reading. Blue, red, and green seem to be the easiest to work with. By all means experiment with colors to find a set up you like and a set up that helps your work stick out of the page, but be mindful that you want people to be able to read your stuff clearly.
-Finding a balance for a character is always kinda funky at these battle royales. I would have liked to see more talk about your opponents, but I walked out of this with a better picture of Brad in my head than when I walked into it, so I'd have to call it a success.
Барбоса
-You've already got a good formatting system. Everything is easy to read, which is huge for a guy like this where even small changes to his demeanor throughout an RP is going to be what makes him interesting.
-This feels quite short. I hate throwing that around as a complaint, especially for a Contract Battle Royale, but I need a little more to be able to really grasp this guy. I know you said you had other RP's made as well; are those in the Random RP thread?
-He seems over the top, impulsive, and unpredictable. He'll fit in just fine around these parts. Can't wait to read more.
Michael Winters
-Another instance of great formatting. That "Stacey Madison" pink is hit or miss around here, but I found this all to be easily absorbed because it was laid out so well.
-Excellent introduction to the character. I could have used a little more talk of the opponents, but I could see how just blurting it all in confession would have killed the pacing of the RP. Perhaps it could have mixed in with his discussion with Stacey?
-My only criticism is that, as has been mentioned before, the RP feels like two halves glued together...with a little bit of it lost in the mix. In particular, I think you could have used the Stacey/Winters interaction a little longer.
Hays
-What strikes me right away is that your's is the first RP in this batch I've read so far where the character actually explains in some manner how he has any advantage in the coming match, even if he's just blowing smoke out of his ass. You never brought up a specific opponent, or tied his thoughts on high flyers and big men to examples also booked in the match with him, but you made an effort to explain how he feels he's got the upper hand.
-Your formatting is off to a good start. I think though that you could have added some more subtle descriptions, maybe mention Hays' body language throughout the RP. Anything to break up such large chunks of dialogue. People can get lost in those things.
Justin Cooper
-Those colors choices have always been a favorite of mine to read. Easy to follow RP for the most part.
-Good balance of character development and discussion of your upcoming match. I liked the references to current events in WZCW. I already have a good feel for what this guy is about.
-One BIG complaint, though:
If you're going to use a gimmick like "So-and-so is a skater" or "is a rapper", you kinda have to utilize it a little. I get that he's rapper in a struggle to shed that constricting label, but I never got the impression of this guy being a musician throughout the RP. Not saying your RP's all have to be music oriented, but if you want us to accept that as part of who he is, we have to see him in that element.
Zakk Falcon
-Usual Contract Battle Royale complaints: too short, not enough talk of opponents, nothing really tangible to grasp on to this character. But these are issues that can improve over time. The only issue that should be addressed right away is that WZCW has a fine collection of interviewers with built-in personality that can be of much better use than just "a random dude backstage".
-"Dude, I can't do that!" legit made me lol. I like this guy, and I'd like to see more of him. I get the "doe-eyed newcomer with heart of gold" angle that you're shooting for here, and now I want something more substantial. Make me love Zakk Falcon.
-Red and green are my other favorite combo for reading RP's. The layout is perfect; everything was clear and easy to read.
DK Wilton
-blah blah blah random RP thread, we've had this discussion already. I will say that the depth you've fleshed out for this guy is impressive. You just need a bit of a filter. Don't worry about explaining every little thing about your guy right off the bat. If you spill it all now, what are you going to RP about in a month?
-blah blah blah Left Align, again, a discussion that's been had already. Beyond that, I like the choices of color, but I'm not sure how I feel about the bolded sections. I think that with your dialogue heavy style, you'd be better off saving the bolded text effects for non-dialogue text to help it stand out. And I don't think it's necessary to refer to him as "Your FK'n Nightmare" DK Wilton on each line.
-Stepping back from the overwhelming effect of three RP's where one would have sufficed, these are each well crafted RP's. You clearly already know what you'd like this guy to be like, and you do a pretty damn good job of expressing that. All you have to work on is some formatting and keeping things relevant to your match of the week, and you'll do fine here.
John Watson
-Lime green no bueno. I've made that mistake before myself. This also has that "two halves glued into one" feeling with an interview taking place awkwardly in the middle of his promo.
-Selena Anderson usually doesn't do interviews. Not that I think that was a bad call, but I was just a little lost with her use at first. On top of that, if you are going to use an interviewer/2nd person in an RP, they need NEED
NEED some personality. I felt like I was reading a man having an interview with an answering machine.
-Everyone wants to think they are dominant in everything they do around here. I need a little more to believe this guy over any other. I leave this RP for sure thinking that this is one intense dude, which is good. Work from there.
Sam Smith
-Aiming for Ty and dismissing your opponents for the match won't do you any favors this round (as another applicant here also will learn). Stay focused on what's in front of you.
-I would bag on your misuse of Leon, as others have, but I just spent the last few months calling him Leon Kennedy, so I'll let it slide.
-Otherwise, this isn't a bad RP. The format is easy to read and understand, and I like the passion that shines from this guy. I worry though that he's lacking that little something extra that will keep him from being totally vanilla. Going forward, think of some ways to spice this guy up and you'll be great. What makes this guy stand out?
Jalapeño
-Short.
-Spicy.
-Next time, talk about your opponents some. This can be hard for such an uber-face to do without seeming like a heel, but I think you can do it. You've got a good vision for the guy, and I love his attitude, but he needs to be more focused on the matches than just being here for fun in general. What does he find fun in this?
Ferbian
-Great format. Color choices are spot on. Written like a pro.
-Constantine cameo was priceless, and indeed the highlight of the RP. I see what you did there.
-As has been said a hundred times already, DON'T EVER IGNORE YOUR MATCH. Talk about it, talk about the opponents.
Everyone:
-I know that heels don't like to go into specifics because it's such a dick maneuver to blow off your competition as weak and insignificant, but no RP which fails to directly address the upcoming match is going to win said match. Likewise, some of us faces feel insulting others is decidedly un-face. This is untrue. Do it in a face way. Even add a little PG-13 to it if you must. The match doesn't need to be the longest part of your RP, but it should be the most important.
-If I was forced to pick a winner, I'd pick WZCW, for having so many awesome applicants. Don't be discouraged if Creative asks you to stick around for another Contract RP or two. If they thought you totally sucked, you wouldn't have got this far. Good luck all; Have fun & go crazy.
Makes it sounds like we are a family... oh, yeah.
