RP Feedback Thread

[ABMorales787]

Numbers/Austin Reynolds: The commercial along with graphics was an awesome touch. It helps you visualize the promo. However I had a hard time reading it due to the formatting. I had some trouble at first figuring out who was talking.

CardiffCam: It was an OK RP, but you had some easy-to-notice grammatical errors in there. I have a few in mine too, but some of yours were misspelled words. You may want to check your spell check before posting, but it was still a good RP.

 

[Baller]

Austin Reynolds: I loved the promo bit, I felt like a was watching an actual promo. I liked your formatting as well as it makes you stand out, as nobody else does that in the fed. I liked the way you talked about your opponents and you set the bar high for the rest of the KFAD competitors.

Killjoy: Ehh, I really think you needed to step up your game here, and you didn't do that. The idea was good, but some of it didn't make sense, like why was there no crowd? There were a couple of mistakes here in there, and you need to address all people in the match, as you missed a key one in Trevor Steel. Solid but not great.

Cardiffcam - I didn't really like this one to be honest. There were a lot of mistakes, and your comments on all of the competitors were pretty lame to be honest. You should think some of what you are going to say about your opponents through more. But you are just starting and you got a lot to learn just like me when I started.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

If I missed out on you, it's because I have to go to work and I'll add the rest later on. I think I have done the Mayhem Scramble and KFAD RPer's thus far:


John Smith: One key element that you missed here was not including everyone else who is involved within the match. Might be logical to attack the champion, the former champion and a strong candidate, but you have to address the others. Trevor Steel isn't someone to ignore. You do touch on your character well and the use of Becky is a little overdone, but it proves a point. It's an okay RP, but you've only recently started.

Killjoy: Basically same feedback as John Smith. You know what your character is like and I'm not sure why you are talking to an empty arena. Senses tell me it's because of you and the mask. You failed to hit on Trevor Steel and other members in this match, with most just being one liners. It does build you up, but you do little to make the others look weak.

Scott Hammond: Same thing again. The character isn't as executed as how Killjoy and Smith did it, which were pretty good, but at least you made yourself very relevant in this match and built yourself up. You missed many contenders in this match and they should have been included. If they were done like you did with Crashin, CardiffCam and Killjoy, it would be a great RP.

James Baker: Pretty good RP. Apart from the others, everyone was addressed and every character was used perfectly. The only problem is the way you addressed every contender in the match. It was the same basic structure repeated, the same type of RP used when Killjoy won the championship. Sure, it's hard to write a rant on multiple people, but repetitiveness isn't a good way to do so. Still, one of the better RP's thus far.

Mr. Baller: What can I say? You have really improved and this RP shows it. You re-invented yourself at a time it mattered, you used your character well and the way you ranted against everyone and included everyone not in a repetitive sense, it had some great flow. I think you have this in the bag.

CardiffCam: For a newcomer, it's a decent RP. Like everyone else, the mistakes were noticeable. The attack was short and repetitive, not so much sweet. The end bit when you attacked a person was not really necessary at all. The character is great and the references were excellent too, just need to work on incorporating your character with general RPing.

Austin Reynolds: The formatting really got me and I had to re-read the entire thing a few times to understand. The video promo was good, but usually Video Promo's are done using the quote things: [QUOTE][/QUOTE]. Would have made it more distinguishable to read. Maybe telling us who is talking might be a bit more helpful. Otherwise, it's a solid RP. I'm not a fan of narration instead of description, but it works wonders when you complete your RP.

 

[The Doctor]

Titus: MTFO. Seriously, that was an awesome read. I love how you went through Titus' personalities and had all these situations happening at once. It was exciting, and it did its job well. There were a few parts where I felt it didn't flow very well, and there were quite a few grammatical errors, but other than that an excellent RP.
I had to laugh in the beginning when you referenced several forum events. Good stuff.

 

[a0161613]

CardiffCam:

Description and innovation are your friends. My message to everyone would be to save the generic and normally uninteresting for Mayhem/Ascension and come up with innovation for the PPV’s.

The promo is decent, you cover everyone but there is no venom behind your words or methods. You just list them aimlessly. In a multiman match like this you need good flow and transition between topics.

And you attacked staff, even if it was a random staff member, I can’t grasp the point to it.

Blade:
I love the fact that you tried to tell a story. And while it took a while to get there, you were almost cutting a promo the entire time in a most unusual way. And while it was weird that you went from Dublin to Ontario to Japan, your style made it work. Great effort.

Bozz/Carmen

I know this is a big character for you and I really get the impression that there is a big epic story behind everything in the Mackenzie character. However I was a little disappointed to see it fall into nothing more than a generic interview. At that point, you also forget about the description, which was great until that point.

The interview itself would have been a great promo for a Meltdown or Ascension but for a PPV the second half doesn’t live up to the first, which was epic IMO.

Lee/Titus:
I like how you combined the story arcs. It was occasionally confusing but clear in the end, which was the main thing. You packed a lot in there but it all seemed relevant too, which is key.

Overall a great effort.

 

[Super Crazy]

Blade: Great RP. I love how you made this match even that much more personal. Your style keeps it very clear and easy to read, as well as entertaining. This was a great RP for you, and I look forward to seeing your heel turn run it's course. And I never noticed the thing about the numbers until after you pointed it out.

Titus: Excellent RP. I enjoyed it from start to finish. It was a nice way to go full circle by means of involving every side of Titus. I like how you continued with the chess game after your last RP. I think this is the first time I've had a real chance to see the different sides of Titus, and I thoroughly enjoyed them. I love how your RP's never have to directly talk about the match, but you still somehow manage to get it in and get your point across. Great job!

 

[Blade]

Alrighty, let's do some feedback:

Teach:
I loved this. You make the conversations between you Kurtesy flow so well and really funny. You make it so obvious that they, as a tag team, have great chemistry. The RP made me laugh at least 3 times, including the dig at Baller. You know your character really well, which I always like. And one of my main pet hates is when someone RP's in a multi-man match and talks about each person in the match. You didn't do this, which is definite points in your favour. Great work.

B+

Kurtesy:
Just like your tag partner. Very funny and clever. Taking shots at RPers and Crashin was really cool. I think it was lacking a point a little bit, but you still got a general message across. Apart from that, just see above.

B

Karnage:
Yeah, it was ok. But it felt rushed and uninspired. When you do an RP that just recounts history, you gotta add a twist to it or else it'll just seem like one of the other hundred history-recounting RP's that we see every week. Like my RP against you, I recounted everything that'd happened. But I also had the quotes and the effigy and the darkness to make it stand out. It was a risk, but it paid off. You put over KC and the Elite X match as a big deal but... Meh, cliche. I know your internet is messed up and you're stuck for time, but I'm still disappointed. Your good use of language does make it slightly better than average though.

C

Smith:
Ok, I like your deranged lunatic thing you got going on. Attacking interviewers isn't new, but no one's doing it at the moment. And you do it well. But after that, the RP slowly descended into mediocrity. You did thing I hate most for multiman matches, you went through each opponent and talked about them one by one. This really annoys me, it lacks originality. There are ways around it. Figure out those ways, or else you won't win matches like this.

D+

KillJoy:
This was good, slightly different. You put some good heel-ness into it and some decent emotion. You did the thing I've mentioned above about talking about each of your opponents one by one, but the way you did it was short, sweet and mildly witty. Short, but decent.

C

 

[ABMorales787]

Lee/Titus: Whoa. What the hell was I reading? An RP for a wrestling E-Fed or a freakin' comic book? It was awesome. I really liked how you added the pictures as well. It really helped the depth of the RP. Especially the "Ka-Pow!" one.

Steamboat Ricky: A very solid RP. Gives great depth to the heel turn. You didn't mention your opponent but then again it can't all be taunting the adversary. Like I said, solid, awesome RP.

Rush/4th Face Of Foley: It was a good RP but the formating really needs work. You even left some errors in the coding. Thats not a good move.

 

[Muffin Top Merkley]

Blade: Very good introduction that attracks the readers interest. Its clear that you took your time and did your research. You made very good use of Rush's bio and used it all against him in great detail.

I found all of your segments to be very short and more could have been done within each. You were in Rush's house, with his mother. More interation with your surroundings would have been nice.

The further I got into your RP, I couldn't help but find alot of similarities to the RP that I did the previous week against Scott Hammond. I went to his house, met with his friends and family, as well as his old wrestling school. All of which I reread here.

In short, it was a really good and entertaining read but I felt that you could have done more into each segment. You were IN Rush's intimate and private life but you only scratched the surface. The possibilies were endless as I gave you 100% permission to do ANYTHING you wanted in your RP.

I like the new Blade and he has clearly allowed you to become a better RPer. Blade wins.


Killjoy: Not my favorite RP. I know that I'm not one to point fingers this week about grammer and spelling. But another proof-read would have really benifited your RP. Some spelling and grammar errors were present but alot of the my focus was on how weirdly worded it was to me.

I really liked the part "You call it a disorder, I call it evolution". You should make it a heavy focus on your future RPs. Sure you're different, but to you its an advantage over the world.

Its clear that in KillJoy's mind the Mayhem title, while only a mid-card championship (at best) is the biggest and more important thing to him and his career. In doing so, you give it prestige and make it appear to be the biggest championship in WZCW.

More focus should have been towards your competion at Kingdom Come. You are facing a large number of opponents, yet you only addressed them all into one paragraph.

Big Dave: Good introduction that provided an update on Ace David's medical condition, but it wasn't 100% necessary to be addressed here. It could have been an opening question asked by Leon at the start of the interview which would have provided you with a greater opportunity to discuss it and how you feel without even mentioning Showtime.

You provided a nice quick recap of past events relating to Showtime and Big Dave. As someone who arrived later, it was nice to see as I had no idea that there was such history between you and Showtime.

The ending of your RP ended abruptly for me and I was expecting a little more. (Maybe I was just upset that it was over)

The overall feel of your RP felt like it was more of a face RP than the perfectly executed heel RPs that I am use to from you. Which, although is a nice change, I feel like some of your past RPs have been stronger. This was still a great read nonetheless!

 

[Pimpin]

Alright everybody. I've finally gotten off my ass to do feedback (especially for the ones that I owe feedback to this week).

Teach: I loved this piece. The flow between you, Kurtesy and the doctor really drawed me into the RP. It seem like everytime I read a Teach n' Kurtesy RP, their chemistry gets better and better each week. I laughed quite a bit, with the shots at Phoenix's weight and the diss at Baller, those were funny as hell indeed. When it was time to get to the point of addressing your opponents, you did a great job in getting your point across to the viewer. Again, great job.

Kurtesy: I'm really liking the connection between Teach and Kurtesy as I believe those two feed off of each other well and like I said in Teach's RP, the chemistry between them gets better and better each week. I also like the comedy that's inserted into there as it's hilarious and it's clever. I wish there was more of a point that Kurtesy could've come across, but the message that you did get out to the opponent was executed well and to the point. All I have left to say is that you did a really job this week and good luck in your match.

Reynolds: Loved the style that you employed in your RP and having pics of your character in the RP is something different that I don't see too often (unless my eyes are deceiving me of course lol). Your RP was great and you made your style of RP work into your favor. I also thought you did a very good job in addressing your opponents as it is indeed very hard to address multiple opponents. Again very good RP and nice job this week.

 

[Muffin Top Merkley]

Titus: I'm not going to lie, I found this week's RP to be very confusing, but it might be due to me not being around to witness all of Titus' characters.

To me, your RP felt like I was reading a comic book which was really different and entertaining. It was full of humour and you managed to accomplish alot but at the same time nothing happened.

The highlight of the RP was the voice over work with Titus discussing the rules of the match against Everest while the pictures were being ripped off of the wall. This part flowed very well and was really well written. An entire RP with this format would be highly enjoyable.

All in all, while it was a good read, it was almost too confusing at times to follow.

Max Karzai: Excellent setting and mood that suited your character perfectly. This was a different style of RP for you but I think it works amazingly well.

It was a excellent read, one of my favorites this week. It was simple but effective and I would like to see you do a concert RP every so often, but make sure you don't go to the well too many times.

I'm going to compare in the same way that Pheonix compared my letter RPs which he is a big fan of. It's like the hell in a cell. I mark for it everytime because its rarely scene. It would become less impressive if we saw it every week. (Or something like that)

 

[Super Crazy]

Steamboat Ricky - Simple, yet very effective. It definitely helps set the tone for the match. I like how you don't mention your opponent, yet you can tell you are focused on the match. You're RP style is sometimes different from that of a conventional RP yet it always work out for you in the end. Great job.

Corey Payne - This has to be one of the better RPs I've seen from you. You really stepped it up for Kingdom Come. I love how you play off the injury, yet don't let it hold you back at the same time. I like how you sort of make it a bit personal with Ty and pick apart the other opponents.

Ty Burna - Excellent RP. Your use of the raven and your comparison to the raven is done very well. I like how you get a little bit cocky and mainly focus on Lars Reidar and Corey Payne. Good use of scenery too. You're RPs are always a very good read and enjoyable.

 

[Dave]

Titus (Lee) - I think this is probably one of the best RPs I have ever seen and I am not just saying that. I have been doing this job for 8 months or so and every 10 days, like you, I read every single RP and decide a winner based on merit. I think about all of the RPs I have seen over those months and it must be in the hundreds. This, for me, is how an RP should be done. You have clearly been thinking about this one for a while and you have plenty of ammo to go on. This is a great RP and the constant changing is not even a factor. Often times, people use that to write more and it comes off as lazy and unoriginal. However, it really added to the RP and I think that I got a greater appreciation of your RP because of it. It was well paced and I think that made it all the better. Epic RP, mate.

Mr. Baller (Baller Mahoney) - A while ago, I gave you some advice that I thought you needed to get you out of your rut. As a member of the Creative team, I hoped that you would listen to me and take heed of where I wanted you to go. I worried for a while that you were never going to be able to grasp what the formula was for a successful RP. However, I feel that over the last few rounds, you have become much better at writing RPs. There may be a few errors in the RP and it may be very basic. However, mines was like that and I feel that you have definitely made strides to improve your game. I commend that and I liked this RP. You took it to everyone in that match and I think it came off well. The RPs of yesterday used to be very hectic an annoying but you have mellowed them out now and it is working better. I like how you examined your own career so far and I think this is definitely another step in the correct direction. Whether it is good enough to win the belt... We will have to wait and see.

Reynolds (Number$) - The same goes for you as it did for Baller. Attacking everyone in the match on an individual basis a good way to go. A lot of people like to just settle for a main opponent and let the rest take care of themselves. However, I like when people take the fight to everyone in the match and I thought that this was a shining example of how this can be pulled off. This is my first time giving you feedback and I do agree that you have a very unique style. I have to be perfectly honest and I hope that you don't take this the wrong way, I did not care for the start of the RP. The pictures kinda bugged me and although it was quite inventive, I thought that it was a bit unneccesary. That being said, the content of the RP was good and it is, again, very competitive. Nice work.

 

[The Doctor]

Blade
I enjoyed it. The shameless plugging of the game made me chuckle, especially with Blade interrupting. I also like the twisted logic of you being a better wrestler than Rush because you didn't have a heart attack. Sort of reminds me of Will pushing Edge over Misawa in the WZO, saying that Edge didn't die in the ring, thus making him better.
Fun RP, loved the game bit, and your little attack on Garth was very well done. I also really liked how Becky was written.

B

 

[Blade]

Karzai:

Ok, well I don't have much to say about this because I don't feel there was much to it. Firstly the "we were screwed" thing is a heel tactic, only a heel tactic, even if you said it in a tongue-in-cheek way. The speech was very Cena-esque, with your never say die attitude. Also, the interaction between you and Lights seems very smooth and full of chemistry, but the interaction between Teach and Kurtesy is done much better, you could learn a few things from them. Almost seems Heavy Artillery is T&K Lite. But yeah, it was ok. Like I said, didn't seem to be much to it.

C-

 

[a0161613]

Blade: Good stuff. The attitude throughout is spot on and I thought that was the highlight. Your dialogue was great and got me totally into the mindset of the character. He comes off as an intelligent and vindictive guy. I would say that it's just another interview and while you handled the Becky Serra character expertly, I would say mixing up the setting is never a bad thing, although the game thing was pretty unique.

KillJoy: I like the arena promo. It's something that I can imagine happening. While I thought it was a little bland and short, the beginning helped pad it out. The formatting was good, even the change in text was a pleasant sight. And while the images were weird, it all worked for me.

Hammond: Solid stuff with some great imagery and a clever choice of setting. I would have loved to have seen mroe description because the mood was there. The promo was decent too.

A Mayhem match too close to call for me.

 

[Super Crazy]

Blade - Good RP. I liked your use of Becky, and the random shameless plug of the game. I love how cocky you were that you beat Rush, very heelish. I enjoyed how you picked apart Garth Black and the random mention to Big Dave and Elite X was good, as it keeps him on his toes.

Bratchny - Nice RP. I like how you changed the " REAL " World title and called out Titus. Nice use of the press conference, as usually that sort of RP would be very generic and boring. Good work here and I sense a possible heel turn-a-coming.

Hancock - For a first timer this wasn't a bad RP. You could feel the emotion in it. Very bland though with no actions and what not. Still , good work, and hopefully you make it in.

Killjoy - Good RP. You're really coming into your own and you seem to get into the head of your character very well. Great promo, but I don't understand the use of the pictures, just a description would be fine. However, it's a nice little added touch.

Ty Burna - You're RPs never fail to impress me. I've quickly grown to be a fan of yours. You paint an excellent picture in your RPs. I like how you focus on Corey Payne and also your tag team partners, not caring who gets in your way to the top.

Garth Black - Nice RP. It's nice to see a different style from you other then the usual poem or rhyme. I like how you picked on Blade's character, even picking on his win at Kingdom Come. I also enjoyed the comparison between the stars/ streelights/ Phoenix.

Lee - Good response to Bratchny's RP. It flows fairly well and it is good that you talk about all your possible threats. After I read Ricky's name I was thinking possible four way for the championship between you , Ricky, Everest, and Carmen, but then you kept going, and I don't think you guys don scramble matches for the heavyweight title here so, that's a no brainer. Good RP, not your best work, but not your worst, good enough for a potential win though.

 

[a0161613]

Brathcny: I like how the whole thing built to a conclusion. Like everything that had been worked for against Ricky suddenly wasn't good enough. I can see where a heel turn could come in but it would be more of a change in attitude especially as a face vs face match at Redemption seems to be in the future. And it's this change in direction that has me intrigued.

I wouldn't have said the father and son thing was necessary though. The father bit seemed weird for me.

 

[Baller]

Doug Crashin - Now Doug, I know you said you were busy this week, but this look like it took 2 minutes to write. It was way too short and you didn't really talk about your opponent except for 1 line. To beat Phoenix, you needed to step up your game and you didn't do that

Cardiffcam/John Smith - You guys were a tag team but it didn't seem like you worked together on your RP. I like the fact that you both are worried about the other one not screwing up giving it in interesting element and it fits your gimmicks, but neither one of you mentioned Baker or I, and I think it really hurt your guys. Not bad, but you guys could've done better.

 

[ABMorales787]

Bratchny/Bozzaholic: I liked the RP. It was very good. However it feels more like a documentary than an RP. The cameras kept an eye on him while on the bleachers even though he was supposed to go unnoticed by the WZCW officials. I found that a bit odd. However building up for a potential story is always good.

Lee/Titus: Great as always. It didn't feel quite like the KC buildup ones but it was still good. Building up for a story via the RP is always fun to read for me.


Showtime 24/7/David Cougar: It was a good RP that got all the point across. You addressed your loss to Dave for the title and also your problem with Trevor. You had a few grammar error though.

Doug Crashin: I did a short promo this round but yours is way too short and did nothing for you other than making your character look like a whinny bitch (sorry). It didn't develop anything at all.

ZeroVX/Chris Jones: Ha ha. That was a very fun RP. Good job for your first time. However you gotta remember that sentences start with a capital letters. Its not much but it shows you write to please. And the formatting shouldn't be so bright. I had a hard time reading it because of the brightness. Just use less bright colors.

Leafy/Hancock: Good. It was a good RP. It introduced your character very well.

 

[Lee]

Meh fuck it...feedback time.

Cardiff Cam Love the shoot, if highly exaggerated, It was a great improvement, though I still don't get why Leon is scared of you? Good work I must say, keep it up...you'll need it for your tag team run

Hammond First time I read it, I didn't like it. Second time I read it I loved it. Great description there, decent contact, you got Leon spot on. Add to the fact you did your research makes what this much better.

Jones First thing, I always say if you can pull off a full RP by yourself, keep the reader engaged AND want the reader to know more about your character next week then you're easily a good RPer. You my friend are a good RPer, no doubt about it. Liek I said though, Red is annoying to read...maybe purple or dark green or something.

Pimpin I will feedback when I see Ballers so I can see how it links.

 

[Baller]

Doug Crashin - The only way you can win basically if your opponent no shows again. These RP's are half-assed, and I no you have been busy lately, I am assuming as you seem to be putting these close to the deadline, but this has no substance at all and does nothing for your character at all.

 

[Lee]

USA That is honestly one of the best RPs I've seen from you and definitely one of the best this round of RPs. I always say emotion is key, and that had it. You had USA down heartened, yet knowing he still has purposes. Gen LD worked so well and it seemed like an old school early 90's promo where the face gets really pumped up...U...S....A

 

[Showtime]

Feedback time.

Phoenix

I liked it. Much like your full circle theme, your RP's seem to follow the same route. You really did a good job putting over your feud with Garth, focusing on your successes and his faliures. Your character hasn't been too successful in recent weeks either, but you make sure we completely forget about any of them and make yourself seem stronger. This clearly isn't the same Phoenix any more. Full Circle and now appears ready to take on Garth. And since the focus was on Garth, it was also good that you used him woth your opponent KillJoy, using the anger you have for Garth and using Killjoy as your sacrifical Garth to destroy. I didn't get the final sentence much, seemed word confusing, but otherwise a very good RP. Dialogue strong, short and too the point, and good use of images.


KillJoy

Interesting RP. Each week we seem to see a different KillJoy, I don't know if thats what your going for, a weirdo who comes off stranger or different each week but it works. This RP is a good informer piece of your character. We are now able to have a clearer understanding of him and his past. The beggining I thought was a little to depressing to start, you were really trying for sympathy. Dialogue between you and Alisha was at times confusing, but it flowed. Banter you had with Chuck was good, but also confusing. It seemed like you were trying to be a face, but you came off heel. If you trying to be a face, I suggest less serious, and more insane and goofy. You can still talk trash and be really dark, but do it in a more odd and humourful way. If your trying to be a heel than continue. While this piece was strong in character development, I don't think there was enough on your opponent. Rather than counter his RP or his claims, you merely reiterated some of it and then called down on it without putting yourself over. I understand u were strapped for time, but next RP try reading your opponents if they've posted and look at things you can write back against. Be a KillJoy, kill their Joys. lol. Otherwise good writing and yea, a developing RP so no matter what it adds to your character and gives you things to write about. Good Job.


USA
Lee is right, this is one of the best RP's I've seen from you FTS. It's a shame Frankie didn't post as everyones RP's were stellar in this match. I like how you started off uncharacteristically depressed to start. It makes light of the fact your character has had numerous opportunities and has come up short each time. He is about ready to just throw it in and then, cue inspirational speech. And what a speech. A new fire has been lit under USA. It's nice that we may no longer see the straight as an arrow, rule following USA. This one's in it to win, and man is he a badass. Now that you've discussed the past, your character can move ahead. The writing was well done. Even though the focus was solely on your character, there was still enough mentioned about your match, opponents, and your partner. I will admit a personal dislike for pink text (reading wise) but since the General doesn't normally talk this much it is a completely minor nusiance. I'm really excited about your character and can't wait to see your next RP.

I'll post more later...

 

[ABMorales787]

Chris Jones/ZeroVX: Good work. It was pretty good. What was that word he used? I don't understand why he was on the rafters but it was still good work.

John Hancock/Leafy: Wow. I gotta say your character has great contrast to mine. But anyway, the RP was solid. Your character isn't too happy at life and shown pretty good here.

SuperCrazy/Jordan Lights: Umm. I've seen this before. The whole unison "Hey Becky" thing. Even a bit of the eating. Didn't Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle do this in '03? Thankfully it changed halfway through. Was it a coincidence?

Doc/Max Karzai: Liked it a lot. A scientific approach at a scientific opponent. Solid as always.

Pimpin/Baker: You emphasized on your team. Its great considering you guys are new as a team, however you may've not talked enough about your opponents.

FalKon/Kurtesy: looks you're standing alone for your team. It was a good, solid RP. Shame about your partner.

Baller/Baller?: You covered your opponents a bit more. I kinda forgot thats why you get 2 RP's per team. However I think it was a bit too short.

Leeds/Beckford: Talking from a hospital bed? Your opponent will see where you're injured. You show your focus on the match with Reynolds rather than saying you'll win and talk about the champ. As a face thats a move in a good direction.

Numbers/Austin: I liked what was written but a little more formatting would've helped. Giving a little more indication of who is speaking helps. I was lost deep into it as I didn't know who was speaking.



More coming.