Blade
A solid RP. I really like the fact you switched from blue to red font as the RP unfolded. If nobody else knew you were switching heel, then that was the tell tale sign. I like the fustration that's been boiling over with Blade and how you took it out on that little boy, perfect way to turn heel. A comment about your character, I never viewed him as the type to become desperate. While this desperation is only to help turn you heel, you go quickly from angry to desperate without enough reason yet. The misterious figure creates a new and interesting development (and it seems everyones using mystery characters, u, Dave, and kinda myself). I'm hoping you score a win this week and we move a little away from the angry, desperate Blade and really see how you sink your heel teeth into him now. Great writing as always.
Austin Reynolds
Terrific first RP. I agree I do see a lot of my character in yours, particularly all the "Ratings" phrases, though I don't use those nearly as often as I did in my early days. You possess a terrific cockiness, again something similar we share, and your dialogue is very strong, when it's with your manager and when you were alone. You also have a good mix of dialogue and description. You have a knack for throwing together solid catch phrases and other memorable quotes as with this one paragraph
Big Dave
Solid RP as always. A little short, but it was all dialogue so there was enough said. Always too good for an interviewer eh, your putting them out of a job, lol. The thing you did with New Years, mirroring it to you and your opponents ages and that your the future, him the past, was brilliant. I also really liked the first paragraph about Rush and his brother. Again, not a lot was said, but everything you said was bang on. I don't have anything to critique on except maybe length, but your dialogue didn't even need description to go along with it, it was just a solid RP.
Hunter Kravinoff
Great RP. It was a little long and dragged on a bit, but still very well written. I think it felt long cause you went over roughly the same things in 3 different sections, fortunately adding a little bit more to each one, but I felt some could've been combined and shortened. Also, your stagehand asked more questions than most interviewers do in others ppl's RP's. His role would have been better suited with one of our interviewers, say Leon who is too small and twiggy to real help, or Stacey who would've been stuck up and grossed out, had suddenly appeared and helped/asked questions. Remember that's what they're there for. You do a terrific job countering what your opponent said about you. In all honesty, I don't really know what's more original in wrestling world than a game hunter. Good mix of dialogue and description. Your character is definitly one of the more intersting ones we have now and I look forward to reading more and seeing how you match up against others. With other opponents you may not have as much to counter with as Crashin left you. Nothing was really spectacular, but there isn't really anything you did wrong either. Continue to work on your characters voice and mannerisms (there good now and they will get better). Good work.
Mr. Baller
One RP at a time Baller remmeber that, and I'm glad to see your moving into what may be a good direction. This was one of your better RP's. While I don't know if I agree that it was your coaches fault, you now have managed to take some of the blame off yourself, made yourself a bigger badder heel, and opened up further possibilites for your character. I can't help but feel you (the poster) may have taken a shot a Lee (the poster) by calling out Bateman (a head of creative, similar to Lee) and talking about Lee's wrestler at the beggining. Not a problem, I had a chuckle thinking about it. The first part was okay, set the stage for the events to unfold, in the second part I would've liked to see you tear a bigger bunghole in your coach, instead of going right to "your fired" and punching him. The third part was the best. It set up your match and your beef with Bateman, the interview with Leon was standard but well done. I like that you addressed your strategy and how things will be different. I wasn't aware you've been portrayed as attack quick and fast and then burn out. If so good kob pointing it out and saying how you'll wrestle a more conservative and planned out match. This is how I see your character talking, he's a sports star so I like it when you use game plans, talking about winning, confidence without being pyschoticness, cocky without crazy. I would've like to see you talk more about Ty as no offence to you, but your character has not done/won enough that he can push himself and say how he'll win and expect to win without describing why it is that Ty is no match and why he won't win. Ty is one of the best and simply saying you'll guarrentee victory is the farthest thing to victory. Believe me I know it's hard to dig up things to say about Ty to make yourself look better, but you won't beat him or many others without some stuff to say. Don't be discouraged thou, this was one of your better RP's. Your facing top guys so don't be down if you don't win, and continue to build and mold your character. I like the direction he's going in, just keep the ball rolling.
Royale
I liked the beggining. I almost blinked thinking I had written that instead. (remember I did write your match). Speaking about the match, I like how you a Baker and Excellency made lots of reference to it. Makes me feel like I did a good job. The lead up and anger your character dispalyed after realizing not he but Excellency was getting a rematch was spot on for your character. While the voice of your character (your strong point) was again well done, I felt your bits about Payne were soft. He didn't really turn on his partner, it was a 4 way where the other 2 guys left, not much else he could've done, and since you didn't make further reference to that, maybe that he takes easy wins by turning on those who trust him, it was a pointless statement. Referencing his last name to the real word pain was good, it made sense. I felt that this part was alright, but somehow still a little light on the details about how you will get i done, with less of the cocky flair you began and closed with. You brought up his knee which was also a good idea. It really goes to show I guess how weak wrestling is, that a knee injury keeps him out of MMA, but that he's still able to wrestle professionally. You brought up "the plan" and the glass box, so you do leave us with a few things to make us curious about where you'll go next. It was a good RP. There is stuff to work on and stuff that was good. You've found your voice so your half way there to writing consistently good RP's. Good work.
Thriller
It seems you and Black like to play hide and seek with Becky all the time. It's a good template to use since you both do it well, but I still perfer a more face to face, that allows you to add emotion to the RP. My impression was that you and Black were faces. I mention this because you second note to Becky came off very heel. Again speaking on that, while I know you guys believe yourseves to be the light in WZCW, I can't imagine you believing fellow faces Titus and Bratch defend the darkside. A match up like this calls for perhaps a tad more humbleness and maybe more on your KC opponents and how you'll get a strong warmup vs these main event stars. Becky played her part well, but I just can't get into it as much without Phoeniz being clear and present and his intentions spoken out load with emotion and heart. Rather perhaps, Becky could've found Phoenix, them talk for a bit about the situation and what's a stake, and then Phoenix leaves, leaving Becky with the passage to read, followed by the pyro etc. The RP was good, but I felt it could've been much better.
Karzai
I like the idea you had, a Blog TV show. I thought the whole thing went well in explaining what you wanted to explain. The dialogue between you and the bloggers was good, although the one crazy person did seem forced. I never understood why ppl go online to things just to call down ppl, go do somethign better IMO. Anyway, you never really explained much about how you'll beat Teach N' Kurtsey. You started to and then go sidetracked, little miss there. You focused mainly on Kurtsey instead of the team as a whole. You were very good with the things you said about him, they were accurate and effective, but you were light on Teach. What you said about him was accurate too, but I would've liked to see more. However, reading now, it was the smarter thing to do, given Kurtseys attacks on you and his verbal attacks. Still, I'd have liked to see more calling them out as a team. The jist of what I'm saying is, you countered well, but didn't put yourself and your team over quite enough. You finished with a nice paragraph about your character, it's good for you newer guys to really squeeze out a bit of history and background in your RP's, so we the audience learn about and then learn to understand where your coming from in you RP's. You always put in a bit, so that's a good thing. The pg gave a nice message about overcoming hardships and relating it to your match. A little more discussion about the match, the opponents as a team, and you and Jordon as a team as well, and this would've been a really, really great RP. Great job.
A solid RP. I really like the fact you switched from blue to red font as the RP unfolded. If nobody else knew you were switching heel, then that was the tell tale sign. I like the fustration that's been boiling over with Blade and how you took it out on that little boy, perfect way to turn heel. A comment about your character, I never viewed him as the type to become desperate. While this desperation is only to help turn you heel, you go quickly from angry to desperate without enough reason yet. The misterious figure creates a new and interesting development (and it seems everyones using mystery characters, u, Dave, and kinda myself). I'm hoping you score a win this week and we move a little away from the angry, desperate Blade and really see how you sink your heel teeth into him now. Great writing as always.
Austin Reynolds
Terrific first RP. I agree I do see a lot of my character in yours, particularly all the "Ratings" phrases, though I don't use those nearly as often as I did in my early days. You possess a terrific cockiness, again something similar we share, and your dialogue is very strong, when it's with your manager and when you were alone. You also have a good mix of dialogue and description. You have a knack for throwing together solid catch phrases and other memorable quotes as with this one paragraph
You also do a good job attacking your opponent, however something you may have lacked in was defence of your own character, but this is in part due to your characters general level of cockiness (cocky people have no weaknesses in their minds) and you being new and basically an open target. Also while a lot of the writing was terrific, there were also a lot of filler parts that probably could've been shortened or give way to more relevant passages, particularly all your flowing cocky quotes. You may not want to cram so many in as you did. The bit about Milenko, while I understand fit with your talks about Frankie being an unfit champion, I took mild offence about as he actually was a great champion, and gave way to Drake Callahan, Ty Burna and myself to hold the Mayhem Belt, so hardly a bad stain. Also, quotations marks are not necessary since description is coloured, but that's a minor thing. Great RP.
Big Dave
Solid RP as always. A little short, but it was all dialogue so there was enough said. Always too good for an interviewer eh, your putting them out of a job, lol. The thing you did with New Years, mirroring it to you and your opponents ages and that your the future, him the past, was brilliant. I also really liked the first paragraph about Rush and his brother. Again, not a lot was said, but everything you said was bang on. I don't have anything to critique on except maybe length, but your dialogue didn't even need description to go along with it, it was just a solid RP.
Hunter Kravinoff
Great RP. It was a little long and dragged on a bit, but still very well written. I think it felt long cause you went over roughly the same things in 3 different sections, fortunately adding a little bit more to each one, but I felt some could've been combined and shortened. Also, your stagehand asked more questions than most interviewers do in others ppl's RP's. His role would have been better suited with one of our interviewers, say Leon who is too small and twiggy to real help, or Stacey who would've been stuck up and grossed out, had suddenly appeared and helped/asked questions. Remember that's what they're there for. You do a terrific job countering what your opponent said about you. In all honesty, I don't really know what's more original in wrestling world than a game hunter. Good mix of dialogue and description. Your character is definitly one of the more intersting ones we have now and I look forward to reading more and seeing how you match up against others. With other opponents you may not have as much to counter with as Crashin left you. Nothing was really spectacular, but there isn't really anything you did wrong either. Continue to work on your characters voice and mannerisms (there good now and they will get better). Good work.
Mr. Baller
One RP at a time Baller remmeber that, and I'm glad to see your moving into what may be a good direction. This was one of your better RP's. While I don't know if I agree that it was your coaches fault, you now have managed to take some of the blame off yourself, made yourself a bigger badder heel, and opened up further possibilites for your character. I can't help but feel you (the poster) may have taken a shot a Lee (the poster) by calling out Bateman (a head of creative, similar to Lee) and talking about Lee's wrestler at the beggining. Not a problem, I had a chuckle thinking about it. The first part was okay, set the stage for the events to unfold, in the second part I would've liked to see you tear a bigger bunghole in your coach, instead of going right to "your fired" and punching him. The third part was the best. It set up your match and your beef with Bateman, the interview with Leon was standard but well done. I like that you addressed your strategy and how things will be different. I wasn't aware you've been portrayed as attack quick and fast and then burn out. If so good kob pointing it out and saying how you'll wrestle a more conservative and planned out match. This is how I see your character talking, he's a sports star so I like it when you use game plans, talking about winning, confidence without being pyschoticness, cocky without crazy. I would've like to see you talk more about Ty as no offence to you, but your character has not done/won enough that he can push himself and say how he'll win and expect to win without describing why it is that Ty is no match and why he won't win. Ty is one of the best and simply saying you'll guarrentee victory is the farthest thing to victory. Believe me I know it's hard to dig up things to say about Ty to make yourself look better, but you won't beat him or many others without some stuff to say. Don't be discouraged thou, this was one of your better RP's. Your facing top guys so don't be down if you don't win, and continue to build and mold your character. I like the direction he's going in, just keep the ball rolling.
Royale
I liked the beggining. I almost blinked thinking I had written that instead. (remember I did write your match). Speaking about the match, I like how you a Baker and Excellency made lots of reference to it. Makes me feel like I did a good job. The lead up and anger your character dispalyed after realizing not he but Excellency was getting a rematch was spot on for your character. While the voice of your character (your strong point) was again well done, I felt your bits about Payne were soft. He didn't really turn on his partner, it was a 4 way where the other 2 guys left, not much else he could've done, and since you didn't make further reference to that, maybe that he takes easy wins by turning on those who trust him, it was a pointless statement. Referencing his last name to the real word pain was good, it made sense. I felt that this part was alright, but somehow still a little light on the details about how you will get i done, with less of the cocky flair you began and closed with. You brought up his knee which was also a good idea. It really goes to show I guess how weak wrestling is, that a knee injury keeps him out of MMA, but that he's still able to wrestle professionally. You brought up "the plan" and the glass box, so you do leave us with a few things to make us curious about where you'll go next. It was a good RP. There is stuff to work on and stuff that was good. You've found your voice so your half way there to writing consistently good RP's. Good work.
Thriller
It seems you and Black like to play hide and seek with Becky all the time. It's a good template to use since you both do it well, but I still perfer a more face to face, that allows you to add emotion to the RP. My impression was that you and Black were faces. I mention this because you second note to Becky came off very heel. Again speaking on that, while I know you guys believe yourseves to be the light in WZCW, I can't imagine you believing fellow faces Titus and Bratch defend the darkside. A match up like this calls for perhaps a tad more humbleness and maybe more on your KC opponents and how you'll get a strong warmup vs these main event stars. Becky played her part well, but I just can't get into it as much without Phoeniz being clear and present and his intentions spoken out load with emotion and heart. Rather perhaps, Becky could've found Phoenix, them talk for a bit about the situation and what's a stake, and then Phoenix leaves, leaving Becky with the passage to read, followed by the pyro etc. The RP was good, but I felt it could've been much better.
Karzai
I like the idea you had, a Blog TV show. I thought the whole thing went well in explaining what you wanted to explain. The dialogue between you and the bloggers was good, although the one crazy person did seem forced. I never understood why ppl go online to things just to call down ppl, go do somethign better IMO. Anyway, you never really explained much about how you'll beat Teach N' Kurtsey. You started to and then go sidetracked, little miss there. You focused mainly on Kurtsey instead of the team as a whole. You were very good with the things you said about him, they were accurate and effective, but you were light on Teach. What you said about him was accurate too, but I would've liked to see more. However, reading now, it was the smarter thing to do, given Kurtseys attacks on you and his verbal attacks. Still, I'd have liked to see more calling them out as a team. The jist of what I'm saying is, you countered well, but didn't put yourself and your team over quite enough. You finished with a nice paragraph about your character, it's good for you newer guys to really squeeze out a bit of history and background in your RP's, so we the audience learn about and then learn to understand where your coming from in you RP's. You always put in a bit, so that's a good thing. The pg gave a nice message about overcoming hardships and relating it to your match. A little more discussion about the match, the opponents as a team, and you and Jordon as a team as well, and this would've been a really, really great RP. Great job.
