RP Feedback Thread

[NSL]

Hunter Kravinoff - This was a very good RP. The length was good for what you did, and there was just enough description to keep it going without interrupting the flow. You did leave out your opponent, but since it's a first RP, and you need some character development, this was fine.

One question though: Who's Jacob Jones?

 

[Pimpin]

Rush: Good RP for sure. Granted there was no dialogue in the RP, but I don't think dialogue was needed and you also still managed to get your point across without the dialogue. It's a unique read and I liked your RP, Actually scratch that I loved your RP. I also am a fan of your character as well. Keep up the good work man.

 

[Showtime]

Chris Beckford
Nice little RP. Your characters other interest, Leeds United Football, is a nice casual way of starting your RP. Your character is the among the humblest we have, reminds me of a british Maven or Rocky Maivia. That's fine now, just make sure down the road that you don't let him become stale like those two became.

I felt you nailed the part with Karnage. Sure you lost, but you played up your injuries as reasons you were unsuccessful and with your buddy acknowledged that you did indeed put up a hell of a fight. Your writing throughout the piece is good, however I felt you ending did little to assure your victory. Again, here is your humbleness, your "just happy to be hear", and you put over Rush a heck of a lot, maybe too much in fact, without adding anything new. You compared him to Karnage, which was fine, but then you just went with the same routine, 'try your hardest', 'do whatever you can', without really sounding convincing. We need a little extra emotion next time, a reason why this time will be different, and that your not just happy to be here, but that you want to be here. Your being thrown to the wolves here and put up against some real stiff competition here so I'm not expecting the world. Just keep improving like you've been doing. Good Job

Rush
While the young Chris was glowing with praise about you, you did the classy veteran thing and returned the praise back, well done. But while you did praise him, you also put yourself over very well, as the old vet who's only got a few years and only so many more PPV's left in him. You've done this before, you know the stakes and what it takes to win. You explain it all in a convincing way, yet remain humble, like a teacher working with a student and while you know you'll have the upper hand this time, you hope at least you can pass on to him what you know. Taking what you can, and giving back the rest. Honestly, early on I was not a fan of your character, but now I really like the old vet, and your RP formats (this one and the written letters). You did a good job talking about your opponent, talking about Blade, being the oldest EurAsian champion (considering its length of existence, I may have just gone with 'oldest WZCW champion'), something on WZCW.com (glad somebody makes use of it) and hey even a brief mention of me. Looking ahead, this may come down to you and Big Dave (though Hammond could take the 2-points). Good luck from here on in and great RP.

Titus
Great RP, Lee. It was very well paced, the interactions between you and Becky seemed genuine and real, as opposed to forced like we see in some ppl's RP. There is lot to talk about this week in the world of Titus and you do a good job referencing it all. The attack, rWo, you put over Everest really well, while not making him sound like an impossible climb, you promoted the EurAsian, Elite X, and tag titles (such a boss thing, maybe you guys will do a storyline where Titus is revealed to be the man in charge, lol) and then the Mayhem, which led you to your opponent this week, Mr Baller. You didn't blow him off like most do, and instead commented on how a win for him would do incredible things for him, so that would be his driving factor in winning. I didn't read Baller's yet, so I'm not sure if your commenting on anything he said in his, but this was just a great example of a textbook face RP. Good humour to start and throughout to ease it in, well sectioned parts that dealt with ongoing storylines and feuds happening around your character, self promotion, and then addressing your opponent and the match. Becky was great, and Titus came off a million bucks. With it being Baller, you didn't have to destroy him, so this was a nice easy attack, that summed up every little detail heading into KC, and was very well written. Outstanding job Lee.

Karnage
I see were running with the same format as last RP. It worked last time and it worked again this time. I would've done it actually the exact same way, with Truman Harrys announcing USA and then you come out instead, but it was still done great. The live promo works well because your very good at physical descriptions and clearly explaining your characters reactions and movements. I like how you talked about the over the top American patriotism and how it relates to the war and your opponent. You made the connection perfectly. The character USA was perhaps talked about too little, and the numbers closing was nice, but I felt you needed one effective closing sentence to finish it off as it seemed like you built the end then just ended it. Your character has gone through a wacky cycle, but I know now you've found your niche and today if I were to fight you, I'd probably have my hands full. Solid RP.

Max Karzai
I wasn't really into this RP. The opening, the bit with the cashier, not getting your change back, all didn't add to the match, your character or your team, and wasn't as funny as you may have tried to make it. It's interesting to see how teams portray their partners cause as much as it may be a team effort, it still is your guys RP and as such you add your personal touches and views. Lights is easily portrayed as the quiet and serious one, while you are the talkative, easy going person. I find it funny how you seem to be the leader and the one giving advice and orders around. I don't know if its intentional or not, but you seem to take what he says and reiterate it as your own ideas, like when he suggests you guys train and then a couple of paragraphs later say you 2 need to train and practice harder than before, like it's your idea. You also scold your partner for underestimating SC then you yourself make a similar underestimation, saying plainly you guys can if you really try and that you did the same to Bowen/Osidious. I'm going to be honest, I dpn't see you guys being a great team, but I do see potential for tons of friction between you two, and if you can build it to the point where you hate each other, but are stuck together, you can make your RP's
1)Hilarious
2)entertaining
3)Build to an exciting breakup feud, a la Blade/Karnage
Advice, keep doing what your doing, try to be more focused about the matches and opponents in your RP's, definitely continue playing Lights as the straight man, and look for disagreement that the 2 of you could have. I hate how your both so damn agreeable, lol.

Lights
Nice RP. I like how you continue with the serious hardworking person portrayed by your partner. While you receive few words in his RP, you do a good job portraying him and in this one, his kindness and advice giving skills. Like most of your RP's, we find out more about Lights, always a good thing to have in your RP's, character development and history. I think that the most important part of this RP was that your character spoke up when he was bothered and opened up to Karzai. Developing bonds is the first step to breaking them . Really light in both your RP's was your opponents and I think you may have underestimated yourself too much against them, basically stating that they'll probably win but you'll fight hard. One thing you both need to do is show a little more confidence in your character and not so much dialogue that flips back and forth like "we can beat them, but it'll be hard and we'll probably lose, but we might be able to beat them, but maybe not, but we'll try" Obviously it's not that bad, but that's the vibe I'm getting. I think this RP definitely built you guys more as a legitimate team and you can build on it from here.

 

[Super Crazy]

Well I figured I'd give feedbacking a try, so I'll select a few RP's and try my best.

Trevor Steel - I enjoy your RP's. You are really one with your character and it shows in your RP. Between you and Show, this little underlying storyline about you destroying his old set is playing out quite well. You show focus on that, and at the same time you did a job talking about the league, the opponents and the match you have. Just keep doing what it is that you do and you'll succeed.

Baller - Your recent improvements are moving you out of the comedy jobber role. It feels like you are putting more effort and heart into your RPs. I'm not so sure that you are sure of who your character is though, are you a face or heel?

Baller: Shit man. I’m so close every time and I just come up short. I was sure this would be the beginning of a new era for me, and I don’t care what the results say this is a new era. James I am not done with you, by Kingdom Come I will be the new Mayhem Champion.

Your Roster page says heel but sometimes it seems like you play out some face characeristics. Keep improving and I'm sure you'll get it down. Keep up the good work.

Doug Crashin - Excellent RP. Your experience shows in your RP. You do a great job of introducing us to your character and a fairly good job of talking up Ty and the match you are going to have with him. Keep this up and you could end up moving up quickly in the roster.

Garth Black - You are really in touch with your character, just as are many of the RPers here. This thing with Becky is hilarious, disguises and hiding. Your RP is good and gets the job done, I hope that was your A game. You did a good job of putting your team over and your thirst for the championship.

Phoenix - I am liking these kind of darker promos the last two weeks. When I read your RPs I can feel the intensity from your character. Again, you do a great job of putting over your team and your drive to regain the championship. While doing this however, you leave an air around you that makes us curious to find out more about your character. Excellent job and keep it up!!.

 

[TheDandTheV]

Max Karzai
To sum it up, it was just an average RP. I get that it was part one of a joint RP, but you should still talk about your opponets more. And remember all RPs don't have to be funny. If one of the parts that's supposed to funny isn't it can take away from the RP.

Kurtesy
I looked at what everyone else said about your RP and there isn't anything else I can add that wouldn't be repetitive.

 

[Showtime]

Matt Royale
A fine RP. I like seeing him act more and more like a royal snob. The advisor is a great person for you to act all high and mighty towards. The RP was in fairly standard form; a display of character, an issue to discuss, talk about opponent(s), finish with closing confident reply. I like how you talked about your opponents separately, Mediocrity I thought was brilliant. You smartly pointed out your superiority over Excellency, and when it came to Barker, you admitted that his is a tough challenge, but pointed out a flaw that will seal victory for you. Is it enough to win you the match? I don't think it's quite enough, but it was effective. Heads up, while you may have never been in a Mayhem match, you did engage in a sort of "chair" feud with Matt Fox, so you could've tied that into their that you can play by his dirty rule. Good ending to it too, this may be one of your best RP's. The 'royale' character is really starting to take form.

 

[TheDandTheV]

Showtime
Another great RP. There's not much to say that hasn't already been said. Your doing a great job slowly escalding your feud with Steel and you got me very interested in your feud with Reidar. Good job.

 

[Father:_Polley]

At time of writing, I have 4 feedbacks to do, and I shall.

Baller:
I know for a fact from talking to Lee that he was impressed in what he thought would be a squash match, something I think most people thought. To me, you've struggled with your character and it reflected in RPs.

This one, you actually came across as being serious, you shed the mildly comedy role and became nasty. Personally, I'd have liked a little more interaction with Darby, or flipped it and just KO'd him, before telling him he was fired standing over his unconscious body. But it worked.

Scene with Vance was possibly your best. You came out of it and into an interview with Leon which showed the frustration and whiney nature that Carlito exudes. Carry on this work and the streak will be over. Good work

Carmen:
A solid RP as always. I liked the emotion at the end. It worked nicely a pleasant reminder of Swindle. I do think Karen is a little too, I dunno, efficient at her job without really making you better yourself at times. Just an observation. And I miss the Russian accent.

Scott Hammond:
I'll ignore the fact you blasted the town I now call home. It was ok. eloquent and gave insight into your character, but I didn't feel the frustration. To me it felt a little forced, but the bitterness at the end made it feel a little more real. I think you need to work on your anger a little, but otherwise a good RP and set up for something, which got me interested

James Baker:
I have to be honest, I'm doing yours last because I hated your early work. This was better. A little forced at the beginning, but once you got into talking about the match, it flowed nicely.

The seemingly bipolar side of your character amuses me. You go from being sweetness and light, to talking about extreme violence, to wishing Becky a happy new year. I suppose it's the belt's effect on you, because you need a sadistic edge to hold that belt (unless your Everest - yes it happened, I had to write the match).

 

[Leeds Guy]

Mr Baller Vs Ty Burna - Nice start, shows your character researching, a fact often overlooked in many RP's. I'm undecided on the Agent bit at the begining, it was good to show that your charcters under pressure from outside sources but to me it felt forced, as did the whole coach thing. You didnt need to fire a guy the audience knows nothing about or have him in the RP, again it just seemed unneccessary. I felt the last segment (the Bateman and Kensworth segment) was fantastic and really well written, you came across as a decent Heel, and set you up well for the match. So In short nice opening wobbley start-middle good finish.

Bratchny and Titus vs Second Coming - First off great opening, well described and set the scene nicely. You mentioned the little things that matter, for example you didn't overlook that Second Coming are No1 contenders for the Tag Titles and you addressed the RWO and the future match. Good Rp.

Baker Vs Excellency - Again another fantastic RP from you, I think its only a matter of time before Baker is challenging the main event for the big titles. Everything worked well here, your use of Becky was fantastic and I really liked how you finished the RP with a solo promo about the opponent. I cannot say anything bad about it because quite frankly there is nothing bad.

Lars Reidar vs Showtime - Good opening, I've not seen many people use Johnny Klamour but here you used him well. A Nice insight into Tarja's mindset as well, she seems a very unique character. Looking forward to the second part to this.

Teach N Kurtesy vs Heavy Artillery - Again another top notch RP from you Falkon. Nice bit of humour and quite a interesting RP, you bigged up your opponents and identified the weakness of their team and the Stacey/Kurtesy banter was pretty funny.

Scott Hammond Vs Chris Beckford - Good heel RP, nice bit of history at the start followed up with an intense promo about being screwed by people. I loved the shots at Beckford at the end and you have a really good chance at getting the point.

Next batch will be up when more people RP

 

[a0161613]

Lars Reidar: Good description (great in places, would like to have seen more of it) and great use of the NPC. This is exactly what that kind of character should be there to do. The promo was respectful without going OTT and you are clearly looking to avenge the loss. i would not have minded seeing more of what happened before and after that scene, but you crammed everything that you had to into the RP.

Baller: There is a real lack in transition to this RP, you have three short scene that all end with Camera fade out. There is such a short space of time between them. You could easily work in a small paragraph about what he was doing to get to place to place. I like the coach firing thing but it comes across as a little random. If you had built him up to mean more to Baller then firing him would have been more heelish.

The promo was decent but far too short (you should have attacked his gimmick more) and I wouldnt have wasted any time on addressing people you may not even face at KC.

 

[Father:_Polley]

Round 2:

Doug Crashin
Content-wise, the idea was good... kick out the team and do it yourself, but I fail to see why a rookie would have a large company put into his contract that they were responsible for damages to his property. You attacked your opponent and tried to cover last week's loss with bravado which fitted your character.
Major issues with the formatting (there was none). It makes it hard to read and less striking. Grammar could have also been improved.
My other issue (not just with you) is swearing in RPs. It doesn't happen in TNA or WWE, so why would characters drop the F-bomb in every other sentence.

Gimmick wise I think you've a solid character, but it needs work.

Chris Beckford
Enjoyed the back and forth between Leon and Stacey, and a nice integration of Reynold's leaving as your character is about to be interviewed. I liked the jealousy of the debutant getting a shot, it showed your character reacts to things not directly related to him.
Basic interview, you captured the characters well and I think it was good. I enjoyed it. Nothing groundbreaking, but solid. And the parting shot at Stacey was a nice end.

Austin Reynolds:
Meh, you know you're decent. V different character to your last one. Good shots at your opponent and Milenko. I'm getting tired... who's left

OK, I know there are two left unfedback, but they can wait til later

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Alright, let's start with who I owe:

Chris Beckford: Just like to point out you spelled Madison with two d's, but at least you spelled the name correctly in essence so lets scratch that. I enjoyed how you used a dual interviewing RP between Leon and Stacey, it really gave it something more, something to read without getting boring or following the same RPing mechanism.

The pre-interview opening was great, solidly done. The thing that I can really comment on here is how you addressed a few things in the interview. What you said about your opponent was very good and well-executed. Everything else was a bit too much. IMO, the talk about other competitors in the league and Austin Reynolds getting a shot should have been more condensed, with more focus on your match tonight. Just give a couple of lines on the League and Reynolds and develop more with Hammond.


Lars Reidar: Apparently you are going to do some feedback on the tag match, so I'll respond first with yours.

When I read the first RP, I was kind of worried when the whole thing featured a character of yours seemingly doing flirtatious (in a strange way) with a backstage interviewer. Now, I know you have Tarja as your manager/valet/partner in crime type of person and you want to establish what she is like... but the way it was done in the first half of the RP wasn't something I'd consider writing for an RP as important as this one. Really, the entire situation with Johnny K. and Tarja was something that could have been replaced. If you look past the situation, what Tarja had to say was really well-spoken.

The second half of the RP was very well done, concerning what you had to follow up from. It really showed your character and how menacing you can really be. Everything you could want from an RP was here and I have nothing to complain about.


Max Karzai: Interesting indeed. I did not see this RP coming at all. I was quite amused at how you used a scene typing over the internet inside an RP where you type over the internet. It's like a picture in picture...

Anywho, let's get down to it. This idea is a great way to avoid the use of an interviewer and purposely make the RP solely about your character, something which every RP needs. It's easy to manipulate the comments of others into what you need to say, and what I saw was a good comeback from what me and Teach wrote about you. Most of it was short and sweet, well executed for such low detail.

The little rant at the end against <Oos> was a little bit forced there. Yeah, it did its job by announcing how serious you were and how dominate Heavy Artillery will be, but something about it doesn't click right. I'm not sure what it is.

I don't know about you, but you should have replaced <Oos> with <Derf>



More to come later...

 

[Father:_Polley]

Round 3: (depending on my short attention span)

Killjoy:
First thoughts... I was confused at the start. The wrong names came over well and added a bit of humour to it, but some of the insults just came across as being lame. Either go funny, or go genuinely bad-ass, I think it's a little too in-between at present, but a solid effort.

-vs-

John Smith
Again, solid anger issues, but I feel you're going to need more of a hook than a temper and being a sore loser with a past who intimidates Becky to get by.

Tag match
Kurtsey
Awesomely bitchy opening sequence, good use of Stacey, both in opening and calling you Teach's shield effectively. You elevate your character in a way that is unique, by using minds as opposed to body. I liked it, and liked the ending. Good piece and quite entertaining.
Teach
Good tie in to your partner's RP. It was... random in the extreme sense of the word (good use of Macauley Culkin... probably his first appearance in anything meaningful since Home Alone 2 actually). The song was very good I must say. Grudging respect and self elevation... all in all another good RP and you guys are going to be hard to beat.

-vs-

Jordan Lights
Very angry start, nice use of Kurtsey's own character against him, followed into a character depth that told of your experience. A little descent into madness is good for a character, and you, sir, nailed that descent, and proved how it's not about gold, it's about revenge.

Karzai
Very different approach. Basically a TV interview, and I think it being sort of a mass Messenger convo would have worked just as well and made it more unique, but i approved. I think you capitalised on Kurtsey walking out last time better than anyone else in the match so far. Both you and Lights used your past very well to draw upon, and I think sometimes that can be a very good tool, sometimes not. It works with your guy, whereas my guy has little to no back story at all (because I don't want him to/can't be bothered with it)

A good match... I'll give it to the champs, but the challengers aren't done yet

 

[Pimpin]

Alright it's time to finally get up off my ass and do some feedback. Let's this thing poppin' shall we.

Lars Reidar:

Part 1: I liked the first part. There's not much usage of Klamor in other RP's and it's a rarity to see the type of interaction that Tarji and Klamor have in an RP. Plus I think it did a really good job in introducing Part 2.

Part 2: I felt like this was the better out of the two RP's that you did. It showed just how brutal and menacing Lars can really be. I can't pick out any flaws in here because there are basically no flaws. So basically all I gotta say is great job on the RP's and keep up the good work.

Chris Beckford: Awesome RP. I liked the dual interview interaction between Stacey and Leon as it not only added more to the RP, but it also didn't come across as a bore to the reader which is also a plus.

Now onto addressing your opponents. Well I felt like you addressed them really well and it was very well executed. I also liked the jealousy factor that your character possesses as it shows that your character will not only react to things that's not always related to him (there is nothing wrong with that btw), but that the jealousy makes things a bit more interesting since the challenger to the Elite X title is a debutant.

So pretty much to conclude this. You did another fantastic job on your RP. Your usage of the interviewers was executed well and it was just all around enjoyable to read as well. Again awesome job.

Mr. Baller: I know that i've already told you that you did really well in the PM's that we exchanged, but I gotta say again that this RP was pure epicness and it's easily the best work that you've done so far. Very good job Baller.

Kurtesy: Loved the opening sequence of the RP. I loved the humor that you put in the RP and just the entire interaction between everybody came off hilarious and brilliantly. After reading the entire RP over and over, there's no flaws that i've managed to come across so the only other words that I can say is that you did a really good job with the RP. Great Job.

Teach: I liked how you and your partner's RP's tied in together here. The RP was a bit weird and random, but in a good way it was. I liked the remix edition of Take Me Out to the Ballgame. It was very well done and it had a bit of humor in it as well. Also the "Generic Wrestling Promos for Dummies" thing was hilarious as well. Great job

Jordan Lights: Very angry. I like it. Anger and Madness is always good for any character really as it adds a little bit of a demension to it. I liked how you used your past to give your character a bit more depth and it helped make everything else in the RP gel. You got the point across very well and I like the fact that your character comes off as wanting revenge instead of the gold.

Max Karzai: A bit of a different approach than what your partner did. It's more like an online fan interaction show which made it a bit more unique. Like your partner, you also used your past well to make the RP more of a draw which if done right, it can be a success and both you and your partner were successful about blending your past experiences into your RP's.

Great RP's from everybody in the tag team match. It's gonna go down to the wire for sure, but if I had to pick which team is gonna win. Well i'd pick the champs, but the challengers are getting better and better each week.

I'll do more later. I'm kind've tired right now so forgive me for the spelling errors as well.

 

[Phoenix]

Right some feedback from moi

Bratchny: I liked this RP as it gives some further insight to your relationship with Karen McKenzie. I also liked that you show how Bratchny is doing given that he's got one of his biggest career matches coming up but also the focus on the now with the re-teaming of you and Titus, giving a nice little joke of who will carry who. Nice little past reminder with the with journal being brought back again, it's really seeing you develop and getting primed and ready for your match at the PPV. Nice response to the defeat last week.

Mr. Baller: This is an RP that really got me behind you and really has shown you can pull out some great work here, and given it's against Ty Burna, a guy who barely loses in WZCW, you've giving him quite a challenge. I was very impressed with the way it flowed and nothing seemed out of place, getting rid of Coach has given you some freedom, but simply put, I did get a good read out of this, keep it up!

James Baker: If there's been one partnership that has remained consistant and works so well is you and the Mayhem Championship. Since winning it you have been completely on fire and it shows again this week, your confidence is blooming and you didn't go beyond a point of a face promo because you simply stated fact and added some light hearted down treading on Excellency. Reading these RPs are just great and there's a part of it that has a Baker feel to it, that it's not generic, it's you. Great stuff!

Austin Reynolds: I've been told of your previous run in WZCW and this RP was a nice little welcome back to see what you have done. While I'm not a full big fan of full narration, it fits so well with your RP, you give a nice little history with how he's been before coming in to the company and what he has to say after. You definitely been doing one thing that tends to get overlooked and that's research your opponent, you worked on his past achievements and a nice little reference to Milenko. I liked this, lets see how the champ responds. And (re)welcome to the WZCW.

Scott Hammond: I'm in mixed minds about it, while it's nice to see more of your background, I wasn't too sure of your direction. Naturally how you are in front of an audience and with someone else shows, but it felt a bit blended and I wasn't sure if I'm suppose to dislike Hammond or be concerned about the phone parts, they sort of ruined the flow. While you had a good coverage of the league, your losses and Beckford, I feel the flow was a bit jagged.

Chris Beckford: Firstly, Madison is spelt with one 'd' (sorry), but that aside I liked how you work off the Austin segment, the friction between NPCs to open it up, it sets a good tone for a guy who knows about the fed really well. The RP itself was excellent, flows perfectly. Alot of ground covered, you asked questions that most people would think like why did Austin get a title shot but also giving an open response to how the leagues stand and responded greatly to what Hammond had to say as well. Great RP.

More to come in a bit.

 

[Super Crazy]

Lars - Great RPs. I really like your use of Tarja. Her role as a temptress seems as though it will work out well for you not only in your RPs but it will carry over into your matches too. It was a change of pace for you, and it was a nice lead up to part 2. Part 2 really showed us that Lars has no remorse and just how intense your character can be. I love your comparison of yourself to a cobra. Great work.

The Killjoy and John Smith - I'm grouping these two together because I feel the same about them. I feel like you two have potential, but it feels as if you are not trying hard enough. I think if you guys were to really become in touch with your character, you would do excellent work here. Also, The Killyjoy's humor seems forced and does not appear to come across as it should.

Baller - Excellent RP. This is the best I've seen from you yet. I definitely feel the frustration of your character, and you keep your heel tactics going by beating up your coach before firing him , and also by not taking the blame for your losses. I look forward to seeing your next RPs to see if you can follow up strongly to this one.

Big Dave - When I first joined up, I could not tell who your character was. Maybe that's just my timing and the RPs that suited the feud(s) you were in, but it's nice to see you on your own without the rWo influence in your RP. You can feel the confidence in your RP and it flows throughout from start to finish. The way you talk about Rush being the past and you the future is a great build up to the match.

 

[a0161613]

Big Dave:
I really like the idea of using London. That was great and kicked it off micely. The words were good too, basing it off the future and past. That's good stuff.

I did think it was too short (maybe harsh but to be fair it was very focussed) and didnt have quite enough description to carry it though.

James Baker:
I really like your RPing style and think that you structure it out well. I'd like to see a bit more description to break up the dialogue because I imagine him to to be moving a lot, interacting with everyone around him and showing off the belt, all while cutting his promo.

I think you tried to build up your opponent up before taking him down and I like that too. Maybe you could have done a little better in making this because it seemed like your dialogue got a little mixed up in there between the compliments and attacks.

And I think the setting was too simple for a champions RP. I dont like the standard backstage schtick and it was formulaic and a little ordinary(This isn't applicable to just you and I know it is a common thing around here.). A good speech may not always be enough to win your matches, so I think you need to focus more on developing the characters (Baker and Malik) and allow us to find out something new about them.

Kurtesy:
I like how you constantly seem to try and develop the doctor gimmick. Although its just an interview, you make it part of a larger scene, all of which is interesting.

Your description is good but try not to let it dry up when the dialogue takes over. The dialogue is good, it explains a lot of things and you do well at trying to develop the backstory behind the team. And while acknowledging that you're a rookie, you do well to point out that it wont affect you. Good Stuff.

 

[Phoenix]

Lars:

Part One

If there was one thing I could feel in that RP was the intensity, Tarja is a character that excells her role as a NPC. Now I've known to criticise Falkon for his overuse of Sandy Desserts than Kurtesy, but this is a prime example of how an RP with an NPC works. It was reminding everyone how dangerous of an opponent Lars is and I think using Klamor fits to this well. I think that Tarja was "exploited" well and I think her role as a manager worked here, she kinda felt like Onatopp from Goldeneye, not afraid of her sexuality but will be in professional mindset despite the situation.

Part Two

I think where many have seen this as the best part, I actually felt both parts were strong together because they connected and flowed as one. I think this part would have not succeeded had part one not been around. As said, the intensity was set in the first part and it blew wide open for the second, which shows how the power lies in part one. You got the suspense, getting people to await what happens and part two delivered. While part two seems to be more of a general overview, that's how I see the two parts, one big RP that gave suspension and delivered on action. Remember when I said I found Lars/Vengeance creepy? This was why they worked, because you could suspend the situation to build up the fright factor of him.

In short, the two RPs combined were great, Tarja was used greatly and helped put Lars over even stronger, Show definitely has a challenge this week.


Doug Crashin

I think Polley has it mostly covered, but one thing I picked up on was this:

"The cameramen are literally about to shit their pants"

We can't see the cameramen to begin with, so how can we tell? The reaction they give would have been good enough.

Grammar needs some improving, I didn't like seeing every line without a capital letter to start with and the swearing does need to be brought down as it contradicts with your character, does Lex Luther ever swear? Not to my knowledge, evil genious don't need to bring themselves down with swearing. RP wise, I liked what you had to say about Hunter and your match with Ty, but I feel it was a bit jumbled up. Like Polley said, you got a solid gimmick, just needs some work.


Kurtesy

Again I'm in mixed minds, I felt Stacey in the opening didn't work until she got into the office. I felt that RP was good but some areas dragged on for me, Sandy being less used this time worked, but I felt I was re-reading a lot of what has been said before, while it's good to remind us of how things worked out for Kurtesy, I just felt that reading it again affects the momentum, it's like Back to the Future Part 2, they go back to the alternate 1985 and within ten minutes, the situation is explained three times over when the first time was more than enough! While you did use it effectively to compare yourself to Heavy Artillery, just too much was used when less would have worked. My only other complaint was that while the ending was good funny wise with Copeland, I'd replace with him Connor since he's been working with Cohen for many years. It's a good RP but I felt too much was forced out in some areas.


William Teach

Liked the opening and tie in with Kurtesy's RP and the humour worked a bit better here. Some bits felt rather random, but they worked strangely, the song was good and nice tie in with other characters from the roster. My main complaint is what you had to say about the tag division, given I spent the good part of the year in that division, I took some slight offence given as there was some great Tag Matches and the Tag Titles were in a Triple PPV Main Event, granted a year ago, it was heavily overlooked and almost dead.

Outside of my personal view, it was an enjoyable RP and flowed better, some of the humoured wasn't as forced, but it did work.


Jordan Lights

Woah, someone's joining the darkside. I liked this, you could feel the intensity of your feelings coming across, while nicely touching upon your back story, you really have made this match more about being a personal issue than about them being champions and you going for the belts. I think if a rivalry fully blows out, this is the RP that does it. I really liked this and I think you gave a good reaction given the situation your opponents put you through, great stuff!


Max Karzai

I loved the originality for this RP, using a live blog definitely worked and you used the unpredictability of what people ask to your advantage, taking it beyond a standard interview. It definitely felt like an internet forum, blog, youtube, where someone insults beyond reasoning and gets kicked off. I liked how you had something to say on everyone, your opponents and partner. (All four are doing great for interactivity) I couldn't really see any faults really because you worked it as we would see on the internet. I liked this, great stuff!


The Killjoy

I liked the first RP, it worked for a first timer in their first official match. I felt it worked, while the humour is groan type and slightly forced, it still worked and I think you did a good introduction to yourself. That being said, you fell victim to the Second RP Curse, it undid everything you did. Your first one did great, you didn't need this second RP to put you over, while you may feel your opponent did better, you don't need to use the second rp to re-establish yourself and the second one was more forced. As said, liked the first RP, but the second undid it.


John Smith

I quite like your RPs, the main element is the forcing down our throats of your backstory, I feel your character can get over without a character saying about how dangerous is beyond professionalism. If I was to give some advice, look up the RPs by Karnage and James Baker in his first run. Karnage doesn't shove his past crimes down our throat and still got over, but when Baker was a heel, he actually beat up people violently in his RP and they weren't popular. Best thing I can say is while you protray him as angry and dangerous, restrain them because it doesn't always sit well with the crowd.

I like your RPs, but if you restrain the background of the murders, etc. It will add better dimensions to your character but will allow you room to grow.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Just paying me dues in the feedback department:

James Baker: The Mayhem championship is probably the hardest title to write RP's for as you have to be consistently on your game and defend the title. After reading what you had to say, I found another great result that should give you the win.

Personally, the rant at the end, I would have added some more Becky Serra in there between places to add to the dialogue and is more believable in prompting your character to talk. It was well executed how you did it, don't get me wrong, it's just my own personal preference.


Big Dave: Good use of adding the New Year in your RP, something we all forgot about. I liked how you used the settings and the time zones to capitalise within the RP. The whole RP was solid except for the start that I found a little off. I think it might have been better if you showed the time and a calendar, then alluding to the fact that where Rush lives is a little behind. Maybe a little more reference to the situation, explaining that Rush is behind the times (both literally and figuratively).

Otherwise, Rush has got a tough task on his hands.


Austin Reynolds: This is certainly different. I see quite the narration, something like a story if you will. Well, professional wrestling is about telling stories, so I can see the necessity for some to think this way. I'm very skeptical about this. Some parts of the description does well and others are something you don't expect when adding a description, it feels like you are adding extra bits that are irrelevant.

Personally, most of the things I'd write like that would be in dialogue formatting because description should only be used to give an idea to the readers on what is going on in the current situation, not the overall effects and outside influences.

I guess I just have to see a couple more RP's from you to understand and get used to your writing style before I can completely become a judge of feedback for you, because the narrative description is too abstract for me to comment properly. The dialogue is excellent and the characters are done down to a T, as well as the formatting. It's just the narration that puts me sideways.

Welcome to WZCW Austin Reynolds.


Jordan Lights: It doesn't feel right giving Max feedback but not you. I understand that you have had a rocky start, but every RP is getting much better from you. It does take a little bit to get into the hang of RPing, and you are doing well and it shows in this RP.

This is the best RP you have written. Formatting is up to standards. The minimal yet key description sets the mood perfectly. The character development and gimmick is down-packed. There is basically nothing wrong, it is solid. But, there are two minor things I have picked up:

1) The very last line Lights said detracted from the RP. It might have been best to leave out the "Break your neck" line to add some mystery.

2) When you say "Do you know what hell is like?", this is where you might have inserted a description on how the flames in the boiler rose from the depths of hell or something, to add more emotion. This is not a detriment without it though, just a personal comment.

Well done, I'm proud of you and Karzai for stepping up to the plate. What you said especially Lights, was something I wanted you to say.


Blade: You are right, Blade is going through a downward spiral. The way you have written the first half really reflects this and you did a nice job of conveying it. I can't touch anything in the first half. But, the second half is something different.

I'm not quite sure what direction you are going (which is supposed to be like that considering the mystery), but it's something I would have saved for another RP. What you did in the first half was excellent, and you could have stretched it further to become really frustrated and explain yourself in a dark light about your match. I would bet my tag team title that you would have gone over Zander if you expanded the first half. Then, you could have used the second half for the next match to develop your character.

However, the way you did it was pretty good.

 

[a0161613]

Frankie Smith: I liked this a lot. It has a lot of good points. I liked your approach (getting the names mixed up) and the ending was funny too. I don&#8217;t normally like kids in RPs but it certainly worked.

However there are things that I like to think could be useful. Your gimmick and alignment is unclear. He comes across as aggressive at times and as a face at others. And while you replied to my RP a little too much for my liking (I don&#8217;t mind and besides I know it&#8217;s allowed here), you didn&#8217;t address my gimmick and the accusations I made about you as champ. I figure this would give you ideal material with which to respond to it.

Trevor Steel:
This is how RPs should be written. Good flow of dialogue with description to set the scene. I like how you set the bigger picture (with Showtime) but that does mean that its' promo was lacking. But I like the attitude the character shows and the faces almost reluctant aggression is demonstrated particularly well too. (I've found RPing as a face to be more difficult so I can appreciate when it is done well.)

 

[NSL]

Austin Reynolds - I like your style. The RP has a steady flow, gives all the needed information, and it gives us noobs a look into your character and his manager. I, for one, am excited to see you back here, and look forward to seeing what bring to the table.

Blade - I'm loving the heel turn. The opening half was good, and set up the second part well. The mysterious voice gives everyone a reason to follow your character, and read through your whole match. Good luck beating Zander (He has it coming to him)...

 

[NSL]

Big Dave - I don't know why you're so down on this one. I like the story you told, and even though the description was kept to a minimum, we still got a good idea of the setting and mood. Very solid RP here.

Mr. Baller - This was a great RP. You're on quite a losing streak, but you're definitely getting better, week after week, and it shows. Not much else I can say here.

 

[Leeds Guy]

Lars Reidar vs Showtime RP 2 - Great start, set the scene nicely, not often we see what goes on in the process of setting up an interview. nice opening dialogue going from shouting to whispering, shows the mindset of Lars going into match 2. Nice finish the attack on JK worked well and added to the RP, All in all very solid.

Doug Crashin vs Hunter Kravinoff - First thing Yellow isn't really a good colour to have in an RP, However you used it well with it being the colour for a NPC. Alot of swearing brought this RP down a bit though, its rare in itself to see a rich man swear and also there is no way we could tell that the Cameramen would about to ''literally'' shit their pants, perhaps more detail would have been better for example the camera panning to see who it is. Also the further we get down the RP the colours switch the cameramen are now in Yellow and Jason is in red seems kinda roundabout, you could have just used the cameramen in red. Overall it needs a bit of improvement IMO, but other than that the rest of it was fairly solid.

Jordan Lights - I feel you could have done more to introduce Lights to the RP, Instead of just 'the only light is from Jordan' perhaps something along the lines of 'we see Jordan Lights stood with a light reflecting in his face' or something like that but again thats just my opinion. Alot of misplaced commas as well. I liked the RP though, It was very intense and now it seems it has become personal between you and Kurtesy, overall a good RP.

Max Karzai - Great detail to start off and a nice idea with the live blog. Like Lights you have made it personal with TNK and the shots at them worked well in the RP. I liked the RP it was a little different but definitely good, cant really add much more to this.

Teach - at the RP, very funny stuff and completely random. I liked how you intergrated other characters into the song and the end. The humour was really really weird but in a good way. Having said that though they humour made it come across that you really were not taking the match very seriously and the RP really didn't bring up many points outside of the humour. A short sentance about HA isn't really enough for me to say this RP was good.

The Killjoy vs John Smith - Didn't like the humour, it felt really forced and unnecessary. The rest of the RP was pretty average, usual standard stuff. Set you up ok for the match and then BOOM the dreaded second RP came and took away what you had. It was pointless to add a second RP as the whole RP felt forced together. But you have plenty of time to get better.

John Smith Vs The Killjoy - Hmmm dont really like the gimmick, if you killed wrestlers you wouldn't be allowed in any wrestling promotion again, I'm glad these are just rumours at the moment. You used Becky pretty well and it was fun to see an insight to your characters life before WZCW. The RP could have done with some work as it just seemed back and forth between Bex and Smith, In my opinion there could have been more discription into the surroundings and an item that was in the locker. But I suppose a bit of mystery is a good thing.

Blade vs Zander - I'm loving your RP's at the minute and cannot wait to face you in the EurAsian league match whenever that is. I love how the RP started off with a nice face Blade doing something good for the fans and then Boom it all changed due to one fan hitting a nerve. I'm liking this slow turn. Good finish with the mystery voice (which i read with my best James Earl Jones impression) Great RP setting the match up nicely I can't wait for the match.

Big Dave vs Rush - Nice start with the New Year, from then on it was a very dark sombre RP, A tad short for my preference but it worked well. Can't really say much more.

Rush Vs Big Dave - First off I loved the use of me in the RP and I could feel the tension when you entered the room. The rest of the RP was very solid and I think you have a damn good chance of beating Dave. I also liked the humble comments about Dave, saying he has got alot of talent but lacks respect and I also liked the comment about how one being on top and the others not could rip the RWO apart. Really good RP here.

Frankie Smith vs Austin Reynolds - First off Anto's line cracks me up Justin Reynolds it made me giggle. Good RP pretty box standard RP for a champion. You used the fans well to the point where I'm not sure if your a face or heel now. Can't say much more cos I have arm cramp from typing too much.

Karnage vs Ace David - Another mysterious stranger, so much mystery in WZCW at the moment.I loved how you went all the way back to the Lethal Lottery to start the RP and the thoughts running through your mind. Good RP. I was quite shocked that you did a second RP as i felt it was not needed but when I started reading it I enjoyed the second RP more than the first. You used Leon well and your comments about Ace were extremely well written.

Ace David Vs Karnage - Nice setting for the RP in the middle of the Everest match again a bit diferent that the usual RP's which can only be a good thing. I loved the banter between you and Dave showed the pride and passion you have for each other and it was a good buddy moment. The finish was good. overall good RP.

Trevor Steel vs USA - Good RP from the off, great description of the scene, It was a rare occasion that you got the point across without saying hardly anything and I liked it. Obviously the legal situation is playing on Steels mind and becoming a distraction. Can't wait to find out were this goes.

 

[a0161613]

Beckford:

It had a good build and interaction between Madison and Leon. That was a pretty unique approach to take.

The promo was very good - again, unique in how you attack London in response to his promo. And I think you timed it well, to summarise the competition in your league at this point. I think the style is good and you developed the character too, plus you got me interested the relationship between Beckford and Leon.

And I like the shots that you took at my character. Very cleverly worked in.

 

[Blade]

I'm gonna add grades to my RP feedback now, since feedback can occasionally be a bit vague.

Steel:
Interesting RP. I always enjoy your character, and this RP added some nice depth to Steel. It made him seem more human than ever, it showed that he can be shook and he can feel disappointement. The loss obviously came as a blow to Trevor, and as someone who went through it myself (though to nowhere near the level you did), having a loss after a nice winning streak kinda sucks, but it's gotta happen eventually. While I hope that Steel will go back to his old, slightly more cheerful ways, this RP no doubt helped develop the character. The one thing I would've added to this RP to make it better is perhaps an internal monologue. We could tell Steel wasn't in a good mood, but you should've expanded on that to develop your character even more.
C+

Showtime:
Wow, huh, what to say about this RP? There's alot there, and I don't what points to touch on, but I'll say this. Seeing Showtime as more, shall we say, human in this RP was pretty cool. I'm not saying his usual cockyness and such is a disguise or anything, but it was good to read an RP where it wasn't on display for all to see. And we got Showtime's true, in-depth feelings about Reidar rather than you just ripping apart your opponent, which is usually at the core of your RP's. I also enjoyed learning a bit about Showtime's history, even though there wasn't much there. I'm not sure what the deal is by putting so much about Trevor Steel in there, perhaps I missed something or didn't read one of your matches properly. But i like where it's going.
B.