RP Feedback Thread

[Viola Moonlight]

Jordan Lights ... ... ... ... ...

Hmmm... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Oh... oh... ahuh... ... ...


Well... when I said to replicate Max Karzai's RP, I didn't mean to actually replicate what he addressed in his RP. I meant that you should use the exact formatting style (which you did do) and use the RP to address your side of the story in your own character (which you didn't). What I saw in Karzai's was exactly the same in yours, such as the mention that you're hungry. I am not an expert on Tag Team RPing as me and Teach have only attempted one of these joint ones together, but I can tell you that one half of the RP should achieve one thing with the other half doing something completely different... but still integrating some parts off each other. All you did was re-address everything.

It may seem like I am being very harsh here. To tell you the truth, if you were doing a solo RP... I can say that you have made quite the improvement last time you tried your hands at RPing and you could have gotten enough in that to get the victory. As a Joint Tag Team RP with Karzai, the second half was kind of a flop. Other than replicating Karzai's RP, you did not develop your character at all. What I read was a generic RP where I have to assume that you are a face. You need to look at your gimmick and run with it. You are like what "The Pope" does (you know who I mean, right?), so why don't I see that with your character?

So, here is a quick rundown of the RP:

Good Points:

- Excellent formatting
- Great description work
- Great follow through by using Karzai's formatting
- You have improved immensely to take steps into becoming a good RPer, you are starting to get the hang of this.

Bad Points:

- It was a replica of Karzai's RP. Not good when you are doing a Joint one.
- No character development, very generic
- I was confused whether you were a face or heel

Notes:

- Find a way to become one with your character. Before your RP, be Jordan Light's and his gimmick. Get the juices flowing to be him, then begin to write where the dialogue and movement of Lights is what you describe him to be.

- When designing a joint RP, make sure one of you addresses one point and the other addresses the other. (E.g. Teach/Kurtesy's RP that won the gold. Teach established the scene, added some entertainment, shed some light as to why he is there and set the scene for me. Kurtesy introduced himself, made reference to the opponents, explained why T&K had a chance at winning, end the scene)


You have the hang of being an RPer SuperCrazy and with a few more practices and experience you will become a good one that Creative can't ignore you. All you need to do is know how to use your character. Trust me when I give this to you. I failed with AshLeigh FalKon because I did not know how to use him properly, but I got the concept of RPing. Now I'm Kurtesy and I hold gold. I hope you can understand where I am coming from.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

A basic note to all beginners, myself included:

Falkon, you did address a problem which seems to be a big one around with everyone in your Feedback, which was, sticking with the gimmick you set out with. I think its hard, because with every RP its a different situation and you're writing it in a different mood, and to simply just force it into your gimmick can look...well forced. I find it hard to keep to my gimmick, even though it seems to be very broad, so thats something I certainly need to improve on.

I would definitely give that message to everyone. When you are going through your RP, proofreading, go back to your profile which the staff have put up in the Roster Section. Cross reference and see if it matches. If your RP is too generic, it wont stand out, and your gimmick is your tool to make you stand out. Give your RP the personal touches and you have a winner.

So when you have Max Karzai and he's blasting AC/DC down the highway, you get a small taste for his gimmick. It's only tiny, but it helps add to it and conveys his simple message across better than if it were just locker room interviews.

With you, Jordan, I understand you're a judge from the streets or something of the sort. I know that may be hard to tie in with your current scenario, but you always have to bring in your own personal flair. The style is fine, as is the formatting etc. All of the writing itself is good, just work on the subject matter and a few nuances and you'll be set to challenge for the gold.

 

[Leeds Guy]

Karnage Vs Beckford - Great heel RP. When I read it though I thought to myself this guy is a monster who doesn't care who he hurts to get what he wants. I liked the fact that you seemed bitter about losing to Blade and that it was obviously playing on your mind. The layout was perfect although I personally am not a big fan of purple for the main guy in the RP you made it work with what you wrote. The only thing I thought brought down the RP is how it finished, I'm not a big fan of RP's that finish on a sentance and I felt that there was more you could have done to leave the area, perhaps a pose or intimidating threat to the crowd or something. That is just me knitpicking though, it was a great RP.

Mr Baller Vs James Baker - This was a much better RP than your previous one, you gave your character some depth, I liked how you focused your frist paragraph on the leaves that fell from the tree. The main thing I liked about this RP is how you mentioned the history of your next opponent, it shows you took the time to do the research on Baker. The bad point of this RP is it was a little short, Length doesn't mean anything though as I found out from Lee yesterday but I felt that there was more you could have done. Your on the right track and it was a good RP I don't think it will be good enough to bring you the Mayhem Championship though.

Kurtesy (Special Referee) - I liked the RP, I'll be honest I wouldn't really know what to write for a special referee RP but you pulled it off with comedy, I felt Leon was used a bit differently than usual but in a good way. You gave us a slightly comedic side to Leon which can only be a good thing. The layout was perfect and colour co-ordinated well. Maybe the RP went on longer than it perhaps should have but thats me just knitpicking again. It was a good RP.

Karzai/Lights Vs Bowen/Obisidious -
Karzai - First thought why was Leon in the car with you guys? It was never explained in the RP. Granted he is an interviewer but I don't think he would jump into a car with you guys just for an interview. Other than the misplacement of Leon the RP was good, not too long not too short. One problem I had with it was that we never got Karzai's thoughts on your opponents you focused on why you decided to become a tag team more than the actual match itself. For me a mix of why you became a tag team and thoughts about the match would have gone better. The Layout was good although I dont think purple is a good colour for the lead character but that didn't take anything away from the RP. Decent RP

Lights - I liked this, you didn't beat around the bush and got straight into it with your thoughts on your opponents. I liked the comedy in the RP and your use of Leon was good. You did however seem to repeat a lot of what Karzai said in the first part. The layout was good and colour co-ordinated well. I'd say both yours and Karzai's RP were on equal ground. It wasn't bad it was good. I can imagine writing a Tag Team RP would bring challenges so I'm not going to criticize you too much on it.

Teach(Special Referee) - Entertaining RP, very funny. Layout was good,colour co-ordinating was good. I liked how you brought up the other wrestlers and the comment about the Subway diet from Kurtesy's RP. Can't add much more as there isnt much more to add. Great RP.

 

[The Doctor]

Mr. Baller (Part 2)
*sigh*...

Why, why couldn't you have taken my advice? I told you in the PM, work on your actions. This is gonna sound hypocritical, considering what Leeds Guy pointed out in my RP, but you need to explain reasons WHY. Don't leave it to the viewer to assume that it's because of your new attitude.

Speaking of which, I told you that the interviewer really shouldn't have been that scared. Until now, Baller has been nothing more than a joke. A contemplative RP in Central Park isn't going to suddenly make you terrifying.

I really wish you had taken my advice, but as it is, I think you may have screwed your chances of winning.

I'm sorry.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

Karnage:

Yeah it was good. Formatting, content, top notch as always. It was interesting for sure and the fresh setting, even though we've seen it a few times before, didnt feel too overdone. My problem is with the direction of your character. I know Blade vs Karnage has been raging for months, but my understanding was that Lethal Lottery was it. Now, Im not on Creative, but I would think that being in different title leagues pretty much shows its done and dusted.

I completely understand the need to use it as a launching pad and addressing what happened is very important. But I would just be careful. The RP is Karnage, not Blades, and be mindful not to keep referring to it, otherwise it might be a bit of a crutch for your RP. I'm being oversensitive here though, and no doubt Karnage will begin to focus on the task at hand next week more thorougly.

Still, a nice job.

Big Dave:

I don't know what it was man. But I really liked this RP. You addressed everything you needed to quite succinctly, and gave the mood of the rWo and FHD, namely Big Dave even without directly saying so. Maybe i'm just a sucker for the way you formatted, and the phone calls and youtube link were great. Also addressing smaller details like finishing moves and other future opponents just really added to the piece. Lovely RP.

 

[Blade]

Feedback for various people time!

Karnage:
This was pretty good, basically. I'm not entirely sure what direction you're going in with Karnage after our feud, but you dropped the diary! From the other feedback I've read, people think that it's a bad idea that I was such a big part of the RP. But I disagree, I think if you're going to use the loss at Lethal Lottery as an incentive for Karnage to become more ruthless than before, then go for it. Let Karnage become obsessed with losing to Blade, then make him use it to his advantage.... Uhh, if that's the message you were going for in your RP, anyway...

Baller:
Oh Baller.... Your first RP was good. It got your message across with being too long. You said what you wanted to say, you talked from your heart and it paid off well. You had put yourself across as someone who was going to be taken seriously from now on. It was all good. But then you did the second RP....
Ok, the second RP was definitely not needed and sort of crossed out the message you'd put forward with the first RP. Firstly, it seemed to be packed with an awful lot of cliches. I am a hater of cliches, and it brought down the RP alot in my eyes. Also, if you're going to work off your opponent's RP, you have to make sure you do it very, very well or else you come off looking unoriginal. I don't want to be harsh, but the second RP might have landed you back at square one. Just remember the critisism and try to do better.

Big Dave:
It was ~Ok. The tension within the rWo will no doubt become an angle within itself, and your RPs are starting to plant the seeds for that angle. I thought it was a tad boring at the end though, when you were looking over the tournament participants and talking to Ace. But the first half of the RP was really cool I thought, it was just a bit long at the end. Looking forward to facing you in the EurAsian league!

 

[Leeds Guy]

Big Dave Vs Scott Hammond - Great RP, I liked how you started it immediatly after the Lethal Lottery walking through the back seeing all the wrestlers. It was a little note that made the RP seem genuine. I also liked how you scouted Hammond by youtubing his match with Milenko. The layout was good and colourwise it was fine. Good RP

Blade Vs Sanna - I liked this RP, you had a nice mix of comedy and intensity from the off and your use of Rebecca was well done. I liked how you mentioned that the Karnage rivalry had ''helped you in your destiny''. All in all a decent RP which was set out well.

Trevor Steel Vs Ace David - Fantastic RP, I really liked this, it was quite emotional which in my short time in WZCW was something completly different to what I have seen so far. Your prioritys were set from the start and the ending has kept me in suspense I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes. You addressed matters other than your match but importantly didn't forget about it which is a good thing. Good RP

Mr Baller Vs James Baker RP- 2 - Why oh why did you decide to do a second RP. I agree with everyone else, it has hurt your chances of winning and basically cancelled out everything your first RP made for you. I thought you was on the right track with your first RP but my confidence in you has been shattered after your second. Your use of Becky was unnecessary, I doubt she would have been that intimidated by you conisdering at the moment you are the joke of the company.

 

[NSL]

Chris Beckford - Not a bad RP for a newcomer, but it is rather routine overall. The opening was nice, but then the rest was the simplest of formulas. Question, answer, question, answer, and so on. You did well with it though. I like how you made sure to close with your thoughts on Karnage.

 

[NSL]

Karnage - Terrific RP. It covered your history with Blade, which is just about everything you need to be motivated going forward. It showed the "monster" side of Karnage, while showing he's still a man having issues...

 

[Showtime]

Max Karzai
Good RP. There isn't a whole lot that jumps out, it's pretty standard question answer, but it does a good job establishing who your character is, his behaviour and attitude. You and Jordon appear to be an odd pairing, and while you act like your all for it, it seems you two are pretty distant and while trying to put a happy face on it, just aren't going to mesh. Which is fine, Blade and Karnage didn't exactly mesh (Karnage being on prosac and happy pills, Blade being a rebel) and they turned into a huge feud between each other. You character is the talker and in his mind the leader, he does all the talking and putting Lights in the back again positions yourself as the figure head. If you continue this you have a good chance to really run with it and make it entertaining. Writings solid, I think you really undersold your opponents thou and while you pushing yourselves as hungry and ready to go full out was a good idea, the underscoring of your opponents and the titles made you seem arrogant, which I'm not sure is how you want to portray your character.

Jordon Lights
I liked the idea of beginning right after Max left off. However, you seem to let what Doc said in his RP influence everything you said in yours which I felt took a lot away. After appearing so distant in Doc's RP, you reiterate a lot of what he said. "The rest is history..." what does that means, did you guys do stuff? Again thou, both you guys claimed to be good friends, but I just don't believe it in either of your guys writing. You both should decide soon if you should continue this pattern till it leads to an eventual break-up, or see what you can change so you guys do sound like more than friends but partners on the same page. Back to the RP, your writing flows well but I'm not seeing a lot of substance or individuality. Your guy is plain, and I'm already tired of seeing words like 'hungry', 'fighter' and 'earned' If you guys are hungry and 'not gunna lie down for veterans', then I'm shocked you wouldn't want to stick it to the former champs Second Coming. Instead you put over their opponents more than even yourselves. You guys talk of never being pinned, but truth be told you haven't even had a match yet where there are pinfalls so this is really misleading and seemed like stabs to make yourself sound impressive. Anyway, there is lots of good out of this RP and if you two continue to work together al a FHD, then you guys will have success.

Blade
Great RP. "If I can beat Karnage, I can beat anyone... even Showtime" LoL, that's how it should've read. I actually thought back to our last match where I talked of climbing and beating the mountain (karnage) that you are only trying to asscend. Something like that would've been awesome, but let's get back to earth here. I like the xcited confidence in your character. The quitting smoking thing is humourous, especially after saying you were free of anger, and could play well in your next several RP's. You talk just the right amount about Karnage, Sanna and myself, and the ending was great. Obviously not as good as your LL RP but a great one none the less.

 

[Showtime]

Karnage
Good RP. I think it's been said, this one really put over your opponent. It's okay, he beat you only because you wanted to destroy him and failed. I'll get back to that. The opening was well written. Your intro was very good, sending fear through the whole audience. Liked the connection to the match. The closing paragraphs were alright, seemed a little short and flat compared to the anger you showed throughout. "Blade got the better of me because I had some history with him.", after that I probably would've added a couple more sentences. Something like how you wanted to destroy, cripple, or snap Blade in half, and got carried away instead. Something to build to what you say about Beckford next. Final paragraph was actually pretty good Anyway, another solid RP.

Also, don't focus on how many times you've been pinned. Karnage would be the last person concerned about how many times he's been pinned, plus your just asking for it to be 3, then, 4, and so on...

Beckford
I like to think of Chuck Myers as the face GM and Vance Bateman as the heel one. Also I thought the whole bit with Myers was also too long. I could see it was a way to recap your history, but it could've been done without all the 'heat' drawing remarks. Anyway, the rest of the RP was very solid. I don't know why, but I love your character. You don't see too many of these, grateful newcomer who's happy to work hard, pay his dues, and be here. Egos, psychos and tough guys, and Mr. Baller, that's all we see. You are in an interesting position. Even though multiple people won contracts, you were the first sole winner of your contract match since my first one back over 6 months ago when Chief Anoki pinned yours truly. Anoki got quite a good push after and had tons of momentum and now you have a chance to do the same. Q and A was pretty good, shows a good character highlight that you just like the common person. The questions informed us of your past, put over several wrestlers, and ended with a nice summing up of Karnage. I like how you used his "I've only been pinned twice" (Big K, told you it would backfire) Your character knows he's in for a fight and that he could lose, but he also knows what's at stake and is determined to make a statement. Great RP.

Big Dave
I see were still afraid to talk to the camera and keep doing dialogue through cell phones. I kid, I love that actually. It really makes them different compared to most. Great work on this one. FHD break seems to be in the works and the two leagues is a great way to begin the split. You paint a good story, without ever giving away too much (I guess that's why you use the cells, on;y hear one half on the conversation) You play Dave well as a smart and calculating fellow. He looks out for himself and has extreme confidence in himself, you've built him up well from your hoodie beginnings. The youtube idea was great, calling out the similarity between finishers was smart (which I thought was a no no. using same finishers), you put him over as a tough challenger, but someone you will beat. Great RP.

Mr. Baller
Well well well, Mr. Baller. It seems many are trying to re-educate you. Now I'll try not to scold you so much, cause I don't see much so much wrong with you. Let's face it people, not everyone is going to be amazing and not everyone can be a top guy. Everybody is trying to out write everyone so no matter what, some are destined to murk in the lower middle till they find their nitch (or change characters, eh Kurtsey, lol) I don't recall anybody trying as hard to help Murfish with his wacky randomness as we are with Baller. But now off my rant.

The first RP was good. A little short, which I think scared you to write a second, but it was good. It got across the message that you were changing. The leaf metaphor was good, for your and Barkers (although crushing a leaf in my mind does seem a little weak). You did good research on Barker and his first Ascension and how you'll do the same, and the closing was nice, although by now I'm sick of leaves.

The second RP to begin was unnecessary, was done probably out of fear that your first one wasn't enough. First change won't happen fast. It will takes weeks and months of fine tuning your RP's style, you will probably still lose as many matches as you'll win, but you can eventually get to where you'll put up consistent fights.

Anyway, the RP went back to the random unfunny remarks and Becky acting more scared than she should (almost wet her pants, come on, your character is not that intimidating, he's not Lars). I don't get why you try to act like the courageous hero to start, and you reiterated stuff you made in your first and added little. You got scared about what Barker said about you and felt you needed to counter, but you didn't add anything really different or important. People will comment on you as a 'laughstock', don't let it get to you and just continue to improve and change I tried to counter my opponents one time in a second RP. It lead to "The Ringmaster: Showtime Edition", funny stuff (Phoenix knows what I'm talking about). Anyway, this RP was unnecessary.

Barker
Solid RP. So Malik is the bad influence, eh. Your writings become consistently good. I much prefer Barker as a face than a hell. You countered Baller's RP well, something I know you're not accustomed to doing since you are usually the first person to RP. To pointed out a lot of Baller's faults and showed good confidence in yourself as champion. You talk a mean trash, and now your beginning to be able to back it up. Great RP, nothing bad to say really.

 

[Pimpin]

Here's some feedback.

Trevor Steel: Fantastic piece there, I really liked this RP alot. I thought you balanced everything out while making it filled with emotion & suspense all at the same time. I'm looking forward to seeing where all of this goes from here. Again very good RP.

Mr. Baller: As much as I like to win against my opponents & I really do like to win against them. I also want to see people succeed in this game & I feel like the second RP was a setback for you. I don't want to sound like a broken record here, but I thought that your usage of Becky was a tad bit unnecessary. For one the Mr. Baller character isn't a feared superstar yet. Key word here is yet.

I feel like you shouldn't have posted the second RP at all as sometimes posting 2 RP's will backfire on you. You have the potential to be good, but you need more time to develop your character towards being serious. First RP was good, second one set you back.

I'll post some more feedback later when there's more RP's to comment on (aka Showtime & anybody else who wants feedback).

 

[Father:_Polley]

A rarity... feedback:

Dr Kurtsey:
Well written, amusing, very odd. The only problem I had was trying to keep track over who the hell was actually speaking. It takes a little longer, but putting the speaker in bold before they speak is helpful.

Nice ending to it, but the gimmick infringement angle has been done before. A better character than Falkon though. Although I did like the combination between you two guys.

Heavy artillary:
It was good, but I think you guys focused on the background detail more thatn anything else. To be honest, you both put yourself down in ways I didn't think would help, purely because it seemed you didn't actually respect or care who your opponents were/

It's good work, but you'll need to step up to topple the champs.

Blade:
Off the back of your first major feud, the recovery wasn't bad. Downside is that Karnage isn't the guy you need to worry about. It's the soon-to-be EurAsian champion. Good passion, but again, needs to be stronger for the gold.

more to follow

 

[NSL]

James Baker - I liked this RP. It gave us a refresher course on your character, and covered your injury well. You covered the match with Baller, and came off as a true fighting champion.

Showtime - Another solid RP. It seems Trevor trashing your set has actually helped you You addressed your opponent, and his history, and really set yourself up as the dominate wrestler. Should be interesting to see how this all goes forward...

 

[Showtime]

Trevor Steel
Good RP, and nice to see Frankie instead of Ty mentioned. Your idea for your RP would've worked really well with Ty, but it still works with Frankie now. Trev's got bills to pay and mouths to feed, you really make regular everyday things that most RP'ers don't worry with interesting. Stress issues are piling up and I can't wait to see if you explode because of it. Solid writing and good mix of description and dialogue. You were a little short with dialogue about your opponent, but it was effective none the less. Also like the continuation you did with our storyline, which I'll add to a bit in my RP. Good work.

William Teach
A hilarious and very enjoyable read. The proclaimers set the dorkiness level to a 7, and the pun at the large ref shirts and clothing attire was pure comedic gold. You and Stacey really interact well. the whistle was another good comical idea and you made the whole RP seem very silly, while at the same time doing a terrific job putting over your team and the two teams in your match. Well written and well paced. Gotta admit, there's not a lot wrong with this RP. One thing that does bother me is the colour changes. Maybe I'm just seeing things, but red seems to turn orange in one block and Stace's blue seems more lighter in another.

Kurtsey
Good little RP. I thought it might have been a tad long for just a refereeing piece, but you told a very good story with it. And if Kurtsey is a doctor then it doesn't seem really professional of him to be drinking in the job. (he seems to be drinking often, I wonder if your planning something with that, lol) Yours wasn't as funny ads your partners (obviously) but you did a good job highlighting your strengths, the fact your undefeated, it was smart to mention your underuse by the compnay (makes you seem better). I would've liked to see a bit more interest, concrn and discussion about your opponents, but with length some things need to be kept off to keep it short. You wrote a great RP that really did a good job pushing your character.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

Showtime:

I'm going to be brutally honest with you here, and don't take this the wrong way. It was good. Yeah I liked it a lot. They way you cut down Frankie Smith was particularly brutal, and I think you really set yourself up with the fact that he doesn't think he's the best, he knows it. great arrogance, and the draining of Damiens college fund was such a dickish move, it was great. Trust me, if I were in that position, I would have done the same.

Yeah so it was great. Even though something may have been lifted from a certain hitman "Best there is, was, ever will be etc" It was still pretty tops. One thing I thought was funny, for whatever reason, was that even when he's doing business or rebuilding his set, Cougar still carries his title with him. everywhere. Just so he's prepared for an opportunity to show off. Good little RP.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Thanks for the feedback, here is my half of the deal:


Lars Reidar: First off, its great to see some RP's from you as it is in your character to do so following a Buried Alive Match. And whats more, you wrote something so small for each that it just gives only the right amount of flavour for the entire locker room to watch out for. All I can comment negatively on, even though its not a negative comment or constructive criticism... is your choice for the mystery woman being Tarja.

As soon as I understood her manipulative character and found what the language was, I said it's gotta be Ms. Turunen (considering that she really is manipulative in real life). All in all, great work as usual. It wasn't the best you've done, but it meets expectations easily.


Chris Beckford: Ah... the press conference style RP. An oldie but a goodie and quite frankly, you used it good enough for it to keep its reputation. You did the standard, a couple of questions about you, the random question and the one regarding your match... with good responses.

Reading through the entire thing, it is a good RP and should allow you a fighting chance in getting the win against Karnage. But, the entire thing seems very cheesy... for a Two Pointer match, this really isn't the type of RP you should be using. It was good and all, but it isn't something you should be pulling out of your arse for the biggest of matches, but granted that your first two matches were bigger than this one.

As an RP, it was a good one with not much to comment overall. Against your opponents RP, I'd say you have a good chance of winning. Regarding the match importance, not enough to deliver an award-winning performance.


"Showtime" Cougar: Another vintage RP, the Showtime set... this is basically an Arrive. Raise Hell. Leave. RP and it did work well for you considering that it is on your show. You made your points about your EA title contenders succintly. You addressed the Trevor Steel situation nicely. You had a nice comedy bit at the end to add to your flair as a character. The Frankie Smith thing I find too long, but its done well considering that you had multiple issues to address, making your opponent the main spectacle.

This RP is going to be tough to beat. Unless Frankie Smith can make one of those "excellent, outstanding RP's," I am going to have a hard time accepting the fact that you are going to lose at MeltDown. Good RP man (this has nothing to do with our little bantering before, you really did a great job).

 

[Pimpin]

Here's some more feedback.

Showtime: Great RP. I thought you addressed the whole thing with Trevor Steele really well & it's helped you out as your character comes across more focused due to what Steele did to your set. You did great on addressing your EurAsian Title contenders & I liked how you addressed Frankie. I also liked the part about the draining of Damien's college fund.

I like the fact that you made your character come off as knowing that he's the best & that he doesn't give a shit what type of actions he does. Again great RP

Kurtesy: Good RP. I thought it was a little longer due to the assigned referee role that your in for the match, but the story that you told in the RP was good. You did very well in getting your character over. I would've liked to see you address the other two teams a bit more, but with you as the special guest referee, I can understand why you didn't do that. Again great job on pushing your character.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

James Baker - Off the bat, you've won the match at Ascension no doubt about it. You definitely have the skills to hold a title that requires you to defend everytime you are flying solo in a match. You have this special thing added to every RP that I cannot pick out properly that makes me love reading your RP's... I think its because you are your character all the time, even when ranting.

As for this RP, it was quite good. I didn't have anything to pick out that I could tell you to improve really. I'm stumped to say something other than good job, so... good job.

 

[Phoenix]

Right, some feedback to catchup on while eating pizza

Lars

Even with some time off, there's no stopping the intensity of Lars and these two parts really give another extra dimensional, especially with your new valet in tow. I think the only real shame about this had Vengeance still existed at this time, Lars' debut would have been perfect. But I loved how this shows that despite going through so much in WZCW, there's no stopping Lars. Look forward to your best of three series with Cougar coming up!

Showtime

This is the example of why you are one of my favourite RPers and where you said the shock was that it shorter than normal, you got the timing and flow perfect here. You had all the right elements to work here, the history of the Elite X belt, the events of the Lottery, Frankie's past and addressing the EurAsian Leaguers all in one and nothing felt dragged or stretched, even with the rebuilding of the set. Great RP and nice flow to it.

Frankie Smith

I liked this RP, you certainly can feel the championship effect, meaning you get a bit more confident/cockier the moment you win the belt, within this RP. You definitely took a new approach about the belt itself, I don't recall (in my time here) anyone using the Elite and X meaning, which was a nice touch there as well as a good response to Showtime's RP. That said, I'm not a fan of "Mr. Cool" Connor Hughes the segment with him, while there was light humour I just felt it dragged and was unnecessary to the RP. I think you could have used that to address the Elite X League as this is your "Wrestlemania" match opponent being decided here. Either way though, it's good but the end part just dragged it down a tad.

Bratchny

Anoter great RP to follow up the one from the Lottery, the momentum has been running with you for sure. Main criticism to get out of the way, Ty Burna, not Burma. Done. Otherwise the RP itself was great, the passion, the emotion, the intensity, everything was right and it didn't feel too long or short to me. I really loved it and I look forward to seeing how things develop for you, possible Ricky feud with the mention of his belt? Who knows! Like the mention too lol. Great stuff!

Scott Hammond

I don't tend to make a habit of giving feedback to my opponents, just a usual tradition because I don't want to seem biased in my response as I am your opponent. Setting wise, I liked it, I liked what you had to say about your Lottery Match and you came off about things nicely. I like how you go about analysing your opponents is your weakpoint, the first half of it was great. That being said, when you turned your attention to me, that's where I felt your RP went down, you no doubt read my RP, but did you read the RP?

The last paragraph did not work because my RP was not a promo, it was a private moment, how would you know what I said in my own house without any WZCW crew members around? Simple fact is you wouldn't. That's my main criticism because while you covered everything and your RPs have been doing great in WZCW, this is where sometimes responding to your opponent can backlash. Otherwise you did great with the RP and given you've been here for two months now, you're really starting to build up as a character and I look forward to seeing more from you week in and week out.

Matt Royale

I really liked this RP and your character is really gaining a build in momentum and you got your situation great, just off of the Lottery with your focus purely on getting into the KFAD match. You got a nice put down on Rush with his recent losses but also gave yourself a nice rub with Kingdom Come being a place that fits your gimmick, really looking forward to seeing where you go with this because I'm really getting a liking for Royale here.

More coming in a bit

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Matt Royale: Main criticisms over with... a couple of spelling mistakes and a little grammar issues, but only one of these can be partially noticeable when you read the RP so its not that big of a deal. Also, I found it weird you calling an online e-fed its name by saying WZCW was a fed. Maybe its me, but I have never heard any wrestler at all say "fed" to describe a company.

Apart from these minor points, it was a very good RP. You have really tapped into your character and showcased him how he should be. To comment on anything more, would be me re-iterating "very good" so I'll spare the ass-kissing. Again, well executed. I am also interested at whats in that glass box... I can speculate a good idea, but I think I'll just wait.


Phoenix: Firstly, I'm not sure why most of your character's dialogue is bold but at the end is unbolded. I couldn't fit it with the RP, so I am going to guess it's an error. Also, the second last line could have been shortened to "The last torch goes out" instead of describing the scene as being pitch black, as it did detract the last line from the RP a little.

Apart from those minor setbacks, you did as well as Royale to complete a great RP this week. As usual, you have the character set and understand what he is about. The use of flames to show your point was well down and fits your character, not just a random setting to force your point across. I liked the bit when you waved off the other two teams as nothing, showing that your focus is on winning this week and not worrying about your opponents next week as you will beat them.

A good, short RP.


Steamboat Ricky: Greatest. RP. Ever

 

[Phoenix]

More feedback

Steve Kurtesy

Firstly, it's Leon Kensworth not Kensworthy. But as I've been in the ref RP situation before, it's naturally hard to think of where to take the character but the purpose is regarding your potential opponents here, but onto the RP itself. I think you managed to cover alot of ground and make your presence in this match felt, you address where you are, the criticisms, the shirt, you really made a good response to the critics since Kurtesy replaced Falkon.

Main criticism is Sandy Deserts, I didn't like the "overtime" (see my feedback to Frankie) part after Leon left because it does make wonder why do I need to care about Sandy as much as you do (I know, the Vixen Division is a dying breed), while the bit early on was funny, I just feel that Sandy is a cheap version of getting around the flirting with Becky and Stacey and I do think she will be your weak part of your RPs pending how she plays out, but at the moment she doesn't really need a purpose as she just seems like a generic extra at this time.

Rush

I see you're starting to bring in some of the elements you thought about using, and it's a nice, subtle way to start it. Reason being is it does make you think about what is happening with Rush and where can he go from here. One thing I noticed which I liked was the stewardess saying you use to be her husband's favourite which is an interesting perspective to give a fan. The oldest wrestler on the roster could be an interesting factor, it's certainly warming me up to the idea for a first mention, it makes me want to know where you plan to take this. As for the letter, nice to see that return because that was one of my favourite RPs you did before, nice to see it return again because it was used effectively. Good RP!

Zander

Main pick up I wanted to say here (seem to be doing it a lot in the RPs this week) is the phrase is "a dark horse" not a black horse, they're usually the winners . But with the RP, what I really liked about this, the frustration Zander was showing and I think this where I can definitely see you evolving further, play time maybe starting to end for Zander? I think you managed to keep things well sorted, both sections worked, still a bit unsure on the James part but I'll keep waiting to see how it goes. But otherwise a really good RP to bounce back off of the loss, you're motivated, determined and you recognise that your fate is in your own hands as well as showing the respect to USA to give the match he deserves. Great stuff!

Blade

I'm in a mix, I don't know if I like it or feel there's something missing. But following out of the end of your feud with Karnage was good, but you still seemed focus on that rather what your new target it. Naturally this will change over the next few weeks as the league progresses, while it's unfortunate that we didn't see a response from Sanna, it was good for the emotion but it needs to focus where it's needed, Karnage is just a bitter place and a broken dream, just leave that all behind

Trevor Steel

This was a great RP, I liked the "rip" into Ty's ouija methods with the 8-Ball, but as a whole, the RP acts like how the Lottery/Leagues are, unpredictable and uncertain where to go. You got your frustration about not winning the Lottery out of hand and you're ready to now step up and go for the gold. I like the follow up to Showtime set demolition you did. Great RP where you got everything covered from events been, to events coming to the match, definitely a favourite RP for this week!

Garth Black

This was just epic. Original and actively getting everyone into the new mystery about Garth Black of late. A nice old school rip into Becky with a new french twist on top. Definitely loved this and I wish I could say more than this because it was that great.

Corey Payne

You have been coming along strong in your RPs and this was another great example, but what did I like more about this? You put yourself, your partner and your opponents over giving them the credit where it's due. Where we don't know much about Byakko, you gave him a history for us to follow to get him started. Seriously this is a great RP for a one-off alliance/potential tag team without using your partner within it.

Phoenix

Getting back to the dark days and this was another prime example here, you really gave a great heel RP with what you had to say about your opponents and the referee without showing worry or fear, but confidence and that is oozing through this RP. Great stuff, aside from the format error, all great here!

 

[NSL]

Big Dave - Another solid RP in your run of being a singles wrestler. You've really gotten into your character, and every week seems to be adding a small piece at a time. Looking forward to what's next.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Big Dave: Phone conversation huh? Well... I like the fact that we have to imagine the actual dialogue taking place outside Big Dave speaking and it gets rid of the predictable asking of the questions about your match by others, which can sound forced. I also like the little jabs at tension in the rWo as well, provides for some interesting points.

But, your little convo with Ace about the opponents was very, very weak. There was nothing other than general chatting about him being similar to you. Sure, it makes it that you would be able to know his moveset, but there was no meat in the attack and you even said he was going to be a tough challenge without addressing it in some form! I'm not sure what you were trying to do here, but I highly doubt you are going to get the win here unless the rWo interferes.

Good, but needed to have something to address Hammond more than "He has my finisher!"


Trevor Steel: Let's go point form here:

Good Points:

- Showtime's lawyer, just that little hint of something cultimating soon. Good small joke that ends the RP too.
- The opening 8-Ball use and shot at Ty Burna is a nice touch to start things off
- Formatting, colours, etc. is all in place
- The scene was well executed considering your characters gimmick, shows a serious side to Steel.

Now, although I like the addressing of your opponent being very sweet for something short... I almost feel as if it was too short for a match address. Sure, it ties in with the scene... but I expected a little more to address or at least making the paragraphs bigger. That's just me though, you did it well enough.

 

[NSL]

Excellency - It was short, and extremely basic, and for a match where your fed-career is on the line, it's really not great. But, I can see that you rushed to get it in before the deadline, and since your opponents don't seem to be showing up, it should be good enough to keep you here.

You have a very unique character...Show up regularly, and you should be fine going forward.