RP Feedback Thread

[Lee]

All or Nothing feedback; Batch one

Celeste v Rush

Rush

Considering this was as a result of no internet and I think you said you did it at work, darn good work man. I loved the first person present tense feel, pretty unique way of doing it. My only annoyance is the green text, but that's being picky.

Blade v Baller

Blade

Aside from not getting Celestes character right, something that happens a lot, it was pretty good. I'll be honest and say I've seen better but I loved it still. You had a nice length on it, I could imagine it in my head and you got Becky spot on. Great work man, keep it up

Baller

I was tempted to not give you feedback because you've been crying about feedback, but meh you need to get better somehow. At first I thought it was just because Blades RP was so good that I thought you were lacking, but then I re read it and was wondering what the hell was going on. First off it's a PPV, so that means it should be your best RP of the month, it wasn't. First off you have a psychopath being kidnapped by a former basketball player...WTF? Then you get into promo mode, whoop whoop, but it was repetitive, in the eight lines you have about it four are two lines repeated about you helping Blade to win. THEN you call Karnage your friend, you don't kidnap your friends and electrocute them. 100% unbelievable.

Karnage

No disrespect to Blade when I say this, but this was my fav RP of the match, the emotion was raw, you could feel what Karnage was going through and why he did what he did. Top notch RP man, I think I gave you some more via msn, if I didn't give me a shout and I'll offer more, but damn it's good. I look forward to you v Blade

 

[Lee]

Smith v Young

I'm going to do a joint feedback here, mainly because I am lazy. Now first off I'd like to point out that we voted this match 3-2 and it was so damn close, the closest match we've had for a while. This feud has been pretty damn impressive by both guys, it has really shot you guys up as RPers. Great stuff, both had great content, both had a good length, good formatting. For my personally it came down to me thinking this was one of Smiths better ones and me having seen better from Young. But that's not a bad thing Fratelli, it was still damn good. Great work by both of you guys

Six man tag

First off if I wanted to be a bitch, I could have just accepted Marquis' RP only as the other two were after the deadline by a few minutes I'm kind though, so I allowed it, aside from Chambers who gave himself an extension.

Rafael

I had doubts about this character when I read the application, but we decided to roll with it. Your RP was brilliant, I love the frustrations of Rafael mixed with the frustrations of Vance. Real emotion felt there, great work man, shame your team mates no showed

USA

First off, a much improved RP, you seem like a face again as opposed to a face coming off heelish I'm glad we've now established the relationship with the General making things much better. There's not much more I can say to be honest, just a case of keep RPing. I like how you covered all bases from the past to the future of what's been happening.

Though one major thing...is USA in TNA? Just because he wanted to go for the X-Division belt, something WZCW doesn't have, that would be the Elite X championship

Trevor Steel

I think I gave you MSN feedback, if not give me a shout. For the sake of others reading though, I loved the panicking that you had, and you felt it. When I'm nervous and panicking my mind goes off, like Trevors and the USA autograph. Unfortunately for you USA JUST managed to post his RP before you so that lost out

 

[Dave]

Some Feedback from one of your resident Creative members

William Teach (MRC) – This was a great piece of writing from start to finish. Honestly, one thing I always look for in an RP is humour and this one had it in hoards. I like your writing style, which is very good. I also like the dynamic you had with Stacey. I think that if you are going to do RP’s like this again, Stacey is definitely the person you want to use. You seem to have a good face vs. heel dynamic going on with her there and I think that you two work well together. Obviously I only think this because of your writing. You wrote her perfectly and used this to get some laughs out of me when I was reading it. The other thing was the limericks. Hilarious. I love the way you got what you wanted to say out but it was very light-hearted. That part of any faces RP can be very challenging because you don’t want to seem like you are using heel techniques to get your point over. You did a great job in doing it in a way that really suits your character. Very nice work and I am kind of hoping to draw you in the roulette because I want to see what your mettle is like…

Baller (Mr. Baller) – Here is your feedback. This RP was better, much better. In the last RP you were too focused on the rivalry and how you were certain you would win. In all you were too focused on Karnage and it came off poorly in your RP. It was good enough but you could have done so much more if you focused on yourself more often. With that being said, this one was better. You went back to your roots and got in the zone. Writing about yourself will always be infinitely easier that writing about someone else and I bet you it felt easier, did it not? The point is, this one was better. You had a degree of continuity in your RP and it came off well. The way I always do my RP’s and I think it works, is to focus on three things: The past, the present and the future. By examining what happened in the last match, it gives you material to write about. By examining what is going on now, you have more to write and detailing what will happen at your next match, you will have so much more to say. Read any of my RP’s and you will see the continuity of them. Yours was very similar. Keep in the same vein as this RP from now on and you will do fine.

Matt Royale (D&V) – This too, was very good. The part at the beginning was funny as Hell and added to both the character and the RP. Again, you seemed to have that continuity about your RP and I always enjoy reading that. Couple that with a good writing style and a great grasp of who your character is and you’ve got one mean RP. A very good effort from you. I usually want to write more about faults but, to my knowledge, there wasn’t a lot of faults with it. Good effort.

Karnage (Dave) – That’s right, I’m giving feedback to myself… What of it? The reason I am doing this is so that I can see what I am doing right and doing wrong in my last RP. I feel if I write it down, then I can see this more clearly and fix whatever may be the problem. Though, don’t copy me at bad bits because you’re not supposed to me knocking myself. Anyway, on with the show. This RP was always going to have to be something good to overcome the last one, which I thought was one of the best writings I have done. This one is another good piece of writing but doesn’t have the same emotion as the last. I feel that I did a good job with the writing and evaluating the criteria that I set out in the Baller feedback but I felt as though it was missing the same energy and emotion. I think that the feud with Blade is going to take off and I did a good job of knocking him. I also feel that the length was good and I never had a hard time reading it. A good RP but not better than the last.

EDIT: Upon re-reading mine, I think that I do have the same emotion and I only felt that way because much more was going on in the last one. Does anyone else agree?

More to follow. You know, when people post their RP’s.

 

[Lee]

Tag team titles

Ace

Bold font annoys me as a whole, but some people like it!
Why get new hoodies when you know you're turning heel?
Big up how good you guys are for being in a tag ladder match
You should always write two not 2.

I liked it, I've seen better by you, but it was a good team RP.

Phoenix has had feedback from me

Second Coming

Regarding Tastys RP, the only thing I could say is instead of doing a joint RP with Annabel you should have done it with your tag partner. Great RP though, not many problems with it.

Thriller, I love your character and the diary thing was awesome, the flow the emotion was brilliant. What's crazy was I loved the RP yet it was short...it's not the size it's what you can do with it ey?

Congrats on you guys finally winning the belts, fully deserved.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

Right - O, better get down to some feedback.

Mr. Baller

This was pretty good. I felt the inclusion of a coach character greatly benefits Baller, and gives him a sense of direction. He feels it as well I suppose. I think you conveyed the sort of effect he has on Baller, in terms of pumping him up, pretty well. I thought you could have focused more on the coming show and the random selection of opponents, as that last paragraph felt a bit rushed. However, it got the job done, and a pretty good RP all the way around.

Matt Royale

I liked this RP, quite a lot actually. You did all the things you should have, being, adressing your situation with Matt Fox and keeping the feud simmering nicely, as well as addressing what is to come next. You put over that you don't know whats to come or who you are going to face. I looked up your character page, and even though you are a heel, you managed to get your point across, even with some darker tones (I love that last line) without going the usual heel route of being cocky and arrogant. Good RP.

Karnage

Dave, dave, dave. You said you wanted to draw me to see what I'm made of? Well now I'm just worried. If I do, I'll pale in comparison. It seems recently you've been knocking it out of the park and this in particular is no exception. You have clearly delinated what your character feels, and what his mindset is concering all recent events. The tussle with Blade is reaching a tipping point, and you've really engineered Karnages actions quite well. I thought the Diary was a nice touch, showing a deeper side to Karnage, as well as showing that all his actions were pre-meditated. You're really building him up quite well, and as a character that is quite different from just being a raging bull that does what he wants.

Although I didn't feel as if he was angry towards the end, I did feel he was resolute with what was going to happen, no matter the outcome. you adressed Meltdown Madness and Ascension Anarchy quite well, and summed it up in a nice conclusive manner. although I'm not one for red text, a very good RP.

 

[Baller]

Thanks to all who offered me feedback, just to start off by saying all the RPs so far have been very good.

William Teach: This RP was very good and I am very intrigued by your character. I loved the limerick parts and just overall a good piece of writing.

Royale: Also a good piece of writing and I feel you got it all covered without rushing anything. I liked the inclusion of Adam in the beginning, and the way you talked about Fox was also very well done. Overall another good piece and you are improving week in and week out.

Karnage: Wow. This was just awesome. I really dont have much to say other then that as I loved this RP, I think you character is ridiculously awesome as a heel.

 

[NSL]

William Teach - Not a bad RP. I like how you addressed the randomness of the matches, and it flowed well. It was a solid heel RP, and explained the gimmick really well. I also like how you called out a big name like Everest, and a rising rookie in Blade. I feel a little left out though

Mr. Baller - It was a nice RP, but seemed like a typical heel RP. "I'm better than you, and I'll kick your ass" only works for so long. Like Teach, I like how you talked about the possibilities. Also, (I'm not on creative, so I don't know) but I'd guess the feud with Blade is over. He pinned you clean on a pay-per-view.

Matt Royale - The RP certainly isn't bad, but it does sound a bit generic. Like I told Baller, that shtick can only go so far. I notice you mentioned the losing streak, but instead of dwelling on that point, and being angry, you continue to go on about how you'll win. How can we expect you to win, when you haven't done anything yet? Also, a heel would never say his opponent doesn't have a weakness.

Criminal Karnage - I like the RP...It's certainly not bad, but seems kind of odd that Karnage is talking out loud to himself in an empty arena. It works with the "new" character for him, so there's nothing I can really take away from it.

Scott Hammond - This is the first RP I read from you, and it explained a lot about your character. The only thing I see "wrong", is that you have a chance to face anyone on the roster, and you called out two guys that are also in their first matches. For a face, I would understand trying to be humble. As a heel with the name "The English Enigma", you should be thinking about frying bigger fish.

 

[Baller]

Trevor Steel: It was not one of my favorite rps from you. Don't get me wrong, it was a good RP, it wasnt your best. I dont understand why you and Leon went to a concert together and why would Leon go in the car if he didnt know where he was going, IMO it doesnt seem like something Leon would do. I did like the fact that you went over all the possibilities of matches you could be in.

 

[Lee]

Well I think NSL got Leons character spot on, it's the sort of thing Leon would do, he's a lonely man so an invite from a guy at work to go hang out, there's no way he would say no.

Great RP I thought, I loved how you covered all bases and remained your nice guy face character. Keeping in character is important.

 

[Dave]

Trevor Steel (NSL) – Another good RP from yourself that impresses me. Although I do agree with both Baller and Lee. I agree with Baller and this was not your best RP. That being said, that doesn’t mean much because over the last few weeks you have been absolutely solid when it comes to RP’s. This probably isn’t your best one but was a great read from the beginning to the end. It was really funny and made sense. I agree with Lee that this is something that Leon definitely would do and I think that you two balanced each other out fantastically well. You had some good writing regarding Leon and regarding yourself. You captured Leon well and you covered all the bases for the match. Another good RP.

Although, if anyone wants to beat you at Meltdown or Ascension all they will have to do is slap you on that freshly painted tattoo of yours.



Seriously though, good RP.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

LEE/TITUS (Your PPV RP, a bit late)

What can I say? I liked it. I think you addressed the important issues concerning your character. It helped clarify what was going on, whether he was heel or face, or just what his mindset was. I thought that came out well, as well as bringing a different side to him, and the little bit you had with putting a microphone in Leons hand was genuinely funny. I thought you used this well in order to then put across what you were set out to do that night, and what you felt about the mystery opponent etc. I feel a lot of characters, face or heel, drag this on too much without adding spark and it becomes a bit generic. Just watch out on that front, but I was fairly entertained reading it. A good RP

 

[TheDandTheV]

Trevor Steel – I, like the others, thought this was very good. Not you’re best, but good. The only thing that bothered me in your RP, and this is minor, was that you were up at 1:20 in the morning and part of your gimmick is being a good dad. I just thought it was weird that you would be at a concert instead of at home. It’s not a big deal. It didn’t take anything away from the RP, but I thought of it after I read it and decided to share. If I’m wrong or I read the RP wrong please tell me.

Mr. Baller – I really like the idea of the coach character. It gives your character more depth and goes well with your gimmick. All in all the RP was good.

Karnage – There’s not much to say about the RP that hasn’t been said. I enjoyed it like your other RPs I’ve read. I’m looking forward to your feud with Blade. I think it’s going to be downright awesome.

William Teach – Man, do I enjoy your RPs. I really think your character is better suited for a face and you showed me that in this RP. It was funny (like all your RPs) and you got your point across. I can’t find anything wrong with it. Nice job.

*I'll get Zandar Young and Big Dave feedback when I got some more time.

 

[NSL]

Big Dave - While I might not approve of the actions of the Daves, it was a really good RP. It gave the necessary insight to everything that has been happening, and proved that you can RP on your own. I only say that because I've only seen you guys as a team, so I was wondering how it would work out RPing separately.

Zander - I liked the RP. You addressed the defeat well, and I like how you showed Zander dealing with the physical and mental pain of the loss. It tailed off a little towards the end, but it didn't lose any of it's overall quality.

 

[Dave]

Scott Hammond (Low_Ki) - First of all, Sorry I missed you out on my last round of feedback, I just missed you for some reason or another. Anyway, I’ve gotten to it now and that’s all that matters. As for the RP, I thought it was pretty good. For a developmental RP, it was pretty good. I know that you don’t have a lot of material to work with yet because you haven’t had any matches so far and you are not in any rivalries yet. The content of the RP was good and was pretty interesting. I think you are the only person so far who has included something like a casino and take the luck aspect that far. That was good. All in all it was a pretty good effort.

Big Dave (Phoenix) – I gave some feedback over MSN for this RP but I think that everyone should see what I have said. This RP was exceptional, a really great effort. I love how the RP is formatted and I also think that you have written it fantastically well. I like how the continuity of the RP sticks with all of the things that have happened so far in this angle. There is just something more about this RP and shows us that your recent RP’s have been special. Another great effort, Dave.

Zander Young (Fratelli) – I liked this RP for multiple reasons. Firstly, I liked how you referenced the glass idea and I also liked how you told us about the pain you went through and the pain you are going through now. I also liked how humorous it was and how you referenced the Briefcase Wanker joke. I personally found that pretty funny. However, remember that not everyone will get that reference and that people in the US are probably not going to get the same effect as people from over here. I also think that the last part with Leon was pretty un-needed because you already had a pretty good RP before any of that happened. Nevertheless, it was a good RP and you have written it well.

More to follow. I’m just very bored right now.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Alright, feedback for everyone bar myself... thus far:

William Teach (MRC) - This was a great comedic piece that really compliments you're turn as the new face on the roster. I did in fact laugh at times at what you did & the whole RP was relevant to having a random draw. I like the use of Stacey Madison as this is how she is supposed to be used, unlike some others who deface the characters (aka me). You tried to address as many people as you possibly can, but I felt that it was a little overloaded with wrestler names. Don't get me wrong, the way you presented it was well done, but naming half the roster in the RP seems a little forced. Otherwise, great RP.

Mr. Baller - Solid RP for your current situation of trying to find a way out of your losing streak. I like the use of the Coach & what he brings to the RP as without him, this would not have worked unless you became a dark individual. I like the atmosphere of a real-life sports team you created that then transitioned into a speech to the camera whilst passing off Madison to show your seriousness. However, the transition was sudden that went from one situation to another. It was not smooth, but it did the job once you reached the end of the RP. Also, reiterating what the RP thread was all about in your RP detracted from it as it seemed like you were lost on how to get the RP flowing.

Matt Royale (TheDandTheV) - Ah, the good ol' "phone conversation into interview" trick. I must say it was done quite nicely at the start referring to the past & your emphasis on the feud with Matt Fox. How you addressed your losing streak & acting as royalty was very much heelish. The discussion about Fox throughout impressed me leaving me wanting more of Royale & what he is going to do next with the open option. Great solid RP, I did not find anything to detract from the RP.

Karnage (Dave) - Awesome monster heel RP. I was taken into the RP & all my imagination was dictated by the descriptions where I did not have to figure out what was happening at anytime. I was drawn in as you being very very sadistic. The monologue of you in the ring showed your dark side perfectly showing how dominate you can really be. There is one thing I found that could be editted. The journal entry would have made the RP look a bit more tidy & easier to understand if it was quoted.

Scott Hammond (Low-Ki) - I am impressed by this introduction RP into the WZCW mainstream & I liked the style of the promo taking place in a casino grasping the concept of random outcomes. The whole scene was done well & found nothing wrong with the situation. It was a nice touch to talk about possible opponents, but you have gone back to your developmental match again. That house show was only to test your skills & get you started. Move on from your opponents there & focus on others, which you did with Teach & Baller... so well done.

Trevor Steel (NSL) - A metal concert with Leon Kensworthy? You can almost smell something is going to happen. It was a good RP that really portrayed your character well & developed a new side to Steel, despite this all happening at a metal concert. Leon was used perfectly throughout & did not outshadow the limelight being on Trevor. The jokes were timed correctly & did not clutter the RP. I enjoyed it & honestly look forward to reading more Steel RP's with the creativity.

Big Dave (Phoenix) - A flashback RP explaining everything that happened between FHD & Steamboat Ricky that ended up being known as the Ricky World Order. As a normal RP, it confused me & had to realise what you were talking about. However, since this had a purpose other than making an RP addressing the roulette... it was a fantastic read. I am definitely wanting more of this rWo storyline.

Zander (Fratelli) - This is the usual Zander RP that many have grown to love, including myself. It had Zander-style comedy with the others involved in the RP being used to revolve everything around you. Solid RP from the start until the end that got a little hazy, but it still did the trick. One major flaw that I must point out is that Royale & Fox are in the same room together yet there is no tension? They are embroiled in a feud... having them involved detracts from their possible RP's taking shots at each other. Maybe using one of them like Royale & someone else might have been better. Otherwise, good job.

Blade - This is the textbook definition of an RP of WZCW in my opinion. There was comedy complimenting your character & the current situation, you made reference to the special stipulations, you added fuel to the fire concerning Baller/Karnage that could possibly go either way & used the interviewer well. Nothing could be done to change this RP, good work man.

Carmen (Bozzaholic) - I have always found your RP's to be very unorthodox but very effective in how you deliver them. This format is your style & brings something a little more to every RP, so please... don't change your personal formatting. To the actual RP, I like the touch of adding reporters with names similar/exactly like the real pro-wrestling world & the press conference was nicely down. Karen really brings your RP's to the next level. It was a good solid RP. I thought, however, the challenge towards Everest for the world title seems a little forced. It does compliment your new character focus, but I felt it was cliched in delivery.

Corey Payne (Prototype) - Short & sweet is the only words to describe this. You started the scene, you had the conversation/interview, you ended the scene... not knocking it as I thought it was great. You did something logical yet unimaginable to address the issue of the complete randomness of MD/AS by sparring against opponents with similar styles. The use of Stacey Madison was good & didnt do anything in bad interest of her. The ending is a good build towards this mystery you have built. Good RP man.


I will give my second dose of feedback when everyone else posts their RP's here.

 

[Dave]

Ashleigh FalKon (JicKie Mames) – Right-o, back to the feedback. Wow! I don’t really know what to say, man. This was a great RP. I liked it a lot. It was eloquent, well written, descriptive and more importantly, interesting. I liked the idea for the RP and you have really lucked upon the firing of Joshua The Baptist because it gave you a great idea for the RP that you produced. Nevertheless, it was great RP and I hope the person you are facing is in the right state of mind for their match against you because this is a great effort.

Blade (Blade) – My character is bald… No haircut required.

Apart from that, another great RP from yourself. I think that you have a really great grasp of your character and it must make writing an RP pretty simple. In my case, I always feel that I understand Karnage well and what he would be going through, I can write more and more description about it in my RP. With Blade, I feel that you must have a similar grasp because in every one, you have really impressed me. Your humour is fantastic and I loved it again with this RP. The tarot cards and the crystal ball skits were amazing and I think you got the point across well. Nice job, man.

Carmen Bratchny (Bozzaholic) – Wow, a great RP from start to finish, I really enjoyed it. There is nothing I can really say about this RP other than how good I thought it was. I liked the beginning when Carmen was talking about how nervous he was about the press conference and I also liked his dynamic with Karen. I liked how you set up the press conference and I also liked how it was constructed. It was professional from the start to the finish and I really enjoyed it. I think you have addressed everything that needed to be addressed and I think that it came off brilliantly well. Well done, man. Great work.

Corey Payne (The Prototype) - As you said, this was a little short but the content of the RP made up for it extremely well. You didn’t have a lot to work off of but I think that you did a good job of ruling out the possibilities and I think it matched your character well that you decided to spar against people that have the same style as the people you could face. I think your RP made sense and what’s more, was believeable. A good RP.

 

[NSL]

Ashleigh Falkon - Um, it was good, but seemed a little odd. I've only skimmed your others, so I'm guessing the church thing is all part of the gimmick, but I don't remember reading that in the app/profile. I'll give it a 2nd look. Also, dead bodies don't squirt blood. I'm pretty sure it's pool in the part of the body that's on the bottom, and just sit there. It might drip out the bottom, but certainly not spurt out of the top.

Blade - Like everyone has told me for 2 weeks, this certainly isn't your best. I thought Blade was a face, and this comes across a little comedy-heelish to me. You used the tarot cards and such rather well, even acknowledging you don't quite know what you're doing. I like the attention paid to the feud involving Karnage and Baller as well. Again, not bad, but not your best.

Carmen Bratchny - Aside from some editing mistakes, it's not a pretty good RP. It goes along nicely with the face turn and losing streak, and covers all the bases that need to be covered for the upcoming shows.

Corey Payne - I like the RP, but there is one glaring hole in it. You say flat out that you sometimes lose to sparring partners. That should be a big no-no. It's honest, but you really don't want anyone to think that you can't beat someone paid to lose to you.

Titus - Another solid RP. I like how it covered everything that needed to be covered. It didn't do too much, and the simplicity was nice to see.

EDIT: I'm adding Garth Black here, so I don't spam it up...

Garth Black - I like the RP as a whole, but have a little problem with the set-up of it. I was able to tell who was speaking when, but it would have been nice to have it noted along the way. Just a minor thing, but I really think it was a good RP.

 

[NSL]

Since no one else has RP'd, I'll just make a new post, and add to it later.

Everest - Great RP. Not a whole lot I can really say about it. you covered all the necessary bases, and gave a little insight into the character. As champion, you've set the bar.

Morales - I hate to be mean, but this is quite the opposite of Everest's. I didn't know who you were until halfway through, and the RP told no story regarding WZCW. Also, as we learned with Falkon, killing and dead guys are bad, mmkay? I also had no idea if you're heel or face, and tossing in random Spanish doesn't serve a purpose, because I don't know who here actually knows what you're saying. On a lighter note, there's nowhere to go but up.

Frankie Smith - I don't think it's a bad RP, but I think the 2nd half of it fell off from the start you had. Having Becky leave, but letting the camera stay, confused me. Why did she have to leave if it wasn't supposed to be confidential? I like the beginning and end, but the middle failed to bridge the gap.

Titus - Another great RP. It's not hard to read one your RPs and see why you're a champion. You covered a ton of information, but didn't make it boring or drawn out.

 

[Dave]

OK, I’m back for yet more feedback. I have been quite good this round for feedback and it is my hope that I have given everyone who did and RP this week, some sort of feedback. With the deadline fast approaching, this may be the beginning of the end of the feedback for me but nonetheless, on we go.

Titus (Lee) – I gave you some feedback over MSN, of course but I see no harm of posting some here too. As far as your RP’s go, this is another great one. I just love how well structured and well written your RP’s are. You make things very easy to follow and by quoting some of the things that happened at All or Nothing, you really made the RP a good read and I was not struggling to remember anything. It made sense and the content was excellent. I think you are writing your RP’s exceptionally wel, considering what happened at AON. I think you have really nailed Titus there and the feeling that are evident from Titus are exactly what I would expect from him.

Fantastic job, mate.

Garth Black (Tasty) – Great stuff. I really enjoyed reading this RP more than a lot of the others. I like when people are creative with their content and this was amazing. You went through all of the people that had RP’ed so far and it was enthralling to see what you would be saying about them in brilliantly creative ways. I also liked the dynamic you had going with Leon, it was funny and more importantly believable. A great job, worthy of a tag champion…

Everest (Michigan) – Great job, Champ. After AON, you really had to pull out some quality stuff because you had no idea who you were facing and didn’t know if your title would be up for grabs or not. This means that you had to give it everything to make sure that you weren’t outdone by someone and lost the title in a singles match after that great match at the PPV. I think you did that. Your RP was great, really descriptive and believable. I, again, liked the dynamic with Leon that was utilized and I think that you really wrote Everest and Leon well. You have covered all of the bases for the match ahead and I think you will do well. Another good RP.

David Morales (Obiwansidisi) – I honestly hate being the bad guy when I give out feedback but this was a poor effort from you and you could have done so much more and to a better standard than what is on the page right now. I know that Is blunt but I could not agree more with NSL, there was no substance to your RP. You are talking about having dead bodies in your garden for God’s sake and talking about Cream Soda… I may just be me but I never saw anything in this RP that would make me think that you would win against any of the more experienced guys in the fed. I mean, this RP would be fine if you were going up against people who joined at the same time as you because they are at the same standard as you. However, the whole point of the roulette was to let people decide their own fate. You could be drawn against the World Champion and we were expecting people to use that to motivate themselves. Let me ask you a question. If you were in our shoes and you were put in a match against Everest for the title, would you vote for yourself? I don’t know man, your RP description was good and it was well written but it really did lack substance and any real meaning behind it.

I have given you the biggest feedback of anyone and it’s because you show potential but this RP is a bad example of that. If it were me writing it, I would have wrote more about the possibilities of who you could be facing and less about your back story. Histories and personal crap can be let in out in little doses and over a long time, where as you opponents are only such for this week. I always try to concentrate more on the person I am facing because I know they will be doing the same. The point is, you need to reference the possible matches more and leave some of the chit-chat out.

Sorry to be a dick but that is just how I see it, my friend.

 

[Dave]

Elite X Championship match feedback:

Frankie Smith (Hiphop- Apollo) - Well, this is it! Your chance and I think you have taken advantage of it. This is a good RP. It really started quite strongly and was a good effort on your part. It was a little bit strange though, to have your character be knocked out by someone in your own RP. Your RP’s are meant to make you look strong and this was a bit weird to be honest. It would have worked better if you had been the one who was knocking people out and then finishing off your RP yourself. Apart from that, it was a decent RP. It was comedic at some points and serious at others and is typically well written and well structured. Nice job and good luck!

Titus (Lee) – I know how difficult it can be to RP twice in the same week. I remember doing it in the very first week I came to WZCW and it nearly killed me. Mainly because I had no grasp of my character and back then, every one was a struggle. The same problem is not evident for you though. With every RP I read of yours, I always get the feeling that you have an amazing grasp of Titus and that you can relay what is going through his head, onto the page with relative ease. This is another good effort. It was a good length and well structured and thought out. As per usual, your content is great and you managed to get your points across well. Then again, structure and formatting has never been a problem for you. All I can say is good job and good luck.

I am looking forward to this match and I think that you both have done a good job of setting up this match.

 

[NSL]

Lars Reidar - Loved this RP. I'd rank it among the best that we've seen so far, and it was a fun read. Beginning to end, it told a good story about Lars and his history, and put everyone on notice about Lars' future.

Rush - I liked this. It was unique in that it didn't require anything to be said, but showed the emotions Rush was feeling following the match. I like how you used the last match in progress to open also.

Kyle Christansen - To be honest, I had no clue who you were by just looking at the user name. After reading this RP, I implore you to eep RPing. This was very good. Short, sweet, to the point, and addressed everything you needed to. Would have been nice to see am mention of your recent title shot, but it was still good without it.

 

[Lee]

I want to just throw one out for Kyle here, others I may or may not do depending on how lazy I'm feeling, but I must say I was impressed. Whilst short it's the first we saw in a long time of your character, which I think in an efed is pretty important. You followed the basic formula, something I think has been lacking for some people. Just keep it up man.

 

[NSL]

Harthan - I liked this...EXCEPT FOR THE EDITING. The substance of the RP was very good. It was funny, it covered all the bases, and showed Drake in his natural habitat...Drunk and blissful. But the editing killed it. Next time, add in some color, maybe some italics

Showtime - I see you took my advice I liked the RP. Like Harthan's, it covered all the bases, and left nothing out. There was just enough interaction with Becky to get you from Point A to Point B, and you didn't overdo anything.

Phoenix - Not a bad RP. I honestly haven't read many from you, and this one seemed to cover the character pretty well. The only downside I see, which really isn't a problem considering the lottery, is that there was almost nothing about the tag belts, except for saying that you had the belt.

Rafael De La Nacho - Aside from the colors blending a bit, it was a good RP in my eyes. You stayed with your characer, complaining about the lack of a true partner, and getting matches you generally don't like. You also did a good job of hoping for the elite of the company, and making Steel an afterthought in the same sentence. It shows you want the match, but not because you think highly of him.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Alright, here is the second half of my feedback. This covers the championship match, the random RP thread & Bozzaholic's seperate RP on the main page. Concerning the random RP thread, I am starting from Titus. If I missed you, check my first batch of feedback:

Meltdown 29/Ascension 4

Titus (Mr L) - I saw this promo as something to add fuel to the fire of the storyline being developed and nothing else apart from the random references to your match tonight. In this regard, it was solid & gave me some interest into the developments. Other than this, I can't say anything because your a moderator.

Scott Hammond (Low-Ki) - The second RP was better than your first one & was done beautifully. The only problem with it was that it was the second RP in a thread where only one RP was allowed. Good formatting, good dialogue & good use of challenging other members on the roster. Although you used the interviewer to make your character look tough & intimidating, it would have been if it were Becky than Madison as it doesn't particularly suit her style. However, good job.

Garth Black (Tastycles) - An RP that fits the description of your username, simply epic. I like the use of quoting yourself & your own book to make your point clear. Once through the use of a great masterpiece of a poem that would be considered in one's book, & another attacking basically the whole roster in one short... for the lack of a better word, poem. Leon's use was perfect & I was an all-round great RP. However, the poem where you attack everyone on the roster yet don't waste time by not acknowledging most for anything above one line, the Celeste shot was very very weak.

Everest (michigan) - Great heel RP that exemplified everything your character should. Leon was Leon, you showed your dominance & not even acknowledging anyone below you. Even with the insult on William Teach. Excellent stuff.

Obsidius (obiwansidsi) - I like this angle you have of a failed wresting identity that you have seemingly failed everywhere you go & WZCW is the only place left. I can feel your character coming through & improving every week. I am glad to hear that this promo has not got reference to facing Everest for the championship, but there isn't anything to address something about MD/AS for this week. That was the only problem.

Lars Reidar (IE24) - Oooo... spooky promo.... oooo. I love it. Man, everyone is basically going all out in this RP area... but Polley, that was something special. I must say, there is nothing that I can say to you for feedback as you obviously got this down pact. Excellent job man. I must add that this RP was made a little better with the Family Guy avatar, considering its Stewie.

Rush (4th Face of Foley) - Good self promo that takes place inside the head of Rush during the match & the aftermath of what happened, coming to the realisation that you are have started climbing the ladder. I saw what you wanted to deliver. Although this acts as a warning for anyone you face that you are ready to take down anyone, there was little to address about the upcoming MD/AS. However, good RP that I enjoyed.

Kyle Christiansen (oneandonly) - Nothing specatular here, simply textbook RP that delivered what it was addressing. You answered the RP about having a random match, you showcased yourself, you made reference to possible opponents & you made Leon Leon. Short & sweet, good RP.

Drake Callahan (Harthan) - Solid promo that got your character over, with some comedic relief to boot. Nothing I can say was wrong except for the colour coding to determine which was dialogue & which was scene description.

Showtime - Another good RP that I have nothing to give you criticism about. Literally, I am speechless here. After reading through so many I dont have anything to say that I cant repeat.

Phoenix (Thriller H) - Good short RP that addressed the past & what is about to happen. The only thing I found a little odd was the scene description using informal language that would most likely be said or thought, not described, for example "hanging for the hell of it." Un-neccessary to add for something to describe a scene. Other than that, good job.

Rafael (Marquis) - Good RP that did its job. However, I thought the use of Leon was a little obscure with the end bit where your character didnt stare him down or anything that let Leon slip out of the room. Other than that, keep it up Marquis.

Ty Burna - Let me first apoligise that my character seems to be somewhat similar to your's Ty from what I just read, which was a masterpiece by the way. Your character really erupted from this promo & the Mayham championship seems to compliment you. Cheers to a reign of terro then?

USA (FTS) - Formatting was a big issue here. It confused me to when someone was speaking & when the scene description was. Might want to fix this up next time. Also, the RP was okay, but it seemed a little rushed to get into the mix although it did its job by making you that awesome army dude from America & addressing the AS/MD. At least you got an RP on time.


Elite X Championship Match

Frankie (Hip-Hop) - Slow steady dramatic build into something hostile that showed your anger & rage as a competitor. I have to say, it was well done & I was easily sucked into the moment. Great RP.

Titus (Mr L) - Another good solid RP that helps keep the storyline rolling between everything that is about to happen. You address the championship match, you address the feud & you address the possibility of the roulette. Again, good RP.


New Dawn - Carmen RP

After reading this, I know the purpose of your RP in the MD/AS thread and I have to say, I am impressed with what you are bringing to the table. You can write some of the best RP's that I have ever seen on here & you perfectly show this in the New Dawn RP. You are one to definitely watch out for, congradulations.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

This is for the extensions:

Steamboat Ricky - What can I say? That was a good RP to promote the rWo, show your character & make the faction known. The only problem I have is that it wasn't heelish enough for the start of the storyline, but I guess this was just a random scene instead of an interview so it makes sense. A good read.