RP Feedback Thread

[Thriller Ant]

It is time for Thriller's glorious return to feedbacking (Is that a word?)!

William Teach: I liked it. It was funny, and you used Stacy well while also using the random nature of the show. The only thing was that your guy had moments of cockiness, which contradicted the face feel I got from the RP as a whole. I really think that is an easy fix though. Good job.

Mr. Baller: I didn't like the start. I can't put my finger on why, and I'm sorry for that, but the part where you recap All or Nothing just didn't feel right to me. The other problem is that you pushed Stacy. If you had permission, then ignore this, but I think that it is against the rules to attack an interviewer, so just be aware of this.

Matt Royale: I really liked it. The fact that you showed that you are just having back luck in general was a nice accent to the fact that you are still winless. You have come to accept that you can't beat Fox cleanly, and now you are ready to do whatever. If I was to offer any critiques, it would be a reminder to keep an eye on your grammar and commas, but I'm a journalism major so that stuff jumps out to me. Keep going like this and you won't be winless for much longer.

Karnage: I loved it. To be totally honest, I knew little to nothing about your character, but I feel like any questions I could have were answered. Excellent job.

Scott Hammond: It was pretty good. It was solid for a first "official" RP. My only complaints are, first, as a newcomer, I would want to hear a little about your background. How did you get here? Why should we care about you? The other is, once again as a newcomer, why would you call out other new guys? Why not call out Everest or Ricky or someone like that?

Trevor Steel: Good RP. The exchanges with Leon were funny, but at the same time you were about to use the location to get your point across. In addition, you did a good job covering your bases with the lottery, too.

Big Dave: This was excellent. The explanation was both needed and very well done. The flashbacks were believable and brought me up to speed. I feel like, even though we've been feuding, that this is the first solo RP you've done in awhile, and I really like the Big Dave character. There is a lot of development here, and it was superb.

Zander Young: I didn't have any problem with the content here, but the formatting lost me. The color was good, as were the italics for the stage directions or whatever you want to call them, but the change of days caused me to get lost. Maybe do that in bold or all caps next time? The content was good, however. Good RP

Ashleigh Falkon: I really didn't like it. It was really well written and interesting, but I just feel like it didn't do anything for me or the character. Maybe it's just me, but I just didn't like it.

That's it for now, I might come back and do more later.

 

[NSL]

Ty Burna - I really like this RP. I'm a big fan of the character, and you covered a lot here. Reacting to everything surrounding you at the PPV, as well as everything that could happen on Meltdown or Ascension, was a strong point here. There's really no negative to any of it.

USA - I don't know if it's just me, but the General just isn't clicking. Sometimes she works in the RPs, other times she just "there". I like USA's character though, and like his attitude. The substance of the RP is good, but overall it's average.

Ricky - Another solid RP. Nice job of pointing out how you never got pinned, as well as moving the rWo angle further along. As a follow-up to the pre-PPV RP, this works really well. The angle and story give you a lot to work with, and it comes out pretty good.

 

[Muffin Top Merkley]

William Teach: Good balance beween William/Stacey & William/live crowd. Its a very good technique to do when you're not comfortable with big monolog style RPs or inner-thoughts/emotions etc. To me, with a last name Teach, you should be displaying a slighter intelligance, you did this with the Bayes' Theorem and I would like to see this in all future RPs if you are looking to add something to your character.

Mr. Baller: When you first came to WCZW, I was not impressed with your RPs at all. You are def. growing and becoming a better writer. Adding a manager like the coach fits Baller really well and I think it will allow you to made better RPs and it gives you someone to help push the character.

Matt Royale: Sometimes when people lose matches, they forget about it. You are taking a losing streak, and running with it, making something out of nothing. To me its a reverse Goldberg and I really like that your making a mini story for yourself with it. Your RP stood out to me because alot of people talked about good luck, while your focused on all of your bad luck. It was a good contrast that made it unique.

Karnage: You are a much better writer as a heel when compared to a face. When Karnage was a face, to me it felt like you had to continuously stop while writting your face RP and think what would the good guy do. As a heel, it feels like you never stop writing once because you know exactly what Karnage's innerself would really do. It feels more natural. Good read.

Scott Hammond: Good Intro RP. The beginning had a vignette feel to it which I liked. I think I understand what you are trying to do with Byakko and trying to make a storyline out of it, but since it was only a development match it doesn't really work in my oppinion. Jamie Noble doesn't appear on Smackdown and talk about last weeks dark match victory. If he did, only the people who attended the last weeks show would understand.

Trevor Steele: Karma. To me that was fresh look at the randomness of this weeks matches. People mentioned dices, roulette games, magic 8 balls etc. But Karma was a new way of looking at not only the match, but the big picture of events leading to the match, and post-match. I think the way you think.

Big Dave: Your RP answered all questions about the formation of the alliance between the FHD and Ricky. Its not just a random pairing, its a detailed reasoning of everything. I like it for that reason. As for the possible match this week, you really didn't talk about. But neither did I in my RP (Great minds). Besides its quality over quanity so I think you have a winner.

Zander Young: The think I like the most about your RP is that it provided the reader with Zander's reaction the moment he found out about how the matches would be chosen. It was something that stood out because no other RP took place during this time, it was almost always after the discovery and how the wrestler is preparing/thoughts about the idea.

AshLeigh FalKon: I didn't get it. I mean, I got when you were trying to do....But I thought AshLeigh was....you know.....buying drapes.... Did I miss a character change?

Blade: Witty. You were able to write about your upcomming mystery match, and that was the main focus on your RP, but you also were able to further the Blade/Karnage story that is currently being told.


More to come.

 

[Showtime]

William Teach
Good RP. You didn't ever explain what your dice rolling had to do with Bayes’ Theorem. Anyway, fun little RP. I like your character's amusement with people and himself. The limerick was a very creative idea and did and good job opening you up to potential feuds. Decent character build, some good jokes. and good job continuing with the catchphrase.

Mr. Baller
Decent RP. While I said before your last RP resembled nothing with how your character description said this one had the cocky attitudes and anger we see in many b-ball players. Coach tries to draw out a game plan and b-ball player goes 'screw that, I'm just gunna do my thang'. I smirked when you said 'Coach has taught me well enough to never let my guard down and just go in there and take care of business.', since considering the obvious fact your winless, always let your guard down, don't take care of business, and this appears to be shortly after AON so doubtful Coach has taught you anything new aside from saying you suck and trying to plan something out. If you put that in for comical character purposes than it was smart, however if it was unpurposeful contradiction than maybe you should try more for that. The important thing is to build a voice and I'm seeing that. Don't always fall back on the easy revenge mood. Pull out the thesaurus and try different feelings and emotions. Angry generic cockiness will only go so far. There was to be a person behind the persona. Continue building and you will keep improving. Aside from that grammar needs a little improving, try fewer commas and more short sentences.

Matt Royale
I originally thought you were wrestling royalty. I quick check to your bio showed you only believed yourself to be. This leads to a generic cocky description. Fortunately you've wisely gone into the comedic relief aspect. With too many cocky heels who all say there the best and bring destruction, you aren't afraid to make a little fun of yourself, sometimes too much fun though. While you found your niche, you don't want to put yourself too far down and make a joke out of you. This style won't win you too many matches but it will give you a chance to build more on your character and add confidence and layers. Right now though, the humor is good, but your putting yourself too far down, and really pushing your opponent, even saying he has no weaknesses. That doesn't paint a good picture for you. The chair is just a weapon and you should really start pushing yourself over it is my only suggestion to you. Writings good and character has humor. Now make him royalty damn it. Play it up. Let's see a crown come it at some point, be a joke, but a confident believable one.

Criminal Karnage
One of things I've always been impressed by in your RP's is your character description, it's incredibly well detailed and it's good that we're seeing more and more of it. It works so well when accompanied by 2 or 3 long sections of talking. You make your character chilling before he even talks. As always with your RP's, I see you still can't get over me (loses suck don't they) and use me to explain your hatred for Blade and other superstars like him, your character's motivation, liars and frauds. A good heel has to believe that he is right no matter how ridiculous the situation may be. You explained why you turned on your former partner well, and established why the rest of the roster show be worried to fight you.

Scott Hammond
Nice cocky heel RP. Interesting idea to use a casino and more accurately a roulette wheel, like the random match ups this week. I'll point out a few instances that disagreed with me. You had a house show with your developmental 'buddies' so technically yes you have met. You also stated at the top you believed in luck, even though you claimed you didn't need it, then stated at the end you didn't believe in bad luck. It sounds very contradictory. You're pretty good with keeping sentences short and not using too many commas, still, "And so it has happened. I am finally here. Its official. I am a member of the WZCW family. I got the call." 5 short sentences all saying pretty much the same thing, not needed. The writings pretty good and you did a good job attacking possible opponents and developing a potential feud. Next piece, try to skim off a little bit of the filler and add in a bit more killer. Good job.

Trevor Steel
Great RP. You told an interesting story and like Lee said, you had Leon's speech and mannerisms down very well. I like the Showtime mention. You talked at a good length about potential opponents, made numerous mentions of other wrestlers and what's been going on in WZCW, a good amount of character build with the whole Karma thing, possible match potentials. Good amounts of description and humour and believable dialogue and feelings. I wish I had something I could suggest improvement on.

Big Dave
Play time is apparently over for the former FHD. Good RP that builds your character to a new direction. Lot's of flashbacks laying out how this whole thing built up, they were informative, the only problem was they really took up your RP a little too much. While you and Ace are still a tag team, I really see you beginning to take shape as a singles competitor. You guys are like cody and dibiase, without all the jobbing. You make strong comments about Titue, Everest, and Second coming and appear to have a ton of feuds to branch out to.

Zander Young
Solid RP. Way to really express the anger coupled with the inflicted pain you suffered in your match. The feud ain't over between you and Smith. The banter between you and your two friends is getting better each week and poor Leon being called a cat wanker, hilarious. Like the Rocky bit with the eye of the tiger music and the training. It definitely shows we have a new much more determined Zander who's done with his fun and games now as well (why's everyone being so serious) and wants to win. Good luck in your Elite X match.

AshLeigh FalKon
Not sure what to make of this. It was a well written piece, with good descripting paragraphs, maybe a few too many. What I don't like though is it was way different from your previous RP's. If there was some build to this demonic side of you in your previous RP's, aside from the 115 stuff, I could agree with it more. And like you also pointed out this is right along the lines of stuff we see from Ty. A good thing you have done is taken Joshuas firing and used it as much as you possibly can. But now that he's been killed and sacrificed, I'm interested in where you'll go next. I don't know what to make of your character, he's a closet gay, and now he's an anti-christ with followers. Perhaps a character change may be in order if your having trouble sticking to one persona..., great idea I had... maybe split personas... wait scratch that Milenko has that. Good ideas are hard to find, still it was a well written piece.

 

[Showtime]

NSL is right. The best way to do feedback is one at a time, almost right after their posted, so here we go. I'll just add more RP's in this post if others get posted this weekend.

Trevor Steel
Solid RP. I really liked the pace of the RP, taking time to discuss at length your world title match and the upcoming tag match. I also liked how you pointed out how many times you and Excellency have teamed up. There are very few teams in WZCW right now so it's nice to see your making attempts to make a connection. I just hope LJL post's this time to keep you guys together. Good use of description between short readable dialogues, I also liked how you still made mention to your early rival Rafael Nacho, lol, a possible future feud with Karnage, and using him to reference Blade and your opponent Baller, and his partner AshLeigh. I liked the shots you took at your opponents, the unfamiliarity and confusion between AshLeigh and Joshua, as well as with Baller and his intelligence, rather than point out their winless streaks or saying you'll dominate them. It didn't make them look weak and you instead were able to put them over as tough, while still poking fun at them. This was a great RP, good work.

Matt Royale
A good RP. I liked the improved cockiness we see and the way you talked to Becky, now that is confidence. Your first paragraph was really good, accepting your recent faults and remembering who you are. The next two paragraphs were ok, but all 3 were filled with several grammatical errors. Example
"Lately I’ve only been so focused on destroying Matthew Fox. That I forgot who I am, but don’t worry thanks to Becky I know now." should read
"Lately I have been so focused on only destroying Matthew Fox that I forgot who I am, but thanks to Becky I now know who I am."
There are many more examples, mostly misplacement of words and wrong or over use of commas and periods."In all seriousness" wasn't needed. "... like you should and like the dog you are" pick one or add another sentence or 2. "Badness", try "bad news" instead. I also don't see how referring to yourself as a "pathetic coward" will help your character. Don't necessarily refer to the match if you don't think it makes you look good. Also your character is royalty. Like with my character, I portray him as a bit delusional of his abilities. Try doing a little more of that and less putting yourself down. It was a good RP to rid yourself of the cowardly image and back to acting more like the king.

Zander Young
Nice confident piece after winning the Elite X title (good work man). We see Leon's still a cat wanker and Zander is on cloud nine. I like how you went full circle with your WZCW career, referencing your first contract match and your early character, more of a typical drunken irishman. You talked about you quitting drinking, training hard, building up your Zander TV and pretty much becoming a star. I like it and I've noticed your ego growing in recent RP's. I look forward to see how the new champion Zander plays out. You really put over the rWo, particularly your opponent Big Dave, and didn't talk quite enough I felt about the match and how you'll win, but because the RP came right after your match, it wasn't a big factor. It plays well with your over confidence right now. As always good dialogue with Leons and your chums. Good RP.

Scott Hammond
Great RP you got here. I like the direction you're starting, albeit an often used one, but it helps to have a goal and 'the streak' does make a good one for your character. Your dialogue is smooth and focused. You talked at the right amount of length your match with Milenko, your opponents match and the match you two will be having. I liked the knock you did on his nickname, stating yourself to be the real deal over his prototype, and the use of what I assume will be a stable in your RP's, that is 'you WILL respect me'. Your character's got a pretty standard tough cocky heel attitude, but you seem to make it stand out more than your average cocky heel. There were a few minor spelling errors and grammatical flubs that only need a brief overview to patch up, but otherwise a fine RP.

Criminal Karnage
I like how were seeing more and more RP's with interactions between wrestlers. Makes it seem more real, especially in a backstage locker room setting where you guys aren't killing or destroying each other like we see in so many RP's. As always, good descriptions with your RP. I didn't really notice it, but you and Trevor would actually make pretty good rivals in that you both have completely different outlooks on life and wrestling. Your words are tough and fit your character to a mold. I like the whole 'actions and consequences', it works well with your wrestler and I hope we see it on and off again in your RP's. It'll also be interesting to see if Steels words have any affect on you in the long run. I love the journal bit, it adds a much needed layer to the tough destructive criminal gimmick you have and is a bone chilling way to express your feelings (and pretty creative). I like how your taken a personal vendetta against USA, and in one RP set up a world of potential for a feud between you two. Rather than talk about Smith at the same length as USA, you kept it short which was another good thing as it avoided making it too long of an RP, something I know u and I have problems with at times. It says you have a second RP coming, but I have to say that this one alone is good enough to stand on it's on. Great RP and can't wait for Part 2: A visit to Steels Home Perhaps, lol.

 

[NSL]

Blade - I liked this RP. It covered your past, present, and future well, and stayed in character the whole time.

Karnage - Another solid RP. It helped that it had some Steel in it, but it was good without him Nice job sticking with the journal, as well as covering everything going on around Karnage.

Scott Hammond - Not a bad RP. You covered everything you needed to, and made sure to build up your win from last week. That's always a good thing to do following a Mayhem Rules match.

Matt Royale - This is a really good heel v. heel RP. You recognized your loss, and why you lost, but also made sure to get yourself over for this week. I'm not a big fan of Nacho myself, p), so it was nice to see you put him down as a coward along the way.

Zander Young - Your RP had me laughing the whole time. The segment with Leon flowed well, and went right into the 2nd part with Zander's people. The shower part had me laughing hardest.

 

[NSL]

Ace David - It's a good RP, but thing stood out to me, even if it wasn't meant to. When you said the rWo were there to "save" WZCW, the "" seemed to show a lack of faith in your little organization...

Mr. Baller & Ashleigh Falkon - What a lack of teamwork. I understand you're both on the losing end of most, if not all, of your matches, but it would have been nice to see a little bit of confidence here. You both hate your partner, and focus more on them than your opponents. Steel is on quite a roll, and you brushed him off as a pest. Could be a big mistake.

William Teach - As I sit here trying to give feedback, I find myself at a loss. I don't remember anything about your RP, other than some banter with Leon. Maybe if you posted it earlier, making fun of him would have seemed lke a good idea, but you're the 4th or 5th person to do it. I like the start of the RP though, with the book, and the end is OK, but the middle is what stands out.

Big Dave - Pretty badass heel RP. You covered everything from Zander, to Titus, to Ascension as a whole. All the talk about Scotland and the UK worked well, even if I don't personally know all the personal meanings behind it. The "rWo" pic at the end stung a little, but it was a nice touch.

 

[Dave]

Trevor Steel (NSL) – As per usual, yours was a great RP. You can never get enough of Karnage it seems and it only helps that you are continuing to reference all of your feuds that you entangled in now or at a later time. I am really looking forward to facing off with you at some point. Just like you last RP’s and the reason why I like your RP’s so much, is because it is very honest. That is continued again in this RP. You reference the World Title match, in which I kicked you ass. You then talked about your match this week and I think that your feelings about the math are definitely very honest. It surprised me that you were not put into more of a match, no offence to your opponents. However, it is a great RP and worthy of a win.

Ashleigh FalKon (FalKon) – I don’t know what it is about RP’s that I am not getting. I want to be very honest with you in this feedback because it could help you with your new character, which I wish you all of the luck in the world with. Your RP’s are very strange. I recall you saying that your RP’s are part of a puzzle which is revealed a little bit more very week. This is not a good idea so please don’t do it with your next character. The problem with it is that people will not get it until the final payoff and by that point it will be too late. So yeah, don’t do that anymore. The second thing is that this character is just far too strange. Seriously, just make your character a relaxed dude and you will be able to write better material stuff for him because you are a relaxed dude yourself, it will just feel more natural and will come off that way, I’m sure. The other thing about your RP’s is that it is sometimes very long winded and doesn’t really cover lot of the stuff that you should be concentrating on. Your first priority should be your next match and then other stuff after that. This RP was fine and is pretty decent in terms of content. However, I would hope that you take all of this on board and use it to make your next character a better success. Sorry for being so harsh but Constructive criticism is always a good thing.

Mr. Baller – Hmm! I really don’t know what to make of this at all. I think you are definitely on the right tracks now and I think that with every RP deadline that passes, you are definitely finding your niche a little more. Your last RP was pretty good and if you had been up against someone who is on the same level as you, you would have won the match surely. You are definitely getting better and your RP’s are getting better. The only problem I had with this RP is that you don’t really cover your opponents, you merely brush them off and this is a bad thing. I know you are a heel and everything but Steel is an uber-face. I don’t mean to brag and blow my own horn but go and read my RP. I know I am a monster heel and you are just a heel but that is the way you should be concentrating on faces. Take them apart piece by piece and you will have more substantial content.

 

[Dave]

OK, right back on the ol’ feedback horse (mainly because I am very, very bored).

Big Dave (Phoenix) – You bastard! You bring that up! You bring that piece of trash video up and then tarnish our beloved flag with your slogan? You asshole! I’m joking of course, Phoenix only hates Scottish people slightly. Not a lot, only slightly. Anyway with that out of the way I will get onto the actual feedback of the RP. I liked it a lot, it made sense and I am sure that your plan to get under the skin of Frankie has worked. It was a very well written piece and you covered everything really well. I thought it was quite harsh at times but given your new character, it made a lot of sense to drive down your opponent as much as you did. I liked how you referenced the bridge RP, one of my all-time favourites. A great RP and I think that you have really come into your own lately.

Zander (Fratelli) – Did anyone else notice that it was two creative members going at it? This makes me very happy because voting is going to be a hoot. Nevertheless, on to the opposition RP we go. So naturally, you have been on a high since winning the Elite X Championship and you should be. Your RP this time around was very good. I thought it was very candid and honest, which if you read my NSL feedback is something that I really enjoy. I still enjoy the “Cat Wanker” thing although not a lot of people will get it, I assume. The best feedback I can give you is that if you read Dave’s RP, you have so much more material to use and come back at him with. I don’t know if you want to post another RP but if it was me, I would be bringing it back strong at him and giving him everything. It’s up to you entirely though.

William Teach (MRC) – Hmm! I really don’t know what I make of this RP at all. It was strange and it just didn’t feel very natural. It felt as though you had over thought some of the aspects involved and it didn’t really work. In saying that, that was only the setting and that can be remedied and over-looked if the content is good. Generally, I am a big fan of your work and this was another good effort. The picture of Leon was funny if un-needed and I certainly thought that the FalKon references were pretty cool. Your RP’s are pretty easy to read and I like how you structure it and I appreciate the work that you are putting in because you don’t really have a solid program as of yet. Nevertheless, I thought it was a good effort and I think that with a little work, you could be a top guy around here. Nobody is perfect and this place is all about development.

Ace David (hArdymAriomArk) – Firstly, where the Hell have you been, man. I haven’t spoke to you in too long. Anyway, I’ll get on with the feedback. This was a good piece of dramatic writing, even if it was a little bit short. I had to believe that with the current feud you are in, coupled with the rivalry with Titus, you could have written o much more than you did. Apart from that, it was good as far as content goes. Nice job on that but the length is my only complaint.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

I'm going to try sum everyones feedback up pretty quickly, because me rambling on about it won't help much at all. I'll just take notes as I read them and put them as dot points

Zander

• I like they way you've made it a squence of events from right after your title win to later on. It allowed you to address all the issues without waffling on.

• Actually, you did have a lot to say after the match, which is a little weird, because you would think he'd be puffed and dead tired after the match, so having him go into his thoughts about the rWo and the Elite X title was a bit of a stretch.

• The shower scene didn't click with me as much as your previous banter with Neil and Steve has, and you left it with a bit of an ambigous ending, but I suppose that could all be forgiven.

Big Dave

• Xenophobia, the hidden art of the RP. You honed it pretty well I guess, but I'm from Australia, so I wouldn't get most of tghe jokes anyways.

• You've solidified your rWo position and opinions quite well here, and you've really made note that they run the show

• You used picture and video! And I thought I was being semi original with my RP....

Scott Hammond

• Crap I'm going to have to do some research and see if you're a heel or face.

• Ok you're heel, he's face. In that case, I don't know how wise it was for you to compliment his submission prowess, especially if you're the cocky kind.

• You know, looking at your wrestlers bio, I'm seeing a distinctly different gimmick. I mean, it says you're a pub brawler, but he speaks with great diction and speaks eloquently, which im not sure is what you're going for with that gimmick. However, you may have changed your character, and I completely understand if this is the case. Just watch that.

the rest will be up later.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

I swear I'm not post ****ing. Promise.

Ace David

• Short and sweet. Not that I have any experience or anything, but if you can get the message across in short messages, it has a greater effect than rambling on about nothing, and you've done well here. I should be taking notes really

• Yeah, in your two paragraphs, you really set yourself up. You addressed everyone from Titus to the rWo to Second Coming, but you didnt need to dwell on anything. I don't really know what else to say.

Trevor Steel

• Personally, and I mean no disrespect, but this seemed a bit generic to me. I liked your RP last week, and you really did well I think, bringing Leon to the concert and tying it all in. Here it just seems sort of....fish out of water-ey. Yeah, I hope its a word.

• It's good you've made a mention of the title match, being the biggest of his career. I'm interested to see where you take this fixation over the title to, whether it comes into play later or not...

• Yeah it wasnt bad. The only thing I felt reading it was that you were just feeding Leon the lines, and then Trev was answering and it was very ping pong like. What do you think of Excellency? What do you think of Ashleigh? Mr Baller? I may be a little overcritical here, so sorry about that. It's just a common trap a lot of RP's will fall into, my own included.

AshLeigh Falkon

• So word is going round the locker room we are seeing the swansongs of Ashleigh FalKon before he had even gotten started. I'll be honest, this is a real shame and I hoped you would have stuck around for the inevitable Teach/Falkon clash at Kingdom Come. Haha Regardless, your character was unique and if you balanced the 115 cult with the Closet Gay gimmick, it would have been awesome. Onto the RP.

• I do like the way you have made him worried about greater powers and nervous, but it would have been good if he had interjected his spiel on Trevor Steel or something with a girly scream at a mysterious sound. But, you used the term "rainbow target on my back" so all is forgiven.

• Yeah, I'll be honest. I liked this much better than your Cultist Church promo. If you keep it in the locker room, and keep it at calling people fugly, withthe dark side being revealed at the end of bloody feuds, it could have worked. Good luck with the new character.

Mr Baller

• I still like the Coach character right now. Just make sure to change him once in a while or build on him more so he doesnt become stale. Which is what i feel Mr Baller is right now. I feel like if you focus less on the losing streak and more on developing your basketballer character, it would make a better RP

• Since your character is close to MVP's, even being trained by him, maybe you could take a few similar mannerisms. I don't know, talk about Slam Dunks and Alley Oops? Just something to seperate him from every other cocky heel. Your gimmick is really what differentiates you from everyone else, and its the tool to help you climb the ladder. Use it.

More up later I guess

 

[NSL]

Milenko - I like the writing of the RP, but I don't get the point of it. It explains your past, all over again, but doesn't address anything for the future. Also, what kind of quack doctor can make a diagnosis that quick? It all just seemed a little odd...

Showtime - Loved this. The opening flowed well into The Show, and then the actual show itself was good. The ending was very interesting, and has me looking forward to where it leads.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

Being For the Benefit of Mr Kite L

• Yeah. Pretty good eh?

• Better expand this mother out. Here the thing I think Lee has captured quite clearly in his RP. He has found a balance between his character and his feud. He isn't overpowering the storyline with his gimmick, but at the same time, theres more to his RP than just a recount of how he's been wronged. He has a certain flair for doing this, and I think it shows strongly. He still has Titus making a few quips, but he then gets straight down into the storyline. We know who he is already, we dont need character building. And we know he's pissed.

• Caps Lock, minutes to learn, a lifetime to master.

 

[NSL]

Titus - Terrific RP. I remember talking with you on MSN, about how much I loved Stevie's promo from Imact a few weeks ago, with his change in attitude coming out of nowhere, and that's exactly what I envisioned here. It worked great, and I think these are the RPs newcomers need to read to prepare.

Karnage - I like this one more than the list one, simply because it's more of an RP than a segment. That sounded better in my head. It worked well. You covered everything about your past, while talking about your future. it's usually hard to pull off. Nice omission of Steel by the way

Bratchny - I'll get the spelling down one day...This was another solid RP. It felt like a real TV segment, and flowed nicely. Not much else I can say about it...

 

[Muffin Top Merkley]

Matt Royale: I wish you could be my opponent this week. You put yourself down so much that it would have saved me from doing it. You put put yourself down more than your opponent or the match. In your RP, Becky "helped" you "find yourself". I'm hoping that, now that Matt Fox is gone, and you have found yourself, you are able to go over the top with your character being wrestling royalty (think King Booker) I think this will not only help you nail your character and make your RPs stronger, but it will make you stand out when compared to the rest of the roster. If we can have a pirate, we can have a King.

William Teach: I've always loved the crowds reaction to you in all of your RPs. By doing so you make me compare William Teach to The Rock in terms of crowd favorites and promos. However, while The Rock can be entertaining when he goes off topic with the interviewer, it doesn't have the same affect when a person is reading it. I wouldn't have found The Rock as enjoyable if I read scripts of his promo. Humour is good, but make sure that there is at least a balance between it and the match.

And like I said in my feedback from the last series of matches, I would like to see your be smarter than anyone else in the WZCW roster. I think it would allow you to be more unique and give you more to work with in your RPs. But I am only one person and I don't know if you are interested in going in that direction. Ultimately it is up to you.

Trevor Steele: You have a complete grasp on your character. You can easily get into Trevor's head and your RPs always reflect that. I love the contrast between your look and lifestyle, yet your #1 priority has always been your child. It adds depth to your character and makes it different. I think that your character and a heel Rush could have an amazing fued. I also like you don't just use Leon for your RP, but you actually have a relationship with him.

You have improved greatly since you first match and I'm sure your title match last week is the first of many.

AshLeigh Falcon: Dave's Feedback pretty much summed it up perfectly.

You seem confused with your character and unsure as to what direction or gimmick you want it to go in. Before you start with your new character, I suggest that you really try to figure out what you want to accomplish with him. Really get into his head and determine what he would and wouldn't do. Good luck.

Big Dave: So far my favorite RP of the week. You are now a full fledge heel. 100% I'd even go as far as say the biggest in the company.

In your RP, you managed to cover alot of ground and events in little words. In other words, you didn't use 7 words when only 4 will do. (Ocean's Eleven anyone?) You know exactly what to say to get under your opponents skin and it does wonders for you. If I had a complaint, I suppose it would be that it was short. But it didn't need to be long. I guess I just liked it so much that I didn't want it to end.

Titus: Sometimes I don't get the time to read every RP. This week I'm putting my focus on the ones that have done feedback recently, hoping to receive some in return. Your RP is one that I'm glad I didn't miss. I referenced William Teach's promo to one of the Rocks (loosely). Now I am going to compare yours to another one of the best promo guys in my opinion. Mick Foley.

Started off nice and calm, with slight humour, then BLAMO! Derranged but still with a purpose and able to get the message acrossed. I really liked how you dissected your own character is how there are different sides of him and now the rWo has brought out a whole new side. It almost seemed like even you were afraid of this new side which really help sell it.

David Cougar: I enjoyed a heel David Cougar. And part of me was worried that something would be lost when you became a face. This RP eliminated all fears. (Althought may I add that you played the cocky heel perfectly and you were never a cookie cutter RPer like other cocky heels.)

It was nice to see Cougar as a human being lately. He has fears, emotion, concerns etc. I'm not sure whats going on with WZCW and the lights flickering, abductions etc. But the way you discribed everything in your RP, I can't wait to figure out what is going on. Loved your 'cliffhanger' at the end and I will be reading your RP next time to see where it takes me.

Criminal Karnage: Part One was an excellent read. I enjoyed how you used Steele's views on Karma and pushed your thoughts on consequences and history in the business. You were able to take the reader backstage at a wrestling event. You are able to discribe your surroundings very well and your RPs always manage to read well. Part One alone was solid.

Part 2. I was worried going in that by putting a part 2 would take away from you RP as a whole. Once I finished reading I realized that it fits better as a two parter and if you combined the 2 into one RP it would then, lost its effect. I don't think there is any way that you could add everything that you did in part 2 into part 1 and make it flow as nicely as it did. Well done.

 

[Phoenix]

Going to do a rare moment of feedback for the first two RPs out there

Mr. Baller: You're really starting to solidify your character now and I quite liked this, knowing it's the first part of a two parter, it means there's more to come. It was short, but straight to the point, but I look forward to seeing what your second part holds because you really are starting on something here.

James Baker: The Extreme Gangsta returns and BOY what a return! This RP was the perfect return RP, you got the motivation, the backstory, the continuity, the history. I couldn't put a foot wrong, you really researched your material and given I've seen the RPs that come from Ty and Rush, I know this match is going to be hard to call. Really brilliant stuff and welcome back, you've certainly made the impact once again. Look forward to seeing your next RP at the LL.

 

[Lee]

Baller: I'll wait until part two is up to feed back

Hammond: There's a formula that I think always makes an RP work. You have to tell a story whilst telling us about your character, what went on last show and what's going on next show. You did that and I must say I was very impressed with it. Great work man.

Baker: Mark the Fuck out...James Baker is back. My word what an improvement on your character, him as a face = win. You can tell you've thoughts this through, how it will relay to the rp. I must say this is the best RP I've seen from you to date. Keep t up man and welcome back.

Jordan Lights Erm when you have 10 days to RP, it's always good to take your time with it. Some people have that set forumla, some like to do interviews, some just monologues either way it's more than a paragraph. That I felt really let you down the length of it, have a read around at other peoples RPs, Everests, Lars Reidar, Carmen Bratchny for example all different styles. See how it works and how it flows.

 

[NSL]

James Baker - Very good return RP. I like how you covered your time away, and explained your plans for the future. You also addressed both opponents well, and set up what should be a great match. Maybe it's cause you've been away, but the "ghetto talk"(?) took a paragraph or two to get used to, but it isn't a major problem.

Mr. Baller - Not a bad RP, but it is a little short I know it's only half of what you're doing, so hopefully the 2nd half expands a bit. You used the space well, already playing off as the cocky heel, and putting down your opponent, taking past experience in to play. I also marked a little for the Trevor Steel remark

Scott Hammond - Something about this RP really clicked with me. It started off nice and slow, and worked into a pretty good product. You addressed your past and future very well, explaining why Hammond is the way he is, and where he is going. You also showed that you do a fair amount of reading here, remarking on your past, as well as Matt's to build yourself heading to what could be a match at Lethal Lottery.

Blade - This RP was working for me, until the end. Even for a face, it had a little bit of a weak close. "I know Karnage but I could be wrong" makes you sound like you truly don't know what you're talking about. Also, you failed to address that if you lose to Karnage, you're not in the Lethal Lottery at all (At least that's what I took from what Lee said). You also seemed more worried about your partner than your opponents.

OK...I know that sounds really harsh, so let me clarify. For the future, it works (except for looking confused). For this match, it's not as strong as it might need to be. You are facing the champ and the #1 contender. They deserve a little more attention.


EDIT: I took out the feedback for Jordan Lights, since he's re-doing his.

 

[Lee]

Blade I'm going to be honest here and say I've seen better from you. The steel thing would have worked better without the crowd laughing, steels a face remember. Contrary to what NSL said I liked the ending, I like how your concern was the match v Karnage and not that it was for the LL, world title or anything like that. It's a genuine hatred between the two of you and I like that.

My other concern was you didn't really address the match in question, whilst sometimes that works pretty well other times it does more harm than good, and I think that was the case here.

 

[Lee]

Royale

The description was good, the way that you delt with the match loss was good, bringing int eh advisor was good. It was a good RP. however That won't do you too much if I just say it was good. I had two minor niggles with it 1) was the use of Leon, Leon's not a sarcastic man, he's very polite. 2) It seemed towards teh end you almost forgot what you were saying and it seemed a bit jumbled. But it was a damn good RP!

 

[NSL]

Matt Royale - I can't say much that Lee hasn't already said. It was a solid RP, although it feels a bit rushed at the end, like you weren't sure how to close it. You hit on a lot of good points, but then smashed it together to close. Like Lee, my only gripe was the use of Leon. He's really a nice guy.



I'll add more feedback to this post when there's a few more up...

 

[Lee]

SteelWe finally have a name for your Son and he's a Titus mark!

Great RP as I told you on msn, the story flowed, it was really well written. You can see this happening in real life with little kids and his concern for his dad. Really good telling of the story...lets hope the fat Red Mask sorts himself out

 

[Blade]

Doc:
Good first RP. I liked how dramatic you made it, you didn't get too dramatic... Although, we're talking about wrestling so I wonder if it's possible to be too dramatic... Anyway, yeah, I thought the RP helped you set up your character for the future better than any other development RP's I've seen, which is pretty cool.
Just a note though, I don't think you're allowed mention a real wrestler, even the Gobbeldy Gooker.

 

[Lee]

Jordan Lights Much better, much better. You're a face though...why be a dick? You should also look into the characters of the annoucners, how you used Johnny was totally wrong, the character seemed to fit Leon more. Also if you want to beat on an announcer you need to ask permission, you did not. As a whole a pretty good RP for your first one.

Chris Beckford Description was great, the story flow was great. You stayed as a face and we found out about your background a bit. Great storytelling, top notch RP I guess the only minor thing that annoyed me was the phone name thing, how many times on TV when a phone rings do you see a shot of the persons name? Not many, but that was just me trying to find fault with it.

Duke Miles Erm it feels like something is missing from this, as thought he RP you posted was the middle or end of one. It was a very strange question for Stacey to open on and again you posted a heel RP but you're a face.

Kazari: First thing to note is how much better RPs look in colour rather than bold, however that could be because of the costume of your character, I don't know. It was a very unique way to do an RP with you actually being on stage, you got a feel for the character and I liked that.

 

[Lee]

Just to clarify that this thread is for posting Feedback only, if you want to discuss your feedback please take it into the discussion thread.