G
Gus
Guest
It is... but he said we could have a little of it uilding up our character, you dont have to redo it, if you think its fine, stick with it, go with your gut
RP Feedback Thread
- Thread starter sincade20
- Start date
M
Melon Farmer
Guest
i have decided to redo it..and i thank Sincade and Will for giving me the chance to...u guys are the best!!!
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
This is just one example of what I'm refering to. Its straight & too the point, which is fine.. don't misunderstand that, but if you wanted to add more to it, I can see it being a lot better.
For example, here, you're asked what match you would like to have the most. & your reply was straight to the point on why you feel "that" specific match would work, but it doesn't explain more on why GUS would feel more comfortable in that type of setting. I think you truly could've added that dispite your size, you feel comfortable with ladders & know how to use them. You could've added a sizable amount more to this reply. Understand?
This is one other thing. When you replied with the comment about Ricky saying you stole ideas from him, you blurred the lines between character & reality. Gus the character didn't "steal" anything, Gus the writer/posted "used" similar ideas. This (in my opinion) doesn't belong here, as it makes no sense for Gus - the wrestler/character.
Explaining how you beat Steamboat is acceptable, its what was asked.. but the background on stealing ideas is simply blurring reality from fiction. Understand?
ALSO - the ending parts with your conversation with Heidi, a lot of them were one sentence long. A lot of different points, including the interviewer, were one sentence long. I'm not saying it didn't work, cause it did.. & I'm not saying "be like me," cause you have great writing skills & a great imagination.. I'm just saying, IF it was me (which you aren't, & I'm not you, please don't take offense to me saying that) I'd change it & have the talking sections longer.
Not ALL of them, but the conversation at the end with Heidi could've been more worded. Instead of "yeah" type replies. Understand? I hope this has helped.. & I definately don't mean disrespect, as I think you're growing greatly as a RPer. I can't wait to work a feud with you!
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
Peanut, I'd never, EVER be out to hurt or disrespect anyone for their RPs. I'm the new one here, not you, not Gus. So I'm learning off what I've seen from all of you.. & adding my own spin on things.
When you asked about what you felt you should write & whether it should be similar to Gus & I, absolutely not.. it doesn't have to be. In my opinion, copying someone isn't "stealing" their ideas.. as you'll almost always put your own 'spin' on it. And a simple "original" RP, that is more or less a basic interview isn't always bad..
Also, when I said I didn't get the feeling you'd win with that RP, its simply because if those who vote for the better RP read it.. & they don't read an RP, but instead a recap type show.. I don't think they'd see talent in that, so much as just trying to make it long & drawn out.
To me, the Dan Rather interview was some of the very best work you've done. YES, it was WAY drawn out & could've been sized up better & fit all into one or two RPs.. but it was still absolutely amazing.
No, you don't need to build your character to maintain a great RP. But because your character, like mine, are heels.. its slightly their gimmick to claim they're gonna win & be the best. Thats why its easy to be a heel & hard to be a face. Pissing people off is a nature ability.. but capturing the fans love for you, like faces have to do.. that is incredibly hard.
Overall, I can't wait to see what you do.. & again, to you & Gus, I'd never, EVER mean any offense, disrespect, or hurtful sayings to either of you. I learn from both of you, as well as everyone else. So I Thank You both for the knowledge I've gained. I'm merely voicing my opinion, on what I see before my own eyes.
M
Melon Farmer
Guest
Will...I assure you that I did not, not once, think u were making fun, critisizing, or any of that mumbo jumbo. I thought it was really good, but if you guys, the audience, thought it wasn't good, well I am not gonna argue with you. I still think it is good, but maybe not good for this topic...which is perfectly fine with me.
I have already started on My RP...it takes place in the Ghetto's of Afghanistan...with HAsheem wakling around and reminising....u think that would help? I hope it does.
Again,
no need to apologize...bc someone who is greedy and wants to win the match wouldn't have sed anything...but u did which is why u r a good friend...the both of u...thank u
I have already started on My RP...it takes place in the Ghetto's of Afghanistan...with HAsheem wakling around and reminising....u think that would help? I hope it does.
Again,
no need to apologize...bc someone who is greedy and wants to win the match wouldn't have sed anything...but u did which is why u r a good friend...the both of u...thank u
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
I can't honestly say it wouldn't work, but its definately a "must see." Ghetto's of Afghan huh? When I think of your RP, it already has me curious if it'd be Hasheem doing a similar promo to that of what I first did, before debuting. lol If so, I can see it being completely funny.
I'm actually laughing really hard at the thought, because I'm picturing Hasheem walking passed random torturings & battles that're happening, & he's just kinda laughing about it.. being all like ..
"Ah, thats my 3rd cousin, twice removed from my brother's side.. ah-ha-ha, crazy akbar, I remember he once tried suiciding himself in london.. his friends, they pull a joke, disable bomb.. the look on his face, it was priceless. -- alalala FOR ALA! *click* (no explosion) 'oh shit!' hehehe crazy akbar, what we do without him, no?"
hahahahaha Oh man, can you not read that, imagine it happening, & just almost piss yourself?!
Disasterpiece
Immortal
hey guys,
just a little side comment if i may add my 2 cents.
It is really not that hard at all to write a good promo for your character. Making it out to be a whole lot harder than it is. All you really gotta do is just take a minute to deeply think and visualize your character. Now, take that and put it into words. Speak through your imagination and the imagination you have of your superstar.
The better you visualize on paper in writing, the easier it will be for the imagination of your readers and your audience to ignite. Which will then make for a fantastic RP.
In a nutshell: just sit back, relax, take a deep breath, and play everything out in your head piece by piece in vivid detail before you put it down. The more you make your guy come to life, the better it will be. Also, it's always good to leave a little suspense or something at the end for your readers to think about. Something to make them want to read more or have a bit of foreshadowing .
and also remember, it's not always quantity but quality.
hopefully my advice can come in handy. I didnt mean to offend no one if thats what happened.
regards,
-DP
just a little side comment if i may add my 2 cents.
It is really not that hard at all to write a good promo for your character. Making it out to be a whole lot harder than it is. All you really gotta do is just take a minute to deeply think and visualize your character. Now, take that and put it into words. Speak through your imagination and the imagination you have of your superstar.
The better you visualize on paper in writing, the easier it will be for the imagination of your readers and your audience to ignite. Which will then make for a fantastic RP.
In a nutshell: just sit back, relax, take a deep breath, and play everything out in your head piece by piece in vivid detail before you put it down. The more you make your guy come to life, the better it will be. Also, it's always good to leave a little suspense or something at the end for your readers to think about. Something to make them want to read more or have a bit of foreshadowing .
and also remember, it's not always quantity but quality.
hopefully my advice can come in handy. I didnt mean to offend no one if thats what happened.
regards,
-DP
The Enforcer
The Heel John Cena!
No problem Everest, take your time. I am just letting you go first as I am the champ you are the challenger lol JK
G
Gus
Guest
Actually, in one of Steamboat's RPs, he put that I stole his ideas, so i was responding to that... but i see what you mean, i need to expand in my RPs more, just in school writing essays
LOLAM I allowed to edi my RP? becuase I had some new ideas for it... and it includes some YouTube Videos to kind of give people a visual idea of the matches, and i'm gonna make it based more on the ladder match, since thats what got voted in...
Steamboat Ricky
WZCW's Living Legend
Guys,
I am going to do my best to get my promo in by tomorrow. Life kind of threw me a curveball, and it's kind of overwhelming at the moment. I just wanted to let you guys know. Thanks in advance for understanding.
This is easily the most out of character post I've ever made.
I am going to do my best to get my promo in by tomorrow. Life kind of threw me a curveball, and it's kind of overwhelming at the moment. I just wanted to let you guys know. Thanks in advance for understanding.
This is easily the most out of character post I've ever made.
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
Thank You for letting us know, Ricky. If you can't get your RP in because of a life/family emergency, or anything like that, its understandable. You won't be released, or fired.. if thats what you were thinking.
And if you need extended time off, please let us know. We'll pick up with the next idea for your Character & storyline when you're fully ready to make a return.
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
I apologize, Gus, I had no idea he put something like that in his RPs. In my personal opinion with doing this.. the point of realistic & fiction need to have a sharply drawn line.
I understand where Ricky came from, by stepping on his RPs, but I also get how you merely took them & capitalized on them. So I see both sides. However, I wouldn't agree with either of you mentioning the real life issue you had, in your character's "life." (its blurring the lines of reality with fiction)
That is something you'd have to ask Enforcer or Sincade. I'm going to assume you can't, & the only reason Peanut is redoing his, is because Sincade & Enforcer more or less decided that his was a "recap" not a "RP."
Again, please feel free to take it up with either Sincade or Enforcer, as they may allow it. I can't say & don't know. Best of luck Gus..
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
EVEREST: By far that has been one of the better, if not perhaps the best Rps I've seen since being here. I think the perverbial "bar" has been raised for Joseph Rios.. but I'm sure the Champion didn't get where he is today, without having a trick or two left back.
Everest, I give you full credit for writing the best Rp that I've seen yet, especially when it comes to regarding Civil Revolution. There was definately a reason you were one of the two men, in the Main Event.. & you just showed everyone why.
Everest, I give you full credit for writing the best Rp that I've seen yet, especially when it comes to regarding Civil Revolution. There was definately a reason you were one of the two men, in the Main Event.. & you just showed everyone why.
The Enforcer
The Heel John Cena!
Gus unfourtunatly I am going to have to say you can not edit your RP. Reason behind it is cause if we let you then everyone will want to make changes. Sorry about that bro, but it was still pretty good.
Steamboat Ricky
WZCW's Living Legend
Ok guys. I got it done. It's just difficult to get into a character when your character is some crazy pirate when life takes a deuce on you. But, I'm feeling slightly better, and everything clicked well. Thanks for being cool about it. I hope you enjoy.
Hey steamboat what I said to Everest also applies to you. I am pretty sure that if you ever get any title that you would have to get a life long ban from WZ to get the title off of you. Even then you would just IM your RPs to Enforcer or Sincade and we would still get our asses kicked...kife just isnt fair. lol. anyway great RP!
~PwNaGe~
~PwNaGe~
theonebig will & pwnage -- thank you very much. That is really really appreciated. I've been wanting to do something like that for a long time, I just never found the right spot for it to work. With the big win over Titus and the upcoming match it seemed like the perfect spot with Everest being quite happy about the win and ready for the title shot.
I know rios will up the ante and I can't wait.
Again thank you, I really appreciate the comments.
Everest/Michigan
I know rios will up the ante and I can't wait.
Again thank you, I really appreciate the comments.
Everest/Michigan
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
Steamboat Ricky: Unbelieveable, your RP was amazing. Like I said from the very beginning, I couldn't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to continuously come up with great Rps for a Pirate. But you continue to amaze.
I hope your RP was meant to be funny, because I couldn't stop myself from laughing at most of it, including the Spanish Announce Tables that were, oddly enough, positioned at various points in London. lol Also, the Sean Astin part was great.
ONE correction you need to slightly make though.. Mr. Sam isn't a character in W.Z.C.W. - Sammy Orwell is. SO, the "Sam" gimmick for attacking Sean Astin is still understandable.. (through SAMmy) but calling Mr. Sam by name, is calling out a person that isn't relevant to our stories. I don't know if you meant to do that, or if it was a laps in error.. similar to mine, when I called Joseph Rios by his creator's name - Enforcer.
I hope your RP was meant to be funny, because I couldn't stop myself from laughing at most of it, including the Spanish Announce Tables that were, oddly enough, positioned at various points in London. lol Also, the Sean Astin part was great.
ONE correction you need to slightly make though.. Mr. Sam isn't a character in W.Z.C.W. - Sammy Orwell is. SO, the "Sam" gimmick for attacking Sean Astin is still understandable.. (through SAMmy) but calling Mr. Sam by name, is calling out a person that isn't relevant to our stories. I don't know if you meant to do that, or if it was a laps in error.. similar to mine, when I called Joseph Rios by his creator's name - Enforcer.
Hey Will, I am not Ricky and I don't speak for Ricky just my own opinion. I didn't think he was speaking to Mr. Sam the poster when he was doing his RP. I think that was just him calling Sammy Orwell: Mr. Sam because it's his, I guess, nature would be the best word for it I think. Like if he were talking to me he would call me Mr. Reaper or call you Mr. Will. Like I said just my opinion.
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
I can completely see that, & I wasn't intentionally telling Ricky to change it. I was just pointing out the Mr. Sam thing, cause "I" myself made a mistake in calling Enforcer by his name, instead of Rios. So I wanted to make sure he infact meant to do what he did.
Like I also (think I) said. Either way, because Mr. Sam's character is called Sammy.. the Mr. Sam thing could work. Its similar a close call & a misunderstanding of whether he meant it, or not. No harm, no foul.
Peanut, I liked this RP loads more than your other one. It almost sounded like he was going to pull a face-turn, but then you had to put down Americans and that went out the window...lol. I was very impressed with Rajeem's dialogue. It seems more now than ever that he is pulling Hasheem's strings. oooooh. Face-turn Hasheem destroys Rajeem....hmmmm....works on paper...lol. But yeah good RP this time around.
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
PEANUT: I think this RP will win you more than your last. It was very well formatted & put together. Also, the story that was told is dramatic, it hits hard for Hasheem's character.
I'd be extremely afraid to face the real-life counterpart.. as a man who has anger for his past, for his former home, family & life.. is not a man to mess with.
I also agree with King_Pwnage.. Rajeem seems slightly like he's pulling strings. Hasheem showed some weakness with his care, regarding his past. Rajeem seems more emotionless, which could play out in a storyline later on. All in all, very well put together & an overall great RP.. well done, Peanut.
I'd be extremely afraid to face the real-life counterpart.. as a man who has anger for his past, for his former home, family & life.. is not a man to mess with.
I also agree with King_Pwnage.. Rajeem seems slightly like he's pulling strings. Hasheem showed some weakness with his care, regarding his past. Rajeem seems more emotionless, which could play out in a storyline later on. All in all, very well put together & an overall great RP.. well done, Peanut.
G
Gus
Guest
Peanut: your first RP was, somewhat good, like a good guitar riff, but your new one is like a face-melting guitar solo!!! well done, i think we all are in a dead heat to win the elite x title... i can wait to see who wins... we'll know on sunday!!!
