For the purposes of this soliloquy I am working under the assumption that you can read at roughly the same speed as I can. If youre a speed reader then the calculation may not work, but then as I understand it most speed readers are undernourished pale folk who dont have much muscle mass, so relatively speaking it probably shouldnt matter.
Anyway, the crux of this little monologue is that the above text (including this section right here and the text following this right up until I get to the punch line) should take roughly 18 seconds to read.
The reason it is necessary that it take a person that long to read is simple. By insuring that the text reaches the afore mentioned length I can feel safe in saying that, by the time you have finished reading this
LOU THESZ COULD HAVE ALLREADY BROKEN YOUR ANKLE!
Lou Thesz is, unquestionably, the greatest wrestler ever to (if youll excuse the cliché) lace up a pair of boots.
Ive been preparing to spectacularly fail in bringing a little Thesz love to the forums for quite a while, and as such I have built up a number of arguments why he is better than everybody else (especially you!), for your enjoyment in this opening match, I present three of them.
1) Lou Thesz was the man.
Thesz held the NWA Championship, which was at the time the biggest championship in the industry, for over 10 years. All right, Ill be fair, when Thesz first got the world championship it was nothing special. Just another belt if you will. During his initial 7 year (have I got that right?) title reign Thesz was basically able to go around the territories winning every other world championship, until he because the first true undisputed champion in over 50 years.
Nobody. Nobody. Not Austin, Hogan or HHH. Not even Sammentino for those who know their history. NOBODY has been as dominant or as important to the wrestling industry as Lou Thesz.
2) Lou Thesz was legit
That crack I made about him snapping your ankle wasnt a joke. It wasnt Kayfabe. Thesz is without a glimmer of a shadow of a doubt, the most talented hooker the business has ever seen. I know the modern wrestling fan, at least on this forum at least, tends to look down on legit wrestling ability in favour of psychology or whatever you call it. But what I think you have to appreciate is that Thesz wrestled in a very different time. Not only did Thezs work a schedule that would make your typical WWE champion break down a cry (regularly going 30+ minutes a night, 300 nights a year) but he had to do all this whilst maintain the illusion that everything in the ring was real.
How did he manage it so well you might ask. The answer is simple. Quite often it was. Thesz regularly wrestled outside of his own area of influence, going up against local heroes with biased judges who would award any fall against him, and the only way for him to come out on top he would have to physically incapacitate his opponent via a snapped arm or similar.
Furthermore, one of the downsides of a rigidly upheld kayfabe was that it opened the door to every shooter in the industry (And as the top guy, Lou had a pretty big target on his back). In those days it was very common to see guys going into business for themselves in the middle of matches trying to change the outcome by force. Thesz was a master of defending against these kinds of assaults, and only ever fell victim to a shooter once, (and that was only a rumour, and he still managed to avoid losing the belt).
Nobody in the entire industry could touch Lou Thesz in kayfabe; and nobody could touch him in a legitimate fight. I think we can safely say that he was untouchable.
3) Lou Thesz invented professional wrestling.
Now Im sure those whove done their Thesz homework will have a pretty good idea of where Im going with this one. Youd expect me to rattle off the dozens of moves that Lou Thezs pioneered and popularised. Belly to back suplex. Powerbomb. STF. Thesz press and half a dozen other holds. Unfortunately, in my eyes, inventing a few moves doesnt mean jack.
What Thesz innovated was far greater than that. Thesz basically pioneered the idea of playing heel. Little mannerisms such as taking the cheap shot out of the corner, refusing a break, disrespectfully slapping an opponent. These were all tactics popularised by Thesz when he was going up against a hostile crowd. Heck, the whole idea of in ring story telling which professional wrestling revolves around today basically began with Lou Thesz.
As the biggest name is professional wrestling for so long, its hard to argue with Thesz impact in the states. What most people are less aware of however is the effect he has outside the US.
Would it surprise you to learn that Lou Thesz is responsible for the growth of professional wrestling in Japan? (Probably not since I already went on about it in another thread)
Another name in this tournament is Rikidōzan. Ive already seen one person credit him for the growth of professional wrestling in Japan, and I think its time I refuted that claim. Rikidōzan was, prior to meeting Lou Thezs, nothing more than a big fish in a small pond. Wrestling was a minor attraction. Rikid was probably the most popular guy there, mostly due to his gimmick of heroically beating Americas during a time on animosity between the two nations. Pro wrestling and Rikids career only took off after Thesz came over, wrestled him in a sequence of phenomenal 60 minute draws, and then put him over. Twice.
This isnt like HHH letting hardy roll him up at the Royal Rumble (have I got that right). A win over Lou Thesz (oh, and the NWA title that came with it) was the greatest honour that ANYBODY in professional wrestling could be awarded. The industry was very different those days, and Lou Thesz was almost never expected to put anybody over. He put Rikid over once as per his job spec, then put him over an unprecedented second time at the cost of his own reputation. The result; the local Japanese talent (who was actually Korean) proved his out and out superiority over the biggest name the US had to offer, during a time after WW2 when the Japanese desperately needed a hero. This was Hogan V Slaughter times one-thousand. The result, pro wrestling in Japan exploded and experienced what was probably its biggest ever boom. And Lou Thesz made it happen.
Now, Id like to make clear that these are just a few of the reasons you should vote for Lou Thesz. But communications experts tell me that the average human stops fully digesting persuasive text after 1000 words, so Ill curtail my argument now and save the rest for when Thesz is getting whopped by some contemporary nobody who isnt fit to lace up his boots.
Vote Thesz.
EDIT: Just as an asside, I'd like to mention that Hayes is a nobody better known for racially abusing Mark Henry than for anything he did in the ring.
