Meltdown 157: Garth Black & Kagura vs Stetson Hayes & Xander

[Bernkastel]

Deadline is Tuesday, December 11th, 11:59 PM EST

 

[BK Styles]

Xander was out walking. It was a bright sunny day and he felt, for once, that all was right with the world. He continued down the street until he reached the local grocery store, bidding the shopkeeper a good day as he walked past.

As he meandered through the aisles, his thoughts turned to his opponents; Garth Black and Kagura. Sure, both were mighty, formidable opponents who were former World Champions, but both had fought each other at this years Kingdom Come. They loathed each other. Added to that was the fact that Garth hadn't been in the main Championship picture for a while, and Kagura's reign had almost been erased by her loss to Eve Taylor, someone Xander himself had defeated. Kagura had also fell victim to Xanders wrath in recent times, being part of an impressive list of conquered foes he had put together. He hoped she would join it yet again.

But what of his partner? Xander picked up a six-pack of Pepsi and pondered Stetson Hayes. A ridiculous man on the face of things but, truth be told, he had impressed during his short time with the company. He had made waves and Xander knew he'd rather have him as a partner than an opponent. He also knew however than Xander was exaxctly the type of wrestler Stetson loathed, as he wasn't a traditional 'rassler'. And while he knew that might just cause the two of them some issues, their pure ability, Xander hoped, should carry them through for the win.

Xander placed a bottle of milk into his basket and took it to the check-out dude. He scanned every item, neatly packing them in some paper bags, making sure the weight in each bag was evened out fairly and distributed properly. Xander smiled, picking the bags up by the handles, and reaching in for his card.

'$19.95, sir.'

'Okay, okay...'

Xander pulled out his wallet and opened it. Shock. Horror. Dismay. Despair.

His bank card wasn't there.

He thought as much a she could about where it was, and as he did his mind jumped back to his apartment...

Talia is scrolling through her phone at Hamilton tickets. All of a sudden, she raises Xanders card from out of nowhere, and smiles.

The look on Xanders face turns to shher panic, and as if by the grace of God, his bags completely ripped, smashing milk all over the floor and bursting several of the Pepsi cans, causing a disgusting shitstorm of liquid all over the shop floor. Xander closed his eyes and took a breath, muttering to himself.

'...oh fuck.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
​

Spoiler: An Explanation/Apology for why this RP is how it is.

Urgh, I hate to do this...


I am so sorry that this is my offering. Mainly to both my partner and my opponents, but to you guys in the fed as a whole. I always like to think I give my best but this week just wasn't possible.

Long story short; I had some really sad news that a lovely person at my place of work died over the weekend. She had been off for some time, and not long before that had stepped up to become one of the main managers after working her way from the ground up. Now, my other half (we work together) was way closer to her than I was and as well as dealing with my own feelings I've been trying to help her through it too and honestly it's just got the better of me. I found out Sunday, when both Sunday and Monday were to be my 'RP days'. I figured I'd still be able to bash something out today (my last couple have been last-minute jobs for whatever reason) but it just hasn't happened as I've been at work all day and the motivation wasn't there. I figured at least I'd type something short and sweet so I don't no-show out of courtesy, but my opponents and partner, and the whole fed for that matter deserve something way better and for that I am truly sorry.

Next round I'll be back to my best.

- BK

 

[Bernkastel]

Kagura gets to her feet just as Callie is soaring upside down above her and spits red mist into her face mid-move! She catches Callie right in the in mid-air! Amazingly, Callie is able to adjust in mid-air and land on her feet, but she is blinded by the mist! She swings wildly, missing pitifully. Kagura wastes no time and grabs her the moment Callie unwittingly turns her back to her and wraps her arms around her neck! Kagura pulls her down to the ground with the sleeper hold and then locks in body scissors! Kagura locks in the Fourth Dance of Toyouke Omikami right in the center of the ring! Callie reaches around in a panic. Mjolnir, her trusty war hammer! It's actually within reach! But Callie doesn't see it! The red mist is still blinding her! Tragically, Callie reaches to the left of the hammer, then to the right, always a mere inch or two away! Finally, Callie's finger tips make contact with the hammer! But it was with her last breath that she finally felt Mjolnir's handle! Her hand goes limp right on top of the war hammer! Elizabeth Prince sees that Callie is out, and immediately calls for the bell!!!

Harrys: The winner of this match, and advancing the finals of the Gold Rush Tournament... Kagura!

She did it. After much frustration, pain, and effort, Kagura had made to the final round of the Gold Rush tournament. The disappointment from last years untimely exit in the second round, following a defeat at the hands of Lynx, simply melted away. It was such a euphoric feeling, and it filled her with so much pride. If her grandfather could have seen her now, maybe he would have reminded her to have some humility. That’s what she was taught to do, as a proper lady. Derrick would have grabbed her, and spun her around before kissing her. He had always admired her talent and ability, and encouraged her to be proud of herself.

Individualism was something about Western culture that Kagura had always admired, but even after living in the States for four years, she still didn’t really have a persona that she could call her own. Sure, she was genuine in the way she acted, but that was the result of her strict upbringing, and the demands of the society that she lived in. She was expected to put the needs of other people first before doing anything for herself. In Japan, it was considered improper to openly flaunt self-expression. At least to the point where a person became completely blinded by pride. Self-infatuation was the key to the downfall of humanity, her father used to say. With everyone only thinking of themselves, how could they possibly care about other people? Those that only cared about their own thoughts and feelings, how could they possibly see into anyone else’s hearts or minds?

That was a conundrum for Kagura right now. On one hand, she could appreciate the struggles of all the other competitors. She went out and competed, and tried her best, but there were some that were simply better than she was. She wasn’t afraid to admit that, but at the same time, she hated to lose. She was so competitive, that it often drove her to make unwise and unhealthy decisions. She became jealous, and envious of others success. She would get caught up in what others would think or say about her, that she would lose herself in the sea of negative criticism. That was shameful behavior too.

It was the following weekend, after leaving New York to go back home to St. Louis for some quick relaxation, before heading back to the Northeast, that Kagura had a conversation with Sasuke about all of this. She had been renting an apartment in the city that wasn’t far from his home. She only stayed there a few times a month, having grown used to living out of hotel rooms and sleeping on other peoples couches. Her advocate had been elated just to see his bed again. Sasuke’s house was their home base, just like it was in the old days when she was a rookie just starting out. Often times they would sit and chat on his back patio, and today Kagura had one thing on her mind.

“Was wrestling fun for you, Sasuke?”

He raised an eyebrow at her sudden question. The older man was lounging in his chair, leaning back with his feet up, with a beer in one hand, and his smartphone in the other.

“That’s a random question, why do you ask?”

“We’ve been talking about that recently, and it’s been on my mind. Is wrestling fun? It pays well, and you get to interact with lots of interesting people, but it’s stressful. There’s so many days when I’ve woken up, and I’ve honestly thought ‘why bother?’ I’m not thinking about retiring; not yet at least, but I want to know what kept you going all those years. You told me that I needed to have more fun.”

He grinned, “Yeah, I did.”

“You beat yourself up more than any opponent, kid. Picking yourself up and trying again is part of the challenge. I did that a lot too. I wasn’t always on the marquee. I had to fight for my spots, just like you. The challenge of trying and competing was fun. Because, at the end of the day, the only person you’re really seeking to impress is yourself.”

Kagura tilted her head, “I don’t understand. What about my fans, Derrick, you, and all the other people that support me, aren’t I fighting for them?”

He scratched his chin, “I suppose so, but support in this industry comes and goes. I’m sure you’ve realized that by now. The only thing that matters at the end of the day, is your own feelings. I know that’s a selfish thing to say, but it’s the truth.”

He took a sip of his beer, as Kagura sighed, and looked up at the sky at a passing cloud. It looked exactly like a title belt. She laughed at the ridiculous cliché of not being able to outrun your desires no matter how far you traveled. The Gold Rush tournament; the end was in sight. All she had to do was win one more time, and she could challenge for the world title. Conquering that mountain one more time, just to see if she could, was all she wanted.

“Look at all the other performers, they’re all ultimately out for themselves because this industry is a dog-eat-dog world. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have friends, or people that you can trust around you. The point is that no one can make you move forward except for yourself. I look around, and I see many people in the same situation as you. Rookies trying to find their footing, and veterans trying to reestablish themselves. Pro wrestling is a constant struggle of being stuck in the mud. You get caught with your wheels spinning, and you try to escape. Sometimes you can find the traction to break free, and sometimes others are willing to pull your ass out, but things might not always be that convenient. You have to be the one moving forward. I had to learn that lesson too. You get injured, you get betrayed, you get blinded by greed and fame, you lose the important people in your life. Ultimately, if you can’t look yourself in the mirror each morning, then wrestling doesn’t become fun anymore. It becomes an obsession.”

“I guess you’re right,” she responded.

“To answer your question, ‘yes.’ Wrestling was fun,” he said. “I could look myself in the mirror after all the choices and decisions that I made, and not want to wrap my car around the nearest utility pole. Even after my divorce. Watching friends deteriorate, and having to bury a few. Losing my daughter. Watching my health decline. I still enjoyed myself. In this industry, it’s the regrets that will destroy you in the end.”

Kagura smiled softly, “Yeah…”

“So, Stetson Hayes and Xander in a tag match next round right?” he asked, changing the subject.

She nodded, “I’m teaming with Garth too. I have a million things to say about him, but until Meltdown he’s the least of my worries. I might be more concerned about him putting his fist through my skull if we lose rather than expecting some kind of cheap shot from Xander; it’s hard to tell from a person like him.”

“Indeed, but that’s a gamble you’re going to have to take,” he said.

“That Hayes, though. What a character he is. Good ol’ country boy, leaving nothing but grits and determination in the ring. What can I say; I like him. Doesn’t seem too bright, though.”

“What do you mean?”

Sasuke downed the rest of his beer, and set it on the table beside him. “Saw him backstage a while back. He was carrying around a petition asking people to end women’s suffrage. Of course, he wanted me to sign it, and he looked at me funny when I laughed in his face. Of course, Callie signed it. Heard her say, ‘women have suffered long enough!’ That one wasn’t too bright either. She had the perfect opportunity to get under your skin by dressing like a shrine maiden last round, but chose to dress up as Thor instead. Gotta admit, I got kinda hard watching you choke her out.”

Kagura shook her head, “That’s way more information than I needed to know.”

He laughed, “Stetson might be undefeated, but he has a weakness of some kind. Everyone does. Find it, and exploit it. Xander doesn’t care about anyone but himself, I’m sure as long as Hayes stays out of his way, they’ll get along, but if Garth is willing to work with you, then you two can take things to the next level.”

“Garth did approach me after my match with Callie,” Kagura said, while musing. “Maybe he has changed.”

---​

The Boston Gardens. There was once a time when WZCW would have completely sold out this arena. There would be fans lined up around the corner for blocks to come. A massive sea of people all clamoring to see the hottest performers in sports entertainment. Now, the top bleachers had to be taped off. Camera tricks hid the empty seats from the eyes of the television audience, but most people knew that the company was struggling.

Kagura arrived about five hours before bell time. She was going to get in one more pre-match warm-up, before taking a shower, and probably a quick power nap. Instead of taking a plane, she and Sasuke had taken the train. America had a pretty shit rail system when it came to passenger services, but riding on the Acela Express down the tail end of its northern route up the Northeast Corridor was a real treat. It reminded her a little bit of home, with memories of riding the Shinkansen. It was a cheaper alternative than flying, and didn’t leave her with the irritating jet lag that she normally got.

Walking into the arena, Kagura immediately made a bee line straight towards the gym. She had a lot of pent up energy that she just had to let loose. While she normally kept a calm demeanor in public, the truth was that on the inside, her emotions were like a raging torrent. As she hopped on the treadmill, she began to jog at a consistent pace. Soon the rhythmic pounding of her feet against the treads was enough to place in in a trance-like state where her mind blanked, and she began zoning out of everything around her. She looked down, having already ran half a mile.

‘Garth Black, huh?’

Kagura thought about her partner this round. She and the former world champion had some bad blood not too long ago, and their paths hadn’t crossed since Kingdom Come. Out of the blue, he had approached her backstage on Meltdown following her match with Callie Clark. She hadn’t known what to think of the bald-headed man with the heavily scarred arms, his blue eyes piercing hers the same way they had done in the weeks leading up to their epic show down at Kingdom Come. Judging her. That’s what she had thought. Kagura knew that she had to be cautious around this man. Still, she shook his hand. She breathed, as her pulse quickened. She pushed on, as her muscles began to burn. She shook the cobwebs from her head, as her mind became clouded with the thoughts of her upcoming match. Could she trust him?

---​

After calisthenics came a light round of sparing with Sasuke. The old man would occasionally grapple with her, if not anything but to keep himself in shape. He had been more of a brawler in his prime, but knew how to work a technical style. Most guys in his era had a running knowledge of amateur wrestling, but Kagura was better than he was. After being flipped onto his back about a dozen times, the retired performer had thrown in the towel.

“Save some of that fire for your opponents,” he said with a grumble in his voice, and a hand on his back.

Kagura watched him half-walk, half-limp over to the benches to grab his water bottle, as she leaned against the ropes, staring out into the training center. Other wrestlers had arrived, and were preparing for the show. There were two full sized rings set up in the training center, and they had reserved one for thirty minutes. Afterwards, Kagura hit the showers and put on her ring gear. One of the benefits of being a female in WZCW was that the women’s locker room was usually empty. Occasionally, Kagura would bump into Callie Clark or Eve Taylor or one of the newbies, but they usually stayed out of one another’s way. They were all self-absorbed people that probably wouldn’t have noticed if the arena caught fire, and people were scrambling for their lives. Xander was definitely that type of person as well, Garth Black used to be that way too. She put emphasis on that word, because she wasn’t quite sure where that man’s head was at nowadays. Kagura finished tying her hair into a ponytail, and adjusted her boots one last time. She stepped out of the locker room, to find Sasuke chatting with one of the stagehands, waiting on her. He nodded to the young man, and took his leave, as the duo began walking towards the main curtain. They had about an hour before the opening bell. The tag match wasn’t going to be until later in the evening, so she had some time to kill.

As the pair walked down a narrow hallway, weaving in between several production crew members, Kagura head a voice calling her name from the side. She turned to see her partner for the evening, Garth Black, leaning up against the wall. He had his arms folded, and his head slightly tilted down, in an attempt not to draw too much attention to himself. He was wearing one of his signature shirts, but with a twist. Flex Mussels name was crossed out this time, instead of one of the usual do-gooders. For years, Kagura had been criticized as being “too nice,” and “too polite.” Garth had seen those traits of hers as a weakness, and tried to exploit them. Kagura would admit that he had gotten under her skin. As a result, she had not been 100% that evening in the Camp Nou arena.

“Kagura, can I have a word?”

She turned towards the taller man, and nodded. She turned her head back to Sasuke, who merely shrugged his shoulders. He spoke about grabbing something to eat, leaving the two former world champions alone to discuss their business.

“I meant what I said, on Meltdown,” he replied, after a brief moment of silence between the two of them.

“Is that right?” Kagura responded in her native tongue. “You’ve changed, Garth. That’s obvious. Was it the loss to Titus at R-Awakening?”

He shook his head, and responded back in English, “Of course not, I’m merely reaping the benefits of hard work and determination, just like you. Even I can’t complain when I see positive results.”

“That Stetson Hayes is going to be a tough challenge, I don’t envy you.”

Garth laughed, “Better him than Xander, I suppose. You’re already one loss down, but I guess you’re used to fighting as the underdog at this point.”

“That was fluke loss,” she scoffed. “Xander’s the type of person that hates himself so much that he’ll always see himself as a loser. That’s why he can’t bear a loss. I lose all the time. It’s been over a year since I’ve won on a PPV. That’s a longer drought than anything you’ve ever experienced.”

Black smirked, not wanting to be quick to argue against that point. Kagura’s ability to bounce back after loss after crushing loss really was an admirable trait.

“You weren’t wrong; what you said to me was true. I do have a lot of pride. It’s atypical of a Japanese woman. Maybe I should feel more shame, but I don’t. I never have. That’s why your words to me all those months ago hurt. I’m a disgrace, because I lose all the time. I repeatedly drop the ball, and I’m never consistent. Despite that, I always rise like a phoenix, and I keep going. It took me some time to finally figure out why I’ve never quit the way Xander has, would you like to know?”

Garth raised an eyebrow, and nodded.

“It’s because pro wrestling is fun,” she replied.

The larger man grinned, and began cackling. What started as a low rumble in the back of his throat, soon escalated into raucous laughter, as his howls filled the hallway.

“It’s fun, huh? I suppose you aren’t wrong. I know I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t get at least some enjoyment out of fighting in the ring all the time.”

“Can I trust you, Black?”

 

[Tastycles]

It hit him like a knife through the heart. Why would she trust him? The words he heard in Japanese were echoing around the space where his soul used to be. This isn't how it was supposed to be. Here before him stood a decent person. They could communicate in a very strange way. Barcelona may have brought him some professional respect, but the unprofessional conduct was still there.

Kagura was a decent person, and probably always had been. He found that easy to see now, but she wasn't and never had been any different from this a couple of months ago. Black had lost his way, and to an extent Kagura had too. Maybe he saw some of himself when he looked into her eyes. It hit him that this was a kindred spirit. Maybe that's why she'd upset him so much.

Two unlikely former world Champions, stood at an impasse. Less than a second had passed but in Black's mind it was an eternity. He struggled to fight back the feeling in his throat.

By now the blood was flowing, his mind had started going and the places that it took him had scared him before. Kagura stood in silence, which he took as violence and now he was livid at her and her silent claw. How dare she not trust him, he was pure, of that he was sure, and sick of the distrust he had to endure. How dare she question, how dare she ask, all he was doing was on the task.

You're the problem, I'm the solution, here to take WZCW to abloution. I'm building bridges and breaking down walls, you're distrust is decked on the halls - it's supposed to be December, time for joy but your lack of faith really annoys.

Black sank deeper and deeper, how could he keep her in his corner for the match or on the outside to catch or to hit the right patch when it was clear she didn't have faith. His eyes were twitching, his ears were itching and there was trouble brewing in his mind's kitchen. He clenched his fist in a sickening twist and was ready to recoil, when a wave came crashing, a real whiplashing and brought him to a simmer from the boil.

As ever, Black was disappointed in himself. Kagura was not the enemy. He'd shown last week when he beat the champion that the Champion should respect. He appreciated more than ever that Hayes was not going to command respect in the division, so stopping him was essential. Kagura was a good partner, and he was one of the only people that understood her. Both on a metaphorical spiritual level, and a literal lingual level.

This was his first chance to get his hands on Hayes in a match, and Kagura had her issues with Xander. Black saw that there was only one credible person in this match, other than himself and they were in his corner. Nothing about Kagura's actions to this point in time suggested he couldn't trust her and nothing about Black's actions until two weeks ago suggested she could trust him.

He may have been true to himself, but to nobody else. He may have been honest with himself, but... well he probably hadn't been honest with himself.

"I probably deserve that, but it won't be that way"

Kagura looked at him, potentially more satisfied with his response, but still with an air of trepidation. It was a fair reaction. The two champions stood once more in silence, the landscape of the conversation playing out in front of them and behind them, but here they stood admiring the vista. Two chess players before a setting sun. The air was clearing, but there was something tearing at Black.

He felt his face getting more red, as the thoughts in his head turned from peace to war. His blood ran colder, his darkness grew bolder and he started to turn on all he saw. Who was this girl, from the other side of the world, making me feel like a stranger at home. I should spit back, give her a crack and take on the threat of the losers alone.

But would that be crazy, am I just being lazy or is it really easier to hate than to love. I feel like a fool, with a dash of being cruel sick of the answers I'm getting from above. Got to calm down, smile to a frown, take off the trenchcoat for a dressing gown.

He agreed with her, so why was this situation still not sitting right with him. It was then he realised. He wasn't angry with Kagura. He wasn't even particularly angry with himself. He was guilty. There was a legitimacy to some of his gripes, there always had been, but he was at least starting to see the bigger picture now.

He didn't need to kick off that he wasn't in the WZCW title picture because he beat Flex Mussel last week, his time would come in time. He could be proud of the victory and he could move on. With that in mind, it was very clear what he needed to do - and so with his tail between his legs he started to talk to Kagura.

I never apologised to you for how I treated you and your country. When I had nowhere to go, Japan took me in. We have had a lot of history but that must be water under the bridge now. You deserve better than the treatment I gave you and I have no explanation for it. You are a fantastic competitor and a much better person than Xander. I will be the next Eurasian Champion, and I owe the chance to be the first challenger.

That will come, but for now there's only one thing I can say to you.

He switched to Japanese.

I am sorry.

 

[Spidey Revivey]

This Is Rasslin
Show Date: 12/11/18
S1 - Ep. 06: Put Yer Dick Beaters Up!
Only On The WZCW Network​

The Minutemen pivoted and wheeled the standing camera around the makeshift stage. It glided passed the dark curtain background to the two men - Stetson Hayes in full Texan regalia, and Xander Knight in a black suit. Xander stared at the setup while Hayes reached down where a cooler sat.

Stetson: Ah don't mind what they're doin'. Minutemen are trying something new for the network. So you're that Xander fella I keep hearing about. Howdy. You want a beer?

Xander grimaced.

Xander: ...do you know anything about me?

Stetson: You prefer imported?

Instant Laugh Track

Xander: The fuck was that? Where did it even come from?

Stetson: ...well?

Xander: No. I uh don't drink. Do you have Pepsi?

Stetson: ..do you know anything about me?

Xander: You like Coke?

Stetson: Does Hillary have cockeyed nipples?

Instant Laugh Track #2

Xander: I...do not know.

The superstar paced in disbelief.

Xander: Is this some sort of joke? Tell me this isn't the same guy that made Eve Taylor tap. He cannot possibly be a Eurasian Tournament Finalist. Who put you guys up to this? Was it Cohen? Please tell me it's Cohen.

The cowboy glanced down at the can in his hand, thought better of it and placed it back in the cooler.

Stetson: Ain't got Pepsi and I ain't got Coke. I do have some ice. Would you like a cup of that?

Xander: I'm good. I'm happy you asked me to meet you here but I still have no idea why or even where I am.

Stetson: You're where they film a little regional federation called "Big City Wrestling". We're borrowing their props and tech equipment to try and return to our roots. In order to beat the big stars of WZCW like former World Champ Kagura and former World Champ Garth Brooks, we gotta remember where we came from!

Xander: I was never in an indy fed.

Stetson: ...?

Xander: I came out of a WZCW training facility and worked my way to television. What made you think I was an independent wrestler?

Instant Womp Womp Womp

Stetson: I..may have assumed given yer abilities.

Xander stormed off of the small stage and headed for the door.

Xander: This isn't working out. I mean no disrespect, but you're not what I was expecting. And these weird laugh tracks and low rent toys? This isn't me. From what I was told, this isn't you either.

Stetson Hayes looked at his partner and thought it over.

Stetson: You know what? You're right. I got excited hearin' I was gonna tag up with someone who could make his opponents tap out like I do and I got carried away. I'm quite fond of the tappin'. Let's go somewhere we can be boys. No gimmicks. No cartoon adventure. Just you, me, and a mutual respect for an individual's rights as an American citizen.



A Casino
It's Close To The Meltdown 177 Arena
Two Days Before The Match

Stetson: Bet on Red. Never Black.

Xander placed money down on the roulette wheel and doubled his earnings. Shocked, he gazed over at his partner in his giant white cowboy hat. He nodded knowingly, and left for the Blackjack table.

Stetson: Hey Angie, we got a walking checkbook. Deal me in and we'll split the pot when we get to my truck.

Angie: Oh Jesus South, I ain't running the cards for you again. You're not even supposed to be here!

Stetson: SHHH pipe down! I'll get you tickets to see Garth Brooks if ya do. Here he comes.

Xander: Hey deal me in! Always wanted to play cards with a country boy.

Stetson: Wish I could say it's yer lucky day, but you're playin' a man who's played 'em all. Deal me in too, ma'am.

Angie: King face up for the cowboy. 2 of Hearts for the attractive one. Dealer holds 19.

Xander glances at her name tag.

Xander: I'll raise 20 dollars. Hit me, Miss Angela.

Angie: Jack brings you to 12 showing.

Xander: I'll stay.

Stetson: I'll raise another 20. Hit me, you sexy little minx.

Xander sat baffled at the sexual harassment spewing from Stetson's lips. But he kept quiet and put the money in the pot.

Angie: 3 makes showing 13.

Stetson: I said hit me, baby, not pat my fuckin' hand here. Raise. Gimme another card.

Angie: A 4 makes 17 showing.

Stetson: Stick. Show 'em!

Xander revealed an 8 of Clubs, which brought his count to 20. Stetson showed the hidden 4 of Diamonds, his total 21, Blackjack.

Xander: Wow good game. Another?

The game continued up until the point that Xander was broke, miserable, and expecting foul play. Seeing tag team partner down in the dumps, Stetson pushed his earnings over to him.

Stetson: Eh didn't feel right taking advantage of ya anyways.

Xander: ...how did you do it?

Angie: I'm his ex-wife.

Xander: What the fuck!

The South stood still with his arms folded.

Stetson: Nice guy. Little uptight but he's doing his best. Gimme a few more days with him and we'll be bigger than Saxoteur.

Xander: This whole evening is freaking ridiculous.

Xander sat alone near an elderly couple shooting dice. Angela Hayes came over and took a chair.

Angie: I see you've met my ex-husband. Tag partner material or what?

Xander: Honestly I - w-what the hell is he doing now?

Angela: Oh that's his alone time with The Minutemen. Each episode they broadcast he does a spiel about his opponents and what makes them not as good as him. He thinks they watch it on the WZCW Network. Nobody has the heart to tell him they load each season at a time. His opponents would have moved on from him about two months or so of airing.

Xander: I gotta listen to this...



Stetson: ...I'M BRINGIN' YER HEATHEN GODS DOWN TO MY LEVEL!

Xander: Oh. Oh no.

Stetson: Each and every one of them gonna feel their legs criss-cross and then they gonna get mad. They gonna get right angry because they feel ya collapse on the ground by one of them Westerners they warned your people about. They're gonna say "Here goes the colonizer and his deception again..." And ya know what? They'll be right! But you can't hear them shout out to ya from the heavens cuz ya ain't the shaman your ancestors were. Not yer fault. You're preoccupied. Your leg is hurtin' something awful. If I was in your position, I wouldn't hear God himself if he had a megaphone. Only thing on my mind would be fuckshitgodhelpme. But like you, I ain't as pious as I'd like to be. He ain't comin'. Neither are your kami. But one thing fer sure is, Kagura. A bell. And it will ring from the one true religion, a rasslin match, and it will be struck by a mortal man confirming the match to be over.

The redneck gives a hearty laugh and flips The King of Spades between his fingers.

Stetson: And I ain't even started with you, Garth Brooks! You call your music country...I'll be a sonovabitch listening to that arena shitfest you wannabee popstar. It is my dying wish to see myself snap yer goddamn leg in half on that Youtube Rewind them kids do each end of the year. Hope they set it to whatever trapwave dental noises they like nowadays just so I can say in complete confidence it's still better than your sellout asinine bullshit you pretender! Your leg will roll and I will strike you lousy bald megalomaniac ugly goatee havin'....