Domestic football - spam version

[Loveless]

Hi! I'm new to soccer and want to subscribe to this thread for reasons. Can someone give me a general list of things I need to know? Like, umm, when does the regular season start and the like? Team/club nicknames, rivalries, etc. I'm Texan/American, so bear with me.

Oh, cut my veins and I bleed blue...

League Map
As a general rule, it's all about local rivalry but Wigan would be something of an exception on that map. The 2 Manchester and 2 Liverpool clubs are too concerned with each other to care much about Wigan.
The new season starts on August 18th, a bit later than normal because of the Olympics.

 

[Lee]

They put the South Korea flag up instead of the North Korean one

 

[Loveless]

Yep, 2 days before the Olympics even officially begins. That takes an outstanding commitment to fucking up.

 

[Tha Wolfpac]

Chelsea completed the signing of brazilian up and comer, Oscar. A very promising signing by the Blues. Do Matteo is splashing th cash this season and really rebuilding Chelsea with new exciting talent. Both Hazard brothers also look very dangerous. Wouldn't rule out Chelsea being a major threat as opposed to previous lacklustre seasons in the EPL.

 

[Tastycles]

If the younger Hazard ever kicks a ball in a competitve Chelsea match, I will be very surprised.

 

[MCMG]

Thought the younger Hazard is better than Eden.

 

[a0161613]

Not likely.

 

[Tastycles]

Well he's played 11 games in Ligue 2, which is basically the same as the Champions League.

Also, c'mon the Japan!

 

[¡Roján!]

So, like, did anyone check who won the fantasy football thing we had going last year?

 

[¡Roján!]

New Zealand vs. Egypt in the Olympic Football was an absolute beast of a match.

 

[Alastor]

Spain is out of Olympics. Guess Xavi and Iniesta really are the heart and soul of those winning teams.

 

[¡Roján!]

 

[Ming]

What's all this nonsense I'm constantly hearing about Chelsea needing a striker? The squad is a right-back away from being perfect.

Who do you guys think is going to win the Bal'On Dor?

 

[Tastycles]

Current Chelsea strikers: Fernando Torres, Daniel Sturridge, Romelu Lukaku.
Combined Premier League goals last season: 17

Current Manchester City strikers: Edin Dzeko, Carlos Tevez, Mario Balotelli, Sergio Aguero
Combined Premier League goals last season: 51

Current Manchester United strikers: Danny Welbeck, Dimitar Berbatov, Wayne Rooney, Javier Hernandez
Combined Premier League goals last season: 53

Could be why.

 

[Alastor]

Who do you guys think is going to win the Bal'On Dor?

Ronaldo won the league against Barcelona and starred in the Euros. Messi was the 2nd player ever to score more than 70 goals in the top flight in a season. Not much to choose between these two but the prize will probably go to Ronaldo to avoid the title being a joke with Messi winning every year. Or they can bottle it and give it to Inesita for being the best player at the Euros.

 

[Miko]

Should be Xavi, Scholes actually, but it always seems to go to an attacking player these days. So Ronaldo.

 

[Ming]

Current Chelsea strikers: Fernando Torres, Daniel Sturridge, Romelu Lukaku.
Combined Premier League goals last season: 17

Current Manchester City strikers: Edin Dzeko, Carlos Tevez, Mario Balotelli, Sergio Aguero
Combined Premier League goals last season: 51

Current Manchester United strikers: Danny Welbeck, Dimitar Berbatov, Wayne Rooney, Javier Hernandez
Combined Premier League goals last season: 53

Could be why.

With Drogba gone, it's Torres' time to shine.

Berbatov and Dzeko look like they'll be leaving anyway so Utd and City won't be overloaded with strikers.

 

[¡Roján!]

Chelsea are nowhere near a perfect team, blud. Cech's flimsy arms can confirm that.

 

[a0161613]

Yeah Chelsea are massively flawed.

 

[MCMG]

Ronaldo should win the Ballon Dor. He deserves it for his form in the league, champions league and the Euros. If Xavi or iniesta are in the top three I will cry a little. 1st Ronaldo 2nd Messi 3rd RVP.

 

[Loveless]

Ronaldo should win the Ballon Dor. He deserves it for his form in the league, champions league and the Euros.

Possibly, the problem is that he's a cunt.

 

[Ming]

Chelsea are nowhere near a perfect team, blud. Cech's flimsy arms can confirm that.

Yeah Chelsea are massively flawed.

Please explain yourselves gentlemen.

Chelsea could do with a right winger too perhaps but other than that Chelsea are fine and set for a top three finish next year.

 

[Ming]

As for the Bal'On Dor, Messi should win it.

This was his best season yet and he won it the last two years so why shouldn't he win it this year? Ronaldo's not really improved and is still nowhere near outshining Messi.

 

[Барбоса]

Chelsea could probably do with another full back, a winger and one, perhaps two, strikers.

Torres is so mentally fragile now that he cannot be expected to shoulder the goal-scoring burden. Lukaku is unproven and Sturridge is dominated by delusions of his own grandeur.

 

[¡Roján!]

Please explain yourselves gentlemen.

Chelsea could do with a right winger too perhaps but other than that Chelsea are fine and set for a top three finish next year.

How to rebuild Chelsea.

A new goalkeeper is a must as Cech has become so unreliable it's sickening.

A right back, like you said, is needed.

A sturdy Vidic/Vermaelen/Kompany like figure in defence to cover whimsical Terry and to try and ease the big bad wolf out the game would come in handy too

A holding midfielder as Mikel can go fuck himself and the likes of Meireles and Essien are either always injured or are mistake prone.

In attack, Chelsea need an in and out striker who can grab them tap ins, and Torres plays as a centreback half the time so there goes that theory.

And finally, Chelsea really should hold on to Benayoun as he really could be a useful assett for when Mata gets injured.

But, you know, you guys have Paulo Ferreira so I'll see myself out.