Does Avoidable Tragedy Merit Sympathy?

[Cena's Little Helper]

This is a thread about the recent death of Adrian Peterson's two-year-old son. Since I have no doubt that this thread is going to elicit some strong emotional responses from some people, I want to make two points very clear right now. One, regardless of the circumstances, the death of an innocent child is ALWAYS a tragedy. The sympathy I refer to in the thread title refers to that currently being given to Peterson and the mother of his late son, not to the child. Like everyone else, I am very aware that someone's right to live, learn, love, and find purpose has been callously taken away from him, and that is an unequivocal loss to the world. Two, I want to engage people in a rational discussion, hopefully to find reasoned answers to the question I pose. If you think I'm a horrible person for what I say in this post, find some other to tell me than to spam my thread with your moralizing, please and thank you. All right, let's get down to brass tacks:

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As many of you know by now, Adrian Peterson's 2-year-old son recently died after being severely beaten/shaken by the boyfriend of the child's mother. However, as many previously thought, this is not the 2-year-old son (Adrian Jr.) that Peterson is frequently photographed with, but is rather a son that resulted from a casual encounter he had with a woman a few years ago. According to reports, Peterson only found out about this child a couple of months ago after a man whom the child's mother thought was the child's father passed a paternity test. Upon finding out that the child was his, these reports say that Peterson intended to visit the child for the first time later this month but came to see him for the first time within the past couple of days due to his hospitalization (I'm skeptical of these facts here regarding Peterson, but that's neither here no there).

Now, one more thing must be mentioned here regarding Joseph Patterson, the man charged with maliciously beating Peterson's son: not only does he have a "serious history" of domestic violence, but, in June 2012, he was found guilty of charges relating to the abuse of his ex-girlfriend's three-year-old son; it is alleged that he beat this child so badly that his mother had to ice down his welts.

Given all of this information, fellow WZers, here is my main question: should we at all sympathize with the mother of Adrian Peterson's deceased son? Unfortunately, although I'd like to question the sympathy given to Peterson, I can't since his PR team has done a hell of a job obscuring the facts regarding the knowledge he had of this child. But, let's think about the mother here for one second: there are only two possible scenarios for her regarding her leaving her son alone with Patterson. Either she left her son with a man that she had only known for less than four months, or she left her son with a man that she had known longer but whom she had to know had been found guilty in relation to a very heinous crime.

Whatever the case, I have no sympathy for this woman whatsoever. She is either extremely stupid, extremely self-absorbed, or both. I cannot feel for someone whom I believe to be incapable of caring for another human being.

Do you agree or disagree with what I've said? I look forward to your responses.

 

[LSN80]

Truthfully? My head wants me to agree with you here. Perhaps I'm not as bright as I like to think, because my heart is overruling the rest here.

But to start, some issues raise some major questions. I question the labeling of the child as a "love child" if it's also a two year old boy, one that Adrian had never met until less than a week ago. When I think of a "love child", I think of one my wife of 5 years and I would bequeath, or Tdigle and his wife would theirs. Already married, deciding the time was right to have children, and mutually so. Not a night of lust-filled drunken passion between two people that have never met before. How in God's name is that a love child?

It's an emotional thing for me to read, and my heart goes out to both Adrian and Ashley. Adrian because he found out about his child recently, was planning a trip to meet him, and instead, he meets his son under these circumstances? How would you feel, given the situation? The (likely) overjoyed feeling that he had a son only for that to turn to anguish instead? He made no choices here. He didn't know(supposedly) that he had another son, and he didn't choose for the child he'd never met to be left with an abusive man? All I need do is look inside myself, know the torment I myself would feel, and that's how I picture both mom and dad feeling.

So, to say it simply, of course I have sympathy for the woman. Its a very real possibility that this boy was the only family she currently knew. Otherwise, why would she have this man watch him? It was an awful choice, yes. It's one she'll be beating herself up for for the rest of her life. Depending on what she knew, there's a possibility she could go to jail for negligent manslaughter, felony at it's worst. Everyone who knows her is going to distance from her, as she's now the "woman who mothered 'All Day AP's' child and left him to die.' However, unless she left the child with the dude, hoping for the worst(which hasn't been indicated at all), then she's likely just an unintelligent woman.

She had a kid with one of the top played players in the league and waited two years to inform him. She could have gotten a hefty amount of cash, and she didn't. It's probably because she's not very smart. Either that, or she didn't want help from a man who just banged with her, and left.

I've no doubt she loved her son, and she's grieving, both for herself, and for her son as well. She cared for the boy for two years with no reported incidents. This was an isolated incident, a tragic one that cost her a son. But we've no pattern to suggest she's incapable of caring for her son.

She just wanted a night off, and picked the worst possible babysitter alive.

In short, I have both sympathy and empathy for her. I don't want to, but I can't help wondering what I'd want if I was her. That alone allows me to feel much for her, and I've never met her.

 

[HBsam31]

I had to think about this one for a a little while. I don't want to sound like a barbarian, but not only do I agree with you, I think she should face charges as well. Some people just aren't meant to be parents, and they need to realize that before it happens. I have pretty radical thoughts on the way people have kids that they have no business having. Not getting into that now though. I have a two year old myself, and my wife and I still get a little nervous when she stays with our parents. WITH OUR PARENTS. Who in their right mind would leave their child alone with someone the hardly even knew let alone a man that has been convicted of being kids before? Someone that belongs in custody that who. I am curious to see if anyone tries to defend this woman. I just can't and won't have sympathy for a woman that puts her child in that position. It is a horrible horrible thing that he died, and in such a brutal way, but I am sorry it was partially the mother's own fault.

 

[Nate DaMac]

I knew something was afoot here. There's no way that he would have been able to play had he actually had a father/son relationship with this kid. I put myself in his shoes and I don't think I'd be able to physically move if something ever happened to one of my kids. I can't imagine that are many other parents who feel any differently.

I certainly have sympathy for AP, but I'll admit it's lessened a bit now. As much as it would hurt to lose a child before you get to meet them (been there too) it's a completely different kind of hurt to lose someone who is literally everything to you.

As for the mom, I struggle to feel much sympathy for her. I can't put myself in her shoes because I would never do what she did. I suppose I can empathise with her grief, but... I don't know. To me, she's just as much to blame for his death as the peiee of garbage who actually did it.

 

[Slash-LN]

We don't even know that she knew the guy's history. Terrible people like that don't usually bring up their faults. The article in the third link even suggests she may not have known. For all we know he may have been fine around her and her son so she wouldn't suspect anything.
In the OP it says Patterson "beat the child so badly the mother had to ice his welts" but the story spanked him so hard that the mother had to ice welts. Even though it isn't much of a difference there is a difference. To me saying someone beat a child implies that they were using a fist and punching the child or something along those lines. Don't get me wrong though I think both are definitely bad. I'm not a fan of spanking at all especially to that extent.

So not knowing all the facts and if she in fact even knew that this guy has a history of violence I'll say I have sympathy for her. Like Raylan said she had the kid for two years and as far as any of us know she never had an issue with him being beaten before.

 

[#tamale]

Either she left her son with a man that she had only known for less than four months, or she left her son with a man that she had known longer but whom she had to know had been found guilty in relation to a very heinous crime.

Whatever the case, I have no sympathy for this woman whatsoever. She is either extremely stupid, extremely self-absorbed, or both. I cannot feel for someone whom I believe to be incapable of caring for another human being.

What do we know about her situation? Is she a currently employed single mother? Was she out working or was she out shopping? Does she have a family member or close friend she can trust to take care of her child or is she alone? Did she have a matter to attend to and had no one else she could drop her son off with? I have not seen any information about her situation at the moment revealed.

There's too many questions unanswered for me to immediately assume there is blame on her in this tragedy. I will feel sympathy for her because the loss of your child is definitely a huge emotional loss. However, if it turns out that her negligence was because of something selfish or the like, than she will tried accordingly.

Unfortunately, although I'd like to question the sympathy given to Peterson, I can't since his PR team has done a hell of a job obscuring the facts regarding the knowledge he had of this child.

This is the first time I have ever heard or read anything about Peterson's personal life as an adult. That PR team is damn good.

EDIT: They had this guy convicted on not one, but several counts of assault of an ex-girlfriend and her son and sentenced to prison for a year but it was suspended on the condition he attend domestic violence counseling. How much blame should we assess on the criminal justice system in this case?

 

[Mustang Sally]

Unfortunately, although I'd like to question the sympathy given to Peterson, I can't since his PR team has done a hell of a job obscuring the facts regarding the knowledge he had of this child.

And of heaven knows how many other children who might be living in a one-parent household that were fathered by the great running back. Many of these professional athletes spread their "love" around pretty well, don't you think? Of course, that doesn't excuse all the women who participated in these one-nighters. The ones who get pregnant either wanted a one-on-one with a famous sports figure or are looking for a nice child support check for messing around with a celebrity. The child is shorted by growing up without a father present, but that's so in a lot of cases today.

Sympathy for the Mother? Sure, if you want. After all, showing sympathy for total strangers you read about in the news must be considered a virtue; why else would someone bother aching with sorrow if the person involved means nothing to you? If I need to feel sympathy, I'll save all of it for the poor kid.....who had no voice, no choice.

This Mother lost her child; that's awful, of course. Whether she could have taken into account the history of the guy with whom she left her kid is subject to as much debate as you'd like. Family court judges are always telling the stories of women who were aware their prospective mates had been in jail, didn't like working for a living.....and were already in trouble for back child support with another woman.....yet still, the first woman decided: "This is the guy for me!" Then, we he turns out to be no good, the woman claims she had no way of knowing..

So, this woman left her son with this guy and the child is now dead. It's possible to feel bad about the whole situation without wrenching your heart too much for the mother who apparently should have known better.

And Adrian Peterson? He let his PR people issue the appropriate statements, allowing him to express the proper sorrow, yet miss no game time over a kid he never knew existed and a woman he might (or might not) have even remembered if they met face to face.

 

[Poop Master Flex]

I got zero sympathy for that woman. It's a terrible thing to say but its true. The fact of the matter is she put her kid in danger when she didn't have to and as a result her 2 year old child is dead. You could argue the mother didn't know what kind of person her boyfriend was but at the same time if he has only been around for a few months then its stupid of her to leave the kid alone with a man she hardly knows, simple as that.

You got to protect your child no matter what, that is a big part of a parents duty (you think I would leave my 1 year old with someone I hardly knew, or someone who has a history of violence? Not a chance!) and she didn't do her duty. She didn't deserve to have a kid, she was incapable of raising the kid and the moms negligence is really what lead to this horrible tragedy. You NEVER put your child in an environment like that, EVER!