Child Punishment

[smizzy]

By now, most of you have at least heard about Minnesota Vikings star, Adrian Peterson, being indicted on a felony count of reckless or negligent injury to a child. Peterson whipped his four year old son (I really am not sure what he used to whip him with if someone can help me out here) and left bruises and wounds on him. Peterson admits he went over the line, but claims he would never intend on injuring his child, and that this form of punishment is just a part of the way he was brought up.

My parents did in fact spank my sister and I when we were children and I'm sure many of you received several swats yourselves. Never once have I felt endangered or seriously threatened by them. When I received a swat to the ass, I had done something that was stupid or intolerable. A swift spank on the ass was my worst nightmare and the prospect of one was usually enough to prevent me from committing an act that my parents didn't want me to commit. Again, my parents believed in merely spanking my sister and I, the furthest it ever went was a lick or two from a leather belt. I was never physically harmed by these whippings or traumatized.

Where do we all stand on child punishment? Is it okay to spank or whip a child?

I believe it is okay to spank a child. It's an undesirable punishment for a child and if done effectively, as exemplified by my mother and father, will not actually harm the kid; just scare them out of wanting to do said action again. I believe this method is more productive than many methods used by 'anti-spanking' parents. Not to say that every 'anti-spanking' parent is incapable of punishing their children effectively.

If you are against spanking, what methods do you believe are more effective/appropriate.

 

[Poop Master Flex]

All in all I don't think its a big issue if one spanks their kid, I would argue it's not alright to whip a kid with a switch or belt but a swat on the behind with your hand isn't much of an issue. The reason I say a hand is alright because you have much more control over it and you don't want to go overboard and injure/hurt the kid, you just want to let the kid know what they are doing is wrong and its a lot easier to lose control of a belt than ones hand.

I would also say spanking shouldn't be a go to response but a last resort. At this point I haven't had to resort to spanking with my kids, usually a stern voice does the trick but if that fails I'm certainly not against spanking if it works. I got spanked as a kid and no bad came from it that I can see, I know its a big No-No in today's society but I don't think it should be. Ultimately a grown up should know the line between spanking and abuse, just don't cross the line, don't leave bruises/scratches and if the kid can't sit down that night, you've went too far.

 

[CyberPunk]

I've received my fare share of spanking back in the day. I'd receive a slap or two for my stupidity and sometimes even a cricket bat would come into play. However, my parents would always be there to comfort me afterwards. When I see myself today, I can attest that it all has turned out to be good after all. Should a parent spank his/her kids? Why not? If the kid has done something to deserve it, absolutely. But it should never get to a point where your kid starts feeling unsafe at home. The right mix of spanking and love could go a long way in building up a child.

I see a lot of parents who get very uncomfortable at even thought of spanking there children. Is it necessary? I don't think so. As the above poster said, it should be the last resort and should never come to hurting your child permanently. One of my friends had his leg fractured due to his father's 'brutal' assault when he was 10 which prevented him from taking part in any kind of sports from then on. To this date, he somewhat hates his father for that. That's unjustified beating. Extreme of anything is bad. Same in this case.

 

[Slash-LN]

I don't think a swat on the butt with your hand is a big deal. I myself don't have a kid but I live in a house with one. My sister gives him a swat here and there when he's being extra bad and threats of television or video games being taken away from him isn't working.

In the Peterson case from what I've read he used a switch (a stick of a tree branch for those who may not know the term) and left bruises and lacerations on the child in question. If that is in fact true then that's going too far. Especially with a four year old. Just because Adrian had it done to him that doesn't make it right to carry on that "tradition". He's an adult. He knows right from wrong and knows when he's gone too far.

I can't say I got spanked more than once or twice that I remember. I was also a pretty good kid as far as my mom knew at the time. Really I don't remember my mom punishing me much at all. She may have tried to ground me once or twice but that didn't really last long I'm sure.

 

[The Butcher]

I was a precocious, mischievous little scamp, and as such my parents (and grandmother one time) administered corporal punishment when I pushed things too far. I have good folks who'd usually resort to taking away privileges like tv/computer time, toys, video games, etc. or just plain grounding me. Spanking was a last resort, and it would be for me too. Frankly as I got older a spanking was preferable to being grounded or losing my stuff. It may come across as cliche, but the worst was when they were really disappointed in me. A guilty conscience lasts longer than sore butt cheeks.

I'm fine with spanking. It's a proven method. Mankind has come as far as it has thanks in part to the ass whoopin'. Not all kids need it, and just to echo the point, it should be a last resort. The thing is, there's got to be love there. It hurt my parents to hit me. They'd apologize after time passed. There's a balance of discipline and love that has to be present in a family, and it needs to be a family. No doubt there are amazing single parents out there who can handle the load, but in my experience, dad can't nurture like mom, and mom can't strike the fear of God into an adolescent boy quite like dad can. Adrian Peterson and men with a number of baby mamas and/or only see their kids once every so often should evaluate themselves before they make any decisions based off of how they were raised, because somebody fucked up somewhere.

 

[Slash-LN]

I was a precocious, mischievous little scamp, and as such my parents (and grandmother one time) administered corporal punishment when I pushed things too far. I have good folks who'd usually resort to taking away privileges like tv/computer time, toys, video games, etc. or just plain grounding me. Spanking was a last resort, and it would be for me too. Frankly as I got older a spanking was preferable to being grounded or losing my stuff. It may come across as cliche, but the worst was when they were really disappointed in me. A guilty conscience lasts longer than sore butt cheeks.

I'm fine with spanking. It's a proven method. Mankind has come as far as it has thanks in part to the ass whoopin'. Not all kids need it, and just to echo the point, it should be a last resort. The thing is, there's got to be love there. It hurt my parents to hit me. They'd apologize after time passed. There's a balance of discipline and love that has to be present in a family, and it needs to be a family. No doubt there are amazing single parents out there who can handle the load, but in my experience, dad can't nurture like mom, and mom can't strike the fear of God into an adolescent boy quite like dad can. Adrian Peterson and men with a number of baby mamas and/or only see their kids once every so often should evaluate themselves before they make any decisions based off of how they were raised, because somebody fucked up somewhere.

Butcher I know this is a serious post and I don't want to make light of it at all but it makes me think of the Simpsons episode where Homer won't let Bart go see Itchy and Scratchy and part drops his shorts to try to get Homer to spank him instead and Homer tells him not to point that thing at him.


I want to touch on the bold part though. Because I think it's a really great point. There's a difference between spanking a kid as a last resort and spanking a kid because you can.

With my nephew that I mentioned in my earlier post it's usually just a whack or two on the butt with an open hand. No belt or anything.

I know there's people out there who are glad they were spanked as kids. Those are probably the ones who were spanked with love as you said. They understood why they were being spanked and when everyone calmed down there's a likelihood that there was a conversation to explain what the child did wrong. Those people probably learned to respect their parents rather than fear them. And that's what the ultimate difference is.

Respect is going to make you want to change.
Fear is going to make you want to figure out how not to get caught next time.

 

[The Butcher]

Butcher I know this is a serious post and I don't want to make light of it at all but it makes me think of the Simpsons episode where Homer won't let Bart go see Itchy and Scratchy and part drops his shorts to try to get Homer to spank him instead and Homer tells him not to point that thing at him.

No harm done at all. It's a great reference that illustrates my point. One of the reasons why The Simpsons became the juggernaut it did is because of poignant, incisive episodes like that one. Comedy makes the insight go down smooth. That's very much a case of "it's funny because it's true." I'm sure most can relate. For me, having my SNES taken for an indeterminate amount of time or being stuck in the house while my buddies were out playing paintball was water torture in comparison to getting smacked with my mom's flip-flop.

 

[WBL]

I, personally, don't see the point of spanking. Study after study has shown it that it doesn't work, that it simply makes the child more fearful of the parent than the act they're trying to discourage from. I was spanked when I was younger... hell, I was downright slapped across the mouth. And I didn't learn shit from it. But I did learn when my parents sat me down and explained why certain things were bad. And most importantly, I learned from my mother's example as a person. Do as I say, not as I do, is the only form of parenting less effective than spanking.

 

[Trill Co$by]

I, personally, don't see the point of spanking. Study after study has shown it that it doesn't work, that it simply makes the child more fearful of the parent than the act they're trying to discourage from. I was spanked when I was younger... hell, I was downright slapped across the mouth. And I didn't learn shit from it. But I did learn when my parents sat me down and explained why certain things were bad. And most importantly, I learned from my mother's example as a person. Do as I say, not as I do, is the only form of parenting less effective than spanking.

And I suppose you say grounding them works? How? By giving them more time to think of how to do what they did another way so they don't get caught? Or excluding them from their friends, making their social life weird and awkward?

Besides, pain is the best way to register your mind. We, as humans, learn through pain more than anything be it physical or emotional. When you're a baby and touch a hot surface, you learn not to do it again because of the pain. When you get a whooping for taking a 10 dollar bill out of your mother's purse, you remember not to take money because of the pain.

 

[WBL]

And I suppose you say grounding them works? How? By giving them more time to think of how to do what they did another way so they don't get caught? Or excluding them from their friends, making their social life weird and awkward?

Besides, pain is the best way to register your mind. We, as humans, learn through pain more than anything be it physical or emotional. When you're a baby and touch a hot surface, you learn not to do it again because of the pain. When you get a whooping for taking a 10 dollar bill out of your mother's purse, you remember not to take money because of the pain.

The first part of your answer seriously makes me wonder how old you are, because that's exactly the kind of reply I'd expect from someone who is currently, or just came off of, a grounding. Especially since the "making social live awkward and weird" line makes it sound like any given grounding lasts forever. I'd kind of like to know your age, it would help put this into context.

Pain is not the best way to register ideas. Absolutely not. Pain only teaches a child that the parent is bigger and stronger than them and can inflict physical abuse on them whenever they want. The only real thing hitting a child always intones to them is to hit their own children when they grow up. It's a vicious cycle that needs to be cut off early.

You don't learn about not taking money after 'catching a whuppin'. You just learn not to get caught. It doesn't fix the underlying behavior, it just draws children into either being sneakier or more violent.

When you're a baby, you don't have the mental cognizance to make the intelligent choices you have to make later. Comparing a baby touching a stove to a teenager stealing money is silly in and of itself. The baby has no motivation to touch the stove, it's a genuine accident if it does, and dangerous parenting at that, as opposed to the factors of greed or peer pressure that might drive the other. They're two completely different inflections.

Who leaves their baby on a counter next to an active stovetop anyways? That situation shouldn't even logically be possible.

 

[Freddy4190]

There's a difference between disciplining your kids, and beating your kids. A lot of parents don't seem to grasp that and why they can't, is beyond me. I was whooped as a kid. Belts, switches, flip-flops, etc. I never got beat. I never bled, I never had bruises, but I had welts, and I had my ass whipped. I deserved it though. I never got smacked unless I was being a little jerk. While I think it's okay to discipline your kids, I think leaving marks, or hitting them too hard is just stupid. When I have kids, and my kids act up, i'm gonna pop them on the ass with something. Am I gonna swing a belt at their torso or their legs? Nah, not even. It's cool, I think, to discipline your kids.

 

[GeneralKarim]

As most people here who arent products of today's parents that are afraid to touch their kids cause they will call the police on them or smth, I too got whipped and stuff. I wont go into detail as I dont think whippings are that different, there are only so many thing you can whip a kid with. Beat..no I never got beat. My mom was a bit crazy when she was younger but after some soul searching and a LOT of yoga and zen and budo-zen and all that shit she got better and better. I mean before that she BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MY SISTER ( who is a real bitch nowdays @ 27 yo ). But when we were kids I put myself between mom and her and said enough and she stopped. My sis was bleeding. That's really not acceptable. Also that beating and others didnt help as my syster never really listened to her so it was all in vain.

I think whipping a kids ass and grounding them is perfectly fine but beating them like bruises and bleeding and shit isnt acceptable. You can clearly see this generation is whip free because of how kids these days act. They think they are owed everything and they grow up like this and then you have them commeting on the internet in the manner that they are. Not saying ALL of the kids in this generation are whip free but there is a clear difference in how I knew kids were ~15 years ago and how they are now.

Also being in a decent neighborhood helps a ton since kids when they are very young are molded very easily by what they see and hear around them. Tho given how we are in the tech era I dont know if kids really go outside anymore.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Spanking if fine, as long as it is spanking only, and not escalating to weapons. You also have to ensure what you are doing is productive with the particular child in question. If they aren't developing, you don't just continue to beat away because they are "hard-headed"

Spanking is alright, but you should never, ever, leave welts, cuts, or bruises on a child. Only fucking idiots don't understand the difference between a spanking and making a small child bleed.