Mother disowns gay son, grandfather does the same to her

[LSN80]

After "Christine"(first names only given) kicked her teenage son, "Chad", out of her home and cut off contact with him after Chad took the brave step of coming out of the closet as gay, Christine's father, Chad's grandfather, came to a surprising decision.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/02/grandpa-letter-gay-grandson_n_4029750.html

Not surprisingly, the grandfather took his 16-year-old grandson in, as the young man, trying to do the right thing, suddenly found himself homeless as his mother removed him from the house. I've seen situations such as these before, and have generally found, in my experience, that grandparents attempt to re-unite parents and children by brokering peace. Instead, after hearing his grandson tell the story of how "Christine" didn't 'raise her son to be gay', he not only took Chad in, but presented himself and Chad as a package deal. If she's choosing to reject Chad, then her father was doing the same to Christine. Until she stops referring to her son as an "abomination", and "finds her heart", he wants nothing to do with her.

Is it any wonder that teenage suicide among homosexuals is the highest of any demographic? I have friends who are gay, and while I'm no expert, certainly, I've seen a great deal of agony and fear experienced by friends feeling indecisive about telling their parents. It's not that they want to keep their orientation from parents, however, I've seen them experience the fear of what Christine did to Chad happening now. Had it not been for this undoubtably saddened grandfather, essentially choosing his grandson over his daughter, future teens considering coming out of the closet would find themselves fearing even more. The grandfather, unnamed here, wrote the following letter to his daughter, expressing his feelings regarding her treatment of her gay son, explaining his decision to disown her.

The letter was sent to and first posted on FCKH8.com, a website geared towards homosexuals, lesbians, bisexual and transgendered youths, mainly using humor, such as funny t-shirts. After Yahoo, who owns the site, verified the legitimacy of the letter, they printed it in full:

While I'm certainly no expert, I've seen first-hand through friends as a teenager as well as young women and men in my therapy practice the fear that comes in as the day approaches for them to tell their parents. While Ive never seen a parent completely reject their child when they "come out of the closet", I've seen them greatly disappointed as well. Coming from a deeply religious family, I'd certainly fear rejection from my parents. Most likely, they would have sent me to one of those Christian camps" that "cure homosexuality". In Chad's case, I thank God his grandfather loved and accepted him unconditionally, taking him in. Had his grandfather not accepted him, I fear the rejection from both mother and grandfather brings with it the real possibility that Chad may have become another teenage "statistic" sadly.

What do you think your parent(s) reaction would have been had you come out to them as gay?

Most of the comments I've read have been very critical of the mother, and support the grandfathers actions completely. However, one tweet from an Erica Bancaci made me reconsider my position, if only for a minute:

@EricaBancaci:

While the grandpa is doing right thing by accepting Gary 2 live w him, isn't he doing same thing as mom by disowning her?

And there-in lies the problem. While grandpa is showing unconditional love to his grandson, is he doing the same as mother by disowning her? Simply? No. The mother is disowning the son for something he has no choice in, such as getting polio. But the grandfather is disowning his daughter over something she does have a choice over: rejecting him for the way he was born, or loving him unconditionally. Sadly, she chose the first. I don't know if I would have gone all the way as the grandfather did, but if forced to choose, I'd chose the grandson as well.

How do you feel about Grandfather rejecting Christine because she rejects Chad due to him being gay?

Finally, a Jon Lajoie video, who many of you may know as Taco McArthur on FXX's The League. Lajoie, in his own humor, describes the tongue-in-cheek reasons as to why homosexuals 'shouldn't be allowed' to date or marry.

[YOUTUBE]xJWbszxHANE[/YOUTUBE]

Thoughts and discussion of the questions, the story, or simply Jon Lajoie's video are welcome.

 

[Mustang Sally]

How do you feel about Grandfather rejecting Christine because she rejects Gary due to him being gay?

Grandfather is probably doing his daughter a favor. She might think that by "disowning" her son she's now absolved of all responsibility for him...... but legally, she isn't. Turning a 16-year-old out on the street would mean nothing but trouble for her if something happened to him; he's still a minor and she has to provide for him, whether she likes it or not.

Also, while "choosing his grandson over his daughter" is a moral choice, it's also providing a safe haven for his grandson, which is the most important thing. In fact, if granddad later sues his daughter for support of her son, he'd win.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

It's so nice to see people writing hand-written notes again. Email has really made it a lost art.

Gary, or as I like to call him, Chad, must be going through a difficult time. His mom kicking him out is a scary life experience. I am really glad to know the kid has a place to do where someone cares for him. I wonder what is drove the mom to her decision to kick the kid out? Religious beliefs would be my guess but I would think those beliefs would be similar to the grandfather's.

This type of story is really interesting for the way it takes itself out of the context for normal gender and generational roles. This is the kind of thing you expect a daughter to write to her father as opposed to a father to a daughter.

It's certainly a harsh way for the grandfather to handle things but I would never show the mother any sympathy. There may be some hypocrisy in the grandfather's actions but I don't care. The mother sounds like a horrible shell of a human being. I would never tolerate my wife doing this to my kids (not that she would) and I imagine in 40 years I would tolerate this behavior from my own kids. Why you ask? Because I don't believe in tolerance, I only believe in tolerance for things that I think are worth being tolerant.

Anyway, I'm not sure this is even real. How did the website get hold of the letter if it went to the horrible she-bitch mom? Do gay people still use the word 'fabulous'?

 

[Slash-LN]

What do you think your parent(s) reaction would have been had you come out to them as gay?

My parents are both extremely religious at this point in their lives so I imagine there would be some disappointment initially from both of them.
That being said my mom is very supportive and while I think she would be upset I know she wouldn't hold it against me. She would still show me love and respect and if I had a partner she would show them love and respect too.
I don't know my dad well enough to know how he would accept it overall. I imagine at first there would be a pretty big scene and a lot of irrational things said followed by a talk about the Bible and how I'm going to hell. Or he just wouldn't talk to me at all. I'm not sure which would happen to be honest.


How do you feel about Grandfather rejecting Christine because she rejects Chad due to him being gay?

I went through some thought changes as I read this. At first I was totally with the grandpa. Then I kind of started thinking he's being intolerant towards her intolerance. Then I went back to thinking he's right to do this. My final feeling is that I agree with the grandpa. As was mentioned in the OP he is shutting his daughter out for a choice she made. When her son worked the courage up to finally tell his mother he is gay she rejected him. I can understand there being initial shock but she could have dealt with that on her own and supported her son. She made a choice. He didn't.

I haven't really been around too many gay people that I'm aware of. However I met this kid a few years back that is gay and when out mutual friend introduced us the first words out of his mouth were "Hi. I'm a ******." It totally threw me off. The three of us were talking and I guess he has a brother that is gay also. He was telling us that his mom was talking to someone who asked his mom if her sons were going to prom and she replied "No. But my daughters are." It kind of bothered me that his mom had made that kind of remark. He said he was learning to get used to it.

I know a few girls that are lesbians and their parents are all supportive of them. I didn't know any of them when they first came out to their families so I don't know how it initially went but know that now their parents are fine with it.

The only other example I have is a guy I used to work with. Not too long after he left the hotel we worked at his sister started working there and I became friends with her. One night we were working and she said that her brother had come out to the family that day. I told her that I wasn't surprised and almost everyone we worked with thought he was gay even though he had never come out and said it. It surprised me that it surprised her because she said she had no idea. She told me that when her other brother came out to the family a few years before this brother was the one who reacted worst to him. He yelled at him and told him he was going to hell and a bunch of stuff. I figure he acted that way because they lived in a religious home and he was having his own internal struggle and was more mad at himself than at his brother. She said the family is very accepting of both of them though.

 

[Fire Marshall Bill]

That mother is pretty ignorant to be doing stuff like that, and it was great for the grandfather to take his grandson in. That said, the grandfather is not helping the situation. He can take care of his grandson as long as it's necessary. And by that I mean he should be playing peacemaker, not disowning his own daughter because of the situation. I don't say that because of the hypocricy, I say it because his main goal should be to repair the relationship. How many people in their lives can claim to be regretful for being angry at a family member for years? Sometimes all it would take in those situations is for another family member to sit both parties down and talk it out. He shouldn't disown his daughter out of principle. He should try and do what he can to repair the breach because it's the right thing to do.

And if I came out my parents wouldn't give a crap. In fact, I always thought my dad thought it might eventually happen simply because I dressed nicer than he thought someone my age should growing up. My nephew (his grandson) just came out as bi and neither he nor anyone else in the family really made a big deal out of it.

 

[TWJC: The Beginning]

I hate it when someone is intolerant of intolerance and then someone else says "well they're a hypocrit". No, being intolerant of intolerance is being a good person. If someone wants to kill me, I shouldn't say "well I respect your views". It doesn't work that way.

Good for the grandpa and the grandson. Shame on the mom.