Does Anbody Believe/Still Believe in Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex?

[People's Champ]

I was watching a rerun of the George Lopez the other night and in the episode his daughter Carmen had gotten birth control pills and George's mom and his wife's dad (no i dea why I can't remember her name) told her about them and took her to get them. When confronted about it they said it was going to happen anyway and better there be protection then not.

15, 20, 30 years ago this would be an issue on tv. Or at all really. I'm under 25 but was still taught by my folks that sex was special and your virginity was what you gave your mate. But nowadays that's not the case. In school and at home the idea is now to help your kids be informed about sex, STDs, and protection. I hardly ever hear sex sex being discouraged in kids. They may mention they should but more effort is made into informing them of protection.

As adults, it seems like that idea of waiting til marriage is completely gone. There are IMO four different groups.
1. Having sex without being in a relationship. They don't feel the need to be with someone in order to have fun. As long as they are careful its all good.
2.Fresh in a relationship and getting to it. They are with someone but its more of a sexual thing then anything. It might be to avoid the label of a "ho" or a dude who only wants to "get in and get out". But there's no real relationship there besides the phyiscal attraction.
3. A committed relationship. They have developed a real bond with each other over time and feel they are ready to show that by taking the next step.
4. Wait until marriage. Pretty self explanitory. They wait until they are married to have sex.

Now let me state that I AM IN NO WAY SAYING THAT ANY OF THAT IS WRONG. ITS A PERSONAL OPINION OF THE WAY I SEE THINGS BUT IN NO WAY AM I TRYING TO TALK BAD ABOUT ANYONE AND THEIR PERSONAL DECISIONS. EVERYONE HAS THEIR PREFERENCES AND I WILL NOT BAD MOUTH ANYONE FOR IT.

Ok now that I made sure that was cleared up, I fall into the 4th group. I waited til I was married before I had sex. There were those who clowned on me for it, and others who said they respected me for it, and those who even wished they had waited themselves. I have a 4 year old and a 14 month old and plan on teaching them the same thing.

How about you? I know I'm in the minority on this issue, but what are views? How were you brought up? Are your views different than what you were taught? How do you plan on raising your kids or if your old enough how did you raise them with regards to sex and waiting or not?

 

[Spaceman Spif]

I never believed in waiting until you were married to have sex. Hell no, not for me, I lost my virginity at 16 and never looked back. I'm not a man ****e by any means, I've only been with 7 woman in my life. I just didn't see any point in it, then again I'm not a religious man, I'm spiritual, but I do not believe in religion. I was brought up that I should wait, but I didn't listen, didn't see the point. I wanted to do it and I did and I loved it. Christ man, I got ex-communicated from the moron church because I deflowered the Bishop's daughter. So yeah, never did and don't believe in waiting. Fuck away people, fuck away.

 

[Loveless]

Nope, I believe in try before you buy. You wouldn't buy a car without going for a spin and yet you're supposed to dedicate your entire life to 1 person without knowing what is a significant part of them (That came out wrong, I don't mean literally).
Now that doesn't mean I'm going to slag it up all over town, as it happens I'm extremely selective but I've also come to terms with myself as an animal and I've no reason to pretend I'm above that. I'm not a man of God, I don't believe in any rules besides the ones I choose, I don't feel the need to elevate sex into a holy union or relegate it to a sinful act. It is what is it, a fun thing to do with someone you like, are attracted to and who isn't going to give you a disease.

As for how I was brought up, I was always a shy child so I avoided the conversation. As with pretty much everything in my life, I prefer to work things out on my own, I'm stubborn and I can't be told anything. For me that worked out well because I grew at my own speed organically but I'm not convinced I'd use that method with my own kids because you have to have a specific type of personality for that to work. I've no idea how I'd approach that issue with my kids, it's one of the few things I'm undecided on.

 

[The Gribbler]

I was in group 3 I waited until I was in a long term committed relationship (okay so I only waited 3 months but I knew it was a long term thing, and we have now been together for 2 years and are going stronger than ever)

 

[BladeRunner]

How about you? I know I'm in the minority on this issue, but what are views? How were you brought up? Are your views different than what you were taught? How do you plan on raising your kids or if your old enough how did you raise them with regards to sex and waiting or not?

Honestly, as a man, I tried to get sex as soon as possible. Whether that was a good thing, risky thing, bad thing, who knows, all I know is I tried as best I could

I think it's up to you what you want out of life. I know my dad had had sex before marriage, but I don't think my mom had. So there's an example of both types being together. And they were a good match.

You never really know how life's going to go. I mean you might not ever get married, so does that mean you're never going to have sex? You might miss out then.

But also, if you go crazy with it, trying to be a player your whole life, well that usually doesn't work out too well.

But what it comes down to is, I think you should generally only have sex with someone you love. Having sex with people you don't love can causes a lot of problems.

Marriage is a very big commitment and shouldn't be taken lightly. It's up to the individual what they expect from themselves and life.

 

[Dagger Dias]

I am in the minority and am still waiting. I was was raised to think that not waiting was "terrible" and "immoral". My parents were (and to an extent still are) very judgemental. They even think you shouldn't tongue-kiss until you're engaged. I pretty much agreed with their views at the time, other the part about tongue-kissing. Needless to say, they weren't happy when they found out I made out when I was 16. I wanted to save everything else for marriage though. It wasn't until October of 2008 (I was 22) when I finally went further than tongue-kissing with a girl. We didn't go all the way but we did everything else, so I'm still a V and by choice. She wanted to go all the way and I said no we should wait until we're married.

I pretty much have the same views now, I want my first time to be special. I've waited all these years so there's no reason to throw it away to just anyone. Here is an interesting way to look at it. Your virginity is something you can only give to one person, which makes it kinda similar to an undefeated streak, once you lose it, it never comes back. So if you could only put over one person, wouldn't you want that person to be someone special? I know, that was a little cheesy but it should make sense to some of you, being wrestling fans and all.

I'm in the minority though and I wish more people waited, but, unlike my parents, I do respect the choices of others. Basically.... I think if you're ready and you want to, then you should do it.... and if you want to wait, then you should wait. I know that the woman of my dreams is out there and she will be worth waiting for. I've made it 24 years, I can wait a little longer and still have a beautiful gift to give the right girl when the time comes.

 

[Richard]

I'm not so sure about waiting until marriage to have sex to be honest.

For the people who wait until they are married until they have sex, what if by chance you find that you don't like having sex with that person or they aren't good and then you start to get the temptations to find something better? That could potentially ruin the marriage or put a huge ammount of stress on it.

I don't agree in having sex with whoever for whatever reason, I think that you should be in a relationship with someone you love but I think waiting till you're married is a bit of a stretch but if that's what people want to do then they can do that at their own risk.

I didn't wait until marriage for it, I love my fiance and she loves me so I don't see any problem in doing it now instead of waiting for marriage to come around.

 

[Theo Mays]

It really depends for me. If I really liked the girl and I knew something serious would come out of it and she wanted to wait for marriage then I would definitely hold off. Being as I haven't had sex that is an option for me. But if I meet a girl and she is willing to have sex then I will most likely go along with it assuming the time is right. I'm not gonna just sleep with a girl just for kicks, it isn't really my style. I have a buddy who is like that and he isn't 21 yet and the kid has slept with over 50 women. Now most people would see that and think he is a player, but I for one find that pretty gross. It really depends on the person nowadays. Some people wait, some don't. Sex isn't a weird subject like it was back in the day of my parents or grandparents. Back then most people waited to have sex until they were married and they frown upon those who don't know. People in my generation are more free based and don't really see sex as a bad thing, they see it more as something fun and a part of life.

But like I said, it all depends on the girl really. I have no problems waiting for marriage to have sex, but I don't have a problem having sex before marriage. However I would prefer that the situation would be in a relationship, not just an one night stand. So I guess that puts me in the middle.

 

[HBK-aholic]

I don't think marriage is necessary, however, I respect those who do wait. I really hate the girls/guys who go out every weekend to 'pull' and get nothing more than a one-night stand. How many girls have you heard fall pregnant and not know who the father is? Who don't know who to ring to tell when they find out they have a disease? That sickens me. Putting lives and risk, and bringing lives into the world, for a small bit of pleasure one night is wrong, in my opinion - it's just not worth it.

I personally need to REALLY know and trust a guy and I need him to feel the same about me. I'd never be ble to go out on a Friday night and sleep with a guy I've only just met.

 

[tum922]

Being married or not didnt matter to me but i think you should be in a relationship first. I had sex before i was married but my wife is the only person ive slept with. I think its gross when every weekend people go out and have sex with someone else.

 

[Dave]

I don't think marriage is necessary, however, I respect those who do wait. I really hate the girls/guys who go out every weekend to 'pull' and get nothing more than a one-night stand. How many girls have you heard fall pregnant and not know who the father is? Who don't know who to ring to tell when they find out they have a disease? That sickens me. Putting lives and risk, and bringing lives into the world, for a small bit of pleasure one night is wrong, in my opinion - it's just not worth it.

I personally need to REALLY know and trust a guy and I need him to feel the same about me. I'd never be ble to go out on a Friday night and sleep with a guy I've only just met.

I wonder what the differences in people's opinions are over the border. You see, up here, your opinion could not be further from reality. That is not to say that it is wrong by any means. What I am getting at is that women up here (or more to the point, "girls" up here) do go out on Friday nights just to hook up with guys. It is very common. A lot of my friends are women and are really not like that. However, they have all fallen for it once or twice. The point I am trying to make is that the current trend in Scotland for this kind of action, is growing. Girls up here seem to have no respect for themselves and try entice a guy every time they step out of the door. In Scotland, your mindset (whilst commendable) could not be further from the truth. Girls seems to be too wrapped up in what youth culture demands of them.

Personally, I have had a few one night stands but most of them have been with people that I know. With a couple of exceptions, I have never been to a club and met a woman with the goal being to sleep with her. This was especially true when I got out of my relationship last year. I just wasn't interested in woman for a while and was going to clubs for company or pleasure. However, now I am back in the game, I need to get to know people when I go out. I am at the stage where I want to be in a relationship again and that is a constant thought when I go out. I do believe in sex before marriage because I have never really believed in the sanctity of a marriage in the first place, to be honest. If you love someone and want to show them physical love, then I see no problem. You don't need a church for that...

 

[Mufasa]

I have no intention of ever getting married, so no I didn't wait. I think marriage is outdated. Half of them end in divorce. I don't really see the benefit of making a contract that obligates you to give up half of everything you own if it doesn't work out.

I think people should only be with other people when they want to be, not because they are obligated. If you do find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, by all means do spend the rest of your life with that person, but don't get into a binding agreement. Be with the person that your with for as long as it feels right. Interact with them in ways that feel right.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

I have no intention of ever getting married, so no I didn't wait. I think marriage is outdated. Half of them end in divorce. I don't really see the benefit of making a contract that obligates you to give up half of everything you own if it doesn't work out.

I think people should only be with other people when they want to be, not because they are obligated. If you do find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, by all means do spend the rest of your life with that person, but don't get into a binding agreement. Be with the person that your with for as long as it feels right. Interact with them in ways that feel right.

Your attitude about relationships is exactly why marriage is even more important than ever right now. Staying with someone as long as it pleases you is good and all for yourself, but what if the person who shared some of their life with you doesn't want the relationship to end? What if they put aside their life to make you a home, raise your children, and relieve you from a stressful workday? Don't you think they'd be entitled to some kind of remuneration for making at least one part of your life tolerable?

When people talk about how outdated marriage is as an institution, I think they're throwing the baby out with the bathwater. If you ask me, marriage is a pretty fucking practical institution, especially in advanced capitalist societies. Let's look past the love bullshit, as that only takes one person into account: yourself. Realize that, just as there are costs associated with you being with some person, they also have similar costs.

 

[CH David]

When I was growing up, my mom always told me wait until I was married. Then when I was in high school, she changed her tune to "Just wait until you find the right person". That is how I have gone about my business. Just wait until I find the right girl, and am in a committed relationship with her. I commend people that wait until marriage, however,I do think that you should test the waters before jumping in, but to each their own. If the relationship is strong enough that sex isn't necessary to stay happy, fuckin' a, more power to you, and I wish you a happy marriage.

I will probably teach my eventual children that sex is something that shouldn't be rushed into or anything. Wait until you are in a committed relationship, and you both want to. Although safety should be taught as well. They may end up thinking they find someone they love at age 15 or 16, and next thing you know, you are a grandparent earlier than you thought you would be.

 

[Mufasa]

Your attitude about relationships is exactly why marriage is even more important than ever right now. Staying with someone as long as it pleases you is good and all for yourself, but what if the person who shared some of their life with you doesn't want the relationship to end? What if they put aside their life to make you a home, raise your children, and relieve you from a stressful workday? Don't you think they'd be entitled to some kind of remuneration for making at least one part of your life tolerable?

When people talk about how outdated marriage is as an institution, I think they're throwing the baby out with the bathwater. If you ask me, marriage is a pretty fucking practical institution, especially in advanced capitalist societies. Let's look past the love bullshit, as that only takes one person into account: yourself. Realize that, just as there are costs associated with you being with some person, they also have similar costs.

We are going to just have to agree to disagree, because what you are describing sounds a lot like a denial of freedom and a trap. I don't want to feel legally tied to anyone. Likewise I wouldn't want anyone legally tied to me. I would never want someone to be with me if they didn't want to. I wouldn't deny someone else freedom like that. There shouldn't be barriers for whether or not you can walk away. Thats a terrible obligation. Few things bother me more than old marry couples who don't love each other anymore and just stay together out of habit and because it is too difficult to split up.

Marriage also has a dark history. Marriage was originally more of a property arrangement and man's domination over woman. Bride prices, dowries, things like that. The whole history of marriage with all the transitions that it has made up the present, the whole thing looks stifling to me.

I'm not going to deny that there have been some people who have had wonderfully happy marriages. There certainly has been those. But marriage doesn't work for a lot of people, especially in the particular culture we are currently living in today. Divorce is so common that there are lawyers making good livings just handling divorces and nothing else. I think in today's time it does more harm than good. So many end in divorce, So many marriages that do last are still unhappy marriages where folks stay together just because of how much bullshit is involved in a divorce.

To me interaction with people you care about should be as free as possible, and as mutually beneficial as possible. Not a lot of strings. I don't want someone to be with me if I'm a burden to them, and I don't want to be with someone if they are a burden to me. I think people should be able to work out the terms of their relationships with other people themselves, regardless what kind of relationship that is friendship/dating/serious dating/physical. It should be something you can talk over or easily walk away form. Not something you get locked into.

 

[lghikas]

If I had to fall into a category I would probably say category 3 maybe even 4. I have grown up seeing sex as a very passionate thing for two people to share together. During junior high and high school I often found myself almost as an outcast just in the thought that sex and partying weren't the only thing in life compared to some of my friends.

Also even up to know I haven't really had much of a serious relationship with anyone. That and even with my friends I a pretty closed person when it comes to relationships, I really matter for other peoples, and I hope they leave my business to me.

So I really can't say whether my first time will be with someone I feel a strong connection with or after I am married. But I do know I won't be out on nights looking for a one night stand or just in a new relationship looking for have sex with a girl. It just something that doesn't make a relationship for me.

 

[klunderbunker]

Yes I do believe in it still. Have zero intention of having sex until I am married and I could care less if people think it's some old idea of way of thinking. While it is a common thing to do now, I still fail to see the point in sleeping with someone before marriage. As cliched as it sounds, it's something special. It truly is when you think about it as without getting too graphic, more or less you're giving your body to someone. Marriage is allegedly about becoming one with someone else with sex being a major part of that. In my mind the thing that pops into my mind is how many people would I have been a part of prior to my wife?

WOW that came off cornier than I expected it to.

 

[People's Champ]

I was out of it for a second and hadn't got a chance to see the responses to this topic. I'm glad to see people post their opinions and differing opinions at that. I see many people have a wide range of ideas as to what marriage means and how special or not sex is. I'm glad to see those who have a view of waiting til marriage let it be known.

We are all adults here pretty much so it shouldn't be an issue, but believing in waiting can be looked down on. And one thing I didn't take into account was the changing view of marriage itself. A lot more people are seeing marriage as a trap or as outdated. A lot of interesting views here.

 

[Kenny Powers]

This thread just furthers the stereotype that George Lopez is funny. Cheap joke. Anyways, I'm sure especially now in this day and age more people wait to have sex compared to the 90s or the 80s. I don't have a problem with it though. I just think people are limiting their options. If I got married to first person I met or had sex with, I wouldn't of met my wonderful wife I have now. We had sex before marriage, but we waited a while before we did.

I do think people should get to know each other better before marriage or having sex. I'm not the kind of person that has one night stands. I did have some in my early 20s and I regret every one of them. The only good that came from it was being able to understand how to physically and emotionally please your partner. Relationships mean more than just sex, however you still have to connect with that person on all levels.

If you meet someone and they are wonderful in all ways but disappoint you in the bedroom after you have been waiting all that time then its bad. You could also disappoint her if you wait till after marriage to explore your intimacy. It's like buying a nice new car without checking under the hood or taking it out for a test drive. I'm not comparing women to cars just the relationships.

I never had sex in high school and I know a lot of people who had that weren't too thrilled about it. I think people should wait till they are 18 or more mature to have sex. Also, teenagers should be taught about safe sex in the classroom or at home. Which most of the time it never happens at home. I learned about health and sex education in junior high school. Basically I don't think its a sin to have sex and I don't think its a problem to wait until marriage. I just think people need to explore each other mentally and physically over time before they make a huge commitment.

 

[People's Champ]

This is for kenny.

So let me ask you something. Everything could be right but if the sex isn't right then its all bad? But you said relationships should be more than sex. Which is it? I'm just curious. If you never had sex before how would you know if its not right? If everything else is good how would the sex be bad?

I guess what I'm saying is if you chose to wait, how could you know the sex is bad? I understand that although sex isn't the most important thing its still big. But how could that override what could be a perfect relationship?

And just to clarify, this is in response to what seemed to be a post that shows the negative of waiting.

 

[SalvIsWin]

This is for kenny.

So let me ask you something. Everything could be right but if the sex isn't right then its all bad? But you said relationships should be more than sex. Which is it? I'm just curious. If you never had sex before how would you know if its not right? If everything else is good how would the sex be bad?

I guess what I'm saying is if you chose to wait, how could you know the sex is bad? I understand that although sex isn't the most important thing its still big. But how could that override what could be a perfect relationship?

And just to clarify, this is in response to what seemed to be a post that shows the negative of waiting.

As far as I see this issue, there is no logical reason to wait, while there are logical reasons not to wait. The only reason one can give for waiting is that it's a gift that you're giving to your spouse and that it's special. That's a matter of opinion, and you could argue that kissing is special, or seeing each other naked is special, or any other imagined notion. Biologically, men need to have sex, they need to release, it's a healthy part of a mans life, it's completely natural.

More importantly, sex is a big part of any relationship, any one who has been with someone with any reasonable amount of time can tell you this. There is a physical part to any relationship, and when that goes away, that's usually when affairs occur and the marriage goes downhill. Is completely plausible that your partner does not please you sexually, and that you will be unhappy with that aspect of your relationship, then what?

Lastly, whether you choose to believe this is up to you, but biologically, men are created to have sex with multiple women. I don't like using the word natural, but monogamous relationships don't really jive with the males body. Let me give you the short version of how this all works, it explains a lot of human behaviour:

Biologically, we are 'meant' to pass on our genes, that is our purpose, that's what we are made to do above all else. Our genes and nature propel us towards this kind of behaviour. Once a woman is pregnant, she is on the shelf for eight months until the baby is born, she is physically incapable of having another child, so having sex past this point is purely for pleasure. A man however can still propagate during this time, logically it makes no sense for the man to wait around for a woman who won't be able to produce children for another eight months.

This explains a lot of male and female behaviour. A woman, because she cannot just have sex daily, weekly, whatever, in order to have children, has to choose her mate wisely, and base off of qualities that will ensure her childs survival, and therefore passing on her genes. This explains why women go for men in power, those with wealth, those in high social status, they will be able to provide for the child and take care. A man on the other hand looks for physical qualities, such as fertility, and what is correlated well with fertility? Attractiveness.

I realize I've gone almost completely off-topic, but the point is that waiting until marriage is a made-up concept that has been inscribed with the title of special for no logical reason.

Yes I do believe in it still. Have zero intention of having sex until I am married and I could care less if people think it's some old idea of way of thinking.

It is an old way of thinking, but more than that it's illogical. The only reason any one has is that it's special. In Muslim religions, they only see their wives body on the night of their marriage, because revealing the body to a man is special. I am going to assume you don't plan on doing that, but why not? I can give you a reason why you should, it's special. As you can see, 'because it's special' isn't a reason at all.

 

[Sparky]

Everything has changed in the last 25 - 40 years. Sex isn't seen as something speacial any more. I don't think and I don't practise that people should wait until they are married to have sex. Some people still believe in it and that's their choice and It don't worry me, I just feel that things have changed and that's why There is only a small bunch of people still following this lifestyle.