CM Punk is fucking funny..

[Freddy4190]

This is from his old LiveJournal.

"...We'll see how smart you are when the K-9 comes"
Thursday January 8th 2004, Baltimore Maryland

Allison Danger picks up the inoccent looking Punk rock wrestling hooligan who hasn't slept on a Wednesday night in the past three months at the Baltimore airport. What follows is their story. Names have been mostly made up due to Punks hatred for officers of "the law"...

So yeah, I let Allison drive my car, and she doesn't crash it, so we celebrate by me getting pulled over for (are you ready for this?).....
:drum roll:
Driving too close to the vehicle in front of me.
At least that's what the very clean cut looking officer who more than likely winds down his hard days "work" by downing a case of beer and beating his wife silly because he's embarassed he can't help his 8 year old with his math homework told me. I was told that I was following one and a half car lengths behind the guy that cut me off, when I was supposed to be following him TWO car lengths.
Officer Douche Mcallister asks me the usual questions, and the entire conversation went exactly like this:

Pig McBlueboy: Do you have anything in the car in the way of drugs or weapons?
Punk: Nope.
PM: Okay, i'm going to go run your license, just sit tight...
Punk: No worries.
::Idiot cop walks back to his car::
...in the meantime, another squad pulls up...
Punk: Figures they'd need two cars for something as stupid as this. I can't believe he's writing me a ticket for something this stupid.
Allison Danger (looking in the side mirror of my car): Um, Punker, I want you to keep calm.
Punk: Huh? I am calm, I just think it's stupid that (Punk sees that the second squad is a K-9 unit) WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?
Allison: Punk, just keep cool!
Punk: Fuck that, I don't....OH...OH! You've got to be kidding me!
::Officer #2 approachs my car with his DRUG DOG::
Punk rolls down passanger side window and yells at cop
Punk: ARE YOU RIBBING ME? GET THAT FUCKING DOG AWAY FROM MY CAR!
:fficer does'nt respond::
Punk: Serisouly, are you fucking kidding me? Hey!
:fficer starts to knock on Punks car with his hands::
Punk: Okay, Okay! Honestly, you fucking DICK, get the fuck away from my car, or i'll eat your dog.
::Officer #1 approachs Punks car once the dog and officer #2 are dog circling the car::
Officer ********: Can I ask you to step out of the car?
Punk: Absolutely not.
Officer Asshole: Well, I need to explain this to you...
Punk: Do it with me in the car
Officer Bitchass: Well, can you step out of the car...
Punk: Ya know what, fine...
Now this is where it gets fairly hilarious people. I literally step out of the car, and once i'm fully stood up, i'm at least a foot taller than this cop. The look on his face was priceless. He takes a step back, and I shit you not, gulps. I'd imagine i'm horribly frighting looking by this point, because i'm legit furious that this little bullshit profile stop of my car results in a drug dog harassment. He backs up, never taking his eyes off me, and I nearly back him into traffic...
Officer Justshitinhispants: Um...this is your warning.
Punk: Great ::turns to walk away::
Officer Banana Brains: You need to take this, but before I give it to you, what do you want to tell me about what's in your car?
Punk (now turning green): What?
Officer pleasedontkillme: Is there anything in the car you want to tell me about, I'll give you the chance to tell me the truth, why were you in Nashville?
Punk::raising his fists right in the cops face:: What do my knuckles say?!
Cop: Why were you ::gets cut off by a very angry Punk::
Punk: WHAT. DO. MY. KNUCKLES. SAY?
a very sad looking police man: Drug free.
Punk: Exactly, so i'm a little offended about the dog right now.
Copper: Um...okay, well, here's your warning, have a nice day
Punk: Go fuck yourself.

Reading this back now, it doen't even do it justice. Allison was sure that I was going to jail due to the way I was freaking out
Every day of my life is like this. Never slowing down, always topping the day before. Life is hard, and I hate politics.
Jimmy Rave is going bald.
Bill Behrens is a sonofabitch.
And I, soon to be the leader of the world, am better than you.
Go play in traffic.
Also, R.I.P Sterling James Keenans girlfriends Iguana.
XxX

 

[It's...Baylariat!]

This is LOL.

 

[J-Dogg]

HAHAHA, thats funny as hell.

 

[Coco]

Seen this before. Yeah, Punk's fuckin' hilarious. His shoot interviews make me chuckle too. Probably a complete d-bag, but a funny one at that.

 

[stingerlegends]

I can easily see why Punk had to job to Taker after reading this. Punk really makes himself look like an asshole.

 

[Coco]

Punk should eat your dog.

 

[stingerlegends]

I'm just saying that if I was the K-9 unit that came over to the officer's call, I woulda brought him downtown for behaving this way, woulda made sure he got an anal probe and left him in the drunk tank until morning, just to prove a point.

 

[Minor League Brian]

I'm just saying that if I was the K-9 unit that came over to the officer's call, I woulda brought him downtown for behaving this way, woulda made sure he got an anal probe and left him in the drunk tank until morning, just to prove a point.

Yeah, his. You're an ass.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

If he was yelling and swearing at the cop, and insulting him (such as calling him a dick), he'd be well within his rights to go ahead and arrest him on disorderly conduct. I'm pretty sure that story's overstated just a bit.

 

[Shadowmancer]

Im pretty sure he was a big heel at that point in time as well

 

[stingerlegends]

Yeah, his. You're an ass.

Nope. Wouldn't have done it if Punk hadn't been a jerk. So his fingers say Drug Free. Nice. Could be a great cover for all I know. You might have a gun in the car. Dogs sniff for that too, you know. You want to be a dick, I'll play ball. If you're cool, I'm cool. It's that simple. Shoulda put that in there for perspective, I suppose, ML Brian, but I have had funnier situations with cops, and I didn't have to be a bully about it.

 

[Razor]

Punk's an ass. You don't treat cops like that, at all. They're there to keep us safe, not get yelled at by a bitch who thinks he's better than him. No wonder he had to drop the title to Taker. If he reacted this way to Taker, there is no reason for that kind of ******ed shit.

 

[salomon1080s]

Punk's an ass. You don't treat cops like that, at all. They're there to keep us safe, not get yelled at by a bitch who thinks he's better than him. No wonder he had to drop the title to Taker. If he reacted this way to Taker, there is no reason for that kind of ******ed shit.

how is profiling someone like punk and saying he has drugs keeping anyone safe?

 

[stingerlegends]

how is profiling someone like punk and saying he has drugs keeping anyone safe?

It's not like the cop knew that it was CM Punk, and that he doesn't do drugs. That's the point. The cop is just doing his job. Punk should've been more respectful. A policeman has the right to pull you over for ANY reason, if they feel you are a threat to anybody.

There are a lot of high school bullies that end up being cops, that's been proven, but that doesn't mean they all are, and it doesn't mean they are all corrupt (EVEN IF they profile), and it CERTIANLY doesn't mean someone should lip off to them.

 

[Minor League Brian]

Yeah, because being a car and a half away from someone is suspect. I mean, no one rides the car in front of theirs ass by a good foot or 2.

 

[stingerlegends]

Yeah, because being a car and a half away from someone is suspect. I mean, no one rides the car in front of theirs ass by a good foot or 2.

That isn't the point. Yes, it was a stupid reason to pull someone over, but it's still a pull-overable offense. 2 car lengths is the rule of thumb. But I don't care HOW STUPID the offense is, CM Punk should have kept his trap shut and should have been respectful. That's the point, Brian, that myself and Razor were making.

I don't know about you, but I was always told to be the better man, be the bigger man. Even if someone does something whack to you, you don't lose sight of you are supposed to be.

 

[Minor League Brian]

And my point was if you were the cop, you'd have proved his point.

See what I did there?

 

[It's...Baylariat!]

Punk was being HEEL! Just making sure he was in character. This probably didn't happen to him.

 

[stingerlegends]

And my point was if you were the cop, you'd have proved his point.

See what I did there?

Yes, Brian, I see what you are saying, but you are just jumping to Punk's side without seeing a bigger picture. And Punk has no point to make, so neither do you. The cop has jurisdiction to pull him over. Punk conveniently leaves out other facts that could possibly have persuaded the cop to pull him over. And it doesn't matter. Besides, the K-9 officer who came to the scene later DID NOT pull Punk over, so all that guy knows is that he is needed to check out a potentially dangerous situation. I wasn't taking sides with the initial officer. I specifically said "If I were the K-9 officer". Punk has ZERO rights (aside from a lawyer and silence if arrested) in this situation, so he HAS NO POINT TO MAKE. I DO NOT care if he is drug free. It doesn't matter. It has no relevance. Even if no drugs were found on him or in his system, it DOES NOT give him the right to be an asshole about it. How hard is that to understand???

 

[stingerlegends]

Punk was being HEEL! Just making sure he was in character. This probably didn't happen to him.

You might be right!

 

[Minor League Brian]

Yes, Brian, I see what you are saying, but you are just jumping to Punk's side without seeing a bigger picture. And Punk has no point to make, so neither do you. The cop has jurisdiction to pull him over. Punk conveniently leaves out other facts that could possibly have persuaded the cop to pull him over. And it doesn't matter. Besides, the K-9 officer who came to the scene later DID NOT pull Punk over, so all that guy knows is that he is needed to check out a potentially dangerous situation. I wasn't taking sides with the initial officer. I specifically said "If I were the K-9 officer". Punk has ZERO rights (aside from a lawyer and silence if arrested) in this situation, so he HAS NO POINT TO MAKE. I DO NOT care if he is drug free. It doesn't matter. It has no relevance. Even if no drugs were found on him or in his system, it DOES NOT give him the right to be an asshole about it. How hard is that to understand???

Ceeeeeept why are you looking at the bigger picture? If we get into that, we'd be able to assume a lot of things. You can only work with what you're giving. Assuming makes an ass out of u and me, 'member that.

However, Punks point were they were being assholes. Doing what you did, would certify that they were being assholes. So, I win.

 

[stingerlegends]

But Punk was being an asshole to assholes that have the right to do what they did.

I win.

 

[Minor League Brian]

But Punk was being an asshole to assholes that have the right to do what they did.

I win.

And he had a right to be an asshole, first amendment and all.

I win overall, but your bastard of a RB has cost me my fantasy league countless times so I'll call it even.

 

[jazzua]

I love it. Too bad he isn't that funny during his promos. I mean, too bad he isn't...nah, that's probably what i meant.

 

[Blade]

God, some of you people are fucking idiots.

And yeah, it was kinda funny. Kinda.