WZCW Discussion Thread | Page 2844 | WrestleZone Forums

WZCW Discussion Thread

Working on some feedback for everyone else. Time permitting, I may do predictions for the undercard and then maybe the end of Lethal Lottery.
 
Thank you NSL for the feedback. Couldn't rep you. Yes, I had written the first part but, today was annoying day for me thus, the second part wasn't as good.
 
images
 
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone that gave me feedback last round. Whether in the feedback thread, Q&A thread or even via PM. I believe it helped tremendously. I had been struggling to try and find something for Logan to work towards besides the providing for his son.

With the feedback I feel I was able to develop Logan more, and I believe a good long term goal.

So thanks again for the feedback!

Can't wait to see what the LL brings
 
Panda: Thanks for the feedback! I write the RPs on the fly, and mean for some of it to be confusing/questionable, but forgetting something like that isn't good. I'll keep that in mind. To be honest, I'm not sure where I lost track of it. The memories/dreams/etc were meant to be first person, and then third person for the part with Leon, and then the last part was meant to be third person and then switching back to first person.

As you can see, there's lots of room for error :lmao: I definitely appreciate the kind words on the storytelling part. I'm really trying to work with that, and keep it as a strength, considering right now, all John Doe is, is backstory.

CassaNova said:
Thank you NSL for the feedback. Couldn't rep you. Yes, I had written the first part but, today was annoying day for me thus, the second part wasn't as good.
Click to expand...

It was pretty obvious, but that's not a bad thing going forward. You know what works and what doesn't.
 
I figured it was something minor that was in editing. Like I said, I think the story was overall just enough to whet the appetite, but not too much, in that the character didn't get overexposed.

Again, when I give criticisms, usually it comes down to the most minor of details. These are the weird things that use to impact me when I voted, and that's usually just the mindset to most of my feedback.
 
Sexual Objectification Panda said:
I figured it was something minor that was in editing. Like I said, I think the story was overall just enough to whet the appetite, but not too much, in that the character didn't get overexposed.

Again, when I give criticisms, usually it comes down to the most minor of details. These are the weird things that use to impact me when I voted, and that's usually just the mindset to most of my feedback.
Click to expand...

Since I'm trying to visualize as I write, I try to keep it similar to a screenplay, and the problem there, is that I am thinking from each "person". I want to make sure that each one works. I just need to remember to sort them out and stick to one lol

The minor details are definitely where criticism is needed most, I think. If I threw out a shitty RP, and everyone thought it was shit, then there wouldn't be need for feedback. But, if I put out a good RP, but it could have been great with a few tweaks, I need to know.
 
Bernkastel said:
NSL

So it seems that we’re delving deeper into John Doe’s past. We have a mysterious scene in Mexico, followed by a brief interview with John and Leon. Lastly we see a scene of a mental health facility. The opening scene was well written, but some of the green dialogue confused me with the description that came afterwards. With the tense I wasn’t sure if that referenced the character that spoke or another one. The description just didn’t seem to make sense.
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I can see how this would be confusing. Generally, I try to stick with blue for faces, and red for heels, and the green is just something neutral when the speaker is unidentified. But, I didn't think about the fact that no one in that section was really identified. The "speaker" was meant to be the wrestler/other guy, and the "listener" was you/the guy in the chair.

What I liked least about the RP: I would choose one tense and stick with it. You were using second person for most of the RP, then you switched over to first person and then back to second. Don’t do that. Just chose one. Some of your transitions might need a little work. The transition between the interview and the last scene left me confused. I was not sure which scene the mental health facility was supposed to follow. Also I think you need a bit more descriptive narration; animate your characters a bit more between dialogue.
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As I told Panda, I'll definitely work on keeping my tenses organized. The flashbacks will almost always be in first person, and the interviews/interactions will be in third.

The scene with the mental health facility was meant to be the transition itself from John being in the room, to John being at the curtain. This goes with your point about animating the characters more. I have a lot of trouble with this, because I feel like I'm terrible at being descriptive, and don't want a subpar section taking away from the whole. I do know it's needed. I just need to figure out how to do it.

I’m seeing you start to experiment with different formats, which is good. And your story with John is moving along, so at least you aren’t stuck. It does seem like you’ve got a handle on where you want to take John, so that’s also good.
Click to expand...

Oh I have way too many notes written down about where this is going, and since I'm purposely keeping the flashbacks slightly vague, it's almost getting tough for me to keep track of without going over the notes repeatedly. The good thing is, I want the reader to be in the dark and slightly confused, without losing interest. As long as that hasn't happened, I'll be okay.
 
So I still owe feedback to...

Haiku Hogan
Funkay
Lee
RedSkull
Shotaro

I'll try to have those up over the next 2 days. Anyone else that wants any just hit up the feedback thread.
 
So, startling revelation today.

In Sonic Canon, Tails' name is Miles Prower.


You know, Miles. Pr.Ower.

Miles Per Hour.

Fucking Hell
 
Bernkastel said:
The Boston gimmick was a nice touch, but I’m curious as to why Logan does not speak the same way
Click to expand...


Hey thanks for the feedback. I definitely see where u n haiku are coming from in regards to the breaking up of dialogue.

I did briefly mention why Logan doesn't have the accent, tho it may have been lost in the dialogue n could've stood out more if I spaced it out.

Basically, after taking Brittany to rehab, Logan left Boston behind, and due to not having fond memories there, he made effort to "hide" it.

There's a strong chance it comes back out if Brittany gets her way lol

Im glad the response has been positive to this rp. I spent alot of time trying to find an identity for Logan, and feel that I have a lot of material and could go a couple diff directions.

Sorry for the rambling, but thanks again for the feedback.
 
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