WWE IS BURYING EVERY SINGLE WRESTLER ON THE ROSTER!!!

[klunderbunker]

And I can prove it!

Adam Rose – Stuck in a comedy tag team and they didn't care enough about the Bunny storyline to follow up. It's burial time, all the time.

Bad News Barrett – Reduced to a glorified commentator. Why would I care about someone like him? Bad News for you dude: You're buried.

Big E. – Sent into a horrible team that no one cares about after being in a six man tag team match last year at the Raw after Wrestlemania where the fans booed him. Oh and he's black so he's never going anywhere. Don't sweat it Big E. You're just being buried.

Big Show – Look what happened to Cesaro after he won the battle royal last year. He's clearly going to get buried. Oh and he didn't get a pin the next night. We're going to need a big box to bury a guy this big, but rest assured, he shall be buried.

Bo Dallas – He was eliminated by an NXT guy. He's not even good enough to be buried by the major league guy. Dallas is far enough down that he's being developmentally buried.

Bray Wyatt – Look at all those pay per view losses. He hasn't won a single match on pay per view THIS YEAR. All he got on a pay per view was an interview where he ripped off another guy's entrance. Follow the buzzards to his buried body.

Brock Lesnar – Do I even need to explain this one? Lost the title and HASN'T DONE A THING SINCE! Now he's suspended and won't get his revenge. People are going to forget about him and he'll lose his heat. The next big burial indeed.

The Bunny – See Rose. They didn't care enough about him to even unmask him as Darren Young. And I know that's where it was going because I read it on a dirt sheet and they never make stuff up. I hope he can hop out of that grave he's been buried in.

Cesaro – A TAG TEAM CHAMPION? Well, he's screwed. He was so bad they stuck him on the pre-show. TWICE! What's the Swiss word for buried?

Curtis Axel – Had to sell for Hulk Hogan and a celebrity with the 2.4 inch Pythons. Can we get a clock on how long he's been buried for?

Damien Mizdow – Geez man. How can someone allegedly so smart (like I'm smart. I read wrestling news on the internet bro.) not come up with something better than just copying someone else? He's totally ripping off Buddy Landell with Ric Flair from the 80s. Maybe he can get a stunt double when they throw him in the grave.

Daniel Bryan – Yeah he won the Intercontinental Title but he lost in his first non-title match by countout due to interference. NO! He doesn't have any hope and YES! He is being buried. It's so clear that you would have to be a goat faced moron to not see it.

Darren Young – They put him in a gimmick where he makes fun of people and shills old shirts. He's like the black Charlie Haas. Oh and he's black and therefore buried. Total racism.

Dean Ambrose – He lost both of his pay per view main events late last year, only got into the final five of the Rumble and then lost his Wrestlemania title match. Then Cena beat him in the US Title match the next night on Raw. There's no hope for his future, but maybe he warm himself with all the memories of how people TOTALLY said he would be the star of the Shield.

Diego – He was replaced by a short guy named Kalisto as the resident luchador and he's second fiddle to a guy in a bull suit. Either way, bury the dude. Just make sure it's Diego instead of Fernando. Actually never mind as they're the same person.

Dolph Ziggler – Where do I even start? He hasn't won a thing since he won the World Title because that was Cena's win at Survivor Series and he couldn't even mean anything because STING won't get out of his way. Then he jobbed to Luke Harper because this company has a thing for beards. Maybe he can show off the shovel used to bury him.

Erick Rowan – When has he actually won something recently? He's just a big version of Daniel Bryan anyway. Maybe he can avoid being buried by pretending to be a sheep or something.

Fandango – When the feature of your act is the dancing chick who has never won a singles match in like five years, you're just the new and improved version of the same buried Fandango.

Fernando – He was replaced by a short guy named Sin Cara as the resident luchador and he's second fiddle to a guy in a bull suit. Either way, bury the dude. Just make sure it's Fernando instead of Diego. Actually never mind as they're the same person.

Goldust – WWE cares about him so much that he wins a match and lost all of his heat due to a post match attack. Then he got crushed by Rusev after Raw to complete the burial.

Heath Slater – They hate this guy so much that they go from a 3 Count knockoff to making him look like Apollo Creed. Even Drew McIntyre in TNA is getting pushed harder than this guy. I wonder if the guy burying him needed two helpers so it could be a THREE MAN BURIAL?

Jack Swagger – He's lost to Rusev six times in less than a year. That's like Zack Ryder territory and we all know he's been buried.

Jey Uso/Jimmy Uso – Let's combine this one into one. They can't even beat Los Matadores and they're only there to push Total Divas “star” Naomi. It doesn't help that they're just a placeholder tag team and haven't done anything since they dropped the tag belts. Siva Tao your ways into the burial positions guys.

John Cena – This guy is the KING of burials. How do you go from the main event of Wrestlemania two years ago to basically being the TV Champion and fighting guys like Dean “I used to be a big deal when I said NOPE that one time!” Ambrose and Star “Please think of Mockingjay when you see me and forget that I'm jobbing to old guys” Dust. How could they put this guy over Rusev? He's even using more than five moves to make you think he knows more than five moves! How can you trust this guy??? You won't be able to see him now that he's been buried.

Kalisto – He's just there to make people forget about Rey Mysterio. Flip youself into the line for being buried and LEARN SOME ENGLISH. Clearly people hate him because he's Hispanic right?

Kane – PUT THE MASK BACK ON! You were totally cool back then when you were the old dude in the mask instead of the old dude in the dress pants. Now you're just getting speared and pinned all the time by a guy with no heat like Roman Reigns. I would say you're buried but you're way too old to belong in the ground anymore.

Kofi Kingston - Just a jumping guy. He's black though and in that trio of losers so we'll have him jump into the grave.

Konnor – They're just using him to cash in on the Crusher stuff from last year. Why else would you name someone Konnor? Thankfully the WWE has clearly seen that there's no future for he and Viktor and they're burying them accordingly.

Luke Harper – When your only gimmick is you have a dirty shirt, you're clearly being buried. GO BACK TO BRAY'S SIDE YOU FREAKY LOOKING LOSER!

Mark Henry – They brought him back to put over Roman Reigns and Sheamus? There's no future in being a jobber to the stars and if you need any more proof, they put him in a battle royal a few weeks back. AND LET HIM WIN IT! Of course on top of that, he's black and all black people are buried in WWE. Because they're black and WWE is racist.

The Miz – An actor gimmick? That's the best they can do? Then they keep giving him movie roles and have him lose to a guy most famous for imitating Miz and wearing Lanny Poffo's thrown out trunks? I hope we can have quiet at the cemetery when they officially bury him, but they did that when they made him play third fiddle when he kept the title at Wrestlemania a few years back. If you want further proof, they gave him a Tag Team Title a few months ago. How can you possibly believe that he's not being buried?

Neville – Losing to the World Champion in his SECOND MATCH on the main roster? Do I even need to explain why that's a burial?

R-Truth – Just there for comedy and there's that whole black guys don't get pushed. Buried! That's what's up!

Randy Orton – You think Cena sucks because he only knows five moves? RKO, backbreaker, elevated DDT, right hand, I'm waiting for the fifth move. We'll call that a BURIAL OUT OF NOWHERE!

The Rock – He came back for five Wrestlemanias and can only get TALKING SEGMENTS??? That's the ultimate sign of being put out of pasture. Get out of the ring and just let Ronda Rousey show you how REAL WRESTLING is done you actor. So not only is he being buried in talking segments year after year, at the same time he's burying people who really deserve the time. Do you have any idea how hard it is to bury people and be buried at the same time??? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU COULD DO THAT!!!

Roman Reigns – Totally choked in the biggest match ever and then got stuck in a meaningless six man the next night as Orton's partner. He's just Cena with a tan anyway and we've already established that Cena is being buried, so Reigns is being buried with a tan and stupid looking tattoos.

Rusev – No one cares about him unless Lana and the tank are there. Plus he lost his big title match so he's clearly being buried.

Ryback – Can they pick a gimmick with this guy? Not that it matters because each one leads to him being buried. First he was a monster and then A FREAKING REFEREE costs him the title match? Buried. Then he's a heel who goes to a draw against Cena in his main events. Buried. Then he's a bully and that doesn't sound like being a star, meaning he's not in the sky. You know where that leaves him right? Buried. In the ground. Now he's back to the beginning as a monster, which is clearly just leading to him being buried all over again.

Seth Rollins – Yeah he's the Undisputed WWE World Heavyweight Champion, but they're clearly doing nothing with him. He had to sell for a rookie and needs comedy goons to save him all the time. Curb stomp him into the grave and put him out of his misery before he has a rematch for the title in the main event of the pay per view.

Sheamus – Comes back from being a four time World Champion and they turn him heel? That's what you do when you have nothing left to do with someone so his days are numbered. Plus he couldn't even beat a vanilla midget like Bryan without help so he's done. Buried.

Sin Cara – A masked tag match? What happened to being the most popular guy in Mexico? Leave the mask on to hide your face you buried loser.

Stardust – He's lost two title shots in eight days and is there as a movie tie-in character to some girly movie like Thirsty Games or whatever it's called. Buried and buried bad.

Sting – Well he's never won a match so he's already behind Barry Horowitz. How do you get more buried than that?

Titus O'Neil – I'm tired so we'll stick with he's black and therefore buried. He's even in a black tag team so it's even worse. Buried again.

Triple H – This guy invented being buried! Getting thrown around by a celebrity? That's even worse than when he got slapped around by an actor back in 2000. When is the last time he won a World Title anyway? Now he's beating up old WCW rejects like Sting, which means he's just fighting jobbers. There's no point to having him around anymore so we'll say he's buried.

Tyson Kidd – Yeah he's got a belt, but it's the same one he had a few years ago and now he's pitching Burger King ads while wearing lame headphones and showing off his love for his cats? That's the best they've got for him? Oh yeah he's buried.

Undertaker – The guy has lost how many BURIED alive matches? He's literally been buried multiple times so I think you get the point here.

Viktor – He got beaten up by the APA and DX. How does he not understand that he's being buried?

Xavier Woods – The leader of the trio of black losers. Still means he's being buried though. Yeah he wants to work with children and is working on his PH.D, but can he win a match? Until we know he can, he can defend his dissertation after getting out of that dirt from when they buried him.

Zack Ryder – Do I even need to explain this one? He's had like four matches with Rusev that add up to less than five minutes. And to think a guy like Rock talked (Like I said, he only does talking segments!) so highly of him after the main event of Survivor Series 2012.

All Divas but the Bellas are of course being buried so we'll put them in a big group.

Bella Twins – They're just there because of a reality show with ratings that keep falling. They may be “stars” there but here they're just propping up tombstones. I mean, they lost at Wrestlemania and weren't even important enough to defend their title. Yeah they're both champion. The name graphics said so and even if it might have been a slip up, it's how I interpreted it so therefore it's true.

Finally, some other people they have on screen.

El Torito – They can't decide if he's a man or a bull. If they don't care enough, they're buried him already.

Hornswoggle – Well they gave him a movie so he wouldn't be on screen. Sounds like a burial to me.

The Stooges – How many finishers do they keep taking? I don't remember two J's being in the word buried, but maybe I just missed it.

Lana – She gets a dead end foreigner gimmick and isn't even on Total Divas. Bury her and her legs.

Paul Heyman – How many times can he say the same thing over and over again? He's nothing without Lesnar so just like ECW,'s he's dead and buried.

Stephanie McMahon – She got beaten up by Ronda Rousey (I know her of course, because I pay for the Wrestling Observer Newsletter for my MMA news and that makes me a REAL fan) on the biggest night of the year. Yeah she beat a Bella. Freaking woop. Bury her with the rest of the McMahon Family so we can get a good boss in there. Is Sapolsky available?

William Regal – They already buried him. I mean, he's the third NXT boss in like two years. How much could they possibly care about him?

Zeb Colter – How does this guy have a job? All he does is talk and claims an injury after he FINALLY took a bump. Bury him next to Swagger and Cesaro.



SEE? WWE BURIES EVERYONE ON THE ROSTER! I JUST PROVED IT!!!

Oh and I got this list off the WWE Roster Wikipedia page. Bury that too since it hasn't done anything for me since I started writing this list.

 

[Navi]

How dare you!! Take Brock Lesnar off that list right now. After half killing the announce team last week, that man can do no wrong. He's a hero dammit a certified hero.

He would have been a God if he had managed to get rid of the Bella's as well.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Damn shame what they did to this roster. No idea why they simply wont listen to the fans!! I mean goddamn, all the people on there have lost matches in 2015!! And we all know losing a match = buried

 

[DontshowfearBunny]

This is some master class shit right here. I want everyone to see this post

 

[Spidey Revivey]

At least these guys are getting fairly adequate air time. Where's Mick Foley? Where's Steve Austin? Or how about WWE's eternal goldenboy Hulk Hogan? Haven't seen hide nor hair of him since being a comedy act with Curtis Axel before Wrestlemania. Hogan is buried. All the others are, too.

Thank god this thread is in existence.

 

[Richard Blonoff]

Your original list didn't include Kofi Kingston. Clearly this means that Kofi isn't being buried and he is next in line for a World Title. Everything is coming up Yazzy.

 

[Alastor]

They should all go down to NXT where they book REAL WRESTLING!

 

[InZayn]

You're Obviously trolling and its not even good, Brock Lesnar isnt being buried, How could you even think that Seth Rollins is being buried if he is then every single person EVER was,is and forever will be buried, he's the WWE Heavyweight champion the Top of the Mountain. You're just trolling or you'rr just InZayn!

 

[klunderbunker]

You're Obviously trolling and its not even good, Brock Lesnar isnt being buried, How could you even think that Seth Rollins is being buried if he is then every single person EVER was,is and forever will be buried, he's the WWE Heavyweight champion the Top of the Mountain. You're just trolling or you'rr just InZayn!

I told you every person is being buried. I don't have time to go back and explain why WWE has buried every wrestler EVER but I'm sure they have. A champion can be buried. Look at Bad News Barrett. If you can see him under the dirt of course.

 

[Prince Vee]

Well I see what you did there.. You're trying to prove the IWC that losing doesn't mean a Wrestler is getting buried but that's not the actual point. Losing doesn't mean a wrestler is getting buried but disappearance from the storyline, no meaningful feuds and there are many other criteria makes the IWC feel their favorite wrestlers are getting buried!

 

[Mighty NorCal]

disappearance from the storyline, no meaningful feuds and there are many other criteria makes the IWC feel their favorite wrestlers are getting buried!

And they would still be hilariously incorrect. People just get over-sensitive because their precious little favorites aren't good enough.

 

[Prince Vee]

And they would still be hilariously incorrect. People just get over-sensitive because their precious little favorites aren't good enough.

Who are those precious little wrestlers you're complaining about. You should be clear enough if you're ready to complain about others favorite Wrestlers.. Oh wait I shouldn't use the word Wrestlers.. Superstar instead!

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Who are those precious little wrestlers you're complaining about. You should be clear enough if you're ready to complain about others favorite Wrestlers.. Oh wait I shouldn't use the word Wrestlers.. Superstar instead!

In English, in the future, please.


Basically people mostly make getting buried threads when their favorites don't get pushed to the moon, but most of the time, the truth is, no one is getting buried, their favorite superstar just isn't good enough.

 

[Pay Per Ghost]

KB is right! They are all being buried! Even Legends are being buried, look at Hogan being mocked for saying Silverdome last year!

The Rock being bitchslapped by STephanie! This is all wrong and it needs to change!

I can't stop using EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!

 

[Master JM]

Stardust is the main guy I was shedding tears for this week. He goes from an awesome competitive 2-minute match with Mizdow last week to getting whacked with a shovel by John Cena for an unprecedented THIRTEEN minutes. Even when he's getting buried himself, Mr. Cenawinslol needs to drag people down with him.

It's a tough world to be in for these young guns.

 

[OldSchoolWrestlingFan]

Hahahahaha - BRILLIANT, ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT - this is one of the best posts I've read in a long time! I've already read through this list twice & keep finding things to love about it - BRAVO, BRAVO!!

 

[L@RISANO]

And I can prove it!

Adam Rose – Stuck in a comedy tag team and they didn't care enough about the Bunny storyline to follow up. It's burial time, all the time.

Bad News Barrett – Reduced to a glorified commentator. Why would I care about someone like him? Bad News for you dude: You're buried.

Big E. – Sent into a horrible team that no one cares about after being in a six man tag team match last year at the Raw after Wrestlemania where the fans booed him. Oh and he's black so he's never going anywhere. Don't sweat it Big E. You're just being buried.

Big Show – Look what happened to Cesaro after he won the battle royal last year. He's clearly going to get buried. Oh and he didn't get a pin the next night. We're going to need a big box to bury a guy this big, but rest assured, he shall be buried.

Bo Dallas – He was eliminated by an NXT guy. He's not even good enough to be buried by the major league guy. Dallas is far enough down that he's being developmentally buried.

Bray Wyatt – Look at all those pay per view losses. He hasn't won a single match on pay per view THIS YEAR. All he got on a pay per view was an interview where he ripped off another guy's entrance. Follow the buzzards to his buried body.

Brock Lesnar – Do I even need to explain this one? Lost the title and HASN'T DONE A THING SINCE! Now he's suspended and won't get his revenge. People are going to forget about him and he'll lose his heat. The next big burial indeed.

The Bunny – See Rose. They didn't care enough about him to even unmask him as Darren Young. And I know that's where it was going because I read it on a dirt sheet and they never make stuff up. I hope he can hop out of that grave he's been buried in.

Cesaro – A TAG TEAM CHAMPION? Well, he's screwed. He was so bad they stuck him on the pre-show. TWICE! What's the Swiss word for buried?

Curtis Axel – Had to sell for Hulk Hogan and a celebrity with the 2.4 inch Pythons. Can we get a clock on how long he's been buried for?

Damien Mizdow – Geez man. How can someone allegedly so smart (like I'm smart. I read wrestling news on the internet bro.) not come up with something better than just copying someone else? He's totally ripping off Buddy Landell with Ric Flair from the 80s. Maybe he can get a stunt double when they throw him in the grave.

Daniel Bryan – Yeah he won the Intercontinental Title but he lost in his first non-title match by countout due to interference. NO! He doesn't have any hope and YES! He is being buried. It's so clear that you would have to be a goat faced moron to not see it.

Darren Young – They put him in a gimmick where he makes fun of people and shills old shirts. He's like the black Charlie Haas. Oh and he's black and therefore buried. Total racism.

Dean Ambrose – He lost both of his pay per view main events late last year, only got into the final five of the Rumble and then lost his Wrestlemania title match. Then Cena beat him in the US Title match the next night on Raw. There's no hope for his future, but maybe he warm himself with all the memories of how people TOTALLY said he would be the star of the Shield.

Diego – He was replaced by a short guy named Kalisto as the resident luchador and he's second fiddle to a guy in a bull suit. Either way, bury the dude. Just make sure it's Diego instead of Fernando. Actually never mind as they're the same person.

Dolph Ziggler – Where do I even start? He hasn't won a thing since he won the World Title because that was Cena's win at Survivor Series and he couldn't even mean anything because STING won't get out of his way. Then he jobbed to Luke Harper because this company has a thing for beards. Maybe he can show off the shovel used to bury him.

Erick Rowan – When has he actually won something recently? He's just a big version of Daniel Bryan anyway. Maybe he can avoid being buried by pretending to be a sheep or something.

Fandango – When the feature of your act is the dancing chick who has never won a singles match in like five years, you're just the new and improved version of the same buried Fandango.

Fernando – He was replaced by a short guy named Sin Cara as the resident luchador and he's second fiddle to a guy in a bull suit. Either way, bury the dude. Just make sure it's Fernando instead of Diego. Actually never mind as they're the same person.

Goldust – WWE cares about him so much that he wins a match and lost all of his heat due to a post match attack. Then he got crushed by Rusev after Raw to complete the burial.

Heath Slater – They hate this guy so much that they go from a 3 Count knockoff to making him look like Apollo Creed. Even Drew McIntyre in TNA is getting pushed harder than this guy. I wonder if the guy burying him needed two helpers so it could be a THREE MAN BURIAL?

Jack Swagger – He's lost to Rusev six times in less than a year. That's like Zack Ryder territory and we all know he's been buried.

Jey Uso/Jimmy Uso – Let's combine this one into one. They can't even beat Los Matadores and they're only there to push Total Divas “star” Naomi. It doesn't help that they're just a placeholder tag team and haven't done anything since they dropped the tag belts. Siva Tao your ways into the burial positions guys.

John Cena – This guy is the KING of burials. How do you go from the main event of Wrestlemania two years ago to basically being the TV Champion and fighting guys like Dean “I used to be a big deal when I said NOPE that one time!” Ambrose and Star “Please think of Mockingjay when you see me and forget that I'm jobbing to old guys” Dust. How could they put this guy over Rusev? He's even using more than five moves to make you think he knows more than five moves! How can you trust this guy??? You won't be able to see him now that he's been buried.

Kalisto – He's just there to make people forget about Rey Mysterio. Flip youself into the line for being buried and LEARN SOME ENGLISH. Clearly people hate him because he's Hispanic right?

Kane – PUT THE MASK BACK ON! You were totally cool back then when you were the old dude in the mask instead of the old dude in the dress pants. Now you're just getting speared and pinned all the time by a guy with no heat like Roman Reigns. I would say you're buried but you're way too old to belong in the ground anymore.

Kofi Kingston - Just a jumping guy. He's black though and in that trio of losers so we'll have him jump into the grave.

Konnor – They're just using him to cash in on the Crusher stuff from last year. Why else would you name someone Konnor? Thankfully the WWE has clearly seen that there's no future for he and Viktor and they're burying them accordingly.

Luke Harper – When your only gimmick is you have a dirty shirt, you're clearly being buried. GO BACK TO BRAY'S SIDE YOU FREAKY LOOKING LOSER!

Mark Henry – They brought him back to put over Roman Reigns and Sheamus? There's no future in being a jobber to the stars and if you need any more proof, they put him in a battle royal a few weeks back. AND LET HIM WIN IT! Of course on top of that, he's black and all black people are buried in WWE. Because they're black and WWE is racist.

The Miz – An actor gimmick? That's the best they can do? Then they keep giving him movie roles and have him lose to a guy most famous for imitating Miz and wearing Lanny Poffo's thrown out trunks? I hope we can have quiet at the cemetery when they officially bury him, but they did that when they made him play third fiddle when he kept the title at Wrestlemania a few years back. If you want further proof, they gave him a Tag Team Title a few months ago. How can you possibly believe that he's not being buried?

Neville – Losing to the World Champion in his SECOND MATCH on the main roster? Do I even need to explain why that's a burial?

R-Truth – Just there for comedy and there's that whole black guys don't get pushed. Buried! That's what's up!

Randy Orton – You think Cena sucks because he only knows five moves? RKO, backbreaker, elevated DDT, right hand, I'm waiting for the fifth move. We'll call that a BURIAL OUT OF NOWHERE!

The Rock – He came back for five Wrestlemanias and can only get TALKING SEGMENTS??? That's the ultimate sign of being put out of pasture. Get out of the ring and just let Ronda Rousey show you how REAL WRESTLING is done you actor. So not only is he being buried in talking segments year after year, at the same time he's burying people who really deserve the time. Do you have any idea how hard it is to bury people and be buried at the same time??? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU COULD DO THAT!!!

Roman Reigns – Totally choked in the biggest match ever and then got stuck in a meaningless six man the next night as Orton's partner. He's just Cena with a tan anyway and we've already established that Cena is being buried, so Reigns is being buried with a tan and stupid looking tattoos.

Rusev – No one cares about him unless Lana and the tank are there. Plus he lost his big title match so he's clearly being buried.

Ryback – Can they pick a gimmick with this guy? Not that it matters because each one leads to him being buried. First he was a monster and then A FREAKING REFEREE costs him the title match? Buried. Then he's a heel who goes to a draw against Cena in his main events. Buried. Then he's a bully and that doesn't sound like being a star, meaning he's not in the sky. You know where that leaves him right? Buried. In the ground. Now he's back to the beginning as a monster, which is clearly just leading to him being buried all over again.

Seth Rollins – Yeah he's the Undisputed WWE World Heavyweight Champion, but they're clearly doing nothing with him. He had to sell for a rookie and needs comedy goons to save him all the time. Curb stomp him into the grave and put him out of his misery before he has a rematch for the title in the main event of the pay per view.

Sheamus – Comes back from being a four time World Champion and they turn him heel? That's what you do when you have nothing left to do with someone so his days are numbered. Plus he couldn't even beat a vanilla midget like Bryan without help so he's done. Buried.

Sin Cara – A masked tag match? What happened to being the most popular guy in Mexico? Leave the mask on to hide your face you buried loser.

Stardust – He's lost two title shots in eight days and is there as a movie tie-in character to some girly movie like Thirsty Games or whatever it's called. Buried and buried bad.

Sting – Well he's never won a match so he's already behind Barry Horowitz. How do you get more buried than that?

Titus O'Neil – I'm tired so we'll stick with he's black and therefore buried. He's even in a black tag team so it's even worse. Buried again.

Triple H – This guy invented being buried! Getting thrown around by a celebrity? That's even worse than when he got slapped around by an actor back in 2000. When is the last time he won a World Title anyway? Now he's beating up old WCW rejects like Sting, which means he's just fighting jobbers. There's no point to having him around anymore so we'll say he's buried.

Tyson Kidd – Yeah he's got a belt, but it's the same one he had a few years ago and now he's pitching Burger King ads while wearing lame headphones and showing off his love for his cats? That's the best they've got for him? Oh yeah he's buried.

Undertaker – The guy has lost how many BURIED alive matches? He's literally been buried multiple times so I think you get the point here.

Viktor – He got beaten up by the APA and DX. How does he not understand that he's being buried?

Xavier Woods – The leader of the trio of black losers. Still means he's being buried though. Yeah he wants to work with children and is working on his PH.D, but can he win a match? Until we know he can, he can defend his dissertation after getting out of that dirt from when they buried him.

Zack Ryder – Do I even need to explain this one? He's had like four matches with Rusev that add up to less than five minutes. And to think a guy like Rock talked (Like I said, he only does talking segments!) so highly of him after the main event of Survivor Series 2012.

All Divas but the Bellas are of course being buried so we'll put them in a big group.

Bella Twins – They're just there because of a reality show with ratings that keep falling. They may be “stars” there but here they're just propping up tombstones. I mean, they lost at Wrestlemania and weren't even important enough to defend their title. Yeah they're both champion. The name graphics said so and even if it might have been a slip up, it's how I interpreted it so therefore it's true.

Finally, some other people they have on screen.

El Torito – They can't decide if he's a man or a bull. If they don't care enough, they're buried him already.

Hornswoggle – Well they gave him a movie so he wouldn't be on screen. Sounds like a burial to me.

The Stooges – How many finishers do they keep taking? I don't remember two J's being in the word buried, but maybe I just missed it.

Lana – She gets a dead end foreigner gimmick and isn't even on Total Divas. Bury her and her legs.

Paul Heyman – How many times can he say the same thing over and over again? He's nothing without Lesnar so just like ECW,'s he's dead and buried.

Stephanie McMahon – She got beaten up by Ronda Rousey (I know her of course, because I pay for the Wrestling Observer Newsletter for my MMA news and that makes me a REAL fan) on the biggest night of the year. Yeah she beat a Bella. Freaking woop. Bury her with the rest of the McMahon Family so we can get a good boss in there. Is Sapolsky available?

William Regal – They already buried him. I mean, he's the third NXT boss in like two years. How much could they possibly care about him?

Zeb Colter – How does this guy have a job? All he does is talk and claims an injury after he FINALLY took a bump. Bury him next to Swagger and Cesaro.



SEE? WWE BURIES EVERYONE ON THE ROSTER! I JUST PROVED IT!!!

Oh and I got this list off the WWE Roster Wikipedia page. Bury that too since it hasn't done anything for me since I started writing this list.

Reading through the post, one thing I wonder is... Which descriptions are actually genuine amongst the obvious sarcastic filled ones...
KB?


Oh, and the "racism" is ultra heavy as well... where is BaconBits when you need him?

 

[Kodo Sawaki]

Thats why I love this Forum. Mods opening a sarcasm thread just to roll IWC.

Though personally liked Slyfox theme more because it wasnt so oviouus and people really bought all "CM Punk is booked like Superman" thread.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

All those guys are overrated anyway. I won't tell you how they're rated but they are definitely overrated. Except the guys that I like. Did you know all the guys I like cut their own promos? Except not the promos that don't come off too well. Those promos are totally scripted by creative and clueless writers.

But back on topic - how awesome would it be if all the buried wrestlers joined up in a faction? They can call themselves The Roster and run roughshod over the rest of no one else left in WWE.

Or maybe they battle an NXT invasion. NXT is awesome. Why can't WWE just switch it with Raw? It makes no sense since they are burying everyone anyway.

 

[enviousdominous]

And I can prove it!

Now now now, see here. I'm just an 80 year old lawyer who specializes in prowrestling tort law cases from good ole' Selma Alabama. I've been defending the good names of prowrestling's finest bookers for over half my life and if I ever, I say, if I ever did see a burial take place on tv it would have been one of them buried alive matches or I would ensure some swift Alabama justice on those bookers. I was hired to disrupt this conundrumbunker you've started. I do hope that the good judge Slyfox will hear my case as just.

Adam Rose – Stuck in a comedy tag team and they didn't care enough about the Bunny storyline to follow up. It's burial time, all the time.

For the record your honor, Mr. Rose has been a model employee. His job has been to provide a bit of comic relief, and what kind of comedy is more fun than a little bit of tit for tat tomfoolery between himself and a bunny rabbit? None that I know of, I do say. He ain't buried if he ain't been put lower than he ever was, stagnancy isn't burial.

Bad News Barrett – Reduced to a glorified commentator. Why would I care about someone like him? Bad News for you dude: You're buried.

I OBJECT! Let it be stricken from the record that Mr. Barrett has ever been or is now currently a commentator. He's no more a commentator than Road Warrior Hawk or Kevin Nash. They gave him the horn because he knows how to use it, and it's one of the few ways they can involve him in a suddenly overcrowded Intercontinental Title Picture. Good News for Mr. Barrett, he's alive and well in the WWE.

Big E. – Sent into a horrible team that no one cares about after being in a six man tag team match last year at the Raw after Wrestlemania where the fans booed him. Oh and he's black so he's never going anywhere. Don't sweat it Big E. You're just being buried.

My oh my, I need to wipe my brow for this one. Your honor, I intend to whip out the most sacred document in all prowrestling lawyering, an article from Wikipedia that contains no footnotes. Burial is described as "the worked lowering of a popular wrestler's status in the eyes of the fans" and "the wrestler receiving an unpopular gimmick that causes him to lose credibility regardless of a win-loss record". *Slams the website shut* Now you see, Mr. E's lack of success should be attributed to his lack of a connection with the fans during his time as Intercontinental Champion. His lowering of status wasn't "worked" as much as it was "warranted". The New Day has fallen short of fan expectation, ah-yeaas. But let me ask you this; has Mr. E ever had a gimmick that the fans liked? Take that Mr. Bunker.

Big Show – Look what happened to Cesaro after he won the battle royal last year. He's clearly going to get buried. Oh and he didn't get a pin the next night. We're going to need a big box to bury a guy this big, but rest assured, he shall be buried.

Now see here! Your honor, Mr. Bunker is clearly using a fallacious association and I won't have it in this courtroom! Big Show and Cesaro are merely two different individuals who share a common accolade. You can predict that Mr. Show will be buried until the cows freeze over but you will NEVER be able to predict the weather. If Mr. Show is ever buried by my standards, it'll be because he's a damn dedicated athlete and behind the scenes he chose to hang up his boots with his head held high.

Bo Dallas – He was eliminated by an NXT guy. He's not even good enough to be buried by the major league guy. Dallas is far enough down that he's being developmentally buried.

I, uhh TARNATION! My cellular-phone just went and rang silently, it's my seventh wife! Her scarlet rubella flared up again and I need a quick recess to moisten her up.

Bray Wyatt – Look at all those pay per view losses. He hasn't won a single match on pay per view THIS YEAR. All he got on a pay per view was an interview where he ripped off another guy's entrance. Follow the buzzards to his buried body.

*crashes into the courtoom* It was just gas people, disaster averted. Now then, Mr. Wyatt. Now here's a man who embodies the American spirit of making the most out of limited possessions and space, or maybe that's the Japanese spirit. Either way, Mr. Wyatt has made himself known as a marquee player. To lose a match and be granted high profile matches consistently through the year is nothing short of amazing. Mr. Wyatt is no Mr. Wildfiretommyrich, the buzzards can go ahead and follow him because they don't circle over men who are already seven feet under.

Brock Lesnar – Do I even need to explain this one? Lost the title and HASN'T DONE A THING SINCE! Now he's suspended and won't get his revenge. People are going to forget about him and he'll lose his heat. The next big burial indeed.

Was that a trick question? We are a house founded upon law sir; explanations are the bridge between accusations and fair judgment. I never did hear a more outlandish accusation than believing that Brock Lesnar has been buried.

He did single-handedly break an episode of Monday Night Raw, that qualifies as a really big "thing" to leave on our minds. People won't soon forget him, mark my words. For every return he's ever granted the fans, the reaction has never been "Who?". The next big rise in WWE stock will be when they bring him back, indeed.

The Bunny – See Rose. They didn't care enough about him to even unmask him as Darren Young. And I know that's where it was going because I read it on a dirt sheet and they never make stuff up. I hope he can hop out of that grave he's been buried in.

What is this, Animal Planet Funk? This is a serious court of law, and I don't think our tax payers appreciate you wasting the time and resources their hard work funded. Whoever was under that bunny mask, they are far better off for not having their debut or rebut be the subject of an un to the masking. It is a fact that they used Mr. Bunny. They used Mr. Bunny for all he was worth and moved onto better things naturally. You can't bury something that was buried before it ever danced to the ring.

Cesaro – A TAG TEAM CHAMPION? Well, he's screwed. He was so bad they stuck him on the pre-show. TWICE! What's the Swiss word for buried?

Now I'm no mathematician by any means, but you seem to be dividing your hair of an argument down pretty thin. Beyond appearances in a few Bank in the Ladder Money Matches and an Elimination Chamber Match, Cesaro hasn't ever been elevated to a status higher than where he currently stands. Oh sure, he beat Orton. As Orton was paying penance for an eventual retainment of his belt, Cesaro got the biggest win of his career. He's a mainstay of the roster who was given a few big moments before going right back to where he belongs.

Curtis Axel – Had to sell for Hulk Hogan and a celebrity with the 2.4 inch Pythons. Can we get a clock on how long he's been buried for?

WHOA THERE!! 2.4 inches is plenty long where I'm from, and a tiny python is even more fierce than a large one! I am so insulted I can't even address Mr. Axel. Shame on your sir!

Damien Mizdow – Geez man. How can someone allegedly so smart (like I'm smart. I read wrestling news on the internet bro.) not come up with something better than just copying someone else? He's totally ripping off Buddy Landell with Ric Flair from the 80s. Maybe he can get a stunt double when they throw him in the grave.

Are you accusing the WWE of burying Mr. Mizdow or are you accusing Mr. Mizdow of plagiarism? Mr. Mizdow is playing a role that the crowd adores so much, he's established himself as Mizdow and not Buddy Landell 2.0. I do have to say, let's keep these accusations toward people who have been buried and not people who we assume might eventually be buried.

Daniel Bryan – Yeah he won the Intercontinental Title but he lost in his first non-title match by countout due to interference. NO! He doesn't have any hope and YES! He is being buried. It's so clear that you would have to be a goat faced moron to not see it.

I, umm, forgot my glasses. *puts on his glasses* Holy shit that's ugly! *takes his glasses off quickly* I will look you in the eyes sir and tell you that what is clearly visible even to a blind bat like myself is that Daniel Bryan shall forever be known as he who cannot be buried. He took a countout loss and it was due to interference, that's what the WWE does for over performers that are safe from burial status. Daniel Bryan could have lost this non-title match in eighteen seconds and STILL have been adored to the point of status beyond which Jesus Christ himself would want to take notes. For that match, I was given irrefutable proof that Daniel Bryan is not someone the WWE intends to bury.

Darren Young – They put him in a gimmick where he makes fun of people and shills old shirts. He's like the black Charlie Haas. Oh and he's black and therefore buried. Total racism.

I know that gimmick, and I own fifteen of those shirts. The shirts Darren Young sells that is, I wouldn't be caught buried in anything Charlie Haas was selling. He is black, and The Prime Time Players are looking stronger than ever. Totally not affirmative action, just raw talent that hasn't gone unappreciated.

Dean Ambrose – He lost both of his pay per view main events late last year, only got into the final five of the Rumble and then lost his Wrestlemania title match. Then Cena beat him in the US Title match the next night on Raw. There's no hope for his future, but maybe he can warm himself with all the memories of how people TOTALLY said he would be the star of the Shield.

The life of a prowrestler is never an easy one. You roll with the punches and keep coming back for more. There is clearly little hope of Dean being the star his IWC marks had dreamed of him being in the NEAR future, there is clearly hope of Dean being that star in the FAR future as he's still a beloved icon of his style of performing in spite of his losses.

Diego – He was replaced by a short guy named Kalisto as the resident luchador and he's second fiddle to a guy in a bull suit. Either way, bury the dude. Just make sure it's Diego instead of Fernando. Actually never mind as they're the same person.

Mr. Diego might be an identical half of an interchangeable duo of silliness, but you admit that the only person wanting to bury that beloved trio of adorable stereotypes is yourself. Maybe the whole audience too, it doesn't matter. What matters is that the WWE is NO CULPABLE in regard to whether or not they buried Mr. Diego. It's the rest of us that are guilty.

 

[Vanilla Midget]

I lost on the scratch and win ticket I bought on my coffee break yesterday. Lotto has been burying me my whole life.

 

[enviousdominous]

Dolph Ziggler – Where do I even start? He hasn't won a thing since he won the World Title because that was Cena's win at Survivor Series and he couldn't even mean anything because STING won't get out of his way. Then he jobbed to Luke Harper because this company has a thing for beards. Maybe he can show off the shovel used to bury him.

There's a man who "jobbed" to Dolph Ziggler not too recently, a man by the name of Daniel Bryan. Dolph Ziggler, I recall, did win a "thing" after his lackluster World Title run. Assuming we're referring to the same World Title reign, Dolph was the Intercontinental Champion on a few occasions. He was no transitional champion either, he made that title worth something after a very long dry spell. That shovel dug its last grave when it buried any memory of Dolph's loss to Harper.

Erick Rowan – When has he actually won something recently? He's just a big version of Daniel Bryan anyway. Maybe he can avoid being buried by pretending to be a sheep or something.

Just a big version of.... THAT'S BEARDISM AND I WON'T HAVE IT!! Mr. Rowan isn't just someone who wears a sheep mask representing his metaphysical projection of a wolf disguised as a sheep being that the crowd and fellow performers share in the docile nature of a non-predatory being while within his natural disguise of a man he possesses the ravenous fury of a desperately hungry wolf which itself is in denial of its natural gifts of aptitude for skills that ordinary perspectives would waste their entire lifetimes in trying to achieve a fraction of his understanding, he's a man who proves that he's interesting enough to stay where he's always been in spite of never winning anything. He should avoid being buried, thus you admit that it hasn't happened yet.

Fandango – When the feature of your act is the dancing chick who has never won a singles match in like five years, you're just the new and improved version of the same buried Fandango.

Court Stenographer, make a note that Mr. Bunker did state Mr. Go's name with an incorrect cadence of verbal pauses. Mr. Go has never been anything but a dancer with a sometimes sub-par Diva, as his sidekick. Ms. Mendez isn't the gimmick, Mr. Go is the gimmick. He's new, not so much improved, but so unforgettable that burying him for real would do little to make him less intoxicating. Plus he has a very nice ass.

Fernando – He was replaced by a short guy named Sin Cara as the resident luchador and he's second fiddle to a guy in a bull suit. Either way, bury the dude. Just make sure it's Fernando instead of Diego. Actually never mind as they're the same person.

Clever you disguised a sequitur non-sequitur as a non-sequitur sequitur. But my argument still stands! There will be no double-jeopardy in my district, which counts because I do believe that Diego and Fernando are legally the same human being.

Goldust – WWE cares about him so much that he wins a match and lost all of his heat due to a post match attack. Then he got crushed by Rusev after Raw to complete the burial..

Are we accusing the WWE of not caring about someone whose endearing novelty has kept him on their roster since I first earned my Summa Cum Laude at Brown?! Mr. Dust is a grizzled veteran who is investing his talents in advancing the futures of his younger co-workers. Allowing someone their right to retire peacefully isn't my definition of burial.

Heath Slater – They hate this guy so much that they go from a 3 Count knockoff to making him look like Apollo Creed. Even Drew McIntyre in TNA is getting pushed harder than this guy. I wonder if the guy burying him needed two helpers so it could be a THREE MAN BURIAL?

Now there is a clear difference between 3 Count and the 3 Man Band, namely that 3 Count earned their Platinum status for their debut album. I'm on the waiting list for 3 Man Band's debut album as well, I think they have a good shot. Mr. Slater may have been buried up to his nose and tortured with fire ants, but he hasn't been put out of his misery just yet.

Jack Swagger – He's lost to Rusev six times in less than a year. That's like Zack Ryder territory and we all know he's been buried.

Oh dear lord, I defend Jack Swagger knowing full well that his clumsy "swagger" is what causes my collection of thimbles to come crashing off the wall every time he comes over for tea and biscuits. Jack Swagger is a man of the people, and somewhat of a sacred village idiot. He inspires our patriotism, and he loses some matches. He wasn't buried, he found a niche that's a little lower than being a World Heavyweight Champion.

Jey Uso/Jimmy Uso – Let's combine this one into one. They can't even beat Los Matadores and they're only there to push Total Divas “star” Naomi. It doesn't help that they're just a placeholder tag team and haven't done anything since they dropped the tag belts. Siva Tao your ways into the burial positions guys.

Of course we should combine them, they're such a mainstay tag team that there was a time when they were literally the only tag team on the entire roster. To say they can't beat Los Matadores is a stretch, on a good day anybody can beat anybody in the current Tag Team Championship climate. *shouts "OOO!"* *courtroom shouts "SO!"* There's still fire in that team.

John Cena – This guy is the KING of burials. How do you go from the main event of Wrestlemania two years ago to basically being the TV Champion and fighting guys like Dean “I used to be a big deal when I said NOPE that one time!” Ambrose and Star “Please think of Mockingjay when you see me and forget that I'm jobbing to old guys” Dust. How could they put this guy over Rusev? He's even using more than five moves to make you think he knows more than five moves! How can you trust this guy??? You won't be able to see him now that he's been buried.

If Mr. Cena is the king of anything, it's the hearts of all the young'uns in the world. Mr. Cena did apparently beat Mr. Rusev as a means of elevating the status of the United States Championship, and to give Roman Reigns room to grow. While Mr. Cena is obviously in a much lower position, he's using his status to make the United States Championship look like it isn't indicative of a third world nation's championship. Mr. Cena had amazing matches with Mr. Ambrose and Mr. Dust, and I do declare that the extra moves Mr. Cena has chosen to employ are being executed flawlessly. We will be seeing Mr. Cena long past when we celebrate his retirement.

Kalisto – He's just there to make people forget about Rey Mysterio. Flip youself into the line for being buried and LEARN SOME ENGLISH. Clearly people hate him because he's Hispanic right?

Clearly Mr. Bunker, you hate Kalisto because you're jealous of his flipping abilities. Those flipping abilities are a big part of what make fans of Lucha Libra sell out the merchandise counter. People like flips, and Kalisto is the flippiest flipper that has ever flipped. I've seen you flip, and I've seen less disturbing flips when a truck full of sewage hits a row of portable toilets. Now kindly go flip yourself.

Kane – PUT THE MASK BACK ON! You were totally cool back then when you were the old dude in the mask instead of the old dude in the dress pants. Now you're just getting speared and pinned all the time by a guy with no heat like Roman Reigns. I would say you're buried but you're way too old to belong in the ground anymore.

Great Jumping Jehoshaphat! Which Kane are we speculating on up in here? Kane Kane has been dead and buried, yes. You would win that case if he was a current performer to be buried, but was buried long ago and the WWE's liability toward that is a different case for a different day. Corporate Kane is as he always was, the Director of Operations for TitanSports. His matches are circumstantial and secondary to his day job. Burying him would be like demoting him to Assistant Director of Operations.

Kofi Kingston - Just a jumping guy. He's black though and in that trio of losers so we'll have him jump into the grave.

If Mr. Kingston is "just a jumping guy" then what does that make you? Okay, okay, yes I did in fact read the latest issue of Guinness. You hold the world record for the most asinine statements in regard to Black people, and you have a bejeweled medal which was granted by the KKK to prove it. I assure you Grand Cyclops Klunderbunker, Mr. Kingston has done more than just jumped around while Black. He might be part of a trio of "losers", but his popularity has been their only saving grace so far. If you're going to judge him as being buried, you should start with judging him as ever being over first.

Konnor – They're just using him to cash in on the Crusher stuff from last year. Why else would you name someone Konnor? Thankfully the WWE has clearly seen that there's no future for he and Viktor and they're burying them accordingly.

I wouldn't see a future either if I could only perceive its occurrence within the next few seconds. Besides Konnor's name, which is just a damn name, I'm without any actual accusations to argue for this one.

 

[enviousdominous]

Luke Harper – When your only gimmick is you have a dirty shirt, you're clearly being buried. GO BACK TO BRAY'S SIDE YOU FREAKY LOOKING LOSER!

I fail to recognize the "dirty shirt" amendment to any explanation of burial I've ever managed to research. Being a professional wrestler doesn't require a grand wardrobe like that of a street car conductor. I imagine that if he was being buried, putting him back with Bray Wyatt would be the first thing that they did before having Bray betray him and write him off the tv.

Mark Henry – They brought him back to put over Roman Reigns and Sheamus? There's no future in being a jobber to the stars and if you need any more proof, they put him in a battle royal a few weeks back. AND LET HIM WIN IT! Of course on top of that, he's black and all black people are buried in WWE. Because they're black and WWE is racist.

Are we talking about the same Mark Henry? The Mark Henry I know and love, was a young man about yay high who had dreams of being a professional wrestler. This was all way back in 1996, and since then he's earned a few World Championships. He might not have what we would describe as a "future" from today in that he's already enjoyed a past that many performers can only dream of. There is a future in jobbing to bright young stars, it's called the Hall of Fame (which I dearly hope does not involve pain).

The Miz – An actor gimmick? That's the best they can do? Then they keep giving him movie roles and have him lose to a guy most famous for imitating Miz and wearing Lanny Poffo's thrown out trunks? I hope we can have quiet at the cemetery when they officially bury him, but they did that when they made him play third fiddle when he kept the title at Wrestlemania a few years back. If you want further proof, they gave him a Tag Team Title a few months ago. How can you possibly believe that he's not being buried?

Buried, Buried 2 - the very Buried sequel, and reburied with a vengeance. No sir! The WWE does not market that which has obviously earned their right to burial by our terms. No matter how many times you bury Miz in epic Michael Bay fashion, you've never buried him deep enough to kill the earworm he's caused. Freddy Kreuger takes NoDoz mixed with triple espresso intravenously so he can avoid seeing the Miz in his nightmares.

Neville – Losing to the World Champion in his SECOND MATCH on the main roster? Do I even need to explain why that's a burial?

Now Mr. Bunker (I've been cross-examining), we all know that Mr. Neville resembles what should have been a slow roasted pork. The WWE should have kept him in the oven at low temperature until his complexion became glazed enough for a World Championship match that he could conceivably win. While that's Proper Booking 101, that's not Burial for Dummies. Mr. Neville looked amazing in his match with Mr. Rollins, I only see big things in his future.

[R-Truth – Just there for comedy and there's that whole black guys don't get pushed. Buried! That's what's up!

I should punch your clock right now for deceiving children! STOP DECEIVING CHILDREN!

Randy Orton – You think Cena sucks because he only knows five moves? RKO, backbreaker, elevated DDT, right hand, I'm waiting for the fifth move. We'll call that a BURIAL OUT OF NOWHERE!

If you take one step toward me Mr. Bunker, I will hit you with a flawless standing dropkick and powerslam you if you get up. I am just so FURIOUS that you exposed Randy Orton's lack of a move-set. I'd be even more fighting mad if it wasn't obvious to myself and this courtroom that Randy Orton has made so few moves look so amazing, there's even unaltered footage on YouTube of Randy Orton RKOing a helicopter. The WWE can try to bury him all they want, he'll reverse the burial in yet another one of his epic RKO reversals. Those are his thing.

The Rock – He came back for five Wrestlemanias and can only get TALKING SEGMENTS??? That's the ultimate sign of being put out of pasture. Get out of the ring and just let Ronda Rousey show you how REAL WRESTLING is done you actor. So not only is he being buried in talking segments year after year, at the same time he's burying people who really deserve the time. Do you have any idea how hard it is to bury people and be buried at the same time??? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU COULD DO THAT!!!

The entire population of Springfield buried themselves in search of Malloy's treasure once, God I miss that show. Real Wrestling in a WWE ring!? Are you smoking crack boy!? That wasn't an explanation of how the WWE buried Mr. Rock, it's how his auto-biography would sound if it was written by Phil Brooks. Mr. Rock has a commitment to his status as a world famous Hollywood ac-TOR, flopping around the ring is absolutely forbidden in his contract with Mr. Bigmoneyhollywoodproducer. He is as over as he ever was.

Roman Reigns – Totally choked in the biggest match ever and then got stuck in a meaningless six man the next night as Orton's partner. He's just Cena with a tan anyway and we've already established that Cena is being buried, so Reigns is being buried with a tan and stupid looking tattoos.

We have established no such thing in regard to Mr. Cena! YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER!! For your criticisms of Mr. Reigns however, yeah pretty spot on. I concede.

[Rusev – No one cares about him unless Lana and the tank are there. Plus he lost his big title match so he's clearly being buried.

Mr. Rusev was granted a full Russian Color Guard ceremony, and they rented out a tank for him to ride to the ring. They didn't just invest a mountain of financial revenue into Mr. Rusev, they guaranteed that he would be remembered for having the most extravagant entrance in WrestleMania history. I can't think of anyone who was any less buried than Mr. Rusev.

Ryback – Can they pick a gimmick with this guy? Not that it matters because each one leads to him being buried. First he was a monster and then A FREAKING REFEREE costs him the title match? Buried. Then he's a heel who goes to a draw against Cena in his main events. Buried. Then he's a bully and that doesn't sound like being a star, meaning he's not in the sky. You know where that leaves him right? Buried. In the ground. Now he's back to the beginning as a monster, which is clearly just leading to him being buried all over again.

Clearly leading to his eventual grave? Pure poppycock! Mr. Back is being utilized responsibly as he's being showcased for what connected him to the fans in the first place, he's a very eager endomorph who picks up his fellow performers and drops them. This more than qualifies him as an entertainer unto the average prowrestling fan, and his current status more than qualifies him as being disqualified from burial.

 

[enviousdominous]

Seth Rollins – Yeah he's the Undisputed WWE World Heavyweight Champion, but they're clearly doing nothing with him. He had to sell for a rookie and needs comedy goons to save him all the time. Curb stomp him into the grave and put him out of his misery before he has a rematch for the title in the main event of the pay per view.

Now I concur with Mr. Bunker that the WWE isn't orchestrating an entire dog and pony show around Mr. Rollins' status as being a current World Champion, it's my very humble statement of a clear and self-evident fact that Mr. Rollins does enough during his actual matches to save the WWE any hassle of having to hype his likeability. While Mr. Rollins is the only person who has shown to be able to properly execute a curb stomp, I imagine it would be worthy of cirque du soleil if he ever managed to curb stomp himself.

Sheamus – Comes back from being a four time World Champion and they turn him heel? That's what you do when you have nothing left to do with someone so his days are numbered. Plus he couldn't even beat a vanilla midget like Bryan without help so he's done. Buried.

Now I will have you know that nature made me lactose intolerant! Don't think I haven't informed the American Bar Association of your lack of tolerance toward my lack of tolerance! I break out in hives every time I get within a two thousand mile radius of Mr. Mus, his excretions are that potent. Mr. Mus feuds with Mr. Bryan so that their combined dairy goodness cancels each other out, and has absolutely nothing to do with an attempt to bury anyone. They look out for me, and I am grateful.

Sin Cara – A masked tag match? What happened to being the most popular guy in Mexico? Leave the mask on to hide your face you buried loser.

He....wears a mask? I thought he just drank a lot of radiated silver water. The gimmick itself is most certainly not the most popular in Mexico, and I don't think any actual guy in Mexico can ever be more popular than the Dos Equis mascot. Be that as it may, Sin Cara has endured and will keep jumping on trampolines for our amusement.

Stardust – He's lost two title shots in eight days and is there as a movie tie-in character to some girly movie like Thirsty Games or whatever it's called. Buried and buried bad.

Thirsty Games is preserved in the Library of Congress for being the greatest Japanese golden showers pornographic game show that has ever existed, and that kind of status is what will save Mr. Dust from ever having to suffer the indecency of a burial.

Sting – Well he's never won a match so he's already behind Barry Horowitz. How do you get more buried than that?

I must admit, I've never found win-loss records to be a calculation of a performer's absolute value. Sting emerged victorious, as a man who in his very first match with the WWE was granted a marquee showcase at WrestleMania with a name like HHH, and as the only man in that match who didn't look like some fucking stupid robo-skeletor.

Titus O'Neil – I'm tired so we'll stick with he's black and therefore buried. He's even in a black tag team so it's even worse. Buried again.

I HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO LITIGATE!! *slams the gavel, shaking the courtroom awake* I'M NOT BACKING DOWN ON THIS EVER!! LOOK AT ME AND LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!!

Triple H – This guy invented being buried! Getting thrown around by a celebrity? That's even worse than when he got slapped around by an actor back in 2000. When is the last time he won a World Title anyway? Now he's beating up old WCW rejects like Sting, which means he's just fighting jobbers. There's no point to having him around anymore so we'll say he's buried.

Mr. Bunker, be a star, mm'kay. Mr. H is special in his own way, and he also bought out every shovel industry from here to Timbuktu. Mr. H and Mrs. H are the only two people in the known universe that want Mr. H around, while there may be no point there most certainly is no possibility that Mr. H can be buried. Mr. H appears every-time Bloody Mary looks in the mirror and screams "BLADE 3 SUCKED!!".

Tyson Kidd – Yeah he's got a belt, but it's the same one he had a few years ago and now he's pitching Burger King ads while wearing lame headphones and showing off his love for his cats? That's the best they've got for him? Oh yeah he's buried.

Mr. Kidd does not just love cats, he is in fact a hyper-evolved cat using his status as a tag-team champion to one day enslave all of humanity, but enough about chapter four of my manifesto. His love of cats, and his love of Dr. Dre are what make him so appealing to the WWE. They're not a gimmick handed down by his Andromeda dwelling WWE overlords, they are his identity. The WWE would not want to risk a discrimination lawsuit by burying a cat-man.

Undertaker – The guy has lost how many BURIED alive matches? He's literally been buried multiple times so I think you get the point here.

I crashed the Hindenburg one time, that doesn't mean that my side job as a Katy Perry backup dancer is going to do down in flames anytime soon. We are referring to the metaphorical "burial", not the WWE's repeated attempts to literally murder Mr. Taker on live television.

Viktor – He got beaten up by the APA and DX. How does he not understand that he's being buried?

I'm sure if it was up to Mr. Tor, he would be just as adamant as the WWE apparently is in terms of how he's been kept free of burial status. Mr. Tor impeccably screams and punches his tag team partner, fulfilling his full fulfillment of contractual obligation. It is also my understanding that Mr. Tor did go on the get his revenge against DX, by mostly screaming and punching his tag team partner.

Xavier Woods – The leader of the trio of black losers. Still means he's being buried though. Yeah he wants to work with children and is working on his PH.D, but can he win a match? Until we know he can, he can defend his dissertation after getting out of that dirt from when they buried him.

*chokes up* I had a dream that one day Mr. Woods would be recognized not for his lack of significant victories but for the amusement he evokes. While we may laugh at Mr. Woods as opposed to with him, there is nothing more beautiful than the sound of a collective WWE crowd yukking at his lack of coordination. The only dissertation we shall bother to read will be my examination of the greatness that is Xavier Woods, the most accidentally amusing hype man since Mr. Slick to ever disappoint Mr. Bunker.

Zack Ryder – Do I even need to explain this one? He's had like four matches with Rusev that add up to less than five minutes. And to think a guy like Rock talked (Like I said, he only does talking segments!) so highly of him after the main event of Survivor Series 2012.

The only explanation we as a people truly need is one that explains how Zack Ryder can possibly be permanently buried if after his litany of embarrassments he's still part of the show. Perhaps it would be the very definition of merciful justice if this court put Zack Ryder out of his misery, but he is their resident Brooklyn Brawler and can never leave our senses.

All Divas but the Bellas are of course being buried so we'll put them in a big group.

To dispute this claim, I do hereby call Ms. Beyoncé Knowles to the stand!

*collective gasp from the courtroom*

Now, Ms. Beyoncé Knowles. Oh, there's nobody there. Do we have Barbara Streisand? Rupaul? Well I'll be a hornswaggled! We forgot to send the subpoenas to the divas!

 

[enviousdominous]

Bella Twins – They're just there because of a reality show with ratings that keep falling. They may be “stars” there but here they're just propping up tombstones. I mean, they lost at Wrestlemania and weren't even important enough to defend their title. Yeah they're both champion. The name graphics said so and even if it might have been a slip up, it's how I interpreted it so therefore it's true.

I think you're mistaken Mr. Bunker; Ms. Bella and her sister Ms. Bella are there because the fans love them well enough to keep them there, and without their star-power there would be no reality tv show. The only thing slipping up here is the liquid based fabric that the walls have melted into since I ingested a crystal meth and mushroom smoothie.

Finally, some other people they have on screen.

WHO SOLD YOU THE DRUGS!?

El Torito – They can't decide if he's a man or a bull. If they don't care enough, they've buried him already.

*holds up an envelope* People of this courtroom, are you ready for these DNA results? *rips open the envelope and is attacked by a scorpion* OH GOD!! FUCK!! Hey there's a tattoo on this scorpion. It reads "El Torito is in fact a bull, which has never been denied by the WWE." Thank God! *falls over slamming his head onto the judge's bench*

Hornswoggle – Well they gave him a movie so he wouldn't be on screen. Sounds like a burial to me.

What's happening? Where am I? Sounds? Sounds like... Hornswoggle! He was never buried after all! My life finally has meaning.

The Stooges – How many finishers do they keep taking? I don't remember two J's being in the word buried, but maybe I just missed it.

Mr. J and other Mr. J are no more metaphors for burial than a raven is a metaphor for a writing desk. Mr. J has had stellar matches during the time from before he became Mr. J and teamed up with Mr. J, Mr. J on the other hand had a slightly less spectacular career than Mr. J. Mr. J and other Mr. J are performing a vital role for our senses and aid greatly in alleviating our confusion. The WWE would never bury their most identifiable team of the Mr. Js.

Lana – She gets a dead end foreigner gimmick and isn't even on Total Divas. Bury her and her legs.

Ladies and Gentlemen of this esteemed courtroom, would you judge Ms. Na's "end" as being "dead"? Let's all stare collectively at a billboard I've rented out to remind the world of her wickedly fascinating derriere. Ms. Na has graced our senses with her very alive end, and I don't see it showing signs of dying any time in the near future. With an end like that, the WWE is far too mesmerized to want to bury her.

Paul Heyman – How many times can he say the same thing over and over again? He's nothing without Lesnar so just like ECW,'s he's dead and buried.

Mr. Heyman can say anything he wants to, even if it's been said over and over again. The reason being that he's the advocate for the (former) reigning, defending, World Heavyweight Champion MR. BLLLLOOCK RESSNARU!! Just like Patsy Cline demanded, Mr. Heyman is standing by his man. When the unbearable unburiable beatings from the beast incarnate come back to eradicate the competition, Mr. Heyman will be there to prove that he was never buried and had in fact earned his legal right to Mr. Lesnar's bank account as they would be common-law married by that point.

Stephanie McMahon – She got beaten up by Ronda Rousey (I know her of course, because I pay for the Wrestling Observer Newsletter for my MMA news and that makes me a REAL fan) on the biggest night of the year. Yeah she beat a Bella. Freaking woop. Bury her with the rest of the McMahon Family so we can get a good boss in there. Is Sapolsky available?

Good people, I implore you, can you think of anyone who Ronda Rousey can't beat up? Chuck Norris and Mr. T couldn't keep dry bed sheets for a month after Ronda gave them death stares through a satellite feed. I feel like we should all apologize in advance of carelessly wandering into her path and thank her in advance for leaving us with half of our bones still intact.

Stephanie McMahon walked away from a violent encounter with Ronda Rousey under her own power. That's the single greatest accomplishment of any performer within the WWE, she is the only McMahon who has defeated a concept worse than burial.

William Regal – They already buried him. I mean, he's the third NXT boss in like two years. How much could they possibly care about him?

Mr. Regal is not just the third man, he's THE third man. They care you sweet smelling bastard! They care enough to allow him to be the greatest and most respected NXT boss that has ever existed. I think you're confusing burial with making the most of him.

Zeb Colter – How does this guy have a job? All he does is talk and claims an injury after he FINALLY took a bump. Bury him next to Swagger and Cesaro.

Mr. Colter rocks a mustache and fisherman's vest better than anyone I've ever seen. You don't bury Mr. Colter, you dedicate his memory with a pyramid that's twice the size of Giza. If you lose this case, you can repay my legal fees by building that pyramid for me.

SEE? WWE BURIES EVERYONE ON THE ROSTER! I JUST PROVED IT!!!

CAN WE PLEASE HAVE ORDER IN THIS COURT!!? YOU HAVE RUINED THIS ENTIRE FORUM WITH YOUR STUPID POST!!

Oh and I got this list off the WWE Roster Wikipedia page. Bury that too since it hasn't done anything for me since I started writing this list.

I got the energy to make these rebuttals thanks to Comet Airplane Glue. Comet, you'll be blasting off in nano-seconds.