klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: July 21, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D'Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
Tonight is a special show as they're moving (again) to Thursday nights (again). There's also a big rematch with Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley with both titles on the line inside a cage. It's been a long time since there was a cage match in TNA (like a full three weeks or so) and that means it's fresh enough. Let's get to it.
We open with Jeff Hardy standing on a hill thinking about his motorcycle crash. Matt comes up to tell him he's broken Brother Nero's spirit. He eggs Jeff on until he gets on the motorcycle again, which Matt says he saw Jeff doing in a premonition. Jeff goes to jump and we cut to the arena. This would be the latest example of TNA running an idea into the ground.
Here's Lashley to the ring to talk about how he should be the X-Division Champion after what happened last week. He's not cool with someone like Moose coming to his ring and messing up his match because he doesn't put on a helmet when he gets in a ring or in a cage. Moose needs to get out here right now and have a fight. Instead he gets Mike Bennett, who says Lashley has something he wants.
Bennett is going to go through the entire Bound For Glory Playoff until he gets what he wants because of this big man right here. Lashley wants to fight so Moose slowly comes down to the ring, only to have Eddie Edwards jump Moose from behind. The brawl erupts until Dixie Carter comes out to say cut it out because Mike and Moose are barred from ringside in the main event.
Matt Hardy and Reby come out (second segment with them in ten minutes) to show us clips of Jeff crashing his motorcycle. That means it's BROKEN, just like Jeff will be. Back in the arena, Matt and Reby have Vanguard 1 play Jeff's new music, which keeps calling him OBSOLETE in a computerized version of Matt's singing voice. Also Jeff's name graphic now says Brother Nero and his Twitter handle is obsoletemule.
Bound For Glory Playoff First Round: Jeff Hardy vs. Mike Bennett
This is a tournament for the World Title shot at Bound For Glory, which TNA only kind of explained. Jeff is banged up from the motorcycle accident earlier today and can barely move. Mike takes him to the mat with a Fujiwara Armbar as the announcers talk about Jeff being fined $5000 every time he uses his own name since it's Matt's intellectual property. A cutter puts Jeff away at 2:08. This was barely a match.
Matt insults him a lot and starts to sound less like a British person and more like Mr. Burns.
Bound For Glory Playoff First Round: Matt Hardy vs. James Storm
Josh: It's like Matt is torturing his brother Jeff. Thank you for clearing that up buddy. Storm punches him out to the floor to start and whips Matt into the steps. Storm drives the Boozer Cruiser into him and we take a break. Back with James sitting on the steps with Matt in the crowd and biting Storm's hand. Storm fights back and hits a quick Closing Time inside, only to have Reby hit him in the leg with a hammer. The Twist of Fate advances Matt at 9:30.
Eddie says tonight is about second chances because he gets a second chance.
Video on Ethan Carter III.
Moose implies he'll interfere but Mike tries to keep him backstage so they don't get fired.
Here's Ethan Carter III with something to say before his match. He goes to the steps (Ethan's Corner) to say we're talking about playoffs (complete with a Jim Mora impression for you NFL fans) where he can get to the top of the mountain for a third time. This brings out Drew Galloway who says (in some bad audio) that the real question is which of them are better.
Ethan may be great but his last name is Carter. He came here because his aunt runs this place. It wasn't the same for Drew because TNA came to him. It turns out that they can meet in the finals and Ethan likes the sound of that. Drew wants to fight now but Eli Drake cuts them off. Drake says he's looking at dummies and wants to hear YEAH when he says dummy. Eli: Dummy! Fans: YEAH! Eli: I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!
Bound For Glory Playoff First Round: Ethan Carter III vs. Eli Drake
Non-title. Carter grabs an armdrag into an armbar before dropping an elbow with a shout of EC3. Drake comes back with a jumping neckbreaker and we hit the neck crank. Carter fights back and hits a quick backdrop. Josh says Carter wants to be a modern day LeBron James. So.....like LeBron James? The TK3 gets two and Ethan heads up but Drake rolls through a high cross body for two. Blunt Force Trauma is countered into a rollup to send Carter to the semi-finals at 7:47.
Matt and Jeff are in the back with Vanguard 1, who Matt has catch him up on the tournament. Apparently Matt will be facing Ethan next week but he doesn't want us to see the keys to victory that Vanguard 1 has produced so he has the camera feed taken down. Related note: is there a reason Jeff is following Matt around? The stipulation was that he loses the Hardy name, not that be becomes Matt's property.
Allie tries to get Maria to meditate before Maria's state of the Knockouts address.
Ad for Brodus Clay's fixing services.
The Knockouts division (including Allie to get us to seven) is in the ring as Allie introduces Maria for the address. The boss says they can air their grievances so everyone raises their hand. Allie starts by asking how you can be more like Maria. Apparently it's just believe in her vision so Jade cuts Maria off to ask why she hasn't gotten a one on one rematch for the title.
Gail wants to know the same thing but also wants to face Maria one on one. That broken hand looked just fine last week so what's the next excuse? Sienna gets in Gail's face and tells her to stop being so selfish and making it all about her. Maria makes Gail vs. the entire division with the person taking her out being handsomely rewarded. Jade says she's out and gets in a fight with Marti. Madison jumps Gail from behind, saying she's looking out for herself.
Bram is getting ready when Rosemary comes up. She offers her help to win tonight and they kiss.
The Tribunal beats Mahabali Shera down.
Bound For Glory Playoff First Round: Drew Galloway vs. Bram
No Rosemary. They slug it out to start and Bram bails from the threat of a Futureshock. Drew sends him outside but eats a spinning kick to the head. Back in and Drew still can't get Futureshock so Bram punches him into the corner and gets two off a good looking powerbomb. Drew fights back up and avoids a charge, setting up the Futureshock to advance at 6:55.
We see a preview for next week's show but the graphic says tonight. That's the second time in three weeks they've screwed up something like that.
Mike tries to intimidate Drew about their match next week but Drew doesn't bite.
X-Division Title/TNA World Title: Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley
Pinfall or submission only. Title for title inside Six Sides of Steel and there's no Davey Richards here. Also if Bennett or Moose interfere, Bennett is fired. Eddie dives through the cage door to take Lashley out before the bell. Lashley throws him into the barricade and then into the cage for the opening bell. A neckbreaker puts Eddie down and his hurricanrana attempt is countered with a powerbomb into the cage as we take a break.
Back with Lashley getting two off a suplex and grabbing a chinlock. A torture rack doesn't work as well but Lashley cuts off the comeback with a spinebuster. Eddie finally realizes they're in a cage and whips Lashley into the steel a few times. Edwards tries to get to the top but has to hurricanrana Lashley down to break up a powerbomb attempt. The Boston Knee Party gets two so Lashley just throws him into the cage door.
The spear drives Edwards onto the floor (remember it's pin or submission only) and Lashley follows him to grab the World Title. Eddie is back up for another Boston Knee Party to send the belt into Lashley's face but it's only good for two. So much for that finisher meaning anything. Eddie goes up again but Lashley shakes the cage to set up a superplex and a big crash. Two spears make Lashley a double champion at 19:11.
Lashley shoves Eddie away post match so Ethan comes out for the save. That brings out Matt (who we hadn't seen in a long time) followed by Mike and Moose for the big brawl to end the show.
Results
Mike Bennett b. Jeff Hardy Cutter
Matt Hardy b. James Storm Twist of Fate
Ethan Carter III b. Eli Drake Sunset flip
Drew Galloway b. Bram Futureshock
Lashley b. Eddie Edwards Spear
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Battleground 2016
Date: July 24, 2016
Location: Verizon Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton
This is an interesting show as the Draft has made what was just a pit stop before Summerslam into a nearly meaningless show which happens to have something that could have been a co-main event of Wrestlemania. Other than that we have some nothing midcard matches, six man tags where two of the teams will be split starting tomorrow and a mystery partner. You might call this a mixed bag. Let's get to it.
Pre-Show: Usos vs. Breezango
Just a thrown together match. Jimmy hits a backbreaker on Fandango to start before it's quickly off to Breeze. Some double teaming lets Breeze snap Jey's throat across the top rope and we hit the chinlock. A few kicks to the face/head drop Breezango and it's off to Jimmy via the hot tag.
Everything breaks down and it's a series of kicks to put Breeze on the floor. Tyler comes back in to save Fandango from an electric chair, only to have Jey cross body both of them. The Superfly Splash gets two on Tyler before another superkick puts Fandango outside. A running superkick looks to set up the Superfly Splash again but Breeze gets his knees up, allowing him to grab a small package for the pin at 5:28.
The opening video shows everyone holding their flags before going to a package on the Shield imploding to set up this match.
Charlotte/Dana Brooke vs. Sasha Banks/???
So Sasha has been going for Charlotte's title but keeps having to deal with Dana, hence bringing in a mystery partner. The mystery partner is.....Bayley, in one of the worst kept secrets in a long time. Like, since Tuesday. The place goes insane for Bayley so that's certainly the solid debut.
Charlotte and Dana jump them from behind before the bell and Bayley is sent into the barricade. We get the official start with Charlotte hammering away in the corner until Bayley gets in the jumping middle rope elbow. It's off to Sasha who botches a hurricanrana before Charlotte sends her into the middle buckle.
Dana's chinlock doesn't go anywhere so it's off to Bayley who is taken down just as quickly. Bayley and Dana collide as JBL talks about this being a one off appearance for Bayley on the main roster. I really, really can't imagine that's true. Sasha comes in off the tag and everything breaks down with Charlotte hitting Natural Selection for two on Banks. Dana saves the Bank Statement but Bayley takes her to the floor, setting up the second Bank Statement to make Charlotte tap at 7:24.
Sasha and Bayley hug post match.
We recap the Wyatt Family vs. New Day. The Wyatts returned with Bray's face turn completely forgotten and went after New Day and their power of positivity message. Bray got in Xavier Woods' head and started to psych him out but with the Wyatts being split by the Draft, most of that has been dropped.
Wyatt Family vs. New Day
Before the match, New Day says they're just not scared. Woods and Strowman start but it's off to Bray to really scare Xavier. Actually make that Kofi, who dropkicks Wyatt while Woods is frozen in the corner. Rowan comes in with a slam and grabs a head vice before Bray drops his running backsplash. A clothesline turns Kofi inside out and Woods has to drop down to the floor in fear. Kofi gets away from Braun and makes the hot tag to Big E. as everything breaks down.
Braun gets kicked to the floor and taken down by a Kofi dive (less than a year ago Dean Ambrose's dive bounced off of him). Woods saves Kofi from Sister Abigail but it's time for the big psychic staredown. It takes Kofi coming in off the top to wake Woods up and he goes off on Bray with a running forearm and right hands in the corner. A top rope splash crushes Bray and a superkick (SHOT!) puts Erick on the floor. Big E. spears Rowan off the apron but Bray's spider walk freaks Woods out and sets up Sister Abigail for the pin at 8:50.
US Title: Rusev vs. Zack Ryder
Rusev is defending after Ryder won a few matches (ignore the clean loss to Sheamus in two minutes of course) and challenged for the title. Lana, now in a tiara, introduces the champ. Ryder is in red, white and blue to really hammer this home. Rusev throws him into the corner to start but Ryder comes back with a middle rope dropkick....which completely misses.
A low superkick drops Ryder and it's time for heavy right hands. Ryder elbows out of a waistlock and fires off some forearms in the corner. A neckbreaker stuns the champ as we're firmly in the false hope portion of the match. Rusev knocks him to the floor but Ryder hits a dropkick off the barricade. Back in and the Rough Ryder sets up the Elbro but Rusev gets the knees up. The jumping superkick and the Accolade put Ryder away at 7:03.
Post match the beating continues until Mojo Rawley debuts to make the save, thereby setting up nothing at all since he's on Smackdown while Rusev is on Raw.
Seth Rollins comes in to see Mick Foley and Stephanie McMahon (GET SETH AWAY FROM HER! NOW!) and the bosses tell him to bring the title back to Raw. Rollins isn't worried because he's just that awesome and promises that there will be a bunch of Rollins babies in about nine months.
We recap Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens who are fighting because they're Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens. They've hated each other for years now and they still are, though this was supposed to be the final fight until the Draft put them on the same show, negating the purposes of the idea.
Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens
Zayn's attempted Helluva Kick sends Owens to the floor and they immediately start the brawl. Back in and Owens sends him into the corner for two off the Cannonball. Owens even stomps on Sami's hand as we hit the OLE chants. We hit the chinlock with Owens mocking the SAMI chants because he's just that awesome. Back up and the Michinoku Driver gets two on Owens but he's able to break up the flip dive before Sami can dive.
Instead Sami tries the slingshot moonsault but slips up and lands shoulder first on the apron. The shoulder is fine enough for Owens to work it over so you know he's ok. The Blue Thunder Bomb gets two back inside so I'm going to assume Sami is fine. Owens can't get a superplex so he settles for a superkick and Crossface. Sami finally crawls over to the rope and grabs the exploder into the corner. He gets caught on top though and has to escape a Death Valley Driver on the apron, meaning it's the closest thing we'll see to the BRAINBUSTAHHHHHHH in WWE.
Owens beats the count by a few seconds and they slug it out to dueling chants. The diving DDT is broken up and Owens hits a Cannonball with Sami still draped over the bottom rope. I love it when they tweak moves like that. The Bullfrog splash gets two on Sami but he counters the Pop Up Powerbomb into the tornado DDT. Yet another Helluva Kick is countered with another superkick as they keep countering each others' big moves due to being so familiar with one another.
Sami escapes another powerbomb attempt and hits back to back half and half suplexes for two and a standing ovation. The Pop Up Powerbomb connects but Sami gets his foot on the ropes. Owens starts slapping him as Sami says bring it, setting up another exploder into the corner. The Helluva Kick sends Owens falling into Sami's arms, setting up a second Helluva Kick for the clean pin at 18:26.
Cole says Sami has exorcized his demons by beating Owens. Those must be quick rise demons as he pinned Owens about a month ago on Raw in a singles match.
Pre-show recap.
Natalya vs. Becky Lynch
Fallout from Natalya vs. Charlotte when Natalya turned on Becky. Natalya tries to bail to start but she's just suckering Becky in and scoring with a dropkick. It's already time to go after the knee with a side leg lock but she has to get out of a quick Disarm-Her. A stomp onto the leg sets up another leglock and Natalya gets in a quick nipup. An enziguri with the good leg gives Becky a breather before the Bexploder gets two. Becky gets two more off a missile dropkick but it bangs up the leg, setting up the Sharpshooter for the submission at 9:00.
Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan give Dean Ambrose a pep talk.
Intercontinental Title: Darren Young vs. The Miz
Young is challenging after winning a battle royal. He also has Bob Backlund in his corner in an attempt to make Young great again. Ignore the lack of preceding greatness. Young wrestles him down to the mat before getting two off a neckbreaker. Miz shoves him off the top to take over and then grabs a headlock.
Miz's corner clothesline is cut off with another clothesline. The Crossface Chickenwing sends Miz bailing to the floor but Backlund won't let him leave. Maryse slaps Backlund and they both go down, only to have Backlund rip his shirt off. Miz goes after Backlund so Young grabs a cobra clutch on the floor as the bell rings (I think for a DQ?) at 8:40.
Young chokes Miz out and looks at his hands ala Backlund in 1994.
We recap Cena/Amore/Cass vs. the Club. Cena was tired of getting beaten down by the trio so Enzo and Big Cass came out to help him, setting this up. Again though, the Club was split up so this doesn't exactly have the same meaning.
The Club vs. John Cena/Enzo Amore/Big Cass
Enzo says his team is 4G and they're very well connected. He keeps going on a rant with life advise (always lie on your resume and never make eye contact with someone while eating a banana) and also suggests a good dentist and therapist. Cena is dying in the corner listening to this and Cass tells the crowd to give it up for Enzo after that performance. Cass insults AJ's haircut and suggests that he make a lunch like a soccer mom (Make sure to cut the crust off.). Then he can take the kids to Raw and remember the time they took a beating in Washington D.C.
Enzo and AJ start things off and we hit the SOCCER MOM chants. That earns Enzo a dropkick to the face so it's off to Cass to face Anderson. We get the standard Cass throws Enzo at people spot as Cena isn't sure what to think. Cass tosses Styles out as well before slamming Enzo onto Anderson, leaving Cena wondering why he can't get a tag. Things settle down to Gallows working on Enzo with his heavy offense. Anderson comes in with a bicycle kick to the head (Karl: HI YAH!) to set up a chinlock.
The beating continues until Gallows misses a splash, setting up the hot tag to Cena. A very quick AA attempt on Styles is countered into a Pele as everything breaks down. Gallows hits a chokebomb on Cass before Cena and Luke play pass the Enzo, only to have AJ hit the forearm on Gallows by mistake. The AA gets two on AJ with Karl making the save, setting up a spinebuster onto the table.
Cena dives back in at nine and the Styles Clash gets another near fall with Cass making the save. The Club takes out Cass so Enzo volunteers to fight them himself. Karl is sent into the post but Gallows kicks Enzo in the face, only to have Cena come back in and take Luke out. Styles comes back in but gets caught in a super AA for the pin at 14:23.
It's time for the Highlight Reel with the returning Randy Orton. Randy really seems happy to be back and is definitely here as a face. He talks about being gone for nine months to get back to this point and he's stuck here with this loser. Jericho says Orton being in this ring with him puts Orton on a different level. That makes Orton think he should drop Jericho with an RKO out of nowhere so Jericho sums up the last few months for him, including the tacks going into his back a little while ago.
Jericho offers the Gift of Jericho and Orton walks up to him, shaking Jericho up a bit. Orton says it was just to see the hair because it looks like Ellen DeGeneres'. We see a clip of Lesnar talking about hurting people but Orton is ready to go to Suplex City. See, it takes twenty suplexes to get there but it only takes one RKO to go to Viperville, NO ENHANCEMENT NEEDED. Even the crowd gasps at that one. Jericho suggests that Orton is in trouble and teases Orton about the RKO, which eventually hits, albeit not out of nowhere. This took WAY longer than it should have but that enhancement line was great.
We recap the Shield triple threat which is well over a few years in the making. The short version consists of Rollins returning from knee surgery and taking the title from Reigns, only to have Ambrose take it away that same night. This set up the triple threat but Reigns has been suspended for a month due to a Wellness violation.
WWE World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose
Ambrose is defending but before we can get going, here are all four authority figures (because there are four authority figures in WWE). We get the big match intros and the three way staredown before Rollins is knocked to the floor. Ambrose rolls Reigns up for two and eats a big clothesline for his efforts.
Rollins gets caught in a Samoan Drop but Ambrose takes them both down as they're only just out of first gear. Roman is sent outside and we get Rollins vs. Ambrose for the third time this week. They head to the floor as well with Ambrose going into the steps and Roman going into the barricade. This is the rather dull part of the match where they haven't cranked it up yet and there's clearly at least another ten minutes in the match so we're kind of stuck waiting.
All three wind up in the timekeeper's area for a bit before Ambrose missile dropkicks Reigns for two. The standing elbow drop gets two but Rollins comes back in to break up the cover. Roman gets in a Superman Punch to Rollins but Ambrose runs him over to put all three down. Now it's Reigns getting double teamed with both guys scoring off running dives to the floor. We see the locker rooms watching (I'm sure that's completely authentic) as Reigns is powerbombed through the announcers' table.
Back in and the Buckle Bomb is countered with a hurricanrana into the corner to put both guys down. Rollins is still able to run up the corner for the superplex into the falcon's arrow for the first near fall. Reigns comes back in to break up a superplex on Rollins, setting up a sitout powerbomb for two on Seth. The champ ducks the Superman Punch but can't hit Dirty Deeds, allowing the Punch to knock Dean outside. Rollins gets a very close fall off a Pedigree to Reigns, only to have the spear cut him in half. Ambrose scores with a quick Dirty Deeds to pin Reigns at 18:05.
JBL goes NUTS with a big rant about how great Smackdown is, completely forgetting how much he can't stand Ambrose. The Smackdown locker room comes out because this allegedly means something.
Results
Sasha Banks/Bayley b. Charlotte/Dana Brooke Bank Statement to Charlotte
Wyatt Family b. New Day Sister Abigail to Woods
Rusev b. Zack Ryder Accolade
Sami Zayn b. Kevin Owens Helluva Kick
Natalya b. Becky Lynch Sharpshooter
The Miz b. Darren Young via DQ when Bob Backlund interfered
John Cena/Enzo Amore/Big Cass b. The Club Super AA to Styles
Dean Ambrose b. Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins Dirty Deeds to Reigns
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Sami Zayn/Cesaro b. Kevin Owens/Chris Jericho Small package to Jericho
Darren Young b. Alberto Del Rio Rollup
Wyatt Family/The Club b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass/John Cena/New Day Styles Clash to Amore
Baron Corbin b. Sin Cara End of Days
Sasha Banks/Becky Lynch b. Charlotte/Dana Brooke via DQ when Natalya interfered
Smackdown
John Cena b. Luke Gallows Attitude Adjustment
Darren Young/Zack Ryder b. Rusev/The Miz Crossface chickenwing to Miz
Bray Wyatt b. Xavier Woods Sister Abigail
Charlotte/Dana Brooke b. Sasha Banks Natural Selection
Chris Jericho b. Cesaro Codebreaker
Dean Ambrose b. Seth Rollins Dirty Deeds
NXT
Samoa Joe b. Rhyno Koquina Clutch
Authors of Pain b. American Alpha Russian legsweep/clothesline combination
Austin Aries b. Patrick Clark Last Chancery
Bayley b. Nia Jax Super Bayley To Belly
Impact Wrestling
Mike Bennett b. Jeff Hardy Cutter
Matt Hardy b. James Storm Twist of Fate
Ethan Carter III b. Eli Drake Sunset flip
Drew Galloway b. Bram Futureshock
Lashley b. Eddie Edwards Spear
Battleground 2016
Sasha Banks/Bayley b. Charlotte/Dana Brooke Bank Statement to Charlotte
Wyatt Family b. New Day Sister Abigail to Woods
Rusev b. Zack Ryder Accolade
Sami Zayn b. Kevin Owens Helluva Kick
Natalya b. Becky Lynch Sharpshooter
The Miz b. Darren Young via DQ when Bob Backlund interfered
John Cena/Enzo Amore/Big Cass b. The Club Super AA to Styles
Dean Ambrose b. Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins Dirty Deeds to Reigns
Impact Wrestling
Date: July 21, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D'Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
Tonight is a special show as they're moving (again) to Thursday nights (again). There's also a big rematch with Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley with both titles on the line inside a cage. It's been a long time since there was a cage match in TNA (like a full three weeks or so) and that means it's fresh enough. Let's get to it.
We open with Jeff Hardy standing on a hill thinking about his motorcycle crash. Matt comes up to tell him he's broken Brother Nero's spirit. He eggs Jeff on until he gets on the motorcycle again, which Matt says he saw Jeff doing in a premonition. Jeff goes to jump and we cut to the arena. This would be the latest example of TNA running an idea into the ground.
Here's Lashley to the ring to talk about how he should be the X-Division Champion after what happened last week. He's not cool with someone like Moose coming to his ring and messing up his match because he doesn't put on a helmet when he gets in a ring or in a cage. Moose needs to get out here right now and have a fight. Instead he gets Mike Bennett, who says Lashley has something he wants.
Bennett is going to go through the entire Bound For Glory Playoff until he gets what he wants because of this big man right here. Lashley wants to fight so Moose slowly comes down to the ring, only to have Eddie Edwards jump Moose from behind. The brawl erupts until Dixie Carter comes out to say cut it out because Mike and Moose are barred from ringside in the main event.
Matt Hardy and Reby come out (second segment with them in ten minutes) to show us clips of Jeff crashing his motorcycle. That means it's BROKEN, just like Jeff will be. Back in the arena, Matt and Reby have Vanguard 1 play Jeff's new music, which keeps calling him OBSOLETE in a computerized version of Matt's singing voice. Also Jeff's name graphic now says Brother Nero and his Twitter handle is obsoletemule.
Bound For Glory Playoff First Round: Jeff Hardy vs. Mike Bennett
This is a tournament for the World Title shot at Bound For Glory, which TNA only kind of explained. Jeff is banged up from the motorcycle accident earlier today and can barely move. Mike takes him to the mat with a Fujiwara Armbar as the announcers talk about Jeff being fined $5000 every time he uses his own name since it's Matt's intellectual property. A cutter puts Jeff away at 2:08. This was barely a match.
Matt insults him a lot and starts to sound less like a British person and more like Mr. Burns.
Bound For Glory Playoff First Round: Matt Hardy vs. James Storm
Josh: It's like Matt is torturing his brother Jeff. Thank you for clearing that up buddy. Storm punches him out to the floor to start and whips Matt into the steps. Storm drives the Boozer Cruiser into him and we take a break. Back with James sitting on the steps with Matt in the crowd and biting Storm's hand. Storm fights back and hits a quick Closing Time inside, only to have Reby hit him in the leg with a hammer. The Twist of Fate advances Matt at 9:30.
Eddie says tonight is about second chances because he gets a second chance.
Video on Ethan Carter III.
Moose implies he'll interfere but Mike tries to keep him backstage so they don't get fired.
Here's Ethan Carter III with something to say before his match. He goes to the steps (Ethan's Corner) to say we're talking about playoffs (complete with a Jim Mora impression for you NFL fans) where he can get to the top of the mountain for a third time. This brings out Drew Galloway who says (in some bad audio) that the real question is which of them are better.
Ethan may be great but his last name is Carter. He came here because his aunt runs this place. It wasn't the same for Drew because TNA came to him. It turns out that they can meet in the finals and Ethan likes the sound of that. Drew wants to fight now but Eli Drake cuts them off. Drake says he's looking at dummies and wants to hear YEAH when he says dummy. Eli: Dummy! Fans: YEAH! Eli: I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!
Bound For Glory Playoff First Round: Ethan Carter III vs. Eli Drake
Non-title. Carter grabs an armdrag into an armbar before dropping an elbow with a shout of EC3. Drake comes back with a jumping neckbreaker and we hit the neck crank. Carter fights back and hits a quick backdrop. Josh says Carter wants to be a modern day LeBron James. So.....like LeBron James? The TK3 gets two and Ethan heads up but Drake rolls through a high cross body for two. Blunt Force Trauma is countered into a rollup to send Carter to the semi-finals at 7:47.
Matt and Jeff are in the back with Vanguard 1, who Matt has catch him up on the tournament. Apparently Matt will be facing Ethan next week but he doesn't want us to see the keys to victory that Vanguard 1 has produced so he has the camera feed taken down. Related note: is there a reason Jeff is following Matt around? The stipulation was that he loses the Hardy name, not that be becomes Matt's property.
Allie tries to get Maria to meditate before Maria's state of the Knockouts address.
Ad for Brodus Clay's fixing services.
The Knockouts division (including Allie to get us to seven) is in the ring as Allie introduces Maria for the address. The boss says they can air their grievances so everyone raises their hand. Allie starts by asking how you can be more like Maria. Apparently it's just believe in her vision so Jade cuts Maria off to ask why she hasn't gotten a one on one rematch for the title.
Gail wants to know the same thing but also wants to face Maria one on one. That broken hand looked just fine last week so what's the next excuse? Sienna gets in Gail's face and tells her to stop being so selfish and making it all about her. Maria makes Gail vs. the entire division with the person taking her out being handsomely rewarded. Jade says she's out and gets in a fight with Marti. Madison jumps Gail from behind, saying she's looking out for herself.
Bram is getting ready when Rosemary comes up. She offers her help to win tonight and they kiss.
The Tribunal beats Mahabali Shera down.
Bound For Glory Playoff First Round: Drew Galloway vs. Bram
No Rosemary. They slug it out to start and Bram bails from the threat of a Futureshock. Drew sends him outside but eats a spinning kick to the head. Back in and Drew still can't get Futureshock so Bram punches him into the corner and gets two off a good looking powerbomb. Drew fights back up and avoids a charge, setting up the Futureshock to advance at 6:55.
We see a preview for next week's show but the graphic says tonight. That's the second time in three weeks they've screwed up something like that.
Mike tries to intimidate Drew about their match next week but Drew doesn't bite.
X-Division Title/TNA World Title: Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley
Pinfall or submission only. Title for title inside Six Sides of Steel and there's no Davey Richards here. Also if Bennett or Moose interfere, Bennett is fired. Eddie dives through the cage door to take Lashley out before the bell. Lashley throws him into the barricade and then into the cage for the opening bell. A neckbreaker puts Eddie down and his hurricanrana attempt is countered with a powerbomb into the cage as we take a break.
Back with Lashley getting two off a suplex and grabbing a chinlock. A torture rack doesn't work as well but Lashley cuts off the comeback with a spinebuster. Eddie finally realizes they're in a cage and whips Lashley into the steel a few times. Edwards tries to get to the top but has to hurricanrana Lashley down to break up a powerbomb attempt. The Boston Knee Party gets two so Lashley just throws him into the cage door.
The spear drives Edwards onto the floor (remember it's pin or submission only) and Lashley follows him to grab the World Title. Eddie is back up for another Boston Knee Party to send the belt into Lashley's face but it's only good for two. So much for that finisher meaning anything. Eddie goes up again but Lashley shakes the cage to set up a superplex and a big crash. Two spears make Lashley a double champion at 19:11.
Lashley shoves Eddie away post match so Ethan comes out for the save. That brings out Matt (who we hadn't seen in a long time) followed by Mike and Moose for the big brawl to end the show.
Results
Mike Bennett b. Jeff Hardy Cutter
Matt Hardy b. James Storm Twist of Fate
Ethan Carter III b. Eli Drake Sunset flip
Drew Galloway b. Bram Futureshock
Lashley b. Eddie Edwards Spear
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Battleground 2016
Date: July 24, 2016
Location: Verizon Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton
This is an interesting show as the Draft has made what was just a pit stop before Summerslam into a nearly meaningless show which happens to have something that could have been a co-main event of Wrestlemania. Other than that we have some nothing midcard matches, six man tags where two of the teams will be split starting tomorrow and a mystery partner. You might call this a mixed bag. Let's get to it.
Pre-Show: Usos vs. Breezango
Just a thrown together match. Jimmy hits a backbreaker on Fandango to start before it's quickly off to Breeze. Some double teaming lets Breeze snap Jey's throat across the top rope and we hit the chinlock. A few kicks to the face/head drop Breezango and it's off to Jimmy via the hot tag.
Everything breaks down and it's a series of kicks to put Breeze on the floor. Tyler comes back in to save Fandango from an electric chair, only to have Jey cross body both of them. The Superfly Splash gets two on Tyler before another superkick puts Fandango outside. A running superkick looks to set up the Superfly Splash again but Breeze gets his knees up, allowing him to grab a small package for the pin at 5:28.
The opening video shows everyone holding their flags before going to a package on the Shield imploding to set up this match.
Charlotte/Dana Brooke vs. Sasha Banks/???
So Sasha has been going for Charlotte's title but keeps having to deal with Dana, hence bringing in a mystery partner. The mystery partner is.....Bayley, in one of the worst kept secrets in a long time. Like, since Tuesday. The place goes insane for Bayley so that's certainly the solid debut.
Charlotte and Dana jump them from behind before the bell and Bayley is sent into the barricade. We get the official start with Charlotte hammering away in the corner until Bayley gets in the jumping middle rope elbow. It's off to Sasha who botches a hurricanrana before Charlotte sends her into the middle buckle.
Dana's chinlock doesn't go anywhere so it's off to Bayley who is taken down just as quickly. Bayley and Dana collide as JBL talks about this being a one off appearance for Bayley on the main roster. I really, really can't imagine that's true. Sasha comes in off the tag and everything breaks down with Charlotte hitting Natural Selection for two on Banks. Dana saves the Bank Statement but Bayley takes her to the floor, setting up the second Bank Statement to make Charlotte tap at 7:24.
Sasha and Bayley hug post match.
We recap the Wyatt Family vs. New Day. The Wyatts returned with Bray's face turn completely forgotten and went after New Day and their power of positivity message. Bray got in Xavier Woods' head and started to psych him out but with the Wyatts being split by the Draft, most of that has been dropped.
Wyatt Family vs. New Day
Before the match, New Day says they're just not scared. Woods and Strowman start but it's off to Bray to really scare Xavier. Actually make that Kofi, who dropkicks Wyatt while Woods is frozen in the corner. Rowan comes in with a slam and grabs a head vice before Bray drops his running backsplash. A clothesline turns Kofi inside out and Woods has to drop down to the floor in fear. Kofi gets away from Braun and makes the hot tag to Big E. as everything breaks down.
Braun gets kicked to the floor and taken down by a Kofi dive (less than a year ago Dean Ambrose's dive bounced off of him). Woods saves Kofi from Sister Abigail but it's time for the big psychic staredown. It takes Kofi coming in off the top to wake Woods up and he goes off on Bray with a running forearm and right hands in the corner. A top rope splash crushes Bray and a superkick (SHOT!) puts Erick on the floor. Big E. spears Rowan off the apron but Bray's spider walk freaks Woods out and sets up Sister Abigail for the pin at 8:50.
US Title: Rusev vs. Zack Ryder
Rusev is defending after Ryder won a few matches (ignore the clean loss to Sheamus in two minutes of course) and challenged for the title. Lana, now in a tiara, introduces the champ. Ryder is in red, white and blue to really hammer this home. Rusev throws him into the corner to start but Ryder comes back with a middle rope dropkick....which completely misses.
A low superkick drops Ryder and it's time for heavy right hands. Ryder elbows out of a waistlock and fires off some forearms in the corner. A neckbreaker stuns the champ as we're firmly in the false hope portion of the match. Rusev knocks him to the floor but Ryder hits a dropkick off the barricade. Back in and the Rough Ryder sets up the Elbro but Rusev gets the knees up. The jumping superkick and the Accolade put Ryder away at 7:03.
Post match the beating continues until Mojo Rawley debuts to make the save, thereby setting up nothing at all since he's on Smackdown while Rusev is on Raw.
Seth Rollins comes in to see Mick Foley and Stephanie McMahon (GET SETH AWAY FROM HER! NOW!) and the bosses tell him to bring the title back to Raw. Rollins isn't worried because he's just that awesome and promises that there will be a bunch of Rollins babies in about nine months.
We recap Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens who are fighting because they're Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens. They've hated each other for years now and they still are, though this was supposed to be the final fight until the Draft put them on the same show, negating the purposes of the idea.
Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens
Zayn's attempted Helluva Kick sends Owens to the floor and they immediately start the brawl. Back in and Owens sends him into the corner for two off the Cannonball. Owens even stomps on Sami's hand as we hit the OLE chants. We hit the chinlock with Owens mocking the SAMI chants because he's just that awesome. Back up and the Michinoku Driver gets two on Owens but he's able to break up the flip dive before Sami can dive.
Instead Sami tries the slingshot moonsault but slips up and lands shoulder first on the apron. The shoulder is fine enough for Owens to work it over so you know he's ok. The Blue Thunder Bomb gets two back inside so I'm going to assume Sami is fine. Owens can't get a superplex so he settles for a superkick and Crossface. Sami finally crawls over to the rope and grabs the exploder into the corner. He gets caught on top though and has to escape a Death Valley Driver on the apron, meaning it's the closest thing we'll see to the BRAINBUSTAHHHHHHH in WWE.
Owens beats the count by a few seconds and they slug it out to dueling chants. The diving DDT is broken up and Owens hits a Cannonball with Sami still draped over the bottom rope. I love it when they tweak moves like that. The Bullfrog splash gets two on Sami but he counters the Pop Up Powerbomb into the tornado DDT. Yet another Helluva Kick is countered with another superkick as they keep countering each others' big moves due to being so familiar with one another.
Sami escapes another powerbomb attempt and hits back to back half and half suplexes for two and a standing ovation. The Pop Up Powerbomb connects but Sami gets his foot on the ropes. Owens starts slapping him as Sami says bring it, setting up another exploder into the corner. The Helluva Kick sends Owens falling into Sami's arms, setting up a second Helluva Kick for the clean pin at 18:26.
Cole says Sami has exorcized his demons by beating Owens. Those must be quick rise demons as he pinned Owens about a month ago on Raw in a singles match.
Pre-show recap.
Natalya vs. Becky Lynch
Fallout from Natalya vs. Charlotte when Natalya turned on Becky. Natalya tries to bail to start but she's just suckering Becky in and scoring with a dropkick. It's already time to go after the knee with a side leg lock but she has to get out of a quick Disarm-Her. A stomp onto the leg sets up another leglock and Natalya gets in a quick nipup. An enziguri with the good leg gives Becky a breather before the Bexploder gets two. Becky gets two more off a missile dropkick but it bangs up the leg, setting up the Sharpshooter for the submission at 9:00.
Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan give Dean Ambrose a pep talk.
Intercontinental Title: Darren Young vs. The Miz
Young is challenging after winning a battle royal. He also has Bob Backlund in his corner in an attempt to make Young great again. Ignore the lack of preceding greatness. Young wrestles him down to the mat before getting two off a neckbreaker. Miz shoves him off the top to take over and then grabs a headlock.
Miz's corner clothesline is cut off with another clothesline. The Crossface Chickenwing sends Miz bailing to the floor but Backlund won't let him leave. Maryse slaps Backlund and they both go down, only to have Backlund rip his shirt off. Miz goes after Backlund so Young grabs a cobra clutch on the floor as the bell rings (I think for a DQ?) at 8:40.
Young chokes Miz out and looks at his hands ala Backlund in 1994.
We recap Cena/Amore/Cass vs. the Club. Cena was tired of getting beaten down by the trio so Enzo and Big Cass came out to help him, setting this up. Again though, the Club was split up so this doesn't exactly have the same meaning.
The Club vs. John Cena/Enzo Amore/Big Cass
Enzo says his team is 4G and they're very well connected. He keeps going on a rant with life advise (always lie on your resume and never make eye contact with someone while eating a banana) and also suggests a good dentist and therapist. Cena is dying in the corner listening to this and Cass tells the crowd to give it up for Enzo after that performance. Cass insults AJ's haircut and suggests that he make a lunch like a soccer mom (Make sure to cut the crust off.). Then he can take the kids to Raw and remember the time they took a beating in Washington D.C.
Enzo and AJ start things off and we hit the SOCCER MOM chants. That earns Enzo a dropkick to the face so it's off to Cass to face Anderson. We get the standard Cass throws Enzo at people spot as Cena isn't sure what to think. Cass tosses Styles out as well before slamming Enzo onto Anderson, leaving Cena wondering why he can't get a tag. Things settle down to Gallows working on Enzo with his heavy offense. Anderson comes in with a bicycle kick to the head (Karl: HI YAH!) to set up a chinlock.
The beating continues until Gallows misses a splash, setting up the hot tag to Cena. A very quick AA attempt on Styles is countered into a Pele as everything breaks down. Gallows hits a chokebomb on Cass before Cena and Luke play pass the Enzo, only to have AJ hit the forearm on Gallows by mistake. The AA gets two on AJ with Karl making the save, setting up a spinebuster onto the table.
Cena dives back in at nine and the Styles Clash gets another near fall with Cass making the save. The Club takes out Cass so Enzo volunteers to fight them himself. Karl is sent into the post but Gallows kicks Enzo in the face, only to have Cena come back in and take Luke out. Styles comes back in but gets caught in a super AA for the pin at 14:23.
It's time for the Highlight Reel with the returning Randy Orton. Randy really seems happy to be back and is definitely here as a face. He talks about being gone for nine months to get back to this point and he's stuck here with this loser. Jericho says Orton being in this ring with him puts Orton on a different level. That makes Orton think he should drop Jericho with an RKO out of nowhere so Jericho sums up the last few months for him, including the tacks going into his back a little while ago.
Jericho offers the Gift of Jericho and Orton walks up to him, shaking Jericho up a bit. Orton says it was just to see the hair because it looks like Ellen DeGeneres'. We see a clip of Lesnar talking about hurting people but Orton is ready to go to Suplex City. See, it takes twenty suplexes to get there but it only takes one RKO to go to Viperville, NO ENHANCEMENT NEEDED. Even the crowd gasps at that one. Jericho suggests that Orton is in trouble and teases Orton about the RKO, which eventually hits, albeit not out of nowhere. This took WAY longer than it should have but that enhancement line was great.
We recap the Shield triple threat which is well over a few years in the making. The short version consists of Rollins returning from knee surgery and taking the title from Reigns, only to have Ambrose take it away that same night. This set up the triple threat but Reigns has been suspended for a month due to a Wellness violation.
WWE World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose
Ambrose is defending but before we can get going, here are all four authority figures (because there are four authority figures in WWE). We get the big match intros and the three way staredown before Rollins is knocked to the floor. Ambrose rolls Reigns up for two and eats a big clothesline for his efforts.
Rollins gets caught in a Samoan Drop but Ambrose takes them both down as they're only just out of first gear. Roman is sent outside and we get Rollins vs. Ambrose for the third time this week. They head to the floor as well with Ambrose going into the steps and Roman going into the barricade. This is the rather dull part of the match where they haven't cranked it up yet and there's clearly at least another ten minutes in the match so we're kind of stuck waiting.
All three wind up in the timekeeper's area for a bit before Ambrose missile dropkicks Reigns for two. The standing elbow drop gets two but Rollins comes back in to break up the cover. Roman gets in a Superman Punch to Rollins but Ambrose runs him over to put all three down. Now it's Reigns getting double teamed with both guys scoring off running dives to the floor. We see the locker rooms watching (I'm sure that's completely authentic) as Reigns is powerbombed through the announcers' table.
Back in and the Buckle Bomb is countered with a hurricanrana into the corner to put both guys down. Rollins is still able to run up the corner for the superplex into the falcon's arrow for the first near fall. Reigns comes back in to break up a superplex on Rollins, setting up a sitout powerbomb for two on Seth. The champ ducks the Superman Punch but can't hit Dirty Deeds, allowing the Punch to knock Dean outside. Rollins gets a very close fall off a Pedigree to Reigns, only to have the spear cut him in half. Ambrose scores with a quick Dirty Deeds to pin Reigns at 18:05.
JBL goes NUTS with a big rant about how great Smackdown is, completely forgetting how much he can't stand Ambrose. The Smackdown locker room comes out because this allegedly means something.
Results
Sasha Banks/Bayley b. Charlotte/Dana Brooke Bank Statement to Charlotte
Wyatt Family b. New Day Sister Abigail to Woods
Rusev b. Zack Ryder Accolade
Sami Zayn b. Kevin Owens Helluva Kick
Natalya b. Becky Lynch Sharpshooter
The Miz b. Darren Young via DQ when Bob Backlund interfered
John Cena/Enzo Amore/Big Cass b. The Club Super AA to Styles
Dean Ambrose b. Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins Dirty Deeds to Reigns
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Sami Zayn/Cesaro b. Kevin Owens/Chris Jericho Small package to Jericho
Darren Young b. Alberto Del Rio Rollup
Wyatt Family/The Club b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass/John Cena/New Day Styles Clash to Amore
Baron Corbin b. Sin Cara End of Days
Sasha Banks/Becky Lynch b. Charlotte/Dana Brooke via DQ when Natalya interfered
Smackdown
John Cena b. Luke Gallows Attitude Adjustment
Darren Young/Zack Ryder b. Rusev/The Miz Crossface chickenwing to Miz
Bray Wyatt b. Xavier Woods Sister Abigail
Charlotte/Dana Brooke b. Sasha Banks Natural Selection
Chris Jericho b. Cesaro Codebreaker
Dean Ambrose b. Seth Rollins Dirty Deeds
NXT
Samoa Joe b. Rhyno Koquina Clutch
Authors of Pain b. American Alpha Russian legsweep/clothesline combination
Austin Aries b. Patrick Clark Last Chancery
Bayley b. Nia Jax Super Bayley To Belly
Impact Wrestling
Mike Bennett b. Jeff Hardy Cutter
Matt Hardy b. James Storm Twist of Fate
Ethan Carter III b. Eli Drake Sunset flip
Drew Galloway b. Bram Futureshock
Lashley b. Eddie Edwards Spear
Battleground 2016
Sasha Banks/Bayley b. Charlotte/Dana Brooke Bank Statement to Charlotte
Wyatt Family b. New Day Sister Abigail to Woods
Rusev b. Zack Ryder Accolade
Sami Zayn b. Kevin Owens Helluva Kick
Natalya b. Becky Lynch Sharpshooter
The Miz b. Darren Young via DQ when Bob Backlund interfered
John Cena/Enzo Amore/Big Cass b. The Club Super AA to Styles
Dean Ambrose b. Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins Dirty Deeds to Reigns