The "Why Your HQ Sucks" HQ

[IrishCanadian25]

Simply Phenominal HQ​

Your HQ sucks because you claim Styles has "put on great matches." People thought Rob Van Dam and Jerry Lynn "put on great matches" for years, doesn't mean they'd win a tournament like this one. Being a "great athlete" doesn't translate into being a champion or being able to win a tournament of this caliber. Neither does wavering back and forth from 2nd tier promotion champion to 2nd tier promotion mid-card champion. "He is doing better than most would" is not a reason to vote for AJ Styles. Your HQ sucks.

The Swan-ton HQ​

Your HQ sucks because "Swanton HQ" sounds more like a hip Chinese Fusion Restaurant on the Sunset Strip than an actual movement. Jeff Hardy won World Titles for weeks <gasp> on end due to his sentimental attachement with kid fans who had no attention spans. Hardy's midsection may be made of oil, since no sooner than he gets a title belt on it does it slip off. He's the proprietor of some of the most meanlingless title reigns ever, and does his best work when he loses. Your HQ sucks.

SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR​

Your HQ sucks because Edge himself tried to post in the thread and got carpal tunnel syndrome, so he'll be sidelined until Summer Slam. He's a 9-time champion during a 2-brand WWE era. His 4 WWE Title reigns averaged 34.75 days each, roughly as long as the menstrual cycle of an overweight rhino. Edge's 5 World Title reigns average a meagerly respectable 59 days each, or just under 2 months a pop. Fortunately for you, his average title reign will end up being longer than his tenure in this tournament. Your HQ SUCKS! SUCKS! SUCKS!

Booker T HQ​

Your HQ sucks because you're backing the most underwhelming World Champion of all time. He held a WCW World Title that couldn't find a home regardless of any efforts he made, simply because he just happened to be the "young guy" some suits decided to put a belt on to try to show fans that the "same old politics" were over. Yes, he was the champion of the organization when it failed and went out of business. Well done, Capt. Spinerooni. His best work was with Harlem Heat and as a TV Champion, and he's best known for an obnoxious "King" gimmick (how original) and for the "Spinerooni!" deal. Your HQ Sucks...SUCKA!

Plenty more reasons why YOUR HQ SUCKS soon enough...

 

[Alex]

I'm sorry my thread wasn't up to your standards IC25, I'll try better next time.

 

[IrishCanadian25]

It wasn't your thread, Alex. It's your HQ. Your thread was fine. I'll never tear down a thread, just an HQ and a wrestler. That is, afterall, why we are here.

 

[Alex]

I did want to change it but it wouldn't let me for some reason.

 

[Shocky]

LOL, Don't take it seriously. You're selling the rib Alex.

 

[Alex]

I'm good at selling

 

[Big Sexy]

And your HQ sucks because it includes Bam Bam Bigelow. Although I like Bigelow he is out of his league in a tournament like this. He never held or even had a world title match to my knowledge in either WWE or WCW. His biggest career accomplishments are being the last remaining member from his survivor series team in 87 (that included Hogan) and losing. And being in the main event of Wrestlemania 11 against football player Lawrence Taylor and losing.

Bigelow was a career mid carder everywhere except for ECW and that's not saying much looking at most of the other guys who main evented there. Again I always liked Bigelow but compared to most in this tournament he doesn't measure up.

 

[Little Jerry Lawler]

I knew someone will bring up WM 11 and I bet you IC25 will counter with his opinion that Bigelow was trusted to carry that match of all people and he did a very good job.

 

[Big Sexy]

I knew someone will bring up WM 11 and I bet you IC25 will counter with his opinion that Bigelow was trusted to carry that match of all people and he did a very good job.

I'm glad he could carry a match. So could Dean Malenko but he wouldn't/doesn't stand a chance against most guys in this tournament.

 

[IrishCanadian25]

I knew someone will bring up WM 11 and I bet you IC25 will counter with his opinion that Bigelow was trusted to carry that match of all people and he did a very good job.

And now I don't have to.

Thank you my friend!

Also, everyboy gives a load of credit to Bret Hart for King of the Ring '93, but Bigelow carried a terrific match in his own right. Hell, Bigelow was an effective enough heel that he got some great mileage out of a feud with Doink the Clown.

 

[X]

...If "he made a good feud with Doink the Clown" is all that you've got to argue for Bam Bam with IC, he's not going to make it out of Round 1. Which he shouldn't really, depending on who he faces.

 

[Thriller Ant]

You mean we aren't voting based on head tattoos?

 

[Rhonda Rousey's Sports Bra]

You mean we aren't voting based on head tattoos?

I guess "Iron" Mike isn't going to make it as a special guest enforcer for the tourney.

 

[Checkmate]

I'll be waiting for the case of why Bam Bam goes over Hogan in round 1... lol

But this was an awesome read. Can't say I'm into the campaigning for votes or anything, especially since nobody knows the matchups yet. Kinda a waste of time if your guy gets a shit draw round 1, which can happen easily.

Of course, there is always the chance that someone makes it really far because they get lucky enough to score easy matchups anyway. On that thought, watch Bam Bam win the whole damn thing.

 

[D-Man]

Dude... he wrote "His 4 WWE Title reigns averaged 34.75 days each, roughly as long as the menstrual cycle of an overweight rhino."

I can't stop laughing.

 

[IrishCanadian25]

...If "he made a good feud with Doink the Clown" is all that you've got to argue for Bam Bam with IC, he's not going to make it out of Round 1. Which he shouldn't really, depending on who he faces.

You and I have been doing this dance for a few years now, X. You know damn well I have more than that.

 

[IrishCanadian25]

Join the Society​

Your HQ sucks because of his 3 World Titles, he has earned zero of them and been relevant for the same number. And speaking of relevance, the ECW Title in it's most recent incarnation is roughly as relevant as Ecuador in the Winter Olympics. The last relevant ECW champions were Big Show, Kurt Angle, and MAYBE Lashley, though even that is a stretch. "He's gifted and awesome" could describe half the guys in this tournament field, which is why the tournament is held, but I refuse to think that a guy whose most recent claim to fame is some honestly brilliant mic work and a series of losses to over-REY-ted Mysterio will get him anything more than a tickets out in round one. And since I haven't been drinking, smoking, or taking drugs, I can tell you with a clear head that your HQ sucks.

IF YOU SMMMEEELLLLEEEELL or whatever​

Your HQ sucks because you want to worship the movie star. The Rock had a remarkable stretch of time during wrestling's boom period where he benefitted from the borderline nuclear draw of Steve Austin and Vince McMahon, as well as the development of such talents as Triple H and Kurt Angle. Don't get me wrong - I am not discounting The Rock and his effect on the business, but he was really something of a transitional champ for quite a number of his 7 WWF Title reigns. And then what happened? He split. Can't blame him, really, I'd have done the same thing. More money, less injuries, and a lighter schedule in Hollywood? Sign me up. But I also wouldn't expect to win this tournament. Do you smell why your HQ sucks?

The Iconic HQ​

Your HQ sucks not only because Sting has never really been in the top promotion, but because he's never really been the top guy in the #2 promotion. He came on like a ball of fire in WCW - #2 by FAR in the late 80's and early 90's - partially due to the heel draw of Ric Flair. He "carried" the company for a short time when Flair went to WWF, during which of course he had a losing record to Vader in title matches, and wound up in feuds with the likes of Jake Roberts and Rick Rude. Once Flair returned, he regained the top spot, defeating Vader (which Sting was rarely able to do in a big match) and then giving way to Hogan. When WCW became #1, it was Hogan-driven and nWo-driven, so Sting was at best #2. He had a short stint "on top" in 1997 during which he never had a meaningful title reign (politics, yes) and just when he was poised to become a top guy again, WCW was #2 again. Being "the best guy to never work for Vince" is like being Dan Marino - great QB, never won "the big one." And that is why your HQ sucks.

The Undertaker HQ​

Your HQ sucks because 70% of his mystique and reputation has become centered around one single night of the year, Wrestlemania. If I were mind-blowingly great in bed only one day out of the year and either so-so or totally non-participative for the other 364 days, am I a good lover? No. Same deal here. Outside of Wrestlemania, Taker is a man who chokes in big spots and then beats up other big men for a while. He pounded away on guys like Kamala and Giant Gonzalez before being Yokozuna's bitch. He beat Sid in arguably the most overshadowed and underwhelming Wrestlemania Main Event ever. At Summerslam 1994, he beat himself, which is just funny to say. Undertaker is a part time performer and though he's respected in the locker room, he doesn't go over in tournaments like this. Your HQ sucks and will rest in peices.

 

[FromTheSouth]

This is some of IC's best work.

 

[Uncle Sam]

The last relevant ECW champions were Big Show, Kurt Angle, and MAYBE Lashley, though even that is a stretch.

You what? Furthermore, the exemption of Vince McMahon makes this one of the worst lists of three I've seen in the last five minutes.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I also refuse to credit a title reign which included main eventing SummerSlam with the hottest talent of 2009, in the best match of 2009, resulting from the best feud of 2009, with the best mic work of 2009 as irrelevant.

 

[Uncle Sam]

You also misspelled phenomenal, despite it being spelled correctly in the actual thread title. How are we meant to take anything you write seriously?

 

[Amarillo del Bosque Verde]

Lol I knew my HQ would eventually be mentioned...by the way dude Angle was never ecw champ

 

[IrishCanadian25]

Lol I knew my HQ would eventually be mentioned...by the way dude Angle was never ecw champ

Yeah, I remembered after I posted it. He was supposed to be, but left WWE instead. So I'll fix that.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Irish, you want a real "Your Guy Sucks" post.. here it is.

Hulk Hogan: Wrestling didn't stop, let alone die, in the late 80's - early 90's. Believe it or not, guys have still went on to become big names in the business, and take the Immortal One's spot. I guess that means he wasn't the guy who broke the mold, because the mold is still being used.

Steve Austin: If awards are handed out for being the #1 guy who had the greatest out-of-ring activities, then Steve Austin should win every single time. Unfortunately, inside a Wrestling ring the guy lost a lot. He was constantly screwed, which made him "legendary" because when he finally won a match, it seemed like the world was about to end.

The Undertaker: If I had imaginary powers that came from an urn, and could no-sell shit every single time something came around then I'd be considered a favorite too. Unfortunately, not every match will be contested under fairy tale rules and make-believe magics.

Vader: Pound for pound, and there's a lot of them, the toughest guy people look to back. And yet he's still never won the Heavyweight title in the #1 Company. Hmmm... funny how 2nd place feels a lot like 1st, when its all he'll ever find his way into.

Shawn Michaels: Maybe if he would've died, and made all these sigs with dates on them look more realistic, he'd be a heavier favorite.

Edge: (yes, you read right) Winning a 30 Man match to go on and job to a guy who under a week later drops the title to a midcarder makes the big 30-man victory look like Hornswoggle winning the Cruiserweight title. Meaningless, and makes you wonder why they did it.

Brock Lesnar: Its a shame we can't all be 2-year Legends, huh?

Stan Hansen: Wasn't he a member of the Blackjacks? Wait, no, that was the other guy who went on to become a Heavyweight Champion in the top Promotion who has a better looking clothesline.

Japanese Wrestlers: I think it speaks for itself that I didn't list any of their names, because in tournaments like these thats all they're every going to be considered. Foreign. Good luck, you'll have to work harder than anyone to make even one of them win something.

 

[Uncle Sam]

One of your worst yet, particularly The Undertaker section.