I've always been fascinated with death in all honesty. It's nothing barbaric in the sense that it gives me a thrill, or anything in that manner. You see, when I was 4 years old a great woman in my life died, my grandmother.
I remember very little about my Grandmother mere memories of her cooking, taking us to pick berries for her to put in a pie, trick or treating, and her insane fascination with birds remain evident in my head. However I recall the day she died. My parents pulled into my other grandmother's driveway, and for the first time in my life I saw my father cry.
I knew from that very moment, even at the age of 4, my Grandmother who had battled cancer for 28 years was dead.
However that's not what this thread is about. This thread is about the impact of death around those of the loved one dying.
You see, I didn't only lose my grandmother that day. I lost 1 other person that day as well. I lose my mother. Up until the passing of my Grandmother I remember my mom to be a very loving woman. She worked hard, and I was always showered in love and kisses. However upon the passing of my Grandmother, my mother became bitter; and for the past 12 years I've seen my mother battle depression off and on nonstop. It got to the point that I once told a very dear friend of mine during one of the most intimate conversations I've ever had with someone, that in some sick sense, I wanted my Mother died. I want to understand why my mother has went through the pain and suffering that she has went through throughout the past 12 years. I want to understand that grief and anguish. I want to feel that pain.
A friend of mine lost his mother about 4 years ago. I was having the same conversation with him, telling him I want to understand that pain. He put it to me in these words "You have good days, and you have bad days. The grief often strikes you so suddenly you barely realize it." We then dropped the subject, as I could tell it was making him very emotional; and that wasn't my goal.
2 years ago on the Fourth of July I lost my Grandfather. I had never heard the man speak in my life, as at age 3 he had his voice box removed due to throat cancer. He would always pick at us children, and I distinctly remember his wheezing laugh. I saw my Grandfather in very very bad states throughout life. They easily gave him 2-3 months to live a dozen times during the 16 years I remember his struggle to live. It didn't hit me quite as hard as expected. I felt a man that had suffered for as long as he had fight was finally over.
The sorrow it brings my Dad is outstanding. I saw him cry several times, obviously; and I saw him kiss his father on the cheek one last time. My Dad is a very emotionally suppressed man, he never shows any emotions towards anyone nor anything; but throughout the week of his Father's death I saw my Father lose control of his emotions, several times.
Life is beautiful, but Death causes people to become more vulnerable than they can possibly imagine. It's why I've chosen to go to college to be a Hospice Nurse.
Have you ever felt the kiss of death?
Have you seen the impact it causes on the people around you?
What were the emotions you felt, and feel to this very day?
I remember very little about my Grandmother mere memories of her cooking, taking us to pick berries for her to put in a pie, trick or treating, and her insane fascination with birds remain evident in my head. However I recall the day she died. My parents pulled into my other grandmother's driveway, and for the first time in my life I saw my father cry.
I knew from that very moment, even at the age of 4, my Grandmother who had battled cancer for 28 years was dead.
However that's not what this thread is about. This thread is about the impact of death around those of the loved one dying.
You see, I didn't only lose my grandmother that day. I lost 1 other person that day as well. I lose my mother. Up until the passing of my Grandmother I remember my mom to be a very loving woman. She worked hard, and I was always showered in love and kisses. However upon the passing of my Grandmother, my mother became bitter; and for the past 12 years I've seen my mother battle depression off and on nonstop. It got to the point that I once told a very dear friend of mine during one of the most intimate conversations I've ever had with someone, that in some sick sense, I wanted my Mother died. I want to understand why my mother has went through the pain and suffering that she has went through throughout the past 12 years. I want to understand that grief and anguish. I want to feel that pain.
A friend of mine lost his mother about 4 years ago. I was having the same conversation with him, telling him I want to understand that pain. He put it to me in these words "You have good days, and you have bad days. The grief often strikes you so suddenly you barely realize it." We then dropped the subject, as I could tell it was making him very emotional; and that wasn't my goal.
2 years ago on the Fourth of July I lost my Grandfather. I had never heard the man speak in my life, as at age 3 he had his voice box removed due to throat cancer. He would always pick at us children, and I distinctly remember his wheezing laugh. I saw my Grandfather in very very bad states throughout life. They easily gave him 2-3 months to live a dozen times during the 16 years I remember his struggle to live. It didn't hit me quite as hard as expected. I felt a man that had suffered for as long as he had fight was finally over.
The sorrow it brings my Dad is outstanding. I saw him cry several times, obviously; and I saw him kiss his father on the cheek one last time. My Dad is a very emotionally suppressed man, he never shows any emotions towards anyone nor anything; but throughout the week of his Father's death I saw my Father lose control of his emotions, several times.
Life is beautiful, but Death causes people to become more vulnerable than they can possibly imagine. It's why I've chosen to go to college to be a Hospice Nurse.
Have you ever felt the kiss of death?
Have you seen the impact it causes on the people around you?
What were the emotions you felt, and feel to this very day?