Sketch Comedy!

Discussion in 'The Media Hub' started by enviousdominous, Jun 29, 2016.

  1. enviousdominous

    enviousdominous Behold my diction

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    Oh balls. I've become so stressed out from a week of trying to meticulously plan and prioritize my unhealthy indulgences, that I ran out of comically huge syringes of adrenaline to inject directly into my heart. I need straight excitement, no chaser. Internet, I order you to sodomize my imagination.


    GADZOOKS! I just experienced excitement to the power of ten billion! I feel like I'm going super saiyan in this motherfucker! There's only one way to spend my overflowing mojo, and that is as a hard boiled detective who likes to scream his own name. Let the rapture begin!

     
    #51 enviousdominous, Aug 23, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2018
    Monster Amongst Men likes this.
  2. enviousdominous

    enviousdominous Behold my diction

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    It's always been my dream in life to have everything, if only to rub it in the face of everyone else that I have it and they don't. You have to give things to get things, so my strategy is to take a vow of poverty and wait for everything to come to me. Also; if I can't technically have the universe, I'll take Ms. Universe instead.


    I SAW THAT! You looked at Ms. Universe, you summabitch, I saw her in that video first. If I see something, it should belong to me after all. I will now turn around and stare at nothing for a few weeks.

     
    #52 enviousdominous, Sep 13, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2018
  3. enviousdominous

    enviousdominous Behold my diction

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    Family is everything, so expand on everything and make a bigger family. Talk about your family at the most inappropriate times, to your family, and ensure that fully understanding how many different ways you're connected is mathematically arbitrary.


    And just in case some Farkel wanders up to you and suggests that you may be a Farkel as well, play along. Exacerbate the whacked out reality that you've apparently wandered in to, and at no point break character.

     
    #53 enviousdominous, Oct 16, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2018
  4. enviousdominous

    enviousdominous Behold my diction

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    I loosely expected that I could fix complex machinery by playing minstrel music and walking around all funny-like, then wouldn't you know it, I didn't expect that result loosely enough!


    Screw these screwy machines. The ancient Egyptians built pyramids with lost technologies of engineering, so therefore the best technology is that which nobody has any awareness of. *BLEHHH*

     
    #54 enviousdominous, Oct 23, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2018
  5. enviousdominous

    enviousdominous Behold my diction

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    HOLY MOSES! It's voting day. I need to vote RIGHT NOW! While I'm gone, make sure to... DAMMIT! The phone. One second.


    Now Sir Walter Raleigh is trying to push smoking on me!? How am I supposed to relieve stress through smoking if I haven't voted yet!? How am I supposed to vote if I haven't smoked a deliciously deadly cigarette!?

     
    #55 enviousdominous, Nov 6, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2018
  6. enviousdominous

    enviousdominous Behold my diction

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    If you know me, you know that I love gardening. Gardening is a great way to forget everything that exists in this world outside of the fun plants that you're planting and the level of extreme danger that gardening puts you in. You should also know that I hate dying, so I heed the helpful advice of master horticulturist Michael Swaim, and you should too.


    WHOA! WAIT! Where are that sexy man's knee pads!? This is a clear OSHA violation, and a most disgusting one at that. If you have a weak stomach, don't watch Michael Swaim do things. Instead, watch this helpful video depicting all the things that can happen if you garden carelessly.

     
    #56 enviousdominous, Nov 20, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2018
  7. enviousdominous

    enviousdominous Behold my diction

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    Hey Wrestlezone! I'm feeling a might peckish. I'm thinking that I just want to nibble on a small tidbit of comedy, nothing too fancy. Why, it would be ethically hedonistic to take more comedy than my current appetite could bear.


    Oh my! I can hardly contain my hunger! I want to gorge myself on comedy now! My hunger can only be indulged by comedy that's raw, tender, and so wholesome that it causes my brain to go into shock!

     

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