Week of 9/20/10 - 9/26/10

klunderbunker

Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday

Chyna had alcohol poisoning. Is anyone surprised here?

Jericho very well may be done, at least for a good while.

Ok apparently Chyna overdosed on allergy medicine to be able to sleep.

Hogan is in the hospital again and just happened to have a video posted from there already. Are they even trying to make these things look real anymore?

Raw
Date: September 20, 2010
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

It’s the first show after Night of Champions and one of two, yes I said TWO shows before Hell in a Cell. For the life of me I can’t believe Vince is stupid enough to think that his fans can afford 135 dollars in five weeks on wrestling shows. Tonight is a double taping so we’ll know the whole Raw card by tomorrow. The show is starting now so let’s get to it.

Orton comes out to start the show with his newly won title. Damn can we get him a belt that doesn’t look like a 3rd grade girl designed it? Before he even gets off the ropes here’s Sheamus to complain. He says the title was stolen from him and bitches to Orton about it. After a basic back and forth thing we get the E-Mail announcing, of course, Orton vs. Sheamus in Hell in a Cell. I hate this show for reasons like these: NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THESE TWO IN A CELL MATCH. It’s like regular match, regular match, multi-man match, CELL TIME BABY!

We argue a bit more. Orton says he’d RKO his own grandmother to keep his title, then RKO Sheamus’ grandmother to see the look on her face. That’s either really stupid or TOTALLY AWESOME. Sheamus wants the belt so Orton throws it to him. You know what’s coming. Sweet jumping RKO and Sheamus is left laying as Orton gets to pose with it a bit more. He comes back and sets for the punt but Sheamus gets away.

Cena vs. Barrett tonight. Glad to see they’re giving it a full day before having that showdown. Of course there’s no way that ends clean but you get the idea.

The Hart Dynasty is at ringside for the next match. Cole of course makes fun of them.

Drew McIntyre/Cody Rhodes vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov

Cole of course is an annoying dick about everything and Smith does a sweet McIntyre impression. Santino gets beaten up, Kozlov gets beaten up, Santino goes for the Cobra, Drew kicks his head off. After about two minutes of nothing happening, Futureshock ends it. Rematch for the titles next week on Raw apparently.

Legendary is on DVD next week.

We recap the AWESOME Sheamus/Morrison match from last week and up next is Jericho vs. Morrison. Either it’s swerve time or he signed a new contract or this is a one night thing.

Edge is in the back and here’s Ryder to be annoying. Daniel Bryan comes up as Doc explodes into about 1000 pieces. Bryan vs. Edge is made for tonight and Ryder is an idiot.

Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison

Well ok then. Cole of course repeats the whole training thing Morrison does for about the 5th time tonight. HUGE dive over the post but he hits the feet of Jericho. Still looked decent though. We take a break and come back to Morrison pounding Jericho down. Jericho makes his comeback and calls Morrison a stupid man.

Lionsault misses as does the Flash Kick but Jericho gets the Walls. I know I haven’t said much here but there hasn’t been much to talk about in this match. It’s been pretty decent though. Ropes are grabbed to a very solid pop. Morrison reverses the hold again after about 10 rollup combinations for both guys. He kicks the CRAP out of Jericho’s head and Starship Pain HITS to give him the clean pin.

Cena is happy and says he enjoyed seeing Orton beat Barrett. He goes back to his I’ll take out Nexus thing, saying he’s starting with the leader tonight because if he’s gone then there goes the team. The Winds of Change stop tonight.

Here comes Miz to say he had a bad knee coming into last night. He gave up to cause the match to end so he wouldn’t have to take time off for surgery.

Edge vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan comes out to the fucking RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES. Ok that’s awesome. Big pop for Edge too. Bryan beats him up for the most part but the main idea is Miz on commentary. Bryan goes for a shoulder or something but jumps into a big boot. Well what else would he jump into? LeBell Lock is attempted out of nowhere but here’s Riley to get on the apron. A shot by Edge sets up the spear to end it.

There’s an e-mail while Edge is still in the ring. He looks PISSED. The e-mail says the decision is reversed and Bryan wins it. WE GET THE SONG AGAIN! Edge fucking SNAPS and goes off, saying he’s sick of the GM, the beeping (AMEN), the computer and Cole. Riley and Miz beat up Bryan in the ring for the big beatdown and some solid slaps. This was pretty intense and Miz came off as vicious which is always good. Miz’s last line of “your champion ladies and gentlemen, your champion” was great stuff.

Ad for Legendary. Let it go Vince. Let it go.

Divas Title: Layla vs. Melina

Michelle is on commentary here. They both are champions still here and both have the big butterfly belts still. Oh dear. Melina gets sent to the floor early on and takes Layla’s head off with a clothesline. Melina goes after Michelle and then drills Layla. This is rather intense. We randomly start a count at seven and back in the ring Layla hits one move: Diamond Dust, to end it.

Nexus is collaborating in the back.

Jericho talks about his DVD which is one long past due. He isn’t here for that though but rather to yell at the GM. Jericho has found Cole’s IP address and is THIS CLOSE to exposing the GM’s identity. He changes his mind though and says he’ll blackmail the GM and control Raw. Jericho demands a title match and Orton pops up behind him. Match next week, if Jericho wins he gets a shot. Orton implies Jericho will be gone after the match.

R-Truth and Eve come out to the new song and NO reaction. Eve looks good in those shorts but can’t dance.

R-Truth/Eve vs. Ted DiBiase/Maryse

Ted has a new song too. It’s borderline Bluegrass music. I’ll let you figure out what I think of it, and keep in mind I hate country music deeply. The fans chant WHAT’S UP but hey it’s time for a new song so who cares. The guys start us off and in case you couldn’t guess, this match sucks. Truth dives to take out DiBiase and the French Kiss is blocked into a neckbreaker to end Maryse.

As Ted and Maryse are leaving we get a cryptic love video, saying I Will Have You. Yeah I don’t care either.

Wade Barrett vs. John Cena

Nexus comes out with Barrett and I’m expecting an E-Mail soon. They stay on the stage though just to mess with our heads. Wade grabs a mic and climbs up on the announcers’ table. Since Cena wants to pick apart Nexus one by one, it’s a gauntlet match. Slater comes out first and Cena hits a gutwrench suplex for two. Slater gets a neckbreaker for two and controls for a bit. He goes up for a top rope cross body but Cena rolls through into an FU for the pin.

Otunga comes down as we go to a break. After nothing of note a small package takes care of Otunga. This was pretty worthless.

Tarver is next and Cole says he’s one bad dude as we go back to the 80s I guess. STF ends him in like 45 seconds.

Gabriel comes in and does some nice stuff, hitting a spinwheel kick to get two. After a long beating Cena hits a dropkick just to piss off the smarks. DAMN good one too actually. It doesn’t do much though as Gabriel takes over, hitting an AWESOME moonsault where he jumped from the mat to the top rope with Cena like a foot from the ropes and hit it perfectly. That was awesome.

Nexus is still at ringside as Cena and Gabriel punch it out. Cena initiates his ending sequence and here’s Nexus for the DQ. Barrett stood on the table the whole time. Barrett gets a chair but Cena takes him down and steals it, scaring the Nexus off.

Cena gets the mic and says he wants Barrett right now. Barrett says no because he wants more incentive for it. Cena says name the stakes, so Barrett says if Cena loses he joins the Nexus. The match is at the PPV of course, but Cena isn’t done yet. If he wins, Nexus is DONE. He makes jokes about the Nexus members being gone, including saying Otunga can go back to leeching off his wife. The big staredown ends it.

Results
Drew McIntyre/Cody Rhodes b. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov – Futureshock to Kozlov
John Morrison b. Chris Jericho – Starship Pain
Daniel Bryan b. Edge via DQ when Miz and Alex Riley interfered
Layla b. Melina – Diamond Dust
Eve/R-Truth b. Maryse/Ted DiBiase – Spinning neckbreaker to Maryse
John Cena vs. Nexus went to a no contest – Nexus interference


Tuesday

Mr. Anderson signed a big long extension. Great to see them signing guys that have popped the ratings like he has. Ok that’s not fair. No one pops the ratings in TNA.

Raw got a 2.8, which is the lowest in about two years. It should be noted that last night was a great Monday Night Football game as well as the season premiere of a lot of network TV shows which always drop a bit the next week.

NXT
Date: September 21, 2010
Location: U.S. Cellular Coliseum, Bloomington, Indiana
Commentators: Josh Matthews, C.M. Punk

This is week #3 and surprisingly enough the rating went up a bit last week. The show is rather entertaining although not exactly in the way they’re shooting for I don’t think. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the obstacle course last week. Correction: we open with talking about Vickie from last week. The other rookies get a montage but not as much time as Vickie got. The video finishes with Cole and the gong (still the most awesome part of the season so far) and him quitting. Just to be clear: Cole and Vickie got more time in this package than the rookies.

Josh welcomes us to the show and points out that Cole isn’t here. C.M. Punk of all people comes out and apparently he is the newest commentator! He’s my favorite wrestler so I can’t complain at all. I also like this for him actually as it lets him save a bit of face after getting destroyed by Show on Sunday. His mic work is his greatest attribute so I don’t see a downside here.

The girls come out and Punk doesn’t seem to like Kaitlyn because she used to be a bartender. Punk’s sport coat is rather dapper to say the least. Striker says his usual stuff and is interrupted by Vickie. Kaitlyn vs. Jamie later tonight and Vickie has brought Laycool to be Kaitlyn’s coaches for tonight. No entrance sequence though which takes away their appeal a bit.

They make fun of Jamie, or at least they think that’s what her name is. Layla says Jamie’s pros wouldn’t make a difference if they were here, because they’re the Bella Twins. She bashes the rest of the rookies in comments that are probably shoot lines but aren’t supposed to be.

Kelly comes down and yells at them, deciding it’s going to be Laycool and Kaitlyn vs. Kelly, Jamie and Naomi. How is this supposed to be good for Kelly’s team?

After a break we come back for musical chairs. No way this tops Eugene’s game of it from 2004. Kaitlyn is out first as Punk makes funny little jokes here about how he did this in the Steel Domain Training School. Jamie is out second. Maxine is out but goes after Aksana. Punk shouts that this isn’t how you play musical chairs! The winner of this gets immunity apparently. Aksana is out. AJ wins it and we actually have a controversial finish. They hug it out anyway.

We profile Aksana who is at least fun to look at. She says you need to be smart to be sexy and powerful. She’s with Goldie in the back and he says the video was awesome. Apparently she has a problem with her work visa and she might be deported. There’s a bad case of that going around in the company in the last few months. His pep talk is cut off for some reason.

Punk says he never had a conversation like that with his NXT rookie, who isn’t named here. We recap last night’s main event angle which made sense: Barrett didn’t want to fight Cena without something being on the line and with the match being in 13 days he wanted Nexus to wear him down a little bit. The emphasis on the dropkick from Cena is hilarious.

Maxine vs. AJ

Punk makes Girl Scout Cookie references which oddly fits here. Josh: what did you tell your NXT rookie? Punk: I told him to win. We’re told that AJ has a lucha libra style which even Punk doesn’t agree with. A Jersey Shore reference gets almost no reaction from Punk, who of course is the most entertaining aspect of this match. He makes Vintage jokes as for the first time in this season I have some chuckles from the commentary.

Punk says this is the greatest television show on Earth and slightly cracks up at the end. AJ gets a brainbuster for the pin in like a minute and a half with a suplex that is called a brainbuster and a floatover.

Post match Cole comes out, making me wonder why in the world he’s in the building tonight since he would have nothing to do with this show or Smackdown. He talks about how everyone wants him back and makes a fairly tasteless drunk driving joke about New York Jets receiver Braylon Edwards who was arrested earlier today for DWI. Cole announces that he is returning to NXT, making me want to change the channel. Was there a point in him quitting at all? At least Punk is sticking around.

We do the Talk the Talk Challenge where they get a topic and have a minute to talk.

Jamie gets teeth. She says the Universe doesn’t want to hear her talk about teeth but rather about how she’s going to rock their world. This is ok but the lack of staying on topic doesn’t help at all.

Naomi get toupee and repeats the word for about 10 seconds. She’s booed right from the start and says she has nothing at all to say about a toupee. Naomi says we’re here to wrestle. I like the spirit of it but I can’t imagine any of them working a good match. Both she and Jamie are disqualified.

AJ gets caffeine and says she doesn’t need that to get herself up because she has this business. That was decent actually as she tried if nothing else.

Aksana gets llama. Oh this isn’t going to go well. She looks good in blue and hits on Striker for some reason. She doesn’t know what a llama is so she wants Striker to show her what a llama is. This is funnier than it sounds.

Maxine gets foot and is called Mad Maxine which I believe is a reference to some chick from the 80s. She runs down AJ and says she can use her foot to squash her.

Kaitlyn goes last and her topic is ignition. Somehow this turns into a discussion of everyone in their underwear and how it gets her ignition going in some case. Punk isn’t wearing pants which is the best line of this promo. AJ wins by a mile of course.

At 10:57 we take a break before the last match. Cutting it a bit close no?

Kelly Kelly/Naomi/Jamie vs. Laycool/Kaitlyn

We get some jokes about Solie, Adamle and some Facebook guy named BoomerSooner32. The Rookies are in soon enough and Layla steals Jamie’s flower. She makes fun of Jamie’s fitness stuff before getting beaten up. Layla: I’ve had enough of this! That was greatness indeed.

Kaitlyn spears Jamie and the announcers continue to make fun of Ross. Uh oh he might blog about you! Naomi comes in and beats on Michelle with some rather athletic looking stuff. Michelle hits a belly to belly suplex but heel miscommunication keeps Kaitlyn from coming in for the pin. When she finally does Naomi rolls her over and pins her. Laycool kicks her ass afterwards.

Most importantly, Punk says he’s coming back next week. He does the sendoff and tells Josh to shut up as we go off the air. Nice to have a laugh to close the show.

Results
AJ won a game of musical chairs
AJ b. Maxine – Brainbuster
AJ won the Talk the Talk Challenge
Kelly Kelly/Naomi/Jamie b. Laycool/Kaitlyn

Wednesday

TNA signed Mickie James

Thursday

NXT got a .8. That’s more like it.

Christian has a torn pectoral and will be out for six months. That came out of nowhere.

Amazing Red won the X-Division Title at the TNA house show in New York moments ago. It’s currently 8:33 PM. Yes, TNA is holding a house show in the biggest market in the country at the same time Impact airs.

Impact
Date: September 23, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay
Episode Title: They Say….Only the Strong Will Survive

After the two and a half hours that accomplished nothing at all I’m really not sure what we have left for this week. We’ve got three shows left before BFG and I’m not sure what they’re going to do until then. The rating is likely going to be low tonight due to shows like The Office and Grey’s Anatomy coming back on tonight. Show’s on so let’s get to it.

We recap the events of last week with Dixie being pissed off at Eric for no apparent reason other than we have a three way dance again since her idea didn’t work.

We immediately go to a match.

Abyss vs. Rob Terry

RVD is trying to get to the ring but is held back. Great to see that the guy that was stripped of the title is back in time for the PPV but isn’t in the title match for no apparent reason. Also great to see that a torturer is out there in a ring and everyone is fine with it. Terry hits his spin kick but gets taken down by a clothesline.

Terry counters something into a World’s Strongest Slam and a powerslam. And we have dueling chants already. Chokeslam crushes Terry for two. This power vs. power thing is kind of working for me here. We cut to RVD and Hardy in the back where RVD is trying to get in. Back in the arena Abyss pulls the guard rail apart and hits Terry with it, giving Terry the win.

RVD comes through the crowd and has at least 8 body parts bandaged. He brings a chair with him and blasts one of the security dudes with it. Abyss is forced out and the former champion, as in the more recent one, limps into the ring. Van Dam wants Bischoff here now as we take a break.

He’s mad at Eric who is already out there when we get back. RVD is mad about the tournament which is his title. He wishes all three good luck, including saying Anderson twice in a funny moment. This is serious RVD here. His doctor says he’ll be cleared to wrestle by October 10, which of course is the day of BFG. The match is of course made for BFG with about zero prodding needed to make Bischoff say yes. We needed a break to get to this? Ah ok Bischoff has more to say. Ok no he doesn’t. Or does he?

Pope comes out and says he’s awesome. He says that since Angle and Hardy didn’t win and are in the title match, he should be in also because he didn’t win. Bischoff is a con man apparently and he wants to discuss this in the back in private. Sounds like Sidious.

The Beautiful People want the tag titles. Of course they do. Lacey sits behind them and SNAPS about Rayne and Tara. Kind of awesome actually.

Pope wants to bitch about things even more so Bischoff makes it Joe vs. Pope tonight and if Pope wins he might make it a 4way. Ok then.

Jeremy Buck vs. Chris Sabin

Should be good. Max is thrown out immediately. This isn’t as fast paced as you’d expect actually but it does have some spots in it that are. Jeremy goes for Sabin’s neck and shoulder which is taped up. Full nelson goes on which is a logical move. Tornado DDT is blocked as Sabin gets an enziguri and a very quick rollup for the pin. And it’s another two and a half minute match. Max runs out for the beatdown post match. Double elevated DDT to Sabin. They steal his belt after the match.

Knockouts Tag Titles up next.

Before the match Jarrett and Pope bitch some more.

Knockouts Tag Titles: Taylor Wilde/Hamada vs. Lacey Von Erich/Velvet Skye

Hamada gets a big kick on Velvet and her face is absolutely hilarious. Moonsault misses of course but it would have landed on her legs anyway. These titles remind me of the way tag titles were defended back in the 70s. There are no stories or anything like that here. We just have champions and they fight whoever the two girls we can get together are in a random title match.

Lacey can’t even get on the second rope properly. Rana out of the corner is in slow motion and Hamada makes a save after the pin is kicked out of. This is PAINFULLY sloppy. Madison runs in and hits Lacey in the back with the helmet. Not that she goes down or anything, but a kick from Taylor gets her the pin. Angelina comes down and looks great. She stares Madison down.

EV 2.0 is here. Oh freaking great.

We get a video package about Jesse freaking Neal of all people. Yeah because SO many people care about him. This is something worth putting on TV?

Dixie Carter is on commentary as we send out get well wishes for Hulk Hogan. She makes a battle royal for the live Impact with everyone on the BFG card for $100,000. Ok then.

D’Angelo Dinero vs. Samoa Joe

If Pope wins he’s in the BFG main event. Joe has absolutely nothing to win here so he’s pissed off. Total dominance by Joe so far. Pope makes a comeback and hits the worst atomic drop ever, getting him up maybe 3 inches. Snap powerslam by Joe gets two as momentum shifts one more time. Pope gets in position for the DDE but Jarrett comes out because Pope bitched about him earlier. Cue Sting and Nash to beat up Jarrett. Joe grabs the Clutch and gets the win before joining the fight. More or less he was like “oh wait have to make him tap real fast. Time to fight now.”

Dreamer is in the back with EV and we get two matches announced. Lethal Lockdown with Fourtune vs. EV 2.0 at BFG and Sabu vs. AJ in a ladder match for the advantage in Lethal Lockdown tonight. This took 30 seconds.

Anderson is here to talk of course. You knew it wasn’t to wrestle. He calls out Angle and sucks up to him of course. Angle says he loves this business and that maybe he is crazy for trying to do what he does. They shake hands and the segment ends with no Hardy or even a mention of him by the wrestlers.

Flair gives Fourtune and AJ a pep talk, saying how he needs to get them the advantage tonight for BFG. They do some weird drinking game with Flair that makes no sense to me but whatever. Ah apparently he had to down a Smirnoff Ice and this is hilarious for some reason.

Shore is still coming. This makes my head hurt.

Nash talks to Pope, in his FIFTH appearance in 90 minutes. He and Sting talk to Pope about Tessmacher who is a key to this whole thing somehow?

We get a package on Fourtune vs. EV 2.0, which makes me shake my head. It’s 2010 and ECW is the focus of a major storyline.

Sabu vs. AJ Styles

This is a ladder match and DREAM match according to Tenay. Whose dream would that be Mike? Sabu goes for the ladder so AJ stops him. I’ve never gotten that thinking process as AJ has to get it too later. We keep getting told this is a dream match although it’s not my dream for sure. AJ shows some very nice psychology by constantly keeping the ladder from Sabu, the weapons master.

The ladder is constantly thrown to the floor and kept out of the ring until AJ can get some shots in with it. And here’s Foley coming down to the ring as we go to a break. Flair and Morgan are here as we’re back. Without going into details, EV and Fourtune all come down and it’s a bit wild brawl while the match is still going on. Sabu pushes the ladder over and then does a big dive to the floor where he takes out security and Dreamer, missing Fourtune entirely.

Roode stops him from winning the match but takes a GREAT Gore. Last Call takes Rhyno down and both guys go up the ladder. Down goes AJ but Storm cracks Sabu with a beer bottle and helps AJ up the ladder to get the key for advantage in the Lethal Lockdown match.

Jeff talks to RVD and is glad he’s back. Jeff looks nervous about something and Abyss jumps him after RVD leaves. Abyss talks about taking Jeff to the same place RVD went and we hear something hitting Jeff as we go to a break.

Video on Abyss with a soundbyte from Eric while the Beautiful People’s music is playing in the background.

Abyss comes out with Hardy out cold over his shoulder and is holding Janice. No blood it seems on Jeff though. He says he’ll stop RVD’s breathing at Bound For Glory and the rest of his usual stuff. Abyss says Janice wants RVD tonight. Van Dam comes down with a chair and gets his ass kicked. Abyss holds up the board and Impact is over. We start ReAction with Abyss still holding the board up. Ink Inc makes the save.

Results
Rob Terry b. Abyss via DQ when Abyss hit him with a guard rail
Chris Sabin b. Jeremy Buck – Rollup
Taylor Wilde/Hamada b. Velvet Skye/Lacey Von Erich – Bicycle Kick to Lacey
Samoa Joe b. D’Angelo Dinero – Koquina Clutch
AJ Styles b. Sabu – AJ grabbed the key

Friday

Giant Gonzalez passed away. I was reading about him the other day. He was 44 and in bad health for many years.

Smackdown
Date: September 24, 2010
Location: U.S. Cellular Coliseum, Bloomington, Indiana
Commentators: Matt Striker, Todd Grisham

It’s weird to think that a show is a followup as well as being a week away from a go home show but in the wacky world of WWE and Vince’s refusal to accept that people can’t afford $135 in 3 weeks on WWE PPVs alone we’re a mere 9 days away from Hell in a Cell. I wouldn’t expect much of a change at all in the main event scene as Taker vs. Kane in the Cell is about as much of a given as you could ask for. Other than that the card is kind of unpredictable on this side, so let’s get to it.

I still love this theme song. It gets me in the mood for a wrestling show which is the exact point of such a song.

Kane has a challenge for Taker tonight. I wonder what that could be with just over a week before Hell in a Cell. Here’s Kane but for a match.

Kane vs. Chris Masters

How often do you see the world champion opening a show? I do love a good squash so this should be fun. Why didn’t they announce this throughout the week? I see nothing but dollar signs here. The announcers point out that Masters has one move and one move only of note which is the sign of a true jobber.

Masters gets some offense in, including a decent second rope tackle. He actually gets the Masterlock for a good while but Kane rams him into the buckle to break it. Kane hits that low dropkick of his which is a fairly decent move for him I think. As Kane dominates we hear about the plan he’s been working on for 15 years which is a stretch but it’s continuity so big points for that.

Some quick offense from Masters results in him jumping into an uppercut from Kane to put him back down. Kane gets the Chokeslam but wants the Tombstone. I missed that move and am glad that it’s been making a comeback. This is of course the end of the match, which got a full six minutes. That’s far longer than I expected but it wasn’t bad at all.

The champion gets a mic and talks down Taker and the people. I love the way he speaks as it sounds like he’s orgasming on every word. He’s really into this role and it’s definitely working. Kane gets out of the ring and goes into the crowd, talking about the stench of fear in the arena. He gets on a knee and gets in the face of a ten year old or so kid, talking about how afraid everyone is. He has a challenge for Taker later tonight. Effective promo here as Kane looked very intense and into the promo which is something you don’t often see in this company.

Tag Titles: Drew McIntyre/Cody Rhodes vs. Hart Dynasty

Are Dusty’s kids just a massive rib on him from Vince’s warped mind? We have a guy like Goldust and a metrosexual as the sons of the Common Man. Isn’t this match supposed to be happening on Raw? The challengers control early as we take a break. Back and momentum has changed with Drew beating up David. David will be playing the role of Ricky Morton tonight.

Scratch that as I’ve never seen Morton hit an electric chair drop to get himself out of trouble. He makes the tag anyway as Kidd comes in with dropkicks for everyone. He’s definitely the more interesting and better of the team. Everything falls apart and Drew gets the turnbuckle pad off. A hot shot into the exposed buckle and Futureshock to Kidd end this.

Taker is sitting in a stairwell doing nothing at all.

We cut to a closeup of Alberto Del Rio’s face and pan out to see Christian holding his arm in agony. There’s his writeoff angle I guess. Best choice to get rid of him I would think.

Raw recap, or Nexus vs. Cena recap that is. The insane emphasis on Cena’s dropkick makes me smile. Thanks for spending over three minutes on a recap of a show like this.

The Dudebusters try to make Horny laugh. They can’t get into Tag Team Turmoil but they can get a bad comedy sketch. Ah ok it’s about moving to Sci-Fi. Well it’s better than just trying to get him to talk for the sake of getting him to talk I guess.

NXT’s newest commentator is putting the X’s on his tape when Gallows comes in. Punk runs him down and Gallows shoves him against the wall and lifts him off the ground by the throat. Gallows talks about how Punk is better than no one but Gallows is better than Punk. When he beats Punk tonight he’s going out and celebrating by having a beer.

Kaval vs. Chavo Guerrero

No Laycool here which takes my interest level down a bit. Chavo tries to throw him to the floor but the bald one gets a nice counter to stay in the ring. Dragon Sleeper on the ropes as this is a rather intense match so far. Striker contradicts himself by saying how Kaval has been wrestling for about ten years and then says he’s a rookie. I get what he’s saying but it’s kind of a weird statement.

Three Amigos hit Kaval but the third is closer to a brainbuster than a suplex. Frog Splash misses and Kaval gets a rolling Liger Kick. Chavo knocks him off the middle rope though as Kaval goes for a suplex but gets shoved off. A Frog Splash gives Chavo the clean win.

We recap Del Rio hurting Rey. What perfect timing as here’s Alberto. He talks about how all of his opponents wind up in the hospital which is the silver lining for Christian’s injury. It makes Alberto look even more dominant and deadly as Christian isn’t someone that is easy to get rid of. He’s like a bad fungus that way.

We see Rey’s injury angle again and Alberto tells us that Rey will be here next week. This gets ZERO reaction which is kind of weird. Rey has challenged him to a match for next week but we don’t get an acceptance as here’s Christian. The ring announcer slows Christian down and there’s the arembreaker which Christian taps to. The same chair around the arm to the post spot takes Christian way down as Alberto laughs.

Taker is still all emo in the stairwell.

Big Show vs. Gatecrashers

Well this is random and pretty easy to predict but let’s do it anyway. The team has to tag in and out with Hawkins starting. A LOUD slap on the back sounds absolutely painful. How awesome is that when a guy just slaps you on the back and later chest? Big Show is twice the size of Archer apparently. A camel clutch on Archer ends this in like a minute. No rating obviously.

Swagger comes in to talk to Josh. He’s all happy and peppy and bursting with love here because he gets to go back to Oklahoma for Smackdown next week. He has some jerseys with him but some guys take them away in a cardboard box. The segment just kind of ends. That was odd.

CM Punk vs. Luke Gallows

Gallows goes straight after Punk as Punk wants to talk about this. The fans chant for Punk as it’s all Gallows so far. Luke throws him BY THE BEARD across the ring. Punk gets the springboard clothesline to take over as we hit a facelock. Punk unleashes the kicks which work about as well as they did on Show Sunday. Gallows makes a comeback but charges into the corner. Punk dodges and the GTS ends this.

Taker would come to the ring or do something but he needs to find his computer to post on his LiveJournal about how much his life sucks and no one gets him while talking about slitting his wrists.

Striker and Grisham give what sounds like a legitimate thank you to MynetworkTV before talking about the move to Sci-Fi. Thankfully the new network isn’t censored like Spike did back when Raw was leaving it which came off as kind of cheap to me.

Vickie and Kaitlyn come out to introduce Dolph.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. MVP

Commentary kind of stops during the entrance of MVP. Long sleeves for MVP tonight which is very different. Nice move by MVP as he gets him in a Fireman’s Carry and just kind of throws him backwards. Dolph hits the floor and the girls look after him. Kaitlyn gets fed up with Vickie bitching at her and shoves her down before leaving, much like we do as we take a break. Vickie leaves too.

We come back to MVP missing a Drive By in the corner. Very PG name there. We slow things way down until Dolph misses a Stinger Splash. Play of the Day is blocked into a rollup by Dolph with tights for two. Drive By in the corner gets two but Ziggler gets a foot on the rope. Zig Zag is blocked and MVP sets for Ballin. Dolph rolls out and takes a walk for the count out.

Rosa is jumping rope despite giving up on being in Laycool but the Dudebusters take her jump rope. I’m assuming they were the same people that took the jerseys earlier. Vickie is looking for Kaitlyn and wanders into the production truck which the Dudebusters lock up and send away. I like these guys.

Taker is STILL sitting in that stairwell in full wrestling attire. Someone comes in and he says to get out of here. Taker looks up and is shocked to see whoever it is. He stands up and does the eye roll as we go to our last break.

Here’s Kane for the final segment of the show. He declares the ring to now be HIS yard which Taker has said like twice in 7 years. Kane says the obvious thing, that he’ll end Taker in Hell in a Cell which is complete with dramatic music behind it. Taker will never rest in peace but rather will burn forever in Hell.

Cue druid chants and a casket. I always wonder what if these druids go to catering in the back. Kind of a funny image for some reason. The lights come up and Kane cautiously opens the casket. Inside is PAUL FREAKING BEARER! I knew the ending beforehand and I still marked out. He gets a very good pop actually. The lights go out again and Taker is behind him. Older brother beats down Kane and the champion bails. Taker kneels to Bearer and the Urn to end the show.

Results
Kane b. Chris Masters – Tombstone
Drew McIntyre/Cody Rhodes b. Hart Dynasty – Futureshock to Kidd
Chavo Guerrero b. Kaval – Frog Splash
Big Show b. The Gatecrashers – Camel Clutch to Archer
MVP b. Dolph Ziggler via countout

Saturday

Jay Lethal got the X Title back so it was just a house show thing which likely won’t be mentioned. That’s a good idea as it makes the fans think maybe there is a point to taking in a house show. It worked for WWE for years.

Sunday

Tiffany has been cleared of all charges. That’s a good thing.

Quick Results

Raw
Drew McIntyre/Cody Rhodes b. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov – Futureshock to Kozlov
John Morrison b. Chris Jericho – Starship Pain
Daniel Bryan b. Edge via DQ when Miz and Alex Riley interfered
Layla b. Melina – Diamond Dust
Eve/R-Truth b. Maryse/Ted DiBiase – Spinning neckbreaker to Maryse
John Cena vs. Nexus went to a no contest – Nexus interference

NXT
AJ won a game of musical chairs
AJ b. Maxine – Brainbuster
AJ won the Talk the Talk Challenge
Kelly Kelly/Naomi/Jamie b. Laycool/Kaitlyn

Impact
Rob Terry b. Abyss via DQ when Abyss hit him with a guard rail
Chris Sabin b. Jeremy Buck – Rollup
Taylor Wilde/Hamada b. Velvet Skye/Lacey Von Erich – Bicycle Kick to Lacey
Samoa Joe b. D’Angelo Dinero – Koquina Clutch
AJ Styles b. Sabu – AJ grabbed the key

Smackdown
Kane b. Chris Masters – Tombstone
Drew McIntyre/Cody Rhodes b. Hart Dynasty – Futureshock to Kidd
Chavo Guerrero b. Kaval – Frog Splash
Big Show b. The Gatecrashers – Camel Clutch to Archer
MVP b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
 

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