SEWF II - Barbosa's Revenge/Holiday Spectacular

[The Crock]

[YOUTUBE]MK6TXMsvgQg[/YOUTUBE]

SEWF II​

Crock: Welcome back to SEWF, folks. This show is a very special one, it is our second show AND it is the holiday spectacular! Tonight, we have quite the show planned out. I don't exactly know who's going to be in what match... but trust me.

Crock: And again, we're sponsored by TNA:

Total Nonstop Action! Ahhh, never gets old....

Coming up next, a very special reading of 'Twas the night before Christmas by Barbosa.

 

[Dr. Stinger A. Zoidberg]

Yes!

 

[The Crock]

Promo #1
Barbosa

Barbosa struts to the ring, no entrance music as usual. He is either extremely constipated or angry.

Crock: Would you look at that, it's the failure.... Barbosa. Let's hope he doesn't job out to another announcer tonight, eh.

Barbosa grabs a mic and a chair. He puts the chair in the center of the ring, but does not sit on it.

Barbosa: I was TOLD that I had to read some damn story, but I'm too constipated... errr.... angry to read anything, so here's some video. Uhhh, I-I-I gotta go.

Barbosa takes off out of the ring, mic still in hand. He can clearly be heard saying "Where's the fucking bathroom?!"

Crock: Well, let's take a look at this video. Here it goes:

[YOUTUBE]e7ujilZDDsw[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Err... Well that was different. What the hell is that sound?

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH YEAHHH, OH THAT FEELS GOOD. *Farting* Sweet Jesus, shouldn't have had that chili. Fuck. Oh god.

Crock: Did Barbosa turn the mic off?

Random Camera Man: No, that's him.

Crock: I'm running out of material, I had to use the shit joke. The next match will be Bill Lesnar vs Jenks in a Prison Match at Madison Square Garden.

 

[Stormtrooper]

Damnit Crock, I'm going to be out all day today, then away for 4 days. I might not get to read this until next week. By then it'll likely end up on page 2 or 3, and I'll miss all the immediate reactions.

Alas though, I'm extremely looking forward to this, as the last one was extremely humorous. You have high expectations to reach, sir, and I think you can do it.

 

[The Crock]

Damnit Crock, I'm going to be out all day today, then away for 4 days. I might not get to read this until next week. By then it'll likely end up on page 2 or 3, and I'll miss all the immediate reactions.

Alas though, I'm extremely looking forward to this, as the last one was extremely humorous. You have high expectations to reach, sir, and I think you can do it.

I'll PM you the link once it's done, thanks for the pressure asshat

 

[Stormtrooper]

I'll PM you the link once it's done, thanks for the pressure asshat

I'm gonna be subscribing to the thread, so I'll have it.

Oh, and I only said that because I know you can do it.

 

[The Crock]

I'm gonna be subscribing to the thread, so I'll have it.

Oh, and I only said that because I know you can do it.

Thanks man. Shit, finding a Goldberg/Lesnar mashup theme is being a bitch. The closest I've gotten is Bobby Lashley/Lesnar.

 

[.]

Yay it's back!

 

[Dave]

Can't wait!

 

[Joe's Gonna Kill You]

Awesome

 

[The Crock]

Match #1
Bill Lesnar vs Jenks
"Believe The Hype" Prison Match

Crock: This match is not in the SEWF Idiot Zone, so I won't be doing much commentary. I'll had it over to Joey Styles in Madison Square Garden... Oh who am I kidding, we couldn't afford Styles, it's still gonna be me.

[YOUTUBE]E9JNRhk9qxI[/YOUTUBE][YOUTUBE]O89rglQo4kg[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: OH MY GOD! Here he comes, BILL LESNAR.

Lesnar copies Goldberg's entrance down to a "t". The crowd is chanting his name.

Crock: Lesnar has sold out MSG... AGAIN. Amazing!

[YOUTUBE]IJcqvj02XkM[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock:...Jenks really doesn't draw like Lesnar, but the people wanted this, so here it is. JENKS!

The bell rings, and right away 20 Jenks impersonators hit the ring.

Crock: ALTS!

Lesnar proceeds to Spear all 20 of the impersonators, but they keep rushing in.

Crock: Is Lesnar going to live up to the hype? Will he overcome the odds? It doesn't look good now.

All the Jenks alts are holding him in the corner while the real Jenks beats him with a Singapore Cane. Lesnar is covered in blood, it is nearing the end.

Crock: NO! FUCK!

Just as the Jenks alts begin to leave the ring so the real Jenks can get the pin WWTNA hits the ring, he's attempting to join in... I think.

Crock:...The fuck?

The crowd begins to chant "*** It" but Lesnar is still not recovering. Jenks seems annoyed with WWTNA, he orders him to leave, but he goes and attempts to beat on Lesnar as well. ALL OF A SUDDEN THE LIGHTS IN THE ARENA GO OUT.

Crock: What the fuck is going on?

The lights come back on and all the alts, including WWTNA, are strewn all over the ground in the arena, in the ring Lesnar is setting up for a huge Spear on an unsuspecting Jenks.

Crock: How did this happen?! BELIEVE THE HYPE!

Jenks turns and at that moment he is met with a huge Spear from Lesnar. But Lesnar is not done, Lesnar gets him up for an F5 and hits it too.

Crock: YES! He's done it!

Lesnar puts his foot on Jenks' chest and the ref counts to three, it is all over.

Crock: Believe the hype, ladies and gentleman. Believe it.

Just as Lesnar stands up the words "Samurai 7" flash across the tron and the Se7en assembles in the ring. They raise Lesnar onto their shoulders.

Crock: It was Se7en! They helped Lesnar get the win! After the break, Macca will speak on behalf of Se7en. Don't miss it!

 

[The Crock]

Promo #2
Samurai 7

Crock: Welcome back folks, the fans here in the Idiot Zone are just as stunned as the fans in MSG. Macca, why did you do it?

Macca: Se7en plans on taking over SEWF. Corporate Coco has already drawn out a plan, we will take over.

Crock: But, Macca, you're in New York... how do you plan on getting here on time.

Macca: Se7en will be there, Crock. Believe the hype. We will not reveal our grand plan just yet. Lesnar wants to speak...

Lesnar: Bill Lesnar just kicked Jenks' ass.

The crowd is in a frenzy.

Lesnar: Bill Lesnar plans on being in the Idiot Zone for tonight's main event. Bill Lesnar will be facing his comrade Blue Cardinal as well as NorCal for the SEWF World Heavyweight Title. Bill Lesnar already has connections, Bill Lesnar will be there.

Crock: I, I, I get it... you'll be here, but, how?

Lesnar: We will strap ourselves to Stinger's wife if we must, Bill Lesnar will find a way. Believe the hype.

 

[Joe's Gonna Kill You]

BELIEVE THE HYPE!!!

 

[The Crock]

The major storyline has been set, time to get to the funny shit.

 

[The Crock]

Match #2
Stormtrooper vs Numbers
Ultimate Numbers Match

Crock: Here we go ladies and gents. The Ultimate Numbers match, something so fearsome you won't know what to do. There is a calculator hanging above the ring, somehow, you must get the calculator. This is not a regular ladder match though, no, the title is suspended on cables above, like an Ultimate X match. Also, there is to be no wrestling, only Sudoku puzzles.

[YOUTUBE]4y9D8_bLe2o[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes Stormtrooper, owner of what may be the most annoying posting style known to man.

Stormtrooper hauls ass to the ring, obviously infuriated by the fact that his Jets have a coach who films Foot Fetish movies on the side. No, I'm not kidding.

[YOUTUBE]dk9Yt1PqQiw[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here we go, one of WZCWs finest, a great poster who's probably dumbfounded as to why he's included in this match... NUMBERS!

Numbers calmly walks to the ring, ready to take on all comers.

The ref hands a sudoku puzzle to each man, as well as a pencil. The first man to solve it wins.

Crock: HERE WE GO!

They begin to write feverishly.

Crock: What a great placement of that number 7, Numbers. Excellent.

They keep on writing, Stormtrooper seems a little lost. The crowd is chanting "Dirty Sanchez" at him. He is angry. Stormtrooper peeks at Numbers' paper, the referee sees it and warns him, one more time and he'll be DQed. Stormtrooper begins to count on his fingers, he is clearly still confused. Numbers, on the other hand, is down to the last row, he's about to win... Stormtrooper sees that and attacks!

Crock: What the hell?

Stormtrooper is stomping on Numbers, yelling at him.

Stormtrooper: 1. I AM SUPPOSED TO WIN!
2. I don't understand how Sudoku works.

Crock: VINTAGE STORMTROOPER!!

Angel hits the ring and smacks Stormtrooper over the back with a chair. He takes out a Mark Sanchez jersey and a lighter, he's about to burn it, but Stinger sees this and attacks Angel.

Stinger: I am not a pedophile dammit! That was one time in Mexico! She said she was 18, I didn't know!
Obligatory Random White Text!

Crock: This is just one big clusterfuck...

[YOUTUBE]BJIcYmB0cZ4[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here come the WZCW Guys to defend Numbers!

Killjoy, Ty Burna, Thriller, Phoenix, and FalKon all hit the ring and clear house, they pick numbers up onto his feet.

Crock: That's what we like to see folks!

[YOUTUBE]6-BVR557V_0[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: It's Lee, err... Titus!

Lee: You guys were supposed to let me make my return, dammit. You kicked me out of the fed, I was supposed to return. Now, I'm a lowly Video Games mod, shit, I have less power than Doc. He's a virgin! I challenge you to a match, Ty and Phoenix. Me and a mystery partner vs you two tonight. Let's see if you can win a match when you're not writing it!

 

[a0161613]

This is hilarious.

 

[.]

Epic.

 

[The Crock]

Match #3
Ferbian vs Armbar
Tribal Tatoo Mixed Martial Arts Rudolph Pornography Match

Crock: Not even funny yet, this has been an epic fail. Well, here comes Ferboner!

[YOUTUBE]29-VNOlN-UA[/YOUTUBE]​

Ferbian struts to the ring, supremely confident. Ready to infract any random poster that gets in his way.

[YOUTUBE]9L4Zx-zYd8c[/YOUTUBE]​

Here comes Armbar, he's still mad about losing to Dave last time... via armbar.

Crock: Now, while they get settled in the ring let me explain the rules, you either have to tattoo your opponent, post some porn rep, or.... sing Rudolph the red nosed reindeer while they are down on the mat. I guess you could pin them too...

Crock: Let's get some good action, guys, let's do this!

The match starts, both guys are feeling each other out. Armbar runs towar Ferbs and decks him with a right hand, Ferbs falls to his back and Armbar rushes in... Ferbs tries to get him in an armbar, but he learned his lesson the first time. Armbar crushes Ferbs with a hammerfist, and rushes out of the ring to get the laptop to try to win the match via porn rep.

Crock: Ferbs is struggling. Armbar is on Google, he's looking up gay porn... oh my god! He's logging into WZ, is he gonna do it?!

Right before he finds the last Ferbian post Ferbs hits him over the back of the head with a Danish Butter Cookie. Armbar is out. Ferbian rushes to the tattoo gun, he's trying to get a tribal tattoo done on Armbar's arm to win the match, Armbar jerks his arm away leaving something like a penis on his arm.

Crock: According to the referee it does not qualify as a tribal tattoo, the match will continue.

They're back in the ring, Ferbian is trash talking Armbar for the entire crowd to here.

Ferbian: Hey, I won ROTY, not you! I'm better than you, bitch.

Crock: What the fuck man, why are you bringing up that shit?!

Crock drops his headset and gets into the ring, he hits Ferbian with a neckbreaker. Armbar and Crock begin to beat the shit out of Ferbian. Armbar begins to head to the laptop, but Crock cuts him off. Crock says he'll rep him with porn to get Armbar the win, all Armbar has to do is hold Ferbs back. Crock gets to Ferbian's last post, he clicks "Rep". He's using his patented "Dirty Sanchez" red rep to get Armbar the win. He reps him, the match is over Armbar wins. Crock grabs a mic.

Crock: We've done it, Armbar! Fuck you Ferbian! We're the true Rookies of the Year, fuck you!

As Armbar and Crock celebrate in the ring, Crock suddenly disappears.

Armbar: What the fuck? Where'd he go.

A message pops up on the tron:

The Crock​

Armbar: OHHH SHIT. Quick someone get to Twitter!

 

[Ferbian]

That theme can't possibly be legit.

 

[The Crock]

More to come later, I'm gonna go post a bit of non spam.

 

[Next Jericho]

Well done Crock. Those matches were very good to read, epically Jenks Vs Bill Lenser

 

[Dave]

Amazing so far, Crocky boy.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Is it wrong to believe the hype even though I'm in the rival faction?

 

[I Suck Ass]

This is amazing. I just hope I am in a match where my parents DON'T take me out.

 

[Theo Mays]

Crock is a creative genius. Can't wait to see the rest.