Thriller Ant
Beep Bop Boop
Thanks a lot for the feedback. I'm not the kind of person who likes writing long posts, so I'll try to work on that. I'm actually working on many possibilities with this character, and I hope my RPs grow with Phoenix.
RP Feedback Thread
- Thread starter sincade20
- Start date
Ok, second batch of feedback, for the singles match and for the 3-on-3 match. I'd like to explain my rating system very briefly. Many things are factored in, including how you involve your opponent, how you involve the match, how you develop existing storylines and/or character details, the formatting involved, the use of language and descriptions of enviroments, etc. But a huge thing is your current RP experience. You may find that I rate some RP's quite highly but my comments suggest they aren't that high - This is because I feel there are faults, but the RP'er themselves did very well for what they can produce, hence a good rating. That being said, Lets get it on!
Drake - Brilliantly written once again, I like the linkage between the two RP's and again the formatting made it easy to read and understand. The RP itself did a wonderful job of focusing on the match whilst seemingly being unfocused. A great job and a great talent for writing, and a sutible match for your BR match.
Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Kyle Christiansen - I liked the focus on his drunked state and a VERY smooth move with the details of people being worried about being injured with the drunk, very very good work. I'd say this is probably one of your most focused and well thought out RP's to date, so good work there. I think you'll lose out here only due to length, had you of expanded more and detailed us a bit, perhaps another paragraph or two, you could of had this one. However, it's very close so I wouldn't be suprised for it to go either way. Good Job.
Rating: 3.8 / 5.0
Ricky: I can see you was rushed with this, and obviously you've been a busy man, because this was only an awesome RP, rather than an awesomely brilliant RP. The language use was great, the scene setting was exciting and the the character development was there. It was missing some trademark Ricky-wit, but besides that it was great. Not the best you've ever done but certainly better than 90% of use could of done with the short time contraints you had. Great work.
Rating: 4.1 / 5.0
Red Mask: I like the realism involved. Too many times people think Badass = t3h pwnerest. Does my head in. Triple H is a bad ass, and even he would run the fook away from the Big Show in times passed, but today on efeds too many people fear no man. I like, really like, that you show a realistic human side that people in theory would connect with, and would truely see the danger Red Mask and his team was in. It was set out well, and written beautifully, the character development was there, I'd say this was your best work to date. Great Work.
Rating: 4.4 / 5.0
Everest: Wonderfully written, as always you prove why you are among the top-teir RP'ers in this efed. Well set out, great language, good formatting and great character development. RP-wise it was very good working on everyone, but whilst I liked the comments on Magnus, the concept that if he loses Manzo he loses his Empire is somewhat off, Magnus is a multi-billionaire anyway wrestling-empire or not. He just wants all the pie. However, the concept and comments themselves, when relating directly to the effects in WZCW, is spot on and minus the losing his empire comments, was so good it had me smiling at you evaluation of the whole thing. Bloody great job, almost perfect if not for the giant sacks of cash Magnus sleeps on.
Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
TEAM RATING 13.0 / 15.0
DP: I LOVED the alternating text, comes across as very broken and erractic. I almost imagine the voice with a low growl, speaking in multiple tones like an angry god. F*cking loved it. Loved the evolution of your character, the anger and pure undisguised hatred he seems to have, and the focus to destruction he weilds. Brilliant work, really faultless and a great way to see you back on form.
Rating: 4.4 / 5.0
Vengeance: Again, great work from you. I don't think it's your best, but I like the next use of pictures to express images, nice touch. Good evaulation of the situation and good breakdown of the opponents and your goals compared to theirs, it truely shows how different your approach is to everyone elses. I think a bit longer and some more passion and this had the potential to be a shining acheivement, but that being said it was bloody great anyway.
Rating: 4.2 / 5.0
Manzo: No comment.
Rating: n.a / 5.0
TEAM RATING 8.6 + ??? / 15.0
So, I'd need to be at least a 4.4 on my own scale to make this match interesting, but did I do it? I want your opinions, and your feedback people. I think the time has come for people to step up and help expand their own abilities, and the abilities of others. So, who will win the Battle Royal? Will Team Ricky beat Team DP? Will Batman escape the Jokers latest trap? Find out here, same bat-time, same bat-channel!
=I=
WZCW Inquisitor
Drake Callahan v Kyle Christiansen
Drake - Brilliantly written once again, I like the linkage between the two RP's and again the formatting made it easy to read and understand. The RP itself did a wonderful job of focusing on the match whilst seemingly being unfocused. A great job and a great talent for writing, and a sutible match for your BR match.
Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Kyle Christiansen - I liked the focus on his drunked state and a VERY smooth move with the details of people being worried about being injured with the drunk, very very good work. I'd say this is probably one of your most focused and well thought out RP's to date, so good work there. I think you'll lose out here only due to length, had you of expanded more and detailed us a bit, perhaps another paragraph or two, you could of had this one. However, it's very close so I wouldn't be suprised for it to go either way. Good Job.
Rating: 3.8 / 5.0
Ricky, Red Mask & Everest v DP, Vengeance & Manzo
Ricky: I can see you was rushed with this, and obviously you've been a busy man, because this was only an awesome RP, rather than an awesomely brilliant RP. The language use was great, the scene setting was exciting and the the character development was there. It was missing some trademark Ricky-wit, but besides that it was great. Not the best you've ever done but certainly better than 90% of use could of done with the short time contraints you had. Great work.
Rating: 4.1 / 5.0
Red Mask: I like the realism involved. Too many times people think Badass = t3h pwnerest. Does my head in. Triple H is a bad ass, and even he would run the fook away from the Big Show in times passed, but today on efeds too many people fear no man. I like, really like, that you show a realistic human side that people in theory would connect with, and would truely see the danger Red Mask and his team was in. It was set out well, and written beautifully, the character development was there, I'd say this was your best work to date. Great Work.
Rating: 4.4 / 5.0
Everest: Wonderfully written, as always you prove why you are among the top-teir RP'ers in this efed. Well set out, great language, good formatting and great character development. RP-wise it was very good working on everyone, but whilst I liked the comments on Magnus, the concept that if he loses Manzo he loses his Empire is somewhat off, Magnus is a multi-billionaire anyway wrestling-empire or not. He just wants all the pie. However, the concept and comments themselves, when relating directly to the effects in WZCW, is spot on and minus the losing his empire comments, was so good it had me smiling at you evaluation of the whole thing. Bloody great job, almost perfect if not for the giant sacks of cash Magnus sleeps on.
Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
TEAM RATING 13.0 / 15.0
DP: I LOVED the alternating text, comes across as very broken and erractic. I almost imagine the voice with a low growl, speaking in multiple tones like an angry god. F*cking loved it. Loved the evolution of your character, the anger and pure undisguised hatred he seems to have, and the focus to destruction he weilds. Brilliant work, really faultless and a great way to see you back on form.
Rating: 4.4 / 5.0
Vengeance: Again, great work from you. I don't think it's your best, but I like the next use of pictures to express images, nice touch. Good evaulation of the situation and good breakdown of the opponents and your goals compared to theirs, it truely shows how different your approach is to everyone elses. I think a bit longer and some more passion and this had the potential to be a shining acheivement, but that being said it was bloody great anyway.
Rating: 4.2 / 5.0
Manzo: No comment.
Rating: n.a / 5.0
TEAM RATING 8.6 + ??? / 15.0
So, I'd need to be at least a 4.4 on my own scale to make this match interesting, but did I do it? I want your opinions, and your feedback people. I think the time has come for people to step up and help expand their own abilities, and the abilities of others. So, who will win the Battle Royal? Will Team Ricky beat Team DP? Will Batman escape the Jokers latest trap? Find out here, same bat-time, same bat-channel!
=I=
WZCW Inquisitor
Father:_Polley
Fun's my Chinese neighbour's name
Drake vs Kyle - The drunken humour of Drake is unparalleled and easily the most entertaining RP I've read humour-wise. I'd be interested in checking you into rehab just to see the humour involved in that. Kyle is rapidly improving and fast becoming a solid guy.
PWC's verdict - Drake's two RPs were very entertaining and I think he pips it
Six man tag match:
Manzo: Dude, you suck! No, it was an interesting piece that actually showed a side of Manzo which drew me in and made me curious as to where you're going with it
Disasterpiece: Nice to have you back and contributing your usual unusual style of RP. It was dark and different and very good.
Vengeance: I admit, I got bored of the interviews. This flowed better in my head than my other RP of the week and I liked how it felt. That's all I'm gonna say.
Ricky: I laughed a lot. Not your best but your best's pretty damn good so nothing to be ashamed off. Funny, and nice of you to include me personally by renaming your pet parrot after me.
Red Mask: It was real, it was light-hearted and it had continuity between the RPs, something I sadly couldn't figure out how to do.
Everest: Same as always... well written and awesome. You relate well to everyone else in the match, despite being mistaken about me being taken down. And who said I hit you?
(note, I just left that vague for fun in the match so you could use it and glad you did)
PWC's verdict... Well I'm biased, but Vengeance DP and Manzo are a formidible team
ELITE X BATTLE ROYALE
A good showing for the new guys. You turned up and you all put in great efforts. My advice to you guys is to pick a direction you want to take your character and run hard with it. More importantly, have fun and stick with it. It's not a matter of being part of 700 e-feds to be good, because it's not.
My favourites were Will, Drake, Red Mask and Carmen. I truely think the Carmen character is headed for greater things. The subtle humour with the seriousness of the character is awesome. Iscy pointed out the moment I liked most with Will in the thief. You're a genius at acting like Edge. Drake... I actually imagine Harthan like this which is kinda scary.
As for Red Mask... what sort of superhero ends the last show unconscious. Really?!?
Final notable inclusion - Monkey, you're RP was crap. Nah, it was witty and looked towards feuding against Stokes and his new buddy that I created for him.
PWC's verdict - Drake's two RPs were very entertaining and I think he pips it
Six man tag match:
Manzo: Dude, you suck! No, it was an interesting piece that actually showed a side of Manzo which drew me in and made me curious as to where you're going with it
Disasterpiece: Nice to have you back and contributing your usual unusual style of RP. It was dark and different and very good.
Vengeance: I admit, I got bored of the interviews. This flowed better in my head than my other RP of the week and I liked how it felt. That's all I'm gonna say.
Ricky: I laughed a lot. Not your best but your best's pretty damn good so nothing to be ashamed off. Funny, and nice of you to include me personally by renaming your pet parrot after me.
Red Mask: It was real, it was light-hearted and it had continuity between the RPs, something I sadly couldn't figure out how to do.
Everest: Same as always... well written and awesome. You relate well to everyone else in the match, despite being mistaken about me being taken down. And who said I hit you?
(note, I just left that vague for fun in the match so you could use it and glad you did)PWC's verdict... Well I'm biased, but Vengeance DP and Manzo are a formidible team
ELITE X BATTLE ROYALE
A good showing for the new guys. You turned up and you all put in great efforts. My advice to you guys is to pick a direction you want to take your character and run hard with it. More importantly, have fun and stick with it. It's not a matter of being part of 700 e-feds to be good, because it's not.
My favourites were Will, Drake, Red Mask and Carmen. I truely think the Carmen character is headed for greater things. The subtle humour with the seriousness of the character is awesome. Iscy pointed out the moment I liked most with Will in the thief. You're a genius at acting like Edge. Drake... I actually imagine Harthan like this which is kinda scary.
As for Red Mask... what sort of superhero ends the last show unconscious. Really?!?
Final notable inclusion - Monkey, you're RP was crap. Nah, it was witty and looked towards feuding against Stokes and his new buddy that I created for him.
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
First and foremost, I apologize to everyone as I didn't get around to doing feedback on the last show. Everyone had amazing Rps, and I'm extremely thankful that most all of you on our roster got around to doing one, especially for the Open Invite Battle Royal. Thank You ALL!
Now then..
Downward Spiral: I wanted to especially make sure you got a solo post from me, all because of how much of a great RP'er you are. We've greatly and definately missed this type of RP and your work in this e-fed. I'm thankful, and grateful that you're back, limited or otherwise.
Your RP was incredible. There were no flaws in it from my view-point. You took everything that would've seemingly happened since the last time you were here, and bottled it up nicely in a little something I'd attempt selling on the open market. "Greatness" a new fragrance by Downward Spiral.
Your character hasn't missed a beat, and if anything that single RP has added such a new dynamic level to you, that it's just seemingly untoppable. (yeah, it's a new word)
You managed to mix in elements of psychoticness, along with brilliance. I can't wait to see what this feud will do, and how far it can go. Thank you, for returning, and for the outstanding new challenge you're giving me. Because personally, I think it's my single toughest to date.
Now then..
Downward Spiral: I wanted to especially make sure you got a solo post from me, all because of how much of a great RP'er you are. We've greatly and definately missed this type of RP and your work in this e-fed. I'm thankful, and grateful that you're back, limited or otherwise.
Your RP was incredible. There were no flaws in it from my view-point. You took everything that would've seemingly happened since the last time you were here, and bottled it up nicely in a little something I'd attempt selling on the open market. "Greatness" a new fragrance by Downward Spiral.
Your character hasn't missed a beat, and if anything that single RP has added such a new dynamic level to you, that it's just seemingly untoppable. (yeah, it's a new word)
You managed to mix in elements of psychoticness, along with brilliance. I can't wait to see what this feud will do, and how far it can go. Thank you, for returning, and for the outstanding new challenge you're giving me. Because personally, I think it's my single toughest to date.
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
Bozzaholic: I hope it's not just me, but I can't get enough of your character. While I can't say it's overly hard to merely forget a couple words and make the sentences sound like they're not proper.. it still works wonders, and more importantly catches my imagination and attention.
This will most definately be your toughest challenge to date. But your RP had a new element to your character that gives you a great advantage early on. I'll await for the other three, but rest assured your opening RP for this match will be hard to top.
Again, I love this character and you play it to a Tee. Win or lose, I can't wait to see more of you and Carmen.
This will most definately be your toughest challenge to date. But your RP had a new element to your character that gives you a great advantage early on. I'll await for the other three, but rest assured your opening RP for this match will be hard to top.
Again, I love this character and you play it to a Tee. Win or lose, I can't wait to see more of you and Carmen.
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
I'm willing to give feedback to those who ask me for it. (through PM) Some don't have to ask, as I know they'd like to hear it. So here it is..
Isy/Manzo: Your RP was definately Championship material.. .. for Bratchny. I loved your RP, the format, the whole 9 yds. The only problem I had is, it seemed to focus entirely way too much on the apparent new alliance between Swindle/Bratchny & Magnus/Manzo, than it did the actual Heavyweight title match Manzo has up-coming.
Plus, Manzo has seemingly all but disappeared from your RPs.. why? Before too long, I'm gonna start having creative think about putting Magnus in wrestling matches.
Nah, seriously though.. I understand that Magnus is the mouth piece, but Manzo can at least make appearances, right? Overall.. between you & Everest, it was way too hard to consider a winner for me. And that's the honest truth.
Harthan/Callahan: You know, I don't seriously know what it is, but there is just something about your RP and your character being a drunk that has me addicted to wanting more and more. Maybe I'm just missing the Sandman.
Your RP started off amazing, and had every bit the potential to possibly bring you home the Elite X (why'd you keep adding a C?) title.. however, you went from an amazing drunk.. to suddenly sober when you started talking about your opponents. That threw me out of the reality of the whole interview. Overall though, DO NOT quit drinking. (through RPs, anyways)
Polley/Vengeance: You asked me to not do feedback if I couldn't seperate. Out of my respect for you, I'll only give you my feedback, if you ask personally.
Anyone Else: Simply ask (through PM) and I'll feedback either here, or in PM reply. (make sure you tell me what you want, if you do PM me though)
Isy/Manzo: Your RP was definately Championship material.. .. for Bratchny. I loved your RP, the format, the whole 9 yds. The only problem I had is, it seemed to focus entirely way too much on the apparent new alliance between Swindle/Bratchny & Magnus/Manzo, than it did the actual Heavyweight title match Manzo has up-coming.
Plus, Manzo has seemingly all but disappeared from your RPs.. why? Before too long, I'm gonna start having creative think about putting Magnus in wrestling matches.
Nah, seriously though.. I understand that Magnus is the mouth piece, but Manzo can at least make appearances, right? Overall.. between you & Everest, it was way too hard to consider a winner for me. And that's the honest truth.
Harthan/Callahan: You know, I don't seriously know what it is, but there is just something about your RP and your character being a drunk that has me addicted to wanting more and more. Maybe I'm just missing the Sandman.
Your RP started off amazing, and had every bit the potential to possibly bring you home the Elite X (why'd you keep adding a C?) title.. however, you went from an amazing drunk.. to suddenly sober when you started talking about your opponents. That threw me out of the reality of the whole interview. Overall though, DO NOT quit drinking. (through RPs, anyways)
Polley/Vengeance: You asked me to not do feedback if I couldn't seperate. Out of my respect for you, I'll only give you my feedback, if you ask personally.
Anyone Else: Simply ask (through PM) and I'll feedback either here, or in PM reply. (make sure you tell me what you want, if you do PM me though)
Thanks for the feedback Will, I know what you mean about Manzo disappearing somewhat, it is intentional in making the difference in Magnus and Manzo very apparent and hopefully demonstrate more that Manzo really isn't overly happy with his lot in life right now, and there is good left in the giant, but Magnus doesn't and won't see that. I'm glad it built Bratchney up, that was the intent as weird as that sounds considering this is my first World Title match. As you know, I'm all about promoting talent when I see it - you should know that better than anyone Will
I wish Everest the best of luck in our match, and feel that he may of edged me out in this RP, but again without sounded big headed it's too close to call and I can easily point out the virtues of mine that send me to the gold. So, may the best man win.
=I=
WZCW Inquisitor
I wish Everest the best of luck in our match, and feel that he may of edged me out in this RP, but again without sounded big headed it's too close to call and I can easily point out the virtues of mine that send me to the gold. So, may the best man win.
=I=
WZCW Inquisitor
Ok, PPV feedback here. I'll do everyone, even though most of you won't say a damn word in return, or will do exactly that - Say a single line about "it was good." Bastards, all of you. Nah, love you guys really, you're just full of suck.
Spiral: Brilliant, brilliant work. I livd and felt every moment you described and it as easily the greatest return roleplay I've ever read, ever. Seriously, the dynamic, the purpose, the scene setting and the language was all perfect. The structure was brilliant and I can't actually pick a fault. Length was perfect too. God, sucks to be you as you can't get anything good from my feedback to grow on - you're already there.
Rating: 4.8 / 5.0
Will: Man, you were CHALLENEGED this week and you know it. Spirial stepped up to you and demanded your A-Game and, thankfully for the RP universe, you delievered. In a performance almost as flawless as Spirials, you wrote out an epically delivered face promo that to be fair is the best we've ever seen you. I think it was outstanding way to get across the change in attitude and I think you could be THE face of WZCW. Perfect delivery and use of words, a RP worthy of your opponent in every way.
Rating: 4.8 / 5.0
Daniel: So, the referee pins both challengers and becomes the winner then? Match aside (which btw I have issues with it even being on the card as, sorry in advance, NorCal has't earnt it, his RP's aren't up to PPV quality but hey), I think your RP was very well delivered and focused on the referee'ing aspect very well. You covered your bases and the structure was very good, as well as letting the current potential fued follow through into your work. Good job, shame to not see you in a match where you can use those skills.
Rating: 3.8 / 5.0
Milenko: Wasn't your best work, but was very good. I'm liking the whole "one man dynasty" bit you're pulling, it's a very good angle to come from. I think you used your skills well and delivered a solid RP outing, but I feel had GM not been leaving us (See below), he would of won here and captured the title. Layout was all fine and the structure sat well with me, but you are capable of more.
Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
GM: Well, where to start. I'll do the positives first - This could possibly have been your best WZCW roleplay to date. It had emotion and feeling, a drive and purpose and sturcture-wise had a definitive place to be heading. Had you wanted to stay and taken this another way, you would of had gold in the bag here. Negatives are you essentially wrote a RP slagging off creative in every possible way for the misuse of your character and told them how you're better than everything here and don't need them. That's 100% how it comes across. Now, we've talked and you're a sound guy, so don't take this as an attack on you mate, it's a review of your RP ok? But you was essentially a complete bastard in this RP to everyone who wanted to push you or who wanted to try and make things work for you. That'd be me btw. So you get duel ratings.
Rating for RP itself, structure-wise and actual skill: 4.5 / 5.0
Rating for content and delivery of said content: 0.0 / 5.0
Ricky: God I missed you. And El Guerrero. The RP was great, a special look into the world of Ricky, and I love the whole thing. Again, I don't think you could of improved upon this in anyway, as you're personally at the point where if you was more coherant and focused, it'd hurt your character more than help him. Brilliant work my man, brilliant. A real shame your opponent no-showed, you deserved better.
Rating: 4.4 / 5.0
Callahan: Everything Will said was spot on. Brilliant characterisation and I thoroughly enjoy reading your work. Winebeer is the future I swear. I think the split second focus on his opponents before losing it again is brilliant, and I love how you show the interviewers in the correct light. My favourite nod was towards Becky smiling at Red Mask being a good guy - That shows real skill there to pick that out and make it a focus of essentially a NPC character. Great job.
Rating: 4.3 / 5.0
Vengeance: Dude, you suck yeah, not nice is it bitch lol. But seriously, good work and nice development of the character and his motivations into why he is the way he is. I like how you link people to the events of the past that have wronged you and your family, and I like the justification of it he feels he has, it shows great rage and anger in him and I'm interested to see if you can develop this further.
Rating: 4.3 / 5.0
Red Mask: I liked last week better. This was good, very good don't get me wrong, but you have done better. I liked the side shown and I liked where you wanted to go, but it felt forced and not natural to the character, and not forced in a good way, more the way that your character felt clumsy in his new role. Great work by anyone elses standards mind you, just I believe you could be alot better.
Rating: 3.9 / 5.0
Bratchney: Man, you rock my world. Seriously, I wait for your RP's so I can read them for pleasure, not just because you're in a match. there's a reason I like this guy people, he's awesome. I agree with what Will said in that you portray him and his handler very very well, and again your structure and development was brilliant. Loved all of it, from start to finish. Personally bias on this one obviously, but even if I wasn't, he's my winner.
Rating: 4.4 / 5.0
I'm going to leave the main event until others have had their say, as to not influence how people read them both and how they see the characters. But please, give feedback on both myself and Everest, we want this more than anything lol, as this will essentially put one of us as THE hulkamania of WZCW.
Grudge Match: Downward Spiral v. 'The One' Big Will
Spiral: Brilliant, brilliant work. I livd and felt every moment you described and it as easily the greatest return roleplay I've ever read, ever. Seriously, the dynamic, the purpose, the scene setting and the language was all perfect. The structure was brilliant and I can't actually pick a fault. Length was perfect too. God, sucks to be you as you can't get anything good from my feedback to grow on - you're already there.
Rating: 4.8 / 5.0
Will: Man, you were CHALLENEGED this week and you know it. Spirial stepped up to you and demanded your A-Game and, thankfully for the RP universe, you delievered. In a performance almost as flawless as Spirials, you wrote out an epically delivered face promo that to be fair is the best we've ever seen you. I think it was outstanding way to get across the change in attitude and I think you could be THE face of WZCW. Perfect delivery and use of words, a RP worthy of your opponent in every way.
Rating: 4.8 / 5.0
I QUIT MATCH: Anthony Michaels v. Mighty Norcal
Daniel: So, the referee pins both challengers and becomes the winner then? Match aside (which btw I have issues with it even being on the card as, sorry in advance, NorCal has't earnt it, his RP's aren't up to PPV quality but hey), I think your RP was very well delivered and focused on the referee'ing aspect very well. You covered your bases and the structure was very good, as well as letting the current potential fued follow through into your work. Good job, shame to not see you in a match where you can use those skills.
Rating: 3.8 / 5.0
Mayhem Championship: Milenko (c) v. Grand Mystique
Milenko: Wasn't your best work, but was very good. I'm liking the whole "one man dynasty" bit you're pulling, it's a very good angle to come from. I think you used your skills well and delivered a solid RP outing, but I feel had GM not been leaving us (See below), he would of won here and captured the title. Layout was all fine and the structure sat well with me, but you are capable of more.
Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
GM: Well, where to start. I'll do the positives first - This could possibly have been your best WZCW roleplay to date. It had emotion and feeling, a drive and purpose and sturcture-wise had a definitive place to be heading. Had you wanted to stay and taken this another way, you would of had gold in the bag here. Negatives are you essentially wrote a RP slagging off creative in every possible way for the misuse of your character and told them how you're better than everything here and don't need them. That's 100% how it comes across. Now, we've talked and you're a sound guy, so don't take this as an attack on you mate, it's a review of your RP ok? But you was essentially a complete bastard in this RP to everyone who wanted to push you or who wanted to try and make things work for you. That'd be me btw. So you get duel ratings.
Rating for RP itself, structure-wise and actual skill: 4.5 / 5.0
Rating for content and delivery of said content: 0.0 / 5.0
Steamboat Ricky v. Disasterpiece
Ricky: God I missed you. And El Guerrero. The RP was great, a special look into the world of Ricky, and I love the whole thing. Again, I don't think you could of improved upon this in anyway, as you're personally at the point where if you was more coherant and focused, it'd hurt your character more than help him. Brilliant work my man, brilliant. A real shame your opponent no-showed, you deserved better.
Rating: 4.4 / 5.0
Elite X Championship: Drake Callahan v. Vengeance v. Red Mask v. Carmen Bratchny
Callahan: Everything Will said was spot on. Brilliant characterisation and I thoroughly enjoy reading your work. Winebeer is the future I swear. I think the split second focus on his opponents before losing it again is brilliant, and I love how you show the interviewers in the correct light. My favourite nod was towards Becky smiling at Red Mask being a good guy - That shows real skill there to pick that out and make it a focus of essentially a NPC character. Great job.
Rating: 4.3 / 5.0
Vengeance: Dude, you suck
yeah, not nice is it bitch lol. But seriously, good work and nice development of the character and his motivations into why he is the way he is. I like how you link people to the events of the past that have wronged you and your family, and I like the justification of it he feels he has, it shows great rage and anger in him and I'm interested to see if you can develop this further.Rating: 4.3 / 5.0
Red Mask: I liked last week better. This was good, very good don't get me wrong, but you have done better. I liked the side shown and I liked where you wanted to go, but it felt forced and not natural to the character, and not forced in a good way, more the way that your character felt clumsy in his new role. Great work by anyone elses standards mind you, just I believe you could be alot better.
Rating: 3.9 / 5.0
Bratchney: Man, you rock my world. Seriously, I wait for your RP's so I can read them for pleasure, not just because you're in a match. there's a reason I like this guy people, he's awesome. I agree with what Will said in that you portray him and his handler very very well, and again your structure and development was brilliant. Loved all of it, from start to finish. Personally bias on this one obviously, but even if I wasn't, he's my winner.
Rating: 4.4 / 5.0
I'm going to leave the main event until others have had their say, as to not influence how people read them both and how they see the characters. But please, give feedback on both myself and Everest, we want this more than anything lol, as this will essentially put one of us as THE hulkamania of WZCW.
Iscariot, I have to say I really enjoyed your RP and I too believe we may have the most hotly contested even match I've seen in my time here.
Good luck to you as well! I still have confidence Everest will emerge the winner though
As for all others I'm still in the process of reading everything that's been put up but I know that they will be great. Good luck to all.
Good luck to you as well! I still have confidence Everest will emerge the winner though
As for all others I'm still in the process of reading everything that's been put up but I know that they will be great. Good luck to all.
TheOneBigWill
[This Space for Rent]
a0161613: So you asked for feedback, and here it is. First and foremost, in a bar room thread you actually eluded to the opinion that you felt you wouldn't even get it. Well, rest assured I've never backed down from telling it like it is, to anyone else, and I'm not about to start with you.
Alex, your RP was very good. Which is also very sad. It's sad because you're leaving, but even sadder that one of your best Rps has come off a basic immaturity it seems in flaming and disrespecting W.Z.C.W. all because you apparently felt like you never got your way.
But the truth is, Alex, the e-fed isn't and never has been all about you. Or me. Or Ricky. Or Derf. Or Everest. Or anyone else. It's a hobby. A game. Something to just do, because it's meant to be fun. Winning and losing has no point in realism, because you don't win or lose anything that's real. So if you weren't having fun, and all you cared about was winning a Championship that's imaginary, you should've said something.
I'm not complaining, and in a lot of ways I understand greatly what you did. Hell, I knew all along you had talent. Afterall, I was one of the first guys to come to you regarding a bigger role within the e-fed. But I was also one of the hardest on you, by exclaiming that you were extremely anal with detail, so much so that you'd lose grip on the readers.
This RP kept me gripped, but only because of the inner story within it. Drama begets more drama.
So you tell the e-world on WZ that this is your last RP. Then you add in guys like Bowen and D.C., who aren't any hidden faces to drama and the e-fed. You top that off by saying every other place (ie. e-fed) you've been in, they've known you had the talent to be a star. And you add the icing to the cake in saying the only reason you were ever held down in W.Z.C.W. was because of us on Staff.
But you failed to take any real responsibility for anything, didn't you? When the fact is, plain and simple.. you weren't held down because of the staff, you were held down because up until recently, you never did master RPing to the point of keeping readers entertained. At least not in W.Z.C.W.
Now once again, I'm not saying a single word of this to hurt your feelings, or beget more drama between you and WZ. I'm truly and honestly sorry it's apparently come to this, and this ending. Alex, I honestly wish you would've came to me, instead of merely held it all in. But the truth of the matter is.. you aren't happy now, so you said all you did, and you got the minor attention you truly wanted. I guess it's a win, win for everyone, right?
So that's my feedback for your RP. It was truly one of your best. Because it wasn't an actual RP at all. It was you, it was real. It wasn't a character that goes into over dramatic detail about the color and size of the curtains in a room, or the height and distance between a window and a door. It was Alex, you, saying your peace and leaving hurt. And I'm sorry it came to that. I really am. I hope you truly do make it in any other e-fed you're apart of, and I hope they apparently see you for everything you believe we don't. Keep in touch, but please stop bashing the e-fed merely because you didn't get your way, just like all your co-partners in your "RP".
Alex, your RP was very good. Which is also very sad. It's sad because you're leaving, but even sadder that one of your best Rps has come off a basic immaturity it seems in flaming and disrespecting W.Z.C.W. all because you apparently felt like you never got your way.
But the truth is, Alex, the e-fed isn't and never has been all about you. Or me. Or Ricky. Or Derf. Or Everest. Or anyone else. It's a hobby. A game. Something to just do, because it's meant to be fun. Winning and losing has no point in realism, because you don't win or lose anything that's real. So if you weren't having fun, and all you cared about was winning a Championship that's imaginary, you should've said something.
I'm not complaining, and in a lot of ways I understand greatly what you did. Hell, I knew all along you had talent. Afterall, I was one of the first guys to come to you regarding a bigger role within the e-fed. But I was also one of the hardest on you, by exclaiming that you were extremely anal with detail, so much so that you'd lose grip on the readers.
This RP kept me gripped, but only because of the inner story within it. Drama begets more drama.
So you tell the e-world on WZ that this is your last RP. Then you add in guys like Bowen and D.C., who aren't any hidden faces to drama and the e-fed. You top that off by saying every other place (ie. e-fed) you've been in, they've known you had the talent to be a star. And you add the icing to the cake in saying the only reason you were ever held down in W.Z.C.W. was because of us on Staff.
But you failed to take any real responsibility for anything, didn't you? When the fact is, plain and simple.. you weren't held down because of the staff, you were held down because up until recently, you never did master RPing to the point of keeping readers entertained. At least not in W.Z.C.W.
Now once again, I'm not saying a single word of this to hurt your feelings, or beget more drama between you and WZ. I'm truly and honestly sorry it's apparently come to this, and this ending. Alex, I honestly wish you would've came to me, instead of merely held it all in. But the truth of the matter is.. you aren't happy now, so you said all you did, and you got the minor attention you truly wanted. I guess it's a win, win for everyone, right?
So that's my feedback for your RP. It was truly one of your best. Because it wasn't an actual RP at all. It was you, it was real. It wasn't a character that goes into over dramatic detail about the color and size of the curtains in a room, or the height and distance between a window and a door. It was Alex, you, saying your peace and leaving hurt. And I'm sorry it came to that. I really am. I hope you truly do make it in any other e-fed you're apart of, and I hope they apparently see you for everything you believe we don't. Keep in touch, but please stop bashing the e-fed merely because you didn't get your way, just like all your co-partners in your "RP".
Milenko: In the end, unfortunately you never had the challenge you deserve. Not because I believe Alex isn't good, or anything like that, but because logically he did prove one point. No company, real or fake, would place a title on anyone that doesn't wish to be here any longer.
Your RP wasn't the very best I've seen of you, but you're only improving, and you handled your match with Alex the best anyone could've, with respect and maturity in facing the situation you had to. The 'One Man Dynasty' gimmick is looking very sharp for you, and because of that I can get involved in your Rps and stay focused.
From the looks of the most recent Meltdown card, it finally looks like you'll get a challenger that's here for a longer run. Harthan is a truly great RPer as well, so you will be tested. This I'm sure.
Unfortunately I don't have much else to say about your RP, because like I said from the beginning, you could've wrote that you were throwing shit on a wall, and sadly it would've still likely won you the match in some manner because I, nor anyone else here, would wish to give a title to someone unwilling to be here.
But the fact is, you went above and beyond all that. You DID RP, and you did knock one out of the park. It takes a lot to do what you did, and ignore the situation of what was at hand. Thank You.
Your RP wasn't the very best I've seen of you, but you're only improving, and you handled your match with Alex the best anyone could've, with respect and maturity in facing the situation you had to. The 'One Man Dynasty' gimmick is looking very sharp for you, and because of that I can get involved in your Rps and stay focused.
From the looks of the most recent Meltdown card, it finally looks like you'll get a challenger that's here for a longer run. Harthan is a truly great RPer as well, so you will be tested. This I'm sure.
Unfortunately I don't have much else to say about your RP, because like I said from the beginning, you could've wrote that you were throwing shit on a wall, and sadly it would've still likely won you the match in some manner because I, nor anyone else here, would wish to give a title to someone unwilling to be here.
But the fact is, you went above and beyond all that. You DID RP, and you did knock one out of the park. It takes a lot to do what you did, and ignore the situation of what was at hand. Thank You.
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
USA
Now for someone who is meant to be a 'mega heel' this came out as a very heelish RP. Whilst an American Patriot is a good character, you have to realise that we're about 50/50 here in WZCW and it can come off as heelish. The thing that struck me was the line about you being the "ONLY superpower in WZCW!" That says heel like nothing else, especially when we have a superhero!
But a decent RP I can see room for improvement, but after all it's just your second RP...a C+ from me methinks. Just keep going, but you need to decided if you're a face or a heel.
Anthony Michaels
WOW, dude I loved it. I don't know what it was but it was good, maybe because we see a bit of the real you? The face type turn is great, andthe way you conveyed your emotions on how you just wanted to get noticed and not be a bastard I liked very much.
I also liked how you used Klamor, you got him spot on.
A rather good RP which I shall reward an A- (that's just because the spelling mistake or else it'd be an A)
Now for someone who is meant to be a 'mega heel' this came out as a very heelish RP. Whilst an American Patriot is a good character, you have to realise that we're about 50/50 here in WZCW and it can come off as heelish. The thing that struck me was the line about you being the "ONLY superpower in WZCW!" That says heel like nothing else, especially when we have a superhero!
But a decent RP I can see room for improvement, but after all it's just your second RP...a C+ from me methinks. Just keep going, but you need to decided if you're a face or a heel.
Anthony Michaels
WOW, dude I loved it. I don't know what it was but it was good, maybe because we see a bit of the real you? The face type turn is great, andthe way you conveyed your emotions on how you just wanted to get noticed and not be a bastard I liked very much.
I also liked how you used Klamor, you got him spot on.
A rather good RP which I shall reward an A- (that's just because the spelling mistake or else it'd be an A
)USA
I thought his RP was good. He came off as heelish & whether he is a face or heel remains to be seen but a good RP nonetheless.
Anthony Michaels
Wow his RP seemed like part of the real him which is great for an RP in my opinion. How he used that Klamor guy was fantastic & how he explained his emotions on how he just wanted to get noticed & not be an asshole while doing it. I liked that alot. Anyways keep up the good work on these enjoyable RP's
I thought his RP was good. He came off as heelish & whether he is a face or heel remains to be seen but a good RP nonetheless.
Anthony Michaels
Wow his RP seemed like part of the real him which is great for an RP in my opinion. How he used that Klamor guy was fantastic & how he explained his emotions on how he just wanted to get noticed & not be an asshole while doing it. I liked that alot. Anyways keep up the good work on these enjoyable RP's
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Vengeance
Whilst you don't have a match, it's good that you RPd like this with the circumstances and all that. Now I know you can do longer RPs, but just like your Mrs tells you all the time it's not the size that matters.
What I love in an RP is when you can actually picture it in your head, when you can feel the emotions. This RP had that. I will award this RP a B+ just because I have seen better stuff from you, but then again I mark to fuck for Vengeance.
Red Mask
Obviously I am not going to RP for myself, but I thought it was one of my better ones.
Whilst you don't have a match, it's good that you RPd like this with the circumstances and all that. Now I know you can do longer RPs, but just like your Mrs tells you all the time it's not the size that matters.
What I love in an RP is when you can actually picture it in your head, when you can feel the emotions. This RP had that. I will award this RP a B+ just because I have seen better stuff from you, but then again I mark to fuck for Vengeance.
Red Mask
Obviously I am not going to RP for myself, but I thought it was one of my better ones.
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Carmen Bratchny
Another awesome RP by you, it had emotion, you could feel how glad Bratchny was at winning, could feel that actually he is being used by McKenzie which gave a little sympathy for him.
Swindle is a great character, I don't know how to describe it, but I love it. To me it was a good RP but there seemed to be too much going on at once, but was still a good RP. I shall award this a B+/A- not sure which, but nice RP.
Another awesome RP by you, it had emotion, you could feel how glad Bratchny was at winning, could feel that actually he is being used by McKenzie which gave a little sympathy for him.
Swindle is a great character, I don't know how to describe it, but I love it. To me it was a good RP but there seemed to be too much going on at once, but was still a good RP. I shall award this a B+/A- not sure which, but nice RP.
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Daniel Stokes
I liked this one, a true tweener RP. Starting off with how you did the right thing, having people sucked into that and then declaring that you're better because you're Aussie...streuth girly I loved it.
It flowed well and didn't seem put together or higgildy piggldy and my favourite part is getting rid of Brad, I hate Brad he's a douche.
Overall I shall also give you a B+ whilst it was a good RP I personally didn't feel the emotions like I had done with other RPs. Still great work though
I liked this one, a true tweener RP. Starting off with how you did the right thing, having people sucked into that and then declaring that you're better because you're Aussie...streuth girly I loved it.
It flowed well and didn't seem put together or higgildy piggldy and my favourite part is getting rid of Brad, I hate Brad he's a douche.
Overall I shall also give you a B+ whilst it was a good RP I personally didn't feel the emotions like I had done with other RPs. Still great work though
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Ace David
What I like about you is you communicate. You are obviously new to fedding, but we all start somewhere. I like how you produced an RP and asked how to improve it, the improvements were made and you have gone from a very poor RP to a rather decent one. It give an air of mystery over who Ace is, he has history with his band and indy days, and that has me hooked.
I won't give a rating because I am not going to for the contract guys, but it was good.
What I like about you is you communicate. You are obviously new to fedding, but we all start somewhere. I like how you produced an RP and asked how to improve it, the improvements were made and you have gone from a very poor RP to a rather decent one. It give an air of mystery over who Ace is, he has history with his band and indy days, and that has me hooked.
I won't give a rating because I am not going to for the contract guys, but it was good.
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Will
YES YES YES I fricking loved this! Klamor and Will go together like erm Like me and Ricky's mom. Seriously I loved the combination these two had, the emotions from Will just felt real. A very good Rp which I shall award an A
Garth Black
I am so glad we are seeing more of this character, and his hatred for teaming up, will be interesting to see where this one is going. I also liked how you used both Becky and Jonny. Great RP B+
Phoenix
I must admit your character has me gripped, whilst the RP was nothing special, the character of Phoenix had me thinking WTF but this was in a good way! I'll give you a B- for this, but can see you improving, greatly indeed!
James Baker
Without even reading the RP you think, aww man this is going to be bad. The reason was because everything was in red rather than having Becky one colour, you another. Add to that the short length...
But to read it it was decent, nothing special, but you can see where you're going and what your aims are. Go for better formatting and maybe a little longer next time and that would get you from a C- up to a B
YES YES YES I fricking loved this! Klamor and Will go together like erm Like me and Ricky's mom. Seriously I loved the combination these two had, the emotions from Will just felt real. A very good Rp which I shall award an A
Garth Black
I am so glad we are seeing more of this character, and his hatred for teaming up, will be interesting to see where this one is going. I also liked how you used both Becky and Jonny. Great RP B+
Phoenix
I must admit your character has me gripped, whilst the RP was nothing special, the character of Phoenix had me thinking WTF but this was in a good way! I'll give you a B- for this, but can see you improving, greatly indeed!
James Baker
Without even reading the RP you think, aww man this is going to be bad. The reason was because everything was in red rather than having Becky one colour, you another. Add to that the short length...
But to read it it was decent, nothing special, but you can see where you're going and what your aims are. Go for better formatting and maybe a little longer next time and that would get you from a C- up to a B
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Milenko
I'm going to pick the two hings I really loved about this RP;
1) It was like an old school wrestling promo, you can imagine Hogan or someone yelling at the camera with no interviewer. You caught this, I loved it.
2) Emotion's my new thing, and I loved it. The thing that struck me is how you're going from one guy to another, with subtle character changes. I liked that.
B-
Whilst I know you are capable of a lot better, I understand your circumstances are tough at the moment, and we're very grateful you took the time to produce this. you're in my prayers buddy.
I'm going to pick the two hings I really loved about this RP;
1) It was like an old school wrestling promo, you can imagine Hogan or someone yelling at the camera with no interviewer. You caught this, I loved it.
2) Emotion's my new thing, and I loved it. The thing that struck me is how you're going from one guy to another, with subtle character changes. I liked that.
B-
Whilst I know you are capable of a lot better, I understand your circumstances are tough at the moment, and we're very grateful you took the time to produce this. you're in my prayers buddy.
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Anoki
That is how you do an opening RP. The Vignette had me hooked, from start to finish. I could see the video, hear the voices and it made me want to know more about Anoki, he's a character and by that he's not the same as everyone else, he stands out...without trying to be.
Great job.
That is how you do an opening RP. The Vignette had me hooked, from start to finish. I could see the video, hear the voices and it made me want to know more about Anoki, he's a character and by that he's not the same as everyone else, he stands out...without trying to be.
Great job.
Father:_Polley
Fun's my Chinese neighbour's name
Tag match
Black Phoenix - Both very similar feel to the RPs, a feeling of distrust and dislike for both each other and having to team. I like the idea and think the two of you are going to work well together.
Mr Da Xreme Gangster - I think you could have worked better by using anger, embarrassment and any other emotion to atone for you being eliminated quickly. The formatting can be improved. Best advice, decide how you want your character to be, where you want him to develop into and work towards it.
Will vs Spiral w/ Celeste
Dark Will is Will at his best. You work well in this tweener role and the anger is palpable in the RP. It works for the storyline and you draw in the unknown in Celeste which is a nice touch, and promptly insult her.
Stokes vs Michaels
Stokes - Dan, you're back to what you were before I owned your ass in that feud. And the link is the disappearance of Brad. Brad was a good character for a one-off inclusion after the events that unfolded with us, but he was your weakness. Now, Lee mentioned a lack of emotion, I think that's a good thing given the cold approach you were going for.
Michaels - The lack of first names is due to my previously proven inability to remember your characters' first names. Face Michaels is a nice turn. You handle the approach to your new character well. I'll still destroy you when we meet, but I approve.
Tough match to call but I'll give it closely to the Monkey
Black Phoenix - Both very similar feel to the RPs, a feeling of distrust and dislike for both each other and having to team. I like the idea and think the two of you are going to work well together.
Mr Da Xreme Gangster - I think you could have worked better by using anger, embarrassment and any other emotion to atone for you being eliminated quickly. The formatting can be improved. Best advice, decide how you want your character to be, where you want him to develop into and work towards it.
Will vs Spiral w/ Celeste
Dark Will is Will at his best. You work well in this tweener role and the anger is palpable in the RP. It works for the storyline and you draw in the unknown in Celeste which is a nice touch, and promptly insult her.
Stokes vs Michaels
Stokes - Dan, you're back to what you were before I owned your ass in that feud. And the link is the disappearance of Brad. Brad was a good character for a one-off inclusion after the events that unfolded with us, but he was your weakness. Now, Lee mentioned a lack of emotion, I think that's a good thing given the cold approach you were going for.
Michaels - The lack of first names is due to my previously proven inability to remember your characters' first names. Face Michaels is a nice turn. You handle the approach to your new character well. I'll still destroy you when we meet, but I approve.
Tough match to call but I'll give it closely to the Monkey
Steamboat Ricky
WZCW's Living Legend
Time for Ricky feedback:
Bratchny: I LOVED this RP. First of all, I love the Bratchny character, particularly the way he speaks. The way you put over the Elite X belt is phenomenal, in my opinion, and it really gives your character an aura of confidence. --He doesn't need the "top belt" to be the top guy...in fact, he's so good, he can make the B title the A title just because HE'S carrying it.-- That's what I got out of your rp. Epic.
Stokes: I liked this RP, as well. I love the way Stokes talks...it's very fluid and nonchalant, making it easy to read. The best thing I can say about this RP is that I WANTED to read it all the way throughout. In terms of winning my vote, that is the first thing I notice about an RP. If I am enjoying myself while reading it, and it isn't a chore, then that scores you points. Other than a few grammar errors, stellar.
Will: I don't understand what you were doing with Klamor. For me, the interviewer is there simply as a catalyst for conversation. I don't really see them as being a figure that deserves respect, at least in the way that Klamor was addressing you. It came off as really awkward to me, and I found myself unable to get past that throughout the rest of the RP. Other than Klamor, I think the rest of it was good. Easy to read, and I liked the emotion/tire iron use by Will.
Tasty: Great beginning to the RP. I absolutely loved the segment with you and Becky. I could really feel the narcissism dripping out of your character. However, I started getting puzzled when you began talking to Klamor. The way you have Klamor portrayed is as some kind of authority figure...like someone who was doing the booking and had the power to fire/hire people. Vance does that, while Klamor is merely a backstage announcer. Furthermore, why is Klamor someone you'd be willing to talk to and not Becky? Is your character a chauvinist? After the Klamor confusion I just got kind of lost, which is partially on me, but I seemed to get the message of your RP after it was halfway over. "You don't need Phoenix, you can do it by yourself." You continued in by talking about some dudes that aren't even involved in the match, making judgments on them, causing further distraction from the point of the RP. In sum: sorry to be blunt...while the first half was fantastic, I just wasn't digging the second half.
Phoenix: Thrilla, I'm having a difficult time understanding what it is that you are trying to accomplish with this RP. You start off being cocky, heelish/tweener style....then decide to give the girl a break and talk to her. Then you start going with a sympathetic face strategy saying that you made guarantees, you failed, and that your commitment to excellence does not reflect the loss. Then, you are apologetic for screaming and being passionate, and you come off like CM Punk or something saying you are all about overcoming the odds, etc, etc, etc. Then you GO BACK to being a cocky, heelish/tweener by bad mouthing Becky...then you try to be all friendly with Garth. In short: from reading your RP, I have no idea what your character is about and what he wants to accomplish in WZCW, other than being a future legend. But a word for the wise, unless you strive to be someone like....Dolph Ziglar, saying that you are going to be a legend, etc. etc. etc. before you have even done anything (or unless your dad is Dusty Rhodes) isn't a good strategy to get you over.
Big Pimpin: You say you want to get noticed in your RP by beating Garth and Phoenix. I want you to get noticed, also...but I want you to get noticed in your RPs. And nothing really jumped out at me in this RP. Your character seems laid back, but he seemed so laid back that he didn't really care about the match. Yeah, you said that you come from the streets and that you are used to fighting, but you just didn't seem to care that we remember that. And I applaud your use of formatting, but you might want to format different colors for different characters in the RP.
Milenko: Good. There's not much more to say than that. Though it's unorthodox with the juggalo persona, the "One Man Dynasty" act is being portrayed very well in your RPs. I get a sense that we have REASON to give a crap about Milenko and should anticipate great things in the future. One critique...perhaps use a bit more CAPS, bolding, underlining, or italicizing in order to show changes in emotion. It's easier for the reader and gets the message across better.
MD: I liked the very beginning, but the minute you started talking about your credentials in other feds, all I could think about was "who cares?" "Why does that have ANY credibility in WZCW?" Then, I saw you saying the talent was overrated. Then I thought, "Who is this guy?" "What has he done?" Nothing. You haven't done anything, so that just makes you look weak when you say stuff like that, IMO. I realize you are trying to come off as a cocky heel, but you have NOTHING to be legitimately cocky about in terms of accomplishments or anything of the like. I'm not trying to "put you in your place" for being a noob and bad-mouthing more seasoned talent. I just see what you were trying to do and I don't think it works well. At the same time, the beginning was great, and I really liked the bit about messing up Becky's name. It shows that you are full of yourself, but it doesn't do it in a non-credible fashion.
Gelgarin: Um, this is your debut RP? I don't see how. It was amazing. Very creative, poetic, and it was presented in a manner in which I really want to know more about the character. What is this past that he speaks of? The character development is there, and really capture how serious the stakes of the match are. Many props on a great debut.
Bratchny: I LOVED this RP. First of all, I love the Bratchny character, particularly the way he speaks. The way you put over the Elite X belt is phenomenal, in my opinion, and it really gives your character an aura of confidence. --He doesn't need the "top belt" to be the top guy...in fact, he's so good, he can make the B title the A title just because HE'S carrying it.-- That's what I got out of your rp. Epic.
Stokes: I liked this RP, as well. I love the way Stokes talks...it's very fluid and nonchalant, making it easy to read. The best thing I can say about this RP is that I WANTED to read it all the way throughout. In terms of winning my vote, that is the first thing I notice about an RP. If I am enjoying myself while reading it, and it isn't a chore, then that scores you points. Other than a few grammar errors, stellar.
Will: I don't understand what you were doing with Klamor. For me, the interviewer is there simply as a catalyst for conversation. I don't really see them as being a figure that deserves respect, at least in the way that Klamor was addressing you. It came off as really awkward to me, and I found myself unable to get past that throughout the rest of the RP. Other than Klamor, I think the rest of it was good. Easy to read, and I liked the emotion/tire iron use by Will.
Tasty: Great beginning to the RP. I absolutely loved the segment with you and Becky. I could really feel the narcissism dripping out of your character. However, I started getting puzzled when you began talking to Klamor. The way you have Klamor portrayed is as some kind of authority figure...like someone who was doing the booking and had the power to fire/hire people. Vance does that, while Klamor is merely a backstage announcer. Furthermore, why is Klamor someone you'd be willing to talk to and not Becky? Is your character a chauvinist? After the Klamor confusion I just got kind of lost, which is partially on me, but I seemed to get the message of your RP after it was halfway over. "You don't need Phoenix, you can do it by yourself." You continued in by talking about some dudes that aren't even involved in the match, making judgments on them, causing further distraction from the point of the RP. In sum: sorry to be blunt...while the first half was fantastic, I just wasn't digging the second half.
Phoenix: Thrilla, I'm having a difficult time understanding what it is that you are trying to accomplish with this RP. You start off being cocky, heelish/tweener style....then decide to give the girl a break and talk to her. Then you start going with a sympathetic face strategy saying that you made guarantees, you failed, and that your commitment to excellence does not reflect the loss. Then, you are apologetic for screaming and being passionate, and you come off like CM Punk or something saying you are all about overcoming the odds, etc, etc, etc. Then you GO BACK to being a cocky, heelish/tweener by bad mouthing Becky...then you try to be all friendly with Garth. In short: from reading your RP, I have no idea what your character is about and what he wants to accomplish in WZCW, other than being a future legend. But a word for the wise, unless you strive to be someone like....Dolph Ziglar, saying that you are going to be a legend, etc. etc. etc. before you have even done anything (or unless your dad is Dusty Rhodes) isn't a good strategy to get you over.
Big Pimpin: You say you want to get noticed in your RP by beating Garth and Phoenix. I want you to get noticed, also...but I want you to get noticed in your RPs. And nothing really jumped out at me in this RP. Your character seems laid back, but he seemed so laid back that he didn't really care about the match. Yeah, you said that you come from the streets and that you are used to fighting, but you just didn't seem to care that we remember that. And I applaud your use of formatting, but you might want to format different colors for different characters in the RP.
Milenko: Good. There's not much more to say than that. Though it's unorthodox with the juggalo persona, the "One Man Dynasty" act is being portrayed very well in your RPs. I get a sense that we have REASON to give a crap about Milenko and should anticipate great things in the future. One critique...perhaps use a bit more CAPS, bolding, underlining, or italicizing in order to show changes in emotion. It's easier for the reader and gets the message across better.
MD: I liked the very beginning, but the minute you started talking about your credentials in other feds, all I could think about was "who cares?" "Why does that have ANY credibility in WZCW?" Then, I saw you saying the talent was overrated. Then I thought, "Who is this guy?" "What has he done?" Nothing. You haven't done anything, so that just makes you look weak when you say stuff like that, IMO. I realize you are trying to come off as a cocky heel, but you have NOTHING to be legitimately cocky about in terms of accomplishments or anything of the like. I'm not trying to "put you in your place" for being a noob and bad-mouthing more seasoned talent. I just see what you were trying to do and I don't think it works well. At the same time, the beginning was great, and I really liked the bit about messing up Becky's name. It shows that you are full of yourself, but it doesn't do it in a non-credible fashion.
Gelgarin: Um, this is your debut RP? I don't see how. It was amazing. Very creative, poetic, and it was presented in a manner in which I really want to know more about the character. What is this past that he speaks of? The character development is there, and really capture how serious the stakes of the match are. Many props on a great debut.
Thriller Ant
Beep Bop Boop
I'm by no means an expert, but I'll go ahead and give some feedback and tell you guys what I think.
Contract Match: I enjoyed both entries so far in this match. Ace as a character needs some depth, but I could see him being a John Morrison type. As for Anoki, I loved this RP. The "zen" and calm he used while talking about taking his shot kept me compelled the entire time. I'd be happy with either one of you, but I would give the edge to Anoki.
All-American Challenge: I love how you used the "youngster trying to earn respect angle" as it is one of my favorites. To be honest, I wasn't buying into the military training scenes, but you tied it in well and made it work. A very solid RP.
Main Event Tag Match: I love the potential of Red Mask going into investigate the disappearance of Leon. You were able to include this week's match, last week's match (and put Drake over in the process), and the storyline of Leon disappearing all in one. I was very impressed and enjoyed it a lot. As for Carmen, to be totally honest, I had no idea where your RP was going for most of it. At the same time, however, I could not stop reading because it kept me intrigued the whole time. I am also curious to see if anything comes of this fight with Swindle. I'm glad I don't have to choose here because they were both great.
Grudge Match: Wow. Both of these were absolutely amazing. Anthony showed determination and anger in a great face promo, Daniel was cocky and demeaning in a great heel promo. Based on the RP, this will be the match of the night.
Street Fight: Will, I loved the anger and passion you put into this. When I think of a street fight, I think of a match to try and end a feud and one with a lot of passion, and that is what you expressed. Excellent RP.
Tag Match: I won't go too in-depth into my match. Suffice it to say that I put a lot more effort into this one, and I think/hope it shows. I also enjoyed my partner's RP so I have a good feeling about this one.
Like I said earlier, I'm no expert, but hopefully I'm another opinion that can help someone and that you guys can appreciate
Contract Match: I enjoyed both entries so far in this match. Ace as a character needs some depth, but I could see him being a John Morrison type. As for Anoki, I loved this RP. The "zen" and calm he used while talking about taking his shot kept me compelled the entire time. I'd be happy with either one of you, but I would give the edge to Anoki.
All-American Challenge: I love how you used the "youngster trying to earn respect angle" as it is one of my favorites. To be honest, I wasn't buying into the military training scenes, but you tied it in well and made it work. A very solid RP.
Main Event Tag Match: I love the potential of Red Mask going into investigate the disappearance of Leon. You were able to include this week's match, last week's match (and put Drake over in the process), and the storyline of Leon disappearing all in one. I was very impressed and enjoyed it a lot. As for Carmen, to be totally honest, I had no idea where your RP was going for most of it. At the same time, however, I could not stop reading because it kept me intrigued the whole time. I am also curious to see if anything comes of this fight with Swindle. I'm glad I don't have to choose here because they were both great.
Grudge Match: Wow. Both of these were absolutely amazing. Anthony showed determination and anger in a great face promo, Daniel was cocky and demeaning in a great heel promo. Based on the RP, this will be the match of the night.
Street Fight: Will, I loved the anger and passion you put into this. When I think of a street fight, I think of a match to try and end a feud and one with a lot of passion, and that is what you expressed. Excellent RP.
Tag Match: I won't go too in-depth into my match. Suffice it to say that I put a lot more effort into this one, and I think/hope it shows. I also enjoyed my partner's RP so I have a good feeling about this one.
Like I said earlier, I'm no expert, but hopefully I'm another opinion that can help someone and that you guys can appreciate
I don't know too much about rp'ing but hopefully my feedback is good.
Contract Match- Ace could've had a little more depth into it. I like Anoki being all zen & calm while talking about taking his shot to keep me interested. I liked how Cougar just ooozes cockyness & it kept me interested to read the entire thing.
Tag Team Match- Obviousely i'm not gonna go much detail in my match excet that I think Thriller & Tastycles did a great job delivering great RP's & I felt I could've done better on my RP cause I think I came off as not caring about the match, showing lack of embarassment & that it was not only too short but the characters were in one color.
Milenko vs Callahan- Milenko's RP was good. He showed intensity & he proves that he is better than his opponent.
Spiral vs Will- Will has a great RP. He showed embarrassment & heavily explained what he is gonna do to Spiral.
Contract Match- Ace could've had a little more depth into it. I like Anoki being all zen & calm while talking about taking his shot to keep me interested. I liked how Cougar just ooozes cockyness & it kept me interested to read the entire thing.
Tag Team Match- Obviousely i'm not gonna go much detail in my match excet that I think Thriller & Tastycles did a great job delivering great RP's & I felt I could've done better on my RP cause I think I came off as not caring about the match, showing lack of embarassment & that it was not only too short but the characters were in one color.
Milenko vs Callahan- Milenko's RP was good. He showed intensity & he proves that he is better than his opponent.
Spiral vs Will- Will has a great RP. He showed embarrassment & heavily explained what he is gonna do to Spiral.
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Big Showtime
It was different and thus scores points with me, I was under the impression you were going for the NWO style promos, and that I liked. Though I didn't like how you called WZCW crap
I jest on that...an allround decent RP. GRade to follow
Shakur
Various things bothered me...did you ask Gelgain if you could use Anoki in that way? I doubt it.
Where was the formatting?
As if you'll be going for the WZCW belt.
I personally didn't like it too much, though it did flow which was a good thing.
It was different and thus scores points with me, I was under the impression you were going for the NWO style promos, and that I liked. Though I didn't like how you called WZCW crap
I jest on that...an allround decent RP. GRade to followShakur
Various things bothered me...did you ask Gelgain if you could use Anoki in that way? I doubt it.
Where was the formatting?
As if you'll be going for the WZCW belt.
I personally didn't like it too much, though it did flow which was a good thing.
