Constantine (Dave):
I liked this RP a lot. There's a sense of excitement in the beginning as you're building up to the cash-in (even though all the readers knew what would happen). It just all seemed so chaotic, people were running around, Constantine seemed stressed, Big Dave was flipping out -- it was really what you would expect behind the scenes of such a moment.
The cutscene in the middle was interesting. It made me curious as to who Constantine was speaking to, what was coming next, and so on. It gives you something solid to work on in the coming weeks, and gives readers a reason to read your RPs every week.
The promo at the end was the strongest part of your promo, easily. You've gotten really comfortable with writing Constantine, so you know how to convey his anger and his frustration perfectly. This type of promo does wonders in building up Constantine as a viable threat to Showtime, not to mention he's quickly skyrocketing up the ladder and becoming a top heel.
My only real problem with the RP was how forced the interactions between Big Dave and Constantine were, especially the second. You have a great grasp on Constantine, but you struggled to really capture what -- in my eyes -- Big Dave would behave like. Then, you just sort of tried to tie Triple X into that and have Big Dave angrily create the match, which just seemed sort of week.
Overall though, this was a great RP, with very little to complain about.
El Califa Dragon (Ty):
I honestly don't know how you can write these long 3000 word RPs, but this was a pretty fun one to read. I didn't even really notice the length, since I was enjoying it so much -- I did a double take afterward, when I realized what a massive chunk of text it was.
I don't wanna mimic what's been said before me, but I didn't like the footnotes either. I appreciate the authenticity you brought to the table by using Spanish on your promo and in other conversation, but this wasn't the best way to handle that. Truth be told, you could probably just have used English and nobody would have batted an eyelash. Still, this is the type of attention to detail I love about your RPs, even if it might have been a bit much here.
I really liked how you gave readers a bit of character history on El Califa, while strengthening his relationship with Ricky on screen -- good stuff. The best characters are the ones who don't seem like this perfect being, which is why it's so cool that you had Califa explain his struggles to Ricky, explain his roots, and show a little but of anger, even.
Awesome RP, man.
Grand Mystique (Numbers):
I think this role for Mystique is perfect. He bounces off of Westhoff and Jacobs very well, while asserting himself as being the alpha male. The description in the beginning -- specifically the play on darkness/light, good/evil -- is spectacular. The dialogue is great, too. The New Church is becoming like one of those creepy religious cults, it's freaky, but a really fun read.
You did a nice job of tearing into your opponents and sort of even justifying your actions at the PPV -- the whole thing just seemed to be really evil though, which is perfect for a few heels like the New Church. So many people tend to gloss over their opponents while writing their RPs, but you had a great balance between talking about your actions at Unscripted, your opponents, and developing your character's persona.
I thought the casket symbolism wasn't a bad idea, but it was a little cheesy. Subtlety serves you really well in these types of situations, and it seems really blatant when you drag out a few caskets with your opponents' faces on them. There's something to be said for trying to shock the reader, but it's not a bad idea to lay off of that a little bit, too.
Mason Westhoff (Thriller):
You've done a great job with really tapping into Westhoff's character, it's awesome. The interaction between Derek and Mason is top shelf, really. Every time I read a discussion between Mason and Derek, I keep seeing Westhoff further brainwash Jacobs, like I said to Numbers about his RP, it's eerie.
Westhoff reminds me of a slick used car salesman, willing to tell the customer whatever it takes for him to buy into his words. It's a great quality for a heel to have, and it translates really well to text. I view Westhoff's role in the New Church as sort of being Grand Mystique's right hand, so the way you write Westhoff only makes it more fitting. He spits out Mystique's messages, trying to strengthen the New Church's influence.
I've told you countless times that I'm a fan of your descriptions, so I was a little letdown by that aspect of this RP. It was strictly talk, and it could have used a bit of description. What do Jacobs and Westhoff see outside of the car, etc.
Strong RP though, overall.
Derek Jacobs (Meeks):
The improvement you've made since you first joined is astounding. I've read basically all of your RPs, and they've steadily been getting better and better. This, in all likelihood, is your best one so far. It really transitioned from part to part smoothly, and captured what Derek Jacobs has become perfectly.
The interaction with James Parker was good, but it was a bit devoid of emotion. If Derek was really speaking to someone who was like a father to him, I'd imagine there would be more anger and hatred on his part, maybe even an underlying sadness. It was great, but you could have expanded upon that a lot more. That could have been a standalone RP, but you ended up using it as a small scene in this one, which is fine, but it could have been much better.
The ending is great. The images of the wreckage the New Church has left in their path, coupled with Derek's words makes for a nice ending. You sort of skipped over speaking about your opponents, but this was part of the overall story to guys were trying to tell, so it's fine.
Well done, dude.
Sandy Deserts (FalKon):
Like Dave, I don't know much about Sandy, so this feedback will be based strictly on what I read.
The intro was the best part of the RP, hands down. The Professor is broken, while Sandy has to take this in. She's his rock and uses his pain as fuel for her own emotions. From the on, the RP was basically just standard stuff. I didn't see anything too spectacular, it just got your message across. There's nothing wrong with that, but I'd like to see more -- establishing Sandy's character with people who don't know much about her would be a great way to go about handling future RPs, I think. Sandy's anger toward Izzy at the end grabbed my attention, so I'd love to see more of that, too.
It's a shame there were so many no-shows in our match, since this was a fairly enjoyable RP, but what can you do? This was solid, considering how difficult a character switch is, and Sandy's been around for a short while. It's a solid foundation to build on.
I liked this RP a lot. There's a sense of excitement in the beginning as you're building up to the cash-in (even though all the readers knew what would happen). It just all seemed so chaotic, people were running around, Constantine seemed stressed, Big Dave was flipping out -- it was really what you would expect behind the scenes of such a moment.
The cutscene in the middle was interesting. It made me curious as to who Constantine was speaking to, what was coming next, and so on. It gives you something solid to work on in the coming weeks, and gives readers a reason to read your RPs every week.
The promo at the end was the strongest part of your promo, easily. You've gotten really comfortable with writing Constantine, so you know how to convey his anger and his frustration perfectly. This type of promo does wonders in building up Constantine as a viable threat to Showtime, not to mention he's quickly skyrocketing up the ladder and becoming a top heel.
My only real problem with the RP was how forced the interactions between Big Dave and Constantine were, especially the second. You have a great grasp on Constantine, but you struggled to really capture what -- in my eyes -- Big Dave would behave like. Then, you just sort of tried to tie Triple X into that and have Big Dave angrily create the match, which just seemed sort of week.
Overall though, this was a great RP, with very little to complain about.
El Califa Dragon (Ty):
I honestly don't know how you can write these long 3000 word RPs, but this was a pretty fun one to read. I didn't even really notice the length, since I was enjoying it so much -- I did a double take afterward, when I realized what a massive chunk of text it was.
I don't wanna mimic what's been said before me, but I didn't like the footnotes either. I appreciate the authenticity you brought to the table by using Spanish on your promo and in other conversation, but this wasn't the best way to handle that. Truth be told, you could probably just have used English and nobody would have batted an eyelash. Still, this is the type of attention to detail I love about your RPs, even if it might have been a bit much here.
I really liked how you gave readers a bit of character history on El Califa, while strengthening his relationship with Ricky on screen -- good stuff. The best characters are the ones who don't seem like this perfect being, which is why it's so cool that you had Califa explain his struggles to Ricky, explain his roots, and show a little but of anger, even.
Awesome RP, man.
Grand Mystique (Numbers):
I think this role for Mystique is perfect. He bounces off of Westhoff and Jacobs very well, while asserting himself as being the alpha male. The description in the beginning -- specifically the play on darkness/light, good/evil -- is spectacular. The dialogue is great, too. The New Church is becoming like one of those creepy religious cults, it's freaky, but a really fun read.
You did a nice job of tearing into your opponents and sort of even justifying your actions at the PPV -- the whole thing just seemed to be really evil though, which is perfect for a few heels like the New Church. So many people tend to gloss over their opponents while writing their RPs, but you had a great balance between talking about your actions at Unscripted, your opponents, and developing your character's persona.
I thought the casket symbolism wasn't a bad idea, but it was a little cheesy. Subtlety serves you really well in these types of situations, and it seems really blatant when you drag out a few caskets with your opponents' faces on them. There's something to be said for trying to shock the reader, but it's not a bad idea to lay off of that a little bit, too.
Mason Westhoff (Thriller):
You've done a great job with really tapping into Westhoff's character, it's awesome. The interaction between Derek and Mason is top shelf, really. Every time I read a discussion between Mason and Derek, I keep seeing Westhoff further brainwash Jacobs, like I said to Numbers about his RP, it's eerie.
Westhoff reminds me of a slick used car salesman, willing to tell the customer whatever it takes for him to buy into his words. It's a great quality for a heel to have, and it translates really well to text. I view Westhoff's role in the New Church as sort of being Grand Mystique's right hand, so the way you write Westhoff only makes it more fitting. He spits out Mystique's messages, trying to strengthen the New Church's influence.
I've told you countless times that I'm a fan of your descriptions, so I was a little letdown by that aspect of this RP. It was strictly talk, and it could have used a bit of description. What do Jacobs and Westhoff see outside of the car, etc.
Strong RP though, overall.
Derek Jacobs (Meeks):
The improvement you've made since you first joined is astounding. I've read basically all of your RPs, and they've steadily been getting better and better. This, in all likelihood, is your best one so far. It really transitioned from part to part smoothly, and captured what Derek Jacobs has become perfectly.
The interaction with James Parker was good, but it was a bit devoid of emotion. If Derek was really speaking to someone who was like a father to him, I'd imagine there would be more anger and hatred on his part, maybe even an underlying sadness. It was great, but you could have expanded upon that a lot more. That could have been a standalone RP, but you ended up using it as a small scene in this one, which is fine, but it could have been much better.
The ending is great. The images of the wreckage the New Church has left in their path, coupled with Derek's words makes for a nice ending. You sort of skipped over speaking about your opponents, but this was part of the overall story to guys were trying to tell, so it's fine.
Well done, dude.
Sandy Deserts (FalKon):
Like Dave, I don't know much about Sandy, so this feedback will be based strictly on what I read.
The intro was the best part of the RP, hands down. The Professor is broken, while Sandy has to take this in. She's his rock and uses his pain as fuel for her own emotions. From the on, the RP was basically just standard stuff. I didn't see anything too spectacular, it just got your message across. There's nothing wrong with that, but I'd like to see more -- establishing Sandy's character with people who don't know much about her would be a great way to go about handling future RPs, I think. Sandy's anger toward Izzy at the end grabbed my attention, so I'd love to see more of that, too.
It's a shame there were so many no-shows in our match, since this was a fairly enjoyable RP, but what can you do? This was solid, considering how difficult a character switch is, and Sandy's been around for a short while. It's a solid foundation to build on.
With that being said, I wanted to be one of the first people to give you some two cents on your RP this week. 
' are nice touches. They aren't the be all and end all, but attention to detail like that is awesome.
