(Picture of a Gym, I tried to put a picture in here and 10 minutes later I said fuck it. Trust me, there's a picture of a gym here O.K. Just picture it, weights and stuff. People sweating. Towels.)
JIM’S GYM, Downtown Toronto. 3:42 PM.
Big Bad Roady huffed as he waited for Mark in the fancy gym. He walked around the place, gave a quick peek to the hot ladies then made his way to the horizontal seated leg press machine. He adjusted his overly tight, blue workout T-shirt and squatted over the seat then sat down. He could feel the handlebars under the sides of his ass, he adjusted but the seat seemed to be made for smaller people. BigRoad sighed, looked around hoping nobody was watching, then attempted to lift his fat legs on the horizontal board facing him, he barely got his legs on the board when he started running out of breath because his knees were pushing right up into his lower chest cavity. He pressed with his legs, felt the resistance, then repeated.
This ain’t so bad.
BRRRRAAAAAACCCCKKKKK !!!!!!
The fart lasted a loud ten seconds. A woman started screaming as a wave of smell enveloped her, everyone stopped working out and gave BigRoad a disgusted look. Mark strolled in the gym wearing a sleeveless sweat shirt and jeans, he covered his nose. He made his way to BigRoad through the crowd of people trying to exit the gym.
“Dropping bombs eh?” Mark clapped the big man on the shoulder as he started stretching.
“Yeh, that was a bad one boss. Where were you, man? I got here around two and been goofin ever since.”
“The City of Toronto has funded me a promo for R-Awakening dude. I think they’re airing it during The Leafs opening season game vs Montreal. Can you believe that shit? You should see the work they put into this thing. I was downtown finishing up the end of the promo package. But I don't know, I really didn't write much of it, I think there's some network executive with an agenda or something man. I like Canada sure, but holy crap. Anyway...as I’m getting wicked popular, now CBC and other networks are coming to ME to use my star status. I’m feeling unstop.....”
A roar of motorocycles sped past the gym, visibly startling Mark and BigRoad as they spun around to see the bikes tear through traffic.
“Ya, about Blackburn...I couldn’t find the solution at the lake. Looks like we’ll be looking over our shoulder until he finds us again.”
“Screw em. We better start focusing our attention on Mancini now anyway. Bastard roughed you up really good last time. I didn’t get him the proper revenge just yet Big Wheel, but don’t you worry man, I’m gonna smash his teeth in at R-Awakening for you, just like I promised.” Mark curled the one hundred pound hand weight, showing off the size of his bicep to the world beyond the gym window.
“Hey Gary! Put some music on, I need to get a good workout montage in here before we get to see that promo package I did!”
Billy Idol, Eyes without a Face came on.
“Good enough, I guess!” Mark made a face as he bench pressed the weights.
Workout montage...
We can see BigRoad’s face close up as he’s spotting Mark, quickly switch to Mark running on a track, punching the air. Now he’s slamming the ping pong ball winning the match, switch to Mark working out his legs while Big Road spots him for some odd reason, you don’t really need to spot somebody while they work out on their legs, the hell is wrong with this guy anyway? We quickly do a fancy fade-switch to Mark drinking water and letting it drip down his muscular chest while a woman with really thick, blonde hair watches from across the gym, she bites her bottom lip as we switch again to Mark punching a punching bag, the music abruptly switches to a-ha Take on Me, ruining the flow on the montage, we see BigRoad arguing with Gary as Mark does furious sit ups in the foreground, showing his muscular abs, sweat rolling off his sides, we switch again to Mark doing chin ups closer to that hot blonde girl from earlier.
“Hey Gary. I think he’s ready for R-Awakening now. ” BigRoad said as he nodded towards Mark, Gary finished folding gym towels and gave the camera a thumbs up. Gary would retire a week later from Jim’s Gym then kill his wife with a shotgun, smoke a pile of crack and end up in jail.
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EXCLUSIVE SNEEK PEEK AT THE PROMO FUNDED BY THE CITY OF TORONTO FOR REMARKABLE MARK KEATON VS TONY MANCINI
A cartoon desert in the future, sand dunes to the left as an exaggerated swirl of wind creates a little sand twirl, animated to perfection like an A-list Anime presented to a worldwide audience. The camera pans up to the dark grey skies, filled with huge, threatening clouds. It looks like it might rain on this futuristic desert wasteland. A flash of light illuminates a big section of clouds as Voltron breaks through, flying like mad towards the desert, breaking the clouds around it as it flew. The giant robot adjusted it’s flight so it landed feet first to a tremendous boom, creating a dust cloud that circled the area around Voltron. It reached down to the ground and opened it’s hand, a cartoon version of Mark Keaton stepped out of his hand towards the camera, he blew a strand of blonde hair out of his forehead and twitched his thin nose as he walked wearing a spiked leather jacket and ripped jeans.
“ Tony Mancini, we are set to collide in a very short time at R-Awakening...” The cartoon Mark said, but obviously not Mark’s voice, it sounded more like Batman.
The screen wiped to one side showing a cartoon version of Tony Mancini smiling wickedly as he slammed down the trunk of a huge monster truck on a giant of a man, knocking the man out and walking away with his stooge, like they were giant gods.
“....you’ve gotten my attention with your vile acts of cowardice towards Big Bad Roady. But you should have stayed away from me...” Cartoon Mark continues to walk towards the camera but a giant stadium slams down around him, covering everything into darkness. A spotlight shines towards the entrance ramp, the silhouette of Mark walks into the light, then the light softens to show the real Mark Keaton, with a guitar strapped to his back and still walking with a purpose, he grabs the guitar and shoots lightning out of it towards an abandoned seated section, the ripped hole shows footage of a battered and spent Mancini, hoisting the Mayhem Championship over his head.
“ ...you’re always a dangerous opponent Tony, one that can’t be cast aside or ignored, you’ve proven yourself to be a fighter who will scratch....”
The footage shows Tony hitting Titus during their Eurasian Title Match.
“....who will claw his way up the card until he gets what he wants....”
The footage quickly switches to Tony carrying a baby, then putting the baby in a carriage.
“...wait, that’s not really....never mind, but at R-Awakening, all of Canada will be cheering ME on....” Mark spins around and fires another bolt of lightning in the opposite direction, it rips a hole showing footage of Mark standing victorious over a destroyed Mikey Stormrage.
“....as you can see, I can be as vicious as anyone in WZCW.....”
The footage quickly switches to a priest who starts talking about wrestling like he watches it.....
“.....hold on a second....” Mark presses a button on his guitar, changing the color of the lightning, the footage then shows Mark standing on the titantron, ready to leap off.
“...I will do what it takes Tony, but in the end....”
Queen’s Another One Bites the Dust blares as footage of Mark Keaton pinning Matt Tastic, then Reynolds, Constantine and Randy Studd. His form turns to cartoon as his hand gets raised in the footage over and over again, stretching off to the distance to a point of light with a thousand little matches stretching and getting swallowed up, the live action Mark throws his guitar and holds his fist out like Superman, he glides over the ropes and into the ring. A mic lowers and he dramatically grabs it....
“ ....and another one gone, and another one gone, another one bites the dust! Winning has to happen, because winning solves everything, I’m going to do what it takes to win at R-Awakening, Canada! If I have to drag the United States across my gigantic knee and spank it, that’s what I’m gonna do! If I have to HOLD the C.N Tower on my back as I suplex The Statue of Liberty, then that’s what I’m gonna do! If I have to use the force and tear Canada away from the stinking, rotting New York City, then THAT’S what I’m gonna do! Because this is my home and native land, and I STAND ON GUARD FOR THEE!!!!!!”
A giant Canadian Flag falls behind Mark as fireworks explode all around the flag while he does and double devils horns with his hands.
THIS PROMO HAS BEEN FUNDED BY THE CITY OF TORONTO