Smooth Sexual Chocolate
Grapefruits of Wrath
Buy yourself a fleshlight and call it a night.
Not experienced and over weight, should I bother to try and date?
- Thread starter Boring
- Start date
A11oftheLights
Getting Noticed By Management
Have a few drinks and ta-da
Dowdsy McDowds
Sally was here
For cock talk we like to use the international terms of measurement.
Mustang Sally
Sells seashells by the seashore
Dowdsy McDowds
Sally was here
I read my name and got scared for a minute, considering the subject.
Imagine this was the Harry though?
Reflection
is a happier and wiser man
I could relate to this; back in school, I used to feel quite bad for being overweight (when 99% of my classmates were built okay) and never had the confidence to y'know, extend the conversation beyond hi/how are you/bye, let alone making advances. Then I stopped considering myself to be shit and believed in myself (like others seem to have suggested here too) and although I'm not a magnet by any means, things are still better. When you have confidence, you'll see that people will talk to you in a better way too.
And don't be a martyr. "I'm gonna walk away because I love her and she deserves better than me" is the worst crap way of thinking ever, trust me. Been there, done that. This same feeling will hit you each time you develop feelings for someone, so get rid of it.
If you are quite fat and think losing some weight is essential to find a proper date, doing just 30 min of exercise a day and avoiding oily and salty food for a week should help a great deal and inspire you to lose more. Good luck!
Btw, I have a crush on this girl from our college that is couple of years younger to me. We've each other's number and everything. Problem is, she is a good friend and chances of getting Brozoned (Indian for Friendzoned) in the near future seems very likely, if things keep going the way they're going. Another problem is, I might lose the respect she now has for me, and hamper the friendship too. But fuck it, I'm gonna ask her out one of these days and blow her senses away with the charisma of an internet smark!
Finally, if one or two women say no, it doesn't matter. It's not the end of your life. There are more women out there and not all matches are meant to fit. At least you will know the answer definitively. You don't wanna be the "what if..." guy.
And don't be a martyr. "I'm gonna walk away because I love her and she deserves better than me" is the worst crap way of thinking ever, trust me. Been there, done that. This same feeling will hit you each time you develop feelings for someone, so get rid of it.
If you are quite fat and think losing some weight is essential to find a proper date, doing just 30 min of exercise a day and avoiding oily and salty food for a week should help a great deal and inspire you to lose more. Good luck!
Btw, I have a crush on this girl from our college that is couple of years younger to me. We've each other's number and everything. Problem is, she is a good friend and chances of getting Brozoned (Indian for Friendzoned) in the near future seems very likely, if things keep going the way they're going. Another problem is, I might lose the respect she now has for me, and hamper the friendship too. But fuck it, I'm gonna ask her out one of these days and blow her senses away with the charisma of an internet smark!
Finally, if one or two women say no, it doesn't matter. It's not the end of your life. There are more women out there and not all matches are meant to fit. At least you will know the answer definitively. You don't wanna be the "what if..." guy.
Lowdown
Ooh baby I like it roooaaaaw!
I'm 350 plus pounds, and have been big most of my life. I was never a ladies man, but I did alright getting a shorty from time to time. Plus I'm married so I'm still doing alright. Have a few drinks and don't stress to much. If you wanna improve your physique, go for it. But it takes a lot more than that to boost your confidence. Spend some time with your boys at a bar or whatever you normally do. If you spot a chick you dig, talk it up.
Same here well except I'm not married yet but i do have a girlfriend. Sadly the thing is the only way to get good at talking to girls is to well talk to girls. All kinds of girls, even ones you wouldn't even remotely consider dating. Learn from it, learn what works and what doesn't work. As you gain more experience talking to girls you'll become a lot more confident approaching them. I will tell you one thing that doesn't work with any kind of girl though, putting yourself down. Girls don't want to be with a guy who is constantly whining about how unattractive he is or how he can't get a girlfriend. Girls don't want to be a around a guy who is always bummed. They're drawn to guys who are acting like they're having fun and enjoying themselves even without a girl around.
With a screenname like "boring" I have to ask why are you boring? If you believe your life is boring, do something about it. I dunno join the army or get a tattoo. Ok maybe not that extreme, but do different stuff than what you're doing now. Do things like travel to places you've never been to before or take up a new hobby like maybe karaoke, crossfit, or even building model trains. Anything is better than sitting around moping about how bad your life is. One of the things I like to do is try to watch at least one new movie every month. It doesn't have to be new as in it just came out to theaters, just new as in I've never seen it before. Also follow current pop culture and current events. You don't have to like everything new that comes out, just know enough about it to have an opinion and follow along when other people are talking about it. In addition to confidence, a large part of what goes in to talking to girls is having something interesting to talk about.
Mighty NorCal
SHALL WE BEGIN?
See this, this right here, what the fuck is this? What are we talking about here? Alchemy? Fuckin' smelting metals?
"talking to girls" isn't any different than talking to any other human being on earth. Just talk to them the same way as anyone else, because they aren't different than anyone else. Shit, in my experiences, the MORE attractive a girl is, the more intruiged she will be by....fucking imagine this....being treated like a normal human being.
One thing Dirty D did get right, was that NO ONE wants to be around someone just sitting around moping and putting themselves down all the time. That shit is a bummer.
I love alchemy! Clap your hands, shit changes.
But seriously, I've never had a confidence issue. I'm just quite hateful and quiet.
But seriously, I've never had a confidence issue. I'm just quite hateful and quiet.
Cena's Little Helper
Mid-Card Championship Winner
Yes, you should. For real, homey, with the rhyme you made in the thread title, I thought you were the fucking Bard resurrected.
Stone Cold Tea
Getting Noticed By Management
GHB my friend
Mr. Artistic guy
Better Off This Way
I dunno.
In my experience as a guy who knows exactly what you're talking about, people will usually answer telling you to 'be yourself' or magically 'gain confidence' or even go so far as to suggest that 'weight isn't an issue'. Be assured that these sorts of people probably have no fucking clue what you've been through and aren't qualified to give you good advice.
Confidence is like this mythical quality that some people seem to be hoarding away and storing until winter for hibernation and other don't know where to look. In reality, gaining confidence comes from learning to accept and like yourself. What you can try, is to note that things that your good at, like you're preparing for a job interview. List the qualities that you like about yourself, that you wouldn't change for the world, that mean that you couldn't imagine being someone else.
Then you need to face the issues that you have with yourself and try to categorize them into things that you can and can't change. And then try to tackle the things that you don't like about yourself starting low down on the scale. Say for instance, you don't like that you stay up too late or that you drink/smoke a bit too much. Try making a concerted effort to make a change to your approach, very slowly and gradually but assuredly. I always find that working things into an automatic routine works well for this.
Try to get something to the point where it's automatic. Set yourself parameters, maybe (for instance tell yourself that you're going to walk 20 minutes extra a day, or drop those packets of potato chips from the diet from 2 to 1 a day, whatever). Understand also, that you may deviate from the routine from time to time due to unavoidable circumstances, a bit of over-indulgence. That's fine, just try to compensate for it and get straight back into your routine as quickly as you can.
Once you have one point down to being all but automatic, add something a bit more. Cut out the chips altogether, or go for a run round the block each day instead. Step it up gradually.
Here's where the magic happens. Whilst this is happening, you'll begin to become impressed with your resolve if you can sustain your efforts over a period of time. You'll be surprised with achieving what you didn't think you could achieve previously and therein lies the source of the confidence. It'll help you to feel good about yourself mentally whilst at the same time you'll feel better physically. You'll be alleviating two sources or angst at the same time. Now you're healthier in all regards and better equipped to take on new challenges and new routines and tackle other, perhaps bigger, problems.
The whole thing is cyclical and the starting off and keeping things as a routine is the hardest part. Of course, there is a tendency to relapse also a further period in, like a dietary mid-life crisis. Don't lose your shit if you feel like your rate of progress is slowing down or if you hit a hitch somewhere along the way. Try to get back into routine and understand that you are human and far from infallible. This is the stage that has knocked me off a couple of times. To remedy yourself, just tell yourself that you're going to work twice as hard to get back on track and know that you can from experience.
Now that's the weight/bad tendencies/personal peeves. The women. On this subject, I am definitely no expert but as far as I'm concerned, the key to being successful in that game is just changing your perceptions with regards to how you view women or potential partners. Try to understand that men and women are less different than everybody wants to make out and that at our very core what both genders want is to appreciate the emotion of caring for someone and also to be cared for. It's amongst the most basic of human instincts and needs.
Also, another advantage about being your age and lady-hunting is that the perceived maturity gap of the sexes is slowly negated as you grow older. Also, if immature partners was ever an issue, that's almost a non-factor. You are much more likely to be valued for your unbarbed humour and interesting conversation than any other superficial nonsense like dress sense and mannerisms and the like. Not that I said more likely, and not solely. Once you have come to appreciate and value yourself, you value in your opinions and abilities in these regards will grow also. What you have to say has plenty of worth, as it does with anyone and if you regard it so, so it'll come across to anyone speaking to you. This is why confidence is a well-perceived aphrodisiac; if you can convince yourself that you are a worthy partner, it becomes a great deal easier to convince others also.
As that's mostly it. It's a process best undertaken very slowly. Don't expect the heavens to open and the 'love yourself' thunderbolt to imbue you with magical powers. A longer and more gradual change is usually one more likely to last also. And don't pretend that you should always be perfect, you want to try to come to accept that many of your faults are what define you as a person and aren't worth trying to change. Start the ball rolling and before you know it, if you have some faith in your capacity for change, you'll be very surprised by how well your faith in yourself will reward you.
In my experience as a guy who knows exactly what you're talking about, people will usually answer telling you to 'be yourself' or magically 'gain confidence' or even go so far as to suggest that 'weight isn't an issue'. Be assured that these sorts of people probably have no fucking clue what you've been through and aren't qualified to give you good advice.
Confidence is like this mythical quality that some people seem to be hoarding away and storing until winter for hibernation and other don't know where to look. In reality, gaining confidence comes from learning to accept and like yourself. What you can try, is to note that things that your good at, like you're preparing for a job interview. List the qualities that you like about yourself, that you wouldn't change for the world, that mean that you couldn't imagine being someone else.
Then you need to face the issues that you have with yourself and try to categorize them into things that you can and can't change. And then try to tackle the things that you don't like about yourself starting low down on the scale. Say for instance, you don't like that you stay up too late or that you drink/smoke a bit too much. Try making a concerted effort to make a change to your approach, very slowly and gradually but assuredly. I always find that working things into an automatic routine works well for this.
Try to get something to the point where it's automatic. Set yourself parameters, maybe (for instance tell yourself that you're going to walk 20 minutes extra a day, or drop those packets of potato chips from the diet from 2 to 1 a day, whatever). Understand also, that you may deviate from the routine from time to time due to unavoidable circumstances, a bit of over-indulgence. That's fine, just try to compensate for it and get straight back into your routine as quickly as you can.
Once you have one point down to being all but automatic, add something a bit more. Cut out the chips altogether, or go for a run round the block each day instead. Step it up gradually.
Here's where the magic happens. Whilst this is happening, you'll begin to become impressed with your resolve if you can sustain your efforts over a period of time. You'll be surprised with achieving what you didn't think you could achieve previously and therein lies the source of the confidence. It'll help you to feel good about yourself mentally whilst at the same time you'll feel better physically. You'll be alleviating two sources or angst at the same time. Now you're healthier in all regards and better equipped to take on new challenges and new routines and tackle other, perhaps bigger, problems.
The whole thing is cyclical and the starting off and keeping things as a routine is the hardest part. Of course, there is a tendency to relapse also a further period in, like a dietary mid-life crisis. Don't lose your shit if you feel like your rate of progress is slowing down or if you hit a hitch somewhere along the way. Try to get back into routine and understand that you are human and far from infallible. This is the stage that has knocked me off a couple of times. To remedy yourself, just tell yourself that you're going to work twice as hard to get back on track and know that you can from experience.
Now that's the weight/bad tendencies/personal peeves. The women. On this subject, I am definitely no expert but as far as I'm concerned, the key to being successful in that game is just changing your perceptions with regards to how you view women or potential partners. Try to understand that men and women are less different than everybody wants to make out and that at our very core what both genders want is to appreciate the emotion of caring for someone and also to be cared for. It's amongst the most basic of human instincts and needs.
Also, another advantage about being your age and lady-hunting is that the perceived maturity gap of the sexes is slowly negated as you grow older. Also, if immature partners was ever an issue, that's almost a non-factor. You are much more likely to be valued for your unbarbed humour and interesting conversation than any other superficial nonsense like dress sense and mannerisms and the like. Not that I said more likely, and not solely. Once you have come to appreciate and value yourself, you value in your opinions and abilities in these regards will grow also. What you have to say has plenty of worth, as it does with anyone and if you regard it so, so it'll come across to anyone speaking to you. This is why confidence is a well-perceived aphrodisiac; if you can convince yourself that you are a worthy partner, it becomes a great deal easier to convince others also.
As that's mostly it. It's a process best undertaken very slowly. Don't expect the heavens to open and the 'love yourself' thunderbolt to imbue you with magical powers. A longer and more gradual change is usually one more likely to last also. And don't pretend that you should always be perfect, you want to try to come to accept that many of your faults are what define you as a person and aren't worth trying to change. Start the ball rolling and before you know it, if you have some faith in your capacity for change, you'll be very surprised by how well your faith in yourself will reward you.
Nope, that's pretty much what cocaine does for you, as well as making you need a horrible shit the next day.
Which leads me on to my next point, dutch courage, try to avoid it if you can, nothing wrong with a few beers and elsewise, obvs, just don't become that guy that can only function after you've chemically altered your senses one way or another.
Mr. Artistic guy
Better Off This Way
Definitely. And trying to find that line to draw between empowerment and reliance can be difficult but be best to remain wary.