Wow, I'm a dick.
So just now after class I came across a fire-and-brimstone-preacher in the Quad telling us we were all going to Hell. The people there didn't seem to take to that message very well. He left to go do something, and I hopped up on his soapbox and started preaching like a black preacher, all flamboyantly, about grace and loving everyone. Security yelled at me to GTFO, so I did, but everyone applauded as I left.
I was eating Garden Tomato & Basil Lays the whole time and they were delicious.
Was his name Brother Jed by any chance?