Richard Blonoff
Make America Rassle Again
Deadline is Tuesday, September 11th, 11:59 PM EST
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Extensions available upon request
Meltdown 154: Titus vs. King Mussel
- Thread starter Richard Blonoff
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FlexAmerican Dynamite
WZCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
Flex Fact #500: In eighth grade I acted in a school play where I not only had to persevere through crippling diabetes but also recite the constitution in its entirety, and I still gave a better performance than any of Titus’ Oscar winning movies.
Flex: Feast your eyes upon….WASABI TOYOTA!!
The matsumoto mauler and former WZCW veteran Wasabi Toyota stands in the Flex Fitness Headquarters with his arms crossed looking intimidating as King Mussel looks to executive board for approval.
Executive #1: I’m...I’m not exactly sure what this is…
Flex: This….is WASABI TOYOTA!! Former WZCW tag team champion and legend! The new Flex Fitness “Head of Security!”. Aaaaannnnddd the first successful test subject of “Project Toyota”.
Executive #2: Yes you alluded to this a few weeks ago but failed to explain, what exactly is “Project Toyota”?
Flex: You may not be aware but Mr. Toyota here used to be upwards of 500 pounds. And through his own hard work and perseverance he lost all of that weight. However, due to poor treatment of its talent and general lack of leadership previous WZCW management allowed an amazing talent like Toyota to not only fall by the wayside, but become a gross and obese mess.
A slight frown develops on the face of Toyota until Flex moves his hand to his shoulder.
Flex: But save your woe and pity, for this man is a proud warrior, and with the help of Flex Fitness industries we turned an immobile jobless man into a lean, mean, peasant breaking machine. And through this workout process our brilliant science team came to some very interesting conclusions.
The bodybuilder tags in his personal assistant Maximus who begins to read off some statistics from her clipboard.
Maximus: After testing the DNA of Mr. Toyota we realized that homo-sapiens with execelerated weight gain can transfer their the carbs into concentrated energy.
Executive #2: Energy for what purposes?
Maximus: We have been testing a new and improved Flex Fitness Energy Drink that can prolong the need for consumption up to three days.
Executive #1: Has this been field tested?
Flex: I can tell you the results so far are quite positive.
Executive #1: Has this been field tested?!
Flex: I AM THE TEST AND I HAVE PASSED!
Executive #2: Are you crazy you’re testing this on yourself?!
Flex: My hands on approach is what sets me apart from these name only CEO panzees. I haven’t eaten in weeks and I feel fantastic.
Executive #2: Unfortunately we are going to need more test subjects than just you-
The executive stops his remark as Toyota grabs the desk separating the two groups and moves it away with one hand. He then puts his palm on the executive’s shoulder.
Toyota: Do you feel that weight? *Wasabi tightens his grip on the shoulder* Do you feel that strength? King Mussel gave me this strength just as he has given you and your corporate swine millions of dollars. If he says the test results are positive, then they are positive.
Executive #2: Ummm well….that’s all I needed to hear.
Executive #1: I agree, lets get it on the market in the next few weeks.
Wasabi lets go of the executive and the pair quickly exits the office as Flex laughs.
Flex: Very proud to have you on the team Wasabi.
Toyota: Very proud to be on the team my liege.
Maximus: Now that we have settled that there is a new matter we must discuss.
Flex: Oh we’ll get to Tit-
Maximus: Not him….you need to be made aware of what has occurred at a nearby Flex Fitness gym.
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Flex: TYRONE DID WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!?!?!?
The Commander and Cheif stands in a vandalized Flex Fitness gym as Hollow Ones graffiti is plastered over the walls. Trash litters the hallway as Tyrone Blade merch is seen draped across machines and the locker room. The King is utterly speechless as he sees one if his gyms completely dismembered. But that shock turns to anger once he sees that Tyrone’s name is on the Flex Fitness leaderboards.
Flex: MOTHERF@$##$%%##$# NO GOOD BI#$%## MONKEY GARGLING #$%$#
The bodybuilder continues his mindless swearing and belligerent nonsense as Toyota struggles to restrain him into a straight-jacket.
Maximus: I knew he wouldn’t react kindly to this but geez.
Flex: I’LL KILL HIM!! I’LL KILL THAT NI$%^$$%^%
Maximus: Can you please strap him in already?
Toyota: This is not an easy task. He does feed off my own energy after all.
Flex’s assistant becomes impatient and uses her own strength to force Flex down on the ground.
Maximus: Put it on him now!
A surprised Toyota quickly straps on the straightjacket to the King and puts him over his shoulder like a child during a temper tantrum.
Maximus: Good now, we must bring him back to headquarters or else he will be lost in his own psychosis.
Toyota: (Strange, the strength of this woman rivals both me and Flex, who is she?)
Maximus: Did you say something?
Toyota: No, not at all.
Maximus and Toyota continue to exit the vandalized gym as Flex continues to yell obscencities.
Toyota: (She can also seemingly read minds, must be careful.)
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Maximus proceeds to put a code into a keypad opening a dungeon like basement in the bottom of Flex Fitness headquarters. Toyota ushers a napping Flex (still in a straight jacket) into the dungeon and unstraps him from his restraints. Maximus then tickles him behind the ears and he slowly awakens to see his sister Maria, Grandpa Mussel (doing endless pushups while foaming at the mouth), and former best-friend Charles “Back to being the Cheesecake” Chesterfield all locked up in separate glass cages. Upon seeing Flex his sister immediately begins to pound on the glass with all her force.
Maria: You just going to leave us here to die?!!
A groggy Flex makes his way to his feet and begins to do calisthenics in order to fully awaken himself.
Flex: That’s Flexiglass Maria, you’re not getting out unless we let you, and we give you and Grandpa all that you need to survive during your imprisonment for treason.
Maria: You’re feeding us nothing but Flex Fitness processed milkshakes! And what about Charles? You’ve been force-feeding him junk food to the point that he’s even fatter than before! He’s immobile and barely conscious!
The Commander and Chief motions to Toyota and the two proceed to enter Charles’ cage and strap cords and cables to motionless blob that is now his former best friend. They connect the cables back himself as he turns to his sister.
Flex: I would never damage the Mussel bloodline, as much as I hate you Maria you may come in handy in the future should I to….extend the family tree…..Charles on the other hand has his use in other ways.
Maximus flips a switch and the barely conscious Charles begins to twitch as his body mass begins to be transferred into Flex. A sick smile develops on the face of Maximus as Charles’ fat is transfered into the King’s Mussel (the bodybuilder winks for the pun intended). Maria looks on disgusted as her brother finishes his science experiment and unhooks all of the cords and cables on himself.
Flex: It didn’t have to be like this Maria, but you all made an active choice to turn your back on the man who has improved your life ten fold, what the King gives, the King taketh away.
Maria: Well I hope the systematic torture of your family and friends is worth it Flex, have you won the World title? Or have you failed yet again?
Flex: I WILL NOT FAIL AGAIN! The WZCW World title will be mine, and you can bet when I win it I’ll be back down hear to let you marvel in my excellence.
Maria: Flex, I know you think you’re doing this because you want to, but someone is controlling you, Maximus is not who she says she is-
Maximus: ENOUGH! We’re on a schedule Flex.
Flex: Agreed, we’ll send down more shakes later, sweet dreams sis.
Flex and Toyota exit the basement and Maximus winks toward Maria as she closes the door behind her leaving the former Mussel associates in total darkness.
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Backstage Bob: Um, I don’t really know if I’m qualified for this.
The WZCW production assistant Backstage Bob can be seen in Flex Fitness headquarters behind a camera as Flex and Toyota can be seen in high class tailored suits.
Flex: Just do you what you were told! It doesn’t matter who is behind the camera. Everyone knows Hollywood is all about on camera talent, I learned that from film making legends such as Woody Allen and Harvey Weinstein.
Toyota: True Pioneers.
The Backstage Worker presses play on the record button and once the red light is scene The King begins his directorial debut.
Flex: Hi, I’m King Mussel, and first and foremost I’d like to thank you all for joining me in this all-inclusive documentary entitled: “Flex Fitness, for your health, not ours”. Joining me today is my close associate Mr. Wasabi Toyota.
Toyota waves to the camera but does not speak.
Flex: Most of you may be wondering who Mr. Toyota is, but it would be a waste of his time for him to explain his WZCW legacy. Instead, allow me to inform you about the Flex Fitness Foundation Fund. A charity started by myself to help obese individuals who might not have the financial means to afford our services. Through this charity I met Mr. Toyota and over the past few months we have bonded as I’ve rehabed him into the best shape of his life.
Toyota nods his head agreement before the two fist bump.
Flex: But how did a WZCW legend fall so far he couldn’t afford basic gym servies? Well to that I’d say Tyrone Blades happened, a selfish, smug, and disgusting individual who uses those around them until they have nothing left, and after being a subservient pawn in Tyrone’s sick game he was cast aside, until I gave him not only a purpose, but a new lease of life.
Toyota holds a thumbs up to the camera before Flex continues.
Flex: Tyrone Blades is a criminal who has vandalized my gym in order to put fear in the hearts of those who stand against his corruption of the youth. And while you may have thought “breaking my records” would somehow phase me Tyrone, the truth is I wasn’t even trying when those leader-boards were put up. So at a later date I will once again break records before I break you for the sake of FlexAmerican children across our great country. But until then there is a different person who stands in the way of true FlexAmerican values, and that’s Titus Avison.
Toyota lets out a loud booooooo as Flex begins to start curling golden trophies that look very similar to Oscars.
Flex: Now Titus you may be a world wide movie star but honestly, what have you done for the good of FlexAmerican citizens? They’ve sacrificed hard earned money to see your films but have you given back? Have you even dedicated funds to the #MeToo movement? How do you respond to allegations of harassment on the set of your latest film? How do you explain the pay gap between you and your female costar?
Toyota: Absolutely disgusting.
Flex: Now while Titus may be a despicable human being and an average actor he’s also one of the greatest WZCW legends of all time and one of the very best currently in the company. But to be be perfectly honest Titus things haven’t quite been the same since the EuraVison era has ended. Now we’re no strangers to each other, we’ve faced off plenty of times before but when I absolutely demolished in our last encounter I realized something that many might be afraid to say: You’re past your prime.
The bodybuilder stops curling the trophies as he and Toyota begin to take turns abdominally stretching each other.
Flex: Now I used to dub myself as a “Legend Killer”. But to say that I have plans to end your legacy would be just false, because the truth is it died at Kingdom Come, because you know what Titus? Towards the end of your reign is wasn’t you elevating the Eurasian Championship, it was the championship elevating you. Your entire identity was that championship and now that its gone you seem purposeless, no more day number who gives a fuck for you to brag about. But don’t let this incredibly accurate dissection of this current point in your career make you think I’m taking you lightly. I know you see this match as a opportunity to squirm your way back into the World title hunt, and I see this as another opportunity to prove that I’m better than all of WZCW’s old and established guard. I’m bringing new ideas to WZCW, I’m innovating and creating a better tomorrow for all of its fans and wrestlers, it may be seem self-indulgent to ignorant masses but I am a King doing what’s best for all my subjects, while you are just another greedy veteran only looking out for himself.
The pair stop stretching and Flex cracks his neck before looking directly into the camera.
Flex: So come Meltdown Titus we’re going to see if you age like fine whine and get better with time, or are you just cheap imported beer that has long been flat, because here in FlexAmerica we don’t take kindly to carbs and antioxidants. So everyone watching at home please visit your local Flex Fitness gym and don’t be a criminal like Tyrone Blades, a sleazy actor like Titus Avison, or even a forgettable waste like Eve Taylor, work hard to better yourselves and help me make this great country healthy again. Long Live FlexAmerica!!
Flex and Toyota deliver cheesy smiles towards the camera as Backstage Bob struggles to figure out how to turn off the recording.
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
A hotel room in Louisville, Kentucky. Titus Avison is sat down as his assistant, Rosie, enters the room.
Rosie: Right, let's get started.
Titus: Well I'm glad we Meltdown over Ascension this week.
Rosie: Why's that?
Titus: My old rival lives down Jacksonville way. From my Red Mask days.
Rosie: Who?
Titus: Florida-man!
Rosie laughs at Titus' joke.
Rosie: That was awful.
Titus: But true. So what have we got on today?
Rosie: Clooney.
Titus: What? If there's one person I hate more than Florida-man it's George Clooney. That smarmy so and so. He keeps going on about how he has two Oscars. Big fricking deal. I have five and my Dad and Aunt didn't get me a job. I had to fight for it.
Rosie: It's not George. You've got an interview with Nick Clooney.
Titus: Why would you not say Nick Clooney? He's just as bad. Assuming it's WZCW related?
Rosie: Yup. Don't worry I'll sort the TMZ out for you too, I've got the video ready. Head's up though there's a fair few of TMZ waiting at the outside the hotel.
Titus: Are they waiting at the back door? That's cool, I'll just head out the front.
And that he did, the five time Oscar winner left the hotel with a hoodie and sunglasses on. Everyone was waiting at the back. Idiots. He stepped into his limousine and headed to KBTV for the world exclusive interview.
The next shot is Titus Avison emerging from his changing room. Wearing a TMZ logo t-shirt with his hair slicked back in a pony tail. It's a strange sight to see him without a belt on his shoulder.
He is guided to his seat, opposite is Kentucky broadcasting legend Nick Clooney.
Nick Mr. Avison, nice to finally meet you. My son's mentioned you a few times.
Titus: Your son hates me because I'm more decorated than he is. We have different paths in life. We're both doing what we love. For him it's Batman with nipples, doing UN stuff and Oceans 17. For me it's WZCW.
Nick Well that's what I'm here to ask you about.
A voice can be heard off camera. 3...2...1!
Nick Good evening, I'm Nick Clooney. Tonight I have with me a special guest. You may know him for his multiple film roles but for a large portion of you he's one of the greatest wrestlers in the world. Please welcome Titus Avison!
Titus: Thanks Nick.
Nick So you are in town this week with WZCW. Your opponent is “King” Mussel. Tell me a bit about him.
Titus: I'll stick to calling him Flex. I'm sure in a place like Kentucky his FlexAmerica is going down well. Right?
There's a couple of cheers from the crowd.
Nick What is FlexAmerica?
Titus: The crowd seems to think FlexAmerica is for the people. To change the nation. Yet it's not. It's to make yourself moulded into what Flex wants you to be. He wants an America that looks like him. A shell of a man he used to be.
Yet with that and Cheesecake and Toyota and everyone else treating him like the “King” he claims to be. Running around with that fake belt and starving himself.
Nick He does have a world title match coming up.
Titus: That he does, he's ruthless in the ring. Let's not forget that. Heck he even beat me last cycle but at the end of the day, it's still a little fat kid with diabetes hiding under that exterior.
Just then the power cuts off, a murmur can be heard. Then on the screen appears the presidential seal.
The video takes over and there stands, behind a presidential lectern, Titus Avison. He is suited and wearing a red tie. Over his head is a chain-mail headpiece and he's wearing sunglasses.
Titus: My fellow FlexAmericans. Today is a great day. Before we carry on with that though.
Titus rips the sleeves off his suit jacket. Then the sleeves off his shirt jacket. Then he flexes his muscles, kiss his biceps and carries on.
Titus: You may think of me as your president. I am not, I am your King. Why am I your King you may ask? No one asked for it. If I was president I'd get so few votes that Jill Stein would make me look great. Sorry did I say that out loud? Time to distract you again.
This time he rips his shirt completely leaving his tie on. He, once again, kisses his muscles.
Titus: Yes today is a good day, why you may ask? Because this morning I woke up in my FlexAmerican bed, after being woken by my FlexAmerican alarm clock, I went to my FlexAmerican gym where I kissed my FlexAmerican biceps. I then got into my FlexAmerican car and was driven by my FlexAmerican driver to the FlexAmerican palace where I learnt that I will use my FlexAmerican powers to face off against the former might of EurAsia! This is FlexAmerica I believe in where we can destroy the EurAsian invaders.
He kisses his muscles again.
Titus: So please join in with me as we join the national anthem of FlexAmerica and chant for the Flex United States of America! The FU-SA!
The power comes back on to the studio as Nick Clooney, Titus Avison and the entire crowd stand up as the FlexAmerican national anthem is played. The crowd start chanting FU-SA! FU-SA! FU-SA! Then it happens.
Titus looks to Nick, looks to the crowd and smiles. He drops down on the ground. Titus Avison has taken a knee! Nick is outraged, he directs the cameraman to show the crowd. Then one by one the chants stop and people start dropping too. They're also taking a knee!
Titus: This is FlexAmerica!
Rosie: Right, let's get started.
Titus: Well I'm glad we Meltdown over Ascension this week.
Rosie: Why's that?
Titus: My old rival lives down Jacksonville way. From my Red Mask days.
Rosie: Who?
Titus: Florida-man!
Rosie laughs at Titus' joke.
Rosie: That was awful.
Titus: But true. So what have we got on today?
Rosie: Clooney.
Titus: What? If there's one person I hate more than Florida-man it's George Clooney. That smarmy so and so. He keeps going on about how he has two Oscars. Big fricking deal. I have five and my Dad and Aunt didn't get me a job. I had to fight for it.
Rosie: It's not George. You've got an interview with Nick Clooney.
Titus: Why would you not say Nick Clooney? He's just as bad. Assuming it's WZCW related?
Rosie: Yup. Don't worry I'll sort the TMZ out for you too, I've got the video ready. Head's up though there's a fair few of TMZ waiting at the outside the hotel.
Titus: Are they waiting at the back door? That's cool, I'll just head out the front.
And that he did, the five time Oscar winner left the hotel with a hoodie and sunglasses on. Everyone was waiting at the back. Idiots. He stepped into his limousine and headed to KBTV for the world exclusive interview.
The next shot is Titus Avison emerging from his changing room. Wearing a TMZ logo t-shirt with his hair slicked back in a pony tail. It's a strange sight to see him without a belt on his shoulder.
He is guided to his seat, opposite is Kentucky broadcasting legend Nick Clooney.
Nick Mr. Avison, nice to finally meet you. My son's mentioned you a few times.
Titus: Your son hates me because I'm more decorated than he is. We have different paths in life. We're both doing what we love. For him it's Batman with nipples, doing UN stuff and Oceans 17. For me it's WZCW.
Nick Well that's what I'm here to ask you about.
A voice can be heard off camera. 3...2...1!
Nick Good evening, I'm Nick Clooney. Tonight I have with me a special guest. You may know him for his multiple film roles but for a large portion of you he's one of the greatest wrestlers in the world. Please welcome Titus Avison!
Titus: Thanks Nick.
Nick So you are in town this week with WZCW. Your opponent is “King” Mussel. Tell me a bit about him.
Titus: I'll stick to calling him Flex. I'm sure in a place like Kentucky his FlexAmerica is going down well. Right?
There's a couple of cheers from the crowd.
Nick What is FlexAmerica?
Titus: The crowd seems to think FlexAmerica is for the people. To change the nation. Yet it's not. It's to make yourself moulded into what Flex wants you to be. He wants an America that looks like him. A shell of a man he used to be.
Yet with that and Cheesecake and Toyota and everyone else treating him like the “King” he claims to be. Running around with that fake belt and starving himself.
Nick He does have a world title match coming up.
Titus: That he does, he's ruthless in the ring. Let's not forget that. Heck he even beat me last cycle but at the end of the day, it's still a little fat kid with diabetes hiding under that exterior.
Just then the power cuts off, a murmur can be heard. Then on the screen appears the presidential seal.
The video takes over and there stands, behind a presidential lectern, Titus Avison. He is suited and wearing a red tie. Over his head is a chain-mail headpiece and he's wearing sunglasses.
Titus: My fellow FlexAmericans. Today is a great day. Before we carry on with that though.
Titus rips the sleeves off his suit jacket. Then the sleeves off his shirt jacket. Then he flexes his muscles, kiss his biceps and carries on.
Titus: You may think of me as your president. I am not, I am your King. Why am I your King you may ask? No one asked for it. If I was president I'd get so few votes that Jill Stein would make me look great. Sorry did I say that out loud? Time to distract you again.
This time he rips his shirt completely leaving his tie on. He, once again, kisses his muscles.
Titus: Yes today is a good day, why you may ask? Because this morning I woke up in my FlexAmerican bed, after being woken by my FlexAmerican alarm clock, I went to my FlexAmerican gym where I kissed my FlexAmerican biceps. I then got into my FlexAmerican car and was driven by my FlexAmerican driver to the FlexAmerican palace where I learnt that I will use my FlexAmerican powers to face off against the former might of EurAsia! This is FlexAmerica I believe in where we can destroy the EurAsian invaders.
He kisses his muscles again.
Titus: So please join in with me as we join the national anthem of FlexAmerica and chant for the Flex United States of America! The FU-SA!
The power comes back on to the studio as Nick Clooney, Titus Avison and the entire crowd stand up as the FlexAmerican national anthem is played. The crowd start chanting FU-SA! FU-SA! FU-SA! Then it happens.
Titus looks to Nick, looks to the crowd and smiles. He drops down on the ground. Titus Avison has taken a knee! Nick is outraged, he directs the cameraman to show the crowd. Then one by one the chants stop and people start dropping too. They're also taking a knee!
Titus: This is FlexAmerica!
- Status
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