Lee reviews movies he hasn't seen and still hasn't

Lee

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
First up Atonement 2007.

Apparently the film is in four parts. Great.

1937

There's something about a rich family and a house with lots of people in it. Keira knightley's the big sister. Keira Knightley is a babe, if you haven't seen the movie 'Hole' go see it, she gets her tits out in it.

There's some ginger 15 year old, Tasty should like this movie. There's some guy who owns a chocolate factory, I shall asssume it's willie wonka. Kiera Knightley's pissed off because Robbie (whoever he is) is allowed to come for dinner. Stroppy cow.

One of the sisters writes a play (she's 13, just like Margot Tenanbaum). According to wiki she witnesses sexual tensionbetween kiera knightley and robbie (the guy she hates) afgter Robbie drops a vase in a fountain and Kiera strips down to get it. I'll note that one in the future.

Apparently Robbie writes Keira a dirty letter but doesn't send it. Oh oh I'm sure she'll get it later. And he does, he gives it to the little sis to give to kiera. This some how leads to Kiera and him banging in the library. Must see this movie.

Some ginger twins go missing. Some bloke rapes the ginger. The sisters says she knows who did it. I think it was consensual and likely Tasty. No they think it was this Robbie fellow. He goes to jail.


1940

Basically RObbies at warbut then joins Kiera Knightley in London. This is start of WW2 remember. The littel sister is apparently now played by a different actress. I wiki-edher picture. Nice. There's one of those secret fiance sub plots and not a lot going on. This film is boring me, I'd fastforward if i was watching it.

Ginger lass marries Willie Wonka. It turns out it wasn't rape but consensual sex, and it was Willie Wonka who she had had sex with. Sounds like Eastenders here. Robbie and little sister argue.

Now it's 1999

Apparently Robbie died at war, Kiera Knightley went on to be hounded by Paps and appear in more pirates of the carribean movies. The littel sister wrote the book atonement apparently, it's now a movie. Seemed a bit shit.

I also am missing one of the four parts.

Oh well. So that was atonement, it seems like it's the sort of movie you'd watch with your girlfriend when you're actually thinking about Kiera. Aside from that it seems your typical war love movie. I don;t know how it received so many Oscar nominations. It was rather laborious to read the plot summary and seemed like either A) nothing happened or B) Far too much happened. I rate this movie a B-
 
I think it's called Hole. It's quite a good film too.
 
I need a shit movie to do, like american pie 29
 
no I haven't, that shall be in the radar.
 
Surf Nazis Must Die

and

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (the 90s one with Renée Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey)

Those two movies should provide you with some hearty laughter.
 
The Next Generation was AWESOME. Total fluff film and it knew it. I love movies that can make fun of themselves.
 
The Next Generation was AWESOME. Total fluff film and it knew it. I love movies that can make fun of themselves.

It's so bad that it's actually unbelievably entertaining. It's like eating acid and getting into a knife fight with a monkey. It doesn't make a lick of fucking sense but damnit if you aren't laughing and being thoroughly entertained.
 
the pointis I'm not actually watching the movies, just using trailers and wiki to sound like I have.
 
couldn't remember if it was Hole or The Hole. Thanks for correcting me
 
the newest American Pie (whichever number that is)

or

Alien vs Predator 2
 
Garfield 2: A tale of two kitties.

I liek the pun in the title, Razor will not. According to the trailer this seesm to be the prince and the pauper set in the UK. Remember Bill Murray won't do Ghostbusters 3 but will do Garfield 2?!

So lets start:
Garfield goes to London with Odie to surprise his master, Jon Arbuckle , who is in London to propose to his girlfriend, Dr. Liz Wilson. Garfield inadvertently switches places with Prince, a royal cat who has just inherited a castle. They both look exactly alike.

So a dog and a cat just DECIDE to go to another country to surprise Arbuckle. Somehow he swaps places with a royal cat. A ROYAL CAT? Seriously, haven't they heard of Corgis?

In the grand estate Garfield now calls home, he receives the royal treatment, including a butler and an international array of four-legged servants and followers.

One assumes this means loads of OTT accents including a french poodle.

Lord Dargis, who's next in line to inherit the estate, wants Prince out of the picture.

Great We've not had this storyline a billion times. What did prince ever do to Billy COnnolly?Maybe he doesn't like purple rain?

Basically what happens next is a lot of shenanigans using a rottweiler (vinnie jones). I imagine this is similar to the tricks in Home Alone 1,2, 3 and maybe 4.

What happens next sounds confusaing but Arbuckle find out and then they swap Garfield back with prince who then meet each other. I wonder what the prince was doing with Jon? One assumes not liking lasagne.
Odie and Jon end up saving the day. Smithee alerts the authorities and Dargis is arrested.

I dunno whi SMithee is and now I just realised that Billy Connolly is a real man, not an animal. Unless they arrested an animal.

This movie seems shit.
 

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