I Did Shots Of Mike's Hard Lemonade Last Night

D

Dr. Stinger A. Zoidberg

Stay in school and don't litter.
14 shots on Thanksgiving. Granted, the bottle was like 4 months old. It's just like having sex with a prostitute. Good at first, but you pay the price later. Mike's is the only alcoholic beverage that I will drink.
 
Sure it does Crock, just think back to high school parties. The preppy girls that were drinking it sure got drunk enough to annoy the living shit out of me by asking for some of my weed every 30 seconds.
 
Ty Burna said:
Sure it does Crock, just think back to high school parties. The preppy girls that were drinking it sure got drunk enough to annoy the living shit out of me by asking for some of my weed every 30 seconds.
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Don't remind me Ty. My favorite were the ones that got shitfaced halfway through a beer, they got naked half an hour later, an hour after that they'd be passed out on a lawn.
 
Mike's Hard is I believe 5% alcohol. Most Light Beers are about 4%. Basically you had the equivalent of MAYBE 2 Bud Lights.

EDIT: Never mind, you just made it known you had about 1 beer. Fantastic.
 
The Big Black Crock said:
Don't remind me Ty. My favorite were the ones that got shitfaced halfway through a beer, they got naked half an hour later, an hour after that they'd be passed out on a lawn.
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Well it doesn't help they weigh like 60 lbs soaking wet. I've seen something similar to this twice, and one was some serious shit at first.

First situation was my ex's cousin was in town, and she was a twig, damn near literally. She took one shot of vodka and was sloppy drunk. That wasn't fun in the least.

The second time started off as a serious situation then became almost comical. This chic was drinking Hot 100 and just downing it. Again she could not have weight more than 80 lbs, and she was in the lake. So we had to take care of her all day, and out of nowhere she looks at me and says: Jesus is that you? (Mind you I had my glorious long hair and rocking a beard CM Punk would be proud of). So everyone plays off this and she starts asking me if I forgive her etc etc. Finally the kicker comes and she starts rubbing my arm and says: Jesus have you been working out?

Yeah so to finish this story quickly they put me in charge of taking care of her, and she was all over Jesus like an Evangelist having a religious epiphany.
 
I missed another great part to that story. After the working out comment, later on she suddenly blurts out: Jesus is hot, I'd fuck Jesus.
 
Ty Burna said:
Well it doesn't help they weigh like 60 lbs soaking wet. I've seen something similar to this twice, and one was some serious shit at first.

First situation was my ex's cousin was in town, and she was a twig, damn near literally. She took one shot of vodka and was sloppy drunk. That wasn't fun in the least.

The second time started off as a serious situation then became almost comical. This chic was drinking Hot 100 and just downing it. Again she could not have weight more than 80 lbs, and she was in the lake. So we had to take care of her all day, and out of nowhere she looks at me and says: Jesus is that you? (Mind you I had my glorious long hair and rocking a beard CM Punk would be proud of). So everyone plays off this and she starts asking me if I forgive her etc etc. Finally the kicker comes and she starts rubbing my arm and says: Jesus have you been working out?

Yeah so to finish this story quickly they put me in charge of taking care of her, and she was all over Jesus like an Evangelist having a religious epiphany.
Click to expand...

I've gotten a lot more tolerant since I've been in college. A lot more. Although like 2 months back I got drunk in like half an hour because I hadn't eaten all day and drank a lot. But yeah, I can generally hold a lot.

I saw a total drugged out ho-bag drunk out of her mind while I was out a while back. She got arrested because she offered to suck a police officer's dick for another beer. So funny.
 
I once witnessed a drunk guy piss on a police officer. I saw him a few weeks later at the gym I worked at and he was sporting a nice police ankle monitor.
 
The Big Black Crock said:
I've gotten a lot more tolerant since I've been in college. A lot more. Although like 2 months back I got drunk in like half an hour because I hadn't eaten all day and drank a lot. But yeah, I can generally hold a lot.

I saw a total drugged out ho-bag drunk out of her mind while I was out a while back. She got arrested because she offered to suck a police officer's dick for another beer. So funny.
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Ah yes college, my freshman year I had a hilarious story (hilarious that it involved me not getting laid but I digress). So needless to say I am fucking gone already. I was partying in my dorm hall and someone gave me muscle relaxers while we're chasing Everclear drinks down. I have the random idea to go walk down University Drive. Now at this point I don't remember leaving my dorm, I don't remember the long ass walk to the frat houses, all I remember is randomly walking up to one, my friend Steve sitting in a hot tub and him inviting me to come chill. I took all my possessions out of my pocket minus my cigarettes, and once I jump in some fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii (3 minutes later) iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine ass chic walks up wearing what one could consider a bikini with a major lack of material and hops in. Now I will put this disclaimer in, it was 2 days before my 18th birthday, and that will be a major part of this story.

Getting back to it, she hops in and looks at me and tells me I can rub her anywhere she wants. So I'm massaging her everywhere that I possibly could in my moment of clarity, which quickly lapses. She leans into me and asks old I am. Now rather than simply say I'm 18, I say I'm 17. She quickly moves away from me and says that I could get her into trouble. I try to salvage what game was left after I demolished it, and say it's my birthday in 2 days. Notta, she gets up close to my friend so I say fuck it and get out, grab my stuff and notice my cigarettes in my pocket are now completely drenched. Clearly this night went from awesome to holy hell did I fuck up. Not only could I have hooked up with this chic not 5 days into my first college year, but now I have no cigarettes. At least my friend gave me his pack so I could walk back down the street muttering under my breath while smoking and holding my wet socks.
 
I have one with a slightly better outcome, Ty.

This Spring, right after my 18th birthday, like a few days after, my friends and we went to party at the University of Utah (Where we all go now) because there was a huge party going on. So, we're absolutely gone. I mean shiiiiiiiiiiiitfaced, but I'm still fairly ok, thinking alright, able to make decent decisions and such. So, eventually, we're at a sorority and they have weed, but I don't want any because I was already too far gone, anyway we decide that we should go chill on this cool looking hill that overlooks downtown Utah. So we get there and we all split off with our chicks and I found the most attractive one, my friends don't get any, no luck, these chicks are too "modest" (ha, ****es) and me and my chick are getting kind of... "frisky", and stuff happens and I get a blowjob and we're going to head back so we can get to the rest of it and me and my group of guys end up splitting off into another party with another group of chicks. These girls were veerrrry easy though, good looking too. GREAT NIGHT.
 
I've had a few nights like that, but what always killed me was when female friends who never gave me the time of day or ever showed any interest suddenly text me at 3 am saying they need sex, and that they've always wanted to hook up with me blah blah blah blah. I always felt slightly disrespected by that, but not nearly enough to not drag myself out of bed and make my way over to their place.
 
The Big Black Crock said:
The only time I ever said no to that call was to my ex girlfriend.... While I was screwing her best friend.
Click to expand...

Good times indeed. I'm just tryin to sort out how the fuck my homie is now going out with my crazy stalkerish ex.

It truly blows my mind. I always knew him as a smart ladies man.
 
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