Can someone lend me advice for a minute

[a7xoff]

Normally I don't ask people about stuff like this, but I'm at a dead end here... Ok so my g/f is moving about 10 miles away. No big deal in my opinion. However she is really scared that I'm going to break up with her because of it. I've tried telling her that I'm not going to (I plan to marry her). It just seems that whatever I say to her is not really sinking in the way I want it to... Some of it is misinterpreted etc... a lil assistance if anyone has any? Thanks

 

[klunderbunker]

Best thing I can tell you is that actions speak louder than words. Once she's gone, visit her as often as you can. Does she know how serious you are about her? Keep telin her everything you've told her already and act on it. I think that'd work better than anythign. Hope that helps.

 

[a7xoff]

Yah... that's what I plan on doing. I mean really it's not a big deal to me, I don't do good with distance relationships, but she's going to be going to the same school as me and she lives all of 5 minutes from there... your right though actions do speak louder than words. I think once she's there and I prove it it'll all be ok, I just rather her stay happy now than get all stressed ya know?

 

[klunderbunker]

Yeah most important thing is to keep stress off of her. No need for her to have to deal with somethign that doesn't even exist.

 

[Freedom 35]

keep it pimpin my cracka

thats all the advice I have for now

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Normally I don't ask people about stuff like this, but I'm at a dead end here... Ok so my g/f is moving about 10 miles away. No big deal in my opinion. However she is really scared that I'm going to break up with her because of it. I've tried telling her that I'm not going to (I plan to marry her). It just seems that whatever I say to her is not really sinking in the way I want it to... Some of it is misinterpreted etc... a lil assistance if anyone has any? Thanks

I think Klunder pretty much said it best, sometimes actions speak louder than words. It seems pretty obvious that shes dead-set in her mind that you're gonna break-up with her because of the distance, so the best thing you could do is show her how dedicated you are to going to visit her.

The only forseeable problem is if shes the type that runs when she feels trouble, she could attempt ending the relationship thinking you're gonna do it first. So I would definately sit her down, and talk with her about ALL of this. Ask why shes so dead-set on thinking you'd break-up with her over distance? Especially 10 miles. (which to my knowledge is roughly a 10 min drive)

If I were you, I'd definately throw it out there that in some big city's, some couples live the entire length of the city apart and sometimes that could be a 20 minute difference depending on how huge the city is. I think if you explained to her in detail that you're very sure and very confident it'd work, she should calm down.

One more thing, you mentioned wanting to marry her. How old are you, how old is she? How long have you been together, and does she even remotely know you feel that dedicated to her already?

 

[Father:_Polley]

i live over an hour away from my fiancee when she's at home, and in a different country when she's at university. distance of 10 miles is no big deal to a relationship, if anything it'll show her that you care enough to go further to see her. just keep reassuring her, some people have tendancy to worry about stuff like that more than others, just keep talking to her and tell her how much she means to you.

 

[Derf]

Man, 10 miles? I used to bike over 50 miles just to see my girlfriend, and we were together for two years! If your both in the same school, then that should be plenty good right there. Distance don't mean anything, especially a mere 10 miles. You could walk that on a good day.

One more thing, you mentioned wanting to marry her. How old are you, how old is she? How long have you been together, and does she even remotely know you feel that dedicated to her already?

I too would like to know the answer to this. I firmly believe that getting engaged while in school is uturly stupid, because almost all high school relationships don't last. But thats just me.

 

[HBK-aholic]

10 miles is nothing, seriously. And hopefully she'll realise that when you still act the same with her.
Oh, and you can get engaged when you want. If it feels right, do it. It's not just high school relationships that don't last, how many relationships have you had that haven't? Truth is age means nothing, and if they feel ready to get engaged, and later married, they should do that.

 

[Derf]

10 miles is nothing, seriously. And hopefully she'll realise that when you still act the same with her.
Oh, and you can get engaged when you want. If it feels right, do it. It's not just high school relationships that don't last, how many relationships have you had that haven't? Truth is age means nothing, and if they feel ready to get engaged, and later married, they should do that.

True, it's not only High School relationships that don't last. Older people break up as well. Hell, me and my girlfriend broke up last night. But what I'm saying, is look at it the other way. Not who breaks up at what age, but how many people stay together is tose age groups. When your older, you stay together longer. I don't know much about anywheres else, but some people where I'm from think love is as simple as dating, and therefor, they're in "love" with a different person every week. What I want to know is, have you been with your girlfriend for a few months, maybe over a year, or has it only been about 2 weeks and you just really like her?

 

[Father:_Polley]

depends on the person i guess. i got engaged to my fiancee when she was still in skool. ok, she was almost finished but ppl still thought i was crazy. my dad had to go lie down for a while when i told him and we didn't speak for about a wk because of it.

the thing is though, we're still together and it's hard being apart, but we both feel it's right that we're going to stay together

 

[Slyfox696]

10 miles? This girl is complaining about ten miles? Good god, I think 10 miles is the SHORTEST distance that I've dated someone.

I'd dump her. She obviously has emotional and commitment issues and anyone who is that terrified of their relationship obviously isn't the person for you.

I'd say dump her and find someone else. You know, someone normal and with a shred of self-esteem.

 

[Luther_Hull]

If she expects you to have a bit on the side, have a bit on the side.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

10 miles? This girl is complaining about ten miles? Good god, I think 10 miles is the SHORTEST distance that I've dated someone.

I'd dump her. She obviously has emotional and commitment issues and anyone who is that terrified of their relationship obviously isn't the person for you.

I'd say dump her and find someone else. You know, someone normal and with a shred of self-esteem.

While I wouldn't say dump her, Sly does provide a great point. When I read that you said she was upset you'd instantly leave her just because of 10 miles it sent the instant thought to my head to ask how secure your relationship was to begin with.

If she thinks you're gonna break up because shes moving across town, or slightly out of town, then it doesn't seem shes confident that your relationship together is very strong.

Which is also then why I asked if she even had the slightest clue about how much you care for her. Since you said you wanted to marry her.

Regarding what Derf said, I don't agree with the noone from school relationships stay together. Its give and take and random at best. Some high school relationships work, some don't. I knew a couple that remained together from the time they knew each other from 2nd fricken grade. The only two years ago broke up. But the fact that they literally claimed to "date" in 2nd grade, and went throughout school then on "dating" says a tremendous amount.

Furthermore, as far as age goes its also give and take. Some people under the age of 20 aren't very mature at all.. but then again, some people above 20 aren't any more mature. I've seen men (and women) in their 40's who still think they have no need to "settle down" and they go on dates with different people all the time, because they love the single life.

 

[jpfizzle]

just say to her...

When I wake up well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with youIf I get drunk well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to youBut I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles
To fall down at your doorWhen I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work I'll do
I'll pass almost every penny on to youWhen I come home oh I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with youBut I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles
To fall down at your doorna na na, na na na
na na na, na na na
lika lika lika lika lika la
na na na, na na na
na na na, na na na

 

[Mighty NorCal]

10 miles is nothing. Thats like a regular distance for two people to live from each other. for goodness sakes. Ive never had a GF I lived THAT close to before come to think of it. If she is flippin over that distance, she is a weirdo

 

[bambam]

Yeah 10 miles is nothing... I live 30 miles from my current GF, and were both fine. The only thing you can do is just keep telling her it will be fine and be there for her.

How old is she? If ur 19, and she is like 15 and can't drive, tell her you will go to her all the time. If she is 18-19 and can drive and has her own car, I dunno... back hand her?

Just tell her everything is going to be ok, and like KB and Will have said, just visit her a little more then usual the first couple of months.

 

[Slyfox696]

While I wouldn't say dump her, Sly does provide a great point. When I read that you said she was upset you'd instantly leave her just because of 10 miles it sent the instant thought to my head to ask how secure your relationship was to begin with.

If she thinks you're gonna break up because shes moving across town, or slightly out of town, then it doesn't seem shes confident that your relationship together is very strong.

Which is also then why I asked if she even had the slightest clue about how much you care for her. Since you said you wanted to marry her.

Regarding what Derf said, I don't agree with the noone from school relationships stay together. Its give and take and random at best. Some high school relationships work, some don't. I knew a couple that remained together from the time they knew each other from 2nd fricken grade. The only two years ago broke up. But the fact that they literally claimed to "date" in 2nd grade, and went throughout school then on "dating" says a tremendous amount.

Furthermore, as far as age goes its also give and take. Some people under the age of 20 aren't very mature at all.. but then again, some people above 20 aren't any more mature. I've seen men (and women) in their 40's who still think they have no need to "settle down" and they go on dates with different people all the time, because they love the single life.

I think you and I need to start our own advice column.

You give the person the safe play, and try everything you can to make them happy, and I give the advice that is realistic and logical.

 

[Lil Wes]

Fuck's sake Will. Enough with the love books.

 

[a7xoff]

While I wouldn't say dump her, Sly does provide a great point. When I read that you said she was upset you'd instantly leave her just because of 10 miles it sent the instant thought to my head to ask how secure your relationship was to begin with.

If she thinks you're gonna break up because shes moving across town, or slightly out of town, then it doesn't seem shes confident that your relationship together is very strong.

Which is also then why I asked if she even had the slightest clue about how much you care for her. Since you said you wanted to marry her.

Regarding what Derf said, I don't agree with the noone from school relationships stay together. Its give and take and random at best. Some high school relationships work, some don't. I knew a couple that remained together from the time they knew each other from 2nd fricken grade. The only two years ago broke up. But the fact that they literally claimed to "date" in 2nd grade, and went throughout school then on "dating" says a tremendous amount.

Furthermore, as far as age goes its also give and take. Some people under the age of 20 aren't very mature at all.. but then again, some people above 20 aren't any more mature. I've seen men (and women) in their 40's who still think they have no need to "settle down" and they go on dates with different people all the time, because they love the single life.

I do kind of understand where she's coming from though. I went out with this girl before and my ex completley ruined it by putting a bunch of bullshit into her head. We were only going out for like a week and it wasn't like either of us were 100% trusting one another. We've been going out for nearly a year now, and it's really the same shit again. My ex causin her all sorts of grief. She's handeling it much better this time though... At least I'm still with her which says something there. I do wanna kick my ex in the teeth, but that's besides the point.... Ahh Hell... Thanks for the advice though everyone

 

[RBH]

10 miles is definately nothing...if u ever come to California...u will see that so many ppl are in relationships all over the LA/OC/San Francisco area.....that spans about 300 miles.....I almost got into a relationship with a girl who lives an hour away (she was in a relationship therefore I could not pursue a relationship)....so pretty much the distance is not the problem...its her fears that are the problem.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

just say to her...

When I wake up well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with youIf I get drunk well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to youBut I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles
To fall down at your doorWhen I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work I'll do
I'll pass almost every penny on to youWhen I come home oh I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with youBut I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles
To fall down at your doorna na na, na na na
na na na, na na na
lika lika lika lika lika la
na na na, na na na
na na na, na na na

This song will get you laid & married all in one, if you actually play it on guitar and sing it to her. Especially if distance is whats causing you problems!

I think you and I need to start our own advice column.

You give the person the safe play, and try everything you can to make them happy, and I give the advice that is realistic and logical.

Its not exactly that I try to give them the "happy" advice, although I do tend to try giving them advice that would help them to not be miserable. And regarding the safe advice, nothing is truly safe regarding relationships. Its touch and go.

But I agree, a partnership in advice could be awesome. It allows the person to have two different opinions.

Fuck's sake Will. Enough with the love books.

Geez Wes, I'm sorry the routine of pulling your dick out and saying "sorry it isn't bigger, I promise it'll be better" doesn't work with everyone. Fuck man, how hard is it to skip a "book" if you don't like it.

I do kind of understand where she's coming from though. I went out with this girl before and my ex completley ruined it by putting a bunch of bullshit into her head. We were only going out for like a week and it wasn't like either of us were 100% trusting one another. We've been going out for nearly a year now, and it's really the same shit again. My ex causin her all sorts of grief. She's handeling it much better this time though... At least I'm still with her which says something there. I do wanna kick my ex in the teeth, but that's besides the point.... Ahh Hell... Thanks for the advice though everyone

The bolded parts are all I really clued in on to see you have bigger issues than Distance. First, what the hell is your current girlfriend doing talking, or especially listening to your ex? Short of them being friends.. which even at that point is a red flag, she shouldn't be listening to anything your ex has to say about you, especially bad, because whos to say she isn't clearly feeding her head full of shit.

Second, you've been together a year now, and your girlfriend is STILL unsure on whether everything is fine? 10 miles was one thing, but a year together and suddenly a hop, skip and a jump away is gonna destroy a year long relationship? Sounds like she isn't being honest with you on something. It seems that her mind is playing tricks with her over losing you, because of something more than distance.

And if it IS distance, then I'm unclear on this girl to begin with simply because if she can't trust you to remain with her over that "long" of a distance.. then whats gonna happen if you two ever fight over something major?

I question highly if shes been in other relationships in which shes been heavily scarred and hurt, because it seems like shes pushing all these small no-nothing problems into major situations and fearing losing you. She definately needs some reassurance from you that you aren't going anywhere, and this even further proves to me you need to show her something along the lines of what you've told us.. in that you really wanna marry her.

EDIT: I'm not saying tell her you wanna marry her though! I mean show her you're dedicated and you love her.

Furthermore, don't just suddenly start going to her as often as you can for the first few monthes to prove you will, then slowly going less and less. If you do that, she'll only further build that complex in her head that you really are slowly falling away from her. I say go as much as you normally would, but just show your dedication to her, nothing too out of the norm.. just be yourself.

 

[Father:_Polley]

i'd say call your ex, remind her of the fact you're not together and politely tell her to stop being an interfering bitch and stop trying to ruin your life because you really seem to like this girl.

but the best thing you can do is ask why she's so scared of losing you over something as small as a 15 minute drive. and tell her you really like her and want to spend a lot more time with her (mention marriage if you're sure she wont freak/tell you she never wants to marry). just reassure the girl of how you feel

 

[TheOneBigWill]

i'd say call your ex, remind her of the fact you're not together and politely tell her to stop being an interfering bitch and stop trying to ruin your life because you really seem to like this girl.

Politely? Fuck that. The conversation needs to go a little something like..

Bitch, what the fuck are you doing? We're over (I left you/you left me) move the fuck on! I fail to understand why you think you have any say in the matter regarding telling my girlfriend some bogus crock of shit.

If you continue to interfere in my life, I'm gonna have your psycho ass locked up for stalking. Now quit feeding my new girlfriend your fantasy stories and go find someone else to fucking make miserable.

 

[Father:_Polley]

Politely? Fuck that. The conversation needs to go a little something like..

Bitch, what the fuck are you doing? We're over (I left you/you left me) move the fuck on! I fail to understand why you think you have any say in the matter regarding telling my girlfriend some bogus crock of shit.

If you continue to interfere in my life, I'm gonna have your psycho ass locked up for stalking. Now quit feeding my new girlfriend your fantasy stories and go find someone else to fucking make miserable.

i was hoping someone would go with what i'm to nice to say. the politely was somewhat sarcastic.