Worried my girlfriend is not over ex's

[Why Always Me]

I have been with my girlfriend for about ten months, living together for about the last 4.

Recently when we were clearing the spare room out I found pictures of her ex husband from her wedding and honeymoon. I wasn't too pleased and whilst I didn't say to her throw them out she did get rid of them shortly after.

Last night she was on the phone to her mum and referred to me by her ex boyfriends name. I didn't say anything at the time because she isn't feeling too well but this morning I told her I wasn't happy. She apologised but was quite dismissive about it due to her not being well, which I can understand.

Am I right to feel a bit unhappy that she has kept pictures of her ex husband and referred to me by her ex boyfriends name?

 

[.]

Set her on fire.

 

[¡Roján!]

Drive a lawn mower over her face.

 

[Sparky]

Dude, She was married. it wasn't just a boyfriend girlfriend thing.

 

[Lee]

Dude, She was married. it wasn't just a boyfriend girlfriend thing.

This.

 

[Loveless]

Recently when we were clearing the spare room out I found pictures of her ex husband from her wedding and honeymoon. I wasn't too pleased and whilst I didn't say to her throw them out she did get rid of them shortly after.

She got rid of them without you even asking, essentially trashing something important to her that can never be replaced. You're being paranoid.

 

[Lee]

She got rid of them without you even asking, essentially trashing something important to her that can never be replaced. You're being paranoid.

Again this.

What people forget about wedding pictures is it's a lot more than the ex and her but it also will have her family together. I don't know about you but the only time all our family is together is weddings/funerals.

Pictures are important.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

There's no way in hell your girlfriend is over her ex-husband or at least the idea of her first marriage. She still probably has feelings of guilt, regret and failure since marriage has this ideal of being something sacred. It's not easy for her to move on from that idea no matter how strong she feels about you. If you want to stick with it and make it work, you are just going to have to give it time.

But I get the feeling that you may be done with her regardless.

 

[Why Always Me]

Ok - the marriage thing I take on board, what about calling me by her ex boyfriends name last night when on the phone to her mum?

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

Again this.

What people forget about wedding pictures is it's a lot more than the ex and her but it also will have her family together. I don't know about you but the only time all our family is together is weddings/funerals.

Pictures are important.

It's a sad state of affairs. It also sucks when you aren't able to get to one or the other due to whatever reason.


As for the name thing, there's a few possibilities. If you and her ex have similar names, genuine slip of the tongue due to the recent viewing of the wedding pictures coupled with her not feeling well.
Honestly, the examples you've given don't sound like anything to worry about, but the most important person to speak to about this is your girlfriend, not any of us.

 

[Lee]

Maybe her mam's gone senile and think you're called by that name so yoru gf refers to you to her mother by that name as it's either that or weeping in the corner.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

Ok - the marriage thing I take on board, what about calling me by her ex boyfriends name last night when on the phone to her mum?

I know a lot of people who have slips of the tounge pretty regularly. It doesn't necessarily mean anything. If you are that bothered by it, it may say more about your feelings for her than her feelings about you or her ex-boyfriend.

My wife once called me by my dad's name. That was weird but I didn't let it destroy my feelings for her.

As we get older, we generally get more mature but we collect baggage. Sounds like your girlfriend has some baggage. Either you have to care enough for her and be mature enough to handle the baggage or you need to let her go.

 

[justinsayne]

Ok - the marriage thing I take on board, what about calling me by her ex boyfriends name last night when on the phone to her mum?

First off, stop ease dropping on her phone calls

Second, she had a life before you, it involved he being in seriously relationships with others guys. She's going to remember them, and occasionally she may even say their names by mistake.

Thirdly, you said she wasn't feeling well, perhaps she wasn't thinking as clearly as she would had she been healthy, ever think of that?

Dude, bottom line she's not with her ex's she's with you. If she wanted to be with them she never would've left them, & she more than likely wouldn't have ever started a relationship with you. Cut the girl a break, you keep getting on her for silly shit like this & you'll be her next ex. I mean shit, it's not like she's screaming their names out when you're fucking or anything.

 

[Serious Mozzarella]

She was married. You've been with her for 10 months.

Math.

 

[Miko]

My wife once called me by my dad's name. That was weird but I didn't let it destroy my feelings for her.

It wasnt during sex was it?

 

[George Steele's Barber]

Negatory

 

[Fizzy]

Based on the examples given, it seems your girlfriend is much better off than most are after a divorce. I mean, wedding pictures are usually cherished by the entire family and for her to throw them out without you even asking proves that she's loyal to you. As for the name thing, it's a slip of the tongue, neither of these raise any red flags. If you're still paranoid about it, talk to her. If she doesn't open up, suggest counseling if you feel it's needed. There really isn't anything to worry about.

 

[Miko]

Negatory

Thats lucky, although its worse when you call her by her dads name. During sex.

 

[Charlesworth]

Don't be insecure - girls hate that. They're just pictures, that you found while cleaning out a room. It's not like you caught her fudding herself to them.

 

[The Big Gunnzbowski]

Ok. I don't even know where to start...

The pictures were found while cleaning out a room, not sitting on the mantle or on shelves for all to see. I still have pictures laying around from over 10 years ago of my ex. Do I still care? No, just too lazy to search em all out and throw them away.

My question to you is, how long was she married? How long had she been divorced when you met, and how long after meeting did you move in together?

It is not unusual to be talking about somebody and then accidentally call somebody by their name. It is quite common.

As far as the whole "should you be worried" thing?

No.

Unless you keep pressing the issue. Remember that her ex is her ex for a reason and if you allow stupid insecurities to get in the way of everything else, there's no reason why you couldn't be her next ex.

I agree that I do not see any red flags with what has happened, so let it go.

As Ralphie May said, "Son, you can be right or you can be happy. You can't be both!"

 

[Tastycles]

My ex-girlfriend (not the ginger one) referred to her current boyfriend by my name to his face in front of me last night. Nobody cared, it was a slip of the tongue.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

My ex-girlfriend (not the ginger one) referred to her current boyfriend by my name to his face in front of me last night. Nobody cared, it was a slip of the tongue.

While I agree with what you are saying 100%, I'd still be high-fiving my penis if something like this happened to me.

 

[Tastycles]

While I agree with what you are saying 100%, I'd still be high-fiving my penis if something like this happened to me.

I know what you mean.

 

[NoBloodEra]

Since I am still young and immature I can totally understand your problem. My ex said her ex's name while having sex with me. It took me a while to get over it, but I did. The reason for her being my ex is a completely different reason. Sometimes you got to understand "brainfarts" happen. Think about the last time you called your girl or called her by your ex's name to your friends. It happens and you just have to get over it.

 

[Shotaro]

I did exactly what your girlfriend did the other day, talking to my mum on the phone and refered to my goddamn fiancee by the name of a girl I broke up with ten years ago!

I laughed, my mum laughed, I told my fiance about it and she laughed. Shit like that is funny as long as people don't think OMG they're cheating on me. Maybe the real problem is that YOU don't trust her and you're looking for reasons not to. You've been living together for four fucking months. If you already don't trust her you're fucked.