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Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Survivor Series is back on the schedule. Sweet as it never should have left.
Monday Night Raw
Date: June 7, 2010
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Hosts: Cast of A-Team
It’s Viewer’s Choice tonight so we get three hours and both brands. That’s always fun if nothing else. Norcal and I have begged for this to be a TV special instead of a PPV like Taboo Tuesday or Cyber Sunday for the better part of ever so we’re both happy here. Let’s get to it.
We open with Bret and Teddy Long in the ring, talking about tonight’s show. Bret wants to talk about Orton. Of course that means cue Orton with his arm in a sling. He wants Edge tonight and if he doesn’t get him he’ll go find him. So if he doesn’t get him he’ll go get him? Yeah….that makes sense. Edge of course comes out and that’s the Viewer’s Choice main event. Oh in case I forgot, tonight is Viewer’s Choice. The options are a debate, a sit up contest, or an arm behind the back match.
Now it’s time to have our first actual vote which is for Jericho vs. Show. The options are Over the Rope Challenge, Submission Match and Body Slam Challenge. It’s one of those shows I guess.
Striker has the results. He’s actually good in a roll like this.
Over the Rope Challenge: 11%
Submission Match: 41%
Body Slam Challenge: 48%
Big Show vs. Chris Jericho
To be fair, there are at least two options that were possible there so that’s better than nothing. Show pulls Jericho up from the floor to the ring BY THE HAIR. FREAKING OW MAN. Jericho works on the arm for no apparent reason. He then tries a cross body and Show ends it easily. He throws on the Colossal Clutch and Jericho taps. And of course he throws him over the top too. That’s kind of funny I guess.
Up next the Hart Dynasty vs. YOUR PICK. It’s either the Usos, the Dudebusters or Khali and Horny. That….could actually go a few ways.
Usos: 36%
Dudebusters: 10%
Great Khali/Hornswoggle: 54%
NO FREAKING WAY this is legit. NO WAY.
Hart Dynasty vs. Great Khali/Hornswoggle
I’m fairly sure this is non-title. Khali and Kidd start us off as for one of the first times, Natalya looks great to me. Tadpole Splash misses thank goodness. Horny gets pinned in like 8 seconds. Oh this was stupid. The Usos run out and get beaten up for the first time. The Harts needed that one.
Lawler says something is wrong and leaves. Ok then.
We recap the Taker is dead thing which is at least elevating Kane for once.
The guest hosts come out and there’s just one of them. He says there’s a great show coming. Ok then.
Lawler is in the back and the other two guest hosts in fake mustaches are in character and say that Lawler wanted to hire them. SOMEONE STOLE HIS CROWN! They leave and run into the Bellas who they refuse to break character for. This is actually working for me.
Santino Marella vs. Vladimir Kozlov
The choices are Match, Arm Wrestling or Dance-Off. Hmm I wonder what’s going to win.
Match: 9%
Arm Wrestling: 7%
Dance-Off: 84%
Oh did you expect it to be anything else? Santino says he used to be a Backstreet Boy. Santino’s isn’t that funny or special. Kozlov does something similar to a robot. He’s actually not terrible. Ok this is sort of funny. Ok it’s VERY funny. They dance a bit afterwards and Santino gets slammed. Find a video of Kozlov dancing. It had me dying of laughter.
The Divas are in the back and they’re going to have a match next. The choices are 6 on 6 tag, Battle Royal or Champion vs. Champion. Wow those are actual wrestling matches.
Lawler is back.
6 on 6 Tag: 11%
Battle Royal: 73%
Champion vs. Champion: 16%
Divas Battle Royal
Again, I can live with this. Also it’s only 8:56 so we should step it up a bit soon enough. There isn’t much you can say here. Ah apparently going through the ropes counts too. Rosa is out. Tiffany is put out by Laycool. The same goes for Kelly. Gail hits a SWEET hurricanrana as nothing of note is going on. Gail and Alicia who have a match on Superstars are both out as are the Bellas. Laycool vs. Eve and Maryse are the final four. Make that Maryse, Eve and Jillian who I didn’t notice at all. Eve is out which is surprising. Jillian says they can be co-winners but Maryse throws her out. Boring but the girls looked good so there we are.
Sheamus and Kane have a staredown in the back. I’d like to watch that. He accuses Sheamus with some bad acting. Kane says he hopes to see him real soon.
WHO SHOULD SHEAMUS FACE? Kane, Mark Henry or Evan Bourne. HMM! I wonder who it’ll be!!!
Kane: 88%
Mark Henry: 3%
Evan Bourne: 9%
Sheamus vs. Kane
Yeah this works. I love big men fighting. Sheamus beats him up for awhile. We take a break. Sheamus is still beating him up. Kane starts beating him up for awhile. Chokeslam is blocked twice, Sheamus takes over again. Seriously that’s all that’s happened and it’s taken nearly 8 minutes. Chokeslam hits but Sheamus rolls to the floor and he just takes the count out. Eh that makes sense I guess and Kane looked very strong here.
Edge vs. Orton in the behind the back thing.
Cena vs. Swagger, Mysterio or Punk later. That actually could be any of them.
We look at Wade Barrett who is indeed the best guy for that show. And here’s Wade Barrett. He’s asked what it’s like to win NXT. He says you wouldn’t ask a genius about passing a grade school exam. GREAT LINE. He says in one week he’s going to do something that’s never been accomplished before.
DiBiase and Virgil are in the back. I never get over saying that. The A-Team guys are here and accuse DiBiase of taking the crown. IRS IS HERE, WEARING THE CROWN! Apparently the crown was taken for not paying back taxes. There’s a gas attack and the heels wear masks while the faces are out cold. Ok then.
Miz and Truth have a tag match next and you get to pick their partners. Here are the options.
R-Truth: Christian, MVP, John Morrison
Miz: Zach Ryder, Dolph Ziggler, William Regal
R-Truth/??? Vs. The Miz/???
A REALLY annoying fan keeps chanting MVP for Truth’s partner.
Christian: 29%
MVP: 17%
John Morrison: 54%
That’s rather telling, and THANK YOU for not being MVP.
Dolph Ziggler: 38%
William Regal: 17%
Zach Ryder: 45%
Well he has the best music I guess. Weird team if nothing else. Morrison is back as he hits all of his big kicks, but in a rather short match, Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale (GREAT one too as Morrison’s head just bounced off the mat) on Morrison to get the pin. He signals that he wants the belt back. Liking the young four guys being out there.
Bret and Edge talk for a bit in the back and Kane accuses Bret of attacking Taker. Interesting little thing: Taker has NEVER beaten Bret clean.
Edge vs. Randy Orton
Remember that Edge will have an arm behind his back. Edge’s left arm is behind his back but Orton’s right arm is in a sling. Ok then. After about a minute Edge pulls the rope off and stomps on Orton’s arm. This gets the DQ. He goes for a spear but Orton gets a kick up to block it. Edge gets a chair and hits Orton in the arm with it.
Cena and Bourne are talking in the back. Savannah comes up and asks Cena how he feels about he main event tonight. He says his life has been hectic and tonight the people make the pick and its their opinions that matter the most. The crowd is rather pro-Cena to say the least.
The A-Team guy wakes up…and MEAN FREAKING GENE IS WITH HIM! Gene makes fun of Josh Matthews who is right behind him.
Drew McIntyre vs. ???
The options are:
Yoshi Tatsu: 4%
Goldust: 8%
Mystery Opponent (does Matt Hardy poses): 88%
And it’s….actually Matt Hardy???? WOW. Drew says the match isn’t happening because of the suspension. Teddy comes out and says that he’s suspended from Smackdown, not Raw. Matt punches the hell out of him and never lets up. I like this angle actually. You can’t beat an old fashioned grudge match.
Drew misses a charge and hits the post which POPS. Twist of Fate ends this clean in like 90 seconds. Post match he slams Drew’s head into the mat and keeps beating the hell out of him. Matt pulls some of his hair out. This was impressive for Hardy.
BA Baracus (Rampage Jackson) is in the back tied up and Virgil, IRS and DiBiase say they’re taking him to the ring. I like this actually.
Back from break and we’re in the ring. DiBiase says that he has a price, including him. Apparently someone wants BA…and it’s……RODDY PIPER??? What the hell? HUGE Roddy chant. Oh that’s right Piper feuded with Mr. T. WAY back in the day. Piper has a hat on for no apparent reason. He’s pissed off because he doesn’t want more hype over the A-Team again.
He says it’s time for a fight and here’s the other A-Team guy along with Mean Gene and Dusty Rhodes on a golf cart. Jackson breaks the handcuffs and it’s on! Jackson can actually fight of course so this is a massive beatdown. Dusty thinks he’s Murdoch from A-Team and plugs the movie……IF YOU WILL. This worked in the weirdest way you can possibly imagine, but it did in fact work. Oh and Lawler gets the crown back.
Next week’s host is the star of Royal Pains which Big Show is guest starring on soon. See what happens when you have RELEVANT hosts?
Josh is with the three options for Cena’s opponent. Rey says to be the top dog, you have to go after the top dog. Yeah that’s not at all like To be the man you’ve gotta beat the man. Swagger says it should be champion vs. champion. Punk just makes fun of Matthews and asks why Cena should get to fight Punk.
Here’s Cena and it’s only twenty minutes until eleven. That’s a good sign of a long match.
Jack Swagger: 23%
Rey Mysterio: 32%
CM Punk: 45%
John Cena vs. CM Punk
As a Punk fan, this works. Immediately Cena goes for the mask as you would expect. Punk is wearing camo tights. That’s just odd. The fans pop for Cena like a cherry but then chant you can’t wrestle. Odd crowd. Gallows cheats to get us to even and we go to a break. We come back and Cena starts taking over and goes for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle….and here’s Wade Barrett.
Then all 7 other rookies show up and beat the hell out of the SES. Then they all get in the ring….and beat the hell out of Cena. What is going on here. AND THEY THEY BEAT UP STRIKER! AND LAWLER! Cole, of course, runs. This is actually really cool. They turn over the announce tables and are all wreaking havoc. Security gets beaten up and they punch the announcer. They’re tearing the mat off the ring.
Justin Roberts is getting choked out by Bryan. They’re destroying the arena. The ropes are torn up. Now they’re back to Cena. The ropes are literally falling apart, you can see the wood that is under the ring mat and they’re all clotheslining Cena. Punk even tries to fight them and he gets beaten down. This is AWESOME by the way. Danielson yells at Cena that he’s better than Cena and spits in his face.
Barrett hits his finisher on Cena, Gabriel hits the 450 on him. They’re all heel here in case you didn’t get the idea. They leave with Punk and Gallows out cold on the floor. This was original NWO level of insanity and one of the coolest endings to a Raw I’ve seen in forever. Also with there being 8 of them, that’s one hell of a force to fight off. Cena goes out on a stretcher but does the thumbs up as he leaves.
Results
Big Show b. Chris Jericho in a Body Slam Challenge
Hart Dynasty b. Great Khali/Hornswoggle – Kidd pins Hornswoggle after a missed splash
Maryse won a Battle Royal
Kane b. Sheamus – Count Out
The Miz/Zach Ryder b. John Morrison/R-Truth – Skull Crushing Finale to Morrison
Randy Orton b. Edge via DQ – Edge untied his arm
Matt Hardy b. Drew McIntyre – Twist of Fate
John Cena vs. CM Punk went to a no contest – NXT Rookies interference
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.1 overall and 3.3 for the normal timeslot so it’s a bit hard to tell what it really was.
NXT
Date: June 8, 2010
Location: St. Petersburg’s Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Michael Cole
It’s the season premiere tonight so it’s likely just a way to get the guys established a bit and associated with their pros. Also, we’ll get the fallout from last night’s epic Raw. Let’s get to it.
Theme song is the same.
Striker is in the ring and introduces the Pros and Rookies.
The Miz – Alex Riley
Riley is a jock character so kind of like Swagger and Nowitski in a way. For you old school fans, think Varsity Club.
John Morrison – Eli Cottonwood
Eli is a freaking giant and allegedly a bit insane. He looked….a bit out there. He has NO physique to speak of.
Cody Rhodes – Husky Harris
He’s the less talented of the Rotundo (IRS’ son) Brothers. He's rather fat. That’s all I’ve got.
Team Laycool – Kaval
This should be good if nothing else as Kaval is more commonly known as Low Ki. DAMN Laycool looks incredible tonight.
Mark Henry – Lucky Cannon
Uh he wears green. That’s all I’ve got.
Kofi Kingston – Michael McGillicutty
It’s Joe Hennig, Curt’s son. He’s AWESOME, but has a dumb as hell name.
MVP – Percy Watson
Watson is very uh….flamboyant. Yeah let’s go with that.
Zach Ryder – Titus O’Neil
Think Ahmed Johnson in purple tights. There you go. Ok I’ll give it to him: Ryder’s theme is addictive as hell.
The fans have 50% of the power tonight. I think I like that. The season is 12 weeks long rather than I think 16 like last time. THANK YOU! First Pro’s Poll is in 3 weeks and first elimination is in 6 weeks. We get a big brawl before things even start. Morrison hangs away from it which is smart.
Back from break we talk about last night a bit more but without anything definitive. I’ll be waiting for that later.
Eli Cottonwood/John Morrison vs. Zach Ryder/Titus O’Neil
The pros start and almost immediately it’s rookie vs. rookie. Cottonwood is indeed freaking huge. These guys are both monsters and you know Vince is dying here over their looks. Morrison comes in and O’Neil has something close to a fit on the floor. To say they’re green as possible would be an understatement.
Cottonwood puts on the worst headlock I’ve ever seen. However I should preface this by saying I would definitely believe they’ve been told to not use all their best stuff so early. Cottonwood kicks Ryder and Starship Pain ends O‘Neil. Post match the fans are asked what they think of Cottonwood which gets a very limited reaction. Miz says they failed.
Cole continues being a total dick. There’s something going on here.
We hear from Riley in one of those promos that are actually really good at introducing the characters. Riley is VERY cocky and it’s working quite well. He can talk if nothing else.
Cody Rhodes/Husky Harris vs. Percy Watson/MVP
Watson actually wrestles in his glasses. Ok then. Cole points out that Rhodes’ rookie is the son of Mike Rotundo who got beaten up by Rhodes’ father last night. So it’s old vs. old and new with new. Yeah Cole just made my head hurt. Watson and Rhodes start. If Watson can wrestle even decently he’ll be a star with his look and charisma. Harris is fat. Like VERY fat.
Ah good he’s not in there long so we get more Rhodes. Somehow he’s the best option. We come back from a break and MVP still hasn’t been in. The rookies botch the hell out of something as Harris goes for a senton back splash but Watson rolls the wrong way so in other words Watson rolled into it instead of away. MVP comes in and Ballin hits on the fat man. Watcon comes back in and hits a nice jumping spinning DDT for the pin.
I’m not huge on him but he’s got a decent finisher. Post match the rookies argue with Rhodes running his mouth. He doesn’t like Harris and I can’t blame him. MVP says he’s proud of Watson for getting himself out of trouble. That’s true.
We get a profile on Hennig as I’m not going to call him that other name. He looks and acts JUST like his dad and it’s working like a charm. This guy is awesome and he was in FCW. I’m sold.
The Rookies and the Pros are having a major staredown but we’re going to look at the end of last night’s show. Apparently we’re just going to reair it. That works. Cole running like a coward is still great. This feels like a gang riot which is what it’s supposed to be entirely. I missed this last night but they beat up FINK!
There goes Robert’s shirt. That’s just a great visual. Otunga had a box cutter or something. There are people chanting ring the bell. Really? This is somewhat clipped for the sake of time. I didn’t notice Lawler being under the tables last night.
We ask the rookies about last night. Kaval says that’s how you make a statement. Cannon says they were cowards but they made a statement. Harris says he doesn’t care because he’s here to win and that’s it. Striker is shorter than all of these people. Riley sneezes twice because he’s allergic to Striker. Watson says it should have been one on one instead of a beatdown. Cottonwood says Cena deserved it.
That was intimidating. O’Neil says Season One should try that on one of the Season Two rookies and then calls out Ryder. This was odd. Hennig tells everyone to answer the question. Damn his look is awesome….and Striker cuts him off. The pros are worried about an attack or something….so they beat the hell out of the rookies. As in their own rookies. Cole calls it an initiation and the pros posing ends it.
Results
John Morrison/Eli Cottonwood b. Titus O’Neil/Zach Ryder – Starship Pain to O’Neil
MVP/Percy Watson b. Husky Harris/Cody Rhodes – Floatover DDT to Harris
Wednesday
NXT got a 1.1.
At an FCW show, the NXT gang beat down Miz and Christian. Cool.
Thursday
Impact
Date: June 10, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay
Episode Title: A Flair for the Dramatics
We open with a recap of Anderson vs. Hardy. I really hope this doesn’t end with a terrible heel turn for Anderson. We also see the AJ/Flair/Lethal/Kaz thing which could be awesome if Flair being so important didn’t matter as much.
Angle wrestles tonight.
We open in the arena with AJ, Wolfe, Kazarian and Beer Money. Are they like the bad Horsemen or something? Flair isn’t here tonight so AJ is running things for them tonight. There’s an 8 man tag tonight but AJ sees a problem here: there are five of them. He mentions there were four Beatles, the Fantastic Four (and a lesser known team known as the Fantastic Five) and Four HORSEMEN. Oh dear.
He says there’s no problem though because Kaz is out so there we are. And here’s Jay Lethal coming out to Flair’s music. Again to be fair, his imitation of Flair is freaking amazing. Lethal cracks me up for awhile and introduces his team. First off is Abyss, who is against Wolfe in a Monster’s Ball match Sunday. We get further implications that Abyss rapes Chelsea. Anderson is the third man and why do I think the fourth is Hardy?
Apparently Abyss counts as two guys, but we’re going to do this right now. Lethal does a great dive over the ropes to take out Kaz and AJ. Lethal takes a low blow and the faces are in trouble. Oh look it’s Hardy coming through the crowd to surprise Wolfe. Ok having Wolfe go to the ramp to wait for him at least makes sense. Jeff clears the ring other than the other faces.
Kendrick says a bunch of weird things where he was likely on coke or something like that. Apparently the X Title is sans qualifications. Other than being signed to a TNA contract and being a trained pro wrestler and qualifying for a title shot and being able to win the title.
Brian Kendrick vs. Homicide
Let the smarks loose! Doug Williams comes out to look at the match. And Kendrick is getting his ass kicked. Sure why not. Williams has the annoying British voice going which is great. Kendrick makes his comeback and it lasts about 4 seconds. Williams says he is the walrus as Kendrick is being massacred three days before his title match. Makes perfect sense right?
Williams is wearing a British Invasion shirt which hasn’t been a stable in months now. Ah Kendrick is getting more offense. That’s always nice to throw a jobber a bone like that. And so much for that theory. Homicide chokes Kendrick with his tape so I’m guessing Kendrick is supposed to get sympathy here or something?
We go to the ramp where Homicide almost gets his head slammed into the ramp a bunch of times. Homicide finds a tool box and has a screwdriver. And Kendrick kicks him in the face for a pin. This could be a working definition of a clusterfuck.
Oh look: another random brawl in the back, this time with Bubba and Neal.
Ink Inc. is in the ring after a break. And here’s Team 3D. They deny being behind the card attacks, which Jordan had done three weeks ago but we’re just supposed to forget that. My bet is on Pope in a heel turn which no one would care about nor would it make sense but whatever.
Neal says he doesn’t understand Ray freaking out like he has been. Ray says Neal owes Ray everything because he was just a failure. Is this supposed to be a big grudge match or something? D-Von is a puppet according to Neal. They tease Bubba vs. D-Von. PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN. Bubba hits Jesse and runs.
And now we’re going to show the Jarrett vs. Sting deal from Sacrifice. Uh, point? For those that haven’t heard what happened, go check my Sacrifice review as I recapped it in full there. In short, Sting beat the living hell out of Jeff Jarrett and messed up his shoulder really badly. We’ve now spent five minutes just reairing this. Make that 8 minutes. Hogan came out to stop Sting and PLEASE tell me that’s not what this is leading to: Hogan vs. Sting.
Also, Hogan coming out to save one of his wrestlers from a beatdown is perfectly fine. That’s something perfectly acceptable for him to do and I have no problem with it because it fits his role and doesn’t seem like he’s just out there for the sake of being on camera.
Jarrett is going to confront Sting next…while he’s in Tennessee.
Morgan and Bischoff and his girl are talking as Morgan wants to know his partner. Instead of having the tag title match at the PPV we get it right now. Morgan is scared of his partner. Or is he excited? Maybe it’s a stomach bug? I’m not entirely sure.
We come back to hear Jarrett say he’ll get Sting soon while we see highlights of the full thing we just saw. That makes perfect sense. Oh and make sure that Hogan gets praised too.
Tag Titles: Matt Morgan/??? Vs. The Band
Second match in 55 minutes. That makes sense. And here’s Hogan to make the announcement of the partner. Again, nothing wrong with an authority figure making an authority based decision/announcement. Of course it’s Hernandez. Hogan messes up and points to his right as in Hernandez is there but Hernandez is actually on the other side. That was actually pretty funny. Hogan does commentary here which is VERY rare as they say.
Hernandez beats the hell out of Morgan in what is supposed to be a tag title match, so I guess the match hasn’t started yet. Hogan is putting Hernandez open huge so I’m happy there. Hogan makes the one on one match at Slammiversary. Morgan takes a stretcher ride and I guess there’s no match? Ok so one match in 61 minutes so far. That makes sense. Wait here comes the Band. When did Nash get those tattoos? Young covers him for the pin. Sure why not. We’ll call it a match to be nice and to give me something to make fun of later. So…does the Band have actual matches anymore? They never tagged into the fourway a week or whatever ago did they?
RVD talks about the match on Sunday with Sting and that Sting is going to have to come get the title. It’s a generic promo for a reason as Sting jumps him and chokes him out. He steals the belt and leaves. Nothing wrong with an old tactic like that to get some heat.
Angle is here and says he’s challenging the best X Division wrestler in the world to a match tonight to prepare for Kaz on Sunday.
Kurt Angle vs. Amazing Red
This makes perfect sense and I’m actually not being sarcastic on that front. Red busts out some nice flying spots and the fans are liking it. Not that that means much but still. Red botches a rana and Angle’s head gets slammed into the mat. And the Angle Slam ends the carnage. This was fast paced and good though.
Sting has the belt and puts the word DECEPTION on it. Any bets on how long before we get an explanation? I’ll set the starting mark and never and put bets on never ever.
Come see our house shows since our TV or PPVs make no money at all.
We get a video package about the history of TNA. To be fair that’s a big deal as it’s longer than ECW was around. I wouldn’t have bet on them being around this long. It’s called the hottest PPV of the summer this year. So is there a fall and spring hottest PPV of the year? It turns into a build up for the PPV segment. Did I mention we’ve had 11 minutes of wrestling, including the Band thing which I’m counting as a full minute to be VERY nice as it was about 5 seconds and we’re an hour and a half into the show?
RVD is looking for Sting.
Holy shit it’s a match!
AJ Styles/Desmond Wolfe/Beer Money vs. Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy/Abyss/Jay Lethal
Ok a long main event and I’ll declare this a passable show. Chelsea is with Abyss of course and at least it’s Hardy’s music and not Hogan’s. Hardy looks like he has a sock wrapped around his face. So is there a reason Chelsea doesn’t just run away during an Abyss match?
Lethal and Roode start and Lethal hits the Tajiri springboard elbow. It’s your standard main event tag match with Hardy getting beaten down for the most part. I do like the Beer Money signature thing but it needs to take less time. Lethal gets the hot tag and Jeff is magically ok after a ten minute beatdown.
Everyone beats on everone and Wolfe shouts at Chelsea to give him a chair. Of course she doesn’t do it because it lets Abyss nail Wolfe since she likes him now I guess. Styles Clashon Lethal ends it. Main event goes 10 minutes, giving us a total of 21 minutes of wrestling so far.
Sting is still waiting on RVD.
Sting jumps RVD as you would expect him to do and we get a big brawl in the back. RVD kicks Sting in the ribs while Sting is wearing the belt. Sting sells it anyway. So we’re in the ring now and we’re likely to end the show on a 7 minute brawl. Sure why not. Van Dam’s face is RED.
Taz makes sure to point out that they’re not giving away the world title match three days before the show. Well good to know they’re not doing that this month. He throws the belt on Van Dam and says it’s deception because it’s his until Sunday.
Results
Brian Kendrick b. Homicide – Boot to the face
The Band b. Matt Morgan/Hernandez – Young pinned Morgan after Hernandez turned on him
Kurt Angle b. Amazing Red – Angle Slam
AJ Styles/Desmond Wolfe/Beer Money b. Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy/Abyss/Jay Lethal – Styles Clash to Lethal
Friday
Allegedly Bryan Danielson has been release from WWE due to choking Justin Roberts with his tie. If that’s legit, WWE is freaking idiotic. Meltzer has said it’s both legit and not legit so there we are. I personally don’t buy it as the timing is way too close but whatever. We’ll see on Raw I guess.
Impact got a 1.0
Smackdown
Date: June 11, 2010
Location: St. Petersburg’s Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker
We open with a video about the Undertaker. I’m looking forward to this story as it’s likely going to go on for months since Taker is out 8-12 weeks while recovering from his surgery. Everyone denies being the person doing it but he beats them up anyway.
Damn WWE has some great theme songs.
Show vs. Punk and Rey vs. Swagger tonight.
Rey Mysterio vs. Jack Swagger
Rey has a mic and says that if he wins at the PPV then it’s the people’s title, not his. Swagger comes out and says he’s built for success. Rey makes fun of his lisp which is hardly there anymore. The size difference between these two is hilarious. Why does Rey constantly talk about how great the 619 is when it’s not even his finishing move? You didn’t hear Hogan talking about the big boot or Austin talking about kicking someone in the ribs.
Punk and the SES come out and he says that he was a target of an assassination attempt. Thirty six people tried to jump them apparently. This could be funny. Punk talks about becoming a 4 time Straightedge World Champion. Punk says he’s already beaten Punk once and he should take the mask off. Aren’t we supposed to have a match or something like that? And here’s Big Show since we haven’t had enough chatting yet.
He talks about how Swagger has issues, Rey is fine with the mask because of his heritage, but Punk needs to have his taken off. Show says he’ll do it tonight, and we get a red light over everything. Kane talks about how he’s going to find who is responsible. What’s he going to do to them? Lay down so they can pin him? This is one of those so over the top it’s great promos.
We go to a commercial and when we’re back at 8:22, the bell rings and the match begins! Apparently this is their first meeting and the Show/Punk match will be the first match between them also. Swagger got a 1510 on his SATs. I think I got 1380 but I’m not sure. That’ll be a trivia question later. Rey dominates early on and hits the 619 and springboard splash but Swagger’s foot is on the rope and we get another commercial.
Back and Swagger slides Rey under the ropes face first and his head almost slammed into the barricade. Fatal Fourway is no DQ. Good to know. Swagger busts out the Angle running up the turnbuckles belly to belly for two. We get the THIRD commercial in 30 minutes. Are you serious? Back again and Swagger is bending Rey around the post which would hurt like hell. Mysterio is in the Tree of Woe which Striker calls the Porcupine Tree.
What is he on because I want some of it. 619 hits the ribs and the next one hits the face. A springboard legdrop pins Swagger AGAIN. How many clean losses has he had on TV now? 5? Kane comes out and chokeslams both guys after Swagger jumps Mysterio.
Layla vs. Tiffany
Kaval is with them here and he looks like a Power Ranger reject. We have to wait awhile before we find out who Layla is fighting but whatever. Layla is sickened by the people in Tampa even though Michelle is from here and her parents are here. I love this gimmick actually and while it’s stolen from the Beautiful People, they do it better and can actually wrestle a decent match.
So are we just supposed to forget about her being ECW GM? Damn Kelly’s boobs are epic. Tiffany is the most improved Diva in WWE? Striker….you fail. There is no way that line is acceptable. Layla hits her neckbreaker to get the win.
And now we’re reairing the beatdown from Raw. Sure why not. It’s still awesome by the way.
We get a clip of Dolph beating up Christian from three weeks ago because of Horny being annoying or something.
Christian vs. Dolph Ziggler
Apparently there was a handicap match on Superstars. I need to watch that show. Vickie comes out with new hair to introduce Ziggler. Vickie was bearable around Mania, but I don’t get why Ziggler needs Vickie to get heat. Christian is in control early on hitting that running springboard dive that he does very well. Back from break and Christian is in trouble. Who would have seen that coming?
And here comes YOUR Canadian. This feels a big rushed but not that bad. Ziggler hits a Fameasser for two. I love that Pendulum Kick. I like it better when it actually hits. The jumping elbow smash is one of my favorites though. Christian rams him into the turnbuckle to escape the sleeper and a sunset flip out of the corner ends it. And here are Hawkins and Archer to beat up Christian as they search for an Impact. Try Thursdays at 9. Ziggler hooks a sleeper after the match and hugs Vickie.
Kane I guess holds a funeral for Taker. Either that or he has a crush on a casket and can’t find a state where they can be married and have little Katie Vicks. Well she lived in a casket so maybe there’s a connection there. He says whoever did this will pay. Instead can we just bring him a blender?
Drew McIntyre is here and he looks awesomely evil in a suit. He demands that Teddy come out. Or maybe he wants the chicken. You can never tell with accents like that. He tells Teddy to look at the screen and we see the last two shows worth of Matt Hardy vs. Drew stuff. That was still just a bit strange having Matt destroy him like that but whatever. He’s suspended from all programming according to Vince.
Drew knocks Teddy’s mic out of his hands and says he has news for him. Kofi comes out as he’s about to say it. Kofi says he’s tired of Drew complaining all the time. Kofi talks about being a man and then hits him in the head and this Trouble in Paradise. No answer on what the bad news for Teddy was.
Teddy is on the phone trying to get in touch with Vince. Drew comes up and says next week he and Teddy have a match. If Teddy tries to get out of it he’s fired. Isn’t he eligible for Social Security yet or something?
Big Show vs. CM Punk
Striker says that Long has never been an in ring competitor. Of course this is incorrect but whatever. This is another first time matchup which is always cool. Punk kicks him a lot and Show just growls at him. Time for another break which should be the last one. Show is freaking scary. He truly is.
He goes for the mask but it doesn’t work. Show slaps his back instead which works fine I suppose. Show chokes him down and goes for the mask so the SES runs in for the save of course. After a short beatdown, Kane comes down and beats up everyone.
Results
Rey Mysterio b. Jack Swagger – Springboard Legdrop
Layla b. Tiffany – Reverse Neckbreaker
Christian b. Dolph Ziggler – Sunset Flip off the Middle Rope
Big Show b. CM Punk via DQ – SES interference
Survivor Series is back on the schedule. Sweet as it never should have left.
Monday Night Raw
Date: June 7, 2010
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Hosts: Cast of A-Team
It’s Viewer’s Choice tonight so we get three hours and both brands. That’s always fun if nothing else. Norcal and I have begged for this to be a TV special instead of a PPV like Taboo Tuesday or Cyber Sunday for the better part of ever so we’re both happy here. Let’s get to it.
We open with Bret and Teddy Long in the ring, talking about tonight’s show. Bret wants to talk about Orton. Of course that means cue Orton with his arm in a sling. He wants Edge tonight and if he doesn’t get him he’ll go find him. So if he doesn’t get him he’ll go get him? Yeah….that makes sense. Edge of course comes out and that’s the Viewer’s Choice main event. Oh in case I forgot, tonight is Viewer’s Choice. The options are a debate, a sit up contest, or an arm behind the back match.
Now it’s time to have our first actual vote which is for Jericho vs. Show. The options are Over the Rope Challenge, Submission Match and Body Slam Challenge. It’s one of those shows I guess.
Striker has the results. He’s actually good in a roll like this.
Over the Rope Challenge: 11%
Submission Match: 41%
Body Slam Challenge: 48%
Big Show vs. Chris Jericho
To be fair, there are at least two options that were possible there so that’s better than nothing. Show pulls Jericho up from the floor to the ring BY THE HAIR. FREAKING OW MAN. Jericho works on the arm for no apparent reason. He then tries a cross body and Show ends it easily. He throws on the Colossal Clutch and Jericho taps. And of course he throws him over the top too. That’s kind of funny I guess.
Up next the Hart Dynasty vs. YOUR PICK. It’s either the Usos, the Dudebusters or Khali and Horny. That….could actually go a few ways.
Usos: 36%
Dudebusters: 10%
Great Khali/Hornswoggle: 54%
NO FREAKING WAY this is legit. NO WAY.
Hart Dynasty vs. Great Khali/Hornswoggle
I’m fairly sure this is non-title. Khali and Kidd start us off as for one of the first times, Natalya looks great to me. Tadpole Splash misses thank goodness. Horny gets pinned in like 8 seconds. Oh this was stupid. The Usos run out and get beaten up for the first time. The Harts needed that one.
Lawler says something is wrong and leaves. Ok then.
We recap the Taker is dead thing which is at least elevating Kane for once.
The guest hosts come out and there’s just one of them. He says there’s a great show coming. Ok then.
Lawler is in the back and the other two guest hosts in fake mustaches are in character and say that Lawler wanted to hire them. SOMEONE STOLE HIS CROWN! They leave and run into the Bellas who they refuse to break character for. This is actually working for me.
Santino Marella vs. Vladimir Kozlov
The choices are Match, Arm Wrestling or Dance-Off. Hmm I wonder what’s going to win.
Match: 9%
Arm Wrestling: 7%
Dance-Off: 84%
Oh did you expect it to be anything else? Santino says he used to be a Backstreet Boy. Santino’s isn’t that funny or special. Kozlov does something similar to a robot. He’s actually not terrible. Ok this is sort of funny. Ok it’s VERY funny. They dance a bit afterwards and Santino gets slammed. Find a video of Kozlov dancing. It had me dying of laughter.
The Divas are in the back and they’re going to have a match next. The choices are 6 on 6 tag, Battle Royal or Champion vs. Champion. Wow those are actual wrestling matches.
Lawler is back.
6 on 6 Tag: 11%
Battle Royal: 73%
Champion vs. Champion: 16%
Divas Battle Royal
Again, I can live with this. Also it’s only 8:56 so we should step it up a bit soon enough. There isn’t much you can say here. Ah apparently going through the ropes counts too. Rosa is out. Tiffany is put out by Laycool. The same goes for Kelly. Gail hits a SWEET hurricanrana as nothing of note is going on. Gail and Alicia who have a match on Superstars are both out as are the Bellas. Laycool vs. Eve and Maryse are the final four. Make that Maryse, Eve and Jillian who I didn’t notice at all. Eve is out which is surprising. Jillian says they can be co-winners but Maryse throws her out. Boring but the girls looked good so there we are.
Sheamus and Kane have a staredown in the back. I’d like to watch that. He accuses Sheamus with some bad acting. Kane says he hopes to see him real soon.
WHO SHOULD SHEAMUS FACE? Kane, Mark Henry or Evan Bourne. HMM! I wonder who it’ll be!!!
Kane: 88%
Mark Henry: 3%
Evan Bourne: 9%
Sheamus vs. Kane
Yeah this works. I love big men fighting. Sheamus beats him up for awhile. We take a break. Sheamus is still beating him up. Kane starts beating him up for awhile. Chokeslam is blocked twice, Sheamus takes over again. Seriously that’s all that’s happened and it’s taken nearly 8 minutes. Chokeslam hits but Sheamus rolls to the floor and he just takes the count out. Eh that makes sense I guess and Kane looked very strong here.
Edge vs. Orton in the behind the back thing.
Cena vs. Swagger, Mysterio or Punk later. That actually could be any of them.
We look at Wade Barrett who is indeed the best guy for that show. And here’s Wade Barrett. He’s asked what it’s like to win NXT. He says you wouldn’t ask a genius about passing a grade school exam. GREAT LINE. He says in one week he’s going to do something that’s never been accomplished before.
DiBiase and Virgil are in the back. I never get over saying that. The A-Team guys are here and accuse DiBiase of taking the crown. IRS IS HERE, WEARING THE CROWN! Apparently the crown was taken for not paying back taxes. There’s a gas attack and the heels wear masks while the faces are out cold. Ok then.
Miz and Truth have a tag match next and you get to pick their partners. Here are the options.
R-Truth: Christian, MVP, John Morrison
Miz: Zach Ryder, Dolph Ziggler, William Regal
R-Truth/??? Vs. The Miz/???
A REALLY annoying fan keeps chanting MVP for Truth’s partner.
Christian: 29%
MVP: 17%
John Morrison: 54%
That’s rather telling, and THANK YOU for not being MVP.
Dolph Ziggler: 38%
William Regal: 17%
Zach Ryder: 45%
Well he has the best music I guess. Weird team if nothing else. Morrison is back as he hits all of his big kicks, but in a rather short match, Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale (GREAT one too as Morrison’s head just bounced off the mat) on Morrison to get the pin. He signals that he wants the belt back. Liking the young four guys being out there.
Bret and Edge talk for a bit in the back and Kane accuses Bret of attacking Taker. Interesting little thing: Taker has NEVER beaten Bret clean.
Edge vs. Randy Orton
Remember that Edge will have an arm behind his back. Edge’s left arm is behind his back but Orton’s right arm is in a sling. Ok then. After about a minute Edge pulls the rope off and stomps on Orton’s arm. This gets the DQ. He goes for a spear but Orton gets a kick up to block it. Edge gets a chair and hits Orton in the arm with it.
Cena and Bourne are talking in the back. Savannah comes up and asks Cena how he feels about he main event tonight. He says his life has been hectic and tonight the people make the pick and its their opinions that matter the most. The crowd is rather pro-Cena to say the least.
The A-Team guy wakes up…and MEAN FREAKING GENE IS WITH HIM! Gene makes fun of Josh Matthews who is right behind him.
Drew McIntyre vs. ???
The options are:
Yoshi Tatsu: 4%
Goldust: 8%
Mystery Opponent (does Matt Hardy poses): 88%
And it’s….actually Matt Hardy???? WOW. Drew says the match isn’t happening because of the suspension. Teddy comes out and says that he’s suspended from Smackdown, not Raw. Matt punches the hell out of him and never lets up. I like this angle actually. You can’t beat an old fashioned grudge match.
Drew misses a charge and hits the post which POPS. Twist of Fate ends this clean in like 90 seconds. Post match he slams Drew’s head into the mat and keeps beating the hell out of him. Matt pulls some of his hair out. This was impressive for Hardy.
BA Baracus (Rampage Jackson) is in the back tied up and Virgil, IRS and DiBiase say they’re taking him to the ring. I like this actually.
Back from break and we’re in the ring. DiBiase says that he has a price, including him. Apparently someone wants BA…and it’s……RODDY PIPER??? What the hell? HUGE Roddy chant. Oh that’s right Piper feuded with Mr. T. WAY back in the day. Piper has a hat on for no apparent reason. He’s pissed off because he doesn’t want more hype over the A-Team again.
He says it’s time for a fight and here’s the other A-Team guy along with Mean Gene and Dusty Rhodes on a golf cart. Jackson breaks the handcuffs and it’s on! Jackson can actually fight of course so this is a massive beatdown. Dusty thinks he’s Murdoch from A-Team and plugs the movie……IF YOU WILL. This worked in the weirdest way you can possibly imagine, but it did in fact work. Oh and Lawler gets the crown back.
Next week’s host is the star of Royal Pains which Big Show is guest starring on soon. See what happens when you have RELEVANT hosts?
Josh is with the three options for Cena’s opponent. Rey says to be the top dog, you have to go after the top dog. Yeah that’s not at all like To be the man you’ve gotta beat the man. Swagger says it should be champion vs. champion. Punk just makes fun of Matthews and asks why Cena should get to fight Punk.
Here’s Cena and it’s only twenty minutes until eleven. That’s a good sign of a long match.
Jack Swagger: 23%
Rey Mysterio: 32%
CM Punk: 45%
John Cena vs. CM Punk
As a Punk fan, this works. Immediately Cena goes for the mask as you would expect. Punk is wearing camo tights. That’s just odd. The fans pop for Cena like a cherry but then chant you can’t wrestle. Odd crowd. Gallows cheats to get us to even and we go to a break. We come back and Cena starts taking over and goes for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle….and here’s Wade Barrett.
Then all 7 other rookies show up and beat the hell out of the SES. Then they all get in the ring….and beat the hell out of Cena. What is going on here. AND THEY THEY BEAT UP STRIKER! AND LAWLER! Cole, of course, runs. This is actually really cool. They turn over the announce tables and are all wreaking havoc. Security gets beaten up and they punch the announcer. They’re tearing the mat off the ring.
Justin Roberts is getting choked out by Bryan. They’re destroying the arena. The ropes are torn up. Now they’re back to Cena. The ropes are literally falling apart, you can see the wood that is under the ring mat and they’re all clotheslining Cena. Punk even tries to fight them and he gets beaten down. This is AWESOME by the way. Danielson yells at Cena that he’s better than Cena and spits in his face.
Barrett hits his finisher on Cena, Gabriel hits the 450 on him. They’re all heel here in case you didn’t get the idea. They leave with Punk and Gallows out cold on the floor. This was original NWO level of insanity and one of the coolest endings to a Raw I’ve seen in forever. Also with there being 8 of them, that’s one hell of a force to fight off. Cena goes out on a stretcher but does the thumbs up as he leaves.
Results
Big Show b. Chris Jericho in a Body Slam Challenge
Hart Dynasty b. Great Khali/Hornswoggle – Kidd pins Hornswoggle after a missed splash
Maryse won a Battle Royal
Kane b. Sheamus – Count Out
The Miz/Zach Ryder b. John Morrison/R-Truth – Skull Crushing Finale to Morrison
Randy Orton b. Edge via DQ – Edge untied his arm
Matt Hardy b. Drew McIntyre – Twist of Fate
John Cena vs. CM Punk went to a no contest – NXT Rookies interference
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.1 overall and 3.3 for the normal timeslot so it’s a bit hard to tell what it really was.
NXT
Date: June 8, 2010
Location: St. Petersburg’s Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Michael Cole
It’s the season premiere tonight so it’s likely just a way to get the guys established a bit and associated with their pros. Also, we’ll get the fallout from last night’s epic Raw. Let’s get to it.
Theme song is the same.
Striker is in the ring and introduces the Pros and Rookies.
The Miz – Alex Riley
Riley is a jock character so kind of like Swagger and Nowitski in a way. For you old school fans, think Varsity Club.
John Morrison – Eli Cottonwood
Eli is a freaking giant and allegedly a bit insane. He looked….a bit out there. He has NO physique to speak of.
Cody Rhodes – Husky Harris
He’s the less talented of the Rotundo (IRS’ son) Brothers. He's rather fat. That’s all I’ve got.
Team Laycool – Kaval
This should be good if nothing else as Kaval is more commonly known as Low Ki. DAMN Laycool looks incredible tonight.
Mark Henry – Lucky Cannon
Uh he wears green. That’s all I’ve got.
Kofi Kingston – Michael McGillicutty
It’s Joe Hennig, Curt’s son. He’s AWESOME, but has a dumb as hell name.
MVP – Percy Watson
Watson is very uh….flamboyant. Yeah let’s go with that.
Zach Ryder – Titus O’Neil
Think Ahmed Johnson in purple tights. There you go. Ok I’ll give it to him: Ryder’s theme is addictive as hell.
The fans have 50% of the power tonight. I think I like that. The season is 12 weeks long rather than I think 16 like last time. THANK YOU! First Pro’s Poll is in 3 weeks and first elimination is in 6 weeks. We get a big brawl before things even start. Morrison hangs away from it which is smart.
Back from break we talk about last night a bit more but without anything definitive. I’ll be waiting for that later.
Eli Cottonwood/John Morrison vs. Zach Ryder/Titus O’Neil
The pros start and almost immediately it’s rookie vs. rookie. Cottonwood is indeed freaking huge. These guys are both monsters and you know Vince is dying here over their looks. Morrison comes in and O’Neil has something close to a fit on the floor. To say they’re green as possible would be an understatement.
Cottonwood puts on the worst headlock I’ve ever seen. However I should preface this by saying I would definitely believe they’ve been told to not use all their best stuff so early. Cottonwood kicks Ryder and Starship Pain ends O‘Neil. Post match the fans are asked what they think of Cottonwood which gets a very limited reaction. Miz says they failed.
Cole continues being a total dick. There’s something going on here.
We hear from Riley in one of those promos that are actually really good at introducing the characters. Riley is VERY cocky and it’s working quite well. He can talk if nothing else.
Cody Rhodes/Husky Harris vs. Percy Watson/MVP
Watson actually wrestles in his glasses. Ok then. Cole points out that Rhodes’ rookie is the son of Mike Rotundo who got beaten up by Rhodes’ father last night. So it’s old vs. old and new with new. Yeah Cole just made my head hurt. Watson and Rhodes start. If Watson can wrestle even decently he’ll be a star with his look and charisma. Harris is fat. Like VERY fat.
Ah good he’s not in there long so we get more Rhodes. Somehow he’s the best option. We come back from a break and MVP still hasn’t been in. The rookies botch the hell out of something as Harris goes for a senton back splash but Watson rolls the wrong way so in other words Watson rolled into it instead of away. MVP comes in and Ballin hits on the fat man. Watcon comes back in and hits a nice jumping spinning DDT for the pin.
I’m not huge on him but he’s got a decent finisher. Post match the rookies argue with Rhodes running his mouth. He doesn’t like Harris and I can’t blame him. MVP says he’s proud of Watson for getting himself out of trouble. That’s true.
We get a profile on Hennig as I’m not going to call him that other name. He looks and acts JUST like his dad and it’s working like a charm. This guy is awesome and he was in FCW. I’m sold.
The Rookies and the Pros are having a major staredown but we’re going to look at the end of last night’s show. Apparently we’re just going to reair it. That works. Cole running like a coward is still great. This feels like a gang riot which is what it’s supposed to be entirely. I missed this last night but they beat up FINK!
There goes Robert’s shirt. That’s just a great visual. Otunga had a box cutter or something. There are people chanting ring the bell. Really? This is somewhat clipped for the sake of time. I didn’t notice Lawler being under the tables last night.
We ask the rookies about last night. Kaval says that’s how you make a statement. Cannon says they were cowards but they made a statement. Harris says he doesn’t care because he’s here to win and that’s it. Striker is shorter than all of these people. Riley sneezes twice because he’s allergic to Striker. Watson says it should have been one on one instead of a beatdown. Cottonwood says Cena deserved it.
That was intimidating. O’Neil says Season One should try that on one of the Season Two rookies and then calls out Ryder. This was odd. Hennig tells everyone to answer the question. Damn his look is awesome….and Striker cuts him off. The pros are worried about an attack or something….so they beat the hell out of the rookies. As in their own rookies. Cole calls it an initiation and the pros posing ends it.
Results
John Morrison/Eli Cottonwood b. Titus O’Neil/Zach Ryder – Starship Pain to O’Neil
MVP/Percy Watson b. Husky Harris/Cody Rhodes – Floatover DDT to Harris
Wednesday
NXT got a 1.1.
At an FCW show, the NXT gang beat down Miz and Christian. Cool.
Thursday
Impact
Date: June 10, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay
Episode Title: A Flair for the Dramatics
We open with a recap of Anderson vs. Hardy. I really hope this doesn’t end with a terrible heel turn for Anderson. We also see the AJ/Flair/Lethal/Kaz thing which could be awesome if Flair being so important didn’t matter as much.
Angle wrestles tonight.
We open in the arena with AJ, Wolfe, Kazarian and Beer Money. Are they like the bad Horsemen or something? Flair isn’t here tonight so AJ is running things for them tonight. There’s an 8 man tag tonight but AJ sees a problem here: there are five of them. He mentions there were four Beatles, the Fantastic Four (and a lesser known team known as the Fantastic Five) and Four HORSEMEN. Oh dear.
He says there’s no problem though because Kaz is out so there we are. And here’s Jay Lethal coming out to Flair’s music. Again to be fair, his imitation of Flair is freaking amazing. Lethal cracks me up for awhile and introduces his team. First off is Abyss, who is against Wolfe in a Monster’s Ball match Sunday. We get further implications that Abyss rapes Chelsea. Anderson is the third man and why do I think the fourth is Hardy?
Apparently Abyss counts as two guys, but we’re going to do this right now. Lethal does a great dive over the ropes to take out Kaz and AJ. Lethal takes a low blow and the faces are in trouble. Oh look it’s Hardy coming through the crowd to surprise Wolfe. Ok having Wolfe go to the ramp to wait for him at least makes sense. Jeff clears the ring other than the other faces.
Kendrick says a bunch of weird things where he was likely on coke or something like that. Apparently the X Title is sans qualifications. Other than being signed to a TNA contract and being a trained pro wrestler and qualifying for a title shot and being able to win the title.
Brian Kendrick vs. Homicide
Let the smarks loose! Doug Williams comes out to look at the match. And Kendrick is getting his ass kicked. Sure why not. Williams has the annoying British voice going which is great. Kendrick makes his comeback and it lasts about 4 seconds. Williams says he is the walrus as Kendrick is being massacred three days before his title match. Makes perfect sense right?
Williams is wearing a British Invasion shirt which hasn’t been a stable in months now. Ah Kendrick is getting more offense. That’s always nice to throw a jobber a bone like that. And so much for that theory. Homicide chokes Kendrick with his tape so I’m guessing Kendrick is supposed to get sympathy here or something?
We go to the ramp where Homicide almost gets his head slammed into the ramp a bunch of times. Homicide finds a tool box and has a screwdriver. And Kendrick kicks him in the face for a pin. This could be a working definition of a clusterfuck.
Oh look: another random brawl in the back, this time with Bubba and Neal.
Ink Inc. is in the ring after a break. And here’s Team 3D. They deny being behind the card attacks, which Jordan had done three weeks ago but we’re just supposed to forget that. My bet is on Pope in a heel turn which no one would care about nor would it make sense but whatever.
Neal says he doesn’t understand Ray freaking out like he has been. Ray says Neal owes Ray everything because he was just a failure. Is this supposed to be a big grudge match or something? D-Von is a puppet according to Neal. They tease Bubba vs. D-Von. PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN. Bubba hits Jesse and runs.
And now we’re going to show the Jarrett vs. Sting deal from Sacrifice. Uh, point? For those that haven’t heard what happened, go check my Sacrifice review as I recapped it in full there. In short, Sting beat the living hell out of Jeff Jarrett and messed up his shoulder really badly. We’ve now spent five minutes just reairing this. Make that 8 minutes. Hogan came out to stop Sting and PLEASE tell me that’s not what this is leading to: Hogan vs. Sting.
Also, Hogan coming out to save one of his wrestlers from a beatdown is perfectly fine. That’s something perfectly acceptable for him to do and I have no problem with it because it fits his role and doesn’t seem like he’s just out there for the sake of being on camera.
Jarrett is going to confront Sting next…while he’s in Tennessee.
Morgan and Bischoff and his girl are talking as Morgan wants to know his partner. Instead of having the tag title match at the PPV we get it right now. Morgan is scared of his partner. Or is he excited? Maybe it’s a stomach bug? I’m not entirely sure.
We come back to hear Jarrett say he’ll get Sting soon while we see highlights of the full thing we just saw. That makes perfect sense. Oh and make sure that Hogan gets praised too.
Tag Titles: Matt Morgan/??? Vs. The Band
Second match in 55 minutes. That makes sense. And here’s Hogan to make the announcement of the partner. Again, nothing wrong with an authority figure making an authority based decision/announcement. Of course it’s Hernandez. Hogan messes up and points to his right as in Hernandez is there but Hernandez is actually on the other side. That was actually pretty funny. Hogan does commentary here which is VERY rare as they say.
Hernandez beats the hell out of Morgan in what is supposed to be a tag title match, so I guess the match hasn’t started yet. Hogan is putting Hernandez open huge so I’m happy there. Hogan makes the one on one match at Slammiversary. Morgan takes a stretcher ride and I guess there’s no match? Ok so one match in 61 minutes so far. That makes sense. Wait here comes the Band. When did Nash get those tattoos? Young covers him for the pin. Sure why not. We’ll call it a match to be nice and to give me something to make fun of later. So…does the Band have actual matches anymore? They never tagged into the fourway a week or whatever ago did they?
RVD talks about the match on Sunday with Sting and that Sting is going to have to come get the title. It’s a generic promo for a reason as Sting jumps him and chokes him out. He steals the belt and leaves. Nothing wrong with an old tactic like that to get some heat.
Angle is here and says he’s challenging the best X Division wrestler in the world to a match tonight to prepare for Kaz on Sunday.
Kurt Angle vs. Amazing Red
This makes perfect sense and I’m actually not being sarcastic on that front. Red busts out some nice flying spots and the fans are liking it. Not that that means much but still. Red botches a rana and Angle’s head gets slammed into the mat. And the Angle Slam ends the carnage. This was fast paced and good though.
Sting has the belt and puts the word DECEPTION on it. Any bets on how long before we get an explanation? I’ll set the starting mark and never and put bets on never ever.
Come see our house shows since our TV or PPVs make no money at all.
We get a video package about the history of TNA. To be fair that’s a big deal as it’s longer than ECW was around. I wouldn’t have bet on them being around this long. It’s called the hottest PPV of the summer this year. So is there a fall and spring hottest PPV of the year? It turns into a build up for the PPV segment. Did I mention we’ve had 11 minutes of wrestling, including the Band thing which I’m counting as a full minute to be VERY nice as it was about 5 seconds and we’re an hour and a half into the show?
RVD is looking for Sting.
Holy shit it’s a match!
AJ Styles/Desmond Wolfe/Beer Money vs. Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy/Abyss/Jay Lethal
Ok a long main event and I’ll declare this a passable show. Chelsea is with Abyss of course and at least it’s Hardy’s music and not Hogan’s. Hardy looks like he has a sock wrapped around his face. So is there a reason Chelsea doesn’t just run away during an Abyss match?
Lethal and Roode start and Lethal hits the Tajiri springboard elbow. It’s your standard main event tag match with Hardy getting beaten down for the most part. I do like the Beer Money signature thing but it needs to take less time. Lethal gets the hot tag and Jeff is magically ok after a ten minute beatdown.
Everyone beats on everone and Wolfe shouts at Chelsea to give him a chair. Of course she doesn’t do it because it lets Abyss nail Wolfe since she likes him now I guess. Styles Clashon Lethal ends it. Main event goes 10 minutes, giving us a total of 21 minutes of wrestling so far.
Sting is still waiting on RVD.
Sting jumps RVD as you would expect him to do and we get a big brawl in the back. RVD kicks Sting in the ribs while Sting is wearing the belt. Sting sells it anyway. So we’re in the ring now and we’re likely to end the show on a 7 minute brawl. Sure why not. Van Dam’s face is RED.
Taz makes sure to point out that they’re not giving away the world title match three days before the show. Well good to know they’re not doing that this month. He throws the belt on Van Dam and says it’s deception because it’s his until Sunday.
Results
Brian Kendrick b. Homicide – Boot to the face
The Band b. Matt Morgan/Hernandez – Young pinned Morgan after Hernandez turned on him
Kurt Angle b. Amazing Red – Angle Slam
AJ Styles/Desmond Wolfe/Beer Money b. Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy/Abyss/Jay Lethal – Styles Clash to Lethal
Friday
Allegedly Bryan Danielson has been release from WWE due to choking Justin Roberts with his tie. If that’s legit, WWE is freaking idiotic. Meltzer has said it’s both legit and not legit so there we are. I personally don’t buy it as the timing is way too close but whatever. We’ll see on Raw I guess.
Impact got a 1.0
Smackdown
Date: June 11, 2010
Location: St. Petersburg’s Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker
We open with a video about the Undertaker. I’m looking forward to this story as it’s likely going to go on for months since Taker is out 8-12 weeks while recovering from his surgery. Everyone denies being the person doing it but he beats them up anyway.
Damn WWE has some great theme songs.
Show vs. Punk and Rey vs. Swagger tonight.
Rey Mysterio vs. Jack Swagger
Rey has a mic and says that if he wins at the PPV then it’s the people’s title, not his. Swagger comes out and says he’s built for success. Rey makes fun of his lisp which is hardly there anymore. The size difference between these two is hilarious. Why does Rey constantly talk about how great the 619 is when it’s not even his finishing move? You didn’t hear Hogan talking about the big boot or Austin talking about kicking someone in the ribs.
Punk and the SES come out and he says that he was a target of an assassination attempt. Thirty six people tried to jump them apparently. This could be funny. Punk talks about becoming a 4 time Straightedge World Champion. Punk says he’s already beaten Punk once and he should take the mask off. Aren’t we supposed to have a match or something like that? And here’s Big Show since we haven’t had enough chatting yet.
He talks about how Swagger has issues, Rey is fine with the mask because of his heritage, but Punk needs to have his taken off. Show says he’ll do it tonight, and we get a red light over everything. Kane talks about how he’s going to find who is responsible. What’s he going to do to them? Lay down so they can pin him? This is one of those so over the top it’s great promos.
We go to a commercial and when we’re back at 8:22, the bell rings and the match begins! Apparently this is their first meeting and the Show/Punk match will be the first match between them also. Swagger got a 1510 on his SATs. I think I got 1380 but I’m not sure. That’ll be a trivia question later. Rey dominates early on and hits the 619 and springboard splash but Swagger’s foot is on the rope and we get another commercial.
Back and Swagger slides Rey under the ropes face first and his head almost slammed into the barricade. Fatal Fourway is no DQ. Good to know. Swagger busts out the Angle running up the turnbuckles belly to belly for two. We get the THIRD commercial in 30 minutes. Are you serious? Back again and Swagger is bending Rey around the post which would hurt like hell. Mysterio is in the Tree of Woe which Striker calls the Porcupine Tree.
What is he on because I want some of it. 619 hits the ribs and the next one hits the face. A springboard legdrop pins Swagger AGAIN. How many clean losses has he had on TV now? 5? Kane comes out and chokeslams both guys after Swagger jumps Mysterio.
Layla vs. Tiffany
Kaval is with them here and he looks like a Power Ranger reject. We have to wait awhile before we find out who Layla is fighting but whatever. Layla is sickened by the people in Tampa even though Michelle is from here and her parents are here. I love this gimmick actually and while it’s stolen from the Beautiful People, they do it better and can actually wrestle a decent match.
So are we just supposed to forget about her being ECW GM? Damn Kelly’s boobs are epic. Tiffany is the most improved Diva in WWE? Striker….you fail. There is no way that line is acceptable. Layla hits her neckbreaker to get the win.
And now we’re reairing the beatdown from Raw. Sure why not. It’s still awesome by the way.
We get a clip of Dolph beating up Christian from three weeks ago because of Horny being annoying or something.
Christian vs. Dolph Ziggler
Apparently there was a handicap match on Superstars. I need to watch that show. Vickie comes out with new hair to introduce Ziggler. Vickie was bearable around Mania, but I don’t get why Ziggler needs Vickie to get heat. Christian is in control early on hitting that running springboard dive that he does very well. Back from break and Christian is in trouble. Who would have seen that coming?
And here comes YOUR Canadian. This feels a big rushed but not that bad. Ziggler hits a Fameasser for two. I love that Pendulum Kick. I like it better when it actually hits. The jumping elbow smash is one of my favorites though. Christian rams him into the turnbuckle to escape the sleeper and a sunset flip out of the corner ends it. And here are Hawkins and Archer to beat up Christian as they search for an Impact. Try Thursdays at 9. Ziggler hooks a sleeper after the match and hugs Vickie.
Kane I guess holds a funeral for Taker. Either that or he has a crush on a casket and can’t find a state where they can be married and have little Katie Vicks. Well she lived in a casket so maybe there’s a connection there. He says whoever did this will pay. Instead can we just bring him a blender?
Drew McIntyre is here and he looks awesomely evil in a suit. He demands that Teddy come out. Or maybe he wants the chicken. You can never tell with accents like that. He tells Teddy to look at the screen and we see the last two shows worth of Matt Hardy vs. Drew stuff. That was still just a bit strange having Matt destroy him like that but whatever. He’s suspended from all programming according to Vince.
Drew knocks Teddy’s mic out of his hands and says he has news for him. Kofi comes out as he’s about to say it. Kofi says he’s tired of Drew complaining all the time. Kofi talks about being a man and then hits him in the head and this Trouble in Paradise. No answer on what the bad news for Teddy was.
Teddy is on the phone trying to get in touch with Vince. Drew comes up and says next week he and Teddy have a match. If Teddy tries to get out of it he’s fired. Isn’t he eligible for Social Security yet or something?
Big Show vs. CM Punk
Striker says that Long has never been an in ring competitor. Of course this is incorrect but whatever. This is another first time matchup which is always cool. Punk kicks him a lot and Show just growls at him. Time for another break which should be the last one. Show is freaking scary. He truly is.
He goes for the mask but it doesn’t work. Show slaps his back instead which works fine I suppose. Show chokes him down and goes for the mask so the SES runs in for the save of course. After a short beatdown, Kane comes down and beats up everyone.
Results
Rey Mysterio b. Jack Swagger – Springboard Legdrop
Layla b. Tiffany – Reverse Neckbreaker
Christian b. Dolph Ziggler – Sunset Flip off the Middle Rope
Big Show b. CM Punk via DQ – SES interference