The Odd Couple (of former heads of state)

[enviousdominous]

On November 13th 2018, Justin Trudeau was asked to remove himself from his nation of residence. That request came from his constituents. Deep down, he knew they were right, but he also knew that someday he would return to them.

With nowhere else to go, he traveled to Mexico and appears at the apartment of his friend Donald Trump. Several months earlier, Donald Trump's constituency had thrown him out, requesting that he never return.

Can two deported former heads of state share an apartment without driving each other crazy?

*scene opens with Justin in the living room frantically trying to tie his tie while also fixing his bed hair*

Justin: Are you almost ready Donald?

Donald: Maybe, I don't know.

*Justin sighs with frustration and pulls his tie loose to start over with tying it*

Justin: What do you mean you don't know!?

*Donald is shown sitting on the sofa wearing a wife-beater and boxer shorts, watching a Mexican soap opera*

Donald: I'm sorry, I should have said that I didn't care.

Justin: I need you to drive me to my sister's wedding.

Donald: You drive! You can drive!

Justin: Mexican roads make me nervous, we went through this last night.

*suddenly the doorbell rings*

Justin: Can you get that?

Donald: No, I have a guy for that. Go get the fucking door Justin.

*Justin angrily opens the door, and his expression changes to one of horror*

El Chapo: Prime Minister Trudeau!

*El Chapo embraces Justin Trudeau in a warm hug*

Donald: Oh good, some garbage just blew in.

*El Chapo releases Justin*

Justin: I don't understand, why are you here Mr. Chapo?

*El Chapo opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted by Donald*

Donald: He found religion or some stupid garbage. Either way, he's lucky I'm too busy watching Sortilegio to kick his ass.

El Chapo: I have converted to Mormonism, and I am a much happier person.

Justin: That's wonderful!

Donald: Yeah, he's afraid of coffee now.

Justin: Can you give me a ride to my sister's wedding please?

El Chapo: I suppose I can, but why can't Donald..

*Donald interrupts*

Donald: Because that's what morons named El Chapo are for.

Justin: He's just a little cranky since being impeached, and deported.

Donald: And your sister is a cow.

Justin: My sister isn't a cow Donald, and she didn't appreciate the gift you sent to her.

Donald: It was clearly marked as a back massager.

Justin: You didn't have to say that it was from me!

Donald: Sorry, I was just trying to upset her for being a stupid cow.

 

[enviousdominous]

*scene opens to show Donald driving a 1972 AMC Gremlin with El Chapo in the passenger's seat and Justin Trudeau sitting in the middle of the backseat*

Donald: How did I end up here?

El Chapo: You saw the err of your ways and chose to be virtuous unto your...

Donald: Fine, whatever. I must have blacked out from being so drunk.

Justin: Do you remember the way to the Lighthouse Church?

Donald: I have no idea what I'm doing right now.

El Chapo: You just need to get on the 180 main.

Donald: Who's talking!?

*suddenly Donald is nearly side-swiped and cut off by a BMW*

Donald: Oh Hell no!

*Donald floors the gas pedal and chases after the speeding motorist*

Justin: You're not mentally equipped to perform a citizen's arrest at the moment Donald!

El Chapo: I got his plate number, we'll report him later!

Donald: Shut up! Nobody disses Donald Trump!

*Donald recklessly speeds after the motorist who had upset him until the two cars stop in a Walmart parking lot*

El Chapo: You really need to mellow out main.

Donald: I'll mellow his out!

*Donald throws open the car door and storms toward the BMW*

Donald: Why don't you say that to my face bitch!?

*The driver's door for the BMW opens slightly, only to be pushed shut by Donald*

Donald: What's that!? Your mom's a cow!? What!?

*The door is forced open, and an angry Kim Jong Un steps out*

Kim: YOU SHOULD NOT SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT MY MOTHER!

*El Chapo exits the gremlin and Justin frantically manages to squeeze out of a tight gap as the gremlin has no passenger doors, as he does his sister Sarah steps out of the BMW*

Donald: Is that your mother!? You must have been a terrible birth!

Kim: THAT IS MY NEW WIFE!

El Chapo: Please keep your voice down main, I'm a Mormon.

Kim: MORMON!? TELL YOUR WIVES TO BEHAVE!

Justin: I'm not his wife, I'm your new brother!

Sarah: Oh God, I came to Mexico to get away from my family and this happens.

*Donald violently pushes Kim Jong Un, causing him to fall onto the hood of the BMW*

Kim: I AM GOING TO KICK ALL YOUR ASSES! EXCEPT YOURS DEAR!

Donald: Why are you defending her!? She started it!

Justin: Don't you speak to my dear sister that way!

Sarah: Shut up Justin.

El Chapo: Can we just talk about this main!?

Donald: We're don't talking, now I'm pushing.

*Donald pushes Kim Jong Un a second time, and is promptly punched in the face by Sarah Trudeau*

Donald: What the hell was that for!?

 

[enviousdominous]

*Donald and Justin stand at the front door of a palacial mansion while Justin rings the doorbell*

Donald: What in God's name are we doing here?

Justin: We're here in God's name Donald.

Donald: Oh.

*The door opens, and a haggard looking darkhaired man wearing a fancy bathrobe opens the door. A pair of horns are visibly growing from his forehead.*

Justin: You start Donald.

Donald: Hi, we're here to rob you.

Justin: Donald! No, my good man, we're here on behalf of our good friend Joaquin.

*the man perks up*

Man: Joaquin Phoenix knows who I am!?

Donald: No, it's probably our stupid friend El Guzman.

Man: Oh.

Justin: Joaquin is a devout Mormon now, but he's fallen ill. May we enter your home and inform you of some of Jesus' lesser known teachings?

*The man sighs and brushes his hair back to more prominently reveal his horns.*

Man: Sure, I guess. You should know that I'm Satan though.

*Justin stands wide-eyed with his jaw open, while Donald shrugs his shoulders and enters the home*

Justin: You're....

Satan: Offering my hospitality you ungrateful bitch! Are you in or out!?

*Justin rushes into the home to catch up to Donald, who is pouring himself drinks at a bar*

Justin: Donald, we're here on behalf of our Mormon friend. You shouldn't consume alcohol, it sets a bad example.

Donald: Justin, no offense, but the only way I can deal with your company is if I'm perpetually wasted.

Satan: So, about that Mormon stuff.

*Justin pulls The Book of Latter Day Saints from the back of his pants and offers it to Satan*

Satan: No thanks. Have you ever read that thing?

Donald: Hell no.

Justin: We're here on very short notice I'm afraid.

Satan: What in God's name are you two idiots doing here!? Being around you two is bad for even my reputation!

*Justin and Donald look at each other with annoyed expressions and turn back to looking at Satan*

Justin: Just what are you supposed to be doing here?

Satan: This is my house! What do you mean!?

Donald: Aren't you supposed to be doing stuff in Hell?

Satan: The rapture was cancelled, humanity is doing its own thing in spite of me, and now I have to go back to the drawing board to figure out how my next rebellion is going to work.

Justin: Okay, free advice, maybe forget the rebellion and convert to Mormonism.

Satan: Oh God, this may come as a shock to you but there's a whole fucking universe of possibility out there that doesn't involve Christianity as an alternative.

Donald: Says the guy who just revealed that he still wants to rebel against it.

*Donald drinks a shot of vodka and loudly belches*

Satan: Fuck you, and that's different. People will be willing to swear themselves to me, it's just that I can't really utilize a generation that lives vicariously through their electronic devices.

Donald: You suck at rebellions, and you're still God's sock puppet. Maybe if you join a religion that's afraid of coffee, you'll be less of a bitch.

Satan: Shut up! You're not even Mormon!

Justin: How do you know he's not really a Mormon!?

*Donald stops drinking hard liquor for a moment so he and Satan can give a prolonged stare to Justin*

Satan: Besides the obvious, I'm all knowing.

Donald: All knowing? Then you tell us if Mormonism is legit.

*Satan pauses with uncomfortable silence*

Justin: I think that..

Satan: SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M THINKING!

Donald: I'm bored. Do you want the book or not.

*Satan sighs and takes The Book of Latter Day Saints from Justin*

Justin: You'll be at Church on Sunday?

Satan: I guess.

 

[enviousdominous]

*Donald Trump wakes up in unfamiliar surroundings on a metal slab while wearing a white suit and tie. Futuristic electronic panels display unfamiliar symbols line the walls.*

Donald: Thank God, for a second there I thought I was at home.

*One panel on the wall explodes off the wall, and from the smoke Steve Bannon emerges wearing a Darth Vader costume without the helmet*

Steve: Hello Donald.

Donald: Why did you blow up that panel Steve?

Steve: We... built this room, and the entire space ship, around you.

Donald: Oh. That was pretty stupid.

Steve: No Donald, what's stupid is that you thought that I was your friend Steve Bannon this entire time.

Donald: Are you really Rosie O'Donnell?

*Rosie O'Donnell enters the room wearing a Darth Vader costume without the helmet*

Rosie: Where in the Hell am I?

Donald: Hell, apparently.

Steve: I'm not Steve Bannon of Earth, I'm Steven Bannon of The Galactic Federation.

Donald: Didn't I fire you?

Rosie: Why did the Galactic Federation kidnap us?

Steve: The Galactic Federation annihilated beings from the other planets so that Lord Xenu could avoid a coup, and now it's apparent that he went a little overboard with that. I'm the new Lord of the Galaxy, and I need you two to make a baby.

Donald: Make a what now?

Rosie: Good one Steve.

Steve: We need more human beings throughout the Milky Way, the Vogon's are taking over and...

Donald: You're serious!?

Rosie: Why did you pick two people who hate each other!?

Steve: We don't really know how this works anymore, so I picked two people who have a lot of passion for each other.

Donald: Doesn't it take a long time to make a baby?

Rosie: You expect me to carry an abomination spawned by that thing for nine freakin' months!?

*Steve shows a look of surprise*

Donald: Don't you have kids?

Steve: I barely even knew that I had a wife most of the time, being leader of the Galactic Federation kept me busy.

Rosie: With you as leader of the Galactic Federation, humanity is screwed.

Donald: Seriously, couldn't you have gotten me a supermodel?

Steve: We decided that someone with wide hips would be ideal, so we figured the wider the better.

Rosie: Sound logic, but sex is about love Steve.

*Steve and Donald both turn and look at Rosie with looks of disbelief*

Steve: I'll take you both back and...

*Suddenly another panel explodes off the wall and several women enter the room wielding phasers while wearing short skirts which indicate that they're Star Fleet officers*

Donald: Now that's what I'm talking about, humanity is saved.

*Justin Trudeau enters the room wearing a multicolored leotard uniform which indicates that he's a Star Fleet Admiral*

Donald: Nevermind.

Justin: Admiral Justin Trudeau, Kolob Starfleet officer, celebrating Kolob Day by...

Steve: This is a Galactic Federation ship, you have no right.

Justin: I forgot what I was talking about.

Rosie: Something about Kolob day.

Donald: I was just about to get laid Justin.

Justin: Oh yeah, Donald doesn't have to repopulate The Milky Way because I already did.

Rosie: Oh thank God.

Donald: I don't want to remember this, do you have one of those devices that erases memory?

*Steve pulls out a small rod*

Steve: You mean one of... OH SHIT!

*Steve drops his memory erasing device causing it to explode with a bright flash*

Donald: Who am I?

Rosie: What in the Hell is going on!?

Steve: Which one of you kidnapped me!?

Justin: Duhhhhh.

 

[enviousdominous]

*Donald and Justin are sitting in the food court of a Mexican Costco, enjoying life*

Donald: This is what life is all about Justin.

Justin: I've never been happier than I am right now.

Donald: Oh and, sorry about before.

Justin: That's quite alright my friend, this more than makes up for it.

Donald: Did I say before? Because I meant ten seconds from now.

Justin: Whatever it is, I'm sure I'll be happy too...

*Russian paratroopers crash through the ceiling of the CostCo and surround Justin with their guns raised*

Donald: Good luck buddy!

*Donald hastily runs out of the CostCo*

*Justin stands up and fixes his tie*

Justin: Can I help you fine gentlemen?

*One Russian soldier steps toward Justin, and removes his mask to reveal that he is Vladimir Putin*

Vladimir: So, I've found you at last Justin Trudeau.

Justin: We literally just met two years ago!

*Vladimir raises an eyebrow as an expression of confusion*

Vladimir: Well, you weren't important back then. Now you are, I am to understand that you arranged the theft of twenty tons of Uranium from Russian stockpiles.

Justin: Did I do that?

Vladimir: Yes you did, and unfortunately for you it is going to cost you your life.

*Vladimir readies his fist and takes a hard swing at Justin, who casually swats the fist to the side*

Justin: I'm sure one of your men would rather...

Vladimir: Shut up, I am expert in hand-to-hand combat.

*Justin sighs and casually swats away Vladimir's attempts at strikes with only one palm*

Vladimir: ENOUGH! I will settle this KGB style.

*Vladimir takes out a knife and presses a button designed to eject the blade. The blade launches for Justin's neck, and he casually catches it between two fingers*

Justin: Was that a ballistic knife? That's so cool. Where did you get that?

*Vladimir scowls and raises a fist, which signals the Russian special forces to form a line all holding ballistic knives pointed toward Justin*

Vladimir: Can you catch this?

*An up-armored Humvee crashes through the wall of the CostCo and rams into the line of Russian special forces, leaving Vladimir as the only one standing. Donald Trump steps out*

Donald: I found a truck.

Vladimir: Donald my friend, help me dispatch this cretin.

Donald: And goodbye.

*Donald hops into the Humvee and speeds off*

*Vladimir charges at Justin. Justin calmly steps to the side causing Vladimir to clumsily crash into a food court table*

*Barack Obama walks into the CostCo and stands beside Justin*

Barack: Have you seen an up-armored Humvee and a set of keys for one?

Justin: Not now Barry, I'm fighting with Vladimir Putin.

*Vladimir charges once more toward Justin, and is tripped by Barack causing him to crash into another food court table*

 

[enviousdominous]

*Donald Trump stops by a local Mexican barbershop, takes a number and sits down.*

Donald: I shouldn't have waited so long, this hair is out of control.

*Vladimir Putin leans over as he's sitting in the seat that's next to the seat that's next to Donald Trump's seat.*

Vladimir: Donald, is that you?

Donald: Oh hey Vlad. Yeah, I've been needing this.

Vladimir: What are you here for? I thought that you wore toupee.

Donald: What am I here for? You're bald!

*Vladimir nervously looks back and forth.*

Vladimir: I have some hair, which I like to comb over. Where is your little friend Justin?

Donald: He's sitting right next to you.

*Justin turns and smiles at Vladimir, who is startled to see that Justin had been sitting in-between himself and Donald the entire time.*

Justin: Hello Mr. Putin, it's great to see you.

*Vlad freezes in horror*

Justin: I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry for earlier, I don't know what...

Donald: Shut the fuck up Justin.

Vladimir: Are you not bald Donald?

Donald: Would you like to tug on my hair?

*Donald leans his head over Justin's lap, and Vladimir pulls a handful of hair so hard it rips off of Donald's scalp.*

Donald: OUCH! YOU SON OF A BITCH!

*Donald throws a punch at Vladimir while still sitting, which is easily swatted away by Justin.*

Vladimir: YOU ARE SON OF BITCH!

*Vladimir throws a punch at Donald while still sitting, which is easily swatted away by Justin."

Justin: My friends, you're making the other customers uncomfortable!

Vladimir: Kiss my ass!

Donald: Yeah, kiss both of our asses. Who the hell do you think you are?

Justin: I was just...

Vladimir: You are numbskull!

*The barber calls to Vladimir and motions for him to take a seat in the barber's chair*

Barber: Senor!

Vladimir: You are very lucky man.

*Vladimir sits in the barber's chair, where the confused barber scans his head trying to find any hair left to cut.*

Donald: Is that Richard Simmons?

*Justin turns his head excitedly, only to have Donald hit him over the back of the head*

 

[enviousdominous]

*Justin Trudeau stands triumphantly as a special guest of The White House where President The Rock stands behind him fastening a Presidential Medal of Freedom around his neck*

Justin: *whispering* Thank you so much for this honor Mr. President, err I mean Mr. Rock.

Rock: *whispering* It doesn't matter what my name is, just smile and nod.

Justin: *whispering* This has been my dream since I was a little boy, running around the homestead in my underpants pretending I was Winston...

Rock: It doesn't matter that you have no clothes on.

*Justin looks down to see that he's wearing only a pair of boxer shorts*

Justin: Well if it doesn't matter, then I don't see why...

*Justin suddenly wakes up on the sofa in the living room of the apartment he shares with Donald Trump. His alarm clock can faintly be heard going off in his bedroom*

Justin: HOLY BEANS! I'M LATE FOR WORK!

*Justin frantically applies his favorite Mexican deodorant and puts on his Taco Bell uniform before sprinting out the door to his tandem bicycle*

Justin: Where is Donald!? He was supposed to help me with my work commute!

*Alec Baldwin walks up to Justin*

Justin: Alec, Thank Baby Jesus. I need..

Alec: Fuck off Justin.

*Alec Baldwin frantically sprints away before Justin can properly react*

*Stephen Hawking whirrs up to the scene*

Stephen: Hello, Justin, my friend. You seem to be in a pickle.

Justin: I don't have time for pickles! I have to get to work! I need this job!

Stephen: Justin, my friend, you are in luck. My wheel chair utilizes a lithium battery that is a prototype invented by one of my mentees at the...

*Justin rips Stephen's optical keyboard off of his wheel chair and smashes it on the ground before jumping onto Stephen's back*

Justin: JUST TAKE ME TO TACO BELL! I'M LATE!

*Stephen Hawking pushes forward and his wheel chair whirrs down the street before reaching a traffic jam.

Justin: WHAT IN CHEESE DOODLES!?

*Justin peers over the backed up traffic to see that its cause was a laundromat at the corner of the block that had caught fire.*

Justin: I have to put that fire out, or I might lose my job at Taco Bell!

*Justin rushes to the laundromat and shoulder rams several fire fighters to the ground as they attempt to prevent him from entering the blazing inferno. Justin finds Donald sitting down reading a Mexican newspaper*

Donald: Fuck off Justin, I'm busy.

Justin: THIS BUILDING IS ON FIRE!

Donald: Yeah, well you're a flaming moron.

*Justin holds out his arms*

Justin: Jump into my arms Donald, I have to rescue you.

*Donald smirks and shakes his head as if to say "no", when a nearby dryer suddenly explodes causing Donald to launch onto Justin's arms. Justin rushes out of the burning laundromat seconds before the roof caves in.*

Donald: There goes my last pair of socks.

Justin: You can borrow my crocks if you'd prefer.

Donald: Shut the fuck up Justin.

*Justin and Donald hop onto Stephen Hawking's back and they whirr between cars to escape the traffic jam on their way to Taco Bell*

Donald: I don't remember what just happened. What the fuck is going on?

Justin: We're going to the wrong Taco Bell! Stephen, you know that I work at the Taco Bell on Guadalupe road!

*Donald hits Stephen Hawking over the head, messing up Stephen's hair. Stephen's wheelchair whirrs toward the correct Taco Bell, eventually pulling into the parking lot and parking in a handicapped parking place.*

*Justin and Donald hop off the wheel chair, and Justin puts Stephen Hawking's limp body over his shoulders.*

Donald: Not that I really care, but why are we taking Stephen Hawking inside?

Justin: I need him to explain to my boss, Hillary Clinton, why I was late. I'm no good with her.

*Donald stares blankly at Justin and shrugs his shoulders. As the two begin to walk into the Taco Bell with Stephen Hawking's limp body in tow, an Escalade plows into the handicapped place obliterating Stephen's wheel chair. Alec Baldwin exits the Escalade.*

Alec: WHICH ONE OF YOU THREE PIECES OF SHIT PARKED THEIR STUPID LITTLE SCOOTER IN MY FUCKING PARKING SPOT!?

*Donald takes one step toward Alec, causing Alec to frantically leap back into his Escalade and speed off. The three enter the busy Taco Bell and enter Hillary Clinton's office where she sits at her giant desk.*

Hillary: Donald! We meet again. You seem to be doing very well for yourself.

Donald: Can it Hillary, I'm just here to tap into Justin's employee discount.

Hillary: *pointing to Stephen* Who the fuck is that?

Donald: That's my great uncle Hubert, he's saving his energy for sex night at your place.

Hillary: Very funny Donald. I was asking Justin.

*Hillary and Donald stare at Justin, whose lip quivers with terror.*

Hillary: What are any of you doing here!?

*Justin begins to sob uncontrollably into Donald's shoulder.*

Justin: I'M SO SORRY! I'M JUST SO SORRY!

Hillary: SORRY FOR WHAT!?

Justin: I wasn't present at my scheduled time. I have committed the unforgivable sin of job abandonment. I am what every naysayer was saying about me!

Hillary: Its.... Sunday Justin. You wanted Sunday's off so you don't miss laundry day.

*Justin immediately stops crying and drops Stephen Hawking on the floor.*

Hillary: *looks at Donald* And you! You don't get an employee discount unless you work here!

Donald: Then hire me, what do you need me to do?

Hillary: *smirks smugly, and retrieves a bucket of sand from behind her desk* Here you go Donald, take this bucket of sand.

*Donald takes the bucket of sand by the handle using both hands and groans as it's very heavy*

Hillary: Hold that bucket of sand for eight hours, and I might let you have a discount.

Donald: I have a better plan.

*Donald drops the bucket of sand onto Hillary's foot, causing her to pull her jump up and down on one foot while nursing the smashed one.*

Hillary: You're...

Donald: I'm fired, whatever. Justin, buy me and Stephen some empanadas.

 

[enviousdominous]

*Justin and Donald are standing in the living room of their apartment*

Justin: THIS TIME YOU'VE DONE IT DONALD! THIS TIME YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!

Donald: DON'T RAISE YOUR VOICE WITH ME! IT HURTS MY EARS!

Justin: YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO WHAT YOU DID!

Donald: WHY DON'T YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU PATHETIC TWAT!?

Justin: I HAVE SOMETHING MUCH MORE APPROPRIATE PLANNED FOR THIS CIRCUMSTANCE!

Donald: I'D LOVE TO HEAR WHAT THAT IS! No, wait...

Justin: I HAVE BEEN IN CONTACT WITH THE SUPREME COURT!

Donald: The Supreme Court of Mexico? Are you serious!?

Justin: DON'T MISINTERPRET ME! I SAID THE SUPREME COURT! NOT THE SUPREME COURT!?

Donald: What in God's name is happening right now?

*time passes and Donald follows Justin to an old RV parked behind the apartment complex where Justin knocks on the door of the RV, and after a while an African American man in a bathrobe answers*

Justin: Mr. Supreme Court.

Supreme Court: The correct verbiage would be Mr. Court, as Supreme is my first name.

Donald: Your name is Supreme Court?

Supreme Court: Correct, and you are addressing the Supreme Court as there are none other with that name.

Justin: Mr. Court, I have an issue that demands an arbitration judge of your stature.

Supreme Court: Hmm, yes. I imagine that this must be a very monumentous concern of yours to request my expert analysis.

*Justin noticeably cringes*

Donald: What the fuck is the matter Justin? Do you not value the analysis of Supreme Court?

Justin: Can we please not use words that reference the butt, or contain any butt related words?

Supreme Court: Hmm, it seems that butts make the honorable Mr. Trudeau uncomfortable. Until further notices we must not reference these terms until absolutely necessary.

Donald: Fine by me, let's do this.

*Supreme Court leads Justin and Donald into his cramped RV and they sit on a sofa while Supreme Court sits in a provocative manner on a swivel chair in the middle of the room.*

Justin: I hope you have a good counsel Donald, because my lawyer is none other than Marcia Clark.

*the door to the RV flies open and Marcia Clark enters wearing business attire and stands beside Justin*

Marcia: Welcome to Hell Donald.

Justin: Yeah!

Marcia: Your ass is grass you bitch!

Justin: Ah, no. Donald is not a bitch, he's my friend. And please don't refer to his ass.

Donald: You heard the woman. Lay off me Marcia.

Marcia: Hey, fuck you! Who is your stupid lawyer anyway?

Donald: He's on his way.

*A man rushes in wearing a business suit*

Donald: Ladies and Mr. Court, my lawyer is none other than Reginald D. Butts.

Supreme Court: Hmm, I am deeply honored by the presence of a lawyer of Mr. Butts' renown.

*Justin cringes*

Marcia: REGGIE!?

Reginald: MARCIA!?

Donald: Stop shouting.

Supreme Court: I sense that the lawyers present are surprised at their presence at this present time.

Reginald: I'll say, Marcia is my ex-wife!

Donald: Justin, you're a bitch! You hired Butts' ex without telling me!?

*Justin cringes harder*

Marcia: It's true, I am Butts' ex. But being Butts' ex won't effect my disciplined approach to this case.

*Justin cringes harderer*

Reginald: I don't want Marcia stigmatized as being Butts' ex. I want the world to know that there's no shame in being Butts' ex.

Justin: STOP TALKING ABOUT BUTTSEX!

Supreme Court: Mr. Trudeau, it appears that you take issue with Mr. Butts' ex being in your presence, and yet you hired her.

Justin: Please, don't say buttsex anymore. I don't like imagining sex with butts involved.

Donald: We're not talking about buttsex you stupid pervert. We're talking about your lawyer, who I'm offended is Butts' ex.

Reginald: My ex-wife is a terrific lawyer, and I won't have Justin mocking her for being recognized by some as Butts' ex.

Supreme Court: Mr. Trudeau, for this case to proceed you will need to give a sincere apology to Butts' ex for your behavior.

*Justin sighs*

Justin: Ms. Clark...

Marcia: In respect to my ex-husband's stature, I would prefer that you recognize me as Butts' ex from here on.

*Justin cringes harder than before*

Supreme Court: You will be held in contempt of Supreme Court's Supreme Court if you do not apologize this instant.

Justin: Butts'... ex.

Donald: Say it right you fucking idiot.

Justin: Butts' ex, I apologize.

Marcia: Thank you Justin, now just what in the fuck is this case about? I haven't been briefed.

Reginald: Neither have I!

Supreme Court: I too am without a brief, in the sense of a briefing of the case at hand and underneath my flowing bathrobe.

*Supreme Court puts his leg up to sit more comfortably, causing all except for Justin to cringe*

Justin: Watch this.

*Justin holds his hand up as if to offer a high five, Donald looks and high fives him*

Justin: Oh, you didn't do that earlier.

Donald: I literally have no idea what happened two minutes ago. Why are we here?