TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP sits, tied tightly to a chair with electric cord, in a dank cellar, lit only by an old flickering bulb that hangs from a loose cord from the ceiling. A dark hood covers his head, and he hears slow methodical footsteps pace around the room. "Do you know why I've brought you here?" a slightly hoarse voice says. "I'm sorry. Okay, I shouldn't have plagiarized Macy Gray's memoirs. I just wanted to get my creativity juices flowing and..." TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP began to say. "CUT THE BULLSHIT KID!" the voice shouts before the hood is whipped off of TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP's head. The man is revealed to be none other than current President of the United States Donald John Trump, causing TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP to gasp with a mixture of surprise and anger. "I have a name you know!" TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP shouted. "It doesn't matter what your name is! What's your name!?" Donald shouts back. "It's Albin." TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP said. "Albin? That's a dumb name. How do you spell it?" Donald replied. TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP sighs with frustration and begins to say "It's spelled like it sounds, T-E-I-W-C-S-C-S-A-A-T-B..." "Okay, shut up. You're hurting my head. Now talk." Donald Trump said. "H-P-H-A-S-P!" TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP said. "No, not your stupid name. I want to know something that people like you have been hiding from me for a long time." Donald Trump said. "Do you want to know Macy Gray's favorite Matt Dillon movie?" TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP asked. "Don't play dumb with me you dumbass! I've been asking everyone if 2017 is a leap year, and they all just stare at me!" Donald shouted angrily. TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP stares at Donald with disbelief. "Okay, fine. You want to be that way. I guess I'll have to water-board you then." Donald said with an evil grin. "OH GOD NO! I'LL TELL YOU! I SWEAR!" TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP began to shout frantically. Donald pulls up a chair and sits in front of TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP before opening a note pad and putting on a giant pair of glasses. "Umm, what are we doing now?" TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP asked. "I'M ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE!" Donald shrieked. Donald takes a minute to decipher his own hastily scribbled notes. "You are now going to be water-boarded, which means that I am going to read facts about water to you until you get so bored that you fall into a hypnotic trance." Donald said while gesturing oddly with his free hand. "Yeah, I don't think that's what it is." TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP said. "Water comes from watermelons, or the testicles of the Earth as they're called among so-called scientists. If you drink too much of it, you will die." Donald began to read. "Okay, okay, you got me. A leap year is every four years." TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP said. "That's the presidency you moron!" Donald shouted. "Look, I love you and all, but could you just put a wet rag on my face or something?" TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP asked. "Not until you tell me where snow comes from." Donald said. "Snow comes from water vapor in the sky during cold weather and leap years will only occur every four years after 2016." TEIWCSCSAATBHPHASP said. "Now you need to tell me why horses wear shoes when they don't have feet!" Donald shouted.